once you cross that threshold...

[BobMichaels]

Something i'm mentally flirting with but nervous as hell about.

My questions to people here who took the leap...

How does your wife respect you?

How does it change the dynamic in your relationship/marriage?

Do you ever wish there was an abort switch or you could time machine rewind back?

My wife cheated this summer which I know is not cuckolding, but cheating.

But I did get turned on thinking about the details and I would go down this path if it saves/helps our marriage.

I have indications it might, or that she would be receptive to it.

But once I go there, I feel there's no turning back.

I guess I'm wondering, what's it like on the other side.

There's a few guys online I've been speaking with who want to meet us for a drink.

One keeps saying how it will strengthen our marriage and how I will be giving her a gift of love.

I know he's being self-serving, but I've seen that said on these forums as well.

I guess my real questions are,

how does it really strengthen or bring a couple together?

And how much does it change the relationship dynamics?

Obviously, it has to, but is it a monumental shift?

And if I do go there, are there any tips for what I should expect?

Sorry, I'm just crazed in the head right now, and any advice would be appreciated.

I posted some silly bigfoot post a month back, but this is my first actual post, and I've been slammed enough in life, so hoping I won't be on this board. Thanks.

 

[Hank jones]

Bob welcome,
Is you marriage stressed from her 'cheating' recently. Have you both talked it out? Was it due to something missing or just an attraction to the guy? Can you both be honest about it, and open?
Personally we've been married for 15 yrs and playing just 11 of it. But something we have found true 90% of the time: ' this lifestyle to save a marriage doesn't work.'
It seems someone holds bad feelings or feels wronged by the other.
So you both have to talk or ignore your feelings.
-Hank

 

[Villain]

Welcome, Bob. Admittedly I have never crossed that threshold and never will (despite how mouth-watering the thought can be). However I would just like to say that I hope you never let the "it will strengthen your marriage...gift of love...blah, blah, blah" guy near your wife. Stay away from that type.

 

[mimi27406]

Very pertinant questions:

Bob, you are wise to question what the changes will be. By some definations you are a cuckold and became one when you found she had cheated and you continued your marriage. It is obvious, at least to me, that you want to continue your marriage and are willing to go to some lengths to maintain it. Only you can determine if she has lost any more respect, I doubt it because she cheated and got away with it. Is she dominant to you? Has she started to dress differently since she cheated? Are you sure she is not still seeing her lover? Does she have more than one lover? What will your role be in the relationship with her and her lover?

 

[BobMichaels]

Thanks Hank, Villain & Mimi for your replies & considerate feedback.

I guess it was due to something missing, or she just saw this sexual adventure and seized on it, never minding that I was there, or maybe that added to some mental thrill.

We’ve talked about it but I’ve never gotten to the why’s really.

The thing is, she acts the same with me, she’s not awkward, it’s the same goofing around with me and she’s told me she loves me.

I want to have another talk to see where her head is truly at.

But yes, I’ve spoken to a few men (three) who I met online and are local and I’m not niave, I know I’m hearing self-serving stuff.

But then I talk to self proclaimed cuckolds on aol who said, it saved their marriage or was the best thing for them.

To put it bluntly, or shortly, I’m friggnn lost.

& mimi, she would never be with that guy again, it became too public, because he yapped.

But I have a guy wanting to meet my wife Halloween weekend who came up with an idea of how we met. I think that is so plunging into the unknown.

 

[vladdy]

I can only speak from experiences of a serious g/f relationship I have had that involved cheating and then us working on our sex life after that happened.

I would think you need to keep thinks open, and allow her to tell you things in ways that perhaps will make you uncomfortable at first about her experiences with this other man. Because if your going to be cuckolded she is probably going to be sharing her exploits with you.

Aside from that cuckolding in and of itself can really have no hope of saving your marraige thats her job and your job. But if she wants to experiement you may want to do this cuckolding thing for a while to see how it pans out.

I woudln't talk to guys online who have hopes of getting in on your adventures, let your wife find the guys if she is going to cuck you.

 

[Godess]

Something i'm mentally flirting with but nervous as hell about.

My questions to people here who took the leap...

How does your wife respect you? You will remain her husband is theory only, she will not accept the fact that she married a short-dicked sissy. She will dominate you in every manner and will become the boss in the house

How does it change the dynamic in your relationship/marriage? In fornt of friends it will be business as usual, behind closed doors, she will rule the roast and you will become a backseat player

Do you ever wish there was an abort switch or you could time machine rewind back?God no, you will love the new relationship once you get into it, you'll regret those years that you weren't in a cuckold relationship

My wife cheated this summer which I know is not cuckolding, but cheating.

But I did get turned on thinking about the details and I would go down this path if it saves/helps our marriage.

I have indications it might, or that she would be receptive to it.

But once I go there, I feel there's no turning back.

I guess I'm wondering, what's it like on the other side.

There's a few guys online I've been speaking with who want to meet us for a drink.

One keeps saying how it will strengthen our marriage and how I will be giving her a gift of love.

I know he's being self-serving, but I've seen that said on these forums as well.

I guess my real questions are,

how does it really strengthen or bring a couple together?You wife has already cheated on you, meaning that something is lacking in your relationship, if you are in a cuckolding situation, she will fuck a bull in fornt of you, she is happy. Don't you want your wife to be happy? You already found her cheating a turn on

And how much does it change the relationship dynamics?see above

Obviously, it has to, but is it a monumental shift?It's only a shift behind close doors, you will not lose face in front of your friends

And if I do go there, are there any tips for what I should expect? the most erotic thing you will ever see, give your cock a good rest before it happens, you be cuming a lot!

Sorry, I'm just crazed in the head right now, and any advice would be appreciated.

I posted some silly bigfoot post a month back, but this is my first actual post, and I've been slammed enough in life, so hoping I won't be on this board. Thanks.

PM me for more assistance, on a public forum might not be the best way of going about this.

 

[mimi27406]

Leave it to the Goddess to tell it like it is:

Frankly Bob, I think you are already committed. Dominate women do not make appoligies and she will tell you what she wants you to know, and yes sometimes to watch you sqirm. The only point Goddess made that I question, and this is just because of personal experience, her lovers are going to talk, brag and sometimes lord it over you. It will become known to some people you may wish did not know it, but you can take a page from your wife and make no appoligies to family or friends, sometimes best just to not talk with them about it. You can expect to be humilated in front of her lovers and sometimes her friends. You will have to accept you are no longer husband and head of household. If she is the benvolent type, a few are and I expect Goddess is considerant of her cuck, she will try to maintain a normal relationship in public, but often the wife will push the limits to see just how far she can do in making you submissive to her will. Either way if you are a submissive male you will be better off because you will no longer have to make decisions.

 

[Villain]

It's interesting how you seem to be orchestrating (or preparing to orchestrate) this whole thing behind your wife's back. You say that there are "indications that she would be receptive to a cuck lifestyle". It seems to me that you should at least talk to her about it before you go looking for suitors. If you find that she is in fact receptive, then you can discuss how to proceed. Some women will be very interested to cheat by finding their own man or letting someone pick them up, but the same women may not be interested at all at the thought of their husband playing a part in the courtship.

Also, I see you've been getting some extreme answers. Just remember that a cuck-lifestyle doesn't have to be extreme. It's not necessary to give up your self-respect or be dominated or humiliated in anyway. If you want that, then fine, so be it. But if you're not into it, you don't have to be. It is not necessary to take a cuck-lifestyle any farther than you want.

 

[Custer Laststand]

BobMichaels,

Regarding:

To put it bluntly and briefly, I’m friggnn lost.

You should not confuse your woman's desire to fuck other men from time-to-time (or even frequently) with her not loving you and wanting you to be her husband. A good way to get a handle on this phenomenon, IMO, from the point of view of married women sometimes fucking other men but trying hard to keep it secret from their husbands (or other long-term partners) would be to read:

Baker, Robin (Ph.D), 1996, Sperm Wars: The Science of Sex

which is a fascinating "science for the layperson" book. It should also enable you to appreciate this phenomenon from the point of view of married men sometimes fucking women other than their wives while trying hard to keep that secret from their wives.

The following two articles may help you appreciate the "cuckold husband / hotwife" phenomenon, from the point of view of bringing it all out into the open and (one hopes) improving one's marriage as a result.

Susan Gower on natural cuckolding of husbands by married women:
The Science of Cuckoldry Cuckold Couple

Dr. Cherry Lee on the cuckold husband / hotwife phenomenon:
The Cuckold Phenomena Cuckold Couple

—Custer

 

[Custer Laststand]

Addendum...

My wife cheated this summer which I know is not cuckolding, but cheating. I got turned on thinking about the details and I would go down this path if [I thought it would] save or help our marriage.

For an illustration of my point (above) on this forum see (for instance) Mandygurl with "I love the slut life" on the subject line, here:

http://www.cuckolds.com/forums/cuckold-confessions/29846-i-love-slut-life.html

 

[tmw1966]

I will be happy to chat with you about my experience, here is my input on some of your questions. my Yahoo Id is tmw_1966

Something i'm mentally flirting with but nervous as hell about.

My questions to people here who took the leap...

How does your wife respect you?
There has not been any change in the way she respects me, she doesn't understand why i enjoy it though. At many occassions she will stand up to her BF if he crosses the line with me from her point of view.
How does it change the dynamic in your relationship/marriage?
Strengthen, in addition to being husband and wife, we became very good friends as well
Do you ever wish there was an abort switch or you could time machine rewind back?
Yes, i will be very hesitant to flip the switch though. Recently, my wife has been having problems with her BF, which has negatively impacted the quality of our relationship, if i go ahead and flip the ABORT switch it will only be becasue my wife is not happy, but I never regreted it openning up our marriage.
My wife cheated this summer which I know is not cuckolding, but cheating.


But I did get turned on thinking about the details and I would go down this path if it saves/helps our marriage.

I have indications it might, or that she would be receptive to it.

But once I go there, I feel there's no turning back.

I guess I'm wondering, what's it like on the other side.

There's a few guys online I've been speaking with who want to meet us for a drink.

One keeps saying how it will strengthen our marriage and how I will be giving her a gift of love.

I know he's being self-serving, but I've seen that said on these forums as well.

I guess my real questions are,

how does it really strengthen or bring a couple together?

And how much does it change the relationship dynamics?

Obviously, it has to, but is it a monumental shift?

And if I do go there, are there any tips for what I should expect?

Sorry, I'm just crazed in the head right now, and any advice would be appreciated.

I posted some silly bigfoot post a month back, but this is my first actual post, and I've been slammed enough in life, so hoping I won't be on this board. Thanks.

 

[BobMichaels]

thanks tmw, i will take you up on your offer.

im thinking of seeing a therapist next week.

people can be brutal online (aol).

one guy telling me i'm a "cuck slut" for simply imagining the details of that night. and how he will basically own my house once things get going (I live in an apt, but message is same)

it's such a substantial trade-over of power, and admittance that you no longer have the right to hold whatever power you had.

Has anyone else felt like they were losing their mind as they simply even explored this possibility?

But to be clear, I have not done anything whatsoever yet.

I'm just exploring possibilities.

The advice about not listening to bull-shiters claiming it will help my marriage, i really appreciated it.

i guess, im just wondering, why do such relationships work?

 

[gatorrdw]

Don't take it to heart

I went down that road many years ago, and no you're not crazy to be apprehensive about this lifestyle. Some on this site are into things that my wife and I never had any interest in. We were totally into sharing her charms when ever the right situations occured, many times I watched her, some times I was able to join in and a few times she was on her own and I almost always got sloppy seconds, I had no interest in cream pies, but well fucked silky smooth pussy just drove me nuts. Take your time talk with your wife, I talked with mine alot as we would check out guys when we were at the mall or in a bar or at a sporting event. I would ask her things like do you think he's well hung and so on and when we got home she was usually as hot as can be and ready to fuck my brains out and I often would tell her that I probably would need help to take care of her and she started to agree that maybe I should and then we would pretend that someone would be there to take care of her. Just make sure that you and she keep talking about everything and you will soon know what the next step should be. You can read about my wife and I and our adventures in the xxxstories forum in the thread "You have to start somewhere" and you will see the direction that we took. gtr

 

[smallcockpaul]

Agree totally with the abobe post from gatorrdw.

For my 2-penny's worth - fix your relationship, rebuild trust and then introduce the cuckold thing if you're still interested. (You will be!!) . Don't rush in now - it will break you.

 

[tmw1966]

BobMichaels,
I bet you there is no two cuckold/hotwife relationships that are alike, and you have to find what's right for you and your wife on your own. I would say most of the HW/Cuckold couples i know are not into abusing the cuckold, but more about enjoying the wife slutiness.

For us (and I am sure it will be different for you) when it started two years ago, it was all about watching my wife enjoy another man. But to be honest, I have recently started enjoying temporarily losing some of my powers to the BF, although it is mostly done in a playful way. The BF is a great guy, and he knows exactly what my wife and I want out of the relationship and makes sure we are all happy. My wife is not crazy about the BF playfully trying to take some of my powers so we make sure we strike a balance to keep everyone comfortable.

 

[BobMichaels]

i'm sorry to be hesitant about getting into details of what happened and i know i need to get a better sense of where my wife's head is.

i revealed probably too much to a couple guys online, and that was stupid on my part.

My main concern is a guy meets us at a bar, seduces her, and then i'm sitting in the sandlot, like what have i done.

but i also think about that night, and masturbate etc, which is a reaction i never imagined i would have.

but basically can i assume as self-serving BS:

"I'm just going to get a read on her..."

or...

"this will strengthen your marriage"..."i've helped alot of couples"..."this will save it"..."just be a good boy"..."her happiness is more important"...

Should i just assume they're trying to mentally head-f*ck me for their own purposes?

I don't know if i could emotionally handle seeing my wife getting f'd, but i've listened to porn on headphones, the bed creaking etc, imagining i was hearing my wife that night.

i thought this would be a temporary thing.

I guess really my last question is,

did you feel like you were looking of a cliff, and jumping into the unknown, or did things proceed in a more methodical way, where there was mutual agreement, and things led to a logical place?

 

[tmw1966]

I will try to answer your questions:

For us things were a little bit more complicated; I had talked to my wife about my fantasy about Two years ago, my wife laughed about it and told me it would never happen, but for few months she kept teasing me about it, sometimes she will flirt with guys when we are out drinking. In April last year, she hooked up with a guy and slept with him, but I didn't know anything about it for two months, when she confessed to cheating and asked me if she could continue seeing him. It felt awkward, initially she was very apologetic, but later we started talking about in bed and it made sex great.

I was shaking when she was getting ready to go on her first date, I was in disbelief that my wife of 18 years was going on a date with another man, on the other hand I was so turned on by it.

It did spice up our marriage and transformed our rather boring marriage into a very interesting one. We also got closer, and became best friends.

My recommendation is to start slow, let her go out and flirt and see how you feel about it, and let it develop slowly, you will eventually find your sweet spot. You will always have conflicting feelings about it, we all do, and that's what makes it interesting.

 

[tmw1966]

i realized that I accidently put my forum ID as my yahoo ID. My Yahoo ID is tim_on_y

 

[BobMichaels]

thanks for the advice, my last final questions i swear...

i've basically continued to follow up with one guy i met online.

he knows the whole story about my wife cheating, or having sex that night, and says he will simply get a read on her for me.

Now if my wife takes a liking to him, I'm just wondering should I listen to this or head for the hills...

-she'll love me more because i was secure enough to gift her the gift of erotic freedom

-how he's just an aid to enjoyment, how he's not looking to take my wife

-but how that will take our erotic enjoyment to eleven (particularly pillow talk)

-how i will be harder than i've ever been

that last point i've been wondering about, i've heard that from a few men...

i don't know how i would emotionally handle/deal with just hearing my wife let alone seeing her with another man, but does that happen?

It's a terrifying leap/plunge for sure, but is that typical?

-