Hello

[iamKCbiGuy]

Hello everyone. I am new to the forum and just wanted to introduce myself. I am a 40 year MWM whose wife is completely disinterested in any sort of extra-marital activities, even though we had done some swinging before we were married and the first year or so after we were married. I am very interested in discussing my own experiences and the cuckold lifestyle in general with anyone who has some insight. I would also like to post a sort of on-going thread that is an autobiography of my sexual journey in order to give some insight to me (and hopefully to stimulate some conversations), but I am not sure where the correct place to post that would be? If anyone can provide some guidance, it would be much appreciated.

Thanks for this community. I look forward to talking with you all.

iamKCbiGuy

 

[iamKCbiGuy]

Thanks for the welcome and the info Mac. I am 40 and my wife is 35, we've been together 16 years, married for 11. We met via a mutual female friend who was married and I was having an affair with (she was married and I was single). Our mutual friend was bi and also hooking up on accaision with my future wife. Anyhow we eventually ended up in a regular 3-some, which was great. They were both sexy and really into each other and me, I was a horny 20-something and not really looking for a serious relationship, so it was a good fit.

Soon enough, I was seeing D (my wife) outside the 3-somes and we started dating. I was starting to get active in the swing scene here in KC, there were lots of couples looking for young guys to add to the fun. Also, I was really starting to delve into B/D, D/s and some S/M scenes, so I had found a local fetish group, but they were not as accepting to single males (I don't blame them, there are lots of guys out there who make it difficult for sincere guys).

Anyhow, I really started falling for D and slowly began introducing some fetish aspects into our sex-life. She was very open and willing to experiment and soon we were forging a really deep bond. After a year or so, I felt comfortable enough to confide my own bisexual past and desires as well as my desire to become more submissive and possibly have a Mistress/sub relationship. She was nervous, but excited at the idea. We agreed to take things slowly. She was still under 21, so she couldn't attend the regular fetish meetings with me (they were held in a bar), but I introduced her to several Mistresses I had befriended and things were set in motion.

I won't go into all the gory details here (I'll save those for my story posting), suffice to say our private sex life became near nirvana. As soon as she turned 21 we were attending swing functions regularly and the fetish group meetings. We were not promiscuous, but made some truly wonderful friends (and lovers) in both groups.

D was becoming my ideal Woman and I knew She was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We got engaged and life was great! I had a beautiful Mistress (soon to be wife), our sex was off the charts, we were enjoying life and each other... it was perfect.

Somewhere during the engagement, something changed. She was less interested in swinging and our D/s relationship was effectively put on hold. She assured me all the preparations for the wedding were the reason and I was content with that. I looked forward to resuming our debauchery and frivolity as husband and wife.

After we were married, things seemed to get back to "normal." We even got to the point where She was actively looking for single men to join us. We had no trouble finding a guy (I knew from my own experience that there were no shortage of horny guys out there). Again, I'll save the details for my other posts, but I was so turned on seeing another guy fucking her and making her cum that I pretty much ended up watching them the whole night.

After he left, she seemed a little concerned that I wasn't as involved as normal. I was completely honest that I loved seeing her get fucked and had to really contain myself and not beg her to let me clean the cum from her when he came all over her breasts. Up to this point, we only had a few experiences where I was actively bisexual with other couples. Mostly she would crossdress me and use a strap-on on me as part of our D/s relationship. She had seen me suck cock and get fucked by men, but the submission and bisexual activities never happened together until then.

That scenario happened a few more times and even with some of our Dominant friends. I'll admit, I was ready at that point to become D's full fledged slave. There's nothing I wouldn't do for Her. I wanted Her to be completely happy, in every way and with whomever She wanted. I told Her so and was ecstatic at the thought of my future with Her.

It was never to be. D was repulsed at the idea of me becoming Her cuckold. She was fine as long as we were on equal footing, having fun together, but keeping our fetish lifestyle private (mostly). Things quickly unraveled on all sexual fronts. She had little desire in me for almost a year after that. I slept in the guest room even.

At first, I thought she might be cuckolding me on the sly. Making dates without my knowledge, but I am 99.9% certain that she wasn't. Eventually, D and I had a real heart to heart and she told me that she loved me and she wanted to remain together, but all the deviant sex we were involved in, just didn't interest her anymore. She understood if I wanted to get divorced, but I would never leave her. I love her too much and I told her so. Nothing we ever did was more important to me than she was and is.

So that's where we are now. we have straight, vanilla sex a couple times a month. She seems happy and I am happy about that. I keep hope in the back of my mind that as she gets to be a smoking hot MILF she'll also turn into a cougar, lol. Several of her girlfriends are divorced and in the dating scene again... I can only hope it rubs off.

Sorry I've rambled on, but I tried to pare it down to the essential details and give some insight to where I'm coming from. I hope you enjoyed the read and I look forward to your reply.

iamKCbiGuy
(aka mark)

 

[Susan's Slave]

Welcome to the forum IamKCbiGuy. I thought your bio was very thorough and interesting. I look forward to hearing you flesh out the details.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Mark,

.... After we were married, things seemed to get back to "normal." We even got to the point where She was actively looking for single men to join us. We had no trouble finding a guy .... After he left, she seemed a little concerned that I wasn't as involved as normal.

You weren't "involved" in what as much as normal? Your relationship with your wife?

I was completely honest that I loved seeing her get fucked and had to really contain myself to not beg her to let me clean the cum from her when her lover came all over her breasts. Mostly my wife would crossdress me and use a strap-on on me as part of our D/s relationship. .... However, my wife was repulsed at the idea of me becoming Her cuckold. ....

Sounds hot... but, you already were your wife's cuckold, given that the two of you found a lover for her and (as you say) you watched them fuck all night. [Definition, cuckold: a man with an unfaithful wife. It's short and simple.]

Things quickly unraveled on all sexual fronts. My wife had little desire for me for almost a year after that. I slept in the guest room even. At first, I thought she might be cuckolding me on the sly, making dates without my knowledge. But, I am 99.9% certain that she wasn't. ....

The change in your relationship with your wife as you've described it is so dramatic it makes one wonder if her lover really "went away" at all. Suppose, for instance, he pleaded that his love for her was so passionate he wanted her all to himself... meaning, he didn't want her husband (you) mixing your sperm with his in her pussy. Suppose he pleaded that his love was so ultra-passionate that he didn't want your wife sleeping with you at all. (Some lovers are possessive like that, ya' know...) Suppose also your wife was convinced by his entreaties, and "cut you off" while continuing to see him (as you put it) on the sly. Then, that would be consistent with what you experienced... i.e., you spent a year sleeping in your guest room.

Alternatively, suppose you know for a fact your wife's former lover relocated to some distant place and is no longer available to her. Suppose also your wife found a new lover... a lover who is so possessive he appealed to her as above, and she capitulated. That would also be consistent with what you've experienced.

As for being "99.9% sure" your wife is not seeing someone else... I suggest a lower level of confidence. My impression is, women are significantly better than men at concealing their affairs, which can be very long-term. Thus, rather than trying to keep track of your wife's comings and goings and feeling satisfied that "100% of her time is accounted for," I suggest noting that mid-thirties is the time when most women experience peak sexuality (as opposed to most men, whose sex drives peak around 18-20). Then, draw a logical conclusion: your wife is probably having a lot of sex, just not with you.

The sea-change in your relationship with your wife that you've described is so dramatic that an assumption she's seeing one or more other men seems most logical. Given this conjecture (and a continuing insistence from your wife she ISN'T seeing anyone else), you can start thinking of ways to find evidence to establish whether that is or is not the case.

—Custer

 

[Jaxunman]

KCbiGuy, your wife has pretty much answered your questions for the time being. You state she is happy with everything being vanilla and just the two of you. You might let her know that should she ever want to consider easing back into areas of your old lifestyle that you are open to that. Lets her know you are ok with more while at the same time doesn't put pressure on her. This makes it her decision.

Your wife's actions of stopping everything, being understanding if you wanted to divorce her and continue on without her, and going into a year long sexual migration indicate she might have been participating mostly to please you. It sounds as if the lifestyle or maybe the level you two were involved with it, simply became too much for her. Her describing the sex you two were involved in as "deviant" speaks that while she may have enjoyed it for a while, she now desires a more conventional relationship.

Whether driven by guilt, a distaste for the person each of you was becoming, or she simply changed her mind, she has given you alot of great memories and done more than alot of women ever would to please her husband. Adore this lady for what she did and appreciate the woman she is now!!!

 

[iamKCbiGuy]

Welcome to the forum IamKCbiGuy. I thought your bio was very thorough and interesting. I look forward to hearing you flesh out the details.

Thanks for the welcome, SS. I am looking forward to writing more in depth about my journey so far.

 

[iamKCbiGuy]

Thanks for the response Custer. You touch upon several points that I wrestled with myself over the course of the change in our sex life and our relationship in general.

Mark,



You weren't "involved" in what as much as normal? Your relationship with your wife?

Sounds hot... but, you already were your wife's cuckold, given that the two of you found a lover for her and (as you say) you watched them fuck all night. [Definition, cuckold: a man with an unfaithful wife. It's short and simple.]

This was the first time we had brought a single man into our sex. The initial goal was not for me to watch, but for a 3some with my wife getting a whole lot of attention. I did participate some, don't get me wrong, but it was fondling, massaging, kissing and some oral on her (plus a good deal of encouragement to the two of them from me). We were pretty involved in the swinging lifestyle and this was sort of a what's good for the goose is good for the gander scenario. We had multiple 3somes with women and we both wanted to try a second male in the mix. It was never intended to cuckold me.

The change in your relationship with your wife as you've described it is so dramatic it makes one wonder if her lover really "went away" at all. Suppose, for instance, he pleaded that his love for her was so passionate he wanted her all to himself... meaning, he didn't want her husband (you) mixing your sperm with his in her pussy. Suppose he pleaded that his love was so ultra-passionate that he didn't want your wife sleeping with you at all. (Some lovers are possessive like that, ya' know...) Suppose also your wife was convinced by his entreaties, and "cut you off" while continuing to see him (as you put it) on the sly. Then, that would be consistent with what you experienced... i.e., you spent a year sleeping in your guest room.

Alternatively, suppose you know for a fact your wife's former lover relocated to some distant place and is no longer available to her. Suppose also your wife found a new lover... a lover who is so possessive he appealed to her as above, and she capitulated. That would also be consistent with what you've experienced.

I think you're assuming the worst (or maybe best?) case scenario. But you are talking about a "perfect storm" of events. We weren't actively looking for someone to cuckold me. We screened and selected men based on their desire for an NSA type of arrangement, simply adult enjoying each other sexually. I did participate in the sex with my wife and with the men if they we bi. No one was trying to humiliate me during any of our encounters. D and I kept our fetish play private or with a very select group of friends.

I can't say with 100% certainty that D wasn't fucking without my knowledge, but I did do quite a bit of investigation to see if she cheating. After a couple of months I was sure she wasn't cheating on me.

As for being "99.9% sure" your wife is not seeing someone else... I suggest a lower level of confidence. My impression is, women are significantly better than men at concealing their affairs, which can be very long-term. Thus, rather than trying to keep track of your wife's comings and goings and feeling satisfied that "100% of her time is accounted for," I suggest noting that mid-thirties is the time when most women experience peak sexuality (as opposed to most men, whose sex drives peak around 18-20). Then, draw a logical conclusion: your wife is probably having a lot of sex, just not with you.

The sea-change in your relationship with your wife that you've described is so dramatic that an assumption she's seeing one or more other men seems most logical. Given this conjecture (and a continuing insistence from your wife she ISN'T seeing anyone else), you can start thinking of ways to find evidence to establish whether that is or is not the case.

—Custer

Again, I think D wasn't really prepared for my confession. We had two distinct aspects to our sex life and the confession that I wanted everything to all become one giant Caligula-like fest of pleasure and completely give control of my sexual freedom to her, well, I think it was too much and she wanted to keep that for just us. I really believe D was hurt by my willingness to allow/encourage her to slut around if she wanted to.

I was asking to change the dynamic and give her ALL the power, ALL the time. That was never the case before. Our D/s relationship was based off control, service and sensuality. There was pain involved and discipline, but it was used to enhance the moment or reinforce the control aspect. D is no sadist and I am no masochist. I trust her completely.

Still, it is entirely possible that I am in the dark and D is whoring her way across the entire town, but I think it unlikely.

Thanks again for your comments, Custer. I hope I was able to provide a little more detail to give a more complete picture of my circumstances. I apologize for editing out as much as I did, I just didn't want my post to get too lengthy with all the details.

--iamKCbiGuy
(aka mark)

 

[iamKCbiGuy]

Thanks for responding Mac. You and Custer bring up valid points that I have struggled with myself as our relationship changed.

However, I don't think a current infidelity is the problem. But, there is definitely something troubling your lady, even now, within your marriage. I think she'll come clean with it if you'll approach her (it) in the right direction. Obviously the direct approach isn't working.

Something definitely is awry. I struggle between being concerned and supportive. I don't want to push her away by being too confrontational. I am pretty happy to let things lie and be there for D in whatever capacity she needs. I also touched on my own feelings on why the change occurred in my response to Custer. I think the blending of our "two" worlds was more than she wanted and I think she felt genuinely hurt that I wanted her to cheat on me.

My apercu of this is: You mentioned that she has a lot of GFs that are now divorced (single again), and I'm thinking she's just going through the itch to hang out with them and enjoy the same freedoms they have; possibly she sees marriage (in general ) as an inconvenience to this right now. Women desire having romance/emotions with their sexual activities ... you were there for her when the two of you were swinging earlier in your marriage. However, she may be seeing/hearing about her GFs having their romantic flings and possibly she simply desires experiencing something NEW. Of course, she doesn't know how to tell you this ... that'd be very difficult, plus she's probably not even sure what it is she really wants. I wouldn't encourage her to start hanging out with them on a regular basis, although it may be hard to stop her if that's her desire. It could eventually result in a temporary (if not permanent) marital separation ... possibly even divorce.

I'm thinking something obviously happened around the time things went cold between the two of you, and you moved into the guest room. She may have been emotionally attached to someone else (a more manly man) for a while. She has expressed her preference that the two of you be on level terms, and not her dominating you. I think she's being truthful with her desire. However, your request to be her slave has possibly made her reaccess her own needs. Possibly she needs a more manly man, a "take charge " kind of guy. Somehow you've got to find a way to have that serious, "soul-searching talk " that she is avoiding having. I'm betting she's just having second thoughts about marriage, and having her freedom again. That's something that married couples go through on a regular basis. I wouldn't rule out professional counseling as an avenue for opening her up.

I definitely feel there is some truth in your observations. It's probably that my desire/confession altered her perception of me as an equal? That I wasn't manly enough any more? It seems to me to be the most likely reason for the change. And while on some level that is exactly what I wanted to happen, the results are nowhere near what I hoped.

But we're here together nearly 9 years later. There is still so much love between us. We are both affectionate to each other, and thoughtful and caring. I don't get the sense that she's looking for the door.

I am trying not to pry too much with her. Obviously, I want to know what she's thinking and why things changed so abruptly. For now, I'll be what she needs me to be - a man and her husband.

--iamKCbiGuy
(aka mark)

 

[iamKCbiGuy]

KCbiGuy, your wife has pretty much answered your questions for the time being. You state she is happy with everything being vanilla and just the two of you. You might let her know that should she ever want to consider easing back into areas of your old lifestyle that you are open to that. Lets her know you are ok with more while at the same time doesn't put pressure on her. This makes it her decision.

Your wife's actions of stopping everything, being understanding if you wanted to divorce her and continue on without her, and going into a year long sexual migration indicate she might have been participating mostly to please you. It sounds as if the lifestyle or maybe the level you two were involved with it, simply became too much for her. Her describing the sex you two were involved in as "deviant" speaks that while she may have enjoyed it for a while, she now desires a more conventional relationship.

Whether driven by guilt, a distaste for the person each of you was becoming, or she simply changed her mind, she has given you alot of great memories and done more than alot of women ever would to please her husband. Adore this lady for what she did and appreciate the woman she is now!!!

Hi Jaxunman, thanks for responding. I feel that maybe everything was too much for her. That maybe I was pushing too hard for what I thought "we" wanted. Still, everything we did was just as much her decision as mine. There were plenty of times we didn't see eye to eye, but we always had an open dialogue. I never held anything back from her, I was always open with her and D was just as open with me. I would think that if she was unhappy she would discuss it with me.

I absolutely love her, no matter what. I'm not trying to cast her in a bad light in any way. I'm just here sharing my own personal journey. She is a wonderful woman and I am lucky to have found her.

--iamKCbiGuy
(aka mark)