Background - I’ve told this group previously that I am an older man married to a younger woman--- nearly 20 years older/younger. Our May-December marriage is the principal reason why we chose an open marriage/ cuckold format in our relationship. I need and want to say that I am very much in love with my wife and I would do anything to make her happy.
I have also told this group that my main complaint with our open marriage/ cuckold arrangement is/was that I have not been able to participate in my wife’s ex par liaisons as much as I wanted to--- principally, I wanted to watch more. Recently Kristen and I discussed this matter and she agreed to try harder to include me. If you recall, she let me watch a couple of weeks ago (see the thread, “My Wife Let Me Watch”).
To the present, Kristen and her main BF (Mark) planned to get together the day after Valentines Day (yesterday) to celebrate this lover’s holiday. They intended to meet at our home and spend the afternoon together. I got it in my head yesterday morning to covertly watch them if I could--- and I was indeed able to hide out in our hall bath for this purpose.
Mark arrived at 12:30 and they had lunch. Then about 1:15 pm or so they retired to our bedroom to begin the play. The hall bath is adjacent to our bedroom, which has two doorways--- one immediately next to the bath. So I had a Birdseye view of the two of them from this opening, which is about 20 feet away from our bed.
What I experienced watching them for over 2 hours, the way it made me feel and the thoughts it provoked is the subject of this post. I’ll try to make it brief.
The Play and My Thoughts – Since I have not had very many opportunities to watch Kris with her lovers 95% of my experience as her cuckold has been cerebral/ speculative--- mental pictures, vicarious participation, bits and pieces of details. And, the times when I have watched Kris, she was simply fucking someone--- a stranger or a man she had no feelings for at all. So this was “live porno”. Consequently, yesterday’s experience was quite different because Kris and Mark are good friends and have been together 10 to 12 times over 6 months. Below are my observations and thoughts in bullets to make them easier to read:
I feel very ashamed of myself for the envy I experienced at the sight of her pleasure and joy.
CuckoldMick
I have also told this group that my main complaint with our open marriage/ cuckold arrangement is/was that I have not been able to participate in my wife’s ex par liaisons as much as I wanted to--- principally, I wanted to watch more. Recently Kristen and I discussed this matter and she agreed to try harder to include me. If you recall, she let me watch a couple of weeks ago (see the thread, “My Wife Let Me Watch”).
To the present, Kristen and her main BF (Mark) planned to get together the day after Valentines Day (yesterday) to celebrate this lover’s holiday. They intended to meet at our home and spend the afternoon together. I got it in my head yesterday morning to covertly watch them if I could--- and I was indeed able to hide out in our hall bath for this purpose.
Mark arrived at 12:30 and they had lunch. Then about 1:15 pm or so they retired to our bedroom to begin the play. The hall bath is adjacent to our bedroom, which has two doorways--- one immediately next to the bath. So I had a Birdseye view of the two of them from this opening, which is about 20 feet away from our bed.
What I experienced watching them for over 2 hours, the way it made me feel and the thoughts it provoked is the subject of this post. I’ll try to make it brief.
The Play and My Thoughts – Since I have not had very many opportunities to watch Kris with her lovers 95% of my experience as her cuckold has been cerebral/ speculative--- mental pictures, vicarious participation, bits and pieces of details. And, the times when I have watched Kris, she was simply fucking someone--- a stranger or a man she had no feelings for at all. So this was “live porno”. Consequently, yesterday’s experience was quite different because Kris and Mark are good friends and have been together 10 to 12 times over 6 months. Below are my observations and thoughts in bullets to make them easier to read:
- There was a stark and glaring difference between our lovemaking (Kris and I) and the way Kris and Mark “made-love”. First, they literally “fucked” for 2 plus hours almost non-stop. They switched back and forth between missionary and Kris on top.
- Not to slight this glaring distinction, but what was most obviously different was the time they took--- they were in no hurry and slowly made love over and over again. Hard pounding and breathless orgasms occurred, but only after long periods of sweet, methodical lovemaking.
- Incredibly, this is the way Kris and I once made love and the way I enjoy it the most--- that is slow and loving with lots and lots of deep kissing, whispered endearments, hugging, eye contact, smiles, etc. And here I was watching another man having my wife the way I would love to have her.
- Our love making has evolved into an occasional “quickie”, 2, 3, 4 maybe 6 times a month. There is no deep kissing (or French kissing)--- which makes it very difficult for me to get aroused. Kristen is always in a hurry to get to it and finish up. Within 60 seconds after we begin she is encouraging me to pound her harder to (either) give her an orgasm and/or to get me to cum as quickly as possible. Its 3-5 minutes and out.
- I will admit that at my age there isn’t a 2-3 hour fucking session left in me, but certainly I could “make love” for 30 minutes or so in the right situation--- deep kisses, little whispers, caressing fingers--- and most of all patience, and a slower pace. I remember making love like this when I was younger and I could last for hours. But being hurried not only nullifies sweet love making, it also gives me performance anxiety.
- They were in no hurry and when Mark had had enough and his cock was tired, they rested, loving on each other for a while until he was ready to go again or Kris would suck his cock to get him going. She was giving him what I so long for---patience, sweet methodical love making, her time and loving attention. Kisses, lots of kisses and warm embraces. No wonder I have a difficult time getting aroused these days!
- Kris believes that I have a “quick trigger”--- that I cum too fast. But the truth is I can keep from cumming almost indefinitely. I pull the trigger because I am losing stamina and/or interest. I believe my interest could be sustained longer if she would make love to me, give to me the way she loved on and gave to Mark yesterday.
- The villain here though is not Kristen--- its familiarity. And yes it does “bred contempt”. The villain’s partner is TFE--- the powerful desire and potent energy of “The First Time Experience”. These forces coupled with my age and Kristen’s peaking make cuckoldry and the undoing of our love making inevitable. It’s no one’s “fault”.
- And the twist is, that I do not want to take the “TFE” away from Kristen--- this in my mind would be a selfish and unloving act. True love dictates that she is allowed to enjoy her life, especially since she is younger. Our love life aside, what harm is there in letting her have a lover a few times a month? She loves and is married to me, and she is mine. Additionally, keeping Kris from enjoying her ex par lovers would not in all likelihood rekindle things with us--- would it?
- But as I peaked around the corner yesterday watching the two of them making love I felt like Ann Margaret in the film “Mid-Life Crazies”. In the movie she is watching a young couple making out and turns to her husband and says, “I want to feel like THAT again”.
- Me too. And it’s hard to go day in and day out knowing that I never will--- not that I couldn’t, but that my FTEs are over. This being written, I am so in love with Kristen, and we have been married such a short time, that my FTE with her still burns inside me. I have the passion for her still that, if nurtured, could generate sweet love making between us.
- But as I have written previously, there’s nothing like marriage to ruin a person’s passion and desire for his/her partner. Cohabitation in wedlock is an overwhelming drive for two people “in love”, but like a moth to a flame, the very thing that attracts destroys.
- It’s only natural for my wife to have a strong need and desire to take lovers—for all the reasons outlined above and other ones with just as much influence. After getting over my initial shock at watching them “make love” over and over again--- in the final analysis my sadness is intermixed this morning with strong feelings of happiness for Kristen.
I feel very ashamed of myself for the envy I experienced at the sight of her pleasure and joy.
CuckoldMick
