New to This

[unsurewife]

So my husband and I have fantasized about this kind of thing in bed for about a month now, and it really excites us, but when it came down to talking about doing the real thing it made me uncomfortable all of the sudden... Is this normal? I am normally a very shy person, I don't EVER venture out of my comfort zone, not only that I have really low self-esteem and we have had our share of trust issues. But on the other hand i know how happy this would make my husband, and I do like the fantasy. I just don't want this to ruin our relationship!
Advice Please///

 

[gw3n]

The trust issue is huge and I wouldn't know how you can fix that. I don't know what was done to cause that issue.

The fantasy to reality may make your self esteem improve (other men find me attractive) but it may also damage it if your hubby gets jealous later and calls you names and stirs up crap. You need to do it because you want to, not just because hubby wants you to.

As far as venturing out of your comfort zone, whether live out this fantasy or not, you need to gain your self confidence and live out of your comfort zone. You don't learn or grow in comfort zone. Yes outside of your comfort zone you make mistakes, things can sting but thats where you live and learn the most.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

If you go for it...enjoy
gw3n

 

[unsurewife]

Thanks for the advice, that sheds a whole new light on things from my perspective. Your right if I never take any new leaps of faith I would never know what was out there for me. I didn't even know this was an option for married couples or a way to spice things up. I'm wondering what happens if I try it (for him) and he is more into it than I am! What then? Do I keep going to make him happy or do I stop to make me happy? I'm trying not to be such a prude... I really appreciate the advice

 

[unsurewife]

Thanks Mac.

This is hubby. I just wanted to add my perspective and bump this thread up.

My wife took a really big step by taking the initiative to do some research, find this site, and post this thread. It is a huge turn on that she has at least considered it enough to do this. Our sex lately has been AMAZING! wow! Her confidence in her self has grown exponentially since she took this step as well. It is so sexy to see her feel confident again. Yesterday I was joking with her about her wanting something in her butt. I said, "I'll put something in your butt..." She replied with "No. I want someone else to put something in my butt." WOW! I immediately got rock hard. She had the confidence in her self to say something like that and it was such a turn on.


I don't know why it is that fantasizing about this makes us feel this way. Maybe I'm fucking crazy. I don't know. But it makes me and my wife feel closer than ever. Were holding hands again. Kissing just because and there is just an unspoken spice back in the day to day. I would give anything in the world to keep this. ANYTHING!


As we journey through this we will both do our best to update. Hopefully we can get some more advice from you guys and gals that will help us work this and get to where we want to end up.

 

[Saraha]

When a wife has extra sex, she can feel much more desired/loved and her enjoyment of being married can grow to wonderful levels. The Bull (her lover) adds value to the marriage - and hubby can feel really great that he has given his wife the gift of extra sex/loving. Hubby wants the very best for his wife, right?.......so he shows his wife how much he appreciates her being a wonderful wife by encouraging her to sleep with her lover at every opportunity.

The wife will develop feelings of love for her lover, but it is like being married to two men - she spends quality time with each man, who do their best at not being jealous of each other.

A wife needs to sometimes have holidays away with her lovers, like a honeymoon; and a hushband needs to brush up on his domestic skills to take over the running of the house whilst she is away.

 

[OhioWannabeCuckold]

I think the wife has already made the decision... She is just afraid to admit it to herself. The reason for the extra excitement in the marriage is cause she is excited that she may be getting some "new sex".

Take the plunge. You will love the feeling you get from your new found sexual freedom. OH, and get a cock cage for him. Hes gonna need it.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Hi Ms. Unsurewife,

Thanks for posting. As pointed out by your husband in his post, you appear to be on the right track. From his point of view, your positive responses, however tentative, have immensely turned him on and it sounds like you're turning yourself on, as well.

Thanks for the advice [gw3n], that sheds a whole new light on things from my perspective.

Cool...

You're right [gw3n], if I never take any new leaps of faith I'll never know what's out there for me.

Ayup...

I didn't even know this is an option for married couples or a way to spice things up.

Ayup. If you want to do it and your husband is encouraging you to do it, you can do it.

I'm wondering what happens if I try it (for him) and he is more into it than I am! What then?

An oft-quoted saying among men whose wives finally, after much resistance and introspection, adopt the view that it's their prerogative to date and fuck other men while their husbands must remain faithful as their cuckolds (and begin acting accordingly), is: "It's hard to get them to start, but much harder to get them to stop."

Do I keep going to make him happy, or do I stop to make me happy? I'm trying not to be such a prude...

I'd say don't worry about it. If you begin dating and fucking other men, it will be your show. If you decide you don't like it and want to stop, you can stop. That should be entirely up to you, and your husband should agree to that in advance.

If, on the other hand, you decide you like it and want to continue, you can do so. If your husband decides he doesn't like being your cuckold after all, well... it will be awkward, at best, for him to insist you stop dating and fucking other men, because he will have been the one who motivated you to begin doing that.

This is a way of saying, the dynamics of your marriage will change. To a much greater extent, you will be in the drivers seat. If this gives you pause, note that your husband (according to his post) is finding himself more turned on by you as your self-confidence increases.

—Custer

 

[carina_halerose]

if you have trust issues leave it as a fantasy

 

[unsurewife]

Thank you all for all of your words of advice. This is the Mrs. by the way. I am finding myself more confident, but it's nothing that i'm doing. It is because my husband wants me to feel good about myself and that in itself means everything in the world to me. But the thing is that I feel as if he wants me to feel sexy in order to make other people want to fuck me. He doesn't want me to feel that way for him. Am I retarded for thinking that he should want me to feel this way for him and only him? Should i feel happy that he wants me to have other partners? I'm not sure where to go at this point. I am happy fantasizing about this every night in bed with my husband, but that will only be exciting for so long! I feel like at some point I've got to step it up a bit to keep him excited...

 

[Saraha]

Yes, feel very happy that he wants you to have lovers.........and make sure you enjoy yourself with your lovers, and when you are alone with your husband again, tell him how much you love him for letting you have sex with other men.

 

[OhioWannabeCuckold]

WHo cares why you feel sexy? Go out and get some new cock, then you will know what it REALLY feels like to feel sexy and wanted sexually.

Make sure you pick someone with a cock MUCH larger then your husbands, that way you will not wanna go back to your husband any time soon... Bigger really does mean better.

Like Nike says, "Just Do It!"

 

[duke9555]

Yes, feel very happy that he wants you to have lovers.........and make sure you enjoy yourself with your lovers, and when you are alone with your husband again, tell him how much you love him for letting you have sex with other men.

===========

don't gush too much over your cucked husband for "allowing"
you to be with other guys ...it'll only inflate his baloon like
male ego ............if he gets outta line a good swift kick
to the nuts will adjust his attitude

 

[CuckoldMick]

Responsibility of Hot Wife

Unsure--- if you go ahead and develop a hotwife-cuckold relationship remember that while (or should I say because) your husband will assume a submissive role--- you have an obligation to look after his needs. What are his needs? Ask him before you start fucking other men. Put the rules of your relationship in writing (cuckold contract). And, what ever you two agree to, try your best to stick to it. A lot of people believe that the husband's jealousy is the greatest threat to the cuckold relationship and therefore the marriage. But I believe the far greater threat is when one partner feels left behind or left out--- this invokes the "fairness principle" all humans play by. In cuckold relationships the husband can be humiliated... made to do things that are degrading, etc., and he will love you for it. But forget about his needs--- no matter how "twisted" they may seem (he likes to watch, listen in and/or eat your cream pie)--- and you will loose both your cuckold relationship and your marriage. Be fair--- as cuckoldress you are the controlling partner. It is your great pleasure to have sexual freedom--- but it is also your great responsbility not to abuse this freedom. You can have your cake and eat it to--- just remember to throw your cuckold a bite now and then (or at least let him lick the mixing spoon). Best wishes,

CuckoldMick

 

[4julie]

Saraha is right

Yes, feel very happy that he wants you to have lovers.........and make sure you enjoy yourself with your lovers, and when you are alone with your husband again, tell him how much you love him for letting you have sex with other men.

This is so true - I always felt I was doing the right thing and I felt so loved and appreciated when my wife told me how much she'd enjoyed herself and how she loved me for allowing her to enjoy these dates without guilt.

For many years before I accepted her fucking other men there was so much tension, arguments and bad feeling between us - but that disappeared once I accepted the failings were my fault and she was fully justified in seeking sexual satisfaction with men who could give her what I couldn't.

To hear her recognize MY contribution to her happiness was so special to me.