On the advice of a friend...

[JustAnAverageGuy]

This is my first day here and I'm really kind of nervous but a friend of mine told me that posting my story here might help me work through what I'm going through...

My younger girlfriend (she is 21) took a trip to California (we live on the east coast) this past May with a girlfriend of hers. Right before they left, her friend had broken up with her boyfriend of about 2 or 3 months so I'm sure her friend was probably free and on the rebound while they were out there...and I'm sure my gf probably ended up playing her 'wingman'.

The only thing is I found emails on her laptop when she got back (yes...I was snooping I will admit it) between her and a guy she met out there. He is black and my gf is white. When I first read the emails I felt like someone kicked me in the teeth and I was SO angry that she was even talking to this guy. They never just came out and said in the emails that they did anything...but it's pretty implied in certain portions of their emails. She tells him things like 'What we had while I was out there was so fuckin' fun!'

As time has gone on I'm kind of finding myself turned on by what she may have done. I'm running into 2 problems however. One problem is I can't talk to her about it because it will be pretty obvious I was snooping in her computer then and she will just get angry.

The other problem is she hasn't had sex with me since she got back from Cali. We used to have sex like once or twice a week at least and now it's just nothing. I'm going a bit crazy! LOL Part of me thinks the reason any of this actually turns me on is because I'm so sexually pent up right now.

I don't know what I'm even asking exactly...maybe I'm just looking for any advice anyone would be willing to give or stories of anyone who might have ever been or are in my situation.

 

[Zagg]

I have been in your situation. The woman I was living with met a black guy. Within a few weeks she dumped me for him. Your situation might be different. But, especially in light of the fact that she's no longer screwing you, don't be surprised if she dumps you soon.

 

[Hwc]

Perhaps you could just avoid the email completely, and just start asking if she met any nice 'friends' while in Cali?

You could also ask if she had any male friends and very subtley indicate that she is young and you completely understand if she wanted to have some fun before getting tied down.

You could progress to letting her know that if she wanted another boyfriend as well as you, you would accept that despite it making you a bit jealous because you reallly love her and want her to experience and enjoy life to the full and that you really want her to be sure that she wants to be with you.

I haven't thought any of this out, just thinking aloud, so you can take what you want from my advice and disregard the rest.

Do let us know what you are thinking though and keep us informed of any conversations with your girlfriend.

How serious are you about her BTW, and does the thought of her having another boyfriend make you feel jealous as well as hot under the collar?

I also think Josetta should pipe in with her thoughts/advice on this one if she is following this thread!

 

[Josetta]

You don't have absolute proof she cheated, and if she found out you checked her e-mails, she would have an excuse to dump you immediately for invading her privacy.

I am pleased she had a good time with her black boyfriend, but it does not necessarily mean she will drop you. If she does want to hook up with him, then it simply means that she is not in love with you as much as she needs to be to get married. And this would give you the opportunity to move on to a new relationship.

At 21, she has not seen much of life, and it may be that she will have a lot of lovers over the next few years as she explores a full range of emotions from different guys turning her on when they chat her up.

She has come back to you, even if you have not had sex yet. She will be thinking things through about what has happened and deciding whether she still cares enough to be with you. She also needs to think up an excuse if she is wanting to break up with you.