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What Women Want

  • Thread starterRaunchyRandy
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RaunchyRandy

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Nov 24, 2006
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First, this thread is NOT going to help you guys who are here looking for a 'sex fix' or a one-night stand, although I will touch on that at some point in the post. I have watched all manner of guys attempting to connect with the woman who will be compatible with, complement, and complete him. They join dating clubs, surf the Internet, and spend countless hours in chat rooms looking, mostly without success. it seems. I'm not selling anything here; just offering an opinion based on my own experiences in searching for that 'special woman.'

The prevalent fixation here seems to be that White women will succumb to your ‘charms’ simply because you’ve got a BBC. That’s not so, any more than is the myth that Black men are more sexual, better lovers, and we all have big cocks (I call that ‘the fallacy of the phallus’). Granted, the focus here is on IR sex, but the paucity of real-time meets as a result of chat room or Forum connection seems to indicate that ‘it’s not really happening, people…’

You’d better able to bring much more to the table than sex if you’re serious about finding and wooing a quality woman of any culture. Good sex is simply one of the attributes that a woman looks for in a prospective partner, and it usually isn’t even the most important attribute, at that.

What is it then, that women really want in a man? I’ll list my thoughts here, in no special order. Women are complex creatures, diverse and unique, and changeable from one day (sometimes one hour) to the next. So, I’ll keep my thoughts general.

They want a man of character, intellect, and integrity. A man they can depend on to do what he says and say what he means. This also equates to truthfulness and honesty in your dealings with others.

They want a man they are proud to be seen with. Just as we want a woman who is ‘eye candy,’ they want a man who looks good, is well-groomed, smells good, and exudes confidence (as opposed to being cocky).

They want a man who makes them feel secure. A man of value and values; a man who they hold in high esteem because his values show through.

They want a man who makes them miss him when he’s not around. Yeah, they want romance, love, and affection; a man who is not afraid to show his emotions, and is strong enough (not afraid) to lead without being abusive in the relationship.

Of course, being self-sufficient helps; no woman wants to date a guy who spends more of her money (and drives her car more) than SHE does.

She wants a good lover, a considerate lover. If you’ve got a BBC; that helps. If you’ve got a big cock, that helps. If you’ve only got a small cock, what’s more important is HOW WELL you make love to her.

Value her. Whether you’ve got her on a leash, a pedestal, or a throne, make her know that she’s the most important person in your life. One thing I’ve found important is being able to judge her needs, and being what she needs you to be to her AT THAT MOMENT.

A woman wants a man that she can grow with—flourish with. If she’s ambitious and you’re not able to sustain the pace with her, find ways to further endear yourself to her. If the love and affection is sincere on both sides, the relationship will endure many obstacles.

It also helps if you’re a person who is able to share/give of himself to positive causes, projects, etc. Accomplish something, no matter how small. She’s going to see you in a very positive light because of it.

If you simply want a woman for a sexual encounter/one night stand, there are women for you, also. But first, look inward. Ask yourself if you’d want to have a sexual encounter with someone who has the same focus and ideals as you, because in this regard likes attract each other.

These are some of my thoughts about what women want from a real man. You don’t have to salute these ideas; you can discount them, boo, or yell ‘BS!!!,’ or whatever. If you have other ideas about what motivates a woman to respond to a man’s advances (these days, some women are strong enough to make the first move), share them with the Forum.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
 
Excellent post and right on the money, Randy. I too have found, in past "vanilla" relationships and swinging ones, that women want what they want when they want it and they often reserve the right to change their minds on what those things may be. There is no distinct or definitive answer as to what a woman (or a man for that matter) wants. Wants and needs change constantly, predicated upon situation, environment, mood, etc.

The most consistent thing that I have found about women is that they are complex yet not (as are all people) and the challenge, fun, mystery and journey of discovery of each individual woman is the glory of it all.
 
I don't think this is necessarily about meeting these "expectations" every single time or in every single instance, but rather about the effort and willingness to aspire to be and do these things for your partner. If you are endeavoring to these things and making a genuine, concentrated effort to be all you can be for your partner I think it's appreciated greatly. All of us should aspire to be this for not only our mates but ourselves as well. Idealistic and romantic notions? Certainly. Unrealistic? Perhaps. Unattainable regard? I don't think so. To be intimidated by greatness is to never achieve it.
 
the metrosexual backlash is coming. Women do not want to compete for bathroom mirror time with their man. Thay want a decisive masculine partner who can also listen (extremely hard to do) and cuddle. All that us men seem to need is a blanket, bowl of cereal and sex more than once a week.
 
pimpology101 said:
I don't think this is necessarily about meeting these "expectations" every single time or in every single instance, but rather about the effort and willingness to aspire to be and do these things for your partner. If you are endeavoring to these things and making a genuine, concentrated effort to be all you can be for your partner I think it's appreciated greatly. All of us should aspire to be this for not only our mates but ourselves as well. To be intimidated by greatness is to never achieve it.

Randy's post is good advice in general, just about how to conduct yourself as a man -- particularly one who is looking for a relationship.

IMO, it seems a little out of place here, though ... just because it seems the majority of women here are already in a serious relationship, and essentially are looking for only a sexual connection with a black man. Now, I'm not knocking having purely sexual relationships, nor am I suggesting that creating a good one requires no effort -- I'm sure anyone who's had a one night stand can testify to the fact that even that requires a certain degree of compatibility and communication in order to be fulfilling. Like you say, it's the challenge, fun, and mystery of it all that makes it worth while.

But for a married woman who wants to bring in a third to get in on with her husband and herself? How would your committment to positive causes really be relevent, there? Whatever her ambitions, doesn't she already have a man to grow and flourish with? And a man who makes her miss him when she's not around? Again, great advice in general, but if this is a woman who already has a loving and devoted husband, I wouldn't want her pining too much for me when I'm not around. Remember our time together well, even look forward excitedly to the next time -- but I don't think you should be looking to replace anyone's husband.

Thing is, and anyone can correct me if I'm misinterpreting, but I take this stuff mostly as a way of acting out fantasies. Your fantasies should not dominate or negatively impact the rest of your life, so most of the "relationship" type stuff in Randy's post seems off base.

IMHO, of course.
 
LOL Sticky, I have actually enjoyed (and agreed with) your posts today (particularly in the I'm normal thread) but I have to admit that even though I'm a knuckle-dragger I need more than cereal, a blanket and sex every so often. Men, despite what they will say most of the time and despite not wanting to seem any less macho, have emotional and intellectual needs that need met also.
 
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I don't think Randy was speaking in terms of a couple seeking an extra male to join them in a sexual scenario but rather a generality of what men can and should do to foster and bolster their committed relationships with the woman in their life. I could be wrong but that's how I took it.
 
pimpology101 said:
LOL Sticky, I have actually enjoyed (and agreed with) your posts today (particularly in the I'm normal thread) but I have to admit that even though I'm a knuckle-dragger I need more than cereal, a blanket and sex every so often. Men, despite what they will say most of the time and despite not wanting to seem any less macho, have emotional and intellectual needs that need met also.

Yes we do but in general I feel that we are way way way less complex in our emotional needs department. I do not ever want to talk about my day after it is over and if my sweetie has a problem every cell in my being screams (I can fix this, here's my advice) whilst all she wants is for me to quietly listen aaaarrrrrgggghhh!
 
I'll agree with that for the most part although I do sometimes myself want an ear to vent and bitch into after a particular bad day. Helps get over being pissed off then allows me to move on to more enjoyable things (such as pussy! LOL).
 
Will & Eve said:
Am I the only one who reads that list and is not a little intimidated by the standard being set?

...Don't misunderstand, I think this is a great post and a good, non-typical, discussion to try to bring some better interaction in this room....but I can't resist the observation that it is highly idealistic, bordering on pollyannaish.

I'll let Pimp's 1:18 pm post from yesterday serve as my response to you, Will...
QTE.
I don't think this is necessarily about meeting these "expectations" every single time or in every single instance, but rather about the effort and willingness to aspire to be and do these things for your partner. If you are endeavoring to these things and making a genuine, concentrated effort to be all you can be for your partner I think it's appreciated greatly. All of us should aspire to be this for not only our mates but ourselves as well. Idealistic and romantic notions? Certainly. Unrealistic? Perhaps. Unattainable regard? I don't think so. To be intimidated by greatness is to never achieve it. UQTE

He's right. I didn't expect anyone to interpret that failing to meet any of my observations would result in certain failure to meet and attract a quality woman. Indeed, the post was a 'general list' of things a guy could do to enhance his chances.

Now, if you tell me that you don't feel that any of my thoughts would be helpful in this regard, that's another thing. SOME of them are bound to be helpful to most in the battle to win a woman's heart.

My post was not intended to set any 'standard.' AGAIN, it's simply my thought as to how to improve a man's chance to impress a woman. I didn't expect everyone to salute it. But you'd be foolish to ignore most of the ideas I listed.

MINNESOTA BLACK's post provides a very good thought which complements my post. RELATIONSHIPS are what most people want, not just a sexual conquest. And I'll stand by the thought that my post helps many in their quest to that end.
 
Randy I agree with your list some what but all women are different and want different things in a man. The single ones want all the items you stated in a man but I think trust is the biggest issue amoung them. A married woman that swings or cheats and the husband knows wants one thing good love she wants a long session of foreplay and she wants to have her whole body awaken and every touch send a shot of excitement through her body she don't want all the stuff listed she just wants a good sexual experience one that her orgasm last for days in her mind and she wants her man again. So it isn't that I disagree but you can't make a list and group all women together.
 
Minnesota Black said:
Randy's post is good advice in general, just about how to conduct yourself as a man -- particularly one who is looking for a relationship.

IMO, it seems a little out of place here, though ... just because it seems the majority of women here are already in a serious relationship, and essentially are looking for only a sexual connection with a black man. Now, I'm not knocking having purely sexual relationships, nor am I suggesting that creating a good one requires no effort -- I'm sure anyone who's had a one night stand can testify to the fact that even that requires a certain degree of compatibility and communication in order to be fulfilling. Like you say, it's the challenge, fun, and mystery of it all that makes it worth while.

But for a married woman who wants to bring in a third to get in on with her husband and herself? How would your committment to positive causes really be relevent, there? Whatever her ambitions, doesn't she already have a man to grow and flourish with? And a man who makes her miss him when she's not around? Again, great advice in general, but if this is a woman who already has a loving and devoted husband, I wouldn't want her pining too much for me when I'm not around. Remember our time together well, even look forward excitedly to the next time -- but I don't think you should be looking to replace anyone's husband.

Thing is, and anyone can correct me if I'm misinterpreting, but I take this stuff mostly as a way of acting out fantasies. Your fantasies should not dominate or negatively impact the rest of your life, so most of the "relationship" type stuff in Randy's post seems off base.

IMHO, of course.

I already gave you your props for your comments to the 'relationship' portion of the thread starter.

However, I take issue with the rest of your post. My post was NOT SIMPLY (actually, not at all) about the '...married woman who wants to bring in a third to get in on with her husband and herself...' You're speaking to a sexual encounter, by a woman who is already in a marriage.

This thread is primarily for the guy who is pursuing a long-term committed relationship. The thread might seem out of place here for you, but I'm betting there are those who welcomed the thoughts I epxressed. RELATIONSHIPS are the reason most people seek out companions; actually RELATIONSHIPS are one of the basic tenets of our culture.

Your comments about the site being mostly for fantasy are interesting, but (I hope) not the basis for the site. I (want to) believe that there are actual people here who are seriously seeking a committed relationship. This thread is primarily aimed at THEM, not at someone who's here for fantasy 'fun' or cybersex.

I think this thread has a rightful place here, is informative, and conducive to good dialogue.

I do appreciate your response and thoughts.
 
muleman said:
Randy I agree with your list some what but all women are different and want different things in a man. The single ones want all the items you stated in a man but I think trust is the biggest issue amoung them. A married woman that swings or cheats and the husband knows wants one thing good love she wants a long session of foreplay and she wants to have her whole body awaken and every touch send a shot of excitement through her body she don't want all the stuff listed she just wants a good sexual experience one that her orgasm last for days in her mind and she wants her man again. So it isn't that I disagree but you can't make a list and group all women together.

I don't group all women together, mule. That's why I emphasized that my list was 'general' in nature. Nothing describing a relationship between two people can ever encompass ALL CASES. In fact, very few situations in life are 'absolute.' Not even taxes.

In the thread(s), I've said that women are complex and complicated people; an individual woman may take many different positions on the same issue from one day (sometimes, even one hour) to the next. In fact, I said that it's important to '...be what she needs you to be to her AT THAT MOMENT.' Perhaps, I didn't state it well enough.

Sex is only one part of the overall relationship. that's why, in my mind, it's important to have symmetry and compatibility throughout the overall relationship. Crudely put, it's not likely that you're going to just fuck your way through the (successful) relationship. Other factors have to come into play at some point.

GENERAL STATEMENT (not all inclusive):I've always felt that you get what you deserve; what you 'qualify' for in a relationship. IOW, if you ain't quality, you're not likely to have a quality woman (for long, anyway).
 
if you ain't quality, you're not likely to have a quality woman (for long, anyway).

BULLSEYE!!!
 
RaunchyRandy said:
You’d better able to bring much more to the table than sex if you’re serious about finding and wooing a quality woman of any culture. Good sex is simply one of the attributes that a woman looks for in a prospective partner, and it usually isn’t even the most important attribute, at that.

What is it then, that women really want in a man? I’ll list my thoughts here, in no special order. Women are complex creatures, diverse and unique, and changeable from one day (sometimes one hour) to the next. So, I’ll keep my thoughts general.

They want a man of character, intellect, and integrity. A man they can depend on to do what he says and say what he means. This also equates to truthfulness and honesty in your dealings with others....blah, blah, blah, blah


Now see, I disagree. Show me a picture of your dick and your face, if they are BOTH pleasing to me, I am there. HOWEVER, you must show up to get pussy!!! I AM SHOCKED at the number of guys that do not show after promising to be there. We drive 5 hours to get to Houston to play, we usually pay for the room and I provide the entertainment. Guys still NO SHOW more often than NOT. That pisses us off.

I am not looking for dinner conversation, a drinking buddy or someone to share cookie recipes with, I am looking for a WELL HUNG guy to play with, a guy to FUCK me the way I want to be fucked.

I DO NOT care if he has difficulty putting together a complete sentence or if he does not know who the Prime Minister of Kzackisatnislavia is. If he is nice to me in bed, works me over they way I like, I am happy. If he accomplishes all that, he normally gets an invite back for another round at a later date. THEY ALWAYS show up for the second round......
 
Anyone in the "lifestyle" longer than a minute says amen to that. But it's not just the men either; couples are often just as flaky. It's always been this way and is always going to be this way. The key is to not get so frustrated by these types of individuals that you give up altogether. You often have to kiss a lot of frogs (or be stood up by them) to find your prince or princess.
 
Txblueyes2k said:
Now see, I disagree. Show me a picture of your dick and your face, if they are BOTH pleasing to me, I am there. HOWEVER, you must show up to get pussy!!! I AM SHOCKED at the number of guys that do not show after promising to be there. We drive 5 hours to get to Houston to play, we usually pay for the room and I provide the entertainment. Guys still NO SHOW more often than NOT. That pisses us off.

I am not looking for dinner conversation, a drinking buddy or someone to share cookie recipes with, I am looking for a WELL HUNG guy to play with, a guy to FUCK me the way I want to be fucked.

I DO NOT care if he has difficulty putting together a complete sentence or if he does not know who the Prime Minister of Kzackisatnislavia is. If he is nice to me in bed, works me over they way I like, I am happy. If he accomplishes all that, he normally gets an invite back for another round at a later date. THEY ALWAYS show up for the second round......

I don't disagree with your comment. In fact, you fit very nicely in the '...If you simply want a woman for a sexual encounter/one night stand, there are women for you, also...' statement.

There's always someone who'll take you up on the offers. And you're right in another respect; many of them are so UNRELIABLE that you can't even count on them to show up. Isn't that a thought for another thread, though?

There are people who have character and there are people who are 'characters.' Take your choice.
 
Am I too blunt???

Am I too blunt??? Maybe I am, but sorry if that offends you / hurts your feelings. I am looking for one thing and one thing only, BBC to FUCK ME! Hubby tirned me into a BBC slut and I love him for it! I would never in my wildest dreams have thought I could turnout to be such a ***** to blk men.
I have hubby who really is my very best friend in the world, I have female friends and we have friends as a couple. I am not looking for anything but purely raw, animalistic sex, the hotter and nastier the better and I honestly believe that blk men are the answer (FOR ME!!). I love being used as a sex toy / object, fuck buddy, call it what you want, that is me, fuck me hard and DEEP, pump me full of cum and then turn hubbys tongue loose on my sore kitty......
 
We get it, Blue eyes, and we wish you had more luck in finding what you seek.

But his original post wasn't even directed at couples, swingers or lifestylers. Read the very first sentence of his post.
 

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