Wife Can't Cum

Discussion in 'Ask SandyWho!' started by whitewife696969, Nov 24, 2016.

  1. whitewife696969

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    My sexy white wife in her late 50's has to take a narcotic for pain over the past year and she thinks it
    prevents her from cumming, at least with me. I don't know if she masturbates since we don't discuss.
    I've tried different vibrators and toys to no avail. Any suggestions? Would she be able cum with another man
    since she might find it more exciting? Thanks.
     
  2. Custer Laststand

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    Your wife doesn't sound abnormal. Many women who aren't on narcotic pain relievers can't orgasm from penetrative intercourse with their husbands (or other men).

    It's time to ask your wife whether she masturbates. Many women, like many men, masturbate but (also like many men) don't like to talk about it. Create an intimate setting (soft music with wine, sitting with her on your couch) in which you and your wife can discuss your "sex problem".... which is your problem because you can't bring her to orgasm, and her problem because she can't orgasm (apparently). During this conversation, mention it's known that over 90% of men masturbate, certainly including married men (and the rest are lying). Go on to suggest (with a seductively-sly smile) that if she would be willing to admit she masturbates, you would be willing to admit the same. Then, if she denies masturbating in an awkward way that suggests she's lying, respond by saying something like: "Well.... since you have denied ever masturbating, I'll do the same." But, don't become confrontational. Rather, drink some more wine, move on to some other topic, and... when you feel she's had enough wine.... whisper in her ear that you'd like to try something different. You want to go down on her.

    Before bringing up the possibility of your wife taking a lover, I suggest introducing her to cunnilingus. (I assume you haven't done that, since you didn't mention it.) Many women who can't orgasm from penetrative intercourse can do so if their partner performs cunnilingus on them. See, e.g.:

    http://sexuality.about.com/od/oralsex/ht/cunnilingus.htm

    (or google "how to perform cunnilingus" for other descriptions). I also suggest that anytime you and your wife have sex.... after getting her suitably turned on with foreplay (as it's called).... you gently go down on her and, with cunnilingus, bring her to orgasm before penetrating her and cumming yourself. If, after attaining orgasm (if she does) from your efforts with your tongue, your wife seems to have had enough and doesn't want any more sex, it will almost certainly be best to stop. Don't try to force her.
     
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  3. whitewife696969

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    I'll have to ask her about masturbation when she is drunk. I've also tried cunnilingus without success. Thanks for the article for the good tips
     
  4. Custer Laststand

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    If your wife tells you (perhaps while suitably liquored up, as you say, and per my suggestion above) that she masturbates and brings herself to orgasm in that way, it will mean half of your joint problem is solved. I.e., it will mean there's no physical or chemical reason she can't cum; rather, she just can't cum during sex with you.

    In any case, I suggest considering your first sentence further. (This should have been my first suggestion.)

    Your wife's use of a narcotic-based pain reliever on a daily basis (presumably) for the past year implies she has an underlying medical problem that's causing her chronic pain. Pain relievers generally only last around several hours, but no M.D. would prescribe such a med every 3 hours every day because the patient would become habituated (become accustomed to it, so it would cease to be effective), then... worse still... would become addicted. This implies your wife probably spends much of her time on a daily basis, and possibly at night as well, in chronic pain.

    Chronic pain reduces a person's interest in sex, in an overall sense. In the case of your wife, it may also be the cause of her inability to orgasm.

    Also, since your wife is in her upper fifties that implies, of course, she's post-menopausal. A fairly large percentage of women, including those who were sexually active when they were younger, lose their interest in sex pretty much completely after menopause. (Some don't, however. Apparently there's a lot of variability among individual women.) Being post-menopausal usually results in reduced vaginal lubrication when sexually aroused; thus, intercourse tends to be painful for such women even when a lot of lubrication is used. This, conceivably, could be the cause of your wife's inability to orgasm during sex with you. (However, one might think your cunnilingus efforts, if you've been going about it properly, would tend to circumvent this problem.)

    Given all of the above, if your wife simply wants to take a lover, she should tell you that. Perhaps you could entice her into doing so (or alternatively, entice her into admitting she doesn't think that would help) during the same seductive conversation, in a romantic setting, when you ask her if she masturbates and, if she does, whether she is able to bring herself to orgasm in that way.
     
  5. whitewife696969

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    She had extensive back surgery in the hopes that she could be off the narcotics someday. The recovery period for her surgery is 12-18 months.
    Thanks for all of the good advice.
     
  6. Custer Laststand

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    Ah.... finally you've stated your wife's central problem. Post-surgery she is going to require extensive rehabilitation ("rehab") therapy. Just sitting around for 12 to 18 months waiting for her back to get better won't do it. I hope you fully appreciate this, have discussed it at length with the rehab physical therapists where your wife had her surgery done, and are prepared to provide her with extensive assistance. She's going to need your help, and a lot of it. She almost certainly won't be able to do it alone.

    You're welcome. Good luck!
     
  7. whitewife696969

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