shocked wife

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Alexis

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Jan 27, 2009
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I don't even know where to begin, so I guess at this point I'll just ask for some comments I guess. Quite by accident, a couple of weeks ago I found out that my husband has been coming to this site. I was so ******* of anything like this. I have checked it out several times since then, and am totally blown away to think that my husband may be into something like this. HELP!
 
How does this make you feel?
 
Shocked is the best word I can come up with. Not only that this "lifestyle" exists, but that my husband has some type of interest in it.
 
I guess what I wonder most is just exactly what my husband's interest in this is.
 
Thanks for the offer Will, but I don't think I'd like to talk to anyone privately about this at this time. I don't really know how to handle this, so maybe/maybe not at a later date. Thanks again.
 
The thing I strongly agree with you on is that a husband's interest is hard for a wife to understand. For a little background on us, let me just say that neither of us dated much before we met, and I was actually a virgin. He is the only man I've ever been with. That is why all this is so hard to understand. I don't know for sure why he visits here, but it seems pretty obvious I guess.
 
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It´s reasonable to be shocked in the very first moment mainly in a world where (married) people thinks that are owner of her/his partner. But I think in a different way. If your husband are ready to allow you to have sexual relations with other men (black or not) with no prejudice and thinking in your pleasure... how harmfull it can be? If you both get an agreement about it I think that is a way of life that can only bring satisfaction for both of yours. Well, it´s my way of thinking... Now you have to think by yourself e get your own conclusions.
 
The question is, does it scare you that you've found he is interested in this, or do you have some other feeling about it?
 
hubbylickscum said:
It´s reasonable to be shocked in the very first moment mainly in a world where (married) people thinks that are owner of her/his partner. But I think in a different way. If your husband are ready to allow you to have sexual relations with other men (black or not) with no prejudice and thinking in your pleasure... how harmfull it can be? If you both get an agreement about it I think that is a way of life that can only bring satisfaction for both of yours. Well, it´s my way of thinking... Now you have to think by yourself e get your own conclusions.

ALLOW me to have? Don't you have to want something yourself to be ALLOWED to have it?

How harmful can it be? It could easily ruin a marriage I think.
 
ottawareacpl said:
The question is, does it scare you that you've found he is interested in this, or do you have some other feeling about it?

Scares me a LOT. I hate to keep using the same word, but in looking around this sight, the other feeling I have about it is shock.
 
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I understand that guys are what I'd call visually orgasmic. So I can understand the interest in porn, and I could even understand if a guy wanted to watch while two people had sex. But to involve his wife? How can you say you love someone and want to do that?
 
Will & Eve said:
okay, well, we'll see what can be done here then.

I am a white husband myself - that's my wife in my avatar pic - so I speak from some experience.

Would you mind if i ask for a little basic background? how old are you guys, how long married, etc?

In general terms, a husban'd interest in this is often difficult for the wife to understand. There have been many discussions of it here and there isn't a strong consensus.

One thing to remember though is that whatever explainiation is most satisfying to you, it is - at a minimum - an understanding that societies rules of sexual behavior are not, in fact, objectively right or wrong...they are just man-made conventions.

Posessivness, jealousy, and the like...all that defines being a "good girl"...all that stuff is just a cultural tradition.

As an example, consider that what makes you a "good girl" in the U.S. is quiet different than what makes you a "good girl" in Iran.

So these husbands are able to thin outside that cultural box and not be limited by the rules - and the wives who indulge in this lifestyle are similarly free thinkers

I encourage you to open your mind to the possibilities before you. Most women never get the opportunity you now have to consider such activity without worrying about losing your relationship.[/QUO

Aren't possesiveness and jealousy and the like natural emotions when you love someone regardless of cultural tradition?
 
Alexis, where are you from?
 
from Ohio
 
Possessiveness and jealousy and the like are indeed natural emotions when you love someone; However, so are desire, lust and the general horniness which occurs when fantasizing about someone other than your beloved partner -or have you been conditioned to not find another man attractive as well?
 
billy-ray said:
Possessiveness and jealousy and the like are indeed natural emotions when you love someone; However, so are desire, lust and the general horniness which occurs when fantasizing about someone other than your beloved partner -or have you been conditioned to not find another man attractive as well?

I find lots of men attractive. If I wanted to act on that attractiveness I guess I wouldn't have gotten married.
 
I cannot at all see wanting my husband to be with another woman. I guess I just don't get it.
 
FIRST THINGS FIRST.

I guess what I really would like opinions on is if I should tell my husband I found that he was looking at this sight. I have been thinking about that the whole time. I don't know if I want him to know I know, or if I should just go on letting it be his personal fantasy thing. Will, I'd really like to hear what you think on this one.
 
Well I can tell you my wife's reaction when she found out. She just asked a lot of questions (like you are right now), called me a perv, and threatened to disconnect our cable/internet. But now that she is over that initial shock she pretty much just kinda looks the other way and plays dumb about it.
 
My 2 cents

Alexis,

As you may have figured out from surfing this site, there are a lot of people who get turned on to the idea of their wives being with other men, especially black men. And I think that if the polls were done the majority of the people thus intrigued is from couples with limited outside experience. A lot of couples who start this is when the kids leave home, they have time to devote to each other, more time to explore their sexuality, and via the internet discover that some of these deep hidden fantasies are shared by other people.

An interest, or even just being intrigued, about a part of that does not mean anyone wants you to participate. There are a lot of people on here who are turned on to the idea of it--but have never done it and never will. Others live out their fantasies here from those who do indulge.

What I can guarantee is that if opening a marriage is something you are dead set against--then it won't happen, it is just thought on his part and nothing to worry about. If he wants to you try it, and you don't--still it is your body, and you simply say "no" and there is nothing to worry about.

If the idea is intriguing--as it will probably be a few days after the initial discovery--then it is time that you start talking to your hubby about what he's thinking--and you're thoughts. Communication with him is vital no matter what you want to or do not want to do. If you two are not openly communicating with each other neither one of you have any business on this kind of site if there is any thoughts of anyone doing it for real.

I can't speak for you, I can tell you that it started for us when we were having a long talk after a good friend had passed away (and the kids had left home, and we were re-discovering each other, and had limited sexual experience before we married). The friend had died young, and in the course of the conversation I asked her, "If you knew you were going to go tomorrow, would you have any regrets."

She told me -- and among her unfulfilled fantasies was that she had always wondered what it would be like to be with a black guy. Black guys had always turned her on, which she didn't think I'd observed. (I had). So we drank some more, talked some more, and I said, "We could do that--you shouldn't have unfulfilled fantasies--nothing unsaid, nothing undone."

We talked about it for a few months, started coming to this site on the paid side, ran an ad, rejected all the respondents for one reason or another, and then happened upon the right guy who was into it on a limited way and she took the plunge. That was nearly three years ago, and something we still enjoy.

It did not destroy our marriage, in fact it opened us up a lot more to each other. I'm very straight, I take photos and video the encounters which we watch together afterward and get hot all over again.

The lifestyle may not be right for you, but obviously it is something that you and your husband need to talk about with an open mind. Don't go into a conversation with him about it with your mind already made up about how wrong, or dangerous, or insulting to you that you might think this might be.
Instead listen to what he has to say, think about it, and respond honestly to him as well.

Whether you ever do anything in this lifestyle or not, I think you both need to know where you stand on it, and neither of you will know until you start the dialogue.
 
He probably has a problem with porn like a lot of people do. But to ask for advice here is not going to get you anywhere I'm afraid. As you can tell from the "administrator" moral relativism prevails here. There is no such thing as right or wrong. Its all just a fun lifestyle even for the people that come here advertising their children as sex slaves or prostitutes. Trying to have any kind of rational discussion is completely fruitless because the majority here simply have no moral compass.
 
joyful.red said:
Well I can tell you my wife's reaction when she found out. She just asked a lot of questions (like you are right now), called me a perv, and threatened to disconnect our cable/internet. But now that she is over that initial shock she pretty much just kinda looks the other way and plays dumb about it.

Looks like you and her havent really talked about your interest in it. If I might ask, do you just like looking at this site or would you like to get your wife involved if she was willing?
 
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