Need Help: Former Cuckold In Former Married About To Get Married...

[DRod4620]

Do I be honest with the girl before getting married about my fantasies? I'm quite a bit older than her and have opened her eyes to sex and have fun in the bedroom...We have a good chemistry and she seem pretty open to suggestions when it comes to things we do together.

But I was once married and I had convinced my ex to go out on dates with other men. First it had started with an ex bf of her's. She would go out with him during the weekends and fuck then come back home...Or just spend the night with him if I got them a room. Very hot to admit that.

Now...After having been divorced a while now...I've had a long distance relationship with a younger women. There is a 21 year difference and the girl wasn't a virgin when we had gotten together...But she didn't have much experience with her first and only bf.

So my current situation is questioning if I should tell her about my kink before we tie the knot or just leave it be fore now and just work it into our future discussions. I've convinced a few former women in my life to spend their legs for other men....So I'm pretty sure I could get her to too.

What do you think guys and how should I approach it? I would love for her to fuck other men...Possibly after the honeymoon stage....Not sure what to do. Open by telling her that being a cuckold is my fantasy and that I've shard my ex's before? Cause what if we do get married...I don't tell her about it...For a while. Once I do she asks me if I've ever done that with other women before...I tell her she gets pissed because she should have told me about that before.

Or I tell her and she continues with the relationship and plans for marriage not knowing what to do after she is finally married and leave me after a while without fulfilling my fantasy because she is pissed.

Not sure what to think...Thanks for your input.

 

[DRod4620]

Oh...A couple of details I've left out...One is that I'm now shooting blanks...Can't give the girl a baby which is one thing I know she wants. I don't want to pay so much for a reversal which isn't guaranteed to work...Or even if it does...I don't want to go and get cut again so I don't make any more kids. We've already discussed having one baby...She know's I'm cut and can't get her pregnant.....But she also understands that there is a way to reverse it.

I can take advantage of the situation that we have a long distance relationship and tell her that I went to the doctor already and he said it can't be done. Then tell her we need to find her a lover and have her have his baby.

Again...What do you think...One more thing that I didn't mention...And no judging me please. She is from an asian country, I was introduced by her brother in law and I'm bringing her here on a K1. Thing about it is that we really do love each other tremendously so I don't know how she would react to me telling her about my kink. But at this point she's also at a point that she can't back out. Way too much is at stake and her family wouldn't allow it to not happen.

Thanks again guys.

 

[BigdaddyToronto]

Sounds like you don't know each other too well...I wouldn't talk about cuckolding as much as "open marriage" or "swinging" to first get a sense of how accepting she is of that. I definitely wouldn't wait until youre married to spring that on her...its a deceptive thing to do, kind of like trapping someone.

 

[DRod4620]

Yeah...I hear ya...But I have been putting out feelers and talking to her about the fact that "I have a past and much more experience and have done many things that she her has thought about." And she's somewhat receptive and not probing or judgmental about it. She does let me use toys one her which is a start. And she sends me sexy pics of herself...Just have yet to bring up this subject yet.

BTW...its not a matter of me wanting an open marriage as much as me wanting her to fuck other men. Thanks for your input.

 

[BigdaddyToronto]

Yeah...I hear ya...But I have been putting out feelers and talking to her about the fact that "I have a past and much more experience and have done many things that she her has thought about." And she's somewhat receptive and not probing or judgmental about it. She does let me use toys one her which is a start. And she sends me sexy pics of herself...Just have yet to bring up this subject yet.

BTW...its not a matter of me wanting an open marriage as much as me wanting her to fuck other men. Thanks for your input.

I know, but if shes NOT into it, open marriage doesn't seem as weird/creepy...telling a girl you don't know all that well that you want her to fuck other guys could be interpreted as you to be her pimp. There has to be a lot of trust established for these kinds of discussions.

 

[TessaTomb]

I'm happy for you that the two of you love each other tremendously. Call me old fashion, but you could always try one of those kinky checklist type things. Do a little inventory of what you are open to, what absolutely aren't willing to do, both of you fill it out separately.

Is past sexual history that much of a taboo to talk about? Certainly uncomfortable business, but nothing wrong with know what has shaped and made a person.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Your comment:

I'm quite a bit older than [the woman I have in mind marrying], [but] I have opened her eyes to sex and we have fun in the bedroom. We have good chemistry, and she seems pretty open to suggestions when it comes to things we do together.

makes your woman sound like a promising candidate to make you her cuckold.

I was once married and I had convinced my [now-] ex to go out on dates with other men. First it had started with an ex-bf of her's. She would go out with him during the weekends and fuck him, then come back home... or spend the night with him, if I got them a room.

This is an important aspect of your past life and marriage relationship.

So, my current situation is questioning if I should tell her about my kink before we tie the knot.

Briefly, the answer is yes. But, I suggest not laying it on her cold or out of the blue.

What do you think, guys? How should I approach it? I would love for her to fuck other men... possibly after the honeymoon stage. I'm not sure what to think [about bringing this up].

I suggest passing along the following two articles to your woman (the links could be include in an e-mail message mentioning that you've "found them"), and asking her what her thoughts are on them.

The cuckold husband / hotwife phenomena, by Dr. Cherry Lee, Ph.D.:
The Cuckold Phenomena

The Science of Cuckoldry, by sex therapist and relationships counselor Susan Gower:
The Science of Cuckoldry

Then, after she's had some time to read and consider them, bring it up for discussion (as an abstract concept, not mentioning, yet, that you've had this kind of marriage yourself). If your woman seems slightly intrigued and willing to talk about it — that is, if she does not reject the whole concept out of hand — you can segue into a discussion of your past marriage, in which you found it hot that your then-wife dated and fucked other men. Be prepared to deal with her suspecting you just want this kind of marriage so you'll have an excuse to pursue and fuck other women, which she probably won't want. Ergo, be prepared to convince her you really do want a "hotwife / cuckold husband" marriage, in which she will be free to date, seduce, and fuck other men, while you will pledge to remain faithful to her (and will actually do so).

Also, I suggest being prepared to talk about the reasons for your divorce from your former wife, and convince your present woman that your hotwife / cuckold husband form of marriage was not the cause of your divorce (if it wasn't).

If your discussions.... if possible, over glasses of wine during (perhaps several) evenings while listening to soft music.... and with some discussions, preferably, while you're in bed with her.... are met only with refusals to even consider such a thing; that no way would she be able to have a marriage of that nature — then, you may need to cut her loose and resume your search for a woman who would find it desirable to have the kind of marital relationship you want.

In other words: if you do not come to agreement with your woman in advance regarding the kind of marriage you want, and which you hope she will agree to, you could end up having to resign yourself to a vanilla marriage.

 

[vahtcpl]

Perhaps I'm reading it wrong, but from your comment about shooting blanks and your avatar it seems like you want or would not object to her going black. That's great and by all means explore it honestly with her. As for breeding (if it is on the agenda), my impression is that it would be a major social issue for an Asian woman to have a black child (not to mention having a cuckolded white husband to boot). One step at a time. Get to know her first and take it from there. Good luck!

 

[Custer Laststand]

..... I can take advantage of the situation that we have a long distance relationship and tell her that I went to the doctor already and he said [my vasectomy] can't be [reversed]. Then tell her we need to find her a lover so she can have his baby.

This strikes me as potentially a way to solve your problem. But, there's no reason to lie to your woman. Just tell her reversing your vasectomy would be an uncertain procedure; it would be expensive, might or might not be effective, and you don't want to need to have yet another vasectomy done later. So, you propose that she begin thinking in terms of taking a lover, or lovers, and becoming pregnant by one of them.

Still, this would probably be a sufficiently-shocking proposal that I would suggest approaching it gently and somewhat indirectly, perhaps combining this consideration with an approach along the lines of what I suggested above.

You might also mention that you're concerned because when a man who is relatively old (I don't think you mentioned your age) impregnates a woman, there's a higher probability of birth defects and, of course, you have a strong desire for her not to give birth to an infant with birth defects. This would be a further argument, and perhaps even the most effective one, for your wife-in-waiting to agree to take lovers who are much younger than you, perhaps closer to her own age.