So, as of this week I'm officially a cuck.
It's been a slow journey and I'm still trying to work out how I feel about it. I'll tell the story of what happened first because I know that's what most of you horny bastards came here for. =p
My wife and I have been married for 11 years. I first revealed my fantasies to her about 2 years ago. She was accepting and assured me it was ok, but said she could never do anything like that.
However she did think the fantasy was hot and we rp'd it in the bedroom often. After about a year of this she got the courage to step it up. There was a male friend that she knew was attracted to her and she wanted to make out with him (I posted about this incident when it happened). Anyway, I agreed after we laid out some simple ground rules and she was off. I got nervous about her developing feelings for him and called the deal off after just a couple sessions. Meanwhile our sex life had gone into overdrive.... we went from once or twice a week to 5 times a day for awhile.
So ultimately it went into the fantasy bank and we talked about it a lot during sex but nothing happened. We RP'd more and more and another year went by. I started talking to her seriously about giving it another shot. She was game and talked to the guy, but he was kinda reluctant now. I started reminding her where the condoms were before I left for work as she would often still see him once or twice a week platonicily (as I said they were friends before and after the make out sessions). I think the tipping point was when she asked "what would happen if she really did bring him back home... would I be angry with her or excited". I gave it some honest thought and said "I think I would be excited, but I don't really know until I experience it".
That brings us to up to this week. She goes out to a friends birthday party and I stay home with the kids as we don't have a babysitter and I wasn't feeling good anyway. She makes it home at nearly 4am and wakes me up in tears. "I really did it honey, I fucked another man. I'm so sorry, please forgive me." Of course this wakes me up pretty quickly. She's crying and shaking so I'm pretty sure this is the real deal. We talk for awhile and I assure her it's ok and I'm not going to leave her. Then she calms down enough to tell me the story.
Apparently she left the party a bit early and decided to go visit another male friend that she had been talking to online but never met yet. She had tried to get him to meet in a public place but he insisted she come to his home and he'd been drinking a bit and didn't want to drive. (I'm very pissed about this bit but I'll cover that later) So she decides to go visit him. They talk for a bit and sit down on the bed (one room, no chairs) and he turns on a movie. They get into a playful shoving match as he keeps getting in the way of her watching the show. Then he starts to try and tickle her but can't find the right spots. He then makes his move and goes to kiss her.
At this point she still thinks its ok because I gave her permission to make out with the other guy, so why not this one. They start making out pretty heavily and his hands are running all over her. He eventually pulls her breasts out of her bra and starts playing with her nipples. This drives her wild, especially after he starts sucking on them. This is the farthest she's ever been with another man (since marrying me), but again she's thinking its ok because this is my fantasy and I'll probably get uber hard over the whole thing.
Well, when he's sucking on her breasts his hands go down to her crotch and start rubbing her through her jeans. Of course she's getting all horny as hell at this point as he puts her over his hard on (still clothed at this point). Next he pops open her jeans and moves his hand inside starting to finger her. She is dripping wet and he tells her how much he wants to be inside her. She says no but continues to respond to him fingering her. She comes on his fingers in pretty short order and clutches him tightly.
While she's wrapped up in the throws of her first orgasm he manages to slide her pants off and starts eating her out. This is another MAJOR trigger for her and she comes a 2nd time. He begs her to let him slip his cock in her but she still refuses. However, she does feel guilty for coming twice and not getting him off so she opens his pants and starts giving him a hand job but he's pressing for more. At this point she starts wondering how she is going to get out of her without fucking him. He gets her to kiss his belly for a bit and he takes his cock completely out now. She licks it a few times and kisses the tip. He encourages her to blow him but she doesn't because in her words it would feel weird having somebody else's dick in her mouth.
He starts teasing her by slapping his cock on her thighs and the top of her pussy but she keeps her legs closed to him. Next he pulls her on top and asks her to tease him... She's more comfortable with this since she's in control of it. She rubs on him, having a bit of "outercourse". His cock slides up and down her slit and she finally just loses it. "Do you have a condom" she says. He shoots up and pulls on on. She lays back and he lifts up her legs and impales my wife on his shaft. Now unfortunately she says he didn't last very long and wasn't very big either. The sex was kind of lousy but the turn on was doing something naughty with another man. She's already come twice so its not huge disappointment to her.
So she makes it home and tells me all this. Of course I loose it and fuck her like there is no tomorrow. At first I'm mostly ok with it. I don't mind that she fucked him but I'm pissed that a) She went to a strangers house b) didn't tell me she was going and c) I was totally left out of it. She apologies and admits she didn't tell me she was going because she new I wouldn't approve and that she really had no intention of fucking him when she went.
Since the incident I've been thinking things over and it's strange but it's like I'm two people. One side (the dominant one) is excited and wants her to do it again, but with with some rules in place. Which means I have a say in everything that goes down and I get to be involved. Then there is this other side that is angry and resentful towards her. This side can't believe she actually did this. She will ask me a simple question and my first thought is to say something hateful and mean to her. I literally have had to stop myself and say "Where the hell did that thought come from". Luckily I've been able to stop the green monster from leaking out so far and haven't actually articulated the hateful words to her but it worries me that they are there. Still my emotions are running wild and its hard to keep them in check... i get angry for awhile and then I get sad. The only constancy seems to be her... if I'm psychically with her I'm ok. The mood swings only hit me hard when I'm alone.
I've learned I'm definitely more in the hotwife camp than cuckold. I think I want to continue with the lifestyle but I need to have some controls and reap some of the benefits as well. I want this to be a journey that we take together. I cannot stand being at home with the kids while she is out on a date. I want to be there and watch her be taken. Maybe even join in and double team her... I know this is one of her biggest fantasies as well.
Our communication is good and I've discussed my feelings with her. She says it was sexy, but she really only did it because our rp fantasy made it so hot for her. She didn't mean to go as far as she did that night but she lost control and it happened. She is sorry and fearful she has hurt our relationship which she promises is the most important thing to her. She has promised to abide by our rules in the future (working on establishing those) and even stop if I want her to. As I stated I'm split in two...I find it incredibly hot but I'm pissed off about how it went down.
Has anyone else had similar feelings when starting out? How do I cope with this? I really want to get over this and move on but I'm having this terrible angst over the whole deal. One minute I'm angry, another depressed, another horny, the next smiling and happy. I really don't understand why I'm reacting this way. Sometimes its as if I'm experiencing these emotions from a third person point of view.
It's been a slow journey and I'm still trying to work out how I feel about it. I'll tell the story of what happened first because I know that's what most of you horny bastards came here for. =p
My wife and I have been married for 11 years. I first revealed my fantasies to her about 2 years ago. She was accepting and assured me it was ok, but said she could never do anything like that.
However she did think the fantasy was hot and we rp'd it in the bedroom often. After about a year of this she got the courage to step it up. There was a male friend that she knew was attracted to her and she wanted to make out with him (I posted about this incident when it happened). Anyway, I agreed after we laid out some simple ground rules and she was off. I got nervous about her developing feelings for him and called the deal off after just a couple sessions. Meanwhile our sex life had gone into overdrive.... we went from once or twice a week to 5 times a day for awhile.
So ultimately it went into the fantasy bank and we talked about it a lot during sex but nothing happened. We RP'd more and more and another year went by. I started talking to her seriously about giving it another shot. She was game and talked to the guy, but he was kinda reluctant now. I started reminding her where the condoms were before I left for work as she would often still see him once or twice a week platonicily (as I said they were friends before and after the make out sessions). I think the tipping point was when she asked "what would happen if she really did bring him back home... would I be angry with her or excited". I gave it some honest thought and said "I think I would be excited, but I don't really know until I experience it".
That brings us to up to this week. She goes out to a friends birthday party and I stay home with the kids as we don't have a babysitter and I wasn't feeling good anyway. She makes it home at nearly 4am and wakes me up in tears. "I really did it honey, I fucked another man. I'm so sorry, please forgive me." Of course this wakes me up pretty quickly. She's crying and shaking so I'm pretty sure this is the real deal. We talk for awhile and I assure her it's ok and I'm not going to leave her. Then she calms down enough to tell me the story.
Apparently she left the party a bit early and decided to go visit another male friend that she had been talking to online but never met yet. She had tried to get him to meet in a public place but he insisted she come to his home and he'd been drinking a bit and didn't want to drive. (I'm very pissed about this bit but I'll cover that later) So she decides to go visit him. They talk for a bit and sit down on the bed (one room, no chairs) and he turns on a movie. They get into a playful shoving match as he keeps getting in the way of her watching the show. Then he starts to try and tickle her but can't find the right spots. He then makes his move and goes to kiss her.
At this point she still thinks its ok because I gave her permission to make out with the other guy, so why not this one. They start making out pretty heavily and his hands are running all over her. He eventually pulls her breasts out of her bra and starts playing with her nipples. This drives her wild, especially after he starts sucking on them. This is the farthest she's ever been with another man (since marrying me), but again she's thinking its ok because this is my fantasy and I'll probably get uber hard over the whole thing.
Well, when he's sucking on her breasts his hands go down to her crotch and start rubbing her through her jeans. Of course she's getting all horny as hell at this point as he puts her over his hard on (still clothed at this point). Next he pops open her jeans and moves his hand inside starting to finger her. She is dripping wet and he tells her how much he wants to be inside her. She says no but continues to respond to him fingering her. She comes on his fingers in pretty short order and clutches him tightly.
While she's wrapped up in the throws of her first orgasm he manages to slide her pants off and starts eating her out. This is another MAJOR trigger for her and she comes a 2nd time. He begs her to let him slip his cock in her but she still refuses. However, she does feel guilty for coming twice and not getting him off so she opens his pants and starts giving him a hand job but he's pressing for more. At this point she starts wondering how she is going to get out of her without fucking him. He gets her to kiss his belly for a bit and he takes his cock completely out now. She licks it a few times and kisses the tip. He encourages her to blow him but she doesn't because in her words it would feel weird having somebody else's dick in her mouth.
He starts teasing her by slapping his cock on her thighs and the top of her pussy but she keeps her legs closed to him. Next he pulls her on top and asks her to tease him... She's more comfortable with this since she's in control of it. She rubs on him, having a bit of "outercourse". His cock slides up and down her slit and she finally just loses it. "Do you have a condom" she says. He shoots up and pulls on on. She lays back and he lifts up her legs and impales my wife on his shaft. Now unfortunately she says he didn't last very long and wasn't very big either. The sex was kind of lousy but the turn on was doing something naughty with another man. She's already come twice so its not huge disappointment to her.
So she makes it home and tells me all this. Of course I loose it and fuck her like there is no tomorrow. At first I'm mostly ok with it. I don't mind that she fucked him but I'm pissed that a) She went to a strangers house b) didn't tell me she was going and c) I was totally left out of it. She apologies and admits she didn't tell me she was going because she new I wouldn't approve and that she really had no intention of fucking him when she went.
Since the incident I've been thinking things over and it's strange but it's like I'm two people. One side (the dominant one) is excited and wants her to do it again, but with with some rules in place. Which means I have a say in everything that goes down and I get to be involved. Then there is this other side that is angry and resentful towards her. This side can't believe she actually did this. She will ask me a simple question and my first thought is to say something hateful and mean to her. I literally have had to stop myself and say "Where the hell did that thought come from". Luckily I've been able to stop the green monster from leaking out so far and haven't actually articulated the hateful words to her but it worries me that they are there. Still my emotions are running wild and its hard to keep them in check... i get angry for awhile and then I get sad. The only constancy seems to be her... if I'm psychically with her I'm ok. The mood swings only hit me hard when I'm alone.
I've learned I'm definitely more in the hotwife camp than cuckold. I think I want to continue with the lifestyle but I need to have some controls and reap some of the benefits as well. I want this to be a journey that we take together. I cannot stand being at home with the kids while she is out on a date. I want to be there and watch her be taken. Maybe even join in and double team her... I know this is one of her biggest fantasies as well.
Our communication is good and I've discussed my feelings with her. She says it was sexy, but she really only did it because our rp fantasy made it so hot for her. She didn't mean to go as far as she did that night but she lost control and it happened. She is sorry and fearful she has hurt our relationship which she promises is the most important thing to her. She has promised to abide by our rules in the future (working on establishing those) and even stop if I want her to. As I stated I'm split in two...I find it incredibly hot but I'm pissed off about how it went down.
Has anyone else had similar feelings when starting out? How do I cope with this? I really want to get over this and move on but I'm having this terrible angst over the whole deal. One minute I'm angry, another depressed, another horny, the next smiling and happy. I really don't understand why I'm reacting this way. Sometimes its as if I'm experiencing these emotions from a third person point of view.
