Book Six
Last night when I got home she told me of her doctor’s visit. She said that while she had been uncomfortable with the procedure she didn't have any of the problems she'd read about (cramps and stuff). I asked her when we could test it out! She said that because she's mid-cycle that she needs to use some other birth control for at least a few (3-4) days to be sure everything is okay and that's also how long it takes before it starts to work.
Then she tells me she can't use the diaphragm either for another day or so as everything ‘inside’ is irritated (she later told me that whatever they used to dilate her cervix left her "swollen" and it won't fit) and that it's a common result of the procedure that goes away in 12-24 hours usually.
We were both still very horny and she was into teasing me again too. After dinner last night we were upstairs and she was sorting laundry and she held up her panties from Thursday night and called for me and said, "I think these are dirty, don't you?". Later on, when she told me of her ‘swollen’ problem she reminded me that we had some condoms in the bathroom from when she went to Boston. That was okay with me as I thought I was going to have to settle for us not fucking.
When things started to get hot and horny last night she'd been teasing me about how Peter likes certain positions or telling me other stuff. Without spermicide in her I could really enjoy licking her pussy and that was a great thought for the future! She teased me and asked (although she knew I couldn't) if I could still taste Peter in her and then she continued by telling me that she thinks she's going to enjoy not having to ‘prepare’ for sex! It was when we were about to fuck though that she really got to me and said, "You need to put a condom on just like Bill had to when I was up in Boston last summer.”
What a turn-on to hear that, I hadn't thought back to that time in a while now and her saying that brought back a lot of things. As I knelt on the bed and opened the foil package I thought to how I felt back then and how Bill must have felt at that moment.
She recognized that it turned me on and teased me more about having to use a condom for the next day or so. Just the way she was teasing me was so erotic; she'd ask me if I had pictured them doing this or that and her teasing took me in yet another whole direction.
Normally I hate using condoms but last night it didn't matter. With the way we were connecting it was a total turn-on and we fucked for what felt like hours. I know she came several times reacting to me in her pussy or to the thoughts in her own head. Eventually, even through the numbness of the condom, I finally came too.
As I slipped out of her she let out that giggle again. I asked what was so funny and she answered, "... it turned you on to think about Bill AND Peter didn't it?" I smiled but didn't answer; she already knew.
We cleaned up and drifted off to sleep.
******
I'll be honest here and will say that the idea of Peter riding her bareback does turn me on. I was in the shower and when thought about it and damn if I didn't get a wicked hard-on.
By the same token, I'm not sure that I want Suzanna to know that this is a turn-on for me to think about. I'm just not sure that I want her thinking that way despite that it might be a nice gesture.
I am reminded about a conversation we had a long time ago about her first boyfriend who took her virginity. She was actually on the pill before she was having sex as her doctor prescribed it to regulate her monthly cycle. The doc told her it meant that she couldn't get pregnant but that it wasn't a license for sex. She never told her strict catholic mom that or she'd have flipped knowing her daughter was on birth control.
Anyway, she told me that Joe (I think that was his name) was thrilled that he didn't have to use a condom that first time. She said it hadn’t been a great experience and that it had hurt a bit and made her think about all sorts of stuff but that she did and always will remember him and have a special place in her heart for him. When we started talking about her fucking other guys, she came out and said that if Joe did come back around, that she would probably fuck him what with him being the first guy in her and the first guy to cum in her. She said she would probably always let him have her.
I understood what she was saying. If my first girlfriend who let me blast inside her showed up then I too would want to give it a shot for old-times.
Where I'm going with all of this is that I am concerned that if I suggest this and she does go for it, that it will cement Peter in a similar place in her heart.
To be very honest, I'm actually a bit scared that if I show her that I am, in any way, enjoying the whole ‘me in a condom and Peter not’ that it may become something she will look to do in the future. She's very aware of what I enjoy in terms of her teasing me to enhance our time together; I'm a little concerned that she may add the ‘me using a condom’ thing to her repertoire and ask it of me in the future.
I honestly hate condoms as I just don't get off as well in them but the whole symbolism thing of what they mean if I use them and Peter doesn't is absolutely a turn-on. Basically that thought and arousal pretty much convinces me that I am definitely a cuckold inside. I mean I have surely masturbated to these types of stories before but I don't think, even subconsciously, I ever wanted to be in one for real.
I don't think Suzanna likes condoms at all though so that may be a saving grace for me as even these past 2 nights she hasn't seemed happy about using them. However, if she sees that I get some enjoyment, even though it may be a mental and not physical, it could change how she sees them. Right now she only sees them as a diaphragm-alternative, not with any sort of sexual stimulation thing for me on their own.
I'm rambling on but I'm not sure what I should think or do here. I love the excitement that this whole line of thought is doing to me but I'm not sure how to bring it up in such a way that I can find out what she's thinking/feeling without having her change how she feels about it.
She did let me put my fingers in her vagina last night though; she felt okay enough for that. She asked if I could feel the 2 strings (more like fishing line) that come out of her cervix and are attached to the IUD. She told me that's how she knows it in the right place and also how the doctor can remove it if needed. I could feel them and she said that if everything is okay after a week or 2 that her doctor can trim them back as by then everything should be okay for the longer term. That was both weird and exciting; feeling that inside her, knowing what it meant.
*******
I don't know if I can come out and say about the bareback thing to her just yet; maybe later tonight after some wine but what I did say earlier this afternoon when we had some alone-time and were kissing and stuff was, "there are still a few more condoms if you are still not ready for the diaphragm."
She hugged me and said, "That’s so sweet that you are thinking about me,” but that was all.
I'm a bit scared to come out and say it. I mean it's something I just need to be sure I want to say as I don't think there will be a way to take it back afterwards. On the one hand I would like her to think and want for me to use condoms as she does know it would just drive me crazy with desire and arousal. On the other hand part of me is concerned about what it could mean if she were to want it for I don't know how I would deal with that if it got out of hand or became something more than just these next few days.
I know we're in a good place right now so I'm reluctant to change things especially not knowing what's going to happen with her anyway. The other thing I think about is that circumstances like this don't happen often when timing, moods, feelings, the stars, the moon and whatever else line up just so. It almost seems like fate in some ways.
We're cooking dinner together and it'll be ready shortly so I'm going to go consider things over some wine before dinner.
Wish me luck.
******
Last night Suzanna really appreciated my being agreeable to using a condom again. She even had a little fun calling me Bill and playing up, "how nice it is to see you again". That really got me going.
I only raised the subject of Joe, her very first boyfriend, in the context of ‘firsts’, of having a special place in her. In other teasing and conversation I asked her if Peter was looking forward to the ‘new you’. She blushed and said yes.
I wasn't really thinking clearly (or was I?) when I said something about him being a reason for the IUD in the first place. Suzanna told me that she liked the idea after her doctor was so positive about it and then said she surely won't miss the spermicide cream. I smiled at that and said, "neither will I."
I did ask her earlier this afternoon how she felt ‘down-there’. She smiled and said she was pretty sure everything was better. I then asked her if the 4-days were enough and she said that's what the doctor had told and then added, "I hope so".
I have maybe 3 more hours to decide. I may not have to reveal my fantasy about using condoms since I can say I'm worried about the 4-days or that I want to be sure she's really-okay and ready. That may buy me another day, however, I will only be putting this off till tomorrow at best.
I'm thinking I may just tell her I liked the idea of saying it'd be part-time on agreement with both of us or something like that.
All I know is that I have this rock hard boner just typing this.
******
When I got home and over dinner I hinted around about tonight and got clear signs she was still horny and so I asked her both if she was ready and whether she was sure enough time had passed by. I did it in passing conversation, not as the centre of what we were talking about, and I wasn't even sure if she'd heard me. I just know that I was still undecided.
We said goodnight to our son about 10pm and headed up to our bedroom. I won't say there was a tension between us but there was definitely something in the air so to speak. When we got into bed finally and started kissing and stuff she brought it up. She said again, "thanks for being so considerate". I kept quiet and just kept up the making-out and I told her it was no big deal and that I just wanted to be sure she was okay and things like that.
As we started to get into it a bit more she said something like, "...the doctor did say 4 or 5 days...” I could tell she was sort of tense too so I just asked, "what's wrong?" and she just said it was nothing and she was just thinking out loud.
Now maybe it was my mind playing with me but it just seemed to me that she wasn't all there, like her mind was elsewhere. To be honest, mine was too. I mean she was so wet and ready and I knew I could just have her just like that finally again after 14 years since she was on the pill. Yet I also knew that I wanted something else.
So it really came down to those few minutes. This morning I'm looking back and realizing how big that time was last night. I guess I'm finally okay with accepting that I want to be a cuckold. I think I had ridden the fence a long time; this seemed like it just fell into place and I know that in those few moments last night, I let myself accept what I wanted.
I played hero and said, "look, if you're still worried" - it took her a second to understand what I was saying. She then did the whole, "I couldn't ask you again, I feel bad enough" speech.
As I said, I now realize that at that moment I knew exactly what I wanted. I think I surprised her by asking about whether she was still keeping Wednesdays to herself and she just nodded and said, "hopefully" with this shy questioning look that I could not lie to.
And that was it, I just said, 'I'll be okay" and then after a pause just loud enough to be heard, "it kind of turns-me on if that's what you want tonight".
It took her a moment to think about what I meant. She said, "You know it's not like that; it's not that I don't want you".
I looked at her and said something like that may be what she's telling herself but I ‘knew’ there was more to it. That's when I said, "Anyway, that's what turns-me on".
I didn't know if she would realize all of what I had said and implied until she said, "you know what you are saying, that Peter..." and I cut her off and just said, "Yes, I know what it means". Again, maybe it's me but I swear I saw a smile and a certain look on her face at that moment.
She didn't tease me at all after that. Matter of fact, it was quite a passionate love-making session. Neither of us said anything else about that part of our fucking; no comment about the condom or what I thought was a lot of cum (for me) in it when we were done. It was just very passionate and very loving. Sometimes I'll be up on my elbows or have my arms fully extended when I'm on top of her but last night she wanted me close and wrapped herself around me as we both orgasmed. All she said as she got out of bed to get us a washcloth was, "Thank you. I love you".
And that was it. It's now almost 12 hours later and I am still turned-on and have a wicked hard-on writing this thinking about what I've done. She still hasn't said anything else to me about it. All I can think about is how I'm going to have to keep my hands off her tonight and what a struggle that will be. I am SURE that there will be some more talking tonight.
I feel good that I let it be her choice and that she got the courage and strength up to let herself say it even if she told herself that wasn't the real reason. I'm okay with that and I feel good that I finally said what I was thinking and that she was good with that too.
*******
When I reached down and felt her last night, knowing she was ready to be fucked and knowing how wet she was, and that, as I said, it would be a first in like 14 years to do it safely without diaphragm/spermicide.
I guess you can call me a true cuckold for this want and desire but at that moment, and I know it's crazy, but it just seemed to be an incredible rush and turn-on to admit at that moment to myself that I wanted Peter to have her first like that.
I think part of me was of the mindset that this is something special and exciting for us both and that in a strange way I wanted it to be even more exciting for Suzanna to have her feel that nervousness, that anxiety and, yes, that desire to have Peter fuck her first.
I guess in a way I'm hoping that she'll start to want this for herself when she sees and experiences something like this.
Crazy, I know.
******
Suzanna seemed quite happy this morning. I do hope she is in the mood to talk about it tonight as now that the cat is out of the bag I do want her to tell me how and what she is feeling and thinking both about what I told her, what she thinks about me and what she thinks about Peter. I’m also very turned on thinking about what she may tell Peter and what he thinks about it too.
******
It was strangely quiet sex-wise this evening compared to the past few days. A thought came to mind that Suzanna had always said ‘no’ to Wednesday nights because of the whole diaphragm/spermicide stuff she'd have in her for like 48 hours straight if we had sex. So I realized that in what I'd said last night I'd already changed over to accepting Wednesday's new status as just her not wanting me and wanting to be ready for Peter tomorrow night.
That thought struck me in that it made me realize that she is starting to want things sexually for herself and not just for me. What a turn-on to see happening. All night long until the kids were gone I just thought about what I'd set into motion and how she seemed very happy. Once we were in the bedroom she started the conversation by right out asking me if I was serious what I'd said about last night and being aroused by using a condom with her.
I wasn't really ready for this just then and I tried to find the right words. I finally told her that it wasn't so much the condom that turned me on but it was using it because I was turned on by what it meant would happen. I said it, "that Peter would have you first".
From there we just went in every direction. She came out and admitted that it too turned her on both that I wanted it for her but also that she felt so wild and aroused by her desire to have the first time with Peter. She made it quite clear at one point when she said something about being surprised that, "my first time with just the IUD for protection will be with Peter and to know that it is also what you want too".
She looked down at one point and saw my cock as it is now bulging out of my sweatpants and she smiled and asked, "is that because of what Peter is going to get and you're not?"
Damn, I nearly came just from hearing her say that but as sexy and erotic as she was there was one point where I said something about, “... hoping I'm not going to lose you.” At that moment there was a sudden change in her whole persona. She went from sexy and erotic to dead serious. She held my head and face in her hands and just said how much she loved me and she repeated that her enjoyment depends on mine. She said she appreciated knowing that I am liking all of this and that I'm okay with going further because she did want to, very much so. She then it quite clear that if I wasn't happy with this, or better, if I'm not aroused sexually about it, that she would stop wanting it herself as she would never feel right about it otherwise.
You would have to know Suzanna to understand how serious she was and I simply do not doubt her. I told her as we kissed that this is something we're doing together and as long as we're both enjoying it, that we should go on.
I did not bring up Joe but from what she said to me and from what I've said to her, I no longer question that she would surely have sex with him. My theory on that is that the men who are partners with women when they have their ‘first times’ are ones who earn special consideration in the future.
I know it works that way as, before Suzanna and I were together I happened to meet up with my old high-school girlfriend. We had been each other’s ‘firsts’ and despite her involvement with another guy it was effortless for me to get her into bed and into her panties.
I'm thinking that Peter will be one of Suzanna's ‘firsts’; the first guy to cum in her in 14 years without a diaphragm and spermicide. I'm not sure why that turns me on but it does.
I told Suzanna I would try to hold off until she gets home tomorrow night. She smiled and said that would be ‘very sweet.’
I don't believe Suzanna likes or enjoys using condoms and we have (and she has) only used them out of necessity. However, I will admit that in my fantasy-ridden mind a request from her for me to use a condom with her, for any made-up reason, if done correctly could be arousing.
Is there a symbolism regarding Peter having greater claim on her pussy? I think that concept might be lost on her but it is an arousing thought. I mean in some ways I am ‘giving’ her to him but I could only go along with that in the realm of sexual enjoyment and just for that moment, not as anything beyond. I think Suzanna wouldn’t want that either despite what may be in her heart.
At this point, I believe I'm ready to accept whatever she might want. She’s already admitted to wanting Peter to be the ‘first’ and that was incredibly arousing to hear. It was also telling me that she is wanting things for herself which I'm happy to do as long as we're open with each other and not hiding anything. Since I made this admission to her, I feel as if a weight is off my shoulders and it just seems easier to say, "This is what turns me on" and that's it.
******
It feels really good to finally just come out and admit to Suzanna what I was thinking. I do think I underestimated her in some ways in her ability to understand me more than I thought.
It just seemed to me like the almost perfect situation to encourage. Even this morning as I kissed her when she left for work, she smiled and hugged me and told me how lucky she is. She then added that I, "had better be ready for later".
I guess for me right now it's just something that I did and will just have to live with; to me, knowing what's going to happen later is extremely hot. I had thought today that I would have regrets or second thoughts but instead I almost feel better about it than yesterday.
The idea that I could make tonight more exciting for us all just seemed like the right thing to do.
It seems like this is all happening so easily and almost effortlessly but I think and feel that is much more of Suzanna's doings than mine. She seems to genuinely understand what turns me on and I guess that must reflect something positive about how we are together.
Now I'm just hoping the day goes by quickly and that she isn't too late tonight.
*****
Last night was our no-sex night but this time it wasn't because of the whole 48-hour diaphragm usage thing, no, this time it was because she knew it turned me on to have to wait for her.
Tonight and it's now 7:30pm. I am SURE that Peter has already put the IUD to the test and that Suzanna has undoubtedly had orgasm after orgasm. When she does finally come home - hopefully within the next hour - it will also be the first time in 14 years that she will not have used spermicide when a guy has cum inside her. I cannot wait to experience that with her later.
Meanwhile I am trying to hide the evidence of my perpetual hard-on from my kids and am trying to avoid getting over-stimulated to keep myself on edge until later tonight.
I am not sure where all this will now lead for my openness and confession of more of the depths of my cuckold desires are a concern but the excitement of it all makes that pale in comparison.
That I should be much more of a part of their time together has the potential to be a recipe for disaster for us but I don't feel that way right now. I do genuinely believe that Suzanna is being honest with me when she says that it is just sex and that there isn't much more than that between them. I guess time will tell.
******
She didn't get home until well after 8pm on Thursday and I was on the edge all night until I dragged her up to the bedroom about 10pm after we said goodnight to our son. She told me that they both met at their usual no-tell motel. Peter was there already when she got there. She asked me if I wanted to hear all the details and all I could say was, "definitely".
Peter was very surprised by what Suzanna told him I'd done. She said he actually felt honoured and, as I'd hoped, she couldn't contain her excitement and it was clear to me as she told me what happened that I'd done the right thing. For the first time I actually felt like she was telling me what she wanted to tell me instead of what I wanted to hear! That turned me on so much.
She said they got naked and he eagerly went down on her. For the first time I cringed as she told me that he would fuck her a bit and then go back to going down on her. I remembered being able to do that with her back when she was on the pill and I was VERY envious of Peter enjoying that moment with her.
I no longer really fear telling her that hearing these things really turns me on.
She said that feeling him without spermicide in her was incredibly arousing and that was only topped by when he did finally cum inside her. The look in her eyes as she told me that said it all. She said she'd also not realized what a worry about him being in her without any contraception had been before and with that thought how she seemed to orgasm so much more easily.
He asked her several times whether I had really not ‘had her’ yet. Each time she said, "no, he wanted you to be the first" and he would just start fucking her more and more and harder and harder.
I felt my excitement building as she told me how she was on her back as he was in her and he said he was getting close. She said she held him tightly as he moaned and I nearly came without touching myself when she told me that as they were kissing she felt him finally climax and that she was right there and orgasmed with him; just from how much she could feel from him; how she could feel his body in her and next to her and how she could feel his warmth spreading inside her.
That was it, I eagerly went down on her after hearing that. She knew to expect that as this was a first for me, of not having to deal with spermicide and such. I didn't mind Peter's cum in her and being able to feel and taste what was left pushed me right to the edge.
When I could stand it no longer I pulled up onto my knees and eased my own cock into her now wet and open pussy. She just said to me, "it's your turn now" and that was it. I just started to fuck her like crazy as deep as I could go. She was so open and not so much creamy inside but VERY wet. A moment later I just let loose in her.
We talked a lot last night and, my god, did she tease me last night before we fucked again. Suffice to say that right now, Saturday morning, my cock is thoroughly drained for sure.
******
Her answer to me when I asked her how she felt with him, whether she felt closer to him or whether she was more excited or anything like that, gave me such an intense rush and wild combination of feelings. She told me that she felt, in many ways, like a virgin and very much like she did her very first time. She didn't say it was Joe but I knew what she meant. She said she felt so alive and so so sensitive. I told her that I too hadn't realized just how numbing the spermicide had been.
I was so excited hearing all of this and my response was obvious by how turned on and hard I'd get as she'd tell me this. She knew I wanted to be teased a lot on Friday too and, my god, did she seem to enjoy it. I can't remember in what order or whatever but during our foreplay last night she enjoyed telling me all sorts of stuff.
She told me how she could feel so much more of Peter's cock; she described how she could feel every vein and ridge; how she could feel him so much when he was deep in her too; how when he was deep in her and he'd be close to cumming that she could feel him swelling up - something I KNOW she loves - and getting thicker before he'd cum in her.
Last night she showed me the position they were in when he came in her the first time. I love this position; her knees bent all the way with her thighs against her calves, and then pushing back and out on her legs. However she is shaped inside, that's the position that is just the most intense. She said a lot of times with the diaphragm in her she couldn't get comfortable like that but now that she was able to let Peter really have her and that she felt like he was opening her up and crawling inside. Like I said, I'd enjoyed that position many times and when she told me that was how she was when he squirted I was both incredibly excited to the point of something like spontaneous combustion but I also felt this ache that I knew was going to come with it. She had given something to Peter that I just had some second thoughts about. That position for her (and me) I know that her whole body is just like waiting at the edge of orgasm and as soon as I, and now Peter, cum in her it is like the most intense climax.
******
Now, a day later, I have to say that it is an incredible turn-on to even think about it. I'm glad I did what I did that I gave her something that was very special for her. It is so fucking arousing just to even see her walking around the house knowing what she's doing with Peter.
She said she stayed naked with him the entire time and the entire time he would just push his cock into her whenever he wanted. She loved it; loved the feeling of not having the spermicide and stuff all over. It killed me when she said she loved that she could suck him any time and did so many times.
I had to know, to ask, how many times did he manage to cum in her? She was quiet and then said quietly, “3 times,” and then, “But I don’t think he ‘came’ much the last time.” The first time he was on top of her in my favourite position (the position I was in when I got her pregnant which turned me on to think about). The second was with him behind her as they watched a dirty movie on TV. She said she could feel SO much more in that position than ever before. All I could think of was him behind her giving her a few swats on the ass as he fucked her!
She said the last time was very special. He told her that he was very touched by what she'd and I'd done and she said it was one of those moments where they just lay there. She really poured it on telling me how they were so close, hugging, kissing, caressing ; her holding her legs back for him and him deep in her for what she said felt like forever. She said she didn't cum from that but that it felt almost as good feeling him like that. She let him pump away until he said he'd cum and then they just kept on hugging and kissing.
Now I know she deliberately laid on the last part for I'd told her that’s what I wanted her to do; to tell me every detail of last night and, my god, she did. After she finished telling me everything and we got to fucking, I held her closely and as we kissed she told me again how that was the very position again that Peter was with her. Feeling her against me like that and knowing Peter had felt the exact same thing the night before just filled me with such an intense erotic feeling that I just started to really fuck her deeply and more and more firmly. She kept it going telling me how Peter would hold her ass and pull himself into her more and more.
I can't even remember some of what she said because a moment later I just exploded in her. I mean it scared even me at how intense an orgasm it was it was, just like hot lava shooting out of me and I can't recall cumming that much in ages either.
The moments after that, when I realized she too had really climaxed at the same time, were just so tender and loving. I think she was even crying on my shoulder at one point as she told me she loved me. That moment was just so incredible after what had been.
Today we've teased each other a bit and such but we both seem to really want time later tonight.
******
I have not really asked Suzanna much about Peter’s family other than to know that he has at least one kid who is maybe a year old around now or something like that. We discussed this when she first started seeing him and from what I can see Suzanna is just a fuck-buddy and I'm okay with that.
I do know from past discussions and from yesterday and today that they do say they love each other to each other. That did bother me at first but I have come to understand that it is within their time together that they feel that way. I do know Suzanna has come to care a lot about Peter; not to the point of my being worried about losing her to him but in the sense that she does feel safe and VERY comfortable with him. I do not know to what degree he feels towards Suzanna but I don’t see them on the phone or swapping email either so I just don't think she is a threat to their marriage either.
I do know that it's going to have to change, grow or end in the future though. Work projects end and I am not sure how long Peter can keep this up with his wife. I do fear the day should she find out, but again, that is his doing.
Suzanna has indicated that she would feel terrible if that happened but she has also said that since our relationship has gone this route that she has less issues about extramarital sex. About 10 years ago a family down our street broke apart because the husband flipped out when he found his wife was fucking another guy. We heard this second-hand with some degree of accuracy but thought that it wasn't anything more than just what Suzanna is doing, enjoying a bit of time with someone else. This was before we had seriously started to open our own relationship up but she remembered my sentiments at the time that I had said that as long as it wasn't anything ‘serious’ that I wouldn't have split up or anything like that. She now looks back and recognises that I had this attitude way back then; now she looks back and also agrees with me in the same way.
We talked today about whether I enjoyed last night, her teasing and the other things she said and did. I knew she really just wanted to confirm that I was still okay as she clearly knew I had enjoyed it. I told her that providing I had the moments like we had together at the end that I would be okay with almost anything they would do. She had a big smile on her face hearing that.
I know that a lot of people might say, "This is too good to be true" for this to be working like this with her first real fuck-buddy and all but I know that this is really just because we waited almost 15 years to even discuss starting this; that we have always been open to talk about everything. I can look at her and know what she's thinking and we both can answer each other’s sentences. Our kids think we practice together because we each say the same things in the same way to them. When we met I wasn't particularly looking to find someone; we started as friends and it grew from there.
In a way it does bother me to go against conventions. I mean I think every guy has it in his mind that his wife is his and his alone for that's the way we were all programmed by our parents. Knowing she spreads her legs for Peter and knowing that during those few hours each week she is his, all his, it does bother me if I focus on that side of it but when I let myself focus on the fun and pleasure and excitement that Suzanna gets out of it and when I think of how aroused I am and the type of physical intense sex we have when she comes home, it makes it all worthwhile.
I do hope she feels encouraged to do more. I have other fantasies as most cuckolds (and I definitely am one) and I can think of some pretty wild fantasies of my wife doing all sorts of things. However, the biggest question I continue to ponder about is how far and to where that line between fantasy and reality moves.
******
Suzanna is definitely gaining confidence in her teasing me. Last night she said, "come here and have some of Peter's pussy!" or something of that nature. She continued by telling me that I would have to ‘be good’ tonight so that she can be ready for Peter tomorrow night. She made many other comments including several about enjoying how Peter feels when he cums in her. At one point she said how he likes to hold her tight as he just about to cum. That erotic thought almost got me off. At one point she told me to look down and to think that Peter gets to see the same thing, of his cock sliding into her instead of mine.
To be honest, I was loving it. She told me how she can't wait to be naked with him and a lot of other stuff that drove me crazy. I went over the edge when she said, "I like that he can usually cum twice".
She knew I was okay with it last night. After we were done she just laid there, legs casually spread apart and with our combined juices clearly visible. I was next to her, catching my breath as she said, "Peter and I like lying together like this too". I rolled up onto one arm and looked over her and thought about her lying next to him. I looked at her pussy and she smiled and said, "he likes looking there too!” I couldn't really believe this because surely less than 12 months ago she was just not comfortable lying like that all ******* and, well, all used!
I rolled towards her and held her closely as we kissed and she said she loved me. Moments like that are just the ones to live for.
******
This morning she spent quite a lot of time naked as she picked out sexy undies and clothes for today. She said many things to me including how much Peter likes the bra and panty set she put on.
Since my ‘admission’ of the extent of my cuckold desires to her, I am finding myself much more at ease with her teasing and denial. She now understands that Wednesdays are pleasurable to me and she seems to want to talk and tease me more and more.
******
It's about 7:45pm. The kids are doing their thing downstairs and I'm sitting in our office upstairs waiting for Suzanna to return.
It's moments like this when my mind wanders to what she may be doing and does my cock ever respond to those nasty thoughts. One of these thoughts is that it must be nice to be younger like Peter and able to cum multiple times in an evening. I do remember those days but not in the past 10 years or so.
I just had The wicked thought that if he did her 3 times last Thursday and if he does her 3 times tonight he'll actually have fucked her more times than I have or, more correctly, he'll have cum in her more times than I have since she went on the IUD. Just makes me want her all that much more tonight.
She promised me one night she'll write me an Email or a note with ‘her version’ of everything they do on their evenings together. She said then I'll be able to read that on Wednesday nights to keep myself satisfied! I need to push her to do it for she's terrible with Email, maybe checks every few days and writes even less.
******
Suzanna didn't get home till quite late if I remember exactly right. I do remember that when we did finally get behind closed doors that she asked me to be gentle with her and plainly told me that Peter had, as she put it, "used her a lot". I will probably never forget her telling me how he said he wanted to try for three-times again and how she said he took forever for the 3rd time.
That thought still sits in my head. She said she'd cum enough already but that he really wanted it so she said she just let him fuck her until he finally came the last time. I don't know why that arouses me even now a week later but it still does. She said she was a bit sore from him taking so long and the way she said it was just such as way that it drove me crazy thinking about it.
She did let me have her that night and it was probably in my head but I swear her pussy felt different, hotter and wetter. It was certainly a much darker pink/red than its normal colour.
She knew it turned me on too. She made comments about, "hoping I wouldn't take as long as Peter". Needless to say, I didn't. I don't think she orgasmed with me that night but I do know that we felt very close afterwards.
******
Last weekend found us both feeling under the weather so it wasn't a very ‘hot weekend’. we did find time on Sunday but it was more love-making than anything else. I don't recall Monday, but I don't think we were very amorous.
Tuesday and I'm sorry to sound greedy but I don't like to miss Tuesday nights since she is still sticking to her ‘get ready for Peter’ Wednesdays. We seemed to be over whatever sneezing/coughing/sniffling thing we'd had over the weekend and Tuesday night sort of picked back up where we'd left off. She teased me a lot and at one point after she'd sucked me a bit. I went to get on top of her but she held her legs tightly shut and started to say, "No, not tonight". At first I thought she was serious and, my god, did it get me going. She teased that she really wanted to be horny for Peter and wanted to see how 2 days would be and how she'd be on Thursday.
She drove me crazy with her teasing and at one point she said I should probably jerk-off because she really wanted to wait for Peter. I asked her if she'd suck me off and she said that maybe she'd help me out at the end (she'll do that sometimes, have me jerk-off till I'm just about to cum and then she'll finish me off with her mouth) and she said, "maybe" as I started stroking myself.
I didn't really think about it at the time that I'd just given in to her request but as she said ‘maybe’ she gave it away that she wasn't serious and her face turned to a huge smile when she saw how horny I was. She pulled her knees back for me and with a smile on her face,again said, "maybe ..... maybe one day we'll do that but tonight, I want you".
That was incredibly hot. I saw a side of her that surprised me and also turned me on incredibly. She knew I was still all turned on and feeling horny on Wednesday and in bed before we went to sleep we kissed a bunch and stuff and she didn't say much but I knew she was horny and that she was horny for Peter. It felt good that night. I remember holding her in my arm next to me as I felt her start to fall asleep; I could feel how hot she was with just the 2 thin layers of cotton between us.
Yesterday morning was a blur as one of our kids missed the bus and I ran them over to school. Suzanna was already ready to go to work when I got back. She looked beautiful in a nice blouse and long skirt. I knew she'd have knee-highs on underneath and as I kissed her and grabbed her ass I could feel a pair of high-cut panties underneath and nothing else. She had on a camisole over her bra which I knew was one of the lacy sort of see-through ones.
That was it, a kiss and she was gone and I would have to wait until late when she came home to see her again.
I cannot describe the look on her face, it was one of just pure pleasure and satisfaction; a deep relaxed look in her eyes; the constant smile; cheeks all rosy and her hair tossed back. The kids seem to be used to her coming home later on the past few Thursdays as her explanation to them is that she goes out after work with friends for drinks and such. They don't ask, but I do!
Our daughter went to bed early not long after Suzanna came home and our son was busy so we were able to go to the bedroom ourselves. As we went in she sat me on the bed and said, "You’re not getting me now; later, yes, but not now."
She unbuttoned her blouse and I saw that she only had the camisole beneath. She slipped that off and I could have just stared at her all night. Her breasts seemed even more beautiful than usual. They seemed as if they had swollen up as if they were proud or something. I could see they were still reddened and the thoughts of knowing Peter had his hands and mouth all over her just turned me on.
She unzipped her skirt and stepped out of it. Sure enough she was wearing lacy white panties that matched the bra that was probably in her purse.
I didn't smell much sex-wise on her so I guessed that they'd washed up or showered together before she'd come home. There was no wet spot in her panties or any other outward signs of sex but she KNEW I was intently looking or eveidence. She walked right in front of me naked with just her thigh-highs on and pulled out a new pair of panties (granny-panties) before turning to sit next to me. At that point we lay back and started kissing. I ran my hands all over her but she pulled them away from her panties.
I didn’t persist but settled for touching her breasts and we kissed a bit more until she said she wanted to get something to eat and say good night to our son. She put on baggie sweatpants and shirt and we went back downstairs as I tried to hide my hard-on.
It was only at 10pm when we came back up for the night that she told me of her evening. How he'd gotten there at 4:30pm having left work early and how she didn't get there until a little after 5pm.
I was a bit distracted by her nakedness to remember but she said that they'd gotten naked almost immediately and she made it a point to tell me again how she loved being naked with him. She told me more of what they do together too of how she will tell him that he can have ‘his pussy’ now and how he tells her when they are together that she is his. She says that's why she likes being naked with him because it does make her feel like she is his and it is he who wants her naked.
She told me that sometimes he will ask her to sit ‘Indian style’ or lie in such a way that she is fully ******* to him. As I ran my hands over her body she said it used to feel weird sitting like that knowing how ‘open’ she was. (She's telling me this not a foot from my face as she's kissing my chest and I have my hands all over her). She then gave me a look to make sure I was okay with what she was about to say and then said, “Now I feel nothing but love now sitting there like that.”
As she said that she let me run my fingers up through her pussy and I could feel how hot she still was inside.
I guess I must be a true cuckold because at that moment I absolutely loving hearing those words; hearing her say how much she loves being sexual with Peter and at that moment feeling her swollen pussy and feeling how hot and wet she was inside. I felt nothing but love for her at that moment; loving that she felt so good about what she was doing and feeling and that she was able to share it with me.
She told me how he got on top of her and she willingly and even eagerly pulled her legs back for him. "I made him use some lubricant this time," she added and that just drove me crazy too.
I don't remember too much of specifics after hearing that but I was rock hard and by the time she let me in her, very horny! She told me how he'd cum in her twice and a bunch of other stuff. When she told me they showered together afterwards, that was when I just exploded in her!
This morning and I'm working from home for a while and need to do some ‘real work’. Just writing this has gotten me all started up and eager for tonight.
She's already told me she's due for her period in the next few days or so so I'm not going to miss any chances I have.
******
While Peter and I are similar in build/stature, we do look different. He's got light-brown hair; mine is dark, almost black. He's got different eyes and nose and I mused that his kids would look different too if Suzanna ever did get pregnant. Too much of a contrast given how much our two children look like us.
My son is definitely computer-savvy and he knows that I am well aware that he has a selection of porn that he enjoys but he does not use our computer just as we do not pry into his. Based on this, I suspect he'll respect boundaries. Suzanna uses a computer at work but is not really savvy and is ******* of what goes on at home. Our younger daughter is simply not into computers and she would have difficulty accessing our office computer as it is password-protected.
Despite my private pregnancy fantasy, there is just no way that either of us wants this in reality. (Suzanna is in her late 40's so there would be over 14 years between her last pregnancy.) It's simply not something that's going to happen. She IS also experiencing menopausal symptoms including hot-flushes and such so that may diminish the potential. I do seriously doubt that Suzanna would find it arousing to become pregnant. Perhaps one day I will find the courage to tell her that I do.
Had we been younger when all of this happened, perhaps there would have been a different story but then many things may have been different. I think the important part is to understand and enjoy where we are and not wonder about what would have been. I've become somewhat pragmatic about all of this since recognising and accepting my comfort with all of this.
******
It’s Thursday again, but it may be the last Thursday for Suzanna and Peter. This morning before she left she told me that Peter wanted to talk to her about Thursdays. She wasn't sure what it meant but said she'd let me know more tonight when she gets home.
We did have sex on Tuesday night. I didn't suggest that she expand her ‘no-sex before Peter’ time to include another night and she doesn't seem to want that (or at least hasn't said anything about it). While I may find that idea arousing, it's something that if she wants she is going to have to ask for, I think I'm experiencing quite enough already as it is. She did tease me a bit on Tuesday enjoying telling me about Peter being able to ‘easily cum 2 times in a night’ when she knows that for me a second time isn't the norm. Of course my first time is simply incredible so I don't feel like I'm necessarily missing out but I did get the feeling that Suzanna enjoys Peter being a bit younger and more easily going for seconds. I guess I'll find out and hear more about that tonight.
*******
Going back to Thursday night it is, as I said, actually gotten much easier on me over the past few weeks to the point where I am truly happy for Suzanna while she's out. Of course I always look forward to her coming home and to our time afterwards but some of the angst and anxiety I used to feel about her being with Peter has really gotten easier for me.
She did get home by about 8pm and by 10pm we were behind closed doors for the night. While I cannot remember exactly everything that went on she did teased me quite a bit, telling me again that I'd have to be gentle with her as Peter ‘really wanted her’ that night.
I remember being quite aroused as she let me undress her. She now knows I am so turned on by her and Peter that she will make comments about how Peter did this or that to her. As I slid her panties off she again told me how I'd need to be a bit gentle with her and several times she teasingly asked me something like ‘are you ready to have a turn in Peter’s pussy?’ She's starting to call it ‘Peter’s pussy’ on Wednesdays' and Thursdays now.
I asked her about why she let Peter go for thirds last week and she just said, "it’s his pussy on Thursdays" and that she said she really liked how SHE felt knowing he really wanted to try for a 3rd time that night.
She did get on her hands and knees and it was VERY intense to see her in that position with her ass up in the air and her pussy just sort of being so open like that. I can't really describe all the feelings I had when I let myself think that it was Peter fucking her for probably hours that left her that way.
She was very clean and as we started getting amorous I told her she smelled nice and she just said very casually that she and Peter had showered before they left. Just like that, almost no concern in her voice, just like it's a normal thing for her now. Even now just thinking about that is such a turn-on; thinking about him soaping her up and washing her; her doing the same to him!
After we'd fucked and I finally came in her she just laid there naked on the bed (actually both nights, Thursday and Friday). I knew this was how she was with Peter too. I looked down at her and thought that it was obvious why they would be showering together especially if he'd cum in her twice. We were both pretty messy from just once even though she started passively. By the end of our times together she was just as into it as I was, equally sweaty and equally out of breath.
Last night we didn't fuck though, we were out to dinner and didn't get home till late and we were both full and tired.
Now the thing that she'd mentioned about Thursday nights is that Peter said that they may have to either change nights or they may have to change when or how they get together. She said that it's not so much that his wife is getting suspicious but more that Peter feels that they should change things before she does. He wants to tell his wife that this project is coming to an end soon and he wants to figure out what they'll do.
I was very supportive and told Suzanna she can pick another night and it'd be okay or that they can try to figure out something else. I told her that if she really still wants to be with him, that we'd figure out something.
She smiled at that and then asked me if I would be okay if she and Peter had a few ‘quickies’ until they figured out what would work. I didn't understand what she meant until she explained that with the IUD now they don't need to take so long (no diaphragm to deal with). She hesitated when she asked me (wanting to be sure I'd be okay I guess) “If me and Peter have a ‘quick fuck’ at lunch or maybe just something quick after work for a while”. I was more taken aback by her using ‘fuck’ but ignored that and asked her if this would always be on Thursdays and she shook her head and said, "Probably not".
It took me a minute to think about all of this. I asked her would this mean I would no longer know about this ahead of time and she smiled and said, "No, you'll just have to be surprised".
When I thought more about that, not knowing when she comes home whether they were together that day, it seemed to turn me on and I told her, “Okay; we can see how this will work out.” She said that they would still meet for probably the next 2 weeks but after she has her next period that would probably be when they would change.
I didn't ask what that meant about Wednesday nights; I'm not sure I want to ask that just yet but it may come up tonight or, rather, this afternoon as both kids will be out this afternoon and she's already hinted that she wants me later and that we can be noisy when they're not around!
So, that brings the journal up to date. Sorry it's not more exciting but she seemed to want to make sure I would be okay with her/their thoughts about the future when we were together Thursday and Friday nights.
I actually like the idea but I didn't really say it to her that way as I want to see her come to her own conclusions. To me, this may be the first step towards her being a bit more spontaneous and maybe even a bit more promiscuous in the future, both things I've wanted to see her actually wanting for herself.
******
Time to start another book
******
Last night when I got home she told me of her doctor’s visit. She said that while she had been uncomfortable with the procedure she didn't have any of the problems she'd read about (cramps and stuff). I asked her when we could test it out! She said that because she's mid-cycle that she needs to use some other birth control for at least a few (3-4) days to be sure everything is okay and that's also how long it takes before it starts to work.
Then she tells me she can't use the diaphragm either for another day or so as everything ‘inside’ is irritated (she later told me that whatever they used to dilate her cervix left her "swollen" and it won't fit) and that it's a common result of the procedure that goes away in 12-24 hours usually.
We were both still very horny and she was into teasing me again too. After dinner last night we were upstairs and she was sorting laundry and she held up her panties from Thursday night and called for me and said, "I think these are dirty, don't you?". Later on, when she told me of her ‘swollen’ problem she reminded me that we had some condoms in the bathroom from when she went to Boston. That was okay with me as I thought I was going to have to settle for us not fucking.
When things started to get hot and horny last night she'd been teasing me about how Peter likes certain positions or telling me other stuff. Without spermicide in her I could really enjoy licking her pussy and that was a great thought for the future! She teased me and asked (although she knew I couldn't) if I could still taste Peter in her and then she continued by telling me that she thinks she's going to enjoy not having to ‘prepare’ for sex! It was when we were about to fuck though that she really got to me and said, "You need to put a condom on just like Bill had to when I was up in Boston last summer.”
What a turn-on to hear that, I hadn't thought back to that time in a while now and her saying that brought back a lot of things. As I knelt on the bed and opened the foil package I thought to how I felt back then and how Bill must have felt at that moment.
She recognized that it turned me on and teased me more about having to use a condom for the next day or so. Just the way she was teasing me was so erotic; she'd ask me if I had pictured them doing this or that and her teasing took me in yet another whole direction.
Normally I hate using condoms but last night it didn't matter. With the way we were connecting it was a total turn-on and we fucked for what felt like hours. I know she came several times reacting to me in her pussy or to the thoughts in her own head. Eventually, even through the numbness of the condom, I finally came too.
As I slipped out of her she let out that giggle again. I asked what was so funny and she answered, "... it turned you on to think about Bill AND Peter didn't it?" I smiled but didn't answer; she already knew.
We cleaned up and drifted off to sleep.
******
I'll be honest here and will say that the idea of Peter riding her bareback does turn me on. I was in the shower and when thought about it and damn if I didn't get a wicked hard-on.
By the same token, I'm not sure that I want Suzanna to know that this is a turn-on for me to think about. I'm just not sure that I want her thinking that way despite that it might be a nice gesture.
I am reminded about a conversation we had a long time ago about her first boyfriend who took her virginity. She was actually on the pill before she was having sex as her doctor prescribed it to regulate her monthly cycle. The doc told her it meant that she couldn't get pregnant but that it wasn't a license for sex. She never told her strict catholic mom that or she'd have flipped knowing her daughter was on birth control.
Anyway, she told me that Joe (I think that was his name) was thrilled that he didn't have to use a condom that first time. She said it hadn’t been a great experience and that it had hurt a bit and made her think about all sorts of stuff but that she did and always will remember him and have a special place in her heart for him. When we started talking about her fucking other guys, she came out and said that if Joe did come back around, that she would probably fuck him what with him being the first guy in her and the first guy to cum in her. She said she would probably always let him have her.
I understood what she was saying. If my first girlfriend who let me blast inside her showed up then I too would want to give it a shot for old-times.
Where I'm going with all of this is that I am concerned that if I suggest this and she does go for it, that it will cement Peter in a similar place in her heart.
To be very honest, I'm actually a bit scared that if I show her that I am, in any way, enjoying the whole ‘me in a condom and Peter not’ that it may become something she will look to do in the future. She's very aware of what I enjoy in terms of her teasing me to enhance our time together; I'm a little concerned that she may add the ‘me using a condom’ thing to her repertoire and ask it of me in the future.
I honestly hate condoms as I just don't get off as well in them but the whole symbolism thing of what they mean if I use them and Peter doesn't is absolutely a turn-on. Basically that thought and arousal pretty much convinces me that I am definitely a cuckold inside. I mean I have surely masturbated to these types of stories before but I don't think, even subconsciously, I ever wanted to be in one for real.
I don't think Suzanna likes condoms at all though so that may be a saving grace for me as even these past 2 nights she hasn't seemed happy about using them. However, if she sees that I get some enjoyment, even though it may be a mental and not physical, it could change how she sees them. Right now she only sees them as a diaphragm-alternative, not with any sort of sexual stimulation thing for me on their own.
I'm rambling on but I'm not sure what I should think or do here. I love the excitement that this whole line of thought is doing to me but I'm not sure how to bring it up in such a way that I can find out what she's thinking/feeling without having her change how she feels about it.
She did let me put my fingers in her vagina last night though; she felt okay enough for that. She asked if I could feel the 2 strings (more like fishing line) that come out of her cervix and are attached to the IUD. She told me that's how she knows it in the right place and also how the doctor can remove it if needed. I could feel them and she said that if everything is okay after a week or 2 that her doctor can trim them back as by then everything should be okay for the longer term. That was both weird and exciting; feeling that inside her, knowing what it meant.
*******
I don't know if I can come out and say about the bareback thing to her just yet; maybe later tonight after some wine but what I did say earlier this afternoon when we had some alone-time and were kissing and stuff was, "there are still a few more condoms if you are still not ready for the diaphragm."
She hugged me and said, "That’s so sweet that you are thinking about me,” but that was all.
I'm a bit scared to come out and say it. I mean it's something I just need to be sure I want to say as I don't think there will be a way to take it back afterwards. On the one hand I would like her to think and want for me to use condoms as she does know it would just drive me crazy with desire and arousal. On the other hand part of me is concerned about what it could mean if she were to want it for I don't know how I would deal with that if it got out of hand or became something more than just these next few days.
I know we're in a good place right now so I'm reluctant to change things especially not knowing what's going to happen with her anyway. The other thing I think about is that circumstances like this don't happen often when timing, moods, feelings, the stars, the moon and whatever else line up just so. It almost seems like fate in some ways.
We're cooking dinner together and it'll be ready shortly so I'm going to go consider things over some wine before dinner.
Wish me luck.
******
Last night Suzanna really appreciated my being agreeable to using a condom again. She even had a little fun calling me Bill and playing up, "how nice it is to see you again". That really got me going.
I only raised the subject of Joe, her very first boyfriend, in the context of ‘firsts’, of having a special place in her. In other teasing and conversation I asked her if Peter was looking forward to the ‘new you’. She blushed and said yes.
I wasn't really thinking clearly (or was I?) when I said something about him being a reason for the IUD in the first place. Suzanna told me that she liked the idea after her doctor was so positive about it and then said she surely won't miss the spermicide cream. I smiled at that and said, "neither will I."
I did ask her earlier this afternoon how she felt ‘down-there’. She smiled and said she was pretty sure everything was better. I then asked her if the 4-days were enough and she said that's what the doctor had told and then added, "I hope so".
I have maybe 3 more hours to decide. I may not have to reveal my fantasy about using condoms since I can say I'm worried about the 4-days or that I want to be sure she's really-okay and ready. That may buy me another day, however, I will only be putting this off till tomorrow at best.
I'm thinking I may just tell her I liked the idea of saying it'd be part-time on agreement with both of us or something like that.
All I know is that I have this rock hard boner just typing this.
******
When I got home and over dinner I hinted around about tonight and got clear signs she was still horny and so I asked her both if she was ready and whether she was sure enough time had passed by. I did it in passing conversation, not as the centre of what we were talking about, and I wasn't even sure if she'd heard me. I just know that I was still undecided.
We said goodnight to our son about 10pm and headed up to our bedroom. I won't say there was a tension between us but there was definitely something in the air so to speak. When we got into bed finally and started kissing and stuff she brought it up. She said again, "thanks for being so considerate". I kept quiet and just kept up the making-out and I told her it was no big deal and that I just wanted to be sure she was okay and things like that.
As we started to get into it a bit more she said something like, "...the doctor did say 4 or 5 days...” I could tell she was sort of tense too so I just asked, "what's wrong?" and she just said it was nothing and she was just thinking out loud.
Now maybe it was my mind playing with me but it just seemed to me that she wasn't all there, like her mind was elsewhere. To be honest, mine was too. I mean she was so wet and ready and I knew I could just have her just like that finally again after 14 years since she was on the pill. Yet I also knew that I wanted something else.
So it really came down to those few minutes. This morning I'm looking back and realizing how big that time was last night. I guess I'm finally okay with accepting that I want to be a cuckold. I think I had ridden the fence a long time; this seemed like it just fell into place and I know that in those few moments last night, I let myself accept what I wanted.
I played hero and said, "look, if you're still worried" - it took her a second to understand what I was saying. She then did the whole, "I couldn't ask you again, I feel bad enough" speech.
As I said, I now realize that at that moment I knew exactly what I wanted. I think I surprised her by asking about whether she was still keeping Wednesdays to herself and she just nodded and said, "hopefully" with this shy questioning look that I could not lie to.
And that was it, I just said, 'I'll be okay" and then after a pause just loud enough to be heard, "it kind of turns-me on if that's what you want tonight".
It took her a moment to think about what I meant. She said, "You know it's not like that; it's not that I don't want you".
I looked at her and said something like that may be what she's telling herself but I ‘knew’ there was more to it. That's when I said, "Anyway, that's what turns-me on".
I didn't know if she would realize all of what I had said and implied until she said, "you know what you are saying, that Peter..." and I cut her off and just said, "Yes, I know what it means". Again, maybe it's me but I swear I saw a smile and a certain look on her face at that moment.
She didn't tease me at all after that. Matter of fact, it was quite a passionate love-making session. Neither of us said anything else about that part of our fucking; no comment about the condom or what I thought was a lot of cum (for me) in it when we were done. It was just very passionate and very loving. Sometimes I'll be up on my elbows or have my arms fully extended when I'm on top of her but last night she wanted me close and wrapped herself around me as we both orgasmed. All she said as she got out of bed to get us a washcloth was, "Thank you. I love you".
And that was it. It's now almost 12 hours later and I am still turned-on and have a wicked hard-on writing this thinking about what I've done. She still hasn't said anything else to me about it. All I can think about is how I'm going to have to keep my hands off her tonight and what a struggle that will be. I am SURE that there will be some more talking tonight.
I feel good that I let it be her choice and that she got the courage and strength up to let herself say it even if she told herself that wasn't the real reason. I'm okay with that and I feel good that I finally said what I was thinking and that she was good with that too.
*******
When I reached down and felt her last night, knowing she was ready to be fucked and knowing how wet she was, and that, as I said, it would be a first in like 14 years to do it safely without diaphragm/spermicide.
I guess you can call me a true cuckold for this want and desire but at that moment, and I know it's crazy, but it just seemed to be an incredible rush and turn-on to admit at that moment to myself that I wanted Peter to have her first like that.
I think part of me was of the mindset that this is something special and exciting for us both and that in a strange way I wanted it to be even more exciting for Suzanna to have her feel that nervousness, that anxiety and, yes, that desire to have Peter fuck her first.
I guess in a way I'm hoping that she'll start to want this for herself when she sees and experiences something like this.
Crazy, I know.
******
Suzanna seemed quite happy this morning. I do hope she is in the mood to talk about it tonight as now that the cat is out of the bag I do want her to tell me how and what she is feeling and thinking both about what I told her, what she thinks about me and what she thinks about Peter. I’m also very turned on thinking about what she may tell Peter and what he thinks about it too.
******
It was strangely quiet sex-wise this evening compared to the past few days. A thought came to mind that Suzanna had always said ‘no’ to Wednesday nights because of the whole diaphragm/spermicide stuff she'd have in her for like 48 hours straight if we had sex. So I realized that in what I'd said last night I'd already changed over to accepting Wednesday's new status as just her not wanting me and wanting to be ready for Peter tomorrow night.
That thought struck me in that it made me realize that she is starting to want things sexually for herself and not just for me. What a turn-on to see happening. All night long until the kids were gone I just thought about what I'd set into motion and how she seemed very happy. Once we were in the bedroom she started the conversation by right out asking me if I was serious what I'd said about last night and being aroused by using a condom with her.
I wasn't really ready for this just then and I tried to find the right words. I finally told her that it wasn't so much the condom that turned me on but it was using it because I was turned on by what it meant would happen. I said it, "that Peter would have you first".
From there we just went in every direction. She came out and admitted that it too turned her on both that I wanted it for her but also that she felt so wild and aroused by her desire to have the first time with Peter. She made it quite clear at one point when she said something about being surprised that, "my first time with just the IUD for protection will be with Peter and to know that it is also what you want too".
She looked down at one point and saw my cock as it is now bulging out of my sweatpants and she smiled and asked, "is that because of what Peter is going to get and you're not?"
Damn, I nearly came just from hearing her say that but as sexy and erotic as she was there was one point where I said something about, “... hoping I'm not going to lose you.” At that moment there was a sudden change in her whole persona. She went from sexy and erotic to dead serious. She held my head and face in her hands and just said how much she loved me and she repeated that her enjoyment depends on mine. She said she appreciated knowing that I am liking all of this and that I'm okay with going further because she did want to, very much so. She then it quite clear that if I wasn't happy with this, or better, if I'm not aroused sexually about it, that she would stop wanting it herself as she would never feel right about it otherwise.
You would have to know Suzanna to understand how serious she was and I simply do not doubt her. I told her as we kissed that this is something we're doing together and as long as we're both enjoying it, that we should go on.
I did not bring up Joe but from what she said to me and from what I've said to her, I no longer question that she would surely have sex with him. My theory on that is that the men who are partners with women when they have their ‘first times’ are ones who earn special consideration in the future.
I know it works that way as, before Suzanna and I were together I happened to meet up with my old high-school girlfriend. We had been each other’s ‘firsts’ and despite her involvement with another guy it was effortless for me to get her into bed and into her panties.
I'm thinking that Peter will be one of Suzanna's ‘firsts’; the first guy to cum in her in 14 years without a diaphragm and spermicide. I'm not sure why that turns me on but it does.
I told Suzanna I would try to hold off until she gets home tomorrow night. She smiled and said that would be ‘very sweet.’
I don't believe Suzanna likes or enjoys using condoms and we have (and she has) only used them out of necessity. However, I will admit that in my fantasy-ridden mind a request from her for me to use a condom with her, for any made-up reason, if done correctly could be arousing.
Is there a symbolism regarding Peter having greater claim on her pussy? I think that concept might be lost on her but it is an arousing thought. I mean in some ways I am ‘giving’ her to him but I could only go along with that in the realm of sexual enjoyment and just for that moment, not as anything beyond. I think Suzanna wouldn’t want that either despite what may be in her heart.
At this point, I believe I'm ready to accept whatever she might want. She’s already admitted to wanting Peter to be the ‘first’ and that was incredibly arousing to hear. It was also telling me that she is wanting things for herself which I'm happy to do as long as we're open with each other and not hiding anything. Since I made this admission to her, I feel as if a weight is off my shoulders and it just seems easier to say, "This is what turns me on" and that's it.
******
It feels really good to finally just come out and admit to Suzanna what I was thinking. I do think I underestimated her in some ways in her ability to understand me more than I thought.
It just seemed to me like the almost perfect situation to encourage. Even this morning as I kissed her when she left for work, she smiled and hugged me and told me how lucky she is. She then added that I, "had better be ready for later".
I guess for me right now it's just something that I did and will just have to live with; to me, knowing what's going to happen later is extremely hot. I had thought today that I would have regrets or second thoughts but instead I almost feel better about it than yesterday.
The idea that I could make tonight more exciting for us all just seemed like the right thing to do.
It seems like this is all happening so easily and almost effortlessly but I think and feel that is much more of Suzanna's doings than mine. She seems to genuinely understand what turns me on and I guess that must reflect something positive about how we are together.
Now I'm just hoping the day goes by quickly and that she isn't too late tonight.
*****
Last night was our no-sex night but this time it wasn't because of the whole 48-hour diaphragm usage thing, no, this time it was because she knew it turned me on to have to wait for her.
Tonight and it's now 7:30pm. I am SURE that Peter has already put the IUD to the test and that Suzanna has undoubtedly had orgasm after orgasm. When she does finally come home - hopefully within the next hour - it will also be the first time in 14 years that she will not have used spermicide when a guy has cum inside her. I cannot wait to experience that with her later.
Meanwhile I am trying to hide the evidence of my perpetual hard-on from my kids and am trying to avoid getting over-stimulated to keep myself on edge until later tonight.
I am not sure where all this will now lead for my openness and confession of more of the depths of my cuckold desires are a concern but the excitement of it all makes that pale in comparison.
That I should be much more of a part of their time together has the potential to be a recipe for disaster for us but I don't feel that way right now. I do genuinely believe that Suzanna is being honest with me when she says that it is just sex and that there isn't much more than that between them. I guess time will tell.
******
She didn't get home until well after 8pm on Thursday and I was on the edge all night until I dragged her up to the bedroom about 10pm after we said goodnight to our son. She told me that they both met at their usual no-tell motel. Peter was there already when she got there. She asked me if I wanted to hear all the details and all I could say was, "definitely".
Peter was very surprised by what Suzanna told him I'd done. She said he actually felt honoured and, as I'd hoped, she couldn't contain her excitement and it was clear to me as she told me what happened that I'd done the right thing. For the first time I actually felt like she was telling me what she wanted to tell me instead of what I wanted to hear! That turned me on so much.
She said they got naked and he eagerly went down on her. For the first time I cringed as she told me that he would fuck her a bit and then go back to going down on her. I remembered being able to do that with her back when she was on the pill and I was VERY envious of Peter enjoying that moment with her.
I no longer really fear telling her that hearing these things really turns me on.
She said that feeling him without spermicide in her was incredibly arousing and that was only topped by when he did finally cum inside her. The look in her eyes as she told me that said it all. She said she'd also not realized what a worry about him being in her without any contraception had been before and with that thought how she seemed to orgasm so much more easily.
He asked her several times whether I had really not ‘had her’ yet. Each time she said, "no, he wanted you to be the first" and he would just start fucking her more and more and harder and harder.
I felt my excitement building as she told me how she was on her back as he was in her and he said he was getting close. She said she held him tightly as he moaned and I nearly came without touching myself when she told me that as they were kissing she felt him finally climax and that she was right there and orgasmed with him; just from how much she could feel from him; how she could feel his body in her and next to her and how she could feel his warmth spreading inside her.
That was it, I eagerly went down on her after hearing that. She knew to expect that as this was a first for me, of not having to deal with spermicide and such. I didn't mind Peter's cum in her and being able to feel and taste what was left pushed me right to the edge.
When I could stand it no longer I pulled up onto my knees and eased my own cock into her now wet and open pussy. She just said to me, "it's your turn now" and that was it. I just started to fuck her like crazy as deep as I could go. She was so open and not so much creamy inside but VERY wet. A moment later I just let loose in her.
We talked a lot last night and, my god, did she tease me last night before we fucked again. Suffice to say that right now, Saturday morning, my cock is thoroughly drained for sure.
******
Her answer to me when I asked her how she felt with him, whether she felt closer to him or whether she was more excited or anything like that, gave me such an intense rush and wild combination of feelings. She told me that she felt, in many ways, like a virgin and very much like she did her very first time. She didn't say it was Joe but I knew what she meant. She said she felt so alive and so so sensitive. I told her that I too hadn't realized just how numbing the spermicide had been.
I was so excited hearing all of this and my response was obvious by how turned on and hard I'd get as she'd tell me this. She knew I wanted to be teased a lot on Friday too and, my god, did she seem to enjoy it. I can't remember in what order or whatever but during our foreplay last night she enjoyed telling me all sorts of stuff.
She told me how she could feel so much more of Peter's cock; she described how she could feel every vein and ridge; how she could feel him so much when he was deep in her too; how when he was deep in her and he'd be close to cumming that she could feel him swelling up - something I KNOW she loves - and getting thicker before he'd cum in her.
Last night she showed me the position they were in when he came in her the first time. I love this position; her knees bent all the way with her thighs against her calves, and then pushing back and out on her legs. However she is shaped inside, that's the position that is just the most intense. She said a lot of times with the diaphragm in her she couldn't get comfortable like that but now that she was able to let Peter really have her and that she felt like he was opening her up and crawling inside. Like I said, I'd enjoyed that position many times and when she told me that was how she was when he squirted I was both incredibly excited to the point of something like spontaneous combustion but I also felt this ache that I knew was going to come with it. She had given something to Peter that I just had some second thoughts about. That position for her (and me) I know that her whole body is just like waiting at the edge of orgasm and as soon as I, and now Peter, cum in her it is like the most intense climax.
******
Now, a day later, I have to say that it is an incredible turn-on to even think about it. I'm glad I did what I did that I gave her something that was very special for her. It is so fucking arousing just to even see her walking around the house knowing what she's doing with Peter.
She said she stayed naked with him the entire time and the entire time he would just push his cock into her whenever he wanted. She loved it; loved the feeling of not having the spermicide and stuff all over. It killed me when she said she loved that she could suck him any time and did so many times.
I had to know, to ask, how many times did he manage to cum in her? She was quiet and then said quietly, “3 times,” and then, “But I don’t think he ‘came’ much the last time.” The first time he was on top of her in my favourite position (the position I was in when I got her pregnant which turned me on to think about). The second was with him behind her as they watched a dirty movie on TV. She said she could feel SO much more in that position than ever before. All I could think of was him behind her giving her a few swats on the ass as he fucked her!
She said the last time was very special. He told her that he was very touched by what she'd and I'd done and she said it was one of those moments where they just lay there. She really poured it on telling me how they were so close, hugging, kissing, caressing ; her holding her legs back for him and him deep in her for what she said felt like forever. She said she didn't cum from that but that it felt almost as good feeling him like that. She let him pump away until he said he'd cum and then they just kept on hugging and kissing.
Now I know she deliberately laid on the last part for I'd told her that’s what I wanted her to do; to tell me every detail of last night and, my god, she did. After she finished telling me everything and we got to fucking, I held her closely and as we kissed she told me again how that was the very position again that Peter was with her. Feeling her against me like that and knowing Peter had felt the exact same thing the night before just filled me with such an intense erotic feeling that I just started to really fuck her deeply and more and more firmly. She kept it going telling me how Peter would hold her ass and pull himself into her more and more.
I can't even remember some of what she said because a moment later I just exploded in her. I mean it scared even me at how intense an orgasm it was it was, just like hot lava shooting out of me and I can't recall cumming that much in ages either.
The moments after that, when I realized she too had really climaxed at the same time, were just so tender and loving. I think she was even crying on my shoulder at one point as she told me she loved me. That moment was just so incredible after what had been.
Today we've teased each other a bit and such but we both seem to really want time later tonight.
******
I have not really asked Suzanna much about Peter’s family other than to know that he has at least one kid who is maybe a year old around now or something like that. We discussed this when she first started seeing him and from what I can see Suzanna is just a fuck-buddy and I'm okay with that.
I do know from past discussions and from yesterday and today that they do say they love each other to each other. That did bother me at first but I have come to understand that it is within their time together that they feel that way. I do know Suzanna has come to care a lot about Peter; not to the point of my being worried about losing her to him but in the sense that she does feel safe and VERY comfortable with him. I do not know to what degree he feels towards Suzanna but I don’t see them on the phone or swapping email either so I just don't think she is a threat to their marriage either.
I do know that it's going to have to change, grow or end in the future though. Work projects end and I am not sure how long Peter can keep this up with his wife. I do fear the day should she find out, but again, that is his doing.
Suzanna has indicated that she would feel terrible if that happened but she has also said that since our relationship has gone this route that she has less issues about extramarital sex. About 10 years ago a family down our street broke apart because the husband flipped out when he found his wife was fucking another guy. We heard this second-hand with some degree of accuracy but thought that it wasn't anything more than just what Suzanna is doing, enjoying a bit of time with someone else. This was before we had seriously started to open our own relationship up but she remembered my sentiments at the time that I had said that as long as it wasn't anything ‘serious’ that I wouldn't have split up or anything like that. She now looks back and recognises that I had this attitude way back then; now she looks back and also agrees with me in the same way.
We talked today about whether I enjoyed last night, her teasing and the other things she said and did. I knew she really just wanted to confirm that I was still okay as she clearly knew I had enjoyed it. I told her that providing I had the moments like we had together at the end that I would be okay with almost anything they would do. She had a big smile on her face hearing that.
I know that a lot of people might say, "This is too good to be true" for this to be working like this with her first real fuck-buddy and all but I know that this is really just because we waited almost 15 years to even discuss starting this; that we have always been open to talk about everything. I can look at her and know what she's thinking and we both can answer each other’s sentences. Our kids think we practice together because we each say the same things in the same way to them. When we met I wasn't particularly looking to find someone; we started as friends and it grew from there.
In a way it does bother me to go against conventions. I mean I think every guy has it in his mind that his wife is his and his alone for that's the way we were all programmed by our parents. Knowing she spreads her legs for Peter and knowing that during those few hours each week she is his, all his, it does bother me if I focus on that side of it but when I let myself focus on the fun and pleasure and excitement that Suzanna gets out of it and when I think of how aroused I am and the type of physical intense sex we have when she comes home, it makes it all worthwhile.
I do hope she feels encouraged to do more. I have other fantasies as most cuckolds (and I definitely am one) and I can think of some pretty wild fantasies of my wife doing all sorts of things. However, the biggest question I continue to ponder about is how far and to where that line between fantasy and reality moves.
******
Suzanna is definitely gaining confidence in her teasing me. Last night she said, "come here and have some of Peter's pussy!" or something of that nature. She continued by telling me that I would have to ‘be good’ tonight so that she can be ready for Peter tomorrow night. She made many other comments including several about enjoying how Peter feels when he cums in her. At one point she said how he likes to hold her tight as he just about to cum. That erotic thought almost got me off. At one point she told me to look down and to think that Peter gets to see the same thing, of his cock sliding into her instead of mine.
To be honest, I was loving it. She told me how she can't wait to be naked with him and a lot of other stuff that drove me crazy. I went over the edge when she said, "I like that he can usually cum twice".
She knew I was okay with it last night. After we were done she just laid there, legs casually spread apart and with our combined juices clearly visible. I was next to her, catching my breath as she said, "Peter and I like lying together like this too". I rolled up onto one arm and looked over her and thought about her lying next to him. I looked at her pussy and she smiled and said, "he likes looking there too!” I couldn't really believe this because surely less than 12 months ago she was just not comfortable lying like that all ******* and, well, all used!
I rolled towards her and held her closely as we kissed and she said she loved me. Moments like that are just the ones to live for.
******
This morning she spent quite a lot of time naked as she picked out sexy undies and clothes for today. She said many things to me including how much Peter likes the bra and panty set she put on.
Since my ‘admission’ of the extent of my cuckold desires to her, I am finding myself much more at ease with her teasing and denial. She now understands that Wednesdays are pleasurable to me and she seems to want to talk and tease me more and more.
******
It's about 7:45pm. The kids are doing their thing downstairs and I'm sitting in our office upstairs waiting for Suzanna to return.
It's moments like this when my mind wanders to what she may be doing and does my cock ever respond to those nasty thoughts. One of these thoughts is that it must be nice to be younger like Peter and able to cum multiple times in an evening. I do remember those days but not in the past 10 years or so.
I just had The wicked thought that if he did her 3 times last Thursday and if he does her 3 times tonight he'll actually have fucked her more times than I have or, more correctly, he'll have cum in her more times than I have since she went on the IUD. Just makes me want her all that much more tonight.
She promised me one night she'll write me an Email or a note with ‘her version’ of everything they do on their evenings together. She said then I'll be able to read that on Wednesday nights to keep myself satisfied! I need to push her to do it for she's terrible with Email, maybe checks every few days and writes even less.
******
Suzanna didn't get home till quite late if I remember exactly right. I do remember that when we did finally get behind closed doors that she asked me to be gentle with her and plainly told me that Peter had, as she put it, "used her a lot". I will probably never forget her telling me how he said he wanted to try for three-times again and how she said he took forever for the 3rd time.
That thought still sits in my head. She said she'd cum enough already but that he really wanted it so she said she just let him fuck her until he finally came the last time. I don't know why that arouses me even now a week later but it still does. She said she was a bit sore from him taking so long and the way she said it was just such as way that it drove me crazy thinking about it.
She did let me have her that night and it was probably in my head but I swear her pussy felt different, hotter and wetter. It was certainly a much darker pink/red than its normal colour.
She knew it turned me on too. She made comments about, "hoping I wouldn't take as long as Peter". Needless to say, I didn't. I don't think she orgasmed with me that night but I do know that we felt very close afterwards.
******
Last weekend found us both feeling under the weather so it wasn't a very ‘hot weekend’. we did find time on Sunday but it was more love-making than anything else. I don't recall Monday, but I don't think we were very amorous.
Tuesday and I'm sorry to sound greedy but I don't like to miss Tuesday nights since she is still sticking to her ‘get ready for Peter’ Wednesdays. We seemed to be over whatever sneezing/coughing/sniffling thing we'd had over the weekend and Tuesday night sort of picked back up where we'd left off. She teased me a lot and at one point after she'd sucked me a bit. I went to get on top of her but she held her legs tightly shut and started to say, "No, not tonight". At first I thought she was serious and, my god, did it get me going. She teased that she really wanted to be horny for Peter and wanted to see how 2 days would be and how she'd be on Thursday.
She drove me crazy with her teasing and at one point she said I should probably jerk-off because she really wanted to wait for Peter. I asked her if she'd suck me off and she said that maybe she'd help me out at the end (she'll do that sometimes, have me jerk-off till I'm just about to cum and then she'll finish me off with her mouth) and she said, "maybe" as I started stroking myself.
I didn't really think about it at the time that I'd just given in to her request but as she said ‘maybe’ she gave it away that she wasn't serious and her face turned to a huge smile when she saw how horny I was. She pulled her knees back for me and with a smile on her face,again said, "maybe ..... maybe one day we'll do that but tonight, I want you".
That was incredibly hot. I saw a side of her that surprised me and also turned me on incredibly. She knew I was still all turned on and feeling horny on Wednesday and in bed before we went to sleep we kissed a bunch and stuff and she didn't say much but I knew she was horny and that she was horny for Peter. It felt good that night. I remember holding her in my arm next to me as I felt her start to fall asleep; I could feel how hot she was with just the 2 thin layers of cotton between us.
Yesterday morning was a blur as one of our kids missed the bus and I ran them over to school. Suzanna was already ready to go to work when I got back. She looked beautiful in a nice blouse and long skirt. I knew she'd have knee-highs on underneath and as I kissed her and grabbed her ass I could feel a pair of high-cut panties underneath and nothing else. She had on a camisole over her bra which I knew was one of the lacy sort of see-through ones.
That was it, a kiss and she was gone and I would have to wait until late when she came home to see her again.
I cannot describe the look on her face, it was one of just pure pleasure and satisfaction; a deep relaxed look in her eyes; the constant smile; cheeks all rosy and her hair tossed back. The kids seem to be used to her coming home later on the past few Thursdays as her explanation to them is that she goes out after work with friends for drinks and such. They don't ask, but I do!
Our daughter went to bed early not long after Suzanna came home and our son was busy so we were able to go to the bedroom ourselves. As we went in she sat me on the bed and said, "You’re not getting me now; later, yes, but not now."
She unbuttoned her blouse and I saw that she only had the camisole beneath. She slipped that off and I could have just stared at her all night. Her breasts seemed even more beautiful than usual. They seemed as if they had swollen up as if they were proud or something. I could see they were still reddened and the thoughts of knowing Peter had his hands and mouth all over her just turned me on.
She unzipped her skirt and stepped out of it. Sure enough she was wearing lacy white panties that matched the bra that was probably in her purse.
I didn't smell much sex-wise on her so I guessed that they'd washed up or showered together before she'd come home. There was no wet spot in her panties or any other outward signs of sex but she KNEW I was intently looking or eveidence. She walked right in front of me naked with just her thigh-highs on and pulled out a new pair of panties (granny-panties) before turning to sit next to me. At that point we lay back and started kissing. I ran my hands all over her but she pulled them away from her panties.
I didn’t persist but settled for touching her breasts and we kissed a bit more until she said she wanted to get something to eat and say good night to our son. She put on baggie sweatpants and shirt and we went back downstairs as I tried to hide my hard-on.
It was only at 10pm when we came back up for the night that she told me of her evening. How he'd gotten there at 4:30pm having left work early and how she didn't get there until a little after 5pm.
I was a bit distracted by her nakedness to remember but she said that they'd gotten naked almost immediately and she made it a point to tell me again how she loved being naked with him. She told me more of what they do together too of how she will tell him that he can have ‘his pussy’ now and how he tells her when they are together that she is his. She says that's why she likes being naked with him because it does make her feel like she is his and it is he who wants her naked.
She told me that sometimes he will ask her to sit ‘Indian style’ or lie in such a way that she is fully ******* to him. As I ran my hands over her body she said it used to feel weird sitting like that knowing how ‘open’ she was. (She's telling me this not a foot from my face as she's kissing my chest and I have my hands all over her). She then gave me a look to make sure I was okay with what she was about to say and then said, “Now I feel nothing but love now sitting there like that.”
As she said that she let me run my fingers up through her pussy and I could feel how hot she still was inside.
I guess I must be a true cuckold because at that moment I absolutely loving hearing those words; hearing her say how much she loves being sexual with Peter and at that moment feeling her swollen pussy and feeling how hot and wet she was inside. I felt nothing but love for her at that moment; loving that she felt so good about what she was doing and feeling and that she was able to share it with me.
She told me how he got on top of her and she willingly and even eagerly pulled her legs back for him. "I made him use some lubricant this time," she added and that just drove me crazy too.
I don't remember too much of specifics after hearing that but I was rock hard and by the time she let me in her, very horny! She told me how he'd cum in her twice and a bunch of other stuff. When she told me they showered together afterwards, that was when I just exploded in her!
This morning and I'm working from home for a while and need to do some ‘real work’. Just writing this has gotten me all started up and eager for tonight.
She's already told me she's due for her period in the next few days or so so I'm not going to miss any chances I have.
******
While Peter and I are similar in build/stature, we do look different. He's got light-brown hair; mine is dark, almost black. He's got different eyes and nose and I mused that his kids would look different too if Suzanna ever did get pregnant. Too much of a contrast given how much our two children look like us.
My son is definitely computer-savvy and he knows that I am well aware that he has a selection of porn that he enjoys but he does not use our computer just as we do not pry into his. Based on this, I suspect he'll respect boundaries. Suzanna uses a computer at work but is not really savvy and is ******* of what goes on at home. Our younger daughter is simply not into computers and she would have difficulty accessing our office computer as it is password-protected.
Despite my private pregnancy fantasy, there is just no way that either of us wants this in reality. (Suzanna is in her late 40's so there would be over 14 years between her last pregnancy.) It's simply not something that's going to happen. She IS also experiencing menopausal symptoms including hot-flushes and such so that may diminish the potential. I do seriously doubt that Suzanna would find it arousing to become pregnant. Perhaps one day I will find the courage to tell her that I do.
Had we been younger when all of this happened, perhaps there would have been a different story but then many things may have been different. I think the important part is to understand and enjoy where we are and not wonder about what would have been. I've become somewhat pragmatic about all of this since recognising and accepting my comfort with all of this.
******
It’s Thursday again, but it may be the last Thursday for Suzanna and Peter. This morning before she left she told me that Peter wanted to talk to her about Thursdays. She wasn't sure what it meant but said she'd let me know more tonight when she gets home.
We did have sex on Tuesday night. I didn't suggest that she expand her ‘no-sex before Peter’ time to include another night and she doesn't seem to want that (or at least hasn't said anything about it). While I may find that idea arousing, it's something that if she wants she is going to have to ask for, I think I'm experiencing quite enough already as it is. She did tease me a bit on Tuesday enjoying telling me about Peter being able to ‘easily cum 2 times in a night’ when she knows that for me a second time isn't the norm. Of course my first time is simply incredible so I don't feel like I'm necessarily missing out but I did get the feeling that Suzanna enjoys Peter being a bit younger and more easily going for seconds. I guess I'll find out and hear more about that tonight.
*******
Going back to Thursday night it is, as I said, actually gotten much easier on me over the past few weeks to the point where I am truly happy for Suzanna while she's out. Of course I always look forward to her coming home and to our time afterwards but some of the angst and anxiety I used to feel about her being with Peter has really gotten easier for me.
She did get home by about 8pm and by 10pm we were behind closed doors for the night. While I cannot remember exactly everything that went on she did teased me quite a bit, telling me again that I'd have to be gentle with her as Peter ‘really wanted her’ that night.
I remember being quite aroused as she let me undress her. She now knows I am so turned on by her and Peter that she will make comments about how Peter did this or that to her. As I slid her panties off she again told me how I'd need to be a bit gentle with her and several times she teasingly asked me something like ‘are you ready to have a turn in Peter’s pussy?’ She's starting to call it ‘Peter’s pussy’ on Wednesdays' and Thursdays now.
I asked her about why she let Peter go for thirds last week and she just said, "it’s his pussy on Thursdays" and that she said she really liked how SHE felt knowing he really wanted to try for a 3rd time that night.
She did get on her hands and knees and it was VERY intense to see her in that position with her ass up in the air and her pussy just sort of being so open like that. I can't really describe all the feelings I had when I let myself think that it was Peter fucking her for probably hours that left her that way.
She was very clean and as we started getting amorous I told her she smelled nice and she just said very casually that she and Peter had showered before they left. Just like that, almost no concern in her voice, just like it's a normal thing for her now. Even now just thinking about that is such a turn-on; thinking about him soaping her up and washing her; her doing the same to him!
After we'd fucked and I finally came in her she just laid there naked on the bed (actually both nights, Thursday and Friday). I knew this was how she was with Peter too. I looked down at her and thought that it was obvious why they would be showering together especially if he'd cum in her twice. We were both pretty messy from just once even though she started passively. By the end of our times together she was just as into it as I was, equally sweaty and equally out of breath.
Last night we didn't fuck though, we were out to dinner and didn't get home till late and we were both full and tired.
Now the thing that she'd mentioned about Thursday nights is that Peter said that they may have to either change nights or they may have to change when or how they get together. She said that it's not so much that his wife is getting suspicious but more that Peter feels that they should change things before she does. He wants to tell his wife that this project is coming to an end soon and he wants to figure out what they'll do.
I was very supportive and told Suzanna she can pick another night and it'd be okay or that they can try to figure out something else. I told her that if she really still wants to be with him, that we'd figure out something.
She smiled at that and then asked me if I would be okay if she and Peter had a few ‘quickies’ until they figured out what would work. I didn't understand what she meant until she explained that with the IUD now they don't need to take so long (no diaphragm to deal with). She hesitated when she asked me (wanting to be sure I'd be okay I guess) “If me and Peter have a ‘quick fuck’ at lunch or maybe just something quick after work for a while”. I was more taken aback by her using ‘fuck’ but ignored that and asked her if this would always be on Thursdays and she shook her head and said, "Probably not".
It took me a minute to think about all of this. I asked her would this mean I would no longer know about this ahead of time and she smiled and said, "No, you'll just have to be surprised".
When I thought more about that, not knowing when she comes home whether they were together that day, it seemed to turn me on and I told her, “Okay; we can see how this will work out.” She said that they would still meet for probably the next 2 weeks but after she has her next period that would probably be when they would change.
I didn't ask what that meant about Wednesday nights; I'm not sure I want to ask that just yet but it may come up tonight or, rather, this afternoon as both kids will be out this afternoon and she's already hinted that she wants me later and that we can be noisy when they're not around!
So, that brings the journal up to date. Sorry it's not more exciting but she seemed to want to make sure I would be okay with her/their thoughts about the future when we were together Thursday and Friday nights.
I actually like the idea but I didn't really say it to her that way as I want to see her come to her own conclusions. To me, this may be the first step towards her being a bit more spontaneous and maybe even a bit more promiscuous in the future, both things I've wanted to see her actually wanting for herself.
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Time to start another book
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