Journal Of A Journey - Book Five

[Curt Bruch]

Book Five

Thursday night started out funny. It was warm and raining out Thursday night so she had an easy excuse for the wet-spot our daughter noticed. It wasn't until I was following her up the steps that my brain caught up and realized what that meant and I ran after her in the bedroom.

She pushed me away and said I needed to wait until later. I didn't listen and came up behind her and started kissing the back of her neck and caressing her. She almost gave in but then turned and pushed me back towards the bed and said she was serious and that I should wait. Then she added that she'd make it worth my wait later on. How could I resist that?

Maybe she did it to tease me a bit because as I lay on the bed she stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom and undressed and then washed up. Just like that, one foot up on the toilet as she wiped herself down. You cannot imagine how aroused and horny that gets me. She knows it too and then she pranced back by me, still naked, to get some fresh underwear.

I was in such a daydream that I didn't even really notice her putting her sweats on and then she was back downstairs. That whole scene, from the wet-spot in the kitchen to her going back downstairs, was maybe 10 minutes at most yet at the time, I swear, it felt like time was standing still. I also then thought that it was undeserved that she dressed nice for Peter but put on sweats for me. That on top of her making me wait, that was another thought went through my mind.

Anyway, it had to have been well after 10:30pm by the time our son had enough of us and we went upstairs. She wasn't tired like she is sometimes so she was very animated. I can't remember everything that happened but there are moments that seem to be so clear.

I know that I was almost shaking at one point as I undressed her and pulled off her panties. She lay back on the bed and I slid them down and she raised and bent one leg to let me slide them off. Just seeing her like that at that moment really got to me. Seeing her naked lying there and knowing that she was like this with Peter only a few hours earlier, it's like being in a car and pushing your foot hard on the accelerator, tons of feeling going by in an instant; seeing her pussy lips still looking swollen and wet between them; just peeking open at me as she raised her leg.

She was incredibly warm and affectionate. Whatever they'd done earlier, it seemed like she wanted more now. There was this desire and passion in her kisses and this just feeling of her body drawing me in. She did tease me nonetheless saying things that she seemed to know would really get to me. Comments about how big ‘both of you’ feel tonight and how she was really wet before from Peter. As we rolled around on the bed I asked her what was so different tonight for them and she said that he'd cum twice tonight, the last time being just before she left to come home but also that they too just felt close as if they were preparing for a few weeks break, I guess.

At one point she got on top and in that position she really felt like she'd had quite a workout. I let myself think about that for a bit and I know it spurred me on. After other comments about how wet she was (saying it like, "sorry, I guess I'm kind of wet") so it seemed like an apology but really it was a tease. In addition to the sex talk there was no denying that she didn't want me to just fuck her quickly, she wanted, almost needed, to make love again. It was really quite a change from other Thursdays and in the end, we came together too. Afterwards we just lay there and she said the ‘I love you’ stuff. She ran her hands up and down us and she continued to say how lucky she was that I let her ‘fuck Peter’. She knew how she said that would turn me on. She's getting to know exactly what to say and do with me it seems.

We didn't talk much more. It was well after 11:30pm by that point so we just went to sleep.

Friday was a blur at work but again, last night, she just wanted it slow and passionate again. She mixed her teasing in but she seems to know what to say now. Maybe my talking to her about toning down the intensity but turning up the eroticism was working. Some of the stuff she'd say as we cleaned up from dinner like, "I need more tonight" and then a little bit later with the kids still sitting there at the table she whispered, "since I can't have Peter tonight, you'll have to do".

By the time we were in our bedroom for the night to say that I wanted her is like saying an addict wants heroin. It was more like I needed her and there she was again wrapping her arms and legs around me. Sometimes she likes it when I'm up on my arms or maybe just elbows above her but the last 2 nights, she's wanted my arms around her hugging her as we fuck.

With the teasing, one of the things she said mid-fuck last night that is burned into my memory was her whispering in my ear, "which do you like better, tonight or last night?"

It was one of those questions that just made me stop for a second and look into her eyes. I wasn't going to answer it but she tensed her body up and said, "Answer first".

So, I answered her honestly, I told her I liked how she felt better Thursday night but that I liked how I felt about her better last night. With that she let me back in. She'd cum several times by this point and after that answer she just said, "you do it" and she lay back for me and let me have my fun. By then I only needed just a few more minutes and she apparently was fine now with me being up and not hugging her.

Looking down at her slim body under me and seeing her holding her knees back for me, seeing my cock slipping in and out of her, that got me going a lot. When I needed to finally get over that final edge and let loose, I let myself think of Peter doing it to her and I let myself think of how it must look when he cums in her, thinking of seeing him thrust deeply and tensing up. That was it, wow, that was it. She even had this big smile on her face to match mine.

Today she's still all lovey-dovey and has more than hinted that she's still horny and wants more tonight. I've been trying to think of what's with the new behavior with her wanting to feel so close to me when we're having sex. Not that I'm complaining, just that it's different. We haven't talked about much else either but I'm figuring later tonight or tomorrow we'll have time for that. In the meanwhile, I think I'll enjoy this new turn and try not to think too much about what may be behind it.

*******

Last night neither of us was quite as horny so we didn't really do much sex-wise other than cuddle up in bed watching the 32-inch flat-panel TV on the wall in the bedroom. There wasn't any teasing per-se but we did talk briefly after she said thank-you to me again for letting her have her fun. I told her that I liked the change in her that I thought came from her and Peter and that I also enjoyed the new direction that sex between us was taking. She said she was trying to think more of what she says to me to make it better for me too. I told her I really appreciated that and that I did enjoy it just as I enjoy knowing they've been physical together. I said something about being turned on about knowing he was fucking her and she smiled and said that was good and then, maybe as a tease, she said something about she's really going to be looking forward to that Thursday after Thanksgiving when she'll see Peter next, I'm assuming. I didn't reply directly and just said, "That’s nice".

She's out this morning doing some sort of shopping but it's already an unsaid fact that we'll have another romp tonight for sure.

*******

Last night was passionate, less ‘make love’; more "lets fuck". She did continue to tease me starting out by saying that we need the bedroom warmer so she can be, "naked like I am with Peter". Then later when I was behind her she said, "Peter likes this position too!” Thinking about it, it's obvious that its turning me on. I thought about how I reacted to her comments and each time I know I took her harder, deeper and more forcefully. I suppose that I’m telegraphing my feelings to her taunts. Needless to say at the end she had pulled her legs back and, she didn't need to say it, that this was probably, “how she lets Peter have her.” Feeling her pussy just open up and swallow my cock, I just let my mind go to Peter being in her like that and I started to cum and cum. A second later she let out a squeal loud enough to wake our daughter across the hall; wrapped her legs around me and pulled me into her as we both finished. It is always nice when we can cum close together and needless to say if I didn't wonder at that moment if she and Peter cum together. I did not ask.

This morning I noticed the purple tampon box sitting prominently in the bathroom vanity cabinet so I suspect my days this week are numbered.

******

I have not yet had a true creampie. To me that would be if I could have her right after she's done with Peter, or whoever. I haven't yet asked her to let me watch them which is when that could finally happen. I honestly don't know if I’m ready to watch them. I still have some mixed emotions at this whole intimacy issue between them even after 4 days of love-making and seeing her giving herself so openly to Peter. I don't think I'm ready for that yet.

I have had her while she's still quite wet and open afterwards though. Granted it's maybe been an hour or 2 since she'd finished with Peter but there's no doubt that I've surely felt her pussy with his cum in her. She has made it clear when she is still wet from him and I know that when she'll tease me that way on Thursday nights that I cum almost immediately that is met with those giggles from her.

It’s going to be a slow week with her monthly approaching but if moods are good, maybe we'll get to do some of that talking.

*******

She was ready for me again this past Saturday and we picked right back up where we'd left off. Overall, she was very passionate and very loving although it was actually me that brought up Peter when I asked her if she missed seeing him.

She was honest with me and said ‘Yes’ that, she was looking forward and them saying hi if they might see each other at work was nice but she's sure that by next week, she'll want him again. She said she hoped that didn't hurt or anything like that but she wanted me to know that she very much enjoys her Thursdays with Peter. She even joked it's just something she looks forward to doing like she was looking forward to just going to the gym.

Then she asked me if I was going to miss her seeing Peter. I didn't know how to answer that until she asked me if I liked her being, in her words, being slutty like that. I had to be honest too and I said that it still turned me on incredibly and that I loved how she was when she comes home and for days afterwards.

After that, I just couldn't get the vision of them being together out of my mind. As I went down on Suzanna all I could think about was Peter’s fingers, tongue and cock being in her where I was licking and sucking. She asked me if I wanted to put her diaphragm in and as I did I guess I was moving slowly or daydreaming with my mind consumed again with the idea of Peter doing what I was about to do.

I guess she saw me and looked at me and said again that no matter how close and intimate she may be with Peter, that I'm the one she loves and not to forget that. I started to say again that it wasn't so much what he was doing but how she was together with him when she finally just said to me something like for her to cum like she does with him, that she has to give herself all to him at the time. She emphasized the word ‘all’. She said once she can let herself go with a guy like she does with me and now Peter, that she just goes crazy when the sex is good and that she'll say and do things that are only for that moment. She added that at the time though that moment is all there is. She looked at me as she lay there underneath me with me holding her diaphragm and said, “Look at me, this is how I am with Peter. He DOES get all of me and, at that moment, I am all his. I’m sorry if that hurts you to think about it but that's the way it is for that time.” She added that afterwards, when they are getting ready to leave, that it does take her a while to shut that of and that's why she feels weird with me sometimes when she gets home.

I took that moment and said, "Maybe I'd feel better if you weren't so exclusive with Peter; maybe it'd make me feel better?"

She looked puzzled for a second and then just said, "You are crazy" and then added, "are you suggesting I find yet another guy?”

I sort of nodded my head with a sort of unsure look and said, “it's just a suggestion". She looked at me and asked why I'd want that.

Mind you this is all of about 5 minutes of conversation as she's lying naked under me and by this time I'm starting to wilt.

She slid back and we talked a lot more about my feelings, especially after what she'd said to me already. I told her how I thought another guy might make me feel better by my not seeing her seeming so attached and connected to Peter. It took a few minutes but she did seem to understand but then just said, "baby, I keep telling you, you don't have to worry" and she continued that she's just having fun with Peter and then she added that she really does NOT want another guy; that she is really enjoying what she's doing with Peter and that she just isn't interested in finding anyone else now. She began getting a bit defensive by the end so I stopped pushing it other than to get her to agree that we would talk about it more after the holidays in January. She agreed that there won't be that many more weeks between now and then anyway.

It took a bit to restart our mood but as it'd been quite a few days for both of us, the desire returned quickly and again, she wanted more of making-love than just fucking and I certainly didn't complain.

So, it's a start and I think I am understanding her a bit more. It still irks me to think of her giving all of herself to Peter but when I think about it just for the moment, I can sort of see her side. Anyway, she seems agreeable to talking more in January as it came up again and she said, "after the holidays, promise."

Away we go.

******

When it's her time of the month, for those few days, she usually stops shaving her pussy. When she's done and ready to have fun again, I used to have to ask her to shave it again. (Also, she used to be self-conscious enough that if she needed a visit with her doctor she would let her bush grow back a bit.) However, I’ve noticed that for the past few months that I haven't had to say a word. I asked her about her new attitude towards shaving and that I’d never asked how she'd felt when she was with Peter and whether he had any opinions about how she looked.

She said to me that the first time she did feel a bit concerned but that Peter absolutely LOVED it. She also said that he has made her feel so good about her body and her looks including her bare pussy, that she now almost feels as though bare is now a normal feeling for her. I was taken aback when she said that after her period she literally couldn't wait to shave again! She said that Peter loves her like that just as I do and though she's not willing to make it permanent as in laser-removal, she said to me that she'll definitely be keeping it bare as best as she can.

She then asked me if I would be okay if she let Peter touch it up and keep her trim or would I rather that not be something she shared with him. I was very happy that she asked me and I told her I'd think about it. Sometimes she'll use Nair/Neet, other times she'll just use a razor. I have to say that I'm not sure of what I'm going to answer her. The idea of her letting Peter do that is a bit much for me right now as that's going even further into the more-intimate direction but I would be lying if I said that, in a way, the idea is also very arousing.

Her whole attitude change on this is it is something she now likes for herself (and Peter) instead of it as something she used to do for me is really quite a switch!

******

I haven't yet pushed the whole watching and taking-part thing with Suzanna and Peter. To be honest, I feel enough emotional ‘distress’ at what's happening now without being there. I honestly don't know that I'm ready to watch her give herself to Peter. There's a part of me that would love to be there and even partake. I've long held fantasy-desires of being the one to hold her legs back for him, or someone else, but knowing how they are so intimate when they're together I'm not sure I'm ready to see that just yet. If she were just fucking him and it was all physical and less intimate I'd jump at the chance but from what she's shared I just don't know that I'm ready to see them together just yet. Eventually yes, for sure, but I know I'm not there yet. I know that I'd do something stupid; say something stupid or wind up just leaving when it got too much. It's all good in my head until I try to put myself there with them.

The other thing is I don't see her having much desire to even consider other guys. I mean she didn't reject it when I brought it up but there wasn't much interest either. I’m thinking that she should see other guys as that would lessen their closeness and probably make me feel better that she's not attaching herself to Peter but I keep asking myself the same questions of, "why would SHE want to see other guys?" and I can't come to any answers that I can use as part of the discussion when it happens.

If I can get over my issues with her intimacy which I think I'm getting more used to then, to be honest, I don't know that I really want her going with other guys as Peter seems stable and sane. To this day, I don't have any sense that she's falling for him in the sense of forsaking our marriage, etc. Actually, aside of this intimacy thing, I think I like her liking Peter and feeling safe with him. I mean other than the one night when I don't get to have her, the benefits on the other nights far outweigh any anguish I'm feeling.

I do get turned on incredibly to think of her going wild with Peter from how her body feels when she gets home; knowing she is still in that ‘flushed’ state; the intensity of knowing Peter has fucked her so recently just gets me so rock hard and turned on. I think in many ways that from the moment we go to sleep Tuesday nights that I simply cannot wait for that moment when I get to have her again on Thursday night. Knowing she's fucking him; knowing she wants him in her; knowing she loses all control and probably screams as she climaxes; knowing he too does the same as he fills her pussy with his sperm, it's just so incredible a feeling. I think there's a part of me that's actually scared to rock the boat at all so as to not change a thing.

*******

It's been an interesting few days as Suzanna and I have had time to talk quite a bit. Without going into excruciating detail she asked me at one point if I was sorry I started all of this. I guess this was on Friday as all we could do was crawl into bed after all the turkey on Thursday!

She brought it up just like that and I told her honestly that I wasn't sorry and that I loved the changes in her and in us. That led to a lot of discussion about what I enjoy out of what she's doing and, over a bottle or 2 of wine I did open up and tell her what turned me on. I told her that Thursday nights when we get to have our time together that seeing and feeling and even tasting that Peter was in her that alone turned me on incredibly. Then I just told her at the same time that knowing he was making her cum was both an incredible turn-on as well as the moment that gets to me the most.

True to our earlier discussion, we didn't really talk about her with other guys but at one point I did tell her that I would like to see her and Peter together one time. She was very receptive to that idea and asked me, “when?” To be honest, I didn't expect that reply from her and I said that I didn't think I was ready to do it just yet. After what I'd said earlier, I think she understood that for now, having her when she comes home on Thursdays is okay for me for now.

She spent a lot of time telling me how she feels about me. I can't remember everything but she said that she's never felt so good about me and us and that she valued and ‘cherished’ everything about us and emphasized that she never wanted anything to come between us.

We are both always horniest on long-weekends and this was no exception. Both Friday and Saturday night Suzanna began to say how much she missed Peter for the past few weeks and, for whatever reason, that turned me on, that she missed having sex with him so I played along with her and started teasing her back. It was just this fun back and forth between us. She'd tell me how much she wanted him and I'd tease her back about how horny she must be and that she'll just have to wait. It felt like she was on fire. That’s how it felt for me at least, from way back when we were first dating and the sex was very physical between us, it felt like she really wanted it and that she really wanted to fuck. What an incredibly great feeling that is.

*******

Apparently she's mentioned to Peter that at some point I want to either watch or be right there when they are together. She said that Peter wasn't totally comfortable with that just yet either. She told me that he said he wasn't sure he could ‘perform’ with me there.

We talked a bit about my apprehension about watching her and she said she totally understood how given my issues I had mentioned about how intimate they are together that she could see how I might not yet want to see her. She assured me, as she said all along, that if she's going to do it with another guy, that when it happens that she would give him all of herself and that she WOULD enjoy herself. She said that knowing I had a bit of a jealous streak in me years ago, that she did wonder herself how I would be actually watching her with Peter. So, I suggested that maybe the 3 of us just get together for some drinks one night and see what happens from there, whether I want to join them afterwards or whether it'd be too much. She thought that might work out and she'd let me know this week.

*******

Last night she was quite amorous and she enjoyed a good amount of teasing me about how much she is looking forward to being with Peter again after their relatively long hiatus. I did notice that she seemed a bit more aroused than she had been over the weekend so again I love what the anticipation is doing for her desires with me.

Tonight and she's out shopping. I told her that she might as well go since I know it's my ‘night off’ from her. If I can get rid of the kids such that I can lock the door I may take some time for myself as writing this is getting me more worked up.

She was quite animated tonight even gently squeezing my cock before she left and saying, "your turn tomorrow night". It's great to see her so aroused and turned on like this. Somehow I missed having some time for myself tonight, to find some stories or videos and let go with some fantasizing. Damn!

I did ask her about whether she'd considered an IUD yet. She surprised me with her answer that she's going to see her doctor in January and talk more about it to ease her concerns. She did say if she felt okay about it that she may consider it and with a wicked smile on her face she added that, "it might be a lot of fun to be able to be spontaneous again".

So, there it is, she'll be off with Peter tomorrow evening and I know she hasn't said it yet but I expect she'll be late getting home too. Something just tells me that.

I'm finding that it is easier to accept all of this the more time goes by and it just seems almost normal and I suppose my experiences are becoming ‘routine’. Maybe so but I am still on the edge of my seat and wicked turned on about it all.

******

She's just going off to work now, getting her stuff together in the car.

Last night she got back from shopping about 10pm and she asked me if I'd been masturbating while she was out. I don't know why I feel guilty and embarrassed even to this day but I nodded yes. She smiled and said that was good because she was beat but got a lot of shopping done. In bed she asked if I was okay about everything still and I was honest and said yes. I confessed that I sort of missed it for the last 2 weeks. She smiled and hugged me and said again how she loves me.

This morning and we're back to the same routine including her symbolic gesture of making sure I'm aware of her taking her diaphragm.

I did suggest to Suzanna that she could share more details with me of what she and Peter do together. I'm hopeful she'll indulge me a bit tonight.

******

I believe I know the motel they go to on Thursdays. It's a BestWestern near to where they work and Suzanna has said that Peter pays cash for the room. Midweek it can't be more that $60-70 and it wouldn't surprise me if Suzanna throws in some of her own money. It's a pretty cheesy place but as Suzanna says, it's quiet when they are there and she says that they try to get a room in the rear so their cars aren't parked out front. I believe I know the place and it's not like a hotel with an indoor corridor to the rooms, it’s more like a Motel with the doors are outside facing the parking lots.

I actually prefer this arrangement for them rather than them using our minivan which would obviously be a problem in the winter or with them going to a busier hotel. The Best Western would be what we called a ‘no-tell motel’ when we were younger.

I am trying more and more to put the insecurity I feel on the back burner and instead focus myself on the parts that turn me on. At some level I think if you love your spouse, that you should always feel some level of remorse (if that’s the right word) at what she is doing. At some level, if you love her then having her fucking someone else still doesn't feel 100% to me but when I focus on the sex and how we are afterwards, it is not an issue.

However I do fear for the day that Peter slips up or that this comes out in the open - not for Suzanna - more for Peter for the possible impact on his young family.

It's 6pm and she sent me a text message a few minutes ago that she is running late and that there is traffic from the rain. So I sit here eagerly waiting for her while I get dinner ready.

*******

I have always eagerly awaited Suzanna's return home on Thursdays and the intense sex that followed but last night's experience makes others seem pale in comparison.

She got home closer to 7:30pm and confessed that they had stayed longer and ‘had more fun’ than she'd expected.

She motioned for me to follow her upstairs to change. In the bedroom she asked me to not be all over her and just watch for now. She then proceeded to undress completely in front of me.

As she took off her blouse and bra I could see her breasts had and there’s no other way to describe it other than manhandled for they were swollen, reddened and had visible hand and suck marks (not quite hickies) on them and my cock was throbbing at the sight.

Her skirt, slip, stockings and panties followed revealing her pussy to be equally abused, very red and swollen; she even seemed to be walking tenderly as I watched. The visible wet spot in her panties matched the glisten in between her pussy lips.

I went to go over to her but she said I should wait till later when she promised me I could "have her" and instead she pulled on a clean pair of panties and some sweats.

I was still a bit stunned by how she looked, she dressed so quickly, that the next thing I knew she was kissing me and heading downstairs without me. I had to wait another minute or so till my hard-on went down before I would follow her.

She knows that turned me on. That whole little show was just to get to me and make me want her later. She had that smile and look on her face that just said, "you liked that, eh?”

Later we both went up to the bedroom where she let me undress her.

Why is it that she is always so much more desirable by me after she's been with Peter? I literally couldn't wait to undress her.

I thought I could taste Peter on her breasts as I eagerly sucked at her nipples but it was her pussy that I couldn't wait to get to. Even hours later she was still swollen and incredibly intoxicating! I lay next to her as we kissed my hand went to her crotch and my fingers gently caressed her pussy lips. As I knelt and moved down further it was just incredible as her pussy lips gently parted and my fingers felt the soft, warm and still wet inside of her pussy. Just thinking of how Peter had her only a few hours earlier drove me wild with desire.

I didn't think or care about the spermicide, I needed to feel her and taste her with my tongue. She gently pulled her knees back for me and began to tease me about whether I could ‘taste Peter’ in her. Hearing her suggesting what they'd done together drove me crazy with my cock just bobbing away.

The spermicide tasted nasty but I ignored it; I wanted to taste that Peter had fucked her and sure enough he did! The tang of his sperm as Suzanna giggled and told me how Peter had cum twice in her and how she teased me about him sharing her body with me just sent me over the edge.

I pulled back from her and gently pushed my cock into her and the sensation was just incredible. However, before she'd let me go much further she told me I had to wait for her to insert some more spermicide. She handed me the applicator and told me, "put it in like Peter did earlier".

Wow did that get to me. A second after I pushed the plunger into her I slammed my cock back into her in one quick plunge.

Maybe it was the 2 week hiatus but she felt so incredible at that moment that I feared I'd cum too quickly.

******

That whole scene Thursday night was pretty intense. We'd dimmed the lights and seeing her like that and what she was saying, her teasing, just made me hornier and hornier. I was in her in what felt like a second after she'd said about Peter using the applicator. I felt her lock her legs behind me and pull me in which surprised me as I thought she might have been too tired.

I loved feeling her tits rubbing against me her nipples feeling still swollen and hard. It just felt like she was pulling me into her.

She started to tell me how she'd fucked Peter. I remember she said, "I was on top of him and he loved that.” I thought that I’m sure he did and I know she loves being on top.

I don't know if it was 5 minutes or 50 minutes. I do know we rolled around and she was on top at one point. Knowing Peter had her like that from what she'd said drove me wild and I still marvel at the feeling of knowing another guy was right where I was. I was behind her at one point when she shared that Peter had ‘spanked her’ and that was why her butt was a bit tender!

It was when I was back on top of her and she let me push her knees back - all the way back and apart - that I finally felt I was going to cum. I didn't ask if she was serious but she just said, "Peter's had me like this" and that was it for me, I let loose inside her like I hadn't cum in years! I could feel her thrusting up at me each time I'd plunge into her but I kept her knees back till I finished and then pulled out.

I wish I'd had a camera as she just looked so damn incredible at that moment, like a totally satisfied woman unashamed to show her enjoyment. She just lay back and let my cum drip out and it seemed she was enjoying watching me watch her. Her whole body had this flushed look as though she'd just run a marathon. Her pussy was just so incredible and knowing she'd taken 3 loads of cum in her, it just turned me on to look at her and think about the passion she must have experienced earlier. Eventually she put her feet back on the bed and rolled to one side.

******

Last night she started to tell me more about what she and Peter do together. She told me this over several hours and over a bottle of wine in our bedroom. She said they got to the motel (the one I thought it was) about 4:30pm. I wasn't quite ready for what she told me but now, I'm just accepting it. She said that right after they shared a passionate kiss in the room that she just got undressed and not just to her bra and panties but totally naked. I recalled that she'd told me this before so I’m thinking this is just an automatic, almost reflex for her.

She undressed Peter next and even now I'm getting this floaty feeling in my stomach (and a hard-on) thinking about what she told me. I just didn’t think I was ready for how close they are on Thursdays. There seems to be more kissing than I'd thought and much more closeness. She said that as she kissed him deeply that she began to undress him.

She paused and went to check that our bedroom door was locked before coming back to my side and continuing with her tale. Hearing her say she just knelt there and sucked his cock till he was really hard was just incredible to hear. I think I felt pride about what she was doing more than anything else.

Hearing her tell me this as she's lying next to me naked and as she's moving down to suck my own cock got me really hard last night.

I squirmed around surprised that I didn't cum already as she told me how they 69'd and how she liked how his tongue felt. She emphasized certain things like telling me she could taste his pre-cum I’m thinking because she just wanted to get me hotter and hotter but whatever her reason, the teasing was working. She'd then suck me a little longer and then tell me more, how he'd lick her all over and how she'd cum and knew he could taste it.

She moved up after she'd gotten me really hard and told me, "your turn baby, see if you can make me cum like Peter did!". Oh god did that turn me on like crazy and damn if I didn't get her off at least twice while I licked away. There is just something so erotic about her wet open pussy beckoning my tongue.

Finally though we were both getting there and I knew she wanted something bigger. I reached in the drawer under our bed and got out one of her dildos and some lubricant. We kissed and I said, "Peter wants to fuck you for a few minutes" and with that I pushed it into her.

She moaned back, “Yes, yes ...,” and then said, "... go in the bathroom while Peter has fun." I knew she was telling me to go get her diaphragm. When I came back she just said, "Peter, get it ready so you can cum in me".

Wow, she was totally playing up the very things that gave me the most angst and, whatever, it was working. I was like lightning getting it ready and then I pulled ‘Peter’ out of her and put the diaphragm in. A second later when she knew it was in right she looked up at me and then just said, "Now, fuck me like Peter does". I was rock hard and in her a second later. From there on, I don't remember anything specific other than she felt incredible and I tried to hold off but finally I let loose again in her.

She's already made it clear she's still horny for tonight and I think I love her now even more than before she started with Peter. I can't explain it other than that there's just something that makes me want her like crazy right now.

*******

Last night Suzanna continued with telling me more of how she and Peter have sex. Some of it I wasn't ready for but she did know how to play me and my god did she get me to cum when she told me how she lets Peter push his fingers up her ass as they're fucking! Suzanna always lets me do this especially when she's on top but, alas, she says that's all he's putting in there as he, like me, is just too big for her.

She told me a long time ago of a boyfriend in college who had a long but very thin cock and she did let him fuck her anally a lot. She has always teased me that I've never had her that way and only he has. Looking back, her teasing seemed to be a clear sign that she would eventually be cuckolding me like that.

She also says he does that to her while he's behind her fucking her doggy fashion when she has her face and shoulders down in a pillow on the bed. I came in her as she told me how he'll pull her open and get her so worked up before he penetrates her.

It was after we'd calmed down and cleaned up in bed that she snuggled over to me and asked if I was okay with everything between her and Peter. I didn't quite understand what she was asking since we'd just had pretty intense sex together but I went along and said, yes, that I was getting used to it all and I wasn't as concerned about her losing control or things affecting us.

That was when she brought up next Friday night and her work social evening. Her company doesn't do a formal Christmas party but several areas pool together and do something less formal (cash bar, etc.) at a local hotel that her company does business with. I've gone to this party in the past and it’s okay; DJ music, some dancing, cash bar, passed and buffet foods, etc.

I'm still not really paying attention other than hearing something about food but she then mentioned that Peter was going to be at the party. I stopped listening to the TV and turned to her and said, "What?” She repeated that Peter was going to be there and everyone knew it was going to be a late night and then she started hesitating and stopped talking. I asked her if she thought she'd have fun with Peter during or after the party. She said something like, "well, yeah, but I, um, we were wondering if you wanted to join us?”

The look in her eye at that moment let me know that she was dead serious about what she'd said. The look on my face prompted her to say, “... but I don't know if you're ready though?”

I said, “Oh don’t you worry, I’ll be okay or at least, sure, I want to try.”

She smiled and said that she had to talk Peter into it and that she can't guarantee how it will go. She knew Peter was concerned with how he'd be if I was actually with them as in a 3-some. She had already told him that she was sure I wasn't ready for that and would probably I’d just want to watch.

******

We didn't talk much more last night but I'm sure our conversation in bed tonight will be quite interesting. I'm on pins and needles today about it and, to be honest, a bit unsure of how I feel right now as this is happening sooner than I'd expected.

I think I'll be okay with Peter; I'm just not sure how I'm going to react to seeing Suzanna.

She's shared more of what they do together and while I had previously imagined this as just a quick-fuck between them, I now know that it's more than that. However, Suzanna has shared that there's a lot more than just fucking. She's said that Peter always goes down on her until she's cum at least once if not more. I'm not sure how I'm going to feel watching him with his face and his tongue in her pussy but the thought of it does excite me.

I know she's said she liked being naked with him and I'm sure that'll be okay with me as we go to the nude beach all the time but she's let me know that she is very passionate with him with lots of kissing and hugging, especially as they're fucking.

I've envisioned this for so long now that I hope it lives up to my fantasies. There's a part of me that just wants to see her screaming as he plunges into her. I know she pulls her legs way back and she says that Peter will push her knees way back at times.

I'm pretty sure I'll be okay with the fucking; it's the rest of it, the preparation before as I'm sure she'll have him put in her diaphragm making sure that I’m watching, but it's the cuddling and kissing and stuff in the afterglow that I know I'm going to feel queasy about.

Tonight is the first Wednesday in a long time that we're going to have sex but then come tomorrow I'm sure she'll want to wait till Friday.

******

I'm not really keen but, rather, I am feeling very uneasy about tomorrow night. I am pretty sure that I'll go to the Xmas party and hopefully will see/chat with her AND Peter. We'll see how it goes from there.

There’s a part of me that would love to watch but there’s another part of me that is scared to do so. If it gets uncomfortable for me then I will most likely just leave quietly.

I figure if I do go that I'll know how I feel pretty soon after we get to the hotel room as she's made it clear to me that she has no plans to change how she is with Peter and that includes her being naked almost from the start. If I can get past that point where I'm sure they are very amorous then it will probably be okay. It'll be getting to the room in the first place that will give me the most angst.

******

I told Suzanna that I had some reluctance about being there tonight but that I would try. She suggested maybe I wait to come up to the room for a while. She even offered to be under the blankets with him when I come in if that would be easier for me. I'm still thinking about that idea.

We talked a bit more last night and she again said that she didn't want to hold back or not be herself with Peter so that I should be sure of what I want. I asked how Peter felt about me being there and he said that as long as I was okay, that he thought he'd be okay but he also said that it'd be better if I was off in a corner and not right on top of them. I'm worried enough about just being there that I really don't think I'll be right on the bed with them.

This sounds so screwed up that I think I'm crazy for even thinking about this, seeing Suzanna actually fucking him and more but, on the other hand, I have jerked off so many times to this very idea that I have to go for it or at least try.

This morning she didn't have to leave early and it was so exciting to see her getting dressed thinking that I might actually watch Peter undress her later. I don't know how I managed to not jerk-off either last night or this morning. That’s just how turned on I am.

As she got ready this morning she yelled to me in the bathroom, "bring me my diaphragm and cream please". The feeling I had handing that to her were incredible and in so many ways turned me on so much that in some ways, the moment made everything worth it and okay. The feeling of me placing her birth-control in her hand for her to use with Peter while I watch was just an incredible feeling of intense emotion. I'm still tingling now writing about it.

******

I couldn't do it. I tried, but I had to leave. I feel sort of stupid about it.

Here's what happened.

We were at a pretty nice hotel in the bar/restaurant. I got there about 6:15 and I heard that Suzanna and others from her work, including Peter, had been there since about 5pm. She wasn't hanging with Peter, he was off with some guys from his area but I saw him in the distance.

I hung with Suzanna and we had some buffet food and some more drinks. We danced and she went off with her girlfriends to dance when one of the ‘line dance’ songs came on. Peter joined that dance but I noticed they were being very careful to not let others see them together.

At one point Peter came by and said ‘Hi’ and ‘Merry Christmas’ and then he said after he cleared his throat that he appreciated me being okay with Suzanna and all. It was awkward to talk to a guy who's fucking your wife but he did seem like a genuinely nice guy. Each time I meet him I have to say that I do think Suzanna picked a nice guy to have an affair with.

As the hours clicked by Suzanna was getting tipsy as were many of her co-workers and soon getting caught beneath the mistletoe was no longer something they avoided and those who were there without their spouses (and several who had their spouses there like Suzanna) had more than just a peck on the cheek. I got some tongue from one woman who I didn't even know and Suzanna kissed several guys a bit more than just a peck too including Peter and that got me going.

I had no idea how the 3 of us were going to get out of the bar and up to a hotel room so I asked Suzanna what she was thinking. The idea was for Peter to leave first and go up to the room. Then, maybe 30 minutes later, we would leave as a couple. Suzanna said she'd already been up to the room and had put her coat and stuff in there as had Peter earlier.

I was pretty ***** by now and I felt I was as ready as I was going to be. About 10pm, Peter came by and said his goodbyes including to us and a kiss for Suzanna. About 15 minutes later Suzanna held my arm and just asked me, "are you ready?” I told her that I thought I was but that we'd find out in a bit.

In the elevator we kissed passionately and I could feel she was very horny. I reached to caress her breasts and pull her to me but she pushed me away and said, "You have to wait, that's not fair" that I knew I could seduce her myself if I wanted.

We came to the room and she stopped me and said, "I know you wanted this and I think that Peter and I are okay with this. I hope it'll be okay". She told me again how she didn't want to feel as if she had to behave differently and she started stammering on when I just kissed her and said, "Just pretend I'm not there. If I can't take it, I promise you I'll just leave quietly.".

She opened the door and we walked in. We had some small talk; I can't even remember what about, football maybe. Peter had a bottle of wine and he poured me and Suzanna a glass full. I noticed the bed was to one side of the room and on the other was a small couch and table/chair. I figured that's where I'd stay and I could see that side of the room could be darker if you just had on the light on the nightstand so I thought it might be okay.

As I looked around the room, I turned back and they were already kissing. Peter had his eyes open and looked at me and I just smiled at him. I remember thinking; I'm okay with them kissing. That worried me but it was okay and I actually had a hard-on watching that. As I smiled Peter's kiss got more passionate and his hands ran over her back, up her neck and through her hair. They had begun.

I went into the bathroom both to pee and to give them a moment alone. On the counter in the bathroom there was her diaphragm case. I opened it and it was still in there.

I flushed and made some noise and came back in the room and in the 2 minutes I was gone Suzanna was now down to her camisole, bra and panties. Her blouse and skirt and pantyhose were all folded nicely on the small dresser and she was now unbuttoning Peter's shirt.

Neither of them looked at me and I was as quiet as a mouse as I was too stunned to do a thing other than stand there in the shadow behind the open bathroom door and just stare.

She took his shirt off and then his undershirt. I was dying as she dropped down to her knees and undid his belt and pants and dropped them to the floor.

I looked at her in her underwear and thought of how I felt when she dressed that morning and damn, did it get to me, that Peter was undressing her and she was undressing him.

He stepped out of his pants and as he did so Suzanna stood up. Peter pulled her camisole over her head leaving her just in her bra and panties as he stood there in just his boxer shorts (quite a contrast to the tighty-whitey's I wear). I could see the lump under his shorts and I started to feel not so good all of a sudden when Suzanna's hand went down to hold his cock through his boxers.

That was the first time she looked at me since I came out of the bathroom and when she saw that I seemed okay she smiled and went back to Peter. I don't know what they were saying to each other but on the clock I could see that we'd only been in the room for maybe 10-15 minutes and she was already almost naked and so was he.

A lot of stuff flashed in my mind including her repeatedly telling me she liked to be buck naked with him and I wondered if my being there was either speeding that up or slowing that down. Either way, seeing my wife kissing Peter in her underwear as she held his cock in her hand and now seemed to be massaging it, I started to wonder if I was going to be okay with it.

I sat down quietly on the couch and watched their passion grow.

I was actually okay when Suzanna slid back down to her knees and pulled his cock out through the fly in his boxers. I was almost relieved that it wasn't a monstrously large cock but instead it seemed normal and pink just like mine in many ways. All I could do was to stare at her hand on it as she stroked it.

It was like watching a porn movie in some ways as she seemed so comfortable with him, not nervous at all about him, and she definitely seemed to be keeping herself faced away from me. Easier to forget about me, I guessed.

I was even okay when she licked and sucked at the head of his cock and I heard him moan loudly for the first time. I was going to get my own cock out soon and jerk-off a bit if I was going to be this okay about it all.

A moment later she slid his boxers off and I saw Peter naked for the first time and noticed we had similar builds and similar cocks and that eased my angst a bit but, at the same time, seeing her next to a naked guy with an erect cock in her hand started to get to me. I started to feel as if I was going to watch something that I shouldn't be.

She stood up and they kissed again and he simply reached behind her and undid her bra. She let it drop from her shoulders without breaking her kiss and that was when I felt the first feelings that I couldn't go through with this.

His hands went to her bare breasts and began squeezing and caressing them and even pulling at her nipples. It was when he moved from kissing her lips down to the side of her neck and then to licking/kissing the cleft just below her neck and above her breasts and I heard her moan for the first time and that got to me. I knew that moan, it's Suzanna's ‘I'm so horny’ moan and I realized then just how horny she must have been (and every Thursday with him) when we didn't fuck the night before.

The feelings I had were so mixed. I was still hard and all that but I started to lose focus on the horniness I felt and started to just focus on Suzanna. Her moans increased when Peter moved down further and began to suck at her breasts and nipples. She arched her head back and I knew she's all but forgotten about me and so it seemed, had Peter.

I was still telling myself I wanted to stay as Peter moved back up to kiss her and pull her almost naked body against his. I will never forget the next few moments though, as Peter kissed her and they ran their hands all over each other, and Suzanna began stroking Peter again. His cock seemed bigger now than before, not menacingly big or anything, but in my mind it looked bigger.

The moment that really got to me was when Peter ran his hands down from her breasts to her panties and he began to push them down. From behind the little crack in her ass became visible as he pushed them down over her cheeks. Seeing his hands on her naked butt started to make me feel sort of ill, the sort of illness like being on one of those rides at the amusement park where it's fun for the first minute, but then you start to feel not so good.

Her panties dropped to the floor and she just nonchalantly stepped out of them. That sight got to me too, her panties just laying on the floor. I told myself to be strong and that it would get hotter again.

They kissed more and just when I thought I'd be okay about it their kiss intensified and I saw Suzanna spread her legs a bit and from behind I saw Peter's hand between her legs and his fingers probing her pussy. That did it for me and that moment pushed me to the edge as she squatted a bit and spread herself for him and I watched for the first time another guy’s finger enter my wife.

It felt like I wanted to vomit and cum at the same time. Hearing her moan as his finger slid into her and seeing her lean more onto him as she let herself go just as she said she would.

I was too scared to move or say anything. It all was happening so fast for it seemed as if it was only a second later that they lay down on the bed and Suzanna, still not looking at me, pulled Peter down to her and they continued to kiss. She was on the bottom and he was lying with his back towards me. As they kissed she lay back on the bed and between moans and soft sounds from them I struggled to watch Peter’s hands as they went from her breasts to her stomach and then lower.

It killed me inside to see Suzanna just spread her legs just as she does with me for Peter. Her bare pussy was clearly aroused and Peter’s hand moved towards it.

When his fingers started rubbing her slit though and I saw her feeling so comfortable and open with him, spreading her legs apart for him just as she did with me, it started getting to me that I didn't think I could stay.

It just felt like I was prying into what should have been a private moment for them. I got up and went into the bathroom to get myself together and when I came back out, Suzanna's eyes were closed and Peter was now licking his way down her body. She was just giving herself to him just like with me and while it turned me on, seeing Peter's face move to between her legs and knowing he was licking her pussy, it just got to me in a bad way.

I started to feel very uncomfortable and as I heard and saw Suzanna responding to him with her hands holding his head where she wanted him and, no doubt, his tongue now inside her sweet pussy, I started to feel actually ill.

I managed to stay in place as he moved back up her body but seeing her now VERY wet and very open pussy was making me very queasy; even sitting down it felt like the room was spinning. I tried to look away at something else but how can you when your own wife is lying not more than 15 feet away from you.

His fingers now were back inside her pussy and from across the room I could see his fingers were all the way inside her and she seemed to be on the edge of her first orgasm. Her hands were on his cock but she seemed to lose her pace with stroking him as his fingers competed for her focus. Sure enough, just a moment later, I heard Suzanna began to moan as she does and I saw her arching her back up towards him. One of her own hands was pinching her own nipple as I heard her let out a scream as she had her first orgasm ever from another man in front of me.

Hearing her moan like that and seeing her cum with him like that was just too much for me. I knew if I stayed I would regret it as I knew that if I watched her cum from his cock that it just wouldn't be okay for me. It was just something I could feel inside as if somehow seeing her cum was enough for me. I'd seen her cum, seen her give herself to him and I think I actually feared watching any more.

As she came down from her orgasm they cuddled and kissed and as they did so I took my coat from the chair by the table and just said, "I can't stay. You two have fun but I need to leave".

I hadn't even made it to the door when Suzanna was in front of me naked and flushed from Peter, holding me and begging me to tell her I was okay. I kept from looking at Peter lying naked on the bed and I held Suzanna's naked body in my hands and kissed her deeply. I didn't think, I just said what I knew I needed to say and told her, "You are beautiful but I can't stay. I liked what I saw but that is enough for me for this first time". I kissed her and just said as confidently as I could manage, "You stay and have your fun. Seriously, I'm okay but I need to go now. You stay, okay?” I added, "Really, I'm fine, I love you, have fun and call me when you're on your way home later". With that I just left; I didn't even say anything to Peter. I just knew that if I stayed any longer that I wasn't sure how I'd be and I knew that if I left it as it was just then that I'd be fine.

My hands were shaking in the elevator and I'd half expected Suzanna to come running after me but then thought better of that for they were probably more *****/buzzed than me. I just let it go and said, “What the heck.” I texted her from the lobby though and said, "Have fun, I am fine.”

I think as I sent it that I felt okay and I was pretty sure it was everything was going to be good.

I went straight to my car and headed home with my mind spinning from both the drinks as well as what I'd seen. It was only when the clock in the car told me that it wasn’t yet 10:30pm that I realized all of that I’d seen hadn't even taken 20 minutes! At that thought, I was happy I'd left them when I did.

Our kids were asleep when I got home about 11:15 and for the next hour and a half I paced the floor and fought off every bizarre and bad thought I had until I got a Text message from Suzanna about 12:45am saying she was going to be heading home soon and that she'd be home by about 1:30am.

I waited up for her despite being really tired. She came in and just held me. She didn't say anything for a moment and then just looked up at me, kissed me passionately, and said, "I love you so much; I'm so sorry that wasn't better for you".

We got into our bedroom when Suzanna looked at me and asked if I wanted to undress her. She hadn't put her camisole or pantyhose back on so there was just a bra and panties to encounter. Once they were off all I could think about was that she was naked like this with Peter earlier.

She smelled clean so I knew she'd showered before coming home and thinking of her and Peter washing each other excited me a lot. I thought of how the thought of them doing that turned me on but that I knew I wasn't ready to see them doing it.

Her pussy was so tender and warm and swollen. It felt incredible as we just moved into bed. Once I'd gotten her re-started I could feel how wet she still was inside and she looked up at me and said, "you can have your turn now baby". My cock got even harder as I thought that we hadn't needed any foreplay, that her body was still ready for more sex. My cock slipped right into her and she gave me a moan that could have been fake but I didn’t care or think it was.

I didn't last long. It was almost 2am and I'd been on edge all night that within just a few minutes I started to cum in her. She held me tight and told me she loved me. I tried to keep thrusting in her to maybe give her one last orgasm together with me but she just said, "It's okay baby, I've cum enough for one night, as long as you're okay, that's all that matters".

We held each other but didn't say anything; I didn't know what to say (and 7 hours later still don't know). We washed up with a washcloth in the bathroom and simply went to bed.

******

I woke up about 8:45am but she's out like a light so I doubt she'll be up for another hour or so at least.

I’m not sure how I feel right now. I'm still sorting through all my feelings. I feel stupid for leaving like I did but Suzanna said that it was okay and that she and Peter understood that it was probably too much for me. Now I'm thinking that if that was too much for me then if she asked him to put in her diaphragm in front of me that would have been way too much.

I think it's going to be a weird day today. Hopefully the kids will give us some space and privacy so we can talk more. I liked what I saw it’s I’m not sure I saw what I liked!

I know what I felt though and I left more because it was going to get to me, more than I was going to get annoyed with them. I actually did feel pretty good at first. I mean I expected that she'd be naked with him but it was when he was going to go down on her and I saw her pussy, all I could think was that, "that's my pussy". Seeing Peter’s fingers in her and hearing her orgasm like that, well that really did get me horny but even now I’m questioning whether I can actually watch them fucking. I feel like it’s okay afterwards for him to have cum in her but being there when he does is what I don't think I'm yet ready for.

*****

Well, in addition to one incredible fuck that we had last night we've been talking a lot. One thing that she told me was that as soon as I left their room that she and Peter were kind of stunned at just my getting up and going so quickly. She understands it now and is cool with it realizing that if I stayed or made a bigger deal that it would have made an awkward situation even worse.

What she shared with me was that after I left is that she pulled herself away and started to get dressed to follow-me. It was only when she got my text message that she relaxed and didn't chase after me. She also shared that it took them a while to get started again as Peter felt sort of awkward afterwards.

She told me that when I came into the room that he'd tried to just play it as if I wasn't there and that for both of them when I went into the bathroom they just sort of let loose with each other. Which explains why, when I came out, they had gone as far as they had.

Maybe I should have skipped the foreplay and just joined in when they were already into it. That might have been easier for me. Suzanna agreed saying that she wouldn’t have felt so self-conscious about what she was doing and that she hadn't felt as uninhibited as she normally is.

I did like what I saw though. It was very hot and now, almost 2 days later the reality of the sexuality I saw in Suzanna is just amazing. It wasn't faked like a porn-movie. It was real and it was incredible. I thought it would hurt more to see her cum for/with another guy but that part was a total turn-on for me. I loved seeing her and thinking about what she was feeling.

Looking back now, I loved seeing her like that but I have to remind myself, at the time it felt like someone was just choking me as if I couldn't breathe at all.

She said that she and Peter talked about what had happened and they both said that they too thought maybe this had all been a bit too much. They thought maybe I should have just seen them kissing or a bit more than that at first and then worked my way up, slowly, to seeing them the entire time.

I have so many more emotions that I'm not sure where to go with all of them. I think I'm easing up on any fears of losing Suzanna and she's not thinking something's wrong either. She has said that she does still have trouble accepting to herself that she likes fucking Peter in addition to me and that she enjoys what she shares with him. Maybe she is developing a desire for him that's separate from me but that's okay, I have things I like to do separate from her (although one of them isn't fucking) and that being the case, for now, I'm very happy to give her some space.

If last night’s fuck is a sign of what's happening in/for/to her from all of this then I'll certainly take it. It has been ages since I've seen her so sexually full of desire. At one point she had my cock as far in her mouth as she could and her hands on my ass trying for more. While she was doing that I held one leg up and with my other hand I was rubbing her clit with my thumb, my middle-finger was buried in her pussy and my ring-finger was in her ass to the first knuckle, just enough to set her off. I could feel her pussy literally grabbing at my middle-finger and all I could think was that just 24 hours earlier it was grabbing at Peter's cock like that. Needless to say, she was a mess when I finished in her.

I said, if this is an example of what giving her space is doing then right now I don't want to change a thing. Let’s get this IUD thing going after New Years and maybe I'll do better with a more spontaneous experience for the first time.

******

It's Thursday and it's actually the last time Suzanna and Peter may get together this year. She'd asked me if I was okay if she came home later than usual tonight and I couldn't say no. She called me from work this afternoon before she left for the day and asked me, "How late can I be tonight?"

I just told her to be home before midnight! I probably should have said earlier but I also joked with her that this was part of her Christmas present.

We haven't really talked much more about last week other than yesterday when, since we weren't having sex last night, she asked if I was really okay about her and Peter tonight.

I've felt so close to her in the past few weeks that I told her it was fine. She then shared that she will, in all probability get her period in the next few days so I told her to go have a good time but to be sure she, "saved some for me." I hope she remembers that later tonight come midnight or later;, I'm so horny.

I'm surprisingly calm tonight. Maybe seeing what I saw and experiencing what I did and how Suzanna reacted and cared about how I was, I think I'm feeling much more relaxed about her and Peter.

******

There’s no one home, they're all out somewhere so I hopefully have some time to write.

There wasn't much action here after my last entry as it was time for Suzanna's monthly but she had ‘done enough’ for we had a nice Christmas-Eve fuck after putting all the gifts under the tree and then there was the New Years Eve fuck that has been our tradition for 24 years now.

We did do a lot of talking in the past week and there's been a lot of honesty on both of our parts. From what Suzanna has shared with me I really have no fears about our marriage or our relationship. She's said a lot of things about love and what she values in life that clearly say to me that she is not confusing anything with Peter, or sex in that matter, with what she feels with me and our family.

Maybe us all (the kids and the both of us) being home and having a great time for the past week has cemented our love for each other.

Don't get me wrong though because if anything has also happened over the past week, it's that she's let her really slutty side out in the bedroom with me. Normally that takes a few bottles of wine or champagne but she's allowed me to see her sexy-slutty side a lot more in the past week.

From demanding that I use her butt-plugs on her to her VERY willingness to let me spank her including, quite forcefully, spanking her pussy too; to what she's been saying to me and encouraging me to her to say to her when we're fucking things like that she's been a ‘bad wife’ and going on about her letting other ‘guys cum inside her’; telling me after we've fucked that she wants to lie there and feel my cum dribbling out of her. I've gone along with it as far as I can to the point of "restraining" her with some neckties and stockings and then teasing her about how slutty she is letting Peter fuck her all the time.

Usually it’s vacations and time off away from home that trigger her to let herself go. This has been the first time that it's happening at home (even with the kids around who might, unlikely, overhear!)

It felt like we'd finally allowed ourselves to be really honest with each other. Maybe, for me, it is an acceptance that this is what we want to try and do more often.

She shared a lot of stuff with me that have convinced me that I shouldn't worry about losing her or anything like that. I know her words are heartfelt and very honest and it has left me feeling that she wants to do this (whatever ‘this’ is) but at the same time that she wants to do it in a way that I want too.

I told her that the knowledge that she's having sex with Peter and then having her tease me about it gets me incredibly excited and that I did want her to do it more.

What we did realize is that we both have the same sort of concern of not knowing how far we are each going to be comfortable with doing more.

I chose a moment to ask her about going with another guy; if she had any interest. I sensed a time when she felt she could say what she really felt openly and she did say yes, she has thought about other guys and maybe wanting to do more.

She then added that she really enjoys what she has with Peter and how she feels comfortable talking about my misadventure with them. She reminded me how much it took for them to let me be there and she thanked me for how I seemed to be okay about it all.

I told her that maybe skipping their foreplay or something like that would have made it better and she was really pleased about that; surprised but very pleased. She did say that she would like to find a way to share this with me more if that was what I wanted.

I also learned that one of her concerns about another guy is that it represents more time away from me. I told her that thought made me happy but also the idea of another guy sharing her because she wanted it was something else that made me really happy.

In the end what we learned was that we both want to do more. I told her that as long as I had a safe-word of sorts, something that I could use at any time and not just at an extreme situation, would be good. She agreed that would be good too so we agreed that anytime either of us mention ‘Aunt Pam’ that at that time it would call a halt and be the limit.

She asked some of the things that I've ‘thought about/fantasized her doing (her way of being nice). I felt open enough to tell her a few things like her giving me a bit more denial but not all the time; perhaps a bit more flaunting of her getting ready for Peter. I even told her that I've thought that this IUD thing could be something she teases me about that she wants to do it for Peter and then she added ‘or whoever else’. My cock gave a jump hearing her add that and, damn, if I wasn't incredibly horny after.

All of this honesty and sex talk is what led to the fireworks we've had for the past few days.

She did mention that she has an appointment with her gyno doctor sometime next week to discuss the IUD thing. We had discussed me getting a vasectomy a few years ago but I'm just not comfortable with the idea of someone messing with my ‘equipment’. Her doc told her that if I am truly like this (and I am pretty much the same with all doctors) that I shouldn't do it as there are increases of psychological risks of which I'm already aware and had already tried to explain to her. Maybe it’s all related to this cuckold-adventure we're living.

She also told me about some new procedure that is as effective as getting her tubes tied but is NOT surgery. Something called E-Sure or something like that. It's permanent too which works for us.

So that's it. We both know if I mention ‘Aunt Pam’ in any way she'll know to pull back on the teasing stuff a bit. Not that she'd ever say it but who knows.

******

They are planning on resuming their Thursday ‘meetings’ again this week.

Suzanna went to bed early tonight as she has a lot of running around to do tomorrow but she promised me she'd have some time for us tomorrow night and then took the opportunity to remind me of Wednesday night being her ‘night off’.

******

Suzanna did deny me on Wednesday but it didn't matter as I was busy with work-stuff at home until late that night. I came home to get dinner for the kids and then continued on work-related stuff in our home-office until long after she came home. It was nice that she visited me, locked the door, and then flashed me!

In some ways it was a good thing as after the long holiday break I'd been feeling some angst at her being out that work conveniently gave me something else to focus on.

However, by 10:30pm long after the kids were in bed and I was at a stopping point was I ready for a good fucking!

She didn't let me down and I immediately realized why I love her fucking Peter as she does; she felt incredible last night. She knew I was just horny so she didn't do much teasing at all. Instead she just let me have and use her to my own pleasures.

Whatever they did together, her pussy was heavenly last night; my last few thrusts were incredibly deep and hugely satisfying for me as I let loose like crazy inside her such that it even brought a squeal from her!

******

Suzanna left for work about 2 hours ago leaving me to think on this past Tuesday night when we went back into our usual routine which included her teasing me. This time she started by reminding me that it might be the last time that she'd have to use a diaphragm with me as Friday (tomorrow) she has her doctor’s appointment. Amongst our banter she then said she was going to tell that same thing to Peter on Thursday (tonight).

That comment immediately reminded me that I'd said that I wanted her to be more spontaneous and free to do things if she wanted. I didn't say anything to her on Tuesday night but those thoughts really got me turned on.

That, among other teasing, led to some very intense orgasms for both of us.

Last night she continued her teasing spending a lot of time naked in our bedroom as she got ready for bed, washing and using the bathroom. Maybe it was just me taking notice or that she had deliberately left the door open but it seemed to me that she was taking longer and making a bigger deal out of things. Maybe it was just in my mind but at one point she did put a mirror on the toilet seat and placing a foot next to it she spent a lot of time examining her pussy. I saw her plucked a few stray hairs.

Damn if that didn't turn me on but I was a ‘good boy’ and said nothing and went to bed with a wicked hard-on. This morning I told her that I wanted her tonight when she gets home. She just smiled, kissed me but didn't answer anything.

It's kind of exciting and as I brushed my teeth and put things away I realized it may be the last morning that her diaphragm either being there or not would tell me what she had planned for that day. That's the thought on my mind right now that in the future I’ll not be knowing what she'll be doing.

I can't wait to see her tonight. It's taking a lot of effort to not jerk-off right now.

******

When I do get to finally watch them together, that moment will be very intense even if I don't go along with the whole extreme aspects of it. Being there as Peter cums inside Suzanna will, I expect, be traumatic for me. I already know it that at the moment I see and hear him ‘take her’ from me it is going to affect me deeply. Then again, it already has, in many ways.

I do feel much closer to Suzanna since all of this started. There is something in the way it has brought our sexuality out in the open that just seems to make it easier for us all around. I think many couples dance around sex and thinking back, sometimes I was too reserved, shy or just didn't feel comfortable discussing sex openly with Suzanna. Not just when I wanted to have sex with her but also in discussing it in general; discussing what she wanted and felt and desired. Now that seems to be fairly easy for us. She is no longer embarrassed, ashamed or under confident about expressing herself and now, neither of us feel threatened by any of this. She knows I will always be here for her and I know she will be for me too regardless of what she does or who she does it with.

******

She didn't get home till late on Thursday night blaming it on the cold weather but I knew better and knew that they had been enjoying themselves. It was obvious from the look on her face when she came home. I had already fed the kids and they were off downstairs so I followed Suzanna upstairs and just watched her undress. That always gets me worked up, knowing she'd just put those clothes on when she was done with Peter. I could even see red marks on her breasts and on her legs and thighs but what turned me on most as it always does was when she changed her panties. I could see the wet spot in them and then there was the way her whole pussy looks; reddened, engorged, swollen and moist!. She just smiled at me and said, "you can have your turn later, I promise".

It wasn't until 10:30pm that we were in bed again. She took the spermicide applicator and inserted another dose and then lay back and said, "your turn; I'm tired but you can have fun".

I pushed into her before I was fully hard but after one or 2 strokes I was up to full-speed! It's always different when she's had enough and is letting me have my fun for she just pulls her legs back and tells me to do whatever I wanted. I asked her to tell me about her night and she started to talk to me about Peter going down on her first and getting her all wet.

She then told me that she told Peter as he inserted her diaphragm that it might be the last time he need to do that as she had her doctor’s appointment on Friday. She said that turned him and her on a lot. I knew I wasn't going to last long. Just hearing her tell me about that got me almost to the edge. She told me how she got on top of him and can't wait until they don't have to feel her diaphragm in her when she's in that position!

That did it for me. It was all of maybe 5-10 minutes and as she told me that she said, "you'll like it better too baby." That did it, I blasted my load in her like I hadn't cum in days (which I hadn't!).

Friday morning after the kids left for school and before I left, Suzanna was in the bathroom not only taking out the diaphragm (which is always erotic to watch as lots of "stuff" always drips out of her) but then douching so she can be ‘clean’ for the doctor. I hadn't thought about that much before and I wondered how many gynaecologists look into a woman's vagina and encounter sperm and whatever else.

I went to work and she called me mid-afternoon and said, “I did it” meaning her doc talked her into the IUD.

******

Book filled. Need to start another.

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