Confused....am I a Slut ?

[jennyb1983]

Hi Everyone,

I have been leading a secret life for a couple years now. There are things I want to get off my chest so I came her to talk about them.

let's start with I'm 31 years old and have been married for 4 years, I'm a petite, in-shape, blonde and have been told I'm "pretty hot". I love my husband and have since we met. We get along together great and he's a very caring, handsome and soft spoken man. 6 years ago when we met our sex was great! It was good for about 3 years then things started to slow down. It's not all his fault and mostly mine. 3 years ago my sex drive started to go nuts and I mean nuts. I wanted to have sex with him almost every day. I was wearing him out and he used to make excuses when I made sexual advances,he just couldn't keep up and started to feel bad. We tried toy and role play but it was short lived. I was so horny with lack of hot sex I had to go pleasure myself in various ways. It got to the point I was masturbating more and more to make up for what he couldn't provide me with and to satisfy my now ferocious sex drive.

I never told him I got myself off at least 2-3 times a day. I started to keep it a secret and find different ways and places to get off and was it was escalating fast. So I finally decided to see a doctor to ask about why I was feeling this way all the time. I secretly went to a specialist who overtime diagnosed me with being "sexually hyperactive" and having a hyperactive sexual desire and an addictive response to sexual stimuli. I never told my husband this or any of my girlfriends when I found out and kept it a secret. I have no problem keeping a secret to not hurt me or someone. I decided not to tell him so he wouldn't felt pressured or feel like not enough of a man for me (which sexually he wasn't). I also didn't tell my friends so they wouldn't look down to me for being weird, slutty or talk behind my back and spread rumors.

So I have been secretly doing A LOT of promiscuous things for the past 2 years to satisfy myself sexual desire and would love to get them off my chest. I don't want to lose my husband because he can't provide for me. I would really like to cuckold him and make him a part of my sexual appetite. He doesn't need to perform sexually this way and gets to enjoy seeing me having wild sex.

So here I am, CONFUSED......am I a Slut?


Thx Jenny

 

[tomexplorer]

Hey Jenny,

I certainly don't consider myself an expert in these matters, but I will share my thoughts with you and you can decide if you want to act on them, or not.

I think firstly that the fundamental component to any successful and lasting relationship is communication. If your husband loves you (which I am sure he does) then he should have been the first one you went to with this, even before seeking the advice of a professional. He should be the one who is privy to your deepest and darkest desires and thoughts. If you open up to him in this way, in a way that makes you vulnerable, I think that he will understand how much you love him and more importantly, how much you trust him. So I guess the first thing I would say, is that you need to gradually bring up this subject with him, and tell him how you feel. Express to him that your bodily chemistry doesn't reflect his abilities. You need to express this to him. We men hate feeling inferior - its built into our genes.

That then brings me to your second point of cuckolding him. The angst that the thought of inferiority creates for us men, if channelled properly, can be turned into a fetish. It will probably raise his desire for you on some level, and you may get more attention both out of him and your future lovers. Its important though that you let him know that you don't have any plans of leaving him. Joke with him when you express this sentiment - talk about the fact that he's a gentleman and that you want a gentleman by your side and that you would NEVER leave him because of sex - that your relationship is so much more connected than that. However, the fact seems to be that you want to get used from time to time, or experience a bigger cock, or a more dominant man.

This then brings me to the final point. The word slut in society has been used with a negative connotation, as if to suggest that promiscuity among women is immoral. What's the word for promiscuous men? Womanizer? Seriously Google, that's what you came up with? Being called a womanizer doesn't sound nearly as bad as being a slut. That's because, I believe, that our language was designed in a way that oppresses women. I don't know why. For example, why are there different titles for women on the basis of their marital status and not men? Being a 'slut' is fine. As long as you pay attention to your marriage, take care of your children and give them the love that they deserve, then why does it matter if you're getting fucked by two huge cocks every other night after 11pm in the pool house? Why should anyone other than your husband be allowed to judge you for that?

I guess in summary, I would say you should trust your husband. Talk to him. Bring it to him gradually and sensitively - we men are just as fragile as you women. Whatever you do, DON'T betray his trust and go behind his back. Doing so may spell the end of your relationship. Betrayal is infinitely worse than you getting filled. He will know this deep down, and once he accepts your body's needs, he will be forever endeared by the fact that you trusted him with this.

Tom

 

[jennyb1983]

Thanks for your post. At this point I think I am past telling him about my promiscuous encounters of having sex without him. And like I said, I don't want to lose him because he can't provide all the sex I need, but I have done much more to lose him in the path I have chosen to go. I can however try to bring him into my sexual active lifestyle again. Even if he only watches I would love that. But until I can figure a way to do that I will continue to have sex with guys that come on and flirt with me I meet while out like a slut to satisfy my sexual desire. If he knows anything about what I'm doing he's good and not showing it. Sometimes I wish he would get a hint and and be ok with it, but I think that's a slim chance

 

[Jaxunman]

Without honesty, it will not work. I am curious though, is your husband having performance issues, bad in bed, or you just need more sex? You allude to all three possibilities in your post. How do you see bringing him into your sexual lifestyle? You mention "again", have you not been giving him anything? Do you want to bring him into this to only watch you? What do you envision his role being?

You should be honest with your husband about what is going on. He may go along with you. However, you should be prepared for the possibility that he may have no interest in a cuckold arrangement or a wife who cheats. It should ultimately be his decision of what he wants to choose. Honesty is not always the popular thing to advise on this site, but it is always the best policy.

One last thing, if you are meeting as many others guys as it appears you are saying you are, word will get back to him at some point. You will be seen out somewhere by others who know you both. Had you rather your husband find out from someone else?

 

[2wheel]

You seem to NOW be boxed into a corner. Honesty, you broke that trust, you cheated, you lied, about yourself, your sex partners, you doctor visits. You should have spoken to him early on, include him in the process of finding an answer.

EXAMPLE: I told my wife she could have sex with anyone she wants whenever she wants, with 2 conditions: 1-she tell whoever I am OK with it, 2-she gives me all the details if I ask. So a few summers ago while cleaning her car for her I found an open, mostly used, tube of lube. When approached she denied, again and again. She could have said, 'yes I did, what do you wan to know?', she didn't she broke the trust, she lied, AND YOU CAN'T GO BACK IN TIME.

You could tried and act like it is the beginning of the process, that nothing has yet happened, but what a tangled net that would weave, Remember the most vulnerable part of a man is his ego.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Hi Ms. Jennyb,

…. So I have been secretly doing A LOT of promiscuous things for the past 2 years to satisfy my sexual desire. …. I don't want to lose my husband because he can't provide for me [sexually]. …. So here I am, CONFUSED......am I a Slut? —Thx, Jenny

No, you’re not a “slut.” You’re a healthy woman with a strong sexual appetite. It seems increasingly recognized that female sex drive maximizes when a woman is in her 30’s; you seem to exemplify that.

Also, people… both women and men… have varying sex drives just as people vary in more-or-less all other human characteristics — athletic ability, artistic talent, mathematical ability, etc. There’s nothing wrong with being a high-end sexual performer, just like there’s nothing wrong with a man who plays (say) on a college basketball team being much better at basketball than the average man on the street.

There are many women with stronger sex drives than the men they’re married to. You’re dealing with it in the classical fashion: by taking lovers.

… I don't want to lose [my husband] because he can't provide all the sex I need …. I can, however, try to bring him into my sexually active lifestyle again. Even if he only watches I would love that. But, until I can figure a way to do that, I will continue to have sex with guys that come on and flirt with me, whom I meet while out like a slut to satisfy my sexual desire. …. Sometimes I wish [my husband] would get a hint and and be ok with it, but I think that's a slim chance.

Adopting and carrying out a strategy to transform your husband (now your cuckold, by definition) to your self-acknowledged cuckold is the way to proceed, in my opinion, as you obviously recognize. There’s a fairly extensive online literature on this subject. A way to start him moving in your desired direction, by getting the erotic gears turning in his brain, would be to mention that you happened to run across this article:

The science of cuckolding by Susan Gower:
http://cuckoldcouple.wordpress.com/the-science-of-cuckoldry/

and ask him what he thinks of it.

Then, move on to the strategy outlined here:

What if all this is your idea and not his idea?
http://incidentalhotwife.blogspot.com/p/what-if-its-your-idea-and-not-his-idea.html

There are links to many other good “cuckold husband / hotwife” marriage articles on this site, including this one which may be of interest to you (then later, to your husband):

Musings of an incidental hotwife:
http://incidentalhotwife.blogspot.c...t-other-women-how-to.html?zx=38a6bf4a9736d925

Whenever the time seems appropriate, I suggest introducing your husband to this article:

Dr. Cherry Lee on the cuckold husband / hotwife phenomenon:
http://cuckoldcouple.wordpress.com/the-cuckold-phenomena/

The above will be more feasible… i.e., you will maximize your chances of success, IMO… if you become the dominant partner in your marriage. Note this does not imply becoming a “bossy wife” or “wife who nags.” A good strategy for accomplishing this in a loving and seductive way, which has good potential for increasing your husband’s responsiveness to you (IM0), is outlined by Lady Misato, here:

Real Women Don’t Do Housework:
http://www.rwddh.com

Good luck!

—Custer

 

[2wheel]

The definition of a slut is: a promiscuous woman. You may have a healthy appetite but if you're promiscuous you're a slut.

That is not a value judgement, it's a simple formula. And it's NOT a bad thing. Enjoy it while it lasts, cause nothing lasts forever.

 

[Will2112001]

Jenny I hate the word Slut. You have certain needs. For whatever reason. Far be it for Me or anyone else to judge You. If Your married or in a relationship. Your partner has a right to know. (Yes I know its easy for Me to say that.) But as others have pointed out. Relationships are based on Honesty. Your marriage is on borrowed time. You have a medical condition. If its Hyperactivity. It can be treated thru medication. But lets be honest. Sex is Fun. Your husband maybe open to opening up Your Relationship. If he loves You, Give him some credit for doing the right things. But it all starts with You being up front with Him. If I were Your Husband We could have a lot of fun. Your Husband may want to have fun. but it all starts with You sitting down with Him.

 

[JimOakey]

And because I need to stab people in their backs makes some people say I'm a murderer, but see, I have a nice smile, so I'm just a guy with an over active stabbing arm. Oh, and I'm not a ****** because I swipe little kids and stick my dick up their asses, No, look at how sincere my intentions are to not hurt them too much. I just have this fetish to bully kids, don't make me a criminal, it's NOT a bad thing.
Face it, Jenny, you're a slut, a cunt, a tramp and a cheater. So be who you are and cheat. And, you being here at this website proves it; you're among friends ...who kind of, like, half-assed, cowardly feel they need to appease your indiscretions to legitimize their own. And it's NOT a bad thing. There's not punishment for it, no hell, no just deserts, no....oops I may have spoken too soon!

 

[Will2112001]

It must be nice to be so perfect. It must be such hard work being better than everyone else.

 

[jennyb1983]

Thanks guys, we all have our opinions and we are all here for some sort of perverted reason and who here is to judge what another likes or doesn't like? I have no regrets on what I'm doing to satisfy my appetite for sex.
In fact yesterday when out shopping at the mall I met a cute businessman and he seemed eager to chat and flirt with me. Well it got me hot with the attention he was giving me so I teased him back a little and he didn't back down. So I pretty much asked him if he was staying close by in a hotel to which he replied yes. I then almost made him spit out his Starbucks kiosk coffee when I said to him "so are we heading back there to fuck or what?" Omg you should have seen his face, that's another thing I love about being a slut. I turn the tables and give the men what they usually pull on us women. Needless to say we went back to the Hampton Inn and the stud fucked me like a champ!

 

[2wheel]

Atta girl!

My wife says she was like that before we met. She would have sex with anyone, anytime, anywhere. She said she NEVER said no. She says she had sex with over 300 different men.

That is so hot, it gets me hard every time I think of it, like now as I write this.

Now she is completely sexless. Like I said, enjoy it while it lasts, cause nothing lasts forever.

To answer your question again. Yes you are a slut, congratulations, you should give lessons to all those tight assed women out there that guard their sexuality like its Fort Knox.

 

[jennyb1983]

Atta girl!

My wife says she was like that before we met. She would have sex with anyone, anytime, anywhere. She said she NEVER said no. She says she had sex with over 300 different men.

That is so hot, it gets me hard every time I think of it, like now as I write this.

Now she is completely sexless. Like I said, enjoy it while it lasts, cause nothing lasts forever.

To answer your question again. Yes you are a slut, congratulations, you should give lessons to all those tight assed women out there that guard their sexuality like its Fort Knox.

hehe
They are just uptight little bitches who cant express themselves the way they really feel.
Hey, if a guy can be a pig and fuck women a hot girl can be a slut and fuck guys !

 

[jennyb1983]

Well if it goes bad with the hubby you can cuck me and I'll provide for you!

Thanks, but I dont think he's going anywhere soon

 

[Custer Laststand]

Re. Will commenting on JimOakley (post #9):

It must be nice to be so perfect. It must be such hard work being better than everyone else.

Really. All us guys an' gals gotta' be envious, and sympathetic to boot...

 

[Custer Laststand]

Re. Jennyb replying to 2wheel (post #12):

Hehe... They [married women who guard their pussies like Fort Knox] are just uptight little bitches who can't express themselves the way they really feel. Hey, if a [married] guy can be a pig and fuck women, a hot [married woman] can be a slut and fuck guys !

You've got it right*, Ms. Jennyb. Keep up your good work!

* I hope my insertions, intended for clarification, are in accordance with what you meant...

 

[Custer Laststand]

Hubby loves it when I flash. I don't know who enjoys it more - him or me. I definitely am an exhibitionist...

Good for you. If you've got it, flaunt it...

...and he loves me being a hotwife.

And, good for him. It sounds like you scored a for-real progressive husband...

The more I do it, the more I want it, and the more he loves it.

Other women on this forum have said this (in essence). The more they fuck other men, the more they want to fuck... it seems to be a form of positive feedback. So, if it turns your husband on progressively more and more, so much the better...

The stakes keep getting higher every year, ...

As indicated, clearly, by your current strong desire to find, seduce and fuck a lover with a very thick 10- to 12-inch cock...

... [so] guys, you should be ready for this. [If your wife becomes an exhibitionist, that will] ultimately be the gateway to your wife becoming a full blown hotwife, just as it was for me.

As it should be...

Now I am free to express my desires, and even though we haven't acted out on everything, I am definitely doing more sexually-adventurous things every summer. I guess the confidence I express, by showing my most intimate body parts to the guys (and girls) who smile and stare at me, has opened doors to new horizons I would never have expected when I first became sexually active.

You are an inspiration to married women everywhere, Ms. Jennyb... but, what?! Only during the summers...?!

I guess the husband...

As an aside, referring to your man as "the husband," like men who refer to their woman as "the wife," suggests you view him as a possession sort of like your TV, or your refrigerator...

...loves the idea that he is married to a woman that is sexually desired by other guys, and also knowing that his wife has sexual desires [so raw they drive her] to flaunt her sexuality and, ultimately, have sex with any guy she desires.

Broadly speaking, this seems to be among the motivations for cuckold husbands who find it a heavy turn-on that their wives fuck other men. It enables them to accept and savor the desirability of their "cuckold husband / hotwife" marriages...

I know that is the way we have become, and it has made us closer and more sexually charged than ever.

As it should...

Unlike the cuck experience, the whole experience for us means we now fuck more, and more publicly than ever before, and we are both more attracted to each other than we have ever been.

Good! Please don't interpret this as negative criticism... but, I suggest this is an overly-narrow interpretation of the "cuck experience." The definition of a cuckold is, a man with an unfaithful wife. It's short and simple. It implies nothing about the details of the relationship between a married woman who takes lovers and her husband. Your comments are in accordance with the observation that the more lovers a married woman seduces and fucks, the more she wants to fuck — including your husband, in your case — whom you obviously find satisfying. Other couples in "cuckold husband / hot wife" marriages may find that other variations on the theme appeal to them.

Enjoy your wives!!!

That's good advice, IMO. I would only add... and, accept their freedom to enjoy their own sexuality.

 

[2wheel]

There'a a now infamous saying in the motorcycle world, it even became a sticker:
"my wife says if I buy one more bike she's gonna leave me ----- sure gonna miss her"

Now change the wording slightly:
"my husband says if I take one more dick he's gonna leave me ------ sure gonna miss him".

It's you body, it's your life. Don't let anyone dictate how to use it. If anyone asks, they won't understand.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Hi Ms. Jennyb,

For some reason I missed this great — actually, outstanding — post.

Thanks guys, we all have our opinions and we are all here for some sort of perverted reason...

Ain't that the truth. (And, you're welcome...)

...and, who here is to judge what another likes or doesn't like?

Not me. Or, "It ain't me, babe" as Bob Dylan would put it, no doubt...

I have no regrets on what I'm doing to satisfy my appetite for sex.

Good! I mean, if it weren't for sex, the entire human species would go extinct in one generation flat. So, keep up your good work...

In fact, yesterday while out shopping at the mall I met a cute businessman and he seemed eager to chat and flirt with me.

Cool...

Well, it got me hot with the attention he was giving me, so I teased him back a little and he didn't back down.

The plot thickens...

So I pretty much asked him if he was staying close by in a hotel, to which he replied "yes."

He was stunned...

Then, I almost made him spit out his Starbucks kiosk coffee when I said to him: "So, are we heading back there to fuck, or what?" OMG, you should have seen his face...

You blew him away. The "look on his face" probably meant he was fighting to restrain himself from peeing in his pants...

That's another thing I love about being a slut. I turn the tables and give the men what they usually pull on us women.

Perfect! From my point of view as an expert on these matters (i.e., I'm a man), you are taking exactly the right approach.

My own experience, for whatever it's worth, has been that in the movies hot women ALWAYS put the make on the men they want, but in real life they rarely do. They generally expect the man (i.e., me) to take the initiative and call them, etc. etc. ...you know the drill. Only during recent years have I begun meeting some women who call me. If more women realized that a whole lot of men are turned on by women who are seductively assertive and sexually take the initiative, they would increase their range of opportunities...

Needless to say, we went back to the Hampton Inn and the stud fucked me like a champ!

Great! You weren't afraid to make your desires clear, and you scored.

Incidentally — or perhaps not incidentally — do you wear your wedding rings when you're out and about in places where you suspect you might encounter a "man of interest" to you?

I ask because it seems to me that when you make it clear you're interested in a particular dude, wearing your rings would most likely increase your sexual appeal, in the sense that he would realize he's facing a large possible reward with no risk of commitment. That is, in addition to the possibility of enjoying the pleasure of a good fuck, he would realize there's a chance, however slight, that he might impregnate you... and thus, since you're married to someone else... pass his genes along to the next generation at no cost to himself (since any child that might result from your coupling would be raised by another man, your husband).

In any case, your post is a clear example of the benefits to you, an attractive woman (I'm sure), of sexual assertiveness.

—Custer

 

[motorcitypaul]

I agree, you can't go back. Take it slow. Let your hubby take pics of you, let him know you'd like to share'em for your male internet connections. Then, let him know you wish to meet just one guy,have some kind of date night just for you. Try that.