Do you feel any nervousness over any of this?

[Lamont]

Hi! Furthering our own understanding, and progression into this lifestyle, I'm wondering if despite the obvious sexual turn on this all brings, do you feel any nervousness or anxiety as the date approaches that your wife is supposed to go out on a date? I clearly understand how strong the desire portion is, and how that may overshadow any nervousness or anxiety about all this, but do you feel it? And what does one do to try and minimize it? I'm quite curious to know how many experience this sort of phenomenon in all of this. Thanks!

 

[marys_pet]

It's all part of the roller coaster ride. Just relax and go with the flow.

 

[Meat4MySweet]

yeah, if you over think it, it will drive you nuts,,,,,,,,,

 

[o1sunbeach]

You should have concerns about entering this lifestyle. This is like jumping out of an airplane, theres no going back. This works for some and not for others, the reality of it will mostly likely not be the same as the fanticy. We started slow and spent alot of time talking over her emotions and mine as well. When it finally happened she was prepared as best she could have been emotionally to deal will it. I experienced many emotions painful and erotic. I think a cuck needs the rush of feeling both. As much as I enjoy the experience its not a walk in the park. When she is with him he is her only focus and this can be hard at times. There have been times when she was with him were I felt sick to my stomach. These feeling have never been stong enough for me to ask her to stop. I have never been angry about it or had any regrets.

 

[RI_Ghillie]

Nervousness

Speaking from my own experience, I though the comparison to a roller coaster was quite apt. When I knew or suspected that my wife was with a lover, I always had strong mixed emotions. Nervous, yes, excited thinking about her with another man, extremely. I strongly believe it was our honesty with each other, our ability to talk and share that allowed the relationship to work and it is still working too this day.

And I have to be honest, when she got home, obviously having just had sex, it was an extraordinary turn on for both of us. On the balance, I view our experience as positive for both of us, but each couple must find their own balance and tolerance.

just my 2 cents.

 

[lifemate38]

o1sunbeach and RI_Ghille have good points here. The bottom reason we are in this "lifestyle" is based on the needs and desires of each person and couple. My wife and I feel it's also very much based on who is in control of the situation. Her? Him? Or a mutual consideration. My wife said it best the night I dressed her for her very first sexcursion...."Just remember, I will never again be one man woman after this night..."
Once another man's semen is being absorbed into your wife's blood, it's there forever. At least phycologicaly.

Some of us really get off on that and others become greatly troubled with it. As o1suneach said..."it's most likely not like the fantasy..." Oh you bet!! Murphy's law doth apply to cuckoldry the same as anything else. Like for instance she was due home at 0600 so you could get ready for work and by 0900 she's still not there and you're on the phone to your boss..............

As for me I wouldn't change it.

 

[Allen34]

I guess I'm still am a bit nervouse about it...sometimes, but to a much smaller degree than I was when my wife first started seeing her boyfriend. I've met him, he comes over often so I'm pretty comfortable with them being together. As far as I'm aware she's only seeing him. Sometimes she'll spend the night at his house. I'd much prefer them to stay at our house though. I always seem to let my imagination run wild when she doesn't come home for the night. She always tells me when she's going to stay with him so I know where to call if I need her for an emergency or something like that. I've never called her as of now.

 

[Lamont]

Thanks for all the responses so far. Its been a little reassuring to know that the roller coaster aspect isn't uncommon. I suppose at the end of the day I wish you could have all the arousal and none of the worrying. Like most situations, I introduced this all to my wife. Being a great wife, she listened, we shared, we talked, we had a LOT of sex and dirty talking. Though originally a pretty innocent girl, she came far...and fast. In the early days I felt as though I controlled it all, and hence never had a worry. Now, I simply control only 50%... Though our standing rule, which I think is a good one, is if this ever becomes a problem, or a threat to our relationship, then we pull the plug, walk away, no questions asked. We're always 100% honest with one another along the way, no secrets, no action or contacts on the sly. It's a really good situation. The kinky, explorative side of me absolutely loves the thrill, and my wife finds it all extremely fun, and she loves doing whatever she can to help fulfill my fantasies, and to arouse me to greater and greater heights. In short she's fantastic. I guess the tamer side of me, or the other 50% is just a little scared and nervous...the ying to the yang. While it seems so opposite, I want her to be able to enjoy herself, and yet I don't ever someone else to become number one in her heart. Seems crazy maybe... but the more sensitive side of me decides to weigh in a few days before she's supposed to go out. I'm just trying to make sense of it all, and try to find ways to re-direct my own thoughts. I don't think I'm at the point where I want it to stop. I've thought that I might a couple of times, but each time I think that I end up thinking something arousing and that thought very quickly vanishes lol. Sorry for the ramble. I know my thoughts aren't all that organized

 

[Eno]

You should have concerns about entering this lifestyle. This is like jumping out of an airplane, theres no going back.

That may be true if so far, your wife was always sexually faithful to you.

But I along with so many other guys was cuckolded long before I ever heard the word. I would even probably never have known if she hadn't had the decency to tell me. So my point is that while some people may decide on their own to jump out of the airplane or not, others were pushed out without even knowing they were.

 

[greymaster]

Though our standing rule, which I think is a good one, is if this ever becomes a problem, or a threat to our relationship, then we pull the plug, walk away, no questions asked.

Very Wise - the pair of you sound like you have something special that many people don't get to develop. Fantasy and fun are fine, but NEVER let it take away from what you treasure.

Though originally a pretty innocent girl, she came far...and fast.

You don't say

 

[Lamont]

So when your imagination starts to play roller coaster, and causes you to have the fearful, or nervous or worriesome thoughts (the opposite of the arousal thoughts), what do you do to re-focus? My problem is that when the scarier feelings/thoughts come up, it tends to be very hard for me to shake them, and it's almost like I start to perseverate on them, and then it takes away from any of the "fun"... Does anyone have some suggestion on how to calm your mind, just relax and learn to let go? I think a lot of this is because deep down I really do like to be in control, and realize that for possibly the first time ever, I'm actually NOT in control, and that's scary even if the outcome is arousing.

 

[o1sunbeach]

As prepaired as I thought I was I did experience a few bumps in the road. My wife sees her boyriend for 2 nights once a month. On her first visit I knew she would arraive at his room around 5:00 p.m. spend the night then meet him again the following evening at 5:00 p.m. and spend the night. My thoughts were focused on the sex part of the visit which I seemed to deal with fine. But when she called me around 8:30 and told me their were at a restrauant I agout lost it. The fact they had had sex did not bother me but I freaked at the thought of him taking her to dinner. Odd but true.

 

[Allen34]

As I mentioned in an earlier post on this thread I'm much more comfortable with my wife and her boyfriend at our home. As far as I know and am aware he is the only other man she's seeing. When she stays overnight at his home I have these sometimes paranoid feelings that she's there servicing more than one man. I'm not sure I would like that at all. I've never even mentioned my anxiety to her about this. I'm also not sure I could do anything to change it she was doing multiple men at once. I just try to preoccupy myself with other things, as much as that's possible anyway. She did ask me for my permission to take a boyfriend so maybe she would ask for my permission again before she took multiple boyfriends. I do hope so. Maybe I'm just fretting about nothing. It also sort of gives me a pang in my tummy when he first comes over to our home and my wife greets him with a big hug and a passionate kiss, infront of me. She's totally his when he's here, I know that, but still....Again, I hope I'm worrying about nothing.

 

[girlygirl]

Lamont...as your loving wife, and I know nothing I can ever say here, or to your face, will make your anxieties go away...please just know that I am, and always will be, entirely yours. I came far "fast" because I have found a way to enjoy this whole experience, while maintaining my own, and our, agreed-upon boundaries. For those of you on here who only know Lamont by his responses, he's actually an outstandingly gorgeous, emotionally stable, compassionate husband who is hot, hot, hot, great in bed, as a father, as a husband, and as my business partner. He leaves nothing for me to desire otherwise. So, for me, being playful in this "world" will never lead to me "falling in love with another", or becoming "emotionally involved" with another, because he has already stolen my heart...forever. I will only ever do this so long as I feel in control of the choices I make, which will always place our own relationship first.

 

[greymaster]

Well said Girly - I hope he takes notice of you

 

[Saraha]

Even if she falls in love with another guy, she also knows that you support her in this lifestyle. If she married him, then she would have to be true to him only, and not cuck him. With you she has a fantastic marriage and gets extra sex on the side long-term.

Cuckolds are special men who don't believe in divorce. Their love is unconditional. While they are frightened of losing their wife to one of the many bulls that will come along over the years, they love their wife so much that HER NEEDS ARE GREATER THAN HIS FEARS. IF SHE IS HAPPY, HE IS HAPPY.

Marriage can feel like a trap for many wives, but when the marriage becomes "female-led" it allows a wife to manufacture some fresh happiness and purpose into her life. The creative side of her personality can emerge and she can enjoy new opportunities she notices (or her friends tell her about).

 

[Lamont]

As prepaired as I thought I was I did experience a few bumps in the road. My wife sees her boyriend for 2 nights once a month. On her first visit I knew she would arraive at his room around 5:00 p.m. spend the night then meet him again the following evening at 5:00 p.m. and spend the night. My thoughts were focused on the sex part of the visit which I seemed to deal with fine. But when she called me around 8:30 and told me their were at a restrauant I agout lost it. The fact they had had sex did not bother me but I freaked at the thought of him taking her to dinner. Odd but true.

Yeah but see I totally get that, and I don't think it's odd. The very raw nature of "fucking" or "sex" is what it is. You can often times detach that from "love", detach that from "intimate" for all intents and purposes. When my mind wanders to my wife having dinner, sitting side by side, casually laughing, enjoying another man's company, the kissing... That all feels way WAY too emotionally connected to me. That feels like a relationship, an emotional bond, a connection that transcends a good sex session. And honestly, it's THAT stuff that freaks me out and makes me more nervous and anxious than anything. For me, that's the part that can be dangerous, or at least more dangerous than a casual sex encounter. So I get what you're saying totally!

 

[Lamont]

Well said Girly - I hope he takes notice of you

Oh not a day goes by where I don't take notice lol... But then you in particular would perhaps know that I'd think lol!

 

[robandkate]

My wife Kate has been dating other guys for almost 20 years now and I still get nervous about her dating. I love her dating other guys and I would not change it.

 

[Saraha]

Females like to be wined and dined, to have an enjoyable few hours of teasing and flirting before getting naked. A long-term relationship with a lover is better than a one-night stand when both are nervous and don't know what turns each other on.

It is normal for a wife to fall in love (in variable amounts) with a regular lover, but that does not mean a wife will want a divorce if her husband is a caring, loving man putting her needs high up on the blackboard of things to do.

Divorce is not a quick-fix, it is painful for both husband and wife, and the friendships you lose and the loneliness and frustration of finding another "keeper" takes its toll.