troubled_cuck said:
[My wife’s] pregnancy is going well, the doctors tell us everything is progressing as it should.
Good. Continuing pre-natal care is important.
troubled_cuck said:
After trying so many times, this is really a huge relief. Initially, my wife was certain the baby is mine. Now, she says she doesn't really care that much. She is happy we are finally starting a family.
Sounds like your wife has brought herself around to acceptance of the (probable) truth…
troubled_cuck said:
However, things have not been so well in our marriage the last few weeks. A week or so after my last post, my anger and jealousy finally got the better of me and it turned into a big argument. My wife and I never really argue, but this time it became a real fight. Things got out of hand so much that, looking back, it could easily have ended our marriage.
The need to successfully keep your tendencies toward anger and jealousy under control was, of course, what my post (above) was all about, in which I recounted the recent conviction, here in my home town, of a man who had shot and killed a husband while the husband was assaulting him because of anger and jealousy.
Clarification: contrary to what Saraha seems to think, I most definitely was not “advocating” that in any way, shape or form. Rather, I recounted that incident as a cautionary tale.
troubled_cuck said:
The trouble started after I got home, and found out Carl [my wife’s lover] had paid her another visit that afternoon. As you may guess, he did not come over just to help decorate the new baby room. This time, I finally let my wife know I wasn't very happy and I felt she was giving Carl way too much attention. My jealousy finally got out of control. I went into fight mode, and told her in my view, he was seriously intruding in our marriage, and if this didn't stop, I might flat out confront him about it.
Confronting your wife’s lover Carl in a state of anger would definitely be dangerous for both of you.
troubled_cuck said:
She became emotional, and the whole thing turned into a big confrontation. I hadn't seen her angry like this ever before. My wife accused me of being the one who had been wanting her to get pregnant by Carl. She told me I should suck it up, and finish what I had started.
She had a good point…
troubled_cuck said:
I told her I did not want to go on like this, and that I was feeling I had become a third wheel on our wagon. I pretty much told her I did not want to be married like this.
Arguably, “third wheel on our marital scooter” would have been a better analogy. But, your meaning is not in doubt…
troubled_cuck said:
She got very upset after I said that. First she went quiet, then she packed some clothes, then… without saying a word… she walked out the door. I honestly thought my marriage was over. I remember thinking she most likely would run off to Carl's place. If so, I was mentally planning our divorce.
Your blow-out and your wife’s response does, in fact, sound like a potential marriage-ender….
troubled_cuck said:
Fortunately, she didn't. My wife was born in Africa, and she made a wiser choice based on her African traditions. One of them is, whenever a couple has a serious fight, the wife should attempt to fix the situation by bringing the dispute to her mother-in-law. Apparently, I am expected to do the same — except, of course, her mother lives in Africa, thousands of miles away.
I interpret this as implying it’s more important to your wife to carry her pregnancy to completion successfully, and raise her child in a family that includes you as husband and father (in effect, if not as biological father), thereby maximizing her child’s (and her) chances of surviving and doing well, than to “punish” you by seeking solace in her lover Carl — which your wife, like you, probably recognized as an action with high divorce potential.
troubled_cuck said:
So, about 09:00 that evening I got a disturbing call from my very own mother.
By then, my sister and her husband had also arrived there, which meant my entire family was there talking to my wife about the fight she and I had. My mother practically summoned me to come over, leaving me no choice but to go there and deal with it.
Your mother sounds like an mpressive woman. Her summons has a more compelling sound about it than (say) a summons to serve on jury duty…
troubled_cuck said:
My heart sank in my chest I assumed my wife had just outed our whole situation with Carl to my entire family. But, to my great relief, she had not. All they know is, we had a big fight and I had threatened to walk out on her.
Your wife’s pregnancy rendered that in itself an emergency situation, regardless of the details of why it happened. I mean, hey — married couples fight about all sorts of things. Your family members… guided by your mother, I gather… seemed to recognize that if they enquired about the “why” of your fight, the need to resolve it could easily be lost as they chose sides and began fighting among themselves about who was “right.”
But, it’s easy to see it must have been a profound relief to realize your family seemed to know nothing about why you and your wife had fought, and that the reason(s) did not even seem to concern them.
troubled_cuck said:
This, however, put me in a difficult spot, since I could not properly explain why I was so angry with my wife without mentioning Carl. This meant that in the end, my entire family supported her instead of me, leaving me as the evil culprit of the entire situation.
.
This appears to be an undesirable outcome only if you fail to recognize the underlying imperative, which is your wife’s pregnancy and the exigency that it would be a disaster for all of them if you abandoned her and her child-to-be.
troubled_cuck said:
But we did manage to talk. A lot of things came out that night. I was finally able to tell my wife how neglected I had felt. As it turns out, however, my wife also told me she had been feeling seriously neglected by me as well. She complained I was not supporting her enough, and was not helping her enough with the household, especially now that she is pregnant. Most importantly, she says I haven't been giving her enough attention. She has been feeling that way ever since we got married.
This is the classic complaint of married women everywhere. During the romance phase of their relationships, their husbands-to-be pull out all the stops and treat them like princesses. After their marriages, their husbands drift off into the classic judeo-christian view that it is the proper role and job of their wives to “honor and obey” them and do all the housework, including most of the work in raising their children, while they earn money to support their families — and, after getting home each day, put their feet up and read their newspapers. This despite, in the vast majority of marital households now, both the husband and wife work outside the home.
troubled_cuck said:
In the end we did a lot of talking that night, and we have been talking ever since. It was well after 02:00 AM that my wife and me were more or less sent on our way home.
Excellent. Your wife was very wise in opting for this method of handling your fight, and your mother (I gather) was very wise in guiding your enforced, so to speak, meeting with your family members. A whole lot of families, and indeed married couples individually, find it impossible to talk with each other about important problems of an interpersonal nature.
troubled_cuck said:
While driving home together, I realized we still needed to talk about Carl, so halfway home I quietly steered the car to an empty interstate rest and parking area. There, we talked for over an hour about everything, and finally managed to tell each other how we both really felt. We ended up having make-up sex there right in the parking lot, and for the first time since her pregnancy I felt we finally were connecting again.
Sounds like a genuine expression of love…
troubled_cuck said:
It was the first time my wife and I ever had sex in a car. It was mind-blowing — more so, knowing there was a real chance someone might see us. I have heard plenty of people talking about having great make-up sex after a big fight, but this was honestly the first time I experienced of itr myself.
Risk of discovery can render sex extremely erotic; the higher the risk, the more intense it seems…
troubled_cuck said:
Another thing that has happened since is, my wife has started seeing her lover Carl a lot less. Partly it’s because the baby room is mostly done, except for some paint. But, I also noticed that recently she seems less smitten with Carl. I am not sure, but I think something may have happened between the two of them.
It’s tempting to speculate that Carl — having impregnated your wife, and having had continuing sex with her afterwards, and having donated his labor as a skilled carpenter to prepare a baby room — had feelings of “ownership” of your wife. If she… given your reconciliation… told him she wanted to see him less, they may have fought over that.
troubled_cuck said:
She says she still intends to see him regularly, but she recently hasn't been talking and texting with him as much as she did before.
You have not yet defined “regularly,” but if your wife (or any married woman) were to see her lover, say, about once per week, that would certainly be reasonable.
I suggest negotiating an agreement that, for the sake of avoiding major fights and preserving your marriage, your wife not see her lover all night followed by all the following day, nor for two or more nights and days consecutively. I also suggest you agree that, while your wife is with her lover, you will babysit and care for her infant and, later, her child (or children).
troubled_cuck said:
My wife and I have been much closer since then. Sexually, it is like we are completely rediscovering each other. As I said, our marriage has changed a lot since that evening. We are moving in a direction that I never thought might happen. In particular, my wife has truly started taking control in our marriage. For example, she finally has me wearing a chastity cage almost 24/7.
This may be more natural than you think. Your description of your mother taking control when your wife went to her and told her about your fight implies your mother is a strong woman with a dominant personality. Your descriptions of your wife, especially in this post, suggest she is a strong woman with a dominant personality. Ergo, while romancing your wife, you may have been subconsciously looking for a woman with your mother’s personality characteristics (regardless of racial differences).
If your wife takes lovers with your agreement… i.e., if she and you have a cuckold husband / hotwife form of marriage… and, even if you don’t, if your wife wishes to be in charge of her relationship with you, and if she also wishes to keep your tendency to sometimes become angry under control, then keeping you in a chastity cage, with her your sole key holder, should arguably be considered a best practice.
But, I hope your wife is not still requiring you to wear the cheap made-in-China toy chastity device you mentioned a while back. Those knock-offs are notorious for being uncomfortable, sometimes painful, and easy to escape from. Aficionados in this forum seem to recommend stainless steel devices as best and most reliable. If your wife has not yet found a good one for you, she’ll see there are many available if she googles “mail chastity devices.” Their use seems to be becoming increasingly widespread. Perhaps she could require you to save up for one that’s suitably high quality, and purchase it yourself.
troubled_cuck said:
I have always known my wife should be in charge in our relationship.
This seems to be the way marriages evolve in which the wife takes lovers and her husband accepts that… i.e., among couples who have cuckold husband / hotwife marriages. Arguably it’s a good form of marriage in many cases, even if the wife does not take lovers. In your case, you’re assisted by your apparently-natural tendency to view that as appropriate.
Lady Misato’s site provides a guide to wife-led marriages. See
Real Women Don’t Do Housework, here:
http://rwddh.com/index.html
(or, you can google it). It’s somewhat lengthy but psychologically-oriented and intriguing. One should read the sections in order, listed at left under the picture. I suggest also introducing your wife to this site. It’s well-suited to marriages in which the wife wishes to be in charge of the relationship and keeps her husband in a chastity device, as in your case.
troubled_cuck said:
Only recently has my wife began to embrace this role [being in charge of our relationship] without feeling much guilt about it. It goes against her African upbringing, when she was taught the husband should be the head of the household.
The cultural mileau a woman grows up in has a powerful influence in shaping how she views the “proper” roles of women and men in marriage. The same, of course, can be said of men.
troubled_cuck said:
The truth is, she likes being in control, and I do not mind when she is. Now she is asking fewer questions, and seems comfortable ordering me around when she feels she needs to.
Your wife is assuming her proper role in your marriage…
troubled_cuck said:
It feels right. I wish she had this a long time ago.
And, it sounds like you are coming around and accepting your proper role, as well.
troubled_cuck said:
I hope this text hasn't been too long. I tend to write way too much. My apologies for that.
Not at all. Your post was the right length to describe your situation, which is fascinating. No apology is needed.
troubled_cuck said:
I will try to explain more in a later post. Your feedback is greatly appreciated, as always!
I’ll look forward to updates as your wife’s pregnancy and your marriage evolve. Happy holidays!