Looking back, I now realise that my own Mother was the first woman to Cuckold me.....

[CuckoldedByRachel]

Hi, my name is Dylan, I'm 32 years old, from London and I've been married for four years to a 28 year old Australian Cuckoldress whose name is Rachel. I love her more than I thought was possible to love anybody, ever. She is a beautiful Woman who I adore and worship. She is my life!

I would class myself as an Ultimate Cuckold. I have not had sex with Rachel for 2 years!!!!!! I am ****** to wear a birdlocked chastity device all the time, and my wife has a bull who lives with us. I'll explain more about that in a later post.

The reason for my thread is that I feel that I have come to a crossroads in my life as my wifes cuckold, and want to seek advice and opinions from people who are like myself, again, more about that later.

I'm going to post about my Past, Present and Future.

I'm going to start with my past, and try to explain why I believe a part of my childhood shaped my future life as a cuckold, and someone who is addicted to BDSM as a sub.


The Past......Pt 1

I was a happy and contented ten year old, my family consisted of my 16 year old sister Tracey, my Mum, Dad and I. We were not rich, but we were comfortable, and my Father worked hard so that it would stay that way. He was a quiet person, but when he spoke, you listened because he only ever said something that was worth saying, he was not one for small talk. He was a very demonstrative parent to me, always hugging & kissing, and offering encouragement when needed. He was always generous with his time and we would always be doing Father/Son things. In short, I respected and loved him very much.

My Mum was far more outgoing and social, we would always have people in our house, this was because of her, she liked company and would often be going to, or throwing parties. They very rarely argued, and when they did they would make an effort to not do it in front of my sister and I, but it would always be my mother that we could hear, she was the fiery one, and my Dad was always calm. She was fun to be around though, always something happening around her, she had less time for me though when compared to my Dad, and I was closer to him. A Daddies boy.

I was ******* of any real problems, and as far as I was concerned the four of us made a very happy family. Happy till he came that is.................My step-father!

Before I knew what was what, I was removed by my Mother from my family home, and taken to live in a strange place with a man that I had never met, not even once. This had a huge effect on me, my parents split and the upheaval of having to start at a new school and also living in a house where I was made to feel very unwelcome and unwanted by the man that my mother said she now loved. A man that took an instant dislike to me, not because of anything I had done, but just purely by my presence. He wanted my Mother to himself, and resented me even being in his house.

It did not take him long to express his displeasure by smacking me...........

 

[CuckoldedByRachel]

The Past........ pt2

My step-father was well off, he lived in a posh area and drove a Jag, he was loud, cocky and arrogant. He was also very popular, people liked him, found him funny, and he always seemed to be much in demand. He was out going like my Mum, and his house was the party place. I remember not liking the people at these gatherings, they were different to us, to my family and our friends. My mother seemed to be very happy and in her element. Everyone thought that my stepdad was a great guy, always flashing his money about and trying to charm people. Yes, I guess you could say he was an Alpha-male.

If I did something that he perceived to be wrong, he would grab me hard by the arm and get in my face and tell me what he thought, in a scary, yet very calm manner. He would tell me to get up to my room. I was scared of him, and that was before he ever spanked me.

He would tell my Mother that I was a spoilt feral brat, and that I was allowed to run riot, and that my Father could not have disiplined me proper, and thats why I behaved the way I did. I was a good kid, and the behavior he was talking about was just the normal stuff that ten year old boys did. My Mother would never stick up for me and always take his side, at least in front of him.

I remember the first spanking very clearly, as if it was yesterday in fact, and not 22 years ago.

Do you know what my crime was? I came into the living room and turned the T.V over to another channel, he was watching a football match and I did it without thinking, I soon realised I had made a massive mistake.

 

[CuckoldedByRachel]

The Past.....Pt 3

Again, he grabbed my arm violently and I clammed up. He got right in my face and screamed in my ear................

"Who the fuck do you think you are."

I was already crying and saying how sorry I was and that I would turn it back, he payed no attention to me. He threw me to the ground so hard that I was winded, and before I could catch my breath he had grabbed my collar and yanked me back up just as hard.

My Mother must of heard the commotion, because she came into the room and asked what the hell all the noise was about. He told her that he had, had enough of her fucking Son and with this he grabbed my chin and the top of my head and told me to get up to my room. I ran as fast as I could, and I thought that it was over. It wasn't.........As I ran up the stairs crying, he called up to me and said......

"I'll be up to sort you out in a fucking minute."

I got to my room and I remember hoping that my Mum would calm him down. I heard them talking, and him shouting and then I heard them coming up the stairs. I was scared, but I was not prepared for what was about to happen, if I had known, I would have run.

The door flew open and they were both there, I was bawling my eyes out, and hoping that my Mother would look after me...........She didn't.

He told me to take my shorts and underwear off, this did not register at first and I actually asked him why. With this he grabbed me and yanked my shorts and underpants down together, and it was then that I realised what he was going to do. I remember screaming "I'm sorry" over and over again, and saying..........."Mum please."

He bent me over his right knee, and locked my legs under his left leg so that I could not move. He then started to spank me so hard that I started screaming in both fear and pain. He was counting while he did it and I remember my mother telling him............

"Not so hard."

He counted to Ten and stopped, he lifted me on to my bed and I grabbed my shorts and underwear and pulled them up. My Mum went to help me, but he screamed at her not to and told her to get out.

As he left he said............

"When your ready to apologise you can come back downstairs."

All I did was to change the fucking channel on the T.V, and I did nothing but say sorry from the minute that I realised I had done something wrong.

When I got over the shock, the pain started to kick in and get worse. He had broken the skin and it did not take long for the bruises to show up, within a few days they were dark blue. I could not stop crying and sobbing and for the first time in my life I knew what humiliation was. I wanted to call out for my Mum but I didn't dare, I was hoping that she would come to me, but she didn't, not till much later, and by then my upset had turned to pure hatred & anger, not just towards that prick, but also towards my own Mother.

She came in and I pretended to be asleep, I knew that if I said something, it would be something hateful, so I just lay still, and she kissed me on the top of my head.

Part 4 tomorrow.

 

[chris]

You had a horrible childhood experience and maybe you need to go and see a professional councilor, although maybe writing this out is helping you already. From what you have said so far I can't give any other advise. Just remember when you get advice from people on this site you may not be getting a 'balanced' perspective, that said you will also get some great ideas and maybe some help.

Take care on your journey. x

 

[Custer Laststand]

CuckoldedByRachel,

Thank you for your articulate, well-written and compelling posts. I encourage you to continue.

—Custer

 

[brissypair]

Later

I hope you have sorted that coward out now!

 

[Mickle]

Thank you for your concise post, I hope you will post more to bring us up to the present time.

Thank you

 

[CuckoldedByRachel]

The Past..........Pt 4

The next morning my mother woke me up with pancakes (MY Fav) It was a school day, and yet she had not woken me to get ready for school. I think this was because she didn't want me to wake up till he had gone to work, and also she may have been scared that if I went to school I would be so upset that I would have told my teacher what had happened.

This was not a case of a parent smacking a child for being naughty, this was something that he would undoubtedly have been arrested for. It was a full grown, large man, assaulting a 10 year old boy, for no reason.

I ignored my Mum, I was still furious, upset and hurt, and I started crying again. It was if I could not look or speak to her, even if I had wanted to. I buried my head under my duvet because I did not want to let her see me sobbing. I was always a sensitive child though, easily upset and also the type of kid that would need lots of hugs. As much as I hated her, I also wanted someone to reassure and hold me. She tried to pull the covers back, but I held on, I knew that if I let go she would pick me up and hug me and I would not be able to stop myself wanting that.

When she managed to pull the the duvet back, I jumped into her and just let go, sobbed & sobbed to the point that I could barely speak. I remember saying............

"I didn't do anything Mum, why did you let him."

She kept telling me how sorry she was, and that she knew that I had not done anything. She turned me around and pulled my pyjama bottoms down, it was still very painful, and when she saw what he had done she started crying.

She told me that she would talk to him, and that she was so sorry, and that it would never happen again........................

She lied........

 

[CuckoldedByRachel]

The Past.....Pt5

These bruises would always be there, there would never be enough time between beatings to allow them to fade.

I cannot begin to explain the sense of hatred I felt for that man. My Dad was a gentle loving person, who had never once ever laid a hand on me, and neither had my Mother, and here was this man, who was not my Father, punishing me in the worse way, for the most trivial of things.

That day my Mother tried to appease her guilt by taking me out and spoiling me. I could not shake the sense of humiliation though, and all day I imagined all kinds of awful things I could do to my Step-dad, I wanted revenge.

What could I do though, I was ten!!!!!! The only thing a child can do at that age when someone hurts or threatens them is to tell their Dad, I could not wait for my step-dad to get home so I could tell him.

He was a bully of the worst kind, and even after his beatings he would never allow me to get even a little bit of payback, would never allow me to sulk or complain or answer him back.

I plucked up the courage to tell him that night that I was going to tell my Dad on him. The three of us were at the dining room table at the time. When I told him, he laughed.

"Your Dad, your Dad."

I'll never forget what he said next, it seemed such a strange thing to say to a child of my age, and it also frightened me.

" I'll set fire to your Dad and piss out the flames you wet packet of shit."

I started to cry again and looked at my Mum to say something, to stick up for my Dad, she said nothing. So I spoke up and tearfully said...........

"Mum, dont let him..............

With this he got up and grabbed my arm (always at the top) pulled me over to his seat and got into my face and said..........

"Do you want the same as what you got last night."

In a calm threatening manner, he would never allow me to be silent when he asked me something, if I did not answer he would repeat it over and over, and louder each time until I did. I was looking over at my Mum hoping that she would say something, she did, but she had barely got a word out and he shouted at her......................

"Shut the fuck up, I did not ask you."

"Do you fucking want what you got last night?"

I was scared, and I said........"No."

"What the fuck do you say then."

My Mother said.........

"He's sorry Ray let him go."

"Do you want me to lose my fucking temper bitch."

I said sorry and he let me go and told me to go to my room.

It did not take me long to learn what type of abuse I was going to get. If he was calm and threatening, it would be verbal abuse, if he blew his top it would be physical.

Later that night I told my Mum I was going to tell my Dad what he had done. She told me that I could not, and the reason that I could not was because she said if I did, my Dad would be ****** to do something about it, and that he would most likely come around to see my step-dad, and that it would end up with my Dad getting hurt.

"Is that what you want, Daddy to get hurt?"

I tossed and turned that night, and the more I thought it over, the more I believed what my Mother had said.

I didn't tell my Dad, not then, not ever.

 

[CuckoldedByRachel]

The language in that house was something I was not used to. In my family home there was never any swearing, in his house every second word was fuck this or cunt that. This was the language he and his friends used all the time, not just in anger but in their normal talk.

In our house my Mother & Father would never tolerate rudeness from my sister & I. My sister was older, but even she was not allowed to swear in front of my parents wthout being pulled up on it. Respect and manners.

In his house it was different, she would never complain about his language, or his friends, even when directed at me. He would think nothing of calling me a cunt, or his favourite........"Wet packet of shit." She never said anything to him about it.

He was a very intimidating person, not just towards my mother and I, but to anyone that annoyed him, even his friends. He was constantly on edge.. He made his money from his own baliff company, so I guess initimidating people just came natural to him.

The whole time I lived in that house I was on edge, always butterflies in my stomach. I tried to get along with him, I wanted him to like me, I really, really tried, but I never ever got anything back. No affection, not even a pat on the head. He would never even talk to me unless he was calling me names. I was always trying to work out what I had done to make him hate me so much. He would beat me, and my Mother would buy me stuff the next day, that's how it went. Even when I agreed with the prick I could end up getting a smack. He would always say to my Mum..............

"Why can't that little queer (another one of his pet names for me) go and live with his Dad."

This one time I piped up and said.............

"Yeah, why cant I?

He smacked me round the side of the head so hard, that my ear was still ringing hours later. I so wanted to go home to my Dad and Sister. I would plead with my Mum to let me live with my Dad, but she would not. And although I stayed with my Dad every Wednesday, and he would also pick me up from school sometimes, and I had every second weekend with him. I still missed him so much. He was devastated when my Mum left. It would annoy me though when my Mum would drop me off, or pick me up and my Dad would be nice to her. I would ask him why, after everything she had done was he making things so easy for her.

He told me that he still loved her.

 

[CuckoldedByRachel]

The Past..........Pt8

I lived in my step-dads house for just over two years, and it was without a shadow of a doubt, the worst two years of my life. My personality changed. I went from being happy and laid back. to moody, quiet and poorly behaved. It was something my school noticed, and they called my Mother into the school. They said they were concerned about my sudden change, from a very good pupil to a bad one. My Mother knew why of course, but she told the school that it was down to her seperation from my Dad. They believed her.

A fortnight would not go by without him blowing his top. I also believed he enjoyed humiliating me, which is why he would always pull my underwear down, he knew how it embarrassed me, especially by the time I was 12. He was also the first person to comment on the size of my penis. "Fucking puny." That's what he said, and he would say it in front of my Mum. He would also at times punch me in the stomach so hard that it would wind me and leave me on the ground gasping for breath.

If you keep kicking a dog though, it will eventually bite back, and I did. I could not do it physically of course, but I would do it verbally. I became an expert at gauging his moods, and also at steering clear or moving quickly when the time was needed. By the time I was twelve I became aware of the fact that he was not the sharpest tool in the box. I would wind him up, and at times he wouldn't even know. He would catch me occasionally, and I would have to take a beat down, but I felt better about myself knowing I had given him a reason.

The last beating I ever took from him was the worst though.

 

[CuckoldedByRachel]

The Past...............Pt10

To breath, even slightly was incredibly painful, and I knew something was wrong. By the next morning even my Mother excepted that I needed to be checked out. It was what she did next that still hurts me now, even thinking about it.

She told me to put my School Rugby kit on, and then go out into the garden and get myself muddy so it looked as if I'd been playing. These were the lengths she would go to, to protect that motherfucker. We then went to the hospital.

One x-ray later and I was told I had two broken ribs. They had excepted my mothers, and my own explanation of what happened. That it was done playing Rugby at school. If they had examined me properly as they should have done, he would never have got away with it. Not to worry though, my Mum took me down to the shops and bought me stuff. What's a beating or two when you get cool stuff bought for you. Right?

I was determined never to go back to that house, I became hysterical. I told my Mother that I would tell my father if she made me go back, I told her that I was going to live with my Father.

She did the right thing because she realised that I meant it, that I would tell him everything that had happened. She was terrified that my Dad would find out.

The reason for that, was not because she was protecting him, it was because she would have been, and still would be to this day, be ashamed of what happened to her own son when she was supposed to be taking care of me. And although she did not love my father anymore, she still liked him, they still got on. She still cares what he thinks, even now. She knew that my Dad would think what she did was unforgivable.

Why did she do it? Why did she put that fucking animal before me, her own son. Why did she leave a man like my Father for a person like that? Did she love him? Was it because he was well off and she could buy all the stuff she always wanted, and drive around in a fucking B.M.W ? She has never been able to answer me.

A year after I left that house my stepdad kicked her out on the street. I cant say that I felt that sorry for her. It sickened me the way that she tried to get me to go and live with her after she got herself set up in a new place. The way she tried to pretend that what she did was all forgotten. I will never forget.

My Father found someone else and is happy. I am still as close to him now as I ever was. My parents still see each other and have become friends again, thanks to the hard work of my sister. I guess when you have kids together you will always have at least that in common.

I have forgiven my Mother now, but I will not forget. There are things that I find to painful to recall for the purpose of this story. Things I find difficult to forgive.

My mother & I do on occasion speak about those times and she is full of remorse. In hindsight, I realise that she was as scared of that pig as much as I was. She could have left though, and spared her own son two years of his terror. She did not, and that will always be a problem between us. She is my Mother though, and I love her.

Whatever happened to my tormentor of a stepfather I do not know, and neither does my Mother. I like to think that one day he came across someone who treated him the same way he treated me as a boy.

And although I am a self-confessed cuckold. I am no wimp, and I am no longer a child. Sometimes, I think that I would like to see him again someday.

 

[CuckoldedByRachel]

In my next post I'm going to go forward in time. I have come here for advice about my current situation, but that will be further along.

Thanks for your opinions.

 

[Angevin]

And although I am a self-confessed cuckold. I am no wimp

I believe that. Just because you get off watching your woman getting fucked doesn't mean you're some kind of pussy. Everyone has their sexual eccentricities...whether they want to admit it or not. And that's all they are. They speak to nothing else about your life other than what gets you off.

 

[CuckoldedByRachel]

Like I said, I'm going to jump forward in time for a bit, get it more up to date.

I'm going to go back to the time I met my wife, and the man I was then, and how I felt about my beautiful wife, Rachel.

When writing about my experience, I'm going to try to keep the narrative as factual as possible. I do not want to slip into bullshit fantasy sex talk. That was never my thing. I want to paint a clear, and concise picture for you, so that you can share your opinions and advice when I get to the present.

 

[CuckoldedByRachel]

The Past.........Pt11

So, like I said I consider myself an Ultimate cuckold. This is something that has evolved over the last two years of my marriage to Rachel.

My wife & her Bulls cuckolding of me does not go beyond the sexual dynamic, and it never has. It's all about the kick that she & the bull both get out of humiliating me sexually. For me, it's about the humiliation and degradation that I get from my tormentors. It's also about the BDSM, and chastity.

Do I think of myself as a loser? No I do not, except when it comes to Sex. I have two problems sexually. I have a small cock that is 4 inches when erect. (At best) And even worse than that, I suffer from premature ejaculation, which at times has been chronic. In other words, I was never going to be a porn star, but in my defence, I have made the best of a bad hand over the years. It is not a combination you want though, is it? I am not a wimp or a sissy. (Rachel only wants to cuck a man, although when you read stuff that I've done in my past, you may disagree.)

I would say that I am a good looking man who takes good care of myself. I work out, and girls have always been attracted to me. I work in finance and earn a wage that affords my wife & I a very good standard of living.

Our families and friends would consider us a very loving, solid and successful couple who are very much in love. They are right.........except for one thing................The fact that she cuckolds me with her live-in bull, who is a big man, with a bigger cock. A man that can sexually satisfy My wife in a way that I cannot ever hope to get near to.

We met while I was working in Australia. It's a cliche, but we met on a plane. It was going from Melbourne to Sydney. If there is such a thing as "love at first sight" thats what I was struck down with on that plane.

She is pretty, charming, funny, sexy, intelligent and very beautiful. I truly love her so very much. Oh, I forgot to add, she is an awesome Cuckoldress. Why? well as lovely as she is, she undoubtedly has a nasty streak in her. I also know that she loves me. After six month's together in Sydney, I was transfered back to London, Rachel came home with me. We were married within a year of meeting.

In my next post I'll talk more about my P.E problem, and how bad at times it could be, and how it ultimately turned me into Rachel's cuckold.

 

[agado]

love your account of your life ,,,look forward to the next chapter

 

[CuckoldedByRachel]

The Past.............Pt12

I do not suffer from premature ejaculation when I masturbate, therefore, my first experience of it was when I lost my virginity when I was 13.

She was a terrible girl, older than me (15) and someone that I was not attracted to. Why? She was not that attractive! She was o.k, but I did not have the hots for her. She was one of my best friends older sisters, and she would quite often tease me, and grab my butt or worse.

This day I had gone to my friends house to call on him, he was not there, he was out with his parents. Sara was there, and she told me that they would be home soon, so I may as well wait, she was lying.

She started with the touching straight away, it would embarrass me, which she thought was cute. She then started teasing me about being a virgin, I totally denied this of course, even though it was obviously true.

She told me to prove it and proceeded to jump on top of me and start to fondle me through my shorts. It felt nice, but I wanted to get up. She had other ideas. An erection is an involuntary reaction, but it was all the encouragement she needed.

I could have stopped her, but I did not want her to think that I was uncool or a baby, so I let her do it.

She was on top, and it was short and not so sweet. When I came she just tapped me on the nose like I was five and said "I knew you was a virgin."

She let me up and I got out of there. I did not think about squirting that fast, I was just glad it was over.

Do I regret it now? Not really, but I know that I wasn't ready for sex at that age.

And she was indeed a terrible girl.

 

[CuckoldedByRachel]

The Past...........Pt13

I went to an all boys school, and as is the way in these establishments, the boys will play about with each other. Why? Well, there is no girls, is there! Boys of that age have raging hormones. This is when I first really noticed that...... A) My cock was smaller than everyone else's, and B) When assisted by another boy, I came much, much quicker than them.

Lot's of the kids would do it, nobody spoke about it, but everyone knew that it happened. It wasn't anything serious, just boys watching each other wanking off, and sometimes helping each other out, but yeah, if another boy and I were jacking each other, I would always come first, easily.

Although I do not class myself as gay, or even bi, (90% straight on the kinsey scale) these things happened. Also, my first sexual relationship was with a boy in my class. He was a pretty, girly boy, his name was Nathan. I'll come back to that later.

The reason I say I do not feel that I'm bi, or not bi enough to class myself to be so, is because as soon as I went to college and was surrounded by girls, I lost all interest in members of the same sex, and have never regained that interest, not really. That 10% was still there, but it got buried in my lust for the sexy girls in my college.

I did well with girls at that time. I have never had trouble getting girls to go with me.

I became good at covering up my P.E problems, a problem I was well aware of by this time. Due to the fact that I had been shamed a few times.

I learnt delay techniques, the best one being the stop start method. Girls at that age are inexperienced themselves and I learnt to get girls off using my hands, fingers, mouth and tongue. They loved it, because most guys at that age were "wham bang thank you mam" types.

I would do this.......... Start off kissing and touching and then move on to blowing and teasing their most sensitive areas. I would then give them oral and get them really turned on and make them have an orgasm before sex.

I would start to have sex with them, but when I felt that I was going to cum, I would stop and go down on them for a bit, and then switch positions and make it seem natural. I could only do this if I was in control. If the girl was in charge of things then it could at times be over in seconds. Less than 20 sometimes. I could not go more than two minutes when having penatrative sex, that was my best, even if I made it slow and sensual. Sometimes it could be a lot less. So I would have to stop, and let it subside.

So I would not allow a girl to give me a blow job. A girl would never be allowed on top. That was a big no-no, a sure fire way to squirtsville.

I would never go with the same girl more than a few times. If I did, they would find me out.

As nice as oral, toys and all other forms of foreplay are for girls, in my experience they want penetration the most. It's primal, they want to be fucked and are frustrated if you cannot satisfy them this way, and whoever said "Dick size doesn't matter" is talking bullshit.

My Rachel found me out very quickly. She can be a very loving, slow, gentle and sensual lover, which for obvious reasons I loved. She can also be very physical and dominant, at times she would want to take charge and ride me, at times she wanted to be fucked, not made love too, FUCKED, & FUCKED HARD.

She would be very disappointed.

 

[CuckoldedByRachel]

The Past...........Pt14

From the age of 20 till I went to Australia when I was 26, I had a pretty crazy life, a lot of booze, drugs and BDSM. In all that time, I never once had a girlfriend, didn't want one, I was having to much fun. I had sex with more girls than I can count, and yes that included hookers, lots of them.
At no point in that time did my problem ever leave me, but sticking to my boundaries, I managed it.

I started exploring BDSM when I was about 21, it was something I quickly became addicted to. Imagine every aspect of BDSM, and I 've tried it at least once.
Bondage
Whipping
CBT (Cock and Ball Torture)
Wax play
Golden showers
Strap on play
Sexual roleplay
Medical play
Suspension
Erotic electrostimulation
Spanking
Flogging

And anything else. I was the sub (Bottom) of course and I would go to as many BDSM clubs and parties as I could. I soon realised that I would get more turned on if there was no direct sexual stimulation, and thats when I first started locking my cock. It was all about the subjugation & humiliation of being restrained and then whipped, spanked and flogged.

I do believe that this is connected to my childhood, and the beatings I received in the time I lived with my stepfather. I cannot explain it though. When I was a child and I was on the receiving end of those beatings, I felt nothing but fear, pain and humiliation. When I look back on that time, it is with a sadness and anger, in no way does thinking about it turn me on, and yet I know it is connected.

I think I would need a psycologist to help me explain why?

When I went to Australia I made an effort to leave all the booze, drugs, sex and BDSM behind in London. I felt that it was getting out of hand, and starting to control my life, so I gave it up, and fell in to a surfer lifestyle while in Sydney.

I remember the first time that I subbed for someone very well though......................