It backfired on me

[inkopol]

Hey guys,

I wanted to share what happened the other night regarding my fantasy. Which is of course, seeing my wife fucking another man. Anyway, i just want to say that me having been lurking at this forum made me wanted more to make my wife happy. but backfired on me. we were talking about what if she had fucked another man, It was just more of us having a talk in our bedroom. trying to get the mood for foreplay. This was the first time of me opening up to her about "seeing another man".

Anyway, long story short, she said, if I wanted to her happy it would be her and the "other guy" fucking at a hotel without me. Now I was kinda pissed off at that since I told I want us to be involved together. But then she said it will feel akward.

Now, I'm not much of a pussy person. Which I know that most "cuckold" guys (what I gather) is bit soft (beta) type. I'm not that person. but seeing the forum, it felt I was in a way but no way in the world where I wanted to be the "beta" person.

So anyway, it backfired when she said "Why do you want to be there in the room, are you gay?" I was then turn off by that and wasn't in the mood. It surprised me since I was trying to make her happy but then out of the blue she said that. Anyway that was mood killer. So I walked out of there.

 

[tcfranklin]

When you play with fire, you often get burned.

 

[motorcitypaul]

Yep, you said it.... was this her first? then wait until she suggests you being present. Easy,offer to take a few pics, Gosh,do we have to make all these suggesstions for you?

 

[inkopol]

nothing actually happened. we were just talking in the bedroom

 

[SquirmingSub]

inkopol - as you have seen on this and maybe even other forums, there are so many different variations and what works for one couple does not always work for another couple. I myself have been in multiple relationships, all but one have had other play-mates involved. With that said, some of my relationships were in a situation were my partner included me in the room without any contact while she enjoyed another man/woman, some included me in the room (3-some) while on the flip side, there has been many times were my partner did not want me present at all. Most of this was due to the other guy feeling more comfortable without me there or when she was seeking to give the other man the illusion that she was a cheating wife/girl-friend, etc. I would highly suggest that if this is something that you want with your wife that you both open up to all options, consider each others point of view and enjoy the journey. Just remember jealousy and anger can due a lot of damage and by you storming out of the room it may no longer be possible to go down this road unless you have a sensible open and honest conversation with your wife soon.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Inkopol,

Re. your post:

Hey guys, .... So, anyway, it backfired when she said: "Why do you want to be there in the room, are you gay?" I was then turn off by that, and wasn't in the mood. It surprised me, since I was trying to make her happy. But then, out of the blue, she said that. It was a mood killer. So, I walked out of there.

Storming out of the room when your wife makes a comment is not a good start to communicating with her. If you want your wife to take seriously your (previously secret) desire to become her cuckold — first, remember the definition, which is short and simple: cuckold: a man with an unfaithful wife — you need to develop a substantially-increased comfort level with the normal variability of human sexual behavior, which includes, needless to say, bisexuality and homosexuality.

As a start in this direction, I suggest reading:

Baker, Robin, Ph.D., 1996, Sperm Wars: The science of sex [BasicBooks, 319 pp. [hardcover]).

Baker is an evolutionary biologist. He disregards religious-based and other societal expectations, and the awkwardness of whether to refer to couples as married, or in live-together-relationships [LTR's], or in long-term girlfriend-boyfriend relationships, by referring to all couples as "partners." He deals with real-life human sexual behavior, including bisexual and homosexual (so-called "gay") behavior, not societal expectations of what constitutes "proper" sexual behavior. His is among the best and most informative science-for-the-layperson books I've read. I recommend it to both you and your wife. (It's available from well-known online sources.)

Then, to move further in this direction, I suggest you and your wife read:

Ley, David J., 2009, Insatiable wives: Women who stray and the men who love them (Rowman and Littlefield, 291 pp. [hardcover].

Ley is a clinical psychologist in practice in Albuquerque, New Mexico, U.S. He is executive director of New Mexico Solutions and director of clinical development at River Valley Consulting (according to the dust jacket).

—Custer

 

[Saraha]

If u allow her to become super happ- from fucking other men in hotels that u fork out mone- for, then her enhanced happiness will cause her to treat u rather special for letting her become a cuckoldress in the first place.

When she has become addicted to needing lots of cock, she will probabl- invite u to see the proof that she is addicted. U might even be allowed to photograph it.

Let a woman pla- with other men according to her own timetable. Don't beg or tr- to force her to fuck other men.

Once a man chooses to give his wife permission to pla- musical beds, she won't be at all pleased if u can't handle what happens when she becomes addicted to it.

Sharing her puss- with several men means the wedding vows are automaticall- cancelled. She will never be content to go back to keeping her knees together if a handsome man chats her up. Cuckoldresses can't stop the juices flowing once a puss- learns to fuck lot's of other men.

Once a cuckold, alwa-s a cuckold. Can't make a person forget how to ride a bike, so u can't teach a married women to forget how to flirt with men not her husband, once her spouse got her hooked to extra-marital sex.

 

[cumbox]

If u allow her to become super happ- from fucking other men in hotels that u fork out mone- for, then her enhanced happiness will cause her to treat u rather special for letting her become a cuckoldress in the first place.

When she has become addicted to needing lots of cock, she will probabl- invite u to see the proof that she is addicted. U might even be allowed to photograph it.

Let a woman pla- with other men according to her own timetable. Don't beg or tr- to force her to fuck other men.

Once a man chooses to give his wife permission to pla- musical beds, she won't be at all pleased if u can't handle what happens when she becomes addicted to it.

Sharing her puss- with several men means the wedding vows are automaticall- cancelled. She will never be content to go back to keeping her knees together if a handsome man chats her up. Cuckoldresses can't stop the juices flowing once a puss- learns to fuck lot's of other men.

Once a cuckold, alwa-s a cuckold. Can't make a person forget how to ride a bike, so u can't teach a married women to forget how to flirt with men not her husband, once her spouse got her hooked to extra-marital sex.

Ok Saraha, who pinched your y? Or is it a case that your fingers got rather sticky while you were typing?

 

[Saraha]

Ok Saraha, who pinched your y? Or is it a case that your fingers got rather sticky while you were typing?

I loaded some extra ram and my computer worked well for several days - then it suddenly started doing crashes and blue screens and throwing all sorts of tantrums for a few days. It started doing memory dumps.

Before I went to sleep I asked my mind to solve the problem in a dream - and it did - the dream said that the new Ram was causing the problem, so I removed it and magically it is cured.

Several letters were "coming and going" and it was a huge challenge to write words without y's in them.

I touch type at speed without looking at the keyboard. I am still on xp.

 

[Lamont]

Your problem as I see it...is you said you "want your wife to be happy", yet you did so in a manner that also came with all sorts of conditions. You want or need to be present, you're also giving her a gift she never asked for, and comes from you reading these forums. I don't mean that to sound harsh, but what sort of a gift is this? If you want to give her the gift, whether beta or alpha, you give it and let her have some say, and let her figure some of this out on her own. Women aren't programmed to just jump at being all over this sort of gift just because you say it. They need some time and some freedom in some cases. Perhaps if you still want this to work, regardless of whether you identify with an alpha or a beta, you have another calm discussion in the future where you don't get heated and you hear what she would need in order to make this work for her. And when you have that side of the story, I highly suggest you find a way to compromise to give her some of what she'd need, or you risk that she'll resent you and either A) Not even try, or B) Do it on your terms and be resentful to the point where one day, someone that really listens and makes her happy, is a threat. I say this because the first time I tried this I too wanted to give the "gift" because i had spent a lot of time reading forums and thinking this was awesome. What it did was cause a ton of problems. I'm not beta either exactly. But the second time around (and I was extremely fortunate she was willing to hear me out and work with me on this), I conceded that if I was going to do something in part for someone else, then they had a right to contribute to how it was going to work. Now that I agreed to some of her own rules to make it work, life has been a whole lot better and this has been a fun ride! But I will say, that if I hadn't had the epiphany that it's about what she too gets out of it and how she wants to go about it, she'd never have continued and we may not even have been together right now. Let her decide how she would need things to go/feel if she is interested in pursuing your gift. Gifts aren't supposed to come with heavy condition.

 

[Jaxunman]

You have gotten some good advice so far. It has all been basically approaching this from the same direction. Does that mean it is the only way to approach it? My short answer is no! You mention reading stories on here made you want even more to make your wife happy. First off, many of the stories here are fantasy. Of the stories that are true, you have to understand the dynamics of the couple in the story. Examples of this, they could be well advanced into the wife being with others, it could have initially started with the wife cheating and upon discovery, the husband was turned on more than he felt negative towards it, so many different scenarios that have them farther down the road than a couple that is just starting to get their feet wet with this.

Second, you have to establish if your wanting your wife with others is what will make HER happier or if it is all about making YOU happier. If your wife is keen to try this, then major communication will be needed before anything happens. You need to each really think it through as individuals and as a couple. How will you each view the other once this happens? Make sure each of you understands what is most important to the other in all this. Only then can you begin to work together to make it happen. You will each want things from this experience, probably many things similar, but also some differing things. Never forget that this is not all about one partner's pleasure at the expense of the other partner getting pleasure as well. Some men are perfectly happy not tagging along on their wife's outside adventures with other men. Nothing wrong at all there. Yet some men really need to be present for these outside adventures. There is nothing wrong with that either. There are many other issues that will make up the dynamics once questions are presented and discussed between you. Would these other men be boyfriends, fuck buddies, or just one off's done on occasion to scratch an itch? There is a difference!! Would you be reclaiming her body after an encounter with someone else? Would these encounters be with friends, co-workers, or someone met through a swinging and dating site?

My own experience to sharing my wife is a bit different than most here. I am the dominant in our relationship and my wife is the submissive. I tried the path that would allow my wife to lead this and it simply did not work. My wife needed to see me as strong and her protector. She found the idea of me deferring power to her and another man to be a turn off and she shut the whole idea down. That was when some long conversations and serious trust in each other revealed the level at which my wife fantasized about submitting to me. My wife has never been happier than she is now being owned by me, her alpha husband. This is the path that led us to her being willing to fuck whomever I tell her to as part of her submission to me. I won't lie, being her owner and protector is a huge responsibility and one I take extremely serious. The road we took might not work for others, just as the other roads would not have worked for us. The point is, take the time to communicate, use fantasy role playing, and find out the others hot buttons. There should be no rush or magic target date for any of this.

Good luck and have fun exploring this together!