What's my next step?

[jluck88]

A few weeks ago I was able to take my wife out and stay overnight in a hotel (very rare with family and schedules). She's very conservative and inexperienced. I never brought up the subject of introducing another guy because I'm 80-90% certain she's take offense to it. I've tried to very gradually do role play in the bedroom, but with no success or input from her.

Then, in the hotel, we had a fun night. I came inside her and about 30 minutes later, entered her again. I do tell her I like the way her pussy feels when it's full of cum (again, something very rare as she's not on on BC and I rarely get to cum once in her). As I'm fucking her, I say, "wow, you're really full of cum." She shocked me with her reply, "I let Derrick cum inside me."

This is the first sentence ever out of her mouth that showed any interest in roleplay. And she "invented" Derrick. Now I'm wondering about my next step to slowly move this forward.

 

[Chaste4River]

Congratulations on getting her to fantasize about another man! The fact that she invented this "Derrick" person means she is at least interested in playing around with the idea of letting another man fuck her and then coming home to you. It will still take some time to get her to want to do this for real, but if you keep playing with the idea, she may warm up to it. Encourage her to explore the fantasy with you through roleplay. Blindfold her and pretend to be the other guy. Buy her a realistic dildo and tell her you want to watch her fuck herself with it. If you have no objections to birth control, tell her you'd like her to start taking it because you love the way she feels when she's full of cum and you want to experience that more often. Subtly imply that it's not just your cum you want to fill her with. Above all, though, be patient. She's only recently allowed herself to express this fantasy with you, and she may not yet know whether it's something that she really likes. Be sure to be open and honest with her about how it makes you feel. If she sees that you are turned on by the idea, she'll be more open to it.

Good luck, and I look forward to hearing more about your journey into this lifestyle.

 

[2wheel]

Opportunity abounds. Go slow grasshopper, be gentle but persistent.

 

[jluck88]

Thanks all, good advice...

 

[jluck88]

So I had sex with my wife again today. I took it slow but it was a slight step backwards. I tried to get her to open up as to what turns her on. I told her the "naughty hotwife," is something I would love to see her roleplay as. She tells me she's into "kindness, love, not a slut," lovemaking. All I could think of was, ok, I can give you that, if you can roleplay with me. We left it there. She's a creature of habit and she's shy, so it won't be easy moving forward.

 

[Sowrong]

Hey Jluck, don't knock your progress, some of us would love to hear their wives mention another guy during sex. I can't offer any practical advice but I'm sure others can but good luck and be happy knowing that at least your wife has shown some willing/inclination.

 

[Custer Laststand]

My impression is, you’re facing a hard road to hoe.

In part 1 of the 8-part article “A Wife into a Hotwife” that begins here:

http colon doubleslash www dot hotwifeblog dot com/2007/05/23/wife-into-hotwife/

note that the author, Dr. Cherry Lee, states early-on:

“Some women immediately embrace the opportunity for sexual freedom. However, I also know that many more are not interested in becoming hotwives, even though they enjoy sex and may have had numerous sexual partners before marriage. Negative cultural and personal conditioning about sexual exclusivity is just too strong. In short, it will never happen. A woman should be in control of her body, and to try to push her into things that she is 100% dead set against will only cause major problems. So if this is clearly the case, forget it; move on to other things in life.”

I suggest being prepared for this being the situation with your wife.

By way of determining whether your wife has potential (so to speak), you might try proceeding along the lines of the above 8-part article which outlines what might be described as a reasonable plan of action. But, be aware that pushing it too hard could ruin your marriage.

 

[jluck88]

Thanks. I understand I may need to prepare for her never wanting it. But I also don't want it to be because I didn't clearly ask for it. And if I do ask and she says no, what will be her perception of me going forward (pervert)?

 

[charl1245]

Im in a similar position to you, one thing though, i bought my wife a vibrator which she has named…………… she refers to it as her bf, so we have moved on a little by association

 

[Custer Laststand]

Thanks. I understand I may need to prepare for her never wanting it.

You're welcome. And, OK.

Incidentally (or rather, not incidentally), if that's your wife in the photo with your initial post, she looks — from what can be seen of her — like a very attractive, young, and... potentially... strongly-sexual woman. If the "88" in your screen name is your birth year, that suggests you and your wife are mid- to late- 20's. If so, you have a long time ahead of you to patiently work on this "problem."

But, I also don't want it to be because I didn't clearly ask for it.

That's a reasonable way to view it. I suspect, however, that telling your wife directly you'd be really turned on if she were to make you her cuckold would not be the best way to go (probably), for reasons related to the differences in the ways women and men think about things... especially things like that.

Instead, I suggest approaching the whole subject indirectly, first setting up an appropriate atmosphere... say, both of you enjoying glasses of wine in the evening, listening to some soft music... then mentioning you've come across some interesting concepts re. marriage and relationships, and you'd be interesting what her thoughts are. Then, suggest she read:

Evolutionary theories supporting hotwives and cuckold husbands:

http colon doubleslash www dot moderndirections dot com slash evolution2 dot htm

and, afterwards (having set aside your laptop and returned to your glasses of wine), spend some time talking about it.

Then, give her some time to think about it, ranging from a few minutes to a few days, depending on how she responds. Then, in a similar setting... more glasses of wine and soft music in the evening... introduce your wife to*:

Overdue sexual emancipation of women:

http colon doubleslash www dot moderndirections dot com slash a22 dot htm

And, similarly, spend some time talking about it after she's read it. Then, also, give her some time to think about it, ranging from a few minutes to a few days, depending on how she seems to be responding.

Then, introduce your wife to:

The hotwife phenomenon:

http colon doubleslash www dot moderndirections dot com slash 46 dot htm

and suggest she read it. Then, spend some time talking about it afterwards. At this point, she may say something to the effect that "all that is interesting, but because of the way I've been brought up, I could never do it."

That's OK. If she says something along those lines, just accept it as the way she feels. Don't argue with her. Let it ride for a while.

The main point is, you will have introduced the concept to your wife without actually saying you would like to transition to a "cuckold husband / hotwife" form of marriage. If you do so in this way, I suggest you can be confident your wife won't forget about the concept of sexual freedom... the freedom to date, seduce and fuck other men... within the security of her marriage to you, in which you agree to remain sexually faithful and her source of emotional support.

And, if I do ask and she says no, what will be her perception of me going forward (pervert)?

If you approach it along the above lines, you won't have to worry about whether your wife considers you a "pervert," because you will not have asked her for anything that may not be in accordance with her "values." Rather, you will merely have introduced her to an interesting marriage concept that some couples find rewarding (evidently). You'll have introduced it as something to talk about, but not necessarily anything to "take seriously."

[* These articles are well-written and are not pornographic.]

 

[jluck88]

@Custer Laststand, they won't let me give you any more reps right now. I can't thank you enough for the advice. I forgot why I chose 88. I think it's random. She's actually 39, but recently dropped a lot of weight so she's looking a bit younger. I know I wouldn't have issues finding a guy interested. She more into romance than sex. One direction I may take (after a slow buildup and some roleplay) will be to ask if she'd like to go out to dinner and "whatever" with a man she found attractive. I think the "wife returns home from date," is a bigger turn-on for me than cuckold, so maybe she'd be more into it for the romance aspect of it. Yes... I'm aware of sex versus emotional attachment. Something else I need to think about, but I'm not too concerned about that. She's very faithful.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Custer Laststand, they won't let me give you any more reps right now.

What are "reps" all about? I have no idea...

I can't thank you enough for the advice.

You're welcome...

My wife is 39, but recently dropped a lot of weight so she's looking a bit younger.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with 39. Lots of sexually-active women are 39 (and older). There seems to be increasing acceptance that men reach their sexual peak around 18 to early-20's, while women reach their sexual peaks in their 30's — and it can last a long time beyond that. (Maybe you should mention that to your wife.)

I notice you didn’t comment on the articles I suggested. Perhaps you didn’t find them relevant…? Or, perhaps you didn’t think they would appeal to your wife’s mindset…? Or, maybe both…?

They’re from a site called “Modern Directions in Human Sexuality,” which bears on the problem you’re trying to address. An index page for many of the articles and letters on this site can be found here:

http colon doubleslash moderndirections dot com slash

You might spend some time reading around on this site. You may find articles you think your wife may respond to in positive ways. Those I suggested seem to me to be a good starting point, but you should, of course, use your own judgement.

Your comments about your wife being “very faithful” suggest she may be insecure, and fearful that if she expresses even the slightest interest in other men you will become angry with her (even though you say you won’t), and that will lead to destruction of her relationship with you.

If so, that… or variations on that theme… would not be unusual. Many married men on this site have said things indicating that when they begin trying to interest their wives in taking lovers, it’s common for their wives to assume they have ulterior motives, such as wanting to have an excuse to pursue other women (which, of course, their wives doesn’t want).

Thus, instead of thinking in terms of how to persuade your wife to take an interest in flirting with (and, ultimately, dating, seducing, and fucking) other men, you might consider beginning with a program to increase her self-confidence.

A way to do that, potentially, may be to introduce your wife to the site “Real Women Don’t Do Housework,” here:

http colon doubleslash www dot rwddh dot com slash index dot html?load=quiz

(or, google it).

You might begin by suggesting your wife take the quiz at the preceding link. (If you think she will skew her answers if she knows you will look at them, I suggest asking her to take it for herself only; tell her you won’t look at her answers.)

Then, suggest you wife start with the “Introduction,” at top left, then work her way through the chapters. (It will take her some time to carefully read, and think about, everything the author “Lady Misato” says.)

As your wife works her way through the RWDDH site, I suggest setting aside some time each evening to talk with her about it, in a relaxed atmosphere over glasses of wine.

If you decide to go this route, you should be prepared to accept some changes in your own behavior vis-a-vis your wife that may not seem “usual and customary” for a “respectable married man” (such as, perhaps, yourself).

 

[jluck88]

Reps are like thumbs up.

I did read all your links. They are helpful, but they were info I had already. I do have a few new minor developments. This weekend I told her I wanted her to roleplay the hotwife who has been naughty. We got on the conversation of wives sleeping with other men, and I told her I don't think I'd be the jealous type. She replied instantly, "That means you would cheat on me!"

Fortunately, for the first time I was totally prepared. Thanks to some prep articles and all of you, I immediately say "no, that's not what it means at all," and firmly stated I could have that feeling without wanting to cheat or be with another woman at all. I did not take the topic too deep.

That night, I kept trying to get her to talk dirty as a hotwife. She said she doesn't like cheating and preferred to play "the **********." Ironically, she made an excellent ********** as she absolutely refused to talk to me about what she did with her previous clients. LOL

So she still has the "I don't want to cheat," in her head. She is horrified by the concept of cheating. So this is the next hurdle I need to talk to her slowly about.