Steve

[k.sucks.you]

I came here tonight because I wanted a little support I suppose. Sorry to impose.

My wife occasionally "dates" other men. We both think it's fabulous! It's a turn on for me, and I really enjoy knowing that she's getting what she cannot get from me. She's also turned on spending time with more dominant/masculine (and well-endowed) men.

We've been married for ten years, so I understand that she needs a bit of excitement and "difference" in her life. We haven't had intercourse for many years, although she does thoroughly enjoy oral service from me (I *love* it too!). I'm really comfortable with all that.

I should mention that she knows that I am also attracted to men, and truthfully that's a turn off for her.

She generally keeps everything in her sex/dating life with others apart from me, even though she knows I'm dying to know any details. Usually she'll just tell me that she's "going out after work" or something. Her companions all know she's married, but I've only met one of them.


My post here is about her work colleague, Steve. She's going to spend three days in Napa with him this weekend at a romantic little inn. It's the first time she'll be gone so long. I'm giddy with excitement that she's going to get a wonderful sexual experience. On the other hand, I'm a little nervous about what this might mean for us, since it seems a bigger step. I was surprised when she told me about the trip, and I asked a few questions, but I certainly don't want her to believe I am "pushing" her.

It's really a matter of acceptance. I need to accept who I am, and the steps that led us all here. I obviously need to put my commitment to her and her needs first.

I've decided that I will not get myself off until after she returns on Sunday evening. I find that pent up "demand" on my part, helps me focus on her (as counter-intuitive as it may seem). I'm considering whether I should spend Saturday cross-dressed or finding some cocks to drain (or doing my taxes). Depending on when she gets back, I will kiss/cuddle and make her a great dinner (or breakfast). I'm going to attempt to get my tongue down her pants, but she's usually not into that after a date (as much as I'd love to gently and wetly caress a really well-fucked pussy).

As I write this, it all doesn't sound too healthy...

 

[jelous_of_wifes_bf]

This is concerning if she's not just after sex this time. Do you know much about Steve? What does he want out of this? I suggest finding out from your wife why she wants to go away with him. I can personally recommend denial as a means of shifting your focus to her. Not unhealthy just need to find out where your wife is at with regards to your marriage

 

[k.sucks.you]

I don't know anything about his motivation, other than I know he's very attracted to her.

She'd been talking about a getaway weekend with her girlfriends for some time. They never put it together. I believe that Steve later came into the idea.

You're right that communication is the key to this (and everything). My concern is only that I don't want to PUSH her into anything (or away from anything). I don't want to seem nosy that she will put up defenses. She hasn't shared, given opportunities and gentle prompting, so I've tried to give her some space.

The denial thing is just me.

 

[k.sucks.you]

Home...

She came home yesterday in time for dinner. Apparently Steve only stayed with her on Friday night. I didn't pry into the "why?" of that. She did say that she was disappointed about the rain all day Saturday, and said this wasn't a good weekend for the trip. Apparently she ate dinner alone on Saturday night in Napa (and she turned a guy away who asked her to join him). She visited wineries on Sunday alone.

I made her dinner and spooned and cuddled her last night. She was warm and appreciative. It was nice, although I don't think she's too happy...

 

[Custer Laststand]

[My wife] came home yesterday in time for dinner. Apparently Steve only stayed with her on Friday night. I didn't pry into the "why?" of that. She did say that she was disappointed about the rain all day Saturday, and said this wasn't a good weekend for the trip. Apparently she ate dinner alone on Saturday night in Napa (and she turned a guy away who asked her to join him). She visited wineries on Sunday alone. I made her dinner and spooned and cuddled her last night. She was warm and appreciative. It was nice, although I don't think she's too happy...

Sounds like your wife's planned 3-day tryst with her lover Steve didn't work out too well, since he departed after the first night (Fri.). If they really had the hots for each other, they would have been undeterred by the rain and welcomed that as "forcing them" to spend most of their time in bed with each other.

Since your wife then spent Saturday by herself sans lover, then turned away a potential alternative man, then spent part of Sunday still there by herself as well, that implies she wanted considerable time to think about her disappointment and what to do about it.

It also sounds like she was relieved and appreciative that you welcomed her home. (Good work.)

 

[k.sucks.you]

Yes. Thanks. I'm a bit torn, and sad that she's not that happy. She's texting with Steve quite a lot, so I'm pretty sure they're still on. I don't know what the ongoing situation actually is...

 

[Tokyocouple]

Sounds pretty strange.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Re.:

[My wife] came home yesterday in time for dinner. Apparently [her lover] Steve only stayed with her on Friday night. I didn't pry into the "why?" of that. She did say she was disappointed about the rain all day Saturday, and said this wasn't a good weekend for the trip. Apparently she ate dinner alone on Saturday night in Napa (and she turned a guy away who asked her to join him). She visited wineries on Sunday alone.

My suspicion is, your wife's lover wanted something from her she wasn't willing to give him — anal fucking, maybe? — so to give her a message she couldn't fail to interpret, he left rather than spend the rest of the weekend with her.

My guess would be, your wife then spent the rest of the weekend, by herself, contemplating whether rejecting whatever Steve wanted was the right thing to have done.

If they're still texting a lot, it sounds like negotiation (in effect) is in progress. I.e., neither of them wants to end their affair over whatever it was that caused their falling out, which now seems likely to be temporary.

 

[Tanboat05]

You need to tell her you want to know all the fucking details. Literally. Either way your situation is what it is so you guys need to accept it and have some enjoyment out of it or just go out yourself and find sex somewhere else. Giving or receiving.

 

[k.sucks.you]

We talked a bit about what happened on the weekend. Apparently Steve had to go away for a family thing, although it wasn't an emergency. She was disappointed that the weekend didn't work out, and felt that Steve could have planned things better.

The two of them are still "together", lunching, texting constantly, sharing books, etc. I don't think she's slept with him since that weekend however.

NEXT WEEK, my wife and I are going together for a holiday for a week. I hope we'll have fun of course, but I really hope that she will find someone (or two) on the trip to wildly fuck her. (I bought her a VERY nice bathing suit that she looks really great in.) If she is afraid to "cheat" on Steve, then I'll be a bit worried...

I'm trying to pump her up and get her in the mood and get her thinking about it... ;-)

 

[Custer Laststand]

We talked a bit about what happened on the weekend. ....

I suggest beginning a campaign to encourage your wife to overcome her (apparently natural) tendency to be secretive about her lover, and instead talk openly with you about her experiences... especially her intimate experiences... with him, by rewarding her whenever she does so. For instance, you might consider buying her a bouquet of flowers and, as you give it to her with a passionate kiss, explain it's to show your appreciation that she talked with you about her (unfortunately-abortive) weekend with Steve. Then, as time passes, increase your rewards... larger and more expensive bouquets, for instance, increasing to taking her out to a nice restaurant for dinners... as your wife talked with you more and in greater detail about her lover.

The two of them are still "together", lunching, texting constantly, sharing books, etc. I don't think she's slept with him since that weekend however.

OK. It sounds like your wife may be giving her lover a "message" (she isn't pleased about his lack of planning for their weekend together), but not too severe a message.

NEXT WEEK, my wife and I are going together for a holiday for a week. I hope we'll have fun of course, but I really hope that she will find someone (or two) on the trip to wildly fuck her.

Good. You have the right attitude...

I bought her a VERY nice bathing suit that she looks really great in.

Excellent. That was a good way to express your approval of her indulging her sexuality.

If she is afraid to "cheat" on Steve, then I'll be a bit worried.

Concern would be justified. It's good for your wife to have a lover, even a stable of lovers, but not good for her to spend all her time preoccupied with one other man, and especially not good for her to see the same lover every day and spend multiple days alone with him away from home.

I'm trying to pump her up and get her in the mood and get her thinking about it... ;-)

You might consider initiating your reward system — if you decide to go this route — by rewarding your wife in some way that's beyond "minor" if she seduces a new man she hasn't met before and fucks him. And, reward her again... in bigger ways... if she fucks more than one new man during your vacation. Adopting this strategy may help her realize her sexual satisfaction is not dependent on having only one lover (Steve).

If your wife recognizes she can maximize her sexual satisfaction by taking multiple lovers, I suspect that will reduce the chances of you losing her to a particular lover (i.e., Steve).

 

[k.sucks.you]

Thanks, I appreciate your thoughts. I do think she's not going to be led into doing something she doesn't feel comfortable if I just give her rewards. What can I give her? She's got to want it for herself, and she's a strong and successful woman in her own right.

We did just have a wonderful weekend at the beach together and we talked more than we have in some months. She understands better why I enjoy sharing her with others, and she feels good that I'm not totally gay. The place we went had beautiful weather and there were LOTS of fit and handsome men all over the place. (Some were even straight! ) She didn't hook up with anyone though (and neither did I) although there were a few fun flirting events.

As we talked, I learned just how much she loves and values Steve. She doesn't want to jeopardize his future (family, kids, etc.) She's worried that she's not being a good friend, and she doesn't want to lose his friendship. She texted him constantly during our trip and sent some of the "beach" photos I took. She called him last night as well. He's out of town, so she will go see him Wednesday after work. I know she's REALLY looking forward to it. (Last night as I fingered her, we whispered about the things they were going to do.) I want to get her something special to wear. She's aching and dripping for it!

We also decided that she should talk more with Steve about their future (but maybe not talk on Wednesday! ;-). She should see if he's really being held back...

The deal is that by the time she's ready for sex with someone, she's already good friends and then the friendship and sex get all mixed up. We decided to look for someone that's just going to be about sex. This will be harder and more time consuming we're sure, and we're going to give this online thing a shot. This week, we're going to setup a profile on a site like OKCupid (ideas for a better one?).

 

[Custer Laststand]

Thanks, I appreciate your thoughts. I do think she's not going to be led into doing something she doesn't feel comfortable if I just give her rewards. What can I give her? She's got to want it for herself, and she's a strong and successful woman in her own right.

You're welcome. Your rewards to your wife should never be identified as such, and should not necessarily be "expensive" (since your wife can buy whatever she wants for herself, it sounds like). Rather, they should symbolize your romantic love for her and convey the message that her seducing and fucking other men causes you to love her even more. Possibilities would be flowers (as I suggested). Other possibilities would be an evening out at a nice restaurant, and/or a play, or concert, or whatever form of entertainment appeals to her.

Going on a vacation with your wife and talking openly about her sexual interests in other men, while accepting her communications with her lover (without becoming tense or angry), and encouraging your wife to take another man during your vacation, was a very good form of reward.

We decided to look for someone that's just going to be about sex. This will be harder and more time consuming we're sure, and we're going to give this online thing a shot. This week, we're going to setup a profile on a site like OKCupid (ideas for a better one?).

I think that would be wise. Your wife's relationship with Steve seems overly hot and heavy. Given that he's married himself and has a family, I have the impression that if his wife were to find out and become enraged, and if he were to end his torrid affair with your wife for that reason, your wife would be crushed.

It's positive that your wife has a lover, but it's not good for her to be emotionally-dependent on her lover. From this point of view, taking multiple other men would most likely be a good thing.

 

[k.sucks.you]

I think that would be wise. Your wife's relationship with Steve seems overly hot and heavy. Given that he's married himself and has a family, I have the impression that if his wife were to find out and become enraged, and if he were to end his torrid affair with your wife for that reason, your wife would be crushed.

Actually, Steve is NOT married. He has told my wife that someday he would like to get married and have kids. With her, that's not possible.


Now that we're home from vacation, tonight we spent a couple hours (together) on OKCupid (and even looked around on other sites [swingerlifestyle, and adultfriendfinder]). She's a bit daunted by the whole thing, and has second-thoughts about an online approach. (She can pick up guys if she wants, but the available pool is always so much smaller, no matter where she goes. I'm pretty sad about that...)

I would love for her to meet a second, local guy as a "friend with benefits" (with emphasis on the "benefits", rather than the "friend".) Not sure how I'm going to help her do it...


This morning she told me that she needed to cum, so I helped her out. Before she came, I asked her to think about the upcoming Wednesday with Steve and to tell me what she wanted to do with him. She had a very powerful and long lasting orgasm. My scalp hurt, but it was totally worth it. I'll go shopping tomorrow for some new lingerie which I'll give her Tuesday. I'll get champagne too, but only drink it with her late Wednesday night (or maybe Thursday morning (mimosas or something)).

 

[Custer Laststand]

Actually, Steve is NOT married.

Oh. Sorry about that...

He has told my wife that someday he would like to get married and have kids. With her, that's not possible.

Hm... it sounds like in that sense, your marriage is secure. Unless, of course, Steve and your wife decide adoption is a reasonable option then run off together....

Now that we're home from vacation, tonight we spent a couple hours (together) on OKCupid, and even looked around on other sites (swingerlifestyle, and adultfriendfinder). She's a bit daunted by the whole thing, and has second-thoughts about an online approach.

If you live in or near a fairly large urban area, you and your strongly-sexed wife might consider looking up a (possibly nearby, or at least not too distant) swingers club. Apparently those clubs typically allow interested couples to visit and "look around at the others and the action" without participating. You could go with an understanding that if your wife sees anyone of interest, she could flirt with him some then fuck him (if she wants; with suitable protection; i.e., put a condom on him). If not, well... she would be under no obligation, presumably, to fuck anyone. In either case, you could agree to refrain from fucking anyone there, if that's your wife's preference (and if you could handle it).

Having said this, I'll confess I've never been to a swing club. Others on this forum have suggested this approach, however, and it strikes me as a good way to go, potentially... at least as a way to get started.

She can pick up guys if she wants...

That's a plus...

...but, the available pool is always so much smaller, no matter where she goes.

That's sort of the way life is. Attractive women one knows more-or-less immediately one would go to bed with, if that were a possibility, tend to be married or otherwise unavailable. A woman looking for an available hot man, I would guess, often finds the same thing.

I would love for her to meet a second, local guy as a "friend with benefits" (with emphasis on the "benefits" rather than on "friend"). Not sure how I'm going to help her do it...

My impression is, you and your wife will be most likely to succeed if you confine your search to people who are looking for sex with married women instead of looking throughout the population at large. The "swinger club approach" I suggested above, if it's feasible in your area, would enable the two of you to get a personal feeling for a candidate before your wife actually takes him to bed. It seems likely to be safer — given the probabilistic nature... hence uncertainty... of making judgements about others — than looking for candidates online, which strikes me as risky at best.

This morning she told me that she needed to cum, so I helped her out.

Good work.

Before she came, I asked her to think about the upcoming Wednesday with Steve and to tell me what she wanted to do with him. She had a very powerful and long lasting orgasm.

Awright. It sounds like you're getting closer to your goal of coaxing your sexy wife to talk with you about her intimate experiences with her lover, and what he does that heavily turns her on. If so, you may also be moving closer to becoming your wife's source of emotional support — that being where you want to be, as her husband — while she obtains intense (additional) sex from her lover.

My scalp hurt, but it was totally worth it.

Your scalp...? Did your wife attain a long, intense orgasm by queening you...? If so, hey... whatever works.

I'll go shopping tomorrow for some new lingerie which I'll give her Tuesday. I'll get champagne too, but only drink it with her late Wednesday night (or maybe Thursday morning).

Those sound like good rewards. Hopefully your wife will respond favorably...

 

[k.sucks.you]

Well she had a great time on Wednesday. She came home late, but didn't want any thing from me. When she woke up about 5am, I licked her to orgasm, but she was very clean by then. There's some drama going on with Steve that I don't understand, but she's planning to see him again next Tuesday. Things seem to be okay there in the big picture there.

We went out for dinner last night and talked about her finding an additional FWB/fuck-buddy instead of someone that she is so emotionally involved with. She's still not so excited about the online thing, but I think I started to crack this. She (wisely) doesn't want someone from work, and she doesn't see people in the places we visit that are terribly interesting to her.

Just FYI, she wants someone in his 30s, with a northern European look, masculine and fit, with good job, nice place to fuck, not too far away (bay area), etc. Tinder, PoF, AFF, or what website is best?

Thanks to everyone who commented in this thread. I think I'm good now...

 

[Custer Laststand]

Well, [my wife] had a great time [with her lover Steve] on Wednesday. She came home late ... When she woke up about 5 am, I licked her to orgasm...

Good. And, good work.

... but, she was very clean by then.

Maybe she took a shower and cleaned herself up before leaving her lover's place, if she's.. perhaps secretly... self-conscious about you cleaning up her pussy with your tongue when she comes home.

There's some drama going on with Steve that I don't understand...

This should fall within the scope of emotional problems your wife talks with you about. Not because you would tell her how to "fix it" or "propose a solution" (you should definitely resist the urge to take typical male approaches of that nature, IMO), but because... ideally... it would be a good thing if you could bring her around to viewing you as her source of emotional support.

You might consider encouraging her by suggesting an evening glass of wine, then begin by (for instance) licking and kissing her feet, to indicate your intention of listening (your mouth and tongue would be busy), while — as she enjoys her wine — pause briefly to say you have the impression there's some sort of drama going on between her and Steve; if she would like to talk about it you would like to listen. Then, return to licking and kissing her feet, and perhaps begin working your way up her lower legs. The ball will then be in your wife's court. If she begins telling you what's going on, you'll be ideally positioned to listen without interrupting, making only brief comments to encourage her to keep talking. If she says something like "not now, sweetheart," don't try to overcome her reluctance. Rather, continue licking her feet, perhaps then working your way up her legs and finishing with her pussy.

Something along these lines would tend to minimize the chances, IMO, of your wife viewing your attempt to encourage her to talk as "trying to pry into her affairs" (so to speak).

...but, she's planning to see him again next Tuesday. Things seem to be okay there in the big picture.

Sounds good. It would still be desirable, though (IMO), if you could draw your wife out with respect to talking about her emotional difficulties with her lover (or in the future, you hope, lovers).

We went out for dinner last night and talked about her finding an additional FWB/fuck-buddy instead of someone that she is so emotionally involved with.

Cool. (But, what's an "FWB/fuck-buddy" as opposed to a "fuck-buddy"?)

She's still not so excited about the online thing, but I think I started to crack this. She (wisely) doesn't want someone from work, and she doesn't see people in the places we visit that are terribly interesting to her.

Not taking co-workers as lovers is probably a good policy. At the risk of stating the obvious: when they decide to end their affair, they would still be co-workers — sort of like a married couple deciding to get divorced, then having to continue living together in the same house.

Just FYI, she wants someone in his 30s, with a northern European look, masculine and fit, with good job, nice place to fuck, not too far away (bay area), etc

These sound like criteria a lot of women would use to select candidates for marriage (with or without the "northern European look" criterion). Whenever your wife encounters such a man, more than likely he'll be married or in an LTR.

What website is best?

Your wife, or both of you, might consider selecting a site that caters to married women seeking lovers. There are a fair number of them "out there;" just google it. That would tend to narrow the field to men who want what your wife wants. If you live in the S.F. Bay area, I would guess there are quite a few.

Thanks to everyone who commented in this thread. I think I'm good now...

You're welcome. And, that's good to hear.

 

[Loopy69]

I want to be your neighbor!!!