Hello from a newbie
- Thread starterelenafa0
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Hi and thanks for the welcome 
I
It's probably easier to start at the beginning with how it all began. R and I have been married for ten years. We met when I was 23 and he was 27. For the first five years or so of our marriage life was pretty ordinary and then one day he came home and told me that not only had he been seeing another woman, S, during our engagement, he'd had a child with this woman who was now four.
My first reaction was shock, and then I cried and cried. The thought of him with another woman made me feel sick. I was too ashamed to even tell my friends that he'd cheated on me. Logically I knew all the things I was "supposed" to do (leave him, get revenge etc) but I couldn't do it. I loved him too much for that and there was something about the thought of him with her that I just couldn't let go. R and I sat down and talked about it. He knows me too well to let me get away with not being honest about my feelings and eventually we got to the point of me realising that I was actually enjoying (if enjoying is really the word!) the humiliation.
S and her son lived quite close to us at that time so we fell into a routine that every Thursday night R would drive me over and I would babysit S's son (R's son) while he took her back to our house. It drove me crazy sitting in her immaculate house thinking about her and R together, in our bed. Sometimes I'd cry for hours. To finally be allowed home and smell her in our bed .. oh, it hurt but in a delicious way!
Ok, I realise I've typed a lot already so I'll stop there before I fill up the whole page
IIt's probably easier to start at the beginning with how it all began. R and I have been married for ten years. We met when I was 23 and he was 27. For the first five years or so of our marriage life was pretty ordinary and then one day he came home and told me that not only had he been seeing another woman, S, during our engagement, he'd had a child with this woman who was now four.
My first reaction was shock, and then I cried and cried. The thought of him with another woman made me feel sick. I was too ashamed to even tell my friends that he'd cheated on me. Logically I knew all the things I was "supposed" to do (leave him, get revenge etc) but I couldn't do it. I loved him too much for that and there was something about the thought of him with her that I just couldn't let go. R and I sat down and talked about it. He knows me too well to let me get away with not being honest about my feelings and eventually we got to the point of me realising that I was actually enjoying (if enjoying is really the word!) the humiliation.
S and her son lived quite close to us at that time so we fell into a routine that every Thursday night R would drive me over and I would babysit S's son (R's son) while he took her back to our house. It drove me crazy sitting in her immaculate house thinking about her and R together, in our bed. Sometimes I'd cry for hours. To finally be allowed home and smell her in our bed .. oh, it hurt but in a delicious way!
Ok, I realise I've typed a lot already so I'll stop there before I fill up the whole page
I should say that R's setup with S was casual from her side. She had a partner who worked abroad for most of the year. She sat me down once, about a month into the "arrangement", and explained to me that he knew she was still seeing R occasionally but that this didn't bother him, in fact he liked the idea of her fucking another man. I must have looked quite shocked (I'd had a very vanilla life!) because she laughed and dragged out her laptop to show me some of the photos she'd been emailing him. And yes, they were all of her and R fucking. Some of them were recent and had been taken in our house. I started crying and couldn't stop but when I got home I told R what had happened and he looked at me and smiled .. and after that I started getting the emails too.
It's hard to put into words the conflicting emotions I felt every time something landed in my inbox -betrayed, humiliated, envy..
Oh yes, envy. About the time we'd started the "arrangement", R informed me that I would no longer be getting "proper" sex. When I asked why, he simply said "you don't deserve it!" and walked away. So watching her getting what I wanted so badly was torture.
(R told me later he'd had an ulterior motive -I'd never liked giving BJs and you could probably count on one hand the number he'd had from me in the first 5 years of our marriage. After a few months of denial I was so desperate for a taste of him I'd get on my knees if he so much as unzipped).
This set-up went on for about 2 years but then two things happened. First of all, S decided to marry her partner and move abroad. Secondly, R (who owns his own, very successful, business) decided we needed to move house so he could be closer to his company and also be able to work at home when he chose. He found a beautiful house in a small country village that was perfect for us except that it was too far away from my workplace. We didn't need my income but I'd been brought up to think that women should always be financially independent and I wasn't sure I could deal with having to ask R for money.
R dealt with my silliness in his usual way of telling me to "deal with it" and eventually (it takes me a while to get things) I realised that this was an important step for our relationship. I handed in my notice and R made a little ceremony of cutting up my bank cards -from now on, I'd have to ask him if I needed money.
(He did keep one card long enough to give to a 19-year old girl he had a one-nighter with. My bonus paid for two hotel rooms -one for them and one next door for me to lie awake listening to them fuck -and some jewellery for her).
Again I'm rambling on
It's hard to put into words the conflicting emotions I felt every time something landed in my inbox -betrayed, humiliated, envy..
Oh yes, envy. About the time we'd started the "arrangement", R informed me that I would no longer be getting "proper" sex. When I asked why, he simply said "you don't deserve it!" and walked away. So watching her getting what I wanted so badly was torture.
(R told me later he'd had an ulterior motive -I'd never liked giving BJs and you could probably count on one hand the number he'd had from me in the first 5 years of our marriage. After a few months of denial I was so desperate for a taste of him I'd get on my knees if he so much as unzipped
).This set-up went on for about 2 years but then two things happened. First of all, S decided to marry her partner and move abroad. Secondly, R (who owns his own, very successful, business) decided we needed to move house so he could be closer to his company and also be able to work at home when he chose. He found a beautiful house in a small country village that was perfect for us except that it was too far away from my workplace. We didn't need my income but I'd been brought up to think that women should always be financially independent and I wasn't sure I could deal with having to ask R for money.
R dealt with my silliness in his usual way of telling me to "deal with it" and eventually (it takes me a while to get things
) I realised that this was an important step for our relationship. I handed in my notice and R made a little ceremony of cutting up my bank cards -from now on, I'd have to ask him if I needed money. (He did keep one card long enough to give to a 19-year old girl he had a one-nighter with. My bonus paid for two hotel rooms -one for them and one next door for me to lie awake listening to them fuck -and some jewellery for her).
Again I'm rambling on
elenafa0,
Welcome! Thank you for sharing your story. There are certainly some interesting dynamics to it.
It begs a lot of questions, including whether you feel that being a cuck is the end destination of your relationship, or if it eventually become more open. I mean, will he let you take another lover or does he want to control you completely sexually?
Something seems "work" for you in this situation. You mention it hurts in a "delicious way". If you're satisfied with the arrangement, more power to you.
Welcome! Thank you for sharing your story. There are certainly some interesting dynamics to it.
It begs a lot of questions, including whether you feel that being a cuck is the end destination of your relationship, or if it eventually become more open. I mean, will he let you take another lover or does he want to control you completely sexually?
Something seems "work" for you in this situation. You mention it hurts in a "delicious way".
If you're satisfied with the arrangement, more power to you.CoffeeGuy, thank you for your kind words
There is more to the story, certainly how things have developed over the last three years since we moved to our new house. I have some errands to run this afternoon but I will come back and hopefully explain a bit more of where we are now.
And it definitely works for me but I know a lot of people wouldn't -and don't -understand.
There is more to the story, certainly how things have developed over the last three years since we moved to our new house. I have some errands to run this afternoon but I will come back and hopefully explain a bit more of where we are now.
And it definitely works for me but I know a lot of people wouldn't -and don't -understand.
