Your new advice forum from the talented SandyWho!

[imported_imported_dig420]

Sandy will answer all your questions about what it means to be involved in an interracial relationship and how to deal with the trials and tribulations that can come up with friends and family. If you ask nice, maybe you can get her to post up some of her artwork, which by the way, can be seen in gallery format inside the darkcavern.com member's area

 

[Homer]

Made hot and back

My question is if there are black guys taht will seduce and get a frigid whit five hot for sex and then let her return to me. I don't especially want to see my wife with a balck guy (or any other color) just want her hot!

 

[JediCowboy]

Homer....as in Homer Vargas? im a pretty damned big fan.

 

[boomshakk]

wow...

My question is if there are black guys taht will seduce and get a frigid whit five hot for sex and then let her return to me. I don't especially want to see my wife with a balck guy (or any other color) just want her hot!

thats a pretty tall order, son

 

[Neat 'n Petite]

As a huge fan of SandyWho, I'm happy to see she's agreed to entertain questions and commentary from our DC membership on the subject of IR relationships, especially since this subject touches my family very closely.

Accordingly, my question relates to how to deal with the mother of my daughter's black bf, who is very unsympathetic to her son's involvement with a white girl. As a result, her attitude with us is very cool and distant.

 

[muleman]

As a huge fan of SandyWho, I'm happy to see she's agreed to entertain questions and commentary from our DC membership on the subject of IR relationships, especially since this subject touches my family very closely.

Accordingly, my question relates to how to deal with the mother of my daughter's black bf, who is very unsympathetic to her son's involvement with a white girl. As a result, her attitude with us is very cool and distant.

Hey Neat I'm not Sandy but I think I know where you are comming from. Some mothers are really protective of their boys. Depending on the age of his mother alot of the older mothers didn't like their boys going with white girls. There's alot of strong feelings that goes way back on this issue. Just like white mothers not wanting their daughters going with a Black person. The race issue in the past has had a great impact on these relationships. All you can do is be friendly and show respect and let time take its coarse. She might change her ways and might not depending on her upbringing. You are a kind and nice person so let time work it. She might change. If not don't try and push it you might really turn her unsympathetic. SMILE PRETTY LADY MULEMAN

 

[Neat 'n Petite]

Hey Neat I'm not Sandy but I think I know where you are comming from. Some mothers are really protective of their boys. Depending on the age of his mother alot of the older mothers didn't like their boys going with white girls. There's alot of strong feelings that goes way back on this issue. Just like white mothers not wanting their daughters going with a Black person. The race issue in the past has had a great impact on these relationships. All you can do is be friendly and show respect and let time take its coarse. She might change her ways and might not depending on her upbringing. You are a kind and nice person so let time work it. She might change. If not don't try and push it you might really turn her unsympathetic. SMILE PRETTY LADY MULEMAN

Thanks for offering your own insight, but I'd still like to have Sandy's viewpoint since she a bit more experience in the matter.

 

[boomshakk]

is sandy

Thanks for offering your own insight, but I'd still like to have Sandy's viewpoint since she a bit more experience in the matter.

even involved ? this thread sounds like a prank. who is that dude and why does he think he represents sandy?

 

[muleman]

even involved ? this thread sounds like a prank. who is that dude and why does he think he represents sandy?

Hey boomshakk if your thinking that my post to neat was me representing Sandy I wasn't intending to. At the begining I said I wasn't Sandy. The only reason I said anything was because growing up I encountered the same with my white girlfriends family so I was just kicking some of my experience out . I can tell that she didn't care for my imput as a polite way of telling me to screw off so I'll leave it at that. Take Care Muleman

 

[SandyWho]

Neat-

I actually agree with Muleman but perhaps with a bit of a different view. As the mother of two boys, I know I am overly protective and yes, I do worry about the girls they date and the friends they associate with... what mother doesn't? But what worries me more is how silly kids today can be when it comes to their relationships and view of sex.

I am pretty sure one of my sons is not a virgin anymore and doubt his girlfriend has even a basic understanding of contraception. When I tried to discuss my concerns with his father I got the "boys will be boys" wink, wink speech. I almost slapped him. Excuse me? Are you really ready to have grandchildren? And what happened to our hope that our son would go on to becoming a doctor or dentist or the next Bill Gates? It is a lot harder when you are responsible for a baby. Oh, and assuming that abortion is an option, did you Mr. Cheapskate want to help pay for it? Might cut into that golf vacation you and your buddies have been planning for the last 6 months.

At least my son's girlfriend is white and her parents are pretty much like us. So I know that if there is a problem, we will not be dealing with the cultural and racial issues that would occur if she was black.

So, Neat, if the parents of your daughter's boyfriend are not friendly to you, look at it from their point of view. They certainly do not want their son have his future hurt by getting involve with the "wrong" sort of girl... and yes, I mean "white", and worse, they may have little in common with you and how do you approach each other if some was to happen that would affect both families?

I am not sure how you break down barriers, I am not sure they want them broken down, but I do know, it is your daughter and not you who will help break them down if their relationship becomes serious. If they view her as "respectful" and not "white trash" they may accept his dating her. I am not sure that I was ever able to win over my BF mother but at least she stopped being hostile towards me when she saw me being respectful to her and subservient to her baby boy. In the mean time, as Muleman suggests, "...don't try and push it you might really turn her unsympathetic."

Oh, one last thing, and I know it sounds silly but I really mean it... teach your daughter to cook! I am not a great cook but I enjoy doing it and the fact that I learned how to make some of my BFs favorite dishes really helped with Mam-ma. I have talked to other women in interracial marriages and relationships and they all agree-- learn how to cook!

 

[Neat 'n Petite]

Hey boomshakk if your thinking that my post to neat was me representing Sandy I wasn't intending to. At the begining I said I wasn't Sandy. The only reason I said anything was because growing up I encountered the same with my white girlfriends family so I was just kicking some of my experience out . I can tell that she didn't care for my imput as a polite way of telling me to screw off so I'll leave it at that. Take Care Muleman

Muleman, please don't read too much into my response. Certainly nothing was intended as an invitation from me for you to "screw off". On the contrary, as Sandy's remarks indicate, you were pretty much on target.

I was just wanting to hear another woman's reflection on what I perceive to be a fairly common reaction from the parents of IR couples.

 

[muleman]

Muleman, please don't read too much into my response. Certainly nothing was intended as an invitation from me for you to "screw off". On the contrary, as Sandy's remarks indicate, you were pretty much on target.

I was just wanting to hear another woman's reflection on what I perceive to be a fairly common reaction from the parents of IR couples.

I understand Neat, I can only imagine what a tough time it is for you with this happening. I wish that the outcome is what you want to happen. I only know you through your post and I always told you that I think you're a very lovely person. Hang in there you're still my no1 girl. Sending you a big HUG
Muleman

 

[Neat 'n Petite]

Neat-

I actually agree with Muleman but perhaps with a bit of a different view. As the mother of two boys, I know I am overly protective and yes, I do worry about the girls they date and the friends they associate with... what mother doesn't? But what worries me more is how silly kids today can be when it comes to their relationships and view of sex.

I am pretty sure one of my sons is not a virgin anymore and doubt his girlfriend has even a basic understanding of contraception. When I tried to discuss my concerns with his father I got the "boys will be boys" wink, wink speech. I almost slapped him. Excuse me? Are you really ready to have grandchildren? And what happened to our hope that our son would go on to becoming a doctor or dentist or the next Bill Gates? It is a lot harder when you are responsible for a baby. Oh, and assuming that abortion is an option, did you Mr. Cheapskate want to help pay for it? Might cut into that golf vacation you and your buddies have been planning for the last 6 months.

At least my son's girlfriend is white and her parents are pretty much like us. So I know that if there is a problem, we will not be dealing with the cultural and racial issues that would occur if she was black.

So, Neat, if the parents of your daughter's boyfriend are not friendly to you, look at it from their point of view. They certainly do not want their son have his future hurt by getting involve with the "wrong" sort of girl... and yes, I mean "white", and worse, they may have little in common with you and how do you approach each other if some was to happen that would affect both families?

I am not sure how you break down barriers, I am not sure they want them broken down, but I do know, it is your daughter and not you who will help break them down if their relationship becomes serious. If they view her as "respectful" and not "white trash" they may accept his dating her. I am not sure that I was ever able to win over my BF mother but at least she stopped being hostile towards me when she saw me being respectful to her and subservient to her baby boy. In the mean time, as Muleman suggests, "...don't try and push it you might really turn her unsympathetic."

Oh, one last thing, and I know it sounds silly but I really mean it... teach your daughter to cook! I am not a great cook but I enjoy doing it and the fact that I learned how to make some of my BFs favorite dishes really helped with Mam-ma. I have talked to other women in interracial marriages and relationships and they all agree-- learn how to cook!

Sandy, thanks so much for your thoughtful words of encouragement. The cooking suggestion was totally unexpected, but in our case, I've managed to instruct our daughter to feel comfortable around the kitchen, which I may just put to the test...at the proper time.

I tried to compose a more detailed response, but the silly DC site set-up, with it's frustrating 15-minute window of opportunity, disconnected me just as I was about to submit it. All that effort to thank you, wasted.

 

[lovelyredhead]

Can anyone tell me if there are any interacial dance clubs in Grand Rapids Michigan. I would love to find one so I can go dancing and maybe even get lucky. Thanks Red

 

[BandJ]

We are a mwc where the wife is now pregnant with her black lover. We have planned this for a long time and now it has happened. We have just passed the first 12 weeks. We have good support from one of our families, the other is more conservative. We can allow ourselves to be independant, which of course is a big asset.
Any other married couples with similar experience?