Book Four
I also just got a call from her asking if she can have some time with Peter tomorrow evening but she promised she'd be home early enough for us to have dinner together.
When I said okay she then added/asked if I can postpone any plans I may have had for her sexually tonight to tomorrow night. I took a huge swallow as I heard her ask that and all I could say was, "okay".
I know there's a lot of risks here but I have to say that there is a part of me that wants to see this go further so all I am doing is being supportive and encouraging her to do what she wants. The idea that she's doing this on a sort of regular basis now is just incredibly arousing to me. I know that there might be more could be going on that she hasn’t admitted to although I just don't see how given there's just not enough time. I know the dangerous path we're on but I want to see her experience what she wants to without my saying no or controlling her. I'm sure this will run its path in time but for now I want to enjoy the journey.
I have not told her that in my fantasy-mind that I would like this to go further but as she learns more of what she wants to experience, I will support her along the way. She has asked if I'm okay with all of this and I've always said yes. I have not yet admitted that I actually enjoy the denial, just that I'm okay with it, but mentally the idea of her preferring him in some way using the whole ‘diaphragm-being-in-too-long’ thing or if it's her inferring that she wants to be "clean" for Peter, either way, it's a turn-on. I told her to be sure to save some energy for me tomorrow night and she gave me that same giggle and said, "of course silly".
******
I chickened out last night in asking her about what she was thinking or asking other questions. Instead we just cuddled and I avoided spooning with her to prevent her from having my hard-on pressed up against her butt. I won't say I slept well as it took me forever to fall asleep as I tried to think about other things and not to masturbate.
She noticed me watching her more closely this morning as she showered and dressed. She didn't say anything but had a big smile on her face at how I seemed to be absorbed in staring at her. All I could think about was that she'd be doing this same thing of getting cleaned up and dressed in front of Peter later. I wondered what he'd think of her light-blue panties and lacy bra.
I went back up to the bathroom while she got her coffee ready for the drive to work and checked that her diaphragm was with her and it was. I went back downstairs to say goodbye and give her a kiss. I mentioned that she was getting in earlier and as I said that I realized what her answer was going to be, "so I can leave a little earlier, remember?"
I just asked what time she was leaving work and not realizing just how early she was leaving . She said she wants to be out of there by 2:30pm or 3pm at the latest to give them almost 4 hours together later!
I hadn't expected that - not that I'm concerned (at least not just yet) - but that's a lot more time and a lot more sex than I'd realized. Now, sitting here at work I am so fucking horned up about this! No wonder they go for seconds.
She'd better be awake later tonight!
******
She was so tender and hot and wet last night. She told me they'd spent the entire time in the motel room. She told me what motel, it's like a mom and pop motel for like $49 a night, so I guess Suzanna's worth $50 to Peter for a few hours of fun.
She didn't share all the details with me, at least not just yet. I'm sure I'll hear more of them later tonight as even now we're both quite horny still. She did share that Peter went down on her a lot yesterday afternoon. She doesn't always like that, feeling it's almost too much for her even with me but she said she let Peter do it because he'd been asking her for the past few times that he'd love to lick her more before she puts in her diaphragm.
I can only imagine it as she told it to me but seeing her in my mind with her legs pulled back and Peter's tongue in her, I'm about ready to pop again right now.
The only details she shared with me other than the sex being great was that she spent most of the afternoon naked with him too. She said she felt very comfortable with him, not like the comfort she feels with me but very comfortable and that, in the sexy scene of it all, she felt very relaxed to just be herself and let him see all of her. I’m guessing she was mentally comparing it to the quickies in the car or whatever where she's just naked maybe waist down. All I can think about is her cavorting with him naked as can be. She said she felt very comfortable with him and after her diaphragm was in she said she felt so sexy just being ‘available’ for him whenever he wanted to put his cock back in her.
I nearly died when she said she didn't even feel the need to run and clean-up afterwards. I say I nearly died at that comment because I know it confirmed that she's comfortable with him sexually. It's really only in the past 10 years or so that she's finally comfortable lying there like that after WE've had sex so I'm not surprised that she's okay with it with him, but that she's okay with him seeing her like that relatively so soon.
I didn't ask but surely that means they've probably showered together and cleaned-up together already. I'm just realizing some of this now and, wow, it's like a revelation to see that she's really okay and is doing this because she wants it! The idea of them showering together, him washing her body; her doing his, I can't explain how it's making me feel now as this my first realization that she’s reached this point.
I need to go now before I get carried away but hopefully tonight, we'll have more time and we can talk about a lot more. I think she senses that I'm very excited by the things she's doing with Peter and I think that's a good thing for right now. Damn, I could fuck her again right now especially after clicking over to that mental picture I have of her! To think that's how she must look with Peter. Wow, that's so intense to think about.
******
Suzanna and I talked a lot this weekend and a lot of things came out. I told her that I’m beginning to feel a bit awkward about how close and comfortable together that she and Peter seems to be now.
I had always put the physical sex and the emotions during that on one side but the realization that they've showered together and washed each other seems to have brought out some new emotions and feeling in me. Our conversations over the weekend revealed that she's totally opened up to him in ways that both concern me but are, at the same time, absolutely a turn-on.
I don't think I revealed the extent of my arousal to her - but I did express some concerns over her seeming to be very open with him. My concerns became enough for me to bring it up with her after - not only did she say she spends most of her time with him with her naked. That alone said a lot to me in that she's usually a bit reserved but that she feels totally comfortable letting him see all of her - she said she actually, in some ways, can't wait to get undressed with him. But I really came unglued when she told me very plainly that she not only showed him how to insert her diaphragm - that she actually let him do it!!!! I swear I felt such a mix of emotions at that moment - I remember how I felt long ago when she showed me that too. To now think that she's that comfortable with him has me feeling almost dizzy from so much to think about.
I guess the fact that I am deriving some enjoyment and arousal out of this confirms my acceptance of being a cuckold. I just wouldn't have guessed that it would quite be so mentally/emotionally intense at times.
*******
I haven't really told Suzanna about my discomfort and angst. I mean, I've shared with her how I feel but I haven't said that she's hurting me or anything like that because I’m not sure that she is. I have not expressed any great discomfort about anything. Indeed, I've conveyed that I'm okay with what she's doing.
The angst and discomfort I'm experiencing is just in my head, at the reality of what I've started in her but, right now, I have to say honestly, that I don't think I want to change anything. I know it may sound crazy but I kind of want to see what happens here. I don't think she's going to run off with Peter, I just don't see that.
Coincidentally, just last night I told her that I wasn't happy with her doing the late-from-work thing on Fridays. For me it puts the start of the weekend off to a weird start. She smiled back at me and said that was good that I'd said that because she wanted to have some time with Peter this afternoon, Thursday!
She said that at 10pm last night and I although I had no intention on having sex with her last night, the moment she said that, I suddenly became so incredibly horny for her. I also knew that I would have to wait and I have to say that last night, for maybe the first time, I actually think I felt good about it and I let myself relax about the anxiety I would usually put myself through it at having to wait for her.
We talked a bit more and I asked her if she was going to leave work early or something like that today but she said that she, "just wanted a quickie" and then told me she's expecting her period any day now so this could be the last time for a while. I'm looking outside and I see that the weather will be nice for them for a change.
I know it may sound crazy but in the back of my mind, I've been wanting her to do this for so long that now that it's really happening, I guess I'm getting acclimatized to how things are going.
She does share everything with me, during foreplay and passionate sex in the days after she's been with Peter and I think that she's told me everything that they do. Some has made me cringe at just how familiar he is now with Suzanna's body and how comfortable they are having sex together. I cannot describe the feelings I have when she tells me that. Part angst and discomfort is the overwhelming emotion but, my god, that is so far outweighed by the desire I have for her and the excitement I get from hearing her and feeling her body that's had pleasures from him and with him.
I honestly don't think I want her to change anything. It's really amazing to see someone you love so dearly being able to let herself go and know she's enjoying herself. I imagine it's the same way she may feel about me when I may go off skiing or golfing for a day, her knowing I'm enjoying myself.
The idea that she's having such passionate sex with him; the knowledge that when I look down at her when we're in bed or that we're about to have sex and to know she's eagerly let another man have her and that his cock has been inside her and that his sperm has been left inside her numerous times, it just turns me on incredibly.
I should add that Suzanna has complimented me and commented on the level of passion she feels with me while we're having sex. I have also told her that I feel she orgasms more freely and even maybe more fully since she's been seeing Peter. She hasn't clearly said this to me, but she has said that she does do things with him that she doesn't do with me. Not so much positions or actions but that she allows herself to be just totally physical with him. I asked her if not being in love with him lets her focus more on herself and her own pleasure. She wasn't sure about that but she did say that she didn't feel the need/desire that she does with me to try to cum together as we often do. She said that many times she'll orgasm first and will then, as she puts it, enjoy watching and feeling him cum.
*******
Last night she got home about 6:45pm and we all had dinner together. I managed to get her upstairs in the bedroom for a few minutes and she let me put my hand down the front of her pants and feel her wet pussy as we kissed but she made me wait till we got our daughter to bed about 9:15 before we shut ourselves in our bedroom.
I do so wish she'd get an IUD or go on the pill or, if it's a safe time, just do it with Peter without her diaphragm for I would just love to taste her! Using the diaphragm and that spermicide cream just tastes so nasty.
Despite having those thoughts she knew I wasn't going to last long. I knew she probably wouldn't cum with me but I did be sure to make her feel as good as possible and I think she may have had a little orgasm as I let loose in her.
I don't think I will ever tire of how she feels after she's come home from being with Peter. I won't say her pussy is normally really tight or anything like that (and even when we'd pretend with her dildos that she's fucking another guy) nothing ever feels like it does when she's been with him. There's such slickness and not so much openness as just her pussy feeling so compliant.
I'm trying not to get too riled up because we're almost ready to say goodnight to our daughter soon and I want her again tonight and she reminded me about her period soon so I want to be sure to get tonight in if nothing else. Another positive was admitted when she did say she thought that sex seems to be helping her cope with her PMS!
We haven't talked about anything else yet but I hope to this weekend. Maybe I'll have the guts to tell her that I'm truly enjoying what she's doing; maybe over a bottle of wine and a picnic lunch in a park this weekend.
*******
We've been talking about a lot of stuff since she's got her period. Surprisingly, she's in a good mood so it's been sort of easier to talk. She's brought things up a lot, which is good, and usually I've been the one to start things.
Where to start though?. Well, over this past weekend she plainly asked me at one point something like, "Does it turn you on to think about me having sex with Peter?”
I said to her plainly, "Yes, it does".
She then asked me to tell her about what I'm feeling when she's with him and that led to a lot of different stuff being brought out. I told her I was okay with them having sex; I told her that I knew she'd been with other guys including her ex-husband and I was honest and told her that it had always turned me on that she'd fucked so many (relatively speaking, 8 before we were married and 3 since, including me) guys in the past. She was on the pill long ago before we deliberately had kids and I told her that also turned me on, that all these other guys got to cum inside her. (She knew this but seemed to like hearing it in this context).
Then I told her that now I was feeling a bit uncomfortable about their intimacy. I told her how her showering with Peter and her letting him put her diaphragm in, among other things, made me feel awkward. She didn't totally understand at least not at first.
I asked her how she felt at those times and she was very open and honest. She started by saying she loved me more than anything or anyone but that when she was with Peter she felt different and that she wanted to be there for him. I didn't understand and she hemmed and hawed around until she finally said that unless we (me and her) go away on vacation or maybe we deliberately arrange for a sexy evening at home by keeping the kids occupied or sending them elsewhere for a sleepover that’s the time when she can really feel she can let herself go sexually; other times, she just can't escape the feeling of being just a mom/wife.
I was kind of not surprised by that as I've known for a long time that she's like this as I suspect most soccer-mom types are (even though our kids aren't in sports) but you know what I mean. I've known that if I can get her away for a weekend alone that she'd do anything and everything including going out with no bra/panties and letting other guys check her out. On those occasions but it never went past there with anyone else but there was the time when we were in a hotel one night without the kids and during foreplay I put a ‘plug’ in her pussy (a latex one with a flared base, narrow neck and then large pointed bulb top) and made her go out with me with it in her and no panties on. She loved it.
Anyway, she says that when she's with Peter that because she has no emotional attachment to him (and she did emphasize that over and over) that she can just be sexual with him without caring. She sort of confessed to feeling like she wants to get it out of her system, that's the urge she says she feels with him. In time she also said that this is sort of what she's feeling behind her saying that she likes being naked with him. She said she likes him looking at her sexually, that she feels good about that when he looks at her and she can see that he wants her or something to that effect. I suspect what she’s trying to say is that when she’s with him that she feels she can shed her ‘mom’ image and let herself be a slut with him.
Now all this didn't come out all at once; I'm putting together what's probably been spread over 3-4 days and 5 or more hours of different talks.
At home, she's never liked me looking at her that way; she says she doesn't like me looking at her as a sex object but, it seems, somehow that she does like it with Peter. I just don't get it but she said that's the difference; she loves me and she cares about me and how I see and feel about her. She insisted that she does NOT love Peter but at the same time she does love how he looks at her. She even said that she will lie in bed with him, with her legs spread knowing he's looking at her pussy. I know she hates it when I do that to her, stare at her pussy, especially after we've had sex but she feels like she wants Peter to stare at her even more after they're done! I just don’t get it!
I have to say when we had that conversation, we got pulled away by something and she knows I am still very disoriented by what she said. I just can't believe that she's saying she's almost this Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing, that she can be like that with Peter and actually want it but that she's not comfortable with me like that.
But, on the other hand, outside that moment I have to say that in addition to this confusion I have in trying to understand her, I have to say that when I think about it, it is very arousing to me. That she can share this slutty side of her with another guy like she is. I guess I should have added that when we're out as I described, away from the kids, she is the same with me (it may take a day or so to get her there though instead of it apparently being an automatic thing with Peter) but by the end of a weekend without the kids she is as brazenly openly sexual with me as she is with Peter.
So, I sort of get it.
I asked her if she enjoyed sex with Peter and what she enjoys most about it. She said that she always felt passion with him, that there was always a desire between them both for more. She said that her intimacy with him of showering or getting cleaned up before hand and the whole diaphragm routine made her feel close to him and more easily able to just get to it. I think she picked up on that I get a bit of arousal out of this so she told me how she felt very special with Peter preparing her diaphragm.
I swear I was rock hard hearing her describe all this and just cannot get the image out of my mind of her spreading her legs and letting him put it in her even before they start to get going. She says the fact that there is no doubt that they are getting together for sex makes it easier for her.
I did open up to her a bit about the cuckold-side of things after she asked me how I truly felt the nights before she sees Peter. She asked if it really bothered me that she asked me to wait.
Now, I don't think she knows what a cuckold is as I've never used that term with her and she's never used it with me. She asked at a good moment over the weekend (not when we were discussing all the stuff above that gave me concern) and I just answered her simply that it did turn me on when she said to me that she did want Peter more than me. I told her that it turned me on that she wanted her body to be clean for him and that she knows that I have always wanted sloppy seconds for ages. I told her I accepted that as that’s my desire that it meant her saying no to me.
We've read plenty of Penthouse Letters so she knows that guys get turned on by this and she asked me if I was okay, no, not just OK but whether I was enjoying what she was doing with Peter and not about our sex together afterwards. That was the million dollar question; she asked if I enjoyed her sexual activity with Peter.
I just nodded my head yes.
She smiled at that and said she was glad because she wanted to be really sure I was good with it. I told her that as long as she came home to me at night and that our marriage and life together was strong, that I did enjoy knowing she was having sex with Peter. We talked about a few other things and that was when I finally ask her if I could watch them one day.
She wasn't surprised at my request at all. As a matter of fact, she was surprised that I hadn't already asked as she knew I did want to watch. She said she'd asked Peter and he said he was okay with the idea but hoped he'd be able to ‘perform’. She said that now that she knew I did, that she'd discuss it with Peter and see what we could all work out.
******
I wouldn't say she's necessarily dressing any differently but she does seem to be more aware of her sexuality. She seems to be more aware of how much cleavage she's showing and when to show it and how things look on her. I guess, maybe she's tending towards clothes that do make her look better but that's about all. It's not like she's suddenly running around without a bra or panties.
I do know that she will dress a bit nicer when she is seeing Peter. Instead of the plain granny-panties she will wear some nicer undies such as lacy panties and definitely nicer bras. The last time she took a small carry bag with her and I know she put that tiger-print camisole in there along with her perfume, makeup, etc. That part I find very arousing and I also told her so, that seeing her making ‘preparations’ in the morning, knowing where she'll be later that evening is a turn-on.
It's been an interesting week so far and I feel good about almost everything. Whether I feel good about us, I'm not 100% on everything yet. However, I have to say, we haven't felt as close as this in a long time.
*******
She’s already left for work so she can leave early this afternoon for her weekly fun with Peter. Since she got through with her period she's been very horny but last night she said, "Sorry baby, but can you wait till tomorrow night, you know how I like to be for Peter tomorrow".
It seems she's become comfortable with our situation to the point now after all our talking last week where she now feels comfortable just telling me like it is.
So, here I am, after seeing the empty bathroom drawer again this morning.
I have to say, last night was actually kind of different now that she's more open and comfortable with it. It was very sexy watching her get changed for bed with both of us knowing that I'd be waiting till tonight for my fun.
******
She keeps her diaphragm in that drawer in the bathroom and I check there in the mornings after she leaves for work. It is incredibly arousing to look and see the empty spot and know what it means.
I would actually say that since we talked and talked last week that since it is now more out in the open that it's her desire to have me wait. I feel incredibly turned on and aroused by that and I'm more comfortable sharing that excitement and arousal with her. Damned if my cock isn't on the edge of bursting just thinking of having her later tonight.
******
Last night was really enjoyable for us together before bed. I had a huge hard-on as I watched her getting changed. She asked me if I wanted to masturbate but I just told her that I wanted that anxiety to last till today/tonight. She thought that was sweet and even mentioned that if I wanted to jerk-off that she would be okay even if it meant I might not have wanted her or wanted her as much tonight.
I asked her what she meant by that and she just said, "tonight after I come home it’s more for you than me”.
Hearing her say that also turned me on. What's so cool now is that it's just easier for us to say and do this stuff now.
******
She came home about 6:45pm and we went upstairs right away and she asked me if I wanted to undress her before dinner was ready.
I swear my hands were shaking as I unbuttoned her top and saw hickies and suck marks all over her breasts but that was nothing to when I unzipped her skirt and slid it and her slip down and caught the pungent smell of sex.
I got to see where the crotch of her light blue panties was darkened from being wet. She didn't let me take them off her but instead she moved back and slid them down herself and stepped out of them. I went to grab her and throw her onto the bed but she pushed me back and said, "you'll just have to wait a bit longer, besides, it's a bit tired out right now" pointing to her pussy.
I sat stunned on the bed as she went into the bathroom and got a warm washcloth to wipe herself. I was just stuck admiring her as she pranced back in front of me to go to her dresser where she found a pair of granny-panties and some sweats.
I was just so turned on by all of that I just sat there motionless until she gave me a kiss and said, "What’s for dinner, I'm starving".
We had a nice family meal but I had to wait until the kids were off to bed before I knew if she was going to be just for me or not and for my turn in her pussy. She kept up the teasing by saying things like, "it'll be your turn soon" and stuff like that.
******
It took me a bit to figure out what she meant by cap and coil but I figured it out. We did talk about that last week too. She said she's going to make an appointment with her doctor and see what her options are. She doesn't want anything with hormones but I told her that there are IUD's without them. I told her we could be more spontaneous and she said back, "yes, I could be" and I just let it go but I wonder how she'll be if she does do it. I might regret that.
I've been thinking about whether she's talking to me and doing other stuff more openly now because she knows I like it as opposed to her doing it because she likes it. I think that's part of what I see in her. She's enjoying the sex with Peter but what and how she does with me seems to be more based on what I want her to do instead of what she wants.
Despite the rainy weather, she's out shopping so I had time to update. While I cannot say for sure she really wanted to have sex with me on Thursday night, there was no doubt about last night that is for sure. She again teased me with things from the previous afternoon including asking me if I wanted to put her diaphragm in like Peter had done for her. Damn if I didn't nearly cum as she said that. I know she saw how I looked and how turned on I was as I took the honour of preparing her for intercourse. From smearing the cream around to spreading her pussy open and then inserting my fingers in to be sure it's in place; knowing she lay there the night before and Peter had done the same was just incredible for me.
She was almost insatiable even being aggressive and climbing on top and grinding herself into me. Telling me at times that this was how she'd been with Peter too. It was incredible, she was so wet she teased me how it was still Peter's cum in her and that really set me off and that in turn brought her off one last time. As we both came down she felt so close to me hugging me and holding me that it erased any misgivings I'd ever had.
*******
Yesterday afternoon while the kids were elsewhere, we had a chance to talk. We were still buzzing from Saturday night and kissing each other when she asked again if I was enjoying everything. It was a close moment and I just told her that I was enjoying it a lot. She asked if she was too over-the-top or anything like that and I just said that it was incredible for me and that I loved her sharing her thoughts with me and that I thought what she was doing with Peter had really brought out some intensity between us that I hadn't felt quite so often in the past. She agreed and said she felt naughty telling me about what she was doing but that if I enjoyed it, that she ‘guessed’ it must be okay.
As we talked, she asked me that if I liked what she was doing, she asked if she should be doing more or perhaps less. She said that she wanted to make this as good for me as it is for her. Hearing her say that made me feel really good about us. So I told her that I wasn't sure totally but said that there was more she could do with me if she wanted to. The kids came back then so we didn't talk about much more then but last night she asked me more about what I was thinking.
I wasn't sure what I wanted to tell her as I’m not sure I'm ready to suggest things she isn't necessarily wanting herself so I just played it safe and told her that when we're in bed and stuff, that she can tell me more about them together and that I thought it'd turn me on to hear her tell it to me.
She smiled at that answer and I thought we were going to fuck but instead she asked me if I'd like a bj instead. I smiled as she's not often offering that and she said she was going to play with a toy while she took care of me. She put her little vibrating-egg in her pussy and it was quite nice to watch her masturbate as she brought me off orally, I even believe we may have cum together, or pretty close.
This morning as we dressed, there was this shared sense of seeing a bit more of each other that seemed really nice and, yes, her diaphragm is still in the drawer.
******
She left early again this morning, before 7:30am today. She said several times to me she was trying to get in early so she and Peter can have more time this evening and she said thank-you again to me for not pestering her for sex last night. I actually didn't bring it up at all but this morning as she waltzed naked around after her shower she made a point of telling me how she likes to be naked with Peter too. She'd told me this many times but seeing her standing at the sink in the bathroom and then looking over what she wanted to wear today at her dresser her comment did give me a very jealous feeling that this is what Peter will be seeing later today.
The more we go on with this, the more I'm actually realizing that it's not so much the actual sex that gets to me, but, like I said, it's the intimacy she's sharing with him that had previously been mine that is getting to me the most and getting me so turned on. It's interesting because it's not what I expected. Of course the sex part is incredible too, knowing my sweetheart is sharing herself with Peter and then me afterwards, but seeing her in the buff like she was this morning sort of got to me. I didn't say anything other than I hoped she enjoys herself and that I'll be waiting to have dinner with her tonight.
I don't know if it was intentional but after she'd gone downstairs I was brushing my teeth at the sink and she came back, reached in front of me and took out the diaphragm and the cream from the drawer saying, "... can't forget this." I swear my cock got hard as she left the bathroom and I think she knew it when I gave her a kiss goodbye at the front-door.
******
Suzanna's in great shape as she exercises regularly and does kegels and pelvic exercises as part of her normal regime. Her control of the muscles in her groin is impressive and she knows how to use that to best effect. She’s already told me that Peter's not much bigger than me (longer perhaps but not thicker). She'll tighten up on me at times, but tonight, she knows I like how she feels all loose inside and I even think she may try to relax her muscles down there for me at times since she knows I enjoy that sensation at times.
She doesn't have anything that fits the ‘for Peter-only’ category just yet and it might be difficult to explain to the kids why mommy has two lingerie drawers. Still, in a way, I think I'd like her to maybe do something like that in time if this continues working for us. Maybe not so much a separate drawer but I could accept and be okay if she had some stuff that she preferred to wear for him only. To see lingerie in her drawer knowing it was ‘for him’ and only being able to imagine her wearing them could be something that would be arousing. I'm not sure we're at that point yet either in her desire or my comfort level.
On the outside I look and sound calm but really my insides are tied in knots and, to make matters worse, my cock is stiff and throbbing.
*******
She's probably with Peter by now and I have such mixed feelings thinking about it. My cock is rock hard thinking of her with him, picturing her on her back with legs up in the air and her moans and screams filling the air; what delicious vision. Yet at the same time I am concerned at the intimacy she is sharing with Peter. Even if she doesn't really want nor need sex with me later I really do need it with her tonight; I need to feel her body; need to feel her closeness and, I hope, she will continue to tease me with more details of them together.
I haven't asked her again about watching them. To be honest, I don't know if I'm ready for that just yet myself. I know I do want to watch her/them eventually but until I can get over my discomfort at their intimacy, I'm not sure I'll be okay seeing them. In my mind I KNOW how she is with him but I don't know that I'm actually ready to watch them in person. I hope to get there one day and maybe then invite him to our house to make things easier.
I've told her that I would like her to turn up the volume on the teasing stuff outside of when we're having sex together and I am thinking that this morning's episode in the bathroom may be her doing just that. She must have known how that would make me feel and that's what I want, for her to want to do that on her own and for herself instead of her doing it because she knows it's a turn-on for me.
It’s two and a half more hours or so before she's home. I do hope she lets me undress her again. It was incredible when she let me do that last week.
*******
I'm not sure where to begin. She teased me from the moment she came home. She didn't go upstairs and change when she came home. Instead she just hung in the kitchen with me and the kids as we got dinner ready. It was such a turn on knowing she's sitting there casually talking to us all the while she's got Peter's sperm in her and probably soaking into her panties.
When she did go up after dinner to change I followed her but as she turned into the bedroom she said, "Nope, you have to wait till later" and with that she closed the door on me! Damn if my cock didn't almost burst at that moment.
I hung around the landing until she emerged 15 minutes later in her sweats. She smiled and then kissed me passionately before going back down to the kids without saying a word. I looked in the hamper in the bathroom but her panties weren't there.
It wasn't until our son went off to bed just after 10pm that she joined me in the bedroom and for me to finally have her to myself. She teased me more by saying how, "tired she was" and how she didn't have much energy for me but then she added, "but you can have me, I know you need to”.
She stood there and finally let me undress her. She still had the same panties on and they were pretty much ‘stuck’ to her where they'd dried a bit. She continued her teasing by saying stuff like "sorry it's so messy” which she knew drove me crazy.
By 11pm or so my cock was so drained that it almost hurt, that's how much I wanted and needed her by then. Despite her claiming to being tired or whatever her legs were definitely and willingly up in the air as she let me have my turn.
******
I would say she is becoming very accepting of teasing me and seems to be enjoying it herself too.
She had on a long skirt last night and several times when the kids weren't nearby she lifted the front of her skirt and flashed me her wet panties! The sight made me want to drag her upstairs and she knew it. Between doing that and her making little comments she was driving me crazy. She'd whisper to me how she felt ‘used’ and teased me several times at how her pussy was ‘just for me’ when we'd have sex later.
Seeing her undress in front of me and seeing her peel her panties down just blew me away. I think I wanted her more last night than ever before.
As we lay in bed getting started she told me without much fuss or emotion how Peter had made her feel so wonderful earlier. Again she emphasized how she loved to be naked with him. I just didn't know who she was when she told me how she liked to see him looking at her pussy. It's so hard for me to imagine her just lying there on the bed spread for him.
She told me how she masturbated in front of him; how SHE wanted to do that not that he'd asked for her to do it.
I think she's seeing that hearing about their intimacy and close comfort is what is getting me so worked up. She told me how she lay back and how by now Peter knows just what to do to put her diaphragm in. She surely must have seen my cock throbbing and dripping pre-cum as she told me that and more.
She didn't suck me at all but instead, she lay back and told me to have her like Peter did and that was when she apologized for being so messy.
I didn't think I'd last until finally the time was right for my turn. She was still very wet inside and my god, that just turned me on incredibly when she pulled her knees back and told me that was how Peter liked her. I think she deliberately told me that because she knows it is also my favourite position! I don't think I lasted more than 5 minutes once I was in her but I think she had at least one good orgasm with me.
******
I'm still thinking that she's doing this for me more than she's doing it for herself, at least the teasing part, that is. I think either she's letting her emotions with me get in the way or that she's just not into that part of it.
When we first started talking about all of this - her with another guy - she was never into anything of where she'd be putting him ahead of me and she never expressed much of that at all. It's not like I don't make her cum a lot when we fuck so I do think she's doing a lot of this just for me.
I think she knows it does turn me on so she's doing it because of that. I'd also say that's why she's not doing anything to hurt me. I actually think the whole ‘Wednesday Denial’ thing is a bit much for her to do but this week I sensed that she seemed more into that. That's also why I'm very reluctant to push things further like her doing other things or me getting to watch her. I still don't get the vibe from her that this is anything more than just getting a workout or a dance in at a club with another guy in terms of how she's feeling about me.
I did tell her that I'm still not totally comfortable with how intimate she is with Peter but that part she is standing firm on. She says that when she's with him, she just wants to be with him in every way so it's a weird line we're straddling right now. I think in some ways, we both may be a bit too cautious to let it go to the next step for either of us.
All I know is that she is on fire for days after she's been with Peter and my cock actually aches today from the fucking last night for what felt like hours again. She did say to me last night that Peter really enjoys having sex with her because he doesn't have to use a condom which is what he and his wife use for birth control. She got her answer that it turned me on when she felt my cock seem to grow even larger after she said that.
******
Am I ready for more teasing and even more extended periods of her denying me? I don't know that I'm quite there just yet. If and when that day gets here, I think I will embrace it. It is so strange at how I would actually want that but I know that if SHE wanted it, that I would be fine with it.
I asked her point blank whether she enjoyed or got anything out of her teasing me and I also asked about how she felt on Wednesdays when says she wants to wait for Peter the next day.
She said that she does the teasing stuff more for me than for her. She said she can accept that it turns me on but she's not totally into her role where she puts me down as she's said repeatedly that she doesn't want to hurt me or us. I was supportive and told her that I would say if anything was too much.
She said she completely enjoys the sex with Peter and she made it clear that she does not want to change anything there even if I wanted her to. She added that for herself she herself doesn't get anything out of teasing me other than she likes giving me some pleasure that stems from her sexual enjoyment with Peter. She says that if I truly enjoy her teasing and such, that she would try to keep it up but she made it clear that it's only because I enjoy it. I suppose that's a good thing but I don't know that I see her evolving into more of a true cuckoldress.
So, there’s my dilemma. There's a part of me that would love for her to do more, including more denial before/after Peter, but if her heart isn't in it, I'm not so sure.
There is the other part, her clear desire for her Thursdays with Peter. I told her that I equally enjoy and want to share that more. So, last night she opened up.
******
I started it out by asking her whether I needed to be worried about her intimacy she shares with Peter and I made it clear that it was this stuff, more than the teasing or denial or that stuff that really was where I was having mixed feelings.
Here, she took a much stronger position; she'd already told me during foreplay that Peter loves sex with her because he doesn't need to use a condom. I told her I was okay with the sex part and I always have been, even with all the guys she was with in the past. I knew none of them had used condoms and I had long told Suzanna that part of her past always aroused me.
As I said, she took a strong position with me on this and just said clearly that she gets the same type of sex with Peter every Thursday as we have together only when we're away on vacation or without the kids. I knew what that meant; he's able to get her to go crazy whereas I can only do so under the right circumstances. I told her that I was jealous that Peter got her like that and I didn't and for the first time I think she saw that this was something she wanted and that she also was able to tell me she wanted.
Maybe that will be the opening to her doing more, I don't know.
She made it clear to me that she only considers Peter to be her lover, nothing more. She also said that she denies him nothing when they are together and she emphasized ‘nothing’. She said that is why she loves to be naked with him (and she reminded me that when I do get her away from the kids that is how she is with me too) and that he loves to look at her even as they sit and watch TV, talk or have a drink or 2. She said she feels so comfortable with him that now she feels nothing at all uncomfortable about being his altogether. She even told me that she'll pee in the bathroom with the door open or even with him standing there! She barely does that with me. not that it's anything sexual, but she says she just feels like she wants it to be totally in the open with him.
She told me that she knew I wasn't comfortable with him putting in her diaphragm. As she said that, she put her finger under my chin and tipped my head up to look at her as she simply said, "I like him to do that for me". I just couldn't say anything in response.
Before we messed around last night we sat on the bed as we started kissing and stuff and she said she'd tell me how it was with Peter if I wanted to hear. I almost asked her at that moment if I could possibly watch one day but I didn't have the nerve.
I swear the more she told me, the more incredible it all seemed. Hearing her describe how he sucked at her breasts (I told her I knew, that I could see from the hickies) to how he'd hold her close while they kissed. We were naked and caressing each other as she was saying this and I know my cock was throbbing and bouncing away as she told me this. Picturing them embracing on the bed passionately kissing gets me hard even now!
When we're home with the kids downstairs, she rarely lets me go down on her as she tends to get crazy when I do that so I bit my lip and listened as she told me how Peter would gently go down on her and how she would pull her knees back for him. She then told me that was why she showed Peter how to put her diaphragm in her so that she didn't need to do it and that Peter could do it. I felt like I was dying inside in a way as she told me how she brazenly and openly let him have her however he wanted.
She told me that sometimes she'd let him push his way into her before he put her diaphragm in. She added that she only did this late in her cycle and I know that because we do the same thing. All I could say was that I hoped she was careful.
Then she told me how he fucks her; that's how she said it too, "...how he fucks me....” How after all these weeks now, how she feels so comfortable with him that she can just let go so easily with him. She made sure to tell me that she still loves my cock and sex with me but she also made it clear that she loves sex with Peter. She didn't say much about his size other than that he's not as thick as me but I remember her saying he was longer than me which has always turned me on thinking of guys who were longer than me touching her inside where I can't and leaving their cum deeply in her.
******
Last night I masturbated for Suzanna or should I say ‘in front of Suzanna’. She encouraged me by saying she was going to be like she is with Peter, naked and letting me see ALL of her! That turned me on and she teased me more to further encourage me. She must have been in a great mood because just as I was going to cum she leaned over and finished me off orally!! Damn that was great and I was in a great mood this morning as she left her usual early on Thursdays. I didn't need to check the bathroom drawer as it's a given that the diaphragm will not be there. It's actually getting easier for me this week as I don't feel the same angst today.
I got to thinking that I do see similarities in that Suzanna seems to have separated sex from love with Peter. The difference I see is that Suzanna hasn't separated that with me and the passion we feel together and of that there is no doubt. When we have sex it is absolutely enhanced by the love we have for each other. Yes, I can accept that she may scream louder or be more brazen with Peter than she can be at home but I know that the sex we have together is deep and connective for us. When I look into her eyes as she clutches at my body as I feel her orgasm under me there is no doubt in my mind.
However, thoughts about aspects of more denial are nonetheless very arousing. I would like to experience how it would feel for her to say ‘not tonight please’ on a Thursday when she gets home. I think that moment would be profoundly arousing for me but I’m thinking more than two days of denial would be too much for me at this point.
I think if we can keep open and honest with each other and still have intense loving sex that hopefully this will all work out. I haven't seen her as happy as this in general in years and that makes me feel great. I will heed the warnings in my head and try to be aware if I see other changes between us.
*******
I was concerned that my masturbating with Suzanna on Wednesday might have taken the edge off of Thursday but it didn't, it was almost the opposite as I did let myself go with the knowledge that she preferred me to do that instead of having sex with her. By Thursday night, I was quite ready.
She did get home a bit later. The kids are now used to the routine and ask her how her conference call with overseas went and the whole time she's giving me a knowing smile.
I think I'm quite used to this now and just the knowledge that only an hour earlier she'd been having sex with Peter is now enough to drive me crazy. Sometimes I think I can taste sperm on her breath or on her lips but I expect it's my imagination. I remember noticing her bare legs and wondered where her thigh-highs had gone to.
We finally said good night to our son about 9:30pm and then we went upstairs. We think he's figured out now that when we say goodnight early like that, it's because we're going to have sex.
Maybe it’s my over-active imagination but I seemed to be very aware of all of her. I can't explain it but as she undressed, I took in every bit of skin, every nook and cranny, and it just turned me on to no end to think that Peter had her like this not 4 hours earlier. Seeing her lay back on the bed and crook her finger to call me to her, damn, even now I'm hard again.
It was like most Thursday sex (as I think of it) that she feels so incredible, a silky smoothness that is unimaginable. Knowing and feeling that Peter was in her, maybe even deeper than me, it was driving me crazy. I know she was tired but the look on her face just said to me that she wanted me to have her as deep and as much as she'd let Peter have. At least that was how it felt at that moment. Her pussy opened up and felt just incredible as we both for a change came together. Me, much more intensely than her but she too came for sure as the sweat on her forehead is a giveaway along with how her body feels.
We didn't really talk that much till afterwards when she said to me that I seemed to ‘really’ want her tonight and wanted to be sure I was okay. We did talk about stuff, but nothing terribly sexual as we lay there and watched TV. I'd hoped to hear about her time with Peter but she seemed to talk about anything but, so I let it go figuring maybe she'd just had too much sex for one night.
Her diaphragm case seems to have some symbolism for me and seeing it back in the drawer after her shower Friday morning was like a sign that her time with Peter was over for this week. As I said, I seem to have started to notice lots of things.
Last night though we did talk. Again, we didn't head up to bed till after 10pm and as she started to undress, I asked her if she'd tell me about her night with Peter. She asked me if I was sure I wanted to hear and I said yes. She smiled at that and said okay. As I undressed and we both climbed into bed naked she started.
*******
I still have this uncomfortable feeling when she tells me how close she feels with Peter and as she told me what they'd done, those feelings came crashing over me.
Again she started by simply saying she wanted to be naked with him. Just hearing her say that made me feel so aroused and yet, I guess, almost jealous in a way. I'd never thought about it but she told me how they kiss and how it turns her on for Peter to undress her. She was gently stroking my now hard cock as she told me more of how once she was naked, how she undressed him.
I know they kiss. At first I wasn't happy about that but now, as I kissed her, it turned me on to know that Peter's tongue (among other things) was in her mouth and how they shared their passion in a deep kiss.
After this though she began to share how intimate they are together; how she sucked gently at his cock or how he at her breasts. I felt like I would die when she pulled her legs back for me and said that was how she ‘presented’ herself for Peter so he could go down on her. A second later I was doing the same and that knowledge drove me crazy with desire.
Lying next to her naked like that and knowing that is how she is with him just drove me crazy for her. I felt it was now a challenge for myself to make her cum like Peter had done for her. I swear, thinking of him licking her pussy like I was spurred me on and I too made her scream with delight though probably not quite as vocally. As her body began to relax I slid upwards and rubbed my cock against her pussy and that seemed to remind her.
She reached around to the nightstand and picked up her diaphragm and the cream and asked me if I wanted to put it in like Peter does for her. Oh my god, I swear my hands were shaking and I nearly came without touching myself as she put it in my hands. When she saw my reaction she smiled and a second later when I was ready she said something like, "this is how Peter puts it in me" and she proceeded to just spread her legs apart and, there it was, her pussy on display. I leaned down and I just knelt there and it seemed like time itself stopped for a second.
This was the reality of the moment of my greatest anguish I've had. The idea that Peter had done this same act with my own wife just got to me. It was like an out of body experience or something because the next thing I heard was Sue asking me if I was okay. It was almost surreal as I folded it in half with one hand and with the other I spread her pussy open. As second later it was in and I was feeling around inside her to make sure it was in the right place. The whole time all I could think was that Peter also gets to do this with her.
From that moment onwards it's a blur. She told me what positions they have tried and what each of them likes. It was how she told it that got to me, as we moved from me on top of her to her on her knees and me behind her, she'd just say, "this is my favourite with Peter" and stuff like that. She'd found a middle-ground where she was teasing me as we were fucking and that really turned me on, hearing how what I was doing was the same as he had done.
I don't know how I lasted as long as I did but I do know that by the time we were face-to-face with me on top and her legs locked behind me pulling me in as deeply as I could get, at that point, there was no more teasing from her just deep, incredible loving passion. I swear, at that moment, it felt like we were one. My cock felt like it was huge and it's job was to totally fill her. She'd cum so much already that she just whispered, "it's your turn baby" and that was it for me and a moment later as she held me tightly I let loose with what felt like a pint of cum.
After we caught our breath and washed up, we talked some more but we will save our further discussions for another day.
*******
What came out was something that I'd sort of known or guessed but when I heard it from her it hit me that this may be more than I'd wanted.
She says it is nothing and it is something she had told me about long ago. After her divorce before me she saw a shrink for a while. One thing she said she learned about herself was that she could say, "I love you" and have it be only for that moment or for that feeling and she said it to me very early on during sex. She reminded me of this many times, how she'd said that to me possibly the first time we had sex together and how that made me feel so close to her as we fucked.
It felt so different now when she told me she'd scream that out to Peter as they fucked. I told her I felt it was different, that she was working that out with her shrink as she was dating guys and stuff. I told her that saying she loved him just felt too much to me even if it was only about their sex together.
She really didn't want to hear any of it and she sort of said at one point that she could no more easily stop saying that than I could stop snoring at night!
I asked her if Peter said it back to her. She said she didn't think so but that she couldn't really say it one way or another.
I asked her honestly if she'd ever said it to him outside this peak of passion between them and that was the other moment that hurt me. She didn't deny it right away and I knew that meant ‘yes’. She said it wasn't like that and that it was still about the moment. I asked her if it was the moment or the man. She was very firm that it was just the moment and that's all. Over and over she said that.
I told her that this, on top of the intimacy level between them was just about too much. That was when she said, "what do you expect; we’re fucking each other, aren't we?" She said that it's been a few months now and she said she does have feelings for him. Not in any way that she'd leave me or is even thinking about such a thing but that she does feel strongly about Peter and not that she loves him but, as she said several times, "he is far more than a friend".
She then started to tell me more of what they talk about when they're not fucking. She said that she's talked with him about all sorts of problems he's having with his kids and his wife's way of taking care of them. They've talked about his problems at work and what she thinks he should do in certain situations. She told me that she's shared some stuff with him about our lives and asked his opinions and such. I guess I was beginning to see more sides of their now, apparently, relationship that has come up.
We went on and on and she remains fairly adamant that this is not love between them, just intense friendship and that she always puts his family life above her desires. I told her that I felt like she'd shared so much of what used to just be ours together and that it happened not just so quickly but more that it happened so easily for her to let him have those parts of her.
I told her how I felt about the whole diaphragm thing, the naked thing, the showering together thing, the kissing and hickeys thing and yes, the denial thing. And I told her how some of this stuff some of the time might be exciting but giving it all to him every time feels like it's too much.
She listened very intently and once again told me that she just felt really good with him and that she wasn't ready to change that just yet and how she didn't want to. She held me and said I didn't have anything to worry about and she told me that Peter may get her body but that he would never have her heart as that was mine.
I was speechless at that. I asked her what she was going to do and all she turned it on me and asked instead, what did I want her to do? She said she'd do anything that I wanted if I told her what it was I wanted.
I thought for a second or two (or was that a minute or two?) it was long enough that she asked "well?" a second time.
I finally just said that I wanted her to be careful with ‘us’. I was going to say more but before I could think of how I wanted to say it, she leaned onto me and started kissing me and telling me over and over how she loved me and stuff like that.
There was some other stuff but that was most of it. We had some other talking today and we seemed to reach a happy place as we found time for a ‘quickie’ this afternoon and, despite no teasing or mention of Peter or stuff like that, we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves very much.
She went to bed a bit early and here I sit thinking of this whole situation and I’m not sure what to make of it. I do believe her when she says she loves me and wouldn't ever hurt us but I also believe that she's already given a part of herself to Peter that cannot come back. That this part with Peter is sexual is very much a turn on for me; that he shares her body as easily as I do; that she screams with him as she does with me, that's all still a turn-on but thinking of her clutching his back as she does mine and thinking of her screaming how she loves him, the feeling those thoughts give me are just so strange and different.
I will encourage her to seek out another partner but I need to be sure I make her understand that it's not that I want her slutting herself out all over the place but rather than I want her to have more experience so that she can know better what she wants and how far she wants it to go. I'm just not sure when I'll ask her as I also don't want her to think I'm somehow jealous about Peter as I wouldn't want to drive anything they're doing underground to keep it away from my knowledge.
*******
I think what I'm realizing is that I am a cuckold and that I want to be one. By that I mean that I do want her to fuck Peter and I do want her to enjoy it and, to a degree, that it enhances sex between us and my overall level of arousal and that she flaunt and tease me about that and, to a degree, also deny me. I don't want anything beyond this, at least not at this point, as I think I'd have a problem with chastity as I did enjoy masturbating for/with her last Wednesday and I do enjoy it at other times.
I don't see her wanting to control me that way either. I know that if she were to come home on a Thursday and tell me she was too tired or whatever to have sex with me, that I could accept it voluntarily so I'm not sure why she'd want to prevent me from any self-pleasure at other times. If she asked me to I'd masturbate anywhere for her I guess. That's really nothing new as she's long liked to watch me since we first got together and I think she always liked that I wasn't so self-conscious as to mind.
It's the sharing of herself like she does that gets to me. I know I am the furthest thing from her mind when she's with Peter and that’s as I think it should be but since she's told me how she is when she’s with him, it just gets to me in an uncomfortable way. I guess, I'll just have to get used to it seems.
The thing about it is that when she tells me that stuff as part of foreplay or sexual-sharing between us (even when I'm alone masturbating to some fantasy or something) the images and ideas that I get about them together are actually incredibly exciting to me. I mean there's a part of me that would like to see them in the shower together with him behind her soaping her breasts. Even now sitting here thinking about her just being naked with him when they're together is just something that simple that turns me on. The physical side of all of this is such a turn on for me; her spreading her legs and letting him put her diaphragm in, that part, it seems, does turn me on, knowing she's opening herself and he's inside her readying her for him, that part is actually quite arousing. It's the emotional side that I'm having problems dealing with, I guess.
I can say that on Tuesday nights when, hopefully, Sue and I have sex, that I am acutely aware that she will say ‘no’ to sex on Wednesday night with me and I must admit that it is powerfully arousing to hear her say it and to know clearly now that she would prefer to wait for Peter.
******
Sue told me she would be happy with my masturbating as a way of alleviating my desires for her. This is sort of what we did last week when I masturbated on Wednesday when she preferred for herself to wait for Peter on Thursday.
I think, if anything, that if she genuinely begins to prefer Peter at other times, in effect increasing her denial of me, I would think that she would be even more encouraging of my masturbating. Possibly the only application I can see would be her wanting to prevent me from such masturbation so that I would want her more on the nights when she is available to me but in that case all she needs to do is just say that's what she wants!
I don't see a physical need for chastity and I wouldn't simply go along with it just because it's what she wants. I have not ceded that level of control to her. I don't see this as something Sue would want as I don't see what she would get out of it other than, apparently, some sort of satisfaction out of controlling that aspect of my own sexuality.
I have never found the subject of chastity to be arousing in itself. However, none of this is to say that if she did want to try it, that I would resist anymore that I just don't see her embracing it as a concept for us.
I have actually suggested, a while back now so she may have forgotten, that she TELL me to masturbate, possibly even several times, before she goes out as a way of curbing my desire for her when she returns. That would be as close to ****** chastity that I can see her doing and I would associate it more with aspects of short-term denial than chastity.
*******
I won't dwell too much on last night suffice to say that Sue asked me if I wanted some ‘alone time’ (meaning she'd leave me alone with the computer in the office if I wanted to masturbate) or she asked if I ‘wanted her company’ which I understood her to mean if I wanted to masturbate with her or, rather, in-front of her. I told her that it didn't much matter as I knew we weren't having sex and she said that she ‘always likes to watch’ and she offered again to tease or encourage me if I wanted. I had thought about maybe finding a good video on the 'Net (she's not into computer video porn) and having some fun alone but I reconsidered figuring I'll have plenty of alone time next week so I said okay to her offer.
Sparing all the details , she did lie next to me naked and as I got closer she spread her legs and teased me how Peter was going to be the next to cum in her. She kept going on about that and just a few minutes later I started to get close. I hoped she'd lean over again but last night she said she wanted to watch. I've always loved her to watch me so I let it fly all over my stomach and chest. She played with it with her fingers and at one point, put them in my mouth which I think turned her on. A little bit later she got me a warm washcloth and cleaned me up.
This morning was her regular Thursday routine and she was all happy and giddy. She left a little earlier with a spare bag with her that I saw contained her diaphragm, some lingerie and I thought I saw one of her vibrators in there too. She let me know too that she would probably be home later again as this is their last time together for a few weeks.
******
It's 7pm and the kids are eating downstairs in front of the TV. Meanwhile, I'm pacing eagerly waiting for her to get home. It's such an intense feeling to think of what she and Peter are doing right now. I don't expect her till between 8 and 8:30pm so I have another hour or so.
The kids are used to it that every Thursday mom has a late meeting, they don't think it’s anything odd.
It's this part of her and Peter, this and then later tonight, that I would have to say that are the most arousing to me; mentally now and physically later.
******
The thoughts of them writhing together on the bed or wherever are enough to torment me for hours or so it seems but then, as with last night, seeing her come in with that unmistakeable look on her face, the feelings are just so intense, jealousy; anxiety; love; admiration and even a bit of rage!
Last night was quite comical. As Sue puttered around the kitchen when she came in before going upstairs our daughter was talking to us. At one point Sue was at the kitchen sink and our daughter said, “uh oh mom, looks like you sat in something”!
At that moment I looked over and could see a wet-spot on the back of her skirt! I immediately knew what it was and Sue just said, "oh, I must have leaned against something that was wet" and with that she went up to the bedroom to get changed.
******
Book full, need to open another.
*******
I also just got a call from her asking if she can have some time with Peter tomorrow evening but she promised she'd be home early enough for us to have dinner together.
When I said okay she then added/asked if I can postpone any plans I may have had for her sexually tonight to tomorrow night. I took a huge swallow as I heard her ask that and all I could say was, "okay".
I know there's a lot of risks here but I have to say that there is a part of me that wants to see this go further so all I am doing is being supportive and encouraging her to do what she wants. The idea that she's doing this on a sort of regular basis now is just incredibly arousing to me. I know that there might be more could be going on that she hasn’t admitted to although I just don't see how given there's just not enough time. I know the dangerous path we're on but I want to see her experience what she wants to without my saying no or controlling her. I'm sure this will run its path in time but for now I want to enjoy the journey.
I have not told her that in my fantasy-mind that I would like this to go further but as she learns more of what she wants to experience, I will support her along the way. She has asked if I'm okay with all of this and I've always said yes. I have not yet admitted that I actually enjoy the denial, just that I'm okay with it, but mentally the idea of her preferring him in some way using the whole ‘diaphragm-being-in-too-long’ thing or if it's her inferring that she wants to be "clean" for Peter, either way, it's a turn-on. I told her to be sure to save some energy for me tomorrow night and she gave me that same giggle and said, "of course silly".
******
I chickened out last night in asking her about what she was thinking or asking other questions. Instead we just cuddled and I avoided spooning with her to prevent her from having my hard-on pressed up against her butt. I won't say I slept well as it took me forever to fall asleep as I tried to think about other things and not to masturbate.
She noticed me watching her more closely this morning as she showered and dressed. She didn't say anything but had a big smile on her face at how I seemed to be absorbed in staring at her. All I could think about was that she'd be doing this same thing of getting cleaned up and dressed in front of Peter later. I wondered what he'd think of her light-blue panties and lacy bra.
I went back up to the bathroom while she got her coffee ready for the drive to work and checked that her diaphragm was with her and it was. I went back downstairs to say goodbye and give her a kiss. I mentioned that she was getting in earlier and as I said that I realized what her answer was going to be, "so I can leave a little earlier, remember?"
I just asked what time she was leaving work and not realizing just how early she was leaving . She said she wants to be out of there by 2:30pm or 3pm at the latest to give them almost 4 hours together later!
I hadn't expected that - not that I'm concerned (at least not just yet) - but that's a lot more time and a lot more sex than I'd realized. Now, sitting here at work I am so fucking horned up about this! No wonder they go for seconds.
She'd better be awake later tonight!
******
She was so tender and hot and wet last night. She told me they'd spent the entire time in the motel room. She told me what motel, it's like a mom and pop motel for like $49 a night, so I guess Suzanna's worth $50 to Peter for a few hours of fun.
She didn't share all the details with me, at least not just yet. I'm sure I'll hear more of them later tonight as even now we're both quite horny still. She did share that Peter went down on her a lot yesterday afternoon. She doesn't always like that, feeling it's almost too much for her even with me but she said she let Peter do it because he'd been asking her for the past few times that he'd love to lick her more before she puts in her diaphragm.
I can only imagine it as she told it to me but seeing her in my mind with her legs pulled back and Peter's tongue in her, I'm about ready to pop again right now.
The only details she shared with me other than the sex being great was that she spent most of the afternoon naked with him too. She said she felt very comfortable with him, not like the comfort she feels with me but very comfortable and that, in the sexy scene of it all, she felt very relaxed to just be herself and let him see all of her. I’m guessing she was mentally comparing it to the quickies in the car or whatever where she's just naked maybe waist down. All I can think about is her cavorting with him naked as can be. She said she felt very comfortable with him and after her diaphragm was in she said she felt so sexy just being ‘available’ for him whenever he wanted to put his cock back in her.
I nearly died when she said she didn't even feel the need to run and clean-up afterwards. I say I nearly died at that comment because I know it confirmed that she's comfortable with him sexually. It's really only in the past 10 years or so that she's finally comfortable lying there like that after WE've had sex so I'm not surprised that she's okay with it with him, but that she's okay with him seeing her like that relatively so soon.
I didn't ask but surely that means they've probably showered together and cleaned-up together already. I'm just realizing some of this now and, wow, it's like a revelation to see that she's really okay and is doing this because she wants it! The idea of them showering together, him washing her body; her doing his, I can't explain how it's making me feel now as this my first realization that she’s reached this point.
I need to go now before I get carried away but hopefully tonight, we'll have more time and we can talk about a lot more. I think she senses that I'm very excited by the things she's doing with Peter and I think that's a good thing for right now. Damn, I could fuck her again right now especially after clicking over to that mental picture I have of her! To think that's how she must look with Peter. Wow, that's so intense to think about.
******
Suzanna and I talked a lot this weekend and a lot of things came out. I told her that I’m beginning to feel a bit awkward about how close and comfortable together that she and Peter seems to be now.
I had always put the physical sex and the emotions during that on one side but the realization that they've showered together and washed each other seems to have brought out some new emotions and feeling in me. Our conversations over the weekend revealed that she's totally opened up to him in ways that both concern me but are, at the same time, absolutely a turn-on.
I don't think I revealed the extent of my arousal to her - but I did express some concerns over her seeming to be very open with him. My concerns became enough for me to bring it up with her after - not only did she say she spends most of her time with him with her naked. That alone said a lot to me in that she's usually a bit reserved but that she feels totally comfortable letting him see all of her - she said she actually, in some ways, can't wait to get undressed with him. But I really came unglued when she told me very plainly that she not only showed him how to insert her diaphragm - that she actually let him do it!!!! I swear I felt such a mix of emotions at that moment - I remember how I felt long ago when she showed me that too. To now think that she's that comfortable with him has me feeling almost dizzy from so much to think about.
I guess the fact that I am deriving some enjoyment and arousal out of this confirms my acceptance of being a cuckold. I just wouldn't have guessed that it would quite be so mentally/emotionally intense at times.
*******
I haven't really told Suzanna about my discomfort and angst. I mean, I've shared with her how I feel but I haven't said that she's hurting me or anything like that because I’m not sure that she is. I have not expressed any great discomfort about anything. Indeed, I've conveyed that I'm okay with what she's doing.
The angst and discomfort I'm experiencing is just in my head, at the reality of what I've started in her but, right now, I have to say honestly, that I don't think I want to change anything. I know it may sound crazy but I kind of want to see what happens here. I don't think she's going to run off with Peter, I just don't see that.
Coincidentally, just last night I told her that I wasn't happy with her doing the late-from-work thing on Fridays. For me it puts the start of the weekend off to a weird start. She smiled back at me and said that was good that I'd said that because she wanted to have some time with Peter this afternoon, Thursday!
She said that at 10pm last night and I although I had no intention on having sex with her last night, the moment she said that, I suddenly became so incredibly horny for her. I also knew that I would have to wait and I have to say that last night, for maybe the first time, I actually think I felt good about it and I let myself relax about the anxiety I would usually put myself through it at having to wait for her.
We talked a bit more and I asked her if she was going to leave work early or something like that today but she said that she, "just wanted a quickie" and then told me she's expecting her period any day now so this could be the last time for a while. I'm looking outside and I see that the weather will be nice for them for a change.
I know it may sound crazy but in the back of my mind, I've been wanting her to do this for so long that now that it's really happening, I guess I'm getting acclimatized to how things are going.
She does share everything with me, during foreplay and passionate sex in the days after she's been with Peter and I think that she's told me everything that they do. Some has made me cringe at just how familiar he is now with Suzanna's body and how comfortable they are having sex together. I cannot describe the feelings I have when she tells me that. Part angst and discomfort is the overwhelming emotion but, my god, that is so far outweighed by the desire I have for her and the excitement I get from hearing her and feeling her body that's had pleasures from him and with him.
I honestly don't think I want her to change anything. It's really amazing to see someone you love so dearly being able to let herself go and know she's enjoying herself. I imagine it's the same way she may feel about me when I may go off skiing or golfing for a day, her knowing I'm enjoying myself.
The idea that she's having such passionate sex with him; the knowledge that when I look down at her when we're in bed or that we're about to have sex and to know she's eagerly let another man have her and that his cock has been inside her and that his sperm has been left inside her numerous times, it just turns me on incredibly.
I should add that Suzanna has complimented me and commented on the level of passion she feels with me while we're having sex. I have also told her that I feel she orgasms more freely and even maybe more fully since she's been seeing Peter. She hasn't clearly said this to me, but she has said that she does do things with him that she doesn't do with me. Not so much positions or actions but that she allows herself to be just totally physical with him. I asked her if not being in love with him lets her focus more on herself and her own pleasure. She wasn't sure about that but she did say that she didn't feel the need/desire that she does with me to try to cum together as we often do. She said that many times she'll orgasm first and will then, as she puts it, enjoy watching and feeling him cum.
*******
Last night she got home about 6:45pm and we all had dinner together. I managed to get her upstairs in the bedroom for a few minutes and she let me put my hand down the front of her pants and feel her wet pussy as we kissed but she made me wait till we got our daughter to bed about 9:15 before we shut ourselves in our bedroom.
I do so wish she'd get an IUD or go on the pill or, if it's a safe time, just do it with Peter without her diaphragm for I would just love to taste her! Using the diaphragm and that spermicide cream just tastes so nasty.
Despite having those thoughts she knew I wasn't going to last long. I knew she probably wouldn't cum with me but I did be sure to make her feel as good as possible and I think she may have had a little orgasm as I let loose in her.
I don't think I will ever tire of how she feels after she's come home from being with Peter. I won't say her pussy is normally really tight or anything like that (and even when we'd pretend with her dildos that she's fucking another guy) nothing ever feels like it does when she's been with him. There's such slickness and not so much openness as just her pussy feeling so compliant.
I'm trying not to get too riled up because we're almost ready to say goodnight to our daughter soon and I want her again tonight and she reminded me about her period soon so I want to be sure to get tonight in if nothing else. Another positive was admitted when she did say she thought that sex seems to be helping her cope with her PMS!
We haven't talked about anything else yet but I hope to this weekend. Maybe I'll have the guts to tell her that I'm truly enjoying what she's doing; maybe over a bottle of wine and a picnic lunch in a park this weekend.
*******
We've been talking about a lot of stuff since she's got her period. Surprisingly, she's in a good mood so it's been sort of easier to talk. She's brought things up a lot, which is good, and usually I've been the one to start things.
Where to start though?. Well, over this past weekend she plainly asked me at one point something like, "Does it turn you on to think about me having sex with Peter?”
I said to her plainly, "Yes, it does".
She then asked me to tell her about what I'm feeling when she's with him and that led to a lot of different stuff being brought out. I told her I was okay with them having sex; I told her that I knew she'd been with other guys including her ex-husband and I was honest and told her that it had always turned me on that she'd fucked so many (relatively speaking, 8 before we were married and 3 since, including me) guys in the past. She was on the pill long ago before we deliberately had kids and I told her that also turned me on, that all these other guys got to cum inside her. (She knew this but seemed to like hearing it in this context).
Then I told her that now I was feeling a bit uncomfortable about their intimacy. I told her how her showering with Peter and her letting him put her diaphragm in, among other things, made me feel awkward. She didn't totally understand at least not at first.
I asked her how she felt at those times and she was very open and honest. She started by saying she loved me more than anything or anyone but that when she was with Peter she felt different and that she wanted to be there for him. I didn't understand and she hemmed and hawed around until she finally said that unless we (me and her) go away on vacation or maybe we deliberately arrange for a sexy evening at home by keeping the kids occupied or sending them elsewhere for a sleepover that’s the time when she can really feel she can let herself go sexually; other times, she just can't escape the feeling of being just a mom/wife.
I was kind of not surprised by that as I've known for a long time that she's like this as I suspect most soccer-mom types are (even though our kids aren't in sports) but you know what I mean. I've known that if I can get her away for a weekend alone that she'd do anything and everything including going out with no bra/panties and letting other guys check her out. On those occasions but it never went past there with anyone else but there was the time when we were in a hotel one night without the kids and during foreplay I put a ‘plug’ in her pussy (a latex one with a flared base, narrow neck and then large pointed bulb top) and made her go out with me with it in her and no panties on. She loved it.
Anyway, she says that when she's with Peter that because she has no emotional attachment to him (and she did emphasize that over and over) that she can just be sexual with him without caring. She sort of confessed to feeling like she wants to get it out of her system, that's the urge she says she feels with him. In time she also said that this is sort of what she's feeling behind her saying that she likes being naked with him. She said she likes him looking at her sexually, that she feels good about that when he looks at her and she can see that he wants her or something to that effect. I suspect what she’s trying to say is that when she’s with him that she feels she can shed her ‘mom’ image and let herself be a slut with him.
Now all this didn't come out all at once; I'm putting together what's probably been spread over 3-4 days and 5 or more hours of different talks.
At home, she's never liked me looking at her that way; she says she doesn't like me looking at her as a sex object but, it seems, somehow that she does like it with Peter. I just don't get it but she said that's the difference; she loves me and she cares about me and how I see and feel about her. She insisted that she does NOT love Peter but at the same time she does love how he looks at her. She even said that she will lie in bed with him, with her legs spread knowing he's looking at her pussy. I know she hates it when I do that to her, stare at her pussy, especially after we've had sex but she feels like she wants Peter to stare at her even more after they're done! I just don’t get it!
I have to say when we had that conversation, we got pulled away by something and she knows I am still very disoriented by what she said. I just can't believe that she's saying she's almost this Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing, that she can be like that with Peter and actually want it but that she's not comfortable with me like that.
But, on the other hand, outside that moment I have to say that in addition to this confusion I have in trying to understand her, I have to say that when I think about it, it is very arousing to me. That she can share this slutty side of her with another guy like she is. I guess I should have added that when we're out as I described, away from the kids, she is the same with me (it may take a day or so to get her there though instead of it apparently being an automatic thing with Peter) but by the end of a weekend without the kids she is as brazenly openly sexual with me as she is with Peter.
So, I sort of get it.
I asked her if she enjoyed sex with Peter and what she enjoys most about it. She said that she always felt passion with him, that there was always a desire between them both for more. She said that her intimacy with him of showering or getting cleaned up before hand and the whole diaphragm routine made her feel close to him and more easily able to just get to it. I think she picked up on that I get a bit of arousal out of this so she told me how she felt very special with Peter preparing her diaphragm.
I swear I was rock hard hearing her describe all this and just cannot get the image out of my mind of her spreading her legs and letting him put it in her even before they start to get going. She says the fact that there is no doubt that they are getting together for sex makes it easier for her.
I did open up to her a bit about the cuckold-side of things after she asked me how I truly felt the nights before she sees Peter. She asked if it really bothered me that she asked me to wait.
Now, I don't think she knows what a cuckold is as I've never used that term with her and she's never used it with me. She asked at a good moment over the weekend (not when we were discussing all the stuff above that gave me concern) and I just answered her simply that it did turn me on when she said to me that she did want Peter more than me. I told her that it turned me on that she wanted her body to be clean for him and that she knows that I have always wanted sloppy seconds for ages. I told her I accepted that as that’s my desire that it meant her saying no to me.
We've read plenty of Penthouse Letters so she knows that guys get turned on by this and she asked me if I was okay, no, not just OK but whether I was enjoying what she was doing with Peter and not about our sex together afterwards. That was the million dollar question; she asked if I enjoyed her sexual activity with Peter.
I just nodded my head yes.
She smiled at that and said she was glad because she wanted to be really sure I was good with it. I told her that as long as she came home to me at night and that our marriage and life together was strong, that I did enjoy knowing she was having sex with Peter. We talked about a few other things and that was when I finally ask her if I could watch them one day.
She wasn't surprised at my request at all. As a matter of fact, she was surprised that I hadn't already asked as she knew I did want to watch. She said she'd asked Peter and he said he was okay with the idea but hoped he'd be able to ‘perform’. She said that now that she knew I did, that she'd discuss it with Peter and see what we could all work out.
******
I wouldn't say she's necessarily dressing any differently but she does seem to be more aware of her sexuality. She seems to be more aware of how much cleavage she's showing and when to show it and how things look on her. I guess, maybe she's tending towards clothes that do make her look better but that's about all. It's not like she's suddenly running around without a bra or panties.
I do know that she will dress a bit nicer when she is seeing Peter. Instead of the plain granny-panties she will wear some nicer undies such as lacy panties and definitely nicer bras. The last time she took a small carry bag with her and I know she put that tiger-print camisole in there along with her perfume, makeup, etc. That part I find very arousing and I also told her so, that seeing her making ‘preparations’ in the morning, knowing where she'll be later that evening is a turn-on.
It's been an interesting week so far and I feel good about almost everything. Whether I feel good about us, I'm not 100% on everything yet. However, I have to say, we haven't felt as close as this in a long time.
*******
She’s already left for work so she can leave early this afternoon for her weekly fun with Peter. Since she got through with her period she's been very horny but last night she said, "Sorry baby, but can you wait till tomorrow night, you know how I like to be for Peter tomorrow".
It seems she's become comfortable with our situation to the point now after all our talking last week where she now feels comfortable just telling me like it is.
So, here I am, after seeing the empty bathroom drawer again this morning.
I have to say, last night was actually kind of different now that she's more open and comfortable with it. It was very sexy watching her get changed for bed with both of us knowing that I'd be waiting till tonight for my fun.
******
She keeps her diaphragm in that drawer in the bathroom and I check there in the mornings after she leaves for work. It is incredibly arousing to look and see the empty spot and know what it means.
I would actually say that since we talked and talked last week that since it is now more out in the open that it's her desire to have me wait. I feel incredibly turned on and aroused by that and I'm more comfortable sharing that excitement and arousal with her. Damned if my cock isn't on the edge of bursting just thinking of having her later tonight.
******
Last night was really enjoyable for us together before bed. I had a huge hard-on as I watched her getting changed. She asked me if I wanted to masturbate but I just told her that I wanted that anxiety to last till today/tonight. She thought that was sweet and even mentioned that if I wanted to jerk-off that she would be okay even if it meant I might not have wanted her or wanted her as much tonight.
I asked her what she meant by that and she just said, "tonight after I come home it’s more for you than me”.
Hearing her say that also turned me on. What's so cool now is that it's just easier for us to say and do this stuff now.
******
She came home about 6:45pm and we went upstairs right away and she asked me if I wanted to undress her before dinner was ready.
I swear my hands were shaking as I unbuttoned her top and saw hickies and suck marks all over her breasts but that was nothing to when I unzipped her skirt and slid it and her slip down and caught the pungent smell of sex.
I got to see where the crotch of her light blue panties was darkened from being wet. She didn't let me take them off her but instead she moved back and slid them down herself and stepped out of them. I went to grab her and throw her onto the bed but she pushed me back and said, "you'll just have to wait a bit longer, besides, it's a bit tired out right now" pointing to her pussy.
I sat stunned on the bed as she went into the bathroom and got a warm washcloth to wipe herself. I was just stuck admiring her as she pranced back in front of me to go to her dresser where she found a pair of granny-panties and some sweats.
I was just so turned on by all of that I just sat there motionless until she gave me a kiss and said, "What’s for dinner, I'm starving".
We had a nice family meal but I had to wait until the kids were off to bed before I knew if she was going to be just for me or not and for my turn in her pussy. She kept up the teasing by saying things like, "it'll be your turn soon" and stuff like that.
******
It took me a bit to figure out what she meant by cap and coil but I figured it out. We did talk about that last week too. She said she's going to make an appointment with her doctor and see what her options are. She doesn't want anything with hormones but I told her that there are IUD's without them. I told her we could be more spontaneous and she said back, "yes, I could be" and I just let it go but I wonder how she'll be if she does do it. I might regret that.
I've been thinking about whether she's talking to me and doing other stuff more openly now because she knows I like it as opposed to her doing it because she likes it. I think that's part of what I see in her. She's enjoying the sex with Peter but what and how she does with me seems to be more based on what I want her to do instead of what she wants.
Despite the rainy weather, she's out shopping so I had time to update. While I cannot say for sure she really wanted to have sex with me on Thursday night, there was no doubt about last night that is for sure. She again teased me with things from the previous afternoon including asking me if I wanted to put her diaphragm in like Peter had done for her. Damn if I didn't nearly cum as she said that. I know she saw how I looked and how turned on I was as I took the honour of preparing her for intercourse. From smearing the cream around to spreading her pussy open and then inserting my fingers in to be sure it's in place; knowing she lay there the night before and Peter had done the same was just incredible for me.
She was almost insatiable even being aggressive and climbing on top and grinding herself into me. Telling me at times that this was how she'd been with Peter too. It was incredible, she was so wet she teased me how it was still Peter's cum in her and that really set me off and that in turn brought her off one last time. As we both came down she felt so close to me hugging me and holding me that it erased any misgivings I'd ever had.
*******
Yesterday afternoon while the kids were elsewhere, we had a chance to talk. We were still buzzing from Saturday night and kissing each other when she asked again if I was enjoying everything. It was a close moment and I just told her that I was enjoying it a lot. She asked if she was too over-the-top or anything like that and I just said that it was incredible for me and that I loved her sharing her thoughts with me and that I thought what she was doing with Peter had really brought out some intensity between us that I hadn't felt quite so often in the past. She agreed and said she felt naughty telling me about what she was doing but that if I enjoyed it, that she ‘guessed’ it must be okay.
As we talked, she asked me that if I liked what she was doing, she asked if she should be doing more or perhaps less. She said that she wanted to make this as good for me as it is for her. Hearing her say that made me feel really good about us. So I told her that I wasn't sure totally but said that there was more she could do with me if she wanted to. The kids came back then so we didn't talk about much more then but last night she asked me more about what I was thinking.
I wasn't sure what I wanted to tell her as I’m not sure I'm ready to suggest things she isn't necessarily wanting herself so I just played it safe and told her that when we're in bed and stuff, that she can tell me more about them together and that I thought it'd turn me on to hear her tell it to me.
She smiled at that answer and I thought we were going to fuck but instead she asked me if I'd like a bj instead. I smiled as she's not often offering that and she said she was going to play with a toy while she took care of me. She put her little vibrating-egg in her pussy and it was quite nice to watch her masturbate as she brought me off orally, I even believe we may have cum together, or pretty close.
This morning as we dressed, there was this shared sense of seeing a bit more of each other that seemed really nice and, yes, her diaphragm is still in the drawer.
******
She left early again this morning, before 7:30am today. She said several times to me she was trying to get in early so she and Peter can have more time this evening and she said thank-you again to me for not pestering her for sex last night. I actually didn't bring it up at all but this morning as she waltzed naked around after her shower she made a point of telling me how she likes to be naked with Peter too. She'd told me this many times but seeing her standing at the sink in the bathroom and then looking over what she wanted to wear today at her dresser her comment did give me a very jealous feeling that this is what Peter will be seeing later today.
The more we go on with this, the more I'm actually realizing that it's not so much the actual sex that gets to me, but, like I said, it's the intimacy she's sharing with him that had previously been mine that is getting to me the most and getting me so turned on. It's interesting because it's not what I expected. Of course the sex part is incredible too, knowing my sweetheart is sharing herself with Peter and then me afterwards, but seeing her in the buff like she was this morning sort of got to me. I didn't say anything other than I hoped she enjoys herself and that I'll be waiting to have dinner with her tonight.
I don't know if it was intentional but after she'd gone downstairs I was brushing my teeth at the sink and she came back, reached in front of me and took out the diaphragm and the cream from the drawer saying, "... can't forget this." I swear my cock got hard as she left the bathroom and I think she knew it when I gave her a kiss goodbye at the front-door.
******
Suzanna's in great shape as she exercises regularly and does kegels and pelvic exercises as part of her normal regime. Her control of the muscles in her groin is impressive and she knows how to use that to best effect. She’s already told me that Peter's not much bigger than me (longer perhaps but not thicker). She'll tighten up on me at times, but tonight, she knows I like how she feels all loose inside and I even think she may try to relax her muscles down there for me at times since she knows I enjoy that sensation at times.
She doesn't have anything that fits the ‘for Peter-only’ category just yet and it might be difficult to explain to the kids why mommy has two lingerie drawers. Still, in a way, I think I'd like her to maybe do something like that in time if this continues working for us. Maybe not so much a separate drawer but I could accept and be okay if she had some stuff that she preferred to wear for him only. To see lingerie in her drawer knowing it was ‘for him’ and only being able to imagine her wearing them could be something that would be arousing. I'm not sure we're at that point yet either in her desire or my comfort level.
On the outside I look and sound calm but really my insides are tied in knots and, to make matters worse, my cock is stiff and throbbing.
*******
She's probably with Peter by now and I have such mixed feelings thinking about it. My cock is rock hard thinking of her with him, picturing her on her back with legs up in the air and her moans and screams filling the air; what delicious vision. Yet at the same time I am concerned at the intimacy she is sharing with Peter. Even if she doesn't really want nor need sex with me later I really do need it with her tonight; I need to feel her body; need to feel her closeness and, I hope, she will continue to tease me with more details of them together.
I haven't asked her again about watching them. To be honest, I don't know if I'm ready for that just yet myself. I know I do want to watch her/them eventually but until I can get over my discomfort at their intimacy, I'm not sure I'll be okay seeing them. In my mind I KNOW how she is with him but I don't know that I'm actually ready to watch them in person. I hope to get there one day and maybe then invite him to our house to make things easier.
I've told her that I would like her to turn up the volume on the teasing stuff outside of when we're having sex together and I am thinking that this morning's episode in the bathroom may be her doing just that. She must have known how that would make me feel and that's what I want, for her to want to do that on her own and for herself instead of her doing it because she knows it's a turn-on for me.
It’s two and a half more hours or so before she's home. I do hope she lets me undress her again. It was incredible when she let me do that last week.
*******
I'm not sure where to begin. She teased me from the moment she came home. She didn't go upstairs and change when she came home. Instead she just hung in the kitchen with me and the kids as we got dinner ready. It was such a turn on knowing she's sitting there casually talking to us all the while she's got Peter's sperm in her and probably soaking into her panties.
When she did go up after dinner to change I followed her but as she turned into the bedroom she said, "Nope, you have to wait till later" and with that she closed the door on me! Damn if my cock didn't almost burst at that moment.
I hung around the landing until she emerged 15 minutes later in her sweats. She smiled and then kissed me passionately before going back down to the kids without saying a word. I looked in the hamper in the bathroom but her panties weren't there.
It wasn't until our son went off to bed just after 10pm that she joined me in the bedroom and for me to finally have her to myself. She teased me more by saying how, "tired she was" and how she didn't have much energy for me but then she added, "but you can have me, I know you need to”.
She stood there and finally let me undress her. She still had the same panties on and they were pretty much ‘stuck’ to her where they'd dried a bit. She continued her teasing by saying stuff like "sorry it's so messy” which she knew drove me crazy.
By 11pm or so my cock was so drained that it almost hurt, that's how much I wanted and needed her by then. Despite her claiming to being tired or whatever her legs were definitely and willingly up in the air as she let me have my turn.
******
I would say she is becoming very accepting of teasing me and seems to be enjoying it herself too.
She had on a long skirt last night and several times when the kids weren't nearby she lifted the front of her skirt and flashed me her wet panties! The sight made me want to drag her upstairs and she knew it. Between doing that and her making little comments she was driving me crazy. She'd whisper to me how she felt ‘used’ and teased me several times at how her pussy was ‘just for me’ when we'd have sex later.
Seeing her undress in front of me and seeing her peel her panties down just blew me away. I think I wanted her more last night than ever before.
As we lay in bed getting started she told me without much fuss or emotion how Peter had made her feel so wonderful earlier. Again she emphasized how she loved to be naked with him. I just didn't know who she was when she told me how she liked to see him looking at her pussy. It's so hard for me to imagine her just lying there on the bed spread for him.
She told me how she masturbated in front of him; how SHE wanted to do that not that he'd asked for her to do it.
I think she's seeing that hearing about their intimacy and close comfort is what is getting me so worked up. She told me how she lay back and how by now Peter knows just what to do to put her diaphragm in. She surely must have seen my cock throbbing and dripping pre-cum as she told me that and more.
She didn't suck me at all but instead, she lay back and told me to have her like Peter did and that was when she apologized for being so messy.
I didn't think I'd last until finally the time was right for my turn. She was still very wet inside and my god, that just turned me on incredibly when she pulled her knees back and told me that was how Peter liked her. I think she deliberately told me that because she knows it is also my favourite position! I don't think I lasted more than 5 minutes once I was in her but I think she had at least one good orgasm with me.
******
I'm still thinking that she's doing this for me more than she's doing it for herself, at least the teasing part, that is. I think either she's letting her emotions with me get in the way or that she's just not into that part of it.
When we first started talking about all of this - her with another guy - she was never into anything of where she'd be putting him ahead of me and she never expressed much of that at all. It's not like I don't make her cum a lot when we fuck so I do think she's doing a lot of this just for me.
I think she knows it does turn me on so she's doing it because of that. I'd also say that's why she's not doing anything to hurt me. I actually think the whole ‘Wednesday Denial’ thing is a bit much for her to do but this week I sensed that she seemed more into that. That's also why I'm very reluctant to push things further like her doing other things or me getting to watch her. I still don't get the vibe from her that this is anything more than just getting a workout or a dance in at a club with another guy in terms of how she's feeling about me.
I did tell her that I'm still not totally comfortable with how intimate she is with Peter but that part she is standing firm on. She says that when she's with him, she just wants to be with him in every way so it's a weird line we're straddling right now. I think in some ways, we both may be a bit too cautious to let it go to the next step for either of us.
All I know is that she is on fire for days after she's been with Peter and my cock actually aches today from the fucking last night for what felt like hours again. She did say to me last night that Peter really enjoys having sex with her because he doesn't have to use a condom which is what he and his wife use for birth control. She got her answer that it turned me on when she felt my cock seem to grow even larger after she said that.
******
Am I ready for more teasing and even more extended periods of her denying me? I don't know that I'm quite there just yet. If and when that day gets here, I think I will embrace it. It is so strange at how I would actually want that but I know that if SHE wanted it, that I would be fine with it.
I asked her point blank whether she enjoyed or got anything out of her teasing me and I also asked about how she felt on Wednesdays when says she wants to wait for Peter the next day.
She said that she does the teasing stuff more for me than for her. She said she can accept that it turns me on but she's not totally into her role where she puts me down as she's said repeatedly that she doesn't want to hurt me or us. I was supportive and told her that I would say if anything was too much.
She said she completely enjoys the sex with Peter and she made it clear that she does not want to change anything there even if I wanted her to. She added that for herself she herself doesn't get anything out of teasing me other than she likes giving me some pleasure that stems from her sexual enjoyment with Peter. She says that if I truly enjoy her teasing and such, that she would try to keep it up but she made it clear that it's only because I enjoy it. I suppose that's a good thing but I don't know that I see her evolving into more of a true cuckoldress.
So, there’s my dilemma. There's a part of me that would love for her to do more, including more denial before/after Peter, but if her heart isn't in it, I'm not so sure.
There is the other part, her clear desire for her Thursdays with Peter. I told her that I equally enjoy and want to share that more. So, last night she opened up.
******
I started it out by asking her whether I needed to be worried about her intimacy she shares with Peter and I made it clear that it was this stuff, more than the teasing or denial or that stuff that really was where I was having mixed feelings.
Here, she took a much stronger position; she'd already told me during foreplay that Peter loves sex with her because he doesn't need to use a condom. I told her I was okay with the sex part and I always have been, even with all the guys she was with in the past. I knew none of them had used condoms and I had long told Suzanna that part of her past always aroused me.
As I said, she took a strong position with me on this and just said clearly that she gets the same type of sex with Peter every Thursday as we have together only when we're away on vacation or without the kids. I knew what that meant; he's able to get her to go crazy whereas I can only do so under the right circumstances. I told her that I was jealous that Peter got her like that and I didn't and for the first time I think she saw that this was something she wanted and that she also was able to tell me she wanted.
Maybe that will be the opening to her doing more, I don't know.
She made it clear to me that she only considers Peter to be her lover, nothing more. She also said that she denies him nothing when they are together and she emphasized ‘nothing’. She said that is why she loves to be naked with him (and she reminded me that when I do get her away from the kids that is how she is with me too) and that he loves to look at her even as they sit and watch TV, talk or have a drink or 2. She said she feels so comfortable with him that now she feels nothing at all uncomfortable about being his altogether. She even told me that she'll pee in the bathroom with the door open or even with him standing there! She barely does that with me. not that it's anything sexual, but she says she just feels like she wants it to be totally in the open with him.
She told me that she knew I wasn't comfortable with him putting in her diaphragm. As she said that, she put her finger under my chin and tipped my head up to look at her as she simply said, "I like him to do that for me". I just couldn't say anything in response.
Before we messed around last night we sat on the bed as we started kissing and stuff and she said she'd tell me how it was with Peter if I wanted to hear. I almost asked her at that moment if I could possibly watch one day but I didn't have the nerve.
I swear the more she told me, the more incredible it all seemed. Hearing her describe how he sucked at her breasts (I told her I knew, that I could see from the hickies) to how he'd hold her close while they kissed. We were naked and caressing each other as she was saying this and I know my cock was throbbing and bouncing away as she told me this. Picturing them embracing on the bed passionately kissing gets me hard even now!
When we're home with the kids downstairs, she rarely lets me go down on her as she tends to get crazy when I do that so I bit my lip and listened as she told me how Peter would gently go down on her and how she would pull her knees back for him. She then told me that was why she showed Peter how to put her diaphragm in her so that she didn't need to do it and that Peter could do it. I felt like I was dying inside in a way as she told me how she brazenly and openly let him have her however he wanted.
She told me that sometimes she'd let him push his way into her before he put her diaphragm in. She added that she only did this late in her cycle and I know that because we do the same thing. All I could say was that I hoped she was careful.
Then she told me how he fucks her; that's how she said it too, "...how he fucks me....” How after all these weeks now, how she feels so comfortable with him that she can just let go so easily with him. She made sure to tell me that she still loves my cock and sex with me but she also made it clear that she loves sex with Peter. She didn't say much about his size other than that he's not as thick as me but I remember her saying he was longer than me which has always turned me on thinking of guys who were longer than me touching her inside where I can't and leaving their cum deeply in her.
******
Last night I masturbated for Suzanna or should I say ‘in front of Suzanna’. She encouraged me by saying she was going to be like she is with Peter, naked and letting me see ALL of her! That turned me on and she teased me more to further encourage me. She must have been in a great mood because just as I was going to cum she leaned over and finished me off orally!! Damn that was great and I was in a great mood this morning as she left her usual early on Thursdays. I didn't need to check the bathroom drawer as it's a given that the diaphragm will not be there. It's actually getting easier for me this week as I don't feel the same angst today.
I got to thinking that I do see similarities in that Suzanna seems to have separated sex from love with Peter. The difference I see is that Suzanna hasn't separated that with me and the passion we feel together and of that there is no doubt. When we have sex it is absolutely enhanced by the love we have for each other. Yes, I can accept that she may scream louder or be more brazen with Peter than she can be at home but I know that the sex we have together is deep and connective for us. When I look into her eyes as she clutches at my body as I feel her orgasm under me there is no doubt in my mind.
However, thoughts about aspects of more denial are nonetheless very arousing. I would like to experience how it would feel for her to say ‘not tonight please’ on a Thursday when she gets home. I think that moment would be profoundly arousing for me but I’m thinking more than two days of denial would be too much for me at this point.
I think if we can keep open and honest with each other and still have intense loving sex that hopefully this will all work out. I haven't seen her as happy as this in general in years and that makes me feel great. I will heed the warnings in my head and try to be aware if I see other changes between us.
*******
I was concerned that my masturbating with Suzanna on Wednesday might have taken the edge off of Thursday but it didn't, it was almost the opposite as I did let myself go with the knowledge that she preferred me to do that instead of having sex with her. By Thursday night, I was quite ready.
She did get home a bit later. The kids are now used to the routine and ask her how her conference call with overseas went and the whole time she's giving me a knowing smile.
I think I'm quite used to this now and just the knowledge that only an hour earlier she'd been having sex with Peter is now enough to drive me crazy. Sometimes I think I can taste sperm on her breath or on her lips but I expect it's my imagination. I remember noticing her bare legs and wondered where her thigh-highs had gone to.
We finally said good night to our son about 9:30pm and then we went upstairs. We think he's figured out now that when we say goodnight early like that, it's because we're going to have sex.
Maybe it’s my over-active imagination but I seemed to be very aware of all of her. I can't explain it but as she undressed, I took in every bit of skin, every nook and cranny, and it just turned me on to no end to think that Peter had her like this not 4 hours earlier. Seeing her lay back on the bed and crook her finger to call me to her, damn, even now I'm hard again.
It was like most Thursday sex (as I think of it) that she feels so incredible, a silky smoothness that is unimaginable. Knowing and feeling that Peter was in her, maybe even deeper than me, it was driving me crazy. I know she was tired but the look on her face just said to me that she wanted me to have her as deep and as much as she'd let Peter have. At least that was how it felt at that moment. Her pussy opened up and felt just incredible as we both for a change came together. Me, much more intensely than her but she too came for sure as the sweat on her forehead is a giveaway along with how her body feels.
We didn't really talk that much till afterwards when she said to me that I seemed to ‘really’ want her tonight and wanted to be sure I was okay. We did talk about stuff, but nothing terribly sexual as we lay there and watched TV. I'd hoped to hear about her time with Peter but she seemed to talk about anything but, so I let it go figuring maybe she'd just had too much sex for one night.
Her diaphragm case seems to have some symbolism for me and seeing it back in the drawer after her shower Friday morning was like a sign that her time with Peter was over for this week. As I said, I seem to have started to notice lots of things.
Last night though we did talk. Again, we didn't head up to bed till after 10pm and as she started to undress, I asked her if she'd tell me about her night with Peter. She asked me if I was sure I wanted to hear and I said yes. She smiled at that and said okay. As I undressed and we both climbed into bed naked she started.
*******
I still have this uncomfortable feeling when she tells me how close she feels with Peter and as she told me what they'd done, those feelings came crashing over me.
Again she started by simply saying she wanted to be naked with him. Just hearing her say that made me feel so aroused and yet, I guess, almost jealous in a way. I'd never thought about it but she told me how they kiss and how it turns her on for Peter to undress her. She was gently stroking my now hard cock as she told me more of how once she was naked, how she undressed him.
I know they kiss. At first I wasn't happy about that but now, as I kissed her, it turned me on to know that Peter's tongue (among other things) was in her mouth and how they shared their passion in a deep kiss.
After this though she began to share how intimate they are together; how she sucked gently at his cock or how he at her breasts. I felt like I would die when she pulled her legs back for me and said that was how she ‘presented’ herself for Peter so he could go down on her. A second later I was doing the same and that knowledge drove me crazy with desire.
Lying next to her naked like that and knowing that is how she is with him just drove me crazy for her. I felt it was now a challenge for myself to make her cum like Peter had done for her. I swear, thinking of him licking her pussy like I was spurred me on and I too made her scream with delight though probably not quite as vocally. As her body began to relax I slid upwards and rubbed my cock against her pussy and that seemed to remind her.
She reached around to the nightstand and picked up her diaphragm and the cream and asked me if I wanted to put it in like Peter does for her. Oh my god, I swear my hands were shaking and I nearly came without touching myself as she put it in my hands. When she saw my reaction she smiled and a second later when I was ready she said something like, "this is how Peter puts it in me" and she proceeded to just spread her legs apart and, there it was, her pussy on display. I leaned down and I just knelt there and it seemed like time itself stopped for a second.
This was the reality of the moment of my greatest anguish I've had. The idea that Peter had done this same act with my own wife just got to me. It was like an out of body experience or something because the next thing I heard was Sue asking me if I was okay. It was almost surreal as I folded it in half with one hand and with the other I spread her pussy open. As second later it was in and I was feeling around inside her to make sure it was in the right place. The whole time all I could think was that Peter also gets to do this with her.
From that moment onwards it's a blur. She told me what positions they have tried and what each of them likes. It was how she told it that got to me, as we moved from me on top of her to her on her knees and me behind her, she'd just say, "this is my favourite with Peter" and stuff like that. She'd found a middle-ground where she was teasing me as we were fucking and that really turned me on, hearing how what I was doing was the same as he had done.
I don't know how I lasted as long as I did but I do know that by the time we were face-to-face with me on top and her legs locked behind me pulling me in as deeply as I could get, at that point, there was no more teasing from her just deep, incredible loving passion. I swear, at that moment, it felt like we were one. My cock felt like it was huge and it's job was to totally fill her. She'd cum so much already that she just whispered, "it's your turn baby" and that was it for me and a moment later as she held me tightly I let loose with what felt like a pint of cum.
After we caught our breath and washed up, we talked some more but we will save our further discussions for another day.
*******
What came out was something that I'd sort of known or guessed but when I heard it from her it hit me that this may be more than I'd wanted.
She says it is nothing and it is something she had told me about long ago. After her divorce before me she saw a shrink for a while. One thing she said she learned about herself was that she could say, "I love you" and have it be only for that moment or for that feeling and she said it to me very early on during sex. She reminded me of this many times, how she'd said that to me possibly the first time we had sex together and how that made me feel so close to her as we fucked.
It felt so different now when she told me she'd scream that out to Peter as they fucked. I told her I felt it was different, that she was working that out with her shrink as she was dating guys and stuff. I told her that saying she loved him just felt too much to me even if it was only about their sex together.
She really didn't want to hear any of it and she sort of said at one point that she could no more easily stop saying that than I could stop snoring at night!
I asked her if Peter said it back to her. She said she didn't think so but that she couldn't really say it one way or another.
I asked her honestly if she'd ever said it to him outside this peak of passion between them and that was the other moment that hurt me. She didn't deny it right away and I knew that meant ‘yes’. She said it wasn't like that and that it was still about the moment. I asked her if it was the moment or the man. She was very firm that it was just the moment and that's all. Over and over she said that.
I told her that this, on top of the intimacy level between them was just about too much. That was when she said, "what do you expect; we’re fucking each other, aren't we?" She said that it's been a few months now and she said she does have feelings for him. Not in any way that she'd leave me or is even thinking about such a thing but that she does feel strongly about Peter and not that she loves him but, as she said several times, "he is far more than a friend".
She then started to tell me more of what they talk about when they're not fucking. She said that she's talked with him about all sorts of problems he's having with his kids and his wife's way of taking care of them. They've talked about his problems at work and what she thinks he should do in certain situations. She told me that she's shared some stuff with him about our lives and asked his opinions and such. I guess I was beginning to see more sides of their now, apparently, relationship that has come up.
We went on and on and she remains fairly adamant that this is not love between them, just intense friendship and that she always puts his family life above her desires. I told her that I felt like she'd shared so much of what used to just be ours together and that it happened not just so quickly but more that it happened so easily for her to let him have those parts of her.
I told her how I felt about the whole diaphragm thing, the naked thing, the showering together thing, the kissing and hickeys thing and yes, the denial thing. And I told her how some of this stuff some of the time might be exciting but giving it all to him every time feels like it's too much.
She listened very intently and once again told me that she just felt really good with him and that she wasn't ready to change that just yet and how she didn't want to. She held me and said I didn't have anything to worry about and she told me that Peter may get her body but that he would never have her heart as that was mine.
I was speechless at that. I asked her what she was going to do and all she turned it on me and asked instead, what did I want her to do? She said she'd do anything that I wanted if I told her what it was I wanted.
I thought for a second or two (or was that a minute or two?) it was long enough that she asked "well?" a second time.
I finally just said that I wanted her to be careful with ‘us’. I was going to say more but before I could think of how I wanted to say it, she leaned onto me and started kissing me and telling me over and over how she loved me and stuff like that.
There was some other stuff but that was most of it. We had some other talking today and we seemed to reach a happy place as we found time for a ‘quickie’ this afternoon and, despite no teasing or mention of Peter or stuff like that, we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves very much.
She went to bed a bit early and here I sit thinking of this whole situation and I’m not sure what to make of it. I do believe her when she says she loves me and wouldn't ever hurt us but I also believe that she's already given a part of herself to Peter that cannot come back. That this part with Peter is sexual is very much a turn on for me; that he shares her body as easily as I do; that she screams with him as she does with me, that's all still a turn-on but thinking of her clutching his back as she does mine and thinking of her screaming how she loves him, the feeling those thoughts give me are just so strange and different.
I will encourage her to seek out another partner but I need to be sure I make her understand that it's not that I want her slutting herself out all over the place but rather than I want her to have more experience so that she can know better what she wants and how far she wants it to go. I'm just not sure when I'll ask her as I also don't want her to think I'm somehow jealous about Peter as I wouldn't want to drive anything they're doing underground to keep it away from my knowledge.
*******
I think what I'm realizing is that I am a cuckold and that I want to be one. By that I mean that I do want her to fuck Peter and I do want her to enjoy it and, to a degree, that it enhances sex between us and my overall level of arousal and that she flaunt and tease me about that and, to a degree, also deny me. I don't want anything beyond this, at least not at this point, as I think I'd have a problem with chastity as I did enjoy masturbating for/with her last Wednesday and I do enjoy it at other times.
I don't see her wanting to control me that way either. I know that if she were to come home on a Thursday and tell me she was too tired or whatever to have sex with me, that I could accept it voluntarily so I'm not sure why she'd want to prevent me from any self-pleasure at other times. If she asked me to I'd masturbate anywhere for her I guess. That's really nothing new as she's long liked to watch me since we first got together and I think she always liked that I wasn't so self-conscious as to mind.
It's the sharing of herself like she does that gets to me. I know I am the furthest thing from her mind when she's with Peter and that’s as I think it should be but since she's told me how she is when she’s with him, it just gets to me in an uncomfortable way. I guess, I'll just have to get used to it seems.
The thing about it is that when she tells me that stuff as part of foreplay or sexual-sharing between us (even when I'm alone masturbating to some fantasy or something) the images and ideas that I get about them together are actually incredibly exciting to me. I mean there's a part of me that would like to see them in the shower together with him behind her soaping her breasts. Even now sitting here thinking about her just being naked with him when they're together is just something that simple that turns me on. The physical side of all of this is such a turn on for me; her spreading her legs and letting him put her diaphragm in, that part, it seems, does turn me on, knowing she's opening herself and he's inside her readying her for him, that part is actually quite arousing. It's the emotional side that I'm having problems dealing with, I guess.
I can say that on Tuesday nights when, hopefully, Sue and I have sex, that I am acutely aware that she will say ‘no’ to sex on Wednesday night with me and I must admit that it is powerfully arousing to hear her say it and to know clearly now that she would prefer to wait for Peter.
******
Sue told me she would be happy with my masturbating as a way of alleviating my desires for her. This is sort of what we did last week when I masturbated on Wednesday when she preferred for herself to wait for Peter on Thursday.
I think, if anything, that if she genuinely begins to prefer Peter at other times, in effect increasing her denial of me, I would think that she would be even more encouraging of my masturbating. Possibly the only application I can see would be her wanting to prevent me from such masturbation so that I would want her more on the nights when she is available to me but in that case all she needs to do is just say that's what she wants!
I don't see a physical need for chastity and I wouldn't simply go along with it just because it's what she wants. I have not ceded that level of control to her. I don't see this as something Sue would want as I don't see what she would get out of it other than, apparently, some sort of satisfaction out of controlling that aspect of my own sexuality.
I have never found the subject of chastity to be arousing in itself. However, none of this is to say that if she did want to try it, that I would resist anymore that I just don't see her embracing it as a concept for us.
I have actually suggested, a while back now so she may have forgotten, that she TELL me to masturbate, possibly even several times, before she goes out as a way of curbing my desire for her when she returns. That would be as close to ****** chastity that I can see her doing and I would associate it more with aspects of short-term denial than chastity.
*******
I won't dwell too much on last night suffice to say that Sue asked me if I wanted some ‘alone time’ (meaning she'd leave me alone with the computer in the office if I wanted to masturbate) or she asked if I ‘wanted her company’ which I understood her to mean if I wanted to masturbate with her or, rather, in-front of her. I told her that it didn't much matter as I knew we weren't having sex and she said that she ‘always likes to watch’ and she offered again to tease or encourage me if I wanted. I had thought about maybe finding a good video on the 'Net (she's not into computer video porn) and having some fun alone but I reconsidered figuring I'll have plenty of alone time next week so I said okay to her offer.
Sparing all the details , she did lie next to me naked and as I got closer she spread her legs and teased me how Peter was going to be the next to cum in her. She kept going on about that and just a few minutes later I started to get close. I hoped she'd lean over again but last night she said she wanted to watch. I've always loved her to watch me so I let it fly all over my stomach and chest. She played with it with her fingers and at one point, put them in my mouth which I think turned her on. A little bit later she got me a warm washcloth and cleaned me up.
This morning was her regular Thursday routine and she was all happy and giddy. She left a little earlier with a spare bag with her that I saw contained her diaphragm, some lingerie and I thought I saw one of her vibrators in there too. She let me know too that she would probably be home later again as this is their last time together for a few weeks.
******
It's 7pm and the kids are eating downstairs in front of the TV. Meanwhile, I'm pacing eagerly waiting for her to get home. It's such an intense feeling to think of what she and Peter are doing right now. I don't expect her till between 8 and 8:30pm so I have another hour or so.
The kids are used to it that every Thursday mom has a late meeting, they don't think it’s anything odd.
It's this part of her and Peter, this and then later tonight, that I would have to say that are the most arousing to me; mentally now and physically later.
******
The thoughts of them writhing together on the bed or wherever are enough to torment me for hours or so it seems but then, as with last night, seeing her come in with that unmistakeable look on her face, the feelings are just so intense, jealousy; anxiety; love; admiration and even a bit of rage!
Last night was quite comical. As Sue puttered around the kitchen when she came in before going upstairs our daughter was talking to us. At one point Sue was at the kitchen sink and our daughter said, “uh oh mom, looks like you sat in something”!
At that moment I looked over and could see a wet-spot on the back of her skirt! I immediately knew what it was and Sue just said, "oh, I must have leaned against something that was wet" and with that she went up to the bedroom to get changed.
******
Book full, need to open another.
*******
