I understand perfectly what you mean because I share the same feelings, and they go back as far as high school. I was lucky to have one of the best looking and smartest girls in my school as a girlfriend, and we were both smart enough to not let anyone know we were fucking like bunnies every chance we got. She had a goody two shoes rep, so no one suspected, but as much as I liked having sex with her what I really wanted to do was share her with my "competitors," meaning guys who had always given me a hard time for one reason or another. Some of them were better looking, some of them were more athletic, and some of them were just arrogant assholes who were not nearly as cool as they thought they were. I talked to her often about it, and though she was interested in some ways, she was too smart to think we could actually get away with it in our small town. One day I sneaked her into the field house during football practice and hid her in a large cardboard box on the top shelf of the manager's cage. We cut a tiny hole she could peek out of and watch all the guys come in and take showers after practice. I wanted her to see the team naked then tell me who she'd like to fuck, and we pulled it off without a hitch. I hung around after everyone else left and sneaked her back out, and we fucked ferociously in my car that night talking about it. And who do you think she picked? She picked my three least favorite guys in the whole school: a good looking tight end who was a choir boy in public and a horny goat in private, a big offensive tackle who was well hung and a notorious bully, and a black running back we called "Tripod" for obvious reasons. The last was one of those sexually precocious ghetto types who had probably been fucking since he was 10 or something and got more white pussy than the rest of the team combined simply because he didn't give a shit about women as anything but fuck holes for his big dick. Even then girls preferred a gangster type who treated them like cunts. Anyway, I can't tell you (though you can probably imagine) how hot it made me to hear her actually say that she'd love to fuck any or all of them if I could figure out a way to allow her to do it and not ruin her church girl reputation. I tried all year my junior year and senior year to figure that out and never came up with a plan that she approved enough to actually do it, but when we decided to go to the same university together in a big city hundreds of miles away, it was a different matter. On our first orientation trip to the campus that summer after graduation, I convinced her parents to let us travel together and got my older sister to say that she could stay with her. In reality we got a motel room, got *****, and I invited an older black guy I met in the parking lot to come into our room and fuck her. He was hung nicely, if not too hard, and he hosed her righteously for a couple of hours. She was trying to give herself an out by playing like she was semi-conscious at first, but when he started talking dirty about what a fine young pussy she had and really laying the pipe to her, she gave up all pretense and started cumming all over that big black cock. It was my perfect fantasy come true and the beginning of a long love affair with black cock for her. Later, on our second orientation trip that summerl, I took her to a party at a fraternity house where I was being rushed and secretly told one of the senior guys and resident cocksman there how to get into her pants. They were serving punch laced with Everclear, and I encouraged her to have about two more drinks than she should have then introduced her to the cocksman and wandered off for a spell. He took it from there, and she ended up fucking him then pulling a train in one of the frat house rooms that night. I wandered in once after he'd turned her over to his frat buds, and there were five guys in the room jacking off while watching her fuck and three more in bed with her. She was *****, all right, but she knew what she was doing and she was enjoying it. I wanted desperately to climb on her naked ass and fuck that cum drenched pussy, but as soon as she saw me, she yelled at me to get out of the room, and the frat boys pushed me back into the hall. I could hear her moaning, screaming, and talking dirty, but they wouldn't let me watch. Unfortunately, those guys were all real pricks (which, again, really got me off), and they filmed her performance and let her know the next day that they had her on film fucking 11 guys and sucking off a few more, and if she made any trouble about it, they'd send the tape to her parents first then pass it around campus.
It was a harsh beginning, but she never even tried to get back into the closet she'd come from. She told me she actually felt liberated from the small town morals we grew up with and she just enjoyed fucking anyone she wanted to for a couple of years until she wised up and got serious about school. And, oh yeah, the cocksman stole her from me within a week by telling her how I'd approached him and told him how to seduce her and what she liked sexually, etc., not to mention encouraging her to drink too much when I knew what was about to happen. He fucked her for a few months then dropped her, and though she knew enough about me to not be too angry over the setup (after she was married and had three kids ten years later, she called me and asked me to set her up with some black cock on the side, and she admitted then that she knew exactly what she was doing that night at the frat party), she told me within a few weeks that I was "too immature" for her and dropped me like a hot rock. Strangely, that got me off, too. I felt she was right and I didn't deserve a hot chick like her, like she was too much woman for a faggot like me. And that gets into some of what I think is going on with guys like me and maybe you. I know my first sexual experience was homosexual, and it began when the cousin of a neighbor came to visit him when we were in the sixth grade. The cousin had just gotten out of reform school and was a 14 year old hoodlum with way too much experience. We sixth grade boys were at that stage when we were fascinated by jacking off and trying to cum for the first time, and we used to have circle jerks at whoever's house was available. None of us could cum yet, so it was kind of comical, with all of us doing a two finger stroke on our hard and hairless little dicks. Long story short, the hoodlum walks in on about five of us circle jerking at his cousin's house one afternoon and laughs his ass off. Then he agrees to jack off for us and show us what cum looks like. He had a huge (by our standards) conical dick with a fat base and a small head, which he kept spitting on. That spitting was the subject of much speculation after he left; we thought that he was spitting in his pee hole in order to make himself cum. Lubrication never entered our minds, but nevertheless the sight of him stroking that big dick with his big balls bouncing and the strained look on his face as he came was etched in my young mind as the most erotic thing I'd ever seen, period. It remains so to this day, 50 years later. The spurting ropes of white cum also fascinated me. I was dying to taste it, but I knew better than to say anything. I just hated to see it go to waste on the floor like that for some reason. I knew it was supposed to shoot into something, and if I had been alone with him, I would have offered my mouth as the place. Two years later when I was 14 and he was 16, he came back to town for the summer, and he must have seen something in me that even I wasn't aware of, because he called me aside and asked if I wanted to be his "girlfriend" for the summer. I was uncertain of what that meant, but he explained in great detail, promising me that he would let me play with his big dick all I wanted if I did everything else he told me to do that summer. He said that of all the boys in that room the day he jacked off for us, I was the one that he knew really wanted to taste his cum, and the hell of it was that he was absolutely right. If I had been alone with him that day, I would have sucked his dick for sure, and I had jacked off more than once thinking about that scene. It was impossible for me to imagine pussy that I had never seen, but that hard dick was easy to get aroused over and I had stroked myself silly thinking vaguely of what I'd like to do if I ever got alone with him. Mostly I just thought of stroking it for him, I think, but, of course, he had a lot more in mind, and he turned me out good that summer. By the time he left in late August I was an accomplished cocksucker, a lover of cum, and I was eager to get butt fucked, though I was way too tight to accommodate him that summer. He ordered me to work on stretching out my ass for him during the school year, and I did, using my sister's Tampax to fuck myself at first and eventually learning to take my best friend's cock. I also learned to deep throat on my best friend and was always eager to suck or fuck him anytime we got alone. That went on all through junior high school, and when my hoodlum lover came back that next summer he quit calling me his girlfriend and started calling me his bitch. That really got me off. Later, I discovered girls and pussy and didn't think much about cock again until I was really smitten with my high school sweetheart. Then I wanted to make of her what my hoodlum lover had made of me, and I suspect that at least some of the cuckold fascination is vicarious homosexuality. I know it is in my case, and how else do you explain wanting to suck other men's cum out of your wife's pussy. She's the bait for strange cock, but it's somehow much more fun to turn her over to strange men than it is to just be a cocksucker yourself. I've been both and still am, but I prefer having a female partner do the fucking and sucking for the most part.
