First post here after reading through the forum

[candaules_candaules]

My story:
I have been lurking around here and reading various posts here, which show that I am not the only one with this interest.

First a little about my wife and me, we have been married over 5 years and dated two years prior. She is late ‘30s and I am just past 40, we have a small child. Both of us are full time professionals and work hard to balance the demands of work and life. Neither of us are Barbie and Ken. She is very beautiful white, fair skinned, blonde, blue eyes with a nice bust. She will complain about the baby weight she has, but I think she is a goddess. Myself I am showing middle age, balding, and overweight.

Given that we have a small child and the demands of work we have a pretty good sex life together and enjoy being able to have some time to enjoy ourselves. My only wish would be more frequency, but I am grateful for what we have. I have always felt that for me to enjoy sex my wife must enjoy herself as well and I enjoy being oral with her very much and seeing her climax. She in turn is very passionate in the bedroom and when she gets going can be quite intense.

The thought of her enjoying herself with another man (and he enjoying himself with her) arouses me a great deal. It has since even before we were married. For myself I will certainly notice women I feel attractive, but have no interest in having sex with anyone, but my wife. I have been doing a lot of reading online and offline about the hot wife/cuckold phenomena to help me understand this. I also have read Sperm Wars by Robin Baker, which I must recommend to anyone with an interest in this topic. I find that evolutionary biology to be a plausible explanation for this as well as female vs. male physiology. Women are built for sex with multiple males at a time or in short sequence. This is harder for us men who need time to “reload”. This makes it easier for a woman to have multiple males.

In many ways, this is an extension of me wanting to give her pleasure and fulfillment. I imagine my wife enjoying variety and the freedom to sample it. I enjoy the thought of her enjoying seeing a man she finds attractive naked, seeing how the sight of her arouses him. I enjoy the thought of her touching and exploring another man, perhaps someone who is fit and trim. I enjoy the idea of her getting pleasure from kissing and feeling his touch. Her seeing how he responds to her and her to him. I enjoy the thought of her feeling her body against his. Her feeling him push into her, the different feeling his penis in her. The new and different positions she gets to discover and enjoy. I enjoy the thought of her climaxing from him and then enjoying being in his arms afterward.

When I see my wife naked, I imagine other men enjoying her beauty. When I touch her and she touches me I imagine she and another man enjoying that. During sex I imagine her enjoying another man enjoying pushing his bare penis into her and her enjoying feeling him. I imagine him enjoying the view of her breasts moving with each thrust. He feels her great body against him, feeling himself going in deeper as she pushes her hands against the head of the bed. As I cum inside her, I imagine another man enjoying the sensation as he cums inside her. I enjoy the thought of another man helping her climax and he enjoying the sight, sound and feeling as she does.

I imagine a variety of scenarios where this might happen. Perhaps on a girls night out she meets someone, leaves with him at the end of the evening, enjoys some hot sex with him and comes home for hot sex with me and tells me all about her evening and her new “friend”. Perhpas a professional associate who flirts with her and she reciprocates and takes him as a lover. She does travel to another city a few hours away from us for business on a regular basis. I imagine her meeting a local guy there and inviting him to spend the night with her in her hotel room. I imagine her having a “boyfriend” who she dates and then comes home to enjoy being with me. Having a guy she is interested in over to our home for dinner, seeing her all made up and in a sexy dress. The three of us enjoying wine, food and good conversation all the while they are eying one another. After words I can see the either the two of them going into our bedroom alone, him leaving later thanking me for a wonderful evening telling me how lucky I am. I imagine a number of scenarios where she is enjoying the pleasure of another man while I get sloppy seconds and taking pleasure in knowing she is enjoying herself.

She is well aware of my desire for her to enjoy other men. I have brought it up during sex and after, as well as outside of the bedroom. I feel secure in her love for me and our relationship and am not jealous of her flirting with other men, which she appreciates very much. When she goes out for girls nights she likes having other men chat her up, flirt and buy her drinks. I have enjoyed her flirting with other men when out with her, seeing her enjoy the attention of other men. While she comes home and tells me all about it, her friends whose husbands/boyfriends don’t trust them and/or get jealous envy her being able to share this with me. Before the baby, she would often go out in nice tight fitting and low cut tops, full make up, jeans and boots. Often if I was working late or out with my friends, she would go out with her friends for dinner and drinks. I really liked seeing her before and after and the idea of another man approaching her, flirting and perhaps enjoying her charm. I liked the idea of her enjoying a nice time with her friends, free drinks from guys, flirting and perhaps more. I also really enjoyed the sex after these evenings out and aforementioned imaginings of her enjoying another man.

When I bring up the topic, she laughs, thinks I am crazy/silly, and says it will not happen. I do notice her checking out other men who like the men she dated before me is quite diverse (I am white) including Latin, East Indian, African American and Middle Eastern men. When she goes out, I tell her to stay out a late, as she wants, have fun and enjoy the free drinks. I talk about her enjoying taking a lover and she says who would go for me and laughs it off. She feels that infidelity is very wrong and is dead set against it but at the same time talks about friends of hers who were not meant for monogamy. When we saw Brokeback Mountain, the disturbing part for her was the marital infidelity, not the gay men being lovers as much. She says she would never be with another man. I am slowly introducing the concept of sexual freedom for her while being married to me doesn’t have to hurt what we have. Like others, here in this forum I see it as an opportunity to enhance what we have. However, I am not going to push or force anything. I will continue to enjoy what we have while letting her know she can enjoy herself if she so chooses. I am going to make sure she understands I am ok with her getting to enjoy the best of being in a loving and secure marriage while embracing nature.

I am interested to hear from others suggestions on how to communicate that the door is open while not pressuring her. Perhaps how to help her get more comfortable with the idea.

 

[candaules_candaules]

Thanks for the thoughtful response

Thanks MacNFries,

I use the term cuckolding, but am not wedded to it. I really enjoy take pleasure in her enjoying herself. I simply find the idea of her getting pleasure with another man to be arousing and not a threat to me or our marriage. I haven't read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but perhaps I will check it out.

The situation you describe for yourselves about the charge it puts into your sex life is exactly what I would like to have as well. Like others here I would like to see this as driver to more intimacy, sex, and togetherness for us.

I agree that small steps are the way to go. As I said I make it clear that I don't mind her flirting with and enjoying attention from other males, I encourage it. I make a point of telling her to enjoy herself and her free drinks.


She has also responded during sex in a couple ways. Once on a vacation to a resort she headed up to our room alone while I stayed with our child down at the pool so she could take a nap. We came up an hour or so later to find her in bed naked and asleep. After putting the baby down for a nap I joined her in bed and she woke up, we started making out. I was telling her how beautiful she is and how sexy it was to find her in bed naked. She said something to the effect that perhaps another guy already beat me to the punch. That really charged things up. I told her I hope that was the case that she enjoyed herself. I imagine us being at the beach or pool, she meets a guy she finds attractive and then seeing her take him up to our room alone. I go up a while later to not only find her sleeping naked in our bed, but an odor of sex and stained sheets along with it.

Recently during sex I told her how the idea of her taking a lover and enjoying herself made me hot. She then went on to say, oh you mean my "Portuguese Lover" and we both went on from there a bit about him. She was laughing while saying this thinking I was silly.

So she has started to play along somewhat and seems to like pushing my buttons.

I will continue to let her know the door is open. I liked how Soontobe packed the condoms and note in his wife's suitcase before her business trip. I am considering doing that next time she goes out of town.

Thanks again for the thoughtful response.

 

[Susan's Slave]

The Mars/Venus book was a very popular book and a great success for Mr. Gray and his spouse. Please be aware however, that he and Barbara divorced after writing the book (his second divorce and Barbara's fourth or fifth). To their credit they do continue to work together and make lots of money. One other caveat, both got their PhD.s from a college later shut down by the state after it was proved to be a degree mill.

I must admit that I have never read it, so it may be a great book on communication, or a "read this and don't do what I did" story!

 

[MauryThree]

Be aware that if your wife does take the step of becoming sexually involved with another man, you run the very real risk of losing her. That is something you should weigh in deciding whether to move in this direction.

That is what happened to me and my marriage. I'm not saying that it will definitely happen in yours, but the risk is real. Good luck.

Maury

 

[s_zip99]

Be aware that if your wife does take the step of becoming sexually involved with another man, you run the very real risk of losing her. That is something you should weigh in deciding whether to move in this direction.

That is what happened to me and my marriage. I'm not saying that it will definitely happen in yours, but the risk is real. Good luck.

Maury

If you think you will be able to behave as it is expected from a member of thee forums, I am ready to let you stay. At the first post I see you're going the old path, you're out of here!

 

[Custer Laststand]

Candaules,

Here are some comments, as requested in your PM. First, I think your wife sounds promising. It seems probable to me you'll find it possible to eventually persuade her to become your cuckoldress, perhaps even your boss/cuckoldress, while you commit to remaining faithful as her cuckold — which, I gather, is your intention.

Having said that, I'll point out the obvious. When you finally persuade your wife to become your cuckoldress, that may result in losing her — not immediately, most likely, but eventually. The reason, of course, will be that it will enable her to continue her search for an optimal mate by dating and fucking other men while you stand by as her loyal backup insurance. As pointed out by Baker (in "Sperm Wars"), when a woman selects a man to be her husband... usually in a way that causes him to feel he selected her... she makes the best compromise she can. Ergo, as your cuckoldress it's definitely possible your wife will find, sooner or later, that one of her lovers is, or strongly appears to be, a better compromise than you. If so, her evolutionary imperatives (read, hormones) may begin to act. She may begin wanting to see and fuck only her lover of choice; may begin sexually-denying you and may become emotionally-distant toward you; then, finally, may leave you for him — with associated emotion-charged battles over custody of your child, a financial settlement, etc. A good example of this outcome and more is presented by "MauryThree" in the thread he initiated today (2 Sept. 2010).

There is also, of course, a possible positive outcome. It is that if your wife becomes your cuckoldress... perhaps even your boss/cuckoldress... that will greatly increase the erotic intensity of your relationship with her on a sustained basis, and go a long way toward — indeed, quite possibly, eliminate — the long-term tedium your marriage will evolve toward if you and she maintain a conventional marital relationship with each of you remaining faithful to the other.

You seem to have decided, more-or-less clearly, which direction you want to go with your wife. But, in the event you and she find yourselves at some point identifying with Yogi Berra's well-known dictum — "when you come to a fork in the road, take it" — there is a method you will be able to use to make a decision. It will be to apply the bedrock American principle most-often expressed as: "The future is uncertain, so eat dessert first." [An aside: although usually stated as a trite and campy joke, this principle is fundamental and applies broadly to organizations of all kinds and sizes as well as to individuals. Consider, for instance, the probability that the U.S. will wisely make a transition to renewable and other alternative energy sources in order to avoid the catastrophic climate and energy-related consequences that will otherwise develop over, seemingly, a time scale of decades. As you're well-aware, no doubt, this probability is somewhere in the range "zero and very small," because U.S.-based energy (and other) corporations must maximize their profits over 3-month i.e. quarterly time scales, not decades. But, I digress... ]

I have to go do something else now... will probably comment further on your post(s) sometime later.

—Custer

 

[Custer Laststand]

Continuation:

Candaules,

Having noted (in post #9, above) what appear to be the main risks and rewards of adopting a "cuckold husband/hotwife" style of marriage with your wife, I'll conclude these cautionary remarks by also noting that not going this route, but instead staying with a conventional marriage, is no guarantee the two of you will avoid divorce since the divorce rate among conventionally-married couples is fairly high in any case. (I don't know how the divorce rates among these two subgroups of married couples compare.) Ergo, if your wife is not adamantly opposed but rather is beginning to show signs of interest… as she is, it sounds like… I suggest adopting a "the future is uncertain so eat desert first" view suggested above, and going for it.

By way of persuading your wife to make you her cuckold, the following are suggestions I’ve made in a number of other threads — too many, some might say — but with two additions, which are the Ronnie West / Cherry Lee site and my last suggestion in this post.

First, mention to your wife you found an article online that seems interesting, erotic and appealing, and mention (tactfully, of course) that you’d appreciate it if she would be willing to read it and, if she wouldn’t mind, let you know what her thoughts are on it. You can find it here:

Susan Gower on natural cuckolding of husbands by married women:
The Science of Cuckoldry Cuckold Couple

Then — if your wife doesn’t respond in a hostile way and reject Dr. Gower’s article out of hand — and after giving her some time to think about it, I suggest asking her (again tactfully and respectfully, of course) if she would be willing to read:

Cherry Lee on the cuckold husband/hotwife phenomenon:
Bold :: Brazen :: Beautiful :: Scandalous – A site for women : Scandalouswomen

and give you her thoughts on this article, as well. In each case, don’t try to push her to accept these concepts; in fact, try to avoid any behavior your wife is likely to interpret as pushy. Rather, just try to encourage her to spend some time thinking about it and talking with you about the possibility of adopting a “cuckold husband/hotwife” marriage.

Simultaneously, I suggest proceeding along the lines of this 8-part article by Cherry Lee as a more-or-less long-term strategy:

A Wife Into A Hotwife Hot Wife Blog - hotwife and cuckold husband fetish discussion

and, as a joint project with your wife, reading through the “Variatal Sex” sections of the “Modern Directions” web site, for which the main home page is here:

Index Page for Modern Directions

A complete site map for the “Varietal Sex” (used by Ronnie West and Cherry Lee to mean married women who take lovers) sections is here:

Site Map

As I’ve mentioned in some other threads, this is a very sane treatment of the subject.

Finally, if your wife continues to seem interested (or even if she doesn’t), but continues to be reluctant and can’t seem to bring herself to the point of seducing another man, I suggest — as a strategy for persuading her of your sincerity and laying to rest what is probably her primary concern (or one of them), i.e., that you will use her cuckolding of you as an excuse to pursue and fuck other women — ordering a male chastity device from online, or purchasing one in a local sex shop, then locking it on yourself and keeping the key yourself. You may have to shave your genitalia and/or use a hair-removal preparation like “nair”(sp?) to avoid hair-pulling problems. Then, tell your wife that when she takes her first lover, you will give her the key so she can remove your chastity device for a suitable celebration. On that occasion, inform her that henceforth you want her to be your key holder, and either wear it on a chain around her neck (preferably) or hide it somewhere you can’t find it, with the spare key hidden somewhere else that’s safe (say, in her desk at work).

You may find voluntarily wearing a male chastity device “for your wife” to be the single most effective strategy for getting her over the hump, so to speak. As an anonymous married woman put it elsewhere: “If you put your husband in a chastity device, cuckolding will follow like night follows day.” For an example and some experiences with this by other men, see the thread initiated by Cuckold64 in the General Cuckoldry section of this forum that begins here:

http://www.cuckolds.com/forums/general-cuckoldry/17679-caged-cock-cucks-experience-pro-con.html

(My guess is, this thread will gradually expand as time passes.)

—Custer