Anyone help?

[samuri54]

my wife and i were discussing our fantasies last night. she knows i have a fantasy about seeing her or knowing she if getting fucked by another guy.

it does turn her on, she has her reservations about it. lately it i have revealed many of my fantasies-told her about her and a black guy. but when we do this, i can't seem to keep my dick hard to make the sex hot. my heart starts racing and my hands go cold-its the weirdest thing. we have discussed before and the sex was incredible hot. she was shocked at how hard my dick was telling her about being with someone else.

has any other guy had this issue? i think this time i have opened up to this fantasy so much, letting go of my inhibitions, i get nervous about being so open about my inner thoughts.

any feedback would be appreciated.

 

[cooleyhound]

sounds to me like your looking not for her to admit she wants these things but for her to validate that she only wants you. seems like you are insecure about your abilities and need reassurance that you are all she needs. your fantasy of her with other men is your "test" of how you match up to other men and her admissions of being turned on sort of kill it for you. your insecurities overwhelm you and you retreat into them instead of stepping up and proving your manhood.

this may be a temporary reaction as you become more accustom to it and more comfortable with her sexual desires and more realistic about what you do well and what you maybe dont. sex isnt simple good or bad, its very complicated and im sure you bring plenty of skills to the table, but no man is perfect. what your doing is encouraging her to focus on those skills that may not be your best aspects and another man might be better at.

at this point you can move forward and continue exploring which will get her more and more interested in trying out some different skills, or focus back on the good aspects of your sexlife together.

 

[swipe]

cooleyhound might be onto something right there.
you wrote that this was your first mention of black guys with wife - perhaps as cooleyhound says your just not up for this are you?
I think your going to have a hard time accepting and moving ahead to reality of black physical contact are you?
Because it's going to take real energy and commitment to reach that point where your going to be comfortable enough to show by your actions your able to accept her being with black men aren't you?
Who knows , if your so unsure how can you expect any understanding from us by standers right ?

 

[samuri54]

maybe i wasn't clear

thanks for the replies-definitely apprciated the perspective. however, maybe i wasn't clear. we have fantasized about this before a couple times and years apart.

what turned me on then and now is when my wife talks about her desires. after thinking this through, when she asks me about it-to share my fantasies, I get nervous. somewhat of the feeling-like am i a pervert. let me describe another time.

we had a hot night when the topic came up a few months ago. she then shared she fantasized about one of my young co-workers who we both agreed thought she was hot. as we were fucking she told me the whole fantasy-it was hot.

when i started to open up about how much i had fantasized about this-i felt nervous and had performance issues. i do feel there is something about me being nervous about it actually happening. maybe it is better as a fantasy for us.

i do appreicate the feedback as it has been helpful and if you have continued thoughts i would like to hear them.

My wife told me a couple nights ago her fear is being actracted to the other guy. she is an emotional person and the thought of sex for just sex sake is not her way. likes the erotic idea, but is not sure she can disconnect the emotional part. which is a big fear right? i mean-that would suck. i am not the type to discontinue having sex with her. my idea is an ever once in a while fun. she likes the idea, but doesn't want to lose our marriage either and our special connection.

at the end of the day-my performance issues may be related to that concern.

 

[swipe]

Appreciate your candor and it shows that at this point in time your both not ready yet. But tomorrow, two weeks from now ... well who can say. You really need to spend some more time creating the small steps in the direction you want, don't you. You both need reassurance from each other.