Boyfriend is horny girlfriend not...

[lovesexfun]

Hello,
I got to know about this website on internet and thought may be I may find think alike people or people with similar situation to give some serious advice.

I am in a relationship from past 7 years with my beautifulI girlfriend and soon planning to get married and start our marriage life,like all relationships we had our ups and downs.

In last 7 years my sexual desires have hit another level and I want to try different sexual lifestyle, positions and fantasies but for my girlfriend it is vice versa. We used to have sex everyday in our initial years and now it has come down to twice a month or thrice if i am lucky. We have already talked about it so many times about me being sexually active all the time and her only on few occasions but it has not improved our situation. Now I feel like I am getting horny day by day and when I ask her she is also admitting to be horny and feels for me but she doesn't want to have sex as much as I do which eventually makes me masturbate.

In last 1 year I have been watching only IR porn and developed a feeling of sharing or seeing her with some another man or BBC(though I don't know if we have many BBC around in our country)but since she is not having sex with me on many occasions how will I ask her to have sex with other men for me to see and give visual pleasure of satisfaction. Do you think if she has sex with other men it might boost her sexual energy which seems to be dying everyday? Or there is something else ?

I don't know how to go about it when our sex life is not excited anymore. Is there a way I can make her feel sexual again? Have any of you been to such situation? What did you do to resolve it?

My girlfriend details
33 years , 5'7 feet, 34B , 75 kg.
Note: very restrictive in sex like no blowjob's, no kissing her after licking her pussy etc etc...could be a different post for that for sure .

Thanks

 

[Custer Laststand]

Hello.

Hello.

I got to know about this website on the Internet, and thought maybe I may find think-alike people, or people in similar situations, to give some serious advice.

Welcome to the forum! I'll give it a shot.

I am in a relationship from past 7 years with my beautifulI girlfriend.

Very good. Congratulations. If you and your woman have been together for 7 years prior to deciding to get married, though, you've probably already passed the time of maximum sexual attraction to each other involving fucking (e.g.) every day.

Soon we are planning to get married and start our married life. Like all relationships, we have had our ups and downs.

OK......

In last 7 years my sexual desires have hit another level and I want to try different sexual lifestyle, positions and fantasies but for my girlfriend it is vice versa. We used to have sex everyday in our initial years and now it has come down to twice a month or thrice if i am lucky.

I seem to recall reading surveys which find that couples in long-term marriages fuck roughly once or twice a week. If you and your woman have been together 7 years, and you aren't even married yet, and your fucking has decreased to 2 or 3 times per month, that isn't a good sign.

We have already talked about it many times, about me being sexually active all the time and her only on a few occasions, but it has not improved our situation.

I wouldn't expect "talking about it" to improve your situation.

Now I feel like I am getting horny day by day. When I ask her she is also admitting to be horny, and she feels for me, but she doesn't want to have sex as much as I do. This eventually makes me masturbate.

Sounds like your woman told you the truth: she doesn't want sex anywhere near as often as you do. Re. masturbation: the vast majority of married men masturbate, like the vast majority of single men. There's nothing "evil" or even "out of the ordinary" about it. According to:

Baker, Robin, Ph.D., Sperm Wars: The Science of Sex

(which you should read — Baker is an evolutionary biologist; it's a fascinating science-for-the layperson book), most men ejaculate, on average, about 4 times per week. This can be via sex with a partner, masturbation, nocturnal emissions, or some combination of all three.

In the last 1 year, I have been watching only IR porn and developed a feeling of sharing or seeing her with some other man or BBC (though I don't know if we have many BBC's around in our country). But, since she is not having sex with me on many occasions, how will I ask her to have sex with other men for me [while I find] visual pleasure [and] satisfaction [in watching]?

You might consider trying a strategy along the lines of the 8-part article that begins here:

Turning a wife into a Hotwife
http://www.hotwifeblog.com/2007/05/23/wife-into-hotwife/

Do you think if she has sex with other men it might boost her sexual energy, which seems to be dying everyday? Or there is something else?

Hard to say. It is possible to say, however, that sex drive — like other human characteristics (athletic ability, musical ability, mathematical talent, etc.) — varies considerably among individuals. Some people have more of it and others have less. If your woman (despite being physically attractive) has a low sex drive, as appears to be the case, I suggest thinking carefully before you marry her, given that the two of you appear to be sexually incompatible. If you do get married, your sexual incompatibility seems likely to become a serious source of long-term frustration for you.

I know suggesting you look for a woman with whom you're more sexually-compatible (or at least, less incompatible) is not the kind of advice you're looking for. But, it's the best suggestion I can offer, based on the limited information you've provided in your post.

 

[lovesexfun]

Hello.

Welcome to the forum! I'll give it a shot.

Very good. Congratulations. If you and your woman have been together for 7 years prior to deciding to get married, though, you've probably already passed the time of maximum sexual attraction to each other involving fucking (e.g.) every day.

OK......

I seem to recall reading surveys which find that couples in long-term marriages fuck roughly once or twice a week. If you and your woman have been together 7 years, and you aren't even married yet, and your fucking has decreased to 2 or 3 times per month, that isn't a good sign.

I wouldn't expect "talking about it" to improve your situation.

Sounds like your woman told you the truth: she doesn't want sex anywhere near as often as you do. Re. masturbation: the vast majority of married men masturbate, like the vast majority of single men. There's nothing "evil" or even "out of the ordinary" about it. According to:

Baker, Robin, Ph.D., Sperm Wars: The Science of Sex

(which you should read — Baker is an evolutionary biologist; it's a fascinating science-for-the layperson book), most men ejaculate, on average, about 4 times per week. This can be via sex with a partner, masturbation, nocturnal emissions, or some combination of all three.

You might consider trying a strategy along the lines of the 8-part article that begins here:

Turning a wife into a Hotwife
http://www.hotwifeblog.com/2007/05/23/wife-into-hotwife/

Hard to say. It is possible to say, however, that sex drive — like other human characteristics (athletic ability, musical ability, mathematical talent, etc.) — varies considerably among individuals. Some people have more of it and others have less. If your woman (despite being physically attractive) has a low sex drive, as appears to be the case, I suggest thinking carefully before you marry her, given that the two of you appear to be sexually incompatible. If you do get married, your sexual incompatibility seems likely to become a serious source of long-term frustration for you.

I know suggesting you look for a woman with whom you're more sexually-compatible (or at least, less incompatible) is not the kind of advice you're looking for. But, it's the best suggestion I can offer, based on the limited information you've provided in your post.

Thanks for putting your effort and replying to this thread. I really appreciate the way you have put up your points so clearly.
I am not sure if I shouldn't be marrying bro her since I love her and we are together for long time,glad you do understand that not the kind of advice I am seeking here on the limited information as referenced by you in the post so here I am opening the door for anything you would like to know to help me.

 

[lovesexfun]

any advice here ??

 

[Sharingcouple]

My best advice would be not to marry her...
I know by experience. Your sexual interests do not match at all. You are adventurous and kinky. She is very “vanilla”. I was in that situation.
in my case I decided to talk to her about threesomes, her being with another man, etc.
That only made things worse.
You can love the person and be totally non compatible sexually.
You want to explore more, you will be holding it, but someday you will find yourself cheating, or being miserable. I think it is better to find another woman now than few years later and a costly divorce.

 

[Custer Laststand]

My best advice would be not to marry her...
I know by experience. Your sexual interests do not match at all. You are adventurous and kinky. She is very “vanilla”. I was in that situation.
in my case I decided to talk to her about threesomes, her being with another man, etc.
That only made things worse.
You can love the person and be totally non compatible sexually.
You want to explore more, you will be holding it, but someday you will find yourself cheating, or being miserable. I think it is better to find another woman now than few years later and a costly divorce.

I think Sharingcouple has given you some good advice, Lovesexfun.

 

[lovesexfun]

My best advice would be not to marry her...
I know by experience. Your sexual interests do not match at all. You are adventurous and kinky. She is very “vanilla”. I was in that situation.
in my case I decided to talk to her about threesomes, her being with another man, etc.
That only made things worse.
You can love the person and be totally non compatible sexually.
You want to explore more, you will be holding it, but someday you will find yourself cheating, or being miserable. I think it is better to find another woman now than few years later and a costly divorce.

i agree your point here but is there no way i can make my current partner feel more sexual
yesterday i spoke to her about her libido and she said its not because of that at all...she feels horny its just she doesn't want to do sex every time she feels horny.

 

[lovesexfun]

I think Sharingcouple has given you some good advice, Lovesexfun.

i know but its not completely drained out.

 

[lovesexfun]

hi people
today chances are i will be fucking my partner as i can sense she is in mood since morning.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Yesterday I spoke to her about her libido, and she said it's not because of that at all. She feels horny; it's just that she doesn't want to do sex every time she feels horny.

If you have not already done so, I suggest asking your woman what she DOES feel like doing, if not sex, when she feels horny. The preceding reply, on her part, suggests you are not taking the right approach to turning her on. An approach she desires, for example, might include extended foreplay including kissing and licking her legs, starting with her ankles and working your way up to her inner thighs, then giving her cunnilingus until she orgasms. Or, using your hands to feel her up all over her body, including kissing and sucking her tits and nipples, then masturbating her clitoris with your fingers (using a suitable lubricant) until she orgasms. Your woman may not consider such things "sex" if penetration is not involved. Whatever it is, I suggest asking her to instruct you the first one or two times.

After you bring your woman to orgasm (in a way she tells you she desires), don't penetrate her if she does not want that. Or, engage her in sexual intercourse if she is so turned on by then she does want that. The key point is, always bring your woman to orgasm — in a way she wants and that turns her on — before penetration.

 

[lovesexfun]

If you have not already done so, I suggest asking your woman what she DOES feel like doing, if not sex, when she feels horny. The preceding reply, on her part, suggests you are not taking the right approach to turning her on. An approach she desires, for example, might include extended foreplay including kissing and licking her legs, starting with her ankles and working your way up to her inner thighs, then giving her cunnilingus until she orgasms. Or, using your hands to feel her up all over her body, including kissing and sucking her tits and nipples, then masturbating her clitoris with your fingers (using a suitable lubricant) until she orgasms. Your woman may not consider such things "sex" if penetration is not involved. Whatever it is, I suggest asking her to instruct you the first one or two times.

After you bring your woman to orgasm (in a way she tells you she desires), don't penetrate her if she does not want that. Or, engage her in sexual intercourse if she is so turned on by then she does want that. The key point is, always bring your woman to orgasm — in a way she wants and that turns her on — before penetration.

thanks for a such a nice suggestion however, i am doing that mostly. I am always making her feel good and lovable. The way you explained in terms of getting her to orgasm the way she wants is my priority...i might let myself go without draining out once but when she feels horny enough then i make sure to satisfy her the way she wants and try to give her immense pleasure.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Thanks for a such a nice suggestion. However, i am doing that mostly. I am always making her feel good and lovable. The way you explained in terms of getting her to orgasm the way she wants is my priority. I might let myself go without draining out once, but when she feels horny enough then I make sure to satisfy her the way she wants and try to give her immense pleasure.

OK.... good. Do you and your fiancé live together?

 

[lovesexfun]

OK.... good. Do you and your fiancé live together?

yes we do....

 

[Custer Laststand]

yes we do....

In that case, if you're convinced your fiancé is not "sowing some wild oates," fucking one or more other men prior to marrying you (thus having greatly-reduced desire for sex with you), that would seem to suggest she isn't doing that.

Have you and your fiancé set a definite wedding date in the relatively near future, and if so, are you and she definitely planning to get married on that date, despite "social distancing" requirements imposed by the coronavirus / COVID-19 pandemic?

 

[lovesexfun]

In that case, if you're convinced your fiancé is not "sowing some wild oates," fucking one or more other men prior to marrying you (thus having greatly-reduced desire for sex with you), that would seem to suggest she isn't doing that.

Have you and your fiancé set a definite wedding date in the relatively near future, and if so, are you and she definitely planning to get married on that date, despite "social distancing" requirements imposed by the coronavirus / COVID-19 pandemic?

i didnt understand the 1st Paragraph ?
we have not decided any dates yet.

 

[Custer Laststand]

I didn't understand the 1st Paragraph ?

I meant: since you and your fiancé are living together, you're in a better position to know whether she is seeing and fucking another man than you would be if you were living separately. If you know your fiancé is seeing another man, that would explain, almost certainly, her greatly-reduced sexual attraction to you. If, on the other hand, you are quite sure your fiancé is not seeing another man, an explanation for her reduced attraction to you should be sought elsewhere.

We have not decided any dates [for our wedding] yet.

Since you and your fiancé have been together for 7 years (per one of your earlier posts), this may be closely-related to your problem. To illustrate, consider a saying that's going to seem very sexist, but it's relevant so I'll quote it: "If you're getting the milk for free, why buy the cow?" The translation, of course, is: "If a woman is fucking you for free, why marry her?"

Given that after 7 years with your fiancé, and after asking her to marry you (and she accepted), you haven't even been able to set a wedding date, she may have concluded — with good justification — that you are guided by the above principle. Thus, she may have decided to stop "giving you the milk for free" — or rather, to give it to you less frequently, by far, than you want it.

If you are convinced your fiancé is the woman for you, despite her evolved sexual reluctance, you will have to figure out how to marry her without a large traditional wedding (if that's what both of you want), because of "social distancing" requirements due to the accursed coronavirus / COVID-19 pandemic (this being early spring 2020). I'm sure alternatives have been developed, although I don't know what they might be, because many, many people with wedding plans have this problem. On the plus side, getting married with a very small ceremony would save you a LOT of money (the expense and planning complexity possibly being among the reasons for your delay).

On the minus side, if you forge ahead and marry your fiancé, you'll be taking the risk that your wife really will want sex by-far less frequently than you will, with attendant frustration on your part, and with the possibility of your relationship evolving further into a sexless marriage.