Apology and Promise-- From Maury

[MauryThree]

To Cuckolds.com forum,

My wife, Sarah, and I were married 12 years ago and have 2 kids, ages 4 and 6. About 4 years ago, I started getting interested in the cuckold/hotwife lifestyle, mostly after reading stories on this and similar websites. After awhile, I introduced the idea to Sarah, which she initially resisted, but eventually embraced once she was convinced that I had no interest in other women.

To make a long story short, Sarah had a few casual "flings" with men from AFF and similar sites, until she met Gary about 2 years ago. Sarah and Gary really hit it off and, before long, Sarah was not interested in any other outside encounters except with Gary. At first, things seemed great between the three of us. Sarah would tell me details of her encounters with Gary, and I even watched Sarah and Gary have sex a couple of times. Sarah admitted having emotional feelings for Gary, but honestly this was a turn-on for me--at first.

As time went by, however, Sarah started spending more and more time alone with Gary, and was becoming less and less open with me. Also she was becoming less sexual with me--it seemed she was just "going through the motions." About 6 months ago, I demanded that Sarah end her relationship with Gary so we could re-focus on our relationship. I had entirely lost interest in cuckolding, etc., and just wanted my marriage back the way it was before. Sarah tearfully agreed to end things with Gary, and our life was seeming to get back to normal. We even went to Europe for a month-long second honeymoon.

About 2 months ago, without any warning, I was served with divorce papers. I was stunned, and in no way saw it coming. For following few weeks, Sarah would not discuss why she wanted a divorce, until we had a dinner together a month ago. Sarah then confessed that she had never really stopped seeing Gary, but had just kept it secret. Now, she has decided that she wants to move in with him. To make matters worse, we are currently embroiled in a custody battle over our kids. A real mess.

Well, after my dinner with Sarah last month, I really went off the deep end. I started drinking heavily, and have just kicked myself over and over for ever bringing the cuckolding thing into our lives. I hate hate HATE the fact that I was so stupid and foolish to ever allow my wife to sleep with another man. Over this past month, I have even contemplated suicide.

Folks, I am embarrassed to say that in my super depressed, alcohol induced haze of a life over the past month, I have been behaving very poorly. I guess, in a way, I was sort of lashing out when I was making those stupid and disruptive posts to this website, and for that I apologize. Yesterday, a dear friend of mine got me into AA to help me deal with my drinking, and I am getting into counseling to help deal with the loss of my marriage.

I still believe that if I had not ever gotten interested in cuckolding, etc., my marriage would still be intact, albeit rather boring and routine. Who knows? But I certainly have no right to pass judgment on anyone else. I suppose, some folks are able maintain a cuckolding lifestyle and a successful marriage simultaneously. Obviously not Sarah and I.

In any event, I truly and sincerely apologize for being such a jerk over the past few weeks on this website (and a couple of others) while in my drunken stupor. I promise that I will not be making any more of those stupid, pointless, posts. The pain and despair is still there, but I feel like I am beginning to feel more in control.

Please accept my apology.

Maury

 

[K_A]

Maury,

Best of luck to you!

K_A

 

[Chefton1]

Thank you Maury for your openness and honesty here.

I know this must be really hard for you!

This is ultimately the killer for the deal for me wanting to move this cuckolding thing from fantasy to reality. People only post the "fun" stuff but when it hits the floor ...nobody lets that out. I suspect it happens more often than we think.

Wishing you the best Maury!

 

[kevinsslave]

Well, like I said in your apology thread yesterday (which apparently got deleted), everyone makes mistakes. The mark of a man (or woman) is what they do after the mistake. Your apology is accepted and I wish you well. Hang in there.

 

[Jaxunman]

Maury, takes alot of guts to come back and admit ones wrongs. I, for one, have no problem accepting you here. I, too, hope you hang in there. Your post at the beginning of this thread says you have something to share that others can learn from.

I might also be interested in conversing with you off the board in private messaging or on yahoo instant messaging.

 

[carina_halerose]

i think not

 

[peakmb]

Wolf wolf. Sometimes there is just no way back and you have to go another way.

 

[leftbehind]

MauryThree,
You're not alone, yours is a typical cuckold tale. Would-a, could-a, you paid attention to these cuckold sites, you would had known you'd end up alone. Sorry to rub it in, but once you follow through and drop off the deep end of cuckolding you'll realize this is what yu truly wanted all along. If not? Well, man, you just taught yourself a valuable lesson.

 

[Victoria]

hugs to you....

Maury,

I wish you the best in all that you need to deal with. If I can give you any advice through all of this... keep strong for your children, as much as this is sucking for you right now, they are more than likely confused and scared.. they need you now more than ever. Especially if for the last month you've not been there for them.

What you did on this site is such a small thing that any of us needed to deal with, let being a jerk on a couple of websites go, don't beat yourself up for it... in the big picture it's so very inconsequential.....

Be strong and be the Dad that your kids deserve... that is the most precious gift you have to give right now.

xoxo
Victoria

 

[slinky67]

well said

I personally have been there as well...i don't blame the lifestyle of cuckolding...its who i really am...and all my sexual needs and excitement is hardwired that way for me...and i can't do anything about it, i think its with me for life.

This lifestyle has cost me dearly, money, divorce, depression, sexual disfunction, you name it... but all i can say is...if nothing else, your feelings etc aren't isolated to just yourself, plenty have been there...and its amazing what you may discover chatting here and realising your not the only one.

Can be an enormous help, knowing your in the same boat as a lot of others, and maybe even get some insights...anything more than that i would probably go and chat to a psychologist.

 

[babyruthiezhubby]

I am truly sorry to here of your troubles. I have been cheated on divorced so I know the pain you are going through. You will get through it Maury. It may not seem like it now but you will.
This is why some of us here always caution those new to this into thinking long and hard before pushing the wife into taking fantasy to reality. Others here advise pushing the wife in full speed ahead. I hope this is a lesson to some here of how things can turn out if given bad advise.
I remember what it was like just wanting to die because I felt so alone and sad when My wife left me for another man. don't go there Maury. Life gets better, I promise...

 

[LittleEric]

Accepted and my thoughts!

First of all Maury, I accept your aplogy...


Like you I was once married for 7 years in an open relationship, we also had two wonderful children, one of whih has given me 3 adorable grandchildern that I cherish. My ex left me for another man she had decided to move in with which caused me to go through a period where I got into drugs and my life went to hell... it was a very rough period in my life.
After missing some 50 odd days at work, I good friend of mine sat me down and told me the facts of life. Life can get depressing, but if you keep on this road you'll be dead in less then two years and you will miss seeing your children grow up. Life has so much to offer and it will get better.
His advice to me at the time, was give up everything, leave town and start again. Which is basically what I have done, moved from the center of Canada to the west coast, met a very fine lady and ended up marrying her and here it is our 25 anniversary in a few days.
We have one daugther together who is in her 4th year at university and will graduate early next year. We are also in a Cuckold/Open relationship but are now much older and know we need to spend quality time with each other.
Marriage is a hard thing never mind adding a lifestyle to it.
At first I blamed the lifestyle on my first marriage breakup, but to be honest one needs to look further then just the sexual nature of a marriage.
I had read a study years ago about marriage breakdowns, and honestly an open marriage has only a 22% breakdown rate compared to a 50% breakdown rate of a so called normal marriage. So the stats just do not show that lifestyle is the cause of most marraige break downs, cheating, lack of money, lack of a job etc are bigger causes.
One thing life has proved to me is that we can not really change our make up, best to try and find someone who you connect.
In my current marriage we have lived an open lifestyle for around 18 years now, of course we are both older and wiser as to what an actual marriage is.
We are best of friends first and foremost...

To Cuckolds.com forum,



Sarah admitted having emotional feelings for Gary, but honestly this was a turn-on for me--at first.

Gary it is a fact of life, People can love more then one person at a time and will if they are true to themselves. The problem most of us men look at is the sex, when women in general look forthe emotion of love.
So when she lets you know that she had an emotional tie to him, what she was saying is I feel a love for him.

As time went by, however, Sarah started spending more and more time alone with Gary, and was becoming less and less open with me.
This is a normal course all open relationships will go through over the course of time with different lovers and partners, what it means is we have to work harder to show our love and our commitment to our marriage.

About 6 months ago, I demanded that Sarah end her relationship with Gary so we could re-focus on our relationship.
I hate to say this but demanding anything of anyone is not a good course of action, certainly not your wife, She had told you she had an emotional tie already and demanding her to end it will only mean harm to your marriage even if she had actually ended it, she would of kept looking for excuses to leave for one reason or another. In hind site and because I made the same mistake years ago, you would of been better off letting the relationship end naturally as it will mark my words, my ex lasted 9 months with her lover before she ended it. Of course with us it was way to late by then as our marriage had ended in my mind.

I had entirely lost interest in cuckolding, etc.,
I too felt this way but again a few years down the road my wife and I began an open marriage and still have one today, and that is almost 30 years in total now since we first started dating.

and just wanted my marriage back the way it was before.
Once you open your lifestyle up to an aternative style, it is really hard to go back, to many emotions have come into play, I suggest to everyone they read everything they can on lifestyles before they actually giving it a try.

Sarah tearfully agreed to end things with Gary, and our life was seeming to get back to normal. We even went to Europe for a month-long second honeymoon.
I honestly think in her mind she probaly did want to end it and go back to the way you both were before, only like I said once an emotional attachment has been made and the lifestyle has been changed it is very hard to ever go back to the way things one were.

About 2 months ago, without any warning, I was served with divorce papers. I was stunned, and in no way saw it coming.
For me this is my life all ove again, only with me I had went fishing for a week with her brothers to come home to be told this, yes it as a wack in the face. I could not believe it was happening to me so I feel for you as I can remember the scares it left on me, the good thing is it will get better
Now, she has decided that she wants to move in with him.
Well this is a natural step for her, the problem is that their relationsip will probaly by the time it ends you will of moved on with life
I know when it happened to me, that is exactly what happened, 9 months later I had gone through all the grief and had began to repair my broken heart and moved on and when she wanted to get back together my feeling for her had changed to the pont I was no longer prepared to get hurt again.

To make matters worse, we are currently embroiled in a custody battle over our kids. A real mess.
One piece of advice I am going to give you,is when it comes to your children DO NOT BATTLE even if it means you have to give her custody, in the end the children will cherish the fact. Insist on quality time with them and if possible joint custody. Just cherish you children and feel for them as they are the ones who will have the hardest time getting over this all, it will take them years and the more you battle about it the worst it will be for them. Just sit the down explains a little of what is happening without going into great detail, if she wants custody then give it to her with the condition of joint custody or a guarantee of quality time with the children and take the time to enjoy watching them grow up and become adults. They need their father now more then ever and they need him to be a quality person who is willing to do anything to make their lives better. DO NOT get into this custody battle I see happen so much, all it does is ruin a childs growing up years and creates resentment in the end.

Over this past month, I have even contemplated suicide.
Maury this is actually a normal thing to happen, the important thing is you realize it and are seeking the help you need to get you through this very rough part of life, I have been there...
It is very important to seek help and to confide in people just not the children, if I can be in anyway of help feel free to ask. I will stress again LIFE does get better as time goes on and you have a lot to look forward to down the road. One of my proudest moments in life was walking my first daughter down the aisle at her wedding, then seeing my grandchildren for the first time and now next year seeing my youngest graduate, All very percious moments in life and worth living just for these types of days. It is amazing what you have to look forward too in life, you just need to move on and begin the healing process.

Yesterday, a dear friend of mine got me into AA to help me deal with my drinking, and I am getting into counseling to help deal with the loss of my marriage.

I am very glad to read you are seeking help, just take it one step at a time and things will all work out.


But I certainly have no right to pass judgment on anyone else. I suppose, some folks are able maintain a cuckolding lifestyle and a successful marriage simultaneously. Obviously not Sarah and I.
Successful marriages of anykind our a thing of work and commitment by both people, living with another and allowing them to e who they are is what goes into a real marriage, both working to please the other and doing whatever they can to make it work. It is not mantaining a cuckold or any other lifestyle and being successful it is the work put into the mariage to be true partners in life. Allowing each to live as they want but also being committed to each other.

In any event, I truly and sincerely apologize for being such a jerk over the past few weeks on this website (and a couple of others) while in my drunken stupor. I promise that I will not be making any more of those stupid, pointless, posts. The pain and despair is still there, but I feel like I am beginning to feel more in control.
Maury you are already on the road to recovery, from the lows of depression will spring a whole new person, allow yourself to grow from within and learn. Take time to enjoy your children, life is only lived once and within life we will all face many trying times, so with hurt and some with joy, in the end it is what we make of it. You can take this hurt and use it to rebuild your life and become a better person and a much more loved father.
From my own experience my two older children have become a blessing I would not ever want to see lost.

Maury

Take care of yourself Maury and if you need to talk just reach out...
I understand your emotional feeling and the depression you feel but life does get better. Move on and begin to enjoy your new freedom. You will be surprized at the outcome once you get over this bump in the road called life.

Eric

 

[LittleEric]

Not really

This is ultimately the killer for the deal for me wanting to move this cuckolding thing from fantasy to reality. People only post the "fun" stuff but when it hits the floor ...nobody lets that out. I suspect it happens more often than we think.

I do not really think so... Marriage is work that a couple need to do together to be successful, adding a lifestyle to it just adds the need for more openess and honesty about things, and like anything in a marriage it is not always fun sometimes outside pressures of all kinds cause grief in a marriage.
I do not feel cuckolding or any lifestyl ruins a marriage anymore then other issues faced in day to day life. YES some marriages will fail but some will blossom, but the odds are 50% of all marriages will fail.

JMO
Eric

 

[jelous_of_wifes_bf]

In any event, I truly and sincerely apologize for being such a jerk over the past few weeks on this website (and a couple of others) while in my drunken stupor. I promise that I will not be making any more of those stupid, pointless, posts. The pain and despair is still there, but I feel like I am beginning to feel more in control.

Please accept my apology.

Maury

Wow, that is awesome! You've gone from like the lowest in my estimations to the top, good on you! What a champion! I truly feel sorry for what you have been/are going though. Moderators, forgive this guy!

 

[MauryThree]

Thanks everyone for you kind remarks and food for thought. Things seem to be going well.

I've been encouraged by the fact that Sarah is backing down from the child custody issue. She knows there is no way in hell I would ever allow her and Gary to remove my children from their home, and that I was gearing up for a "scorched earth" legal battle. Thank God she doesn't have the stomach (or cash) for it.

AA has been going well, and I haven't had a sip of alcohol since before my last post.

There's no way I will ever know if my marriage would have turned out differently if we never went down the cuckolding road. Clearly, some couples are more cut out for it than others.

Anyway, thanks again for your support and understanding.

Maury

 

[radicalguy]

Glad to hear that you and Sarah are keeping the kids out of things...

Maybe this is premature, but when you start dating again, maybe you should seek women already interested or aware of the cuckold lifestyle. Then, you'd be starting out with that in common.

 

[Lamont]

Wow... Who would have predicted this just a short while ago when people were threatening to never post again unless the mods could find a way to ban him for good. I suppose it's a reminder that while people's behaviour is sometimes irritating, it's not always what it appears.

Good luck to you Maury. I can tell you there have been many long nights pondering this fantasy to reality issue, and I can tell you that in just about anything, some will be lost. I'm sorry you had to end up on that side. Most human beings resist change, especially when it's not within our own personal control. That said, sometimes it works out for the best in the long run, and something brand new comes along that makes life so much better. Having been divorced once myself, and with a child, I wasn't ever truly sure that life could ever be good again...and to be honest, I wasn't even sure I wanted it to be good again (we often are prisoners of our own mind). But in time, that all changed, and now 5 years later I'm happier than I ever was back then, and happier than I though was possible. I say this only to get you to realize that sometimes when life stings and hurts the most, it opens up opportunities that take us to new places, and ultimately new levels. I hope this is you down the road.

 

[s_zip99]

Wow... Who would have predicted this just a short while ago when people were threatening to never post again unless the mods could find a way to ban him for good. I suppose it's a reminder that while people's behaviour is sometimes irritating, it's not always what it appears.

: Offtopic:
Just wanted to emphasize this paragraph... I'm just happy it comes from someone else, and not from me. Being harsh and mean it's always easy... But that's not something a good Moderator can afford. S/He should always see what's beyond the words an look for the real value ... One reason I never give up to blackmail and threats.
Sorry for getting this off-topic a bit.