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Not a Cuck but GF is dating. Super depressed

  • Thread starterwhatevur
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whatevur said:
Believe me I've kept an eye on that condom box. They are all still there.
What's happening??
 
whatevur said:
I talked to Andrea this last week. She's been in contact with JoAnn and probably know more about their relationship than me. JoAnn continues to assure me that thing with my dad are just dating, and nothing sexual will happen. I believe her.

When I talked to Andrea, she assured me the same thing, that things are non-sexual and Andrea has been encouraging JoAnn to keep it that way. I'm glad Andrea isn't working against me on this. I gave up a lot to let JoAnn date, but I just cant accept that they would have sex.

Andrea thanked me for being so understanding and open.
I told her how much it hurts me and how much I hate seeing JoAnn with my dad.
Andrea apologized that it had to happen this way. She originally thought JoAnn would just be casually dating a few different guys. She didn't realize it would be quite like this. She said she was sorry that it hurts me. She sounded genuine about it like she really doesn't want to hurt me.

She asked me if things were getting better. I said yeah a bit, but really slow.
She asked me if I thought I could learn to accept things the way they are?
I said no I don't think so.
She said she thinks I can, and I should. She said I should do whatever it takes to accept the current situation and go with the flow.
I said I am going with the flow, but I can't accept this.
She said "What else can you do?" She said it would be easier on me and I could get by a lot better If I just let go of the situation, accept what's happening, and see it all as a good thing.

I said I would try - but only as long as things do go any farther between JoAnn and dad.
She told me not to think about that since it wasnt going to happen. She said i'm only making things worse for myself by having thoughts like that.

I asked her how I could let things go and accept the situation.

She said I needed to lay things out the way they were, and then look at them in a different light, a good light.

I asked what she meant.

She said repeat after me:

Andrea "okay then repeat after me"

Andrea: "JoAnn is dating other guys"

Me: "my girlfriend is dating others"

Andrea: "no, stop looking at her as your girlfriend, you need to see all this in a DIFFERENT light, try again"

me: "JoAnn is dating other guys"

Andrea: "I'm in love with JoAnn, but she's currently in a relationship with another man"

me: "I'm in love with JoAnn, but she's currently in a relationship with another man"

Andrea: "and that's a GOOD thing, she's happier now"

Me: "and that's a good thing, she's happier now"

Andrea: "JoAnn is dating my dad"

me: "JoAnn is dating my dad"

Andrea: "JoAnn is my dad's girlfriend"

me: "JoAnn is my dads girlfriend"

Andrea: "My dad is JoAnn's boyfriend"

Me: "My dad is JoAnn's boyfriend"

Andrea: "together they are a couple"

me: "together they are a couple"

Andrea "and there's nothing wrong with that, they are happy together"

me: "and there's nothing wrong with that, they are happy together"


I asked her how this would help, but she just told me to keep thinking about it and keep repeating what we went over.
I don't really understand it, but shes been studying psycology and therapy so I hope she knows what shes talking about.


I think JoAnn has been a lot happier since all this started. She's been able to get out more and have more of a social life. And recently she and I have been able to spend a lot more time together. I've been doing my best to take Andrea's advice to just go with the flow and accept thing the way they are right now.

I've also been working on a few plans to break JoAnn and dad up. I know it's immoral, but I really want the pain to end.
I've been thinking of setting up an online dating site for dad, and trying to get him to go out with tohers. Right now with the coronavirus its not possible, but its worth a try. If that fails, I want to make it look like dads been online dating with others and then set up JoAnn to look at the computer and 'catch' him 'cheating' on her.

I've also thought about taking a few of the condoms from dads room and opening them, inflating them, etc to make it look liek they've been used, and then throw them away so JoAnn will find them and think he's been cheating. I don't want to hurt her or break her heart but I want her back.

Do you guys have any ideas?
what Andrea is telling you, is that you've been "friend-zoned". Your feelings for Joann are not the same as what she has for you.
who knows, she could be one of those weird people that need to separate sex from love (in order to get past guilt/shame/closeness etc), so in this case, 2 different people.
or maybe she just has greater feelings for your father...her lack of experience may make her prefer to be guided by an older more experienced partner she can trust.

even if they aren't having sex, it seems like a soft landing for her for a trial break up...testing the waters of life with someone else but you. the sex isn't your biggest problem.

your games with the condom box seem juvenile and pointless and will give away the one way you can tell what is going on between. monitor them and do nothing else. the camera stuff is illegal in most places and you will be found out and look childish and crazy to both of them.
 
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someone above asked if I was living with dad. Yeah i've been living with him for the last few weeks since theres no reason for me to stay at my other place with everything thats going on. My job hasn't quite shut down, but Im not part of the essential staff so i haven't worked for a while. School has stopped too.


Dad has been gone the last few weeks for work, so i've had a lot of time to be with Joann. She's been coming over and we'll hang out most of the day since we can't do much else. It's been very bonding and I feel a lot more secure in our relationship (if you can call it that at this point)

Someone above mentioned being 'friend-zoned'. It's possible. Over the last few weeks we've held hands and kissed a lot, but not much more. I'm not too worried even if I am friend-zoned as long as she & dad don't have sex and eventually she comes back to me in full.

JoAnn and I have been playing video games a lot these past few weeks. We've also been cooking together. That's pretty fun. It's nice that we're cooking for eachother. When she cooks for dad it makes me jealous. She said that when were all here, she cooks for both dad and I equally. She backed this up by pointing out that she had made several meals that I like (that my dad doesn't really care for). This warmed my heart.


We talked about her relationship with my dad.
We talked about what she saw in him, what about him appealed to her, etc.. She said she was always attracted to older men. She doesn't know why. She like his 'dad body' and how he 'envelopes' her when they hug. Yuck.

She also said he makes her feel so special. He's always been a good talker, so I know what she means.
She likes the way he smells.

She says she feels like she can talk about more mature things with him. I didn't really know what she meant, but she says she feels like she can 'raunchy' and joke with him more, but can talk to me about anything and not worry about me getting mad. She feels like she cant be that open with him yet.

I have noticed that they joke around and laugh a lot. I'm not good at being 'funny' so she likes that she laughs more around him.


For some reason he's been trying to get her to start smoking. She said that whenever they go to his room to make out (that hurt to hear) he pulls a pack of cigarettes out of the drawer and offers her one. He doesn't smoke, and she thinks its gross so she always refuses. I can't understand this.


I asked if she loved him. She kinda clammed up. I told her that she can tell me anything.
She says the thinks she loves him but isn't sure. They haven't said said it to eachother yet.

She asked how that makes me feel.

I said it makes me jealous. I don't like it. I said I love her no matter what though, even if she loves my dad.
I told her that I know it's just a matter of time, and I'll live with whatever happens.
She said she will probably tell dad she loves him sometime soon.

I've been trying to take Andreas earlier advice and just let things happen. Since spending more time with JoAnn here, especially alone, I'm feeling more comfortable with things. More secure. I'm going to try to step aside a bit more and let things happen.

I've kept repeating what Andrea asked me to.

I know that right now, JoAnn is dad's girlfriend. I need to respect that and stay in my lane.
That's what I'm trying to live by right now. I still have some serious downs, but I feel good now.
I feel safe that she won't have sex with dad, and I think I can accept everything under that condition.


I've talked with Andrea a few more times too.
I guess the most major thing is that she talked to me (and I subsequently talked to JoAnn) about changing our status on Facebook (and other Social Media). I knew this was coming, but it still hurt a lot at the time. We all talked about it and its only natural that our statuses should change to 'single'. For now anyway. I know that it won't be long before JoAnns is changed yet again to be 'in a relationship'.


other than that I talked to Andrea a few weeks ago before dad left. At the time I was feeling a bit down.
She encouraged me a bunch. I told her I was taking her advice but things were coming along slowly.

She advised me to face my problems head on. This time she suggested that I look at their actions in a different light.

She said that when I see them together I need to think positive thoughts. She gave me a few examples:


When I see them standing together or holding hands, I should think "They look cute together"

If I seed them kissing, i Shouldn't be grossed out by it, instead I should think "They have such strong chemistry, they are so happy together"

If I see them laughing and having fun together, I should think "they have such a strong bond, I hope it never breaks"


She also sent me a few pictures of them together. I had never seen them. They looked professionally done with both of them standing together and a field of flowers in the background. In different pictures they had different poses, one with them just standing next to eachother but Close. Another one she was close to him with her hands up on his chest and both smiling at the camera. The last one was of them kissing .

It hurt to see these at first, but Andea calmed me down.

Andrea asked me to make the wallpaper/ background on my computer/phone etc. as one of these pictures. That way I can see often how good a couple they look, and can practice what Andrea has been advising me.

I have to tell you, it's weird starting up my computer and being met with JoAnn and dad kissing. I don't know if it's helping anything, but I think i'm feeling more like this is 'normal' for lack of a better word. it's a bit more 'normal' to see JoAnn and my dad. Of course that doesn't make it any less depressing.

That's about all I have to report

Thanks for the advice and messages.
 
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Whatevur:
whatevur said:
Someone above asked if I was living with dad. Yeah i've been living with him for the last few weeks since theres no reason for me to stay at my other place with everything thats going on. My job hasn't quite shut down, but I'm not part of the essential staff so i haven't worked for a while. School has stopped too.
That was me. Thanks for the clarification.
whatevur said:
Dad has been gone the last few weeks for work, so i've had a lot of time to be with Joann. She's been coming over and we'll hang out most of the day since we can't do much else. It's been very bonding and I feel a lot more secure in our relationship (if you can call it that at this point).
This sounds positive.
whatevur said:
JoAnn and I have been playing video games a lot these past few weeks. We've also been cooking together. That's pretty fun. It's nice that we're cooking for each other. When she cooks for dad it makes me jealous. She said that when were all here, she cooks for both dad and me equally. She backed this up by pointing out that she had made several meals that I like (that my dad doesn't really care for). This warmed my heart.
Good.
whatevur said:
We talked about her relationship with my dad.
Also good. Ms. Joann is the most important person to talk with about that, other than your father, who obviously knows he's competing with you for the affections of Ms. Joann.
whatevur said:
We talked about what she saw in him, what about him appealed to her, etc. She said she was always attracted to older men. She doesn't know why. She like his 'dad body' and how he 'envelopes' her when they hug. Yuck.
When a young woman who's attractive enough to have a choice for a long-term marriage partner between a man about her own age (you, in this case) and a substantially older but established man (your father, in this case), she has to make a bet. The bet is: if she chooses the young man, she has to assume he will be capable of "making it" in the future and providing her and her children with a good, safe home and a good income — good socioeconomic status, in other words. But, she doesn't know for sure whether that will be the case, so this choice is a little bit dicey. You, for instance (according to what you've said), have not yet finished college and have a job where, during the present coronavirus pandemic crisis, you are not considered "essential."

Alternatively, the young woman (Ms. Joann) can choose the considerably older man (your father), knowing he is demonstrably established — your father has a job that's requiring him to travel, which means he, unlike many men, has not lost his job (as yet) during the present coronavirus / covid-19 pandemic — and, I would guess, he owns the house or condominium where he is providing you with a place to live. On the down side, the young woman (Ms. Joann) knows the much older man (your father) may not last long with providing her with good sexual satisfaction, even if he's good in bed initially, and she will probably have to care for him when he is old and decrepit and she is still relatively young.

Ms. Joann appears to be making her bet in favor of your father. But, I suspect she is not motivated only by the above. There is also her religious faith. You said Ms. Joann is a Mormon. As you know, I'm sure, the Mormon's have a tradition of polygamy, under which, prior to 1890, a man could take more than one wife. (In practice, apparently only about 5 to 15% of Mormon men met with the churches approval to take multiple wives. A women did not have the right to take multiple husbands.) As you may also know, in 1890 the Mormon's were ****** to abandon polygamy as an integral component of their religion, and accept it's illegality under U.S. law. However, under this tradition an older, established (relatively wealthy and suitably religious) male Mormon could, and did, take multiple young women as wives. This tradition may underlie Ms. Joann's Mormon parents being supportive of her relationship with your much-older father, while not being supportive (as I recall you've said) of her relationship with you. And, it also seems possible this Mormon tradition may underlie, in part, Ms. Joann's attraction to your much-older father. In addition, it may be important to Ms. Joann for her parents to approve of her choice of a long-term (i.e., marriage) partner.
whatevur said:
She [Ms. Joann] likes the way he [my father] smells.
As I understand it, if a woman likes the way a man smells, and vice-versa, that's a signal, developed over the incredibly long times of human evolution, that their gnomes differ sufficiently that their offspring — whose gnomes will be a combination of the two — will have increased resistance to disease. But, I'll leave it to you to research this question (if you're interested).
whatevur said:
....... For some reason, my father has been trying to get Ms. Joann to start smoking. She said that whenever they go to his room to make out (that hurt to hear), he pulls a pack of cigarettes out of the drawer and offers her one. He doesn't smoke.
This is really dangerous. The nicotine in cigarettes is highly addicting. I'll speculate your father may be trying to get Ms. Joann addicted to cigarettes to draw her closer to him, because she would then have to enjoy her cigarette addiction in the privacy of his bedroom (presumably) to avoid the disapproval of others. And, smoking cigarettes really does cause lung cancer and a broad variety of other health aliments. Thus, your father is endangering Ms. Joann's health and, over the longer term, her life.
whatevur said:
She thinks it's gross, so she always refuses. I can't understand this.
Good. You need to strongly encourage Ms. Joann to continue to refuse accepting cigarettes, even one, from your father or from anyone else. And, you REALLY need to request your father, in a direct conversation with him, cease and desist from this practice.
whatevur said:
I asked if she loved him. She kinda clammed up. I told her that she can tell me anything. She says the thinks she loves him but isn't sure. They haven't said it to eachother yet. She asked how that makes me feel. I said it makes me jealous. I don't like it. I said I love her no matter what, though, even if she loves my dad. I told her that I know it's just a matter of time, and I'll live with whatever happens. She said she will probably tell dad she loves him sometime soon.
See my comments, above, re. the probable "why's" of this. In any case, the 3-way love (or affection) triangle between you, Ms. Joann and your father has the appearance of heading toward a very bad, tragic outcome.

Thus, I'll close by stressing that you really do need to get a handle on your feelings of jealousy. I'll try to get this point across by paraphrasing a comment I once read by a law officer. He said: "In homicides involving a love triangle, the woman's husband (or intimate partner or would-be intimate partner, as in your case) is ALWAYS the first suspect. And, sadly, he is often the last suspect."

Please recognize that jealousy can get out of hand. And if it does, it can permanently ruin your life — as well as your father's life, and potentially Joann's life too.
whatevur said:
Thanks for the advice and messages.
You're welcome. Please take my concluding comments seriously. They are the reason I spent more than a little time responding to your post.

—Custer
 
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Thanks for writing and updating us. In today's world we are all looking for distractions, thus we come to this site. We appreciate you providing insights into your life and sharing you thoughts and feelings while seeking advice and input.
It's not unusual that Joann is developing strong feelings and ties to your father. And while accepting it is difficult, it is something you must do in order to stay close to Joann, otherwise if she sees your resistance to her relationship with your father, she will turn her back on you.
As Custer said, the cigarettes are bad and should be avoided. Joann is doing a good job with this and your father should quit pushing it. It is probably a controlling move on his part.. get her to give in to smoking and he has taken the first step to getting her to give in to sex. And that brings up their getting together behind closed doors to have private intimate time together. Being in the bedroom it must be assumed that their makeout time is being done on the bed, which then one can assume that more than just kissing is going on. Laying on the bed making out leads to touching, mutual or with one partner leading the way. Do you think that clothes are being removed while they are alone and together. I would image so. And that kind of intimacy develops into love between them. The more time they spend behind closed doors, the more intimate bond and love will develop between them, and there's nothing you can do about that.
Be thankful that you are there to see them together. You being there is probably slowing this relationship down some. If you weren't there, Joann would be joining your father in bed much soon. And you know it's going to happen. The closed door makeout sessions are already progressing further, you just don't know to what extent it has progressed. and I'm not sure Joann will tell you what is taking place. In your heart you know that they are doing more than just kissing.
Are you getting used to watching them kiss and be intimate in front of you? The more accepting you are of it, the more it will be out in the open and not behind closed bedroom doors.
 
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It seems most people are giving you good advice. That being said, and this is just my veiw, you are in a world of disappointment if you can't just except the fact your doomed to be a cuckold. Unless u cut ties and move on with ur life.

You are letting other people run your life. Which is fine if you want and except it.

If she and your dad split up and you and her get back together it's going to cause problem with ur father. He might feel as you do seeing them. All of you will have to distance yourself from the situation.

Every way I see it, it's doomed for desaster.

A step mom that was once ur girl friend?

A wife that has had a relationship, possibly sex, with your dad?

A cuckold relationship where u share her with him?

Give up on her, go find a woman that loves you and only you?

Only choices I see
 
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I think you have to assume that whatever Andrea is saying, is coming from Joann. asking to change facebook statuses? immature way to say youre dumped. i'd put "its complicated" anyways...heck, even until youre married.

As for the cigarettes, kind of weird. likely 2 things: either your dad has a smoking fetish (google, a lot of people do), or its part of how he wants to get her to let out the inner "bad-girl" in her, most likely to release her sexually uninhibitted side. maybe in time she will do the same with you.
I'd recommend you watch the movie "Swingers"...you come across like the Jon Favreau character. Check it out, maybe take some cues. I think if you want to keep/get this girl back, youre going to have to become more mature, quickly. be more HBO, less Disney.

If this covid stuff wasnt going on, I'd suggest you think of the sluttiest girl within your circle of friends (both you and Joann/Andrea know her), and hang around her. A lot. and publicly so J&A know. The slutty girl is now the most interesting girl in the world to you, it would appear. You dont have to do anything with this girl, people will assume you are, or you at least have enough testosterone in you to want to try to.
See how joann responds...is she happy for you (in which case, move on emotionally from her, its over, she outgrew you and you missed the cues, shes relieved and liberated that she doesnt have to break your heart and do her own thing), is she jealous or find you more attractive (explore that maybe shes revealed what will make you more attractive to her).
tough to do these days though.
but whatever youre doing isn't working.
 
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Anything new to report? Just bumping this to the first page so it doesn't get lost.
 
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Maybe tell JoAnn to go further with you father with limits. Just oral and save sex for when you are together. Then they can express their desires but she still saves herself for you.
 
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It's been two weeks since you last posted. What's been going on in that time? Care to update you faithful followers?
 
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Looks like he's all done posting which is unfortunate love to know what was going on hope that it's working out okay for him
 
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Oh Brother. Did anyone here believe this story? Seriously! I think this kid was trying to put one by you. There are so many holes in this you could drive a tank thru it or the boy is seriously delusional and needs help.
Let's see, a dose of reality
She is 18 and he is 19 and they started dating 6 years ago which would have made her 12 and him 13. He believes he is in a relationship with her.
He gets pissed when she develops relationships with girls out side of what he see sees as exclusive. Sounds controlling to me.
He moves 30- 40 minutes away to go to college and gets a local job.
Quote:
"To make matters worse, JoAnn doesn't have a drivers license or have a car. She was never really interested in driving but she took the test a few times and failed so she gave up".
How unfortunate. It's JoAnn's fault! The bitch!
"That means any time I want to hang out with her I have to drive home to go get her".
Poor baby! So you have a car. But you have to drive 30- 40 minuets to see her. I drive 40 minuets every day to go to work. And another 40 minutes to come back to be with my wife. Grow up!
So the only solution to the problem is not for Dad to drive JoAnn 30 to 40 minuets away so that she can be with his son, it is for Dad to date her. Of course! The only logical solution.
Her bitch friends encourage him to dump her so that she can be with his dad and isn't life wonderful. Ya right. Most teens I know would have went YUCK. She is dating an old guy.
So due to the corona virus he takes the long trip home (30 to 40 minutes away) realizes his girlfriend and his dad are in a serious relationship.
His dad is not fucking his girlfriend because he is counting the condoms. But somehow he knows his dad is offering her cigarettes' even though neither smoke. Must have been French cigarettes' Gauloises.
Seriously!
Now that he is home and his dad is cuddling and has control over his girlfriend well there is nothing he can do but jerk off. Give me a break,
 
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zippless said:
Oh Brother. Did anyone here believe this story? Seriously! I think this kid was trying to put one by you. There are so many holes in this you could drive a tank thru it or the boy is seriously delusional and needs help.
Let's see, a dose of reality
She is 18 and he is 19 and they started dating 6 years ago which would have made her 12 and him 13. He believes he is in a relationship with her.
He gets pissed when she develops relationships with girls out side of what he see sees as exclusive. Sounds controlling to me.
He moves 30- 40 minutes away to go to college and gets a local job.
Quote:
"To make matters worse, JoAnn doesn't have a drivers license or have a car. She was never really interested in driving but she took the test a few times and failed so she gave up".
How unfortunate. It's JoAnn's fault! The bitch!
"That means any time I want to hang out with her I have to drive home to go get her".
Poor baby! So you have a car. But you have to drive 30- 40 minuets to see her. I drive 40 minuets every day to go to work. And another 40 minutes to come back to be with my wife. Grow up!
So the only solution to the problem is not for Dad to drive JoAnn 30 to 40 minuets away so that she can be with his son, it is for Dad to date her. Of course! The only logical solution.
Her bitch friends encourage him to dump her so that she can be with his dad and isn't life wonderful. Ya right. Most teens I know would have went YUCK. She is dating an old guy.
So due to the corona virus he takes the long trip home (30 to 40 minutes away) realizes his girlfriend and his dad are in a serious relationship.
His dad is not fucking his girlfriend because he is counting the condoms. But somehow he knows his dad is offering her cigarettes' even though neither smoke. Must have been French cigarettes' Gauloises.
Seriously!
Now that he is home and his dad is cuddling and has control over his girlfriend well there is nothing he can do but jerk off. Give me a break,
I hope you're right.
 
Sorry but I'm not convinced this is a story written by a young man and his girlfriend.

I've only read the first installment and haven't read the others but I'm getting the impression this is written by an older man who is into incest.

I would suggest you perhaps fill in your families background a bit because we don't learn much about your mother at all.

I was going to finish this off with "I could be wrong" but nope. It just reads implausible.
 
I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and wait to hear from him again. I'm hoping that next time he writes its to report that JoAnn has spent the night and chose to sleep in Dad's bed.
 
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whatevr, I see that you are on this site almost every day. How about an update?
 
Still waiting for an update. Since you visit this site daily, take a second to tell us what's going on.
 
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Come on... you've got to have something to report by now. How about a short update?
 
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msbevw said:
Come on... you've got to have something to report by now. How about a short update?

It is amazing how many people will drop off after their initial postings. I have seen this happen through the years.
 
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SquirmingSub said:
It is amazing how many people will drop off after their initial postings. I have seen this happen through the years.
What I think is sad is that he is on this site almost daily so it wouldn't take much to drop a line or two.
 
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