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Denial 2015

  • Thread starterSoonToBe
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  • #501
Sorry - today's been crazy at work. So far it is definitely tweaking my beta-desires. I know it's going to sound cliche or whatever but I really did enjoy last night with her. It's so hard to put into words how strangely satisfying it felt to see her so "well used" and yes, it was equally satisfying to talk about it with her and to have her literally show me her used body and orifices!

I don't know how long this buzz will last but so far, the thought of not fucking her isn't bothering me just yet. It was pretty intense last night being with her but not being with her if you know what I mean. I know cuddling up afterwards was a really sweet moment for us - I knew she was still reveling in the post-fuck bliss with Paul and she knew I was so horny from it all even after jerking off with her.
 
  • #502
Steve, I think the technical term for your feeling is Euphoria. Not being drug or otherwise induced it is likely to wear off eventually. To be replaced by .....
Thanks for the great update though. Your journal will help you retain some great memories when the time comes to move on.
 
  • #503
SoonToBe said:
Sorry - today's been crazy at work. So far it is definitely tweaking my beta-desires. I know it's going to sound cliche or whatever but I really did enjoy last night with her. It's so hard to put into words how strangely satisfying it felt to see her so "well used" and yes, it was equally satisfying to talk about it with her and to have her literally show me her used body and orifices!

I don't know how long this buzz will last but so far, the thought of not fucking her isn't bothering me just yet. It was pretty intense last night being with her but not being with her if you know what I mean. I know cuddling up afterwards was a really sweet moment for us - I knew she was still reveling in the post-fuck bliss with Paul and she knew I was so horny from it all even after jerking off with her.
OMG. You HAVE to give us more details of the tease conversation she did while u were pleasing yourself. That was SOOO damned hot!!!
 
  • #504
Unfortunately, I am actually heading into work early this morning - before Sue leaves so I"m kind of rushed right now.
More later and later tonight while she's at Paul.
 
  • #505
Good luck with your journey Steve. Sue seems to really like tweeking your nerves and desires. You are one lucky man! I hope the euphoria lasts for some time. The test will be when it drops off. Thanks for sharing with us.
 
  • #506
Steve, I'm guessing Sue didn't go out last night unless you spent the whole night jerking off thinking about what they were up to? It must have put a crimp in both your sex lives if she stayed in though...
 
  • #507
Well it's 12:30 in N J. Any bet's on any kind of news from Steve about what happened Tue. evening, and tonight. (Wed.)

Come-on Steve, think hard and put something together for the troops here.

Harry
 
  • #508
Speculation follows, but real life does intervene and it is important we always know that what/when/if Steve shares, should always be appreciated for these many years of his efforts/time.

When we at times demand, question, why he is not posting,,,, is there respect, or understanding for Steve? Does Steve owe any of us his time?

Just some points for each of us to ponder above. )

Harry, Possibilities:

1. Writing, can take lots of energy and emotion. First suggestion would be job related with Steve. After all this is real life.

2. Sue's Dad

3. Kid issues

4. My best guess is with what happened on Sunday, takes a lot of emotional energy out of Steve which was not good for recharging his batteries so to speak. Work issue came up and he may have been more affected with what is going on with Sue plus job combined. Potentially a break down of sorts. Nature tends thru life to always find a balance. As Peak pointed to euphoria, so to does a equal emotional down side tends to more likely occur which may explain the lull.

Steve is probably emotionally spent so is dealing with the downers and then gets some rest which can be much needed.

5. Something came out of the woodwork with Paul or Sue.

Something has occurred but we all need to remember that real life issues do happen from time to time. )

Regards.
 
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  • #509
manon said:
Speculation follows, but real life does intervene and it is important we always know that what/when/if Steve shares, should always be appreciated for these many years of his efforts/time.
Well, I guess I'm sometimes not good at British humor as Peak can attest, so speaking in 'jest' is not my forte. However I think Manon does make a good point as I quote above, I'm sure to agree that "real life does indeed intervene."

Cheers, Harry
 
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  • #510
Work was just havoc on Tuesday and to be honest, it was hard going home to an empty house Tuesday night. I didn't have the energy or really the arousal/desire to get online here. Not to say that I wasn't horny or didn't jerk-off - I surely did. I felt turned on about where she was and what she was doing but at the same time, perhaps the reality of denial peeked through.

Same yesterday morning as I just felt like I was kind of drugged or in a daze sort of - I slept okay but was also painfully aware of the empty bed next to me. She was home already when I got home and the weirdest part was that as soon as I saw her and we hugged and kissed, the angst and ill-feelings seemed to leave almost immediately - and instead, my beta-cuck desires kicked in like 100% last night! I think it's her physically not being here that gets to me more than not having sex with her if that makes any sense.

Work has just been crazy this week - fortunately I am working remote today - but still, little free time. I hope to have more time after this morning's meetings to update - but yes - last night was most definitely a continuation of last weekend where she very much is pushing my beta-cuck desires in my face and asking me to tell her about how I feel about it as she lay next to me just as she did last weekend and let me "see but not touch". I'll say now that it was incredibly arousing to me to hear her tell me about her night with Paul. She told me how she slept in the nude with him in bed and she also told me how much easier it feels for her to be with him now that she knows she will only have sex with him.

More later - but I'm already hard this morning just thinking about this from last night even though I probably couldn't cum if I tried today.
 
  • #511
Steve as always a very heart felt and honest update. Thank you for sharing with the forum.
 
  • #512
So, not sure where to start other than in not so many words, she is really "putting my face in it" so to speak. Obviously it's a figure of speech as I'm surely not doing that to her for real.

But as with last weekend, she's very uninhibited about showing me her body and telling me very pointedly and asking me if I "miss this" as she points to her pussy or even teasing me about "remember when you used to feel this" as she'd put her fingers in her pussy. The thing is, she wanted me to tell her and answer her. I found it hard to talk about at first - both last weekend and last night - but as with the past Wednesdays, once she got me to open up, it felt good to tell her. She asked me how it felt to know that I wasn't going to feel her again (yes for Raks and Harry - I know that she didn't say it was only for a while - she said it just like I wrote it). I told her it turned me on and she laughed and said she could tell from how hard my cock was. She teased me a little bit and told me that it turned her on to see me so hard and that she wasn't going to let me in her. As she talked I opened up and I told her that it drove me crazy that Paul was the only one fucking her now and that it turned me on that he was taking my place in her. She giggled at how I said that and among other things she told me how she liked how he fucked her and that now - that we aren't having sex together that she is much more into it with him.

As an FYI to side-track for a second - part of our conversation over the past few days has also been around her schedule with him and I asked whether she's told him anything about what we're doing and she said no. She did ask if I wanted her to tell him - but more about that later. But she did tell me that he doesn't want anything more than he has with her. We talked about the times she went away in the past and she said that she wasn't surprised he hasn't asked her and told me that he's going away this weekend. I asked her if she'd wanted to go with him (not knowing where he was going just asking in general) and she said that she was kind of surprised he hasn't asked her for anything more in that way. I didn't tell her the thoughts that I had that maybe he's just happy with having regular good sex without many strings (if any).

She told me how she likes his cock to be deep in her when he cums too. I told her that turned me on too and again she giggled at how my cock was drooling as we talked more and more openly. She amped it up when she told me that she can feel him against her cervix when he cums and I almost drunkenly told her that it turned me on that all her "nooks and crannies" are filled with his cum so much.

She pulled up her night shirt and showed me her pussy - spread it apart and even told me to look and then giggling, asked if she looked still wet from him. I seemed like forever since I'd seen her so explicitly - her clit was firm and standing up and deep inside where the pink turned darker, I swore I could see his semen still in her and I told her that it turned me on that she would only fuck him now.

We went back and forth for a while, she told me how she liked to climb on top of him and ride him "cowgirl style" and then she taunted the heck out of me by telling me "he likes it like you used to when I lean over and let him suck at my breasts while he's in me". I swear, just like that. I can't even really recall much more after that as it wasn't long before I exploded and came all over. She squealed as I let go and she cooed and told me "come on baby, make it cum" as I kept stroking it.

She did reach down and cuddle my balls and she did do the last bit - she ran her thumb from way down below my balls up to the tip of my cock and she moaned out loud as I felt her squeeze out the last drops of cum. But it really was the look in her eyes as I lay there catching my breath with my wet cock lying on my stomach - the look in her eyes and then - without a doubt - the most intense, passionate and loving deep kiss that I can remember in a long time. As we ended our kiss she pulled back and whispered "I love you" to me as she sat up and then giggled and said "lets clean you up....".

Now, I am quite sure I missed a lot but it is almost 6pm and I need to hit submit now. More later possibly. She is home tonight - they're not seeing each other till next Tuesday but she has also hinted that she might want to try 2 nights in a row with him next week. I'm kind of scared to think about it but yet, I would like to feel it.
 
  • #513
So - we were cuddling up in bed and she asked me to rub her back. I started with her shoulders and then the middle of her back. She didn't say anything when I worked my way down to the lower back and just onto her butt (Harry knows the spot, I'm sure). I loved feeling her naked beneath her night-shirt and I started to get hard as I continued. I worked my way back up and as I rubbed her shoulders I got an "ahem" as I guess my hands wandered or went towards her breasts. When I was finished and she was ready to fall off to sleep she whispered to me that if I needed to "take care of things" that I should go into the office and then be quiet when I come back.

So here I am, I am so horny right now. Its such an deep feeling kind of horniness too - or maybe it's all in my head. I don't know - I just think of her last night so open and explicit with me and now this tonight. I guess I'll get used to it.
 
  • #514
I like hearing about the direction this is taking. Has Sue said anything about her and Paul doing more outside of the bedroom, such as going out on dates for dinner or 'normal stuff'?They can't spend all of their time inside after all. It is hot to hear that she wants to spend more nights at his place. I bet it won't be long until she is spending half her time at this place.
It would also be expected that spending so much intimate time with Paul that "love" doesn't start creeping into their post-sexual comments to each other.
 
  • #515
Steve, you are indeed living your dream at the moment. For some it would be the seed of nightmares to come but I suspect not you. The surprise for me is not your position or your reaction to it but that of Sue. Nothing in the previous six years of postings here suggested that she would go quite this far nor take such vicarious joy in imposing her will in this way. For all her statements of a romantic return in time for you I wonder already if you believe either if you can, as you have every time before, successfully put this genie fully back into the bottle? It's a bit early for Sue to be even talking about it but she seems to be enjoying her alpha role too much to cede it again. What do you think?
 
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  • #516
Bev, from what Sue has said, Paul doesn't show much more interest than what I've seen myself so far. I think she is perhaps disappointed that he doesn't want more, but - at least from what I see - she is happy about it too. That seems to apply to both more time together during the week as well. I too am a bit surprised - and if I'm being honest, I guess maybe a bit disappointed too - I had thought the idea of a bit more intensity between them might be arousing - but in the same way, I'm also content that it's not any more intense. But things can always change.

Peak - I think she is very much wanting to give me "all that I asked for" and I admit that her forthcomingness and explicitness is a bit surprising to me too. Does that mean it's what she wants for the long term now, I don't know - as you say, it's a bit early to tell. I really doubt it though. As I said to Bev, if I saw more "spark" between them or something more - then I would be concerned. I suppose though that one possible reality could be that she looks for another boyfriend instead of returning to me. To be honest, I hadn't really considered that till I read your post and began to write this answer. That wouldn't be a good thing for me if she (or I) felt we couldn't go back and that she felt she would need another man in this way instead of me after things end with Paul. But again there, I still feel that my satisfaction and "enjoyment" is a part of her desire - and without that, I still think in my heart that it would collapse. Perhaps hopeful thinking to some who want to see the cliff in the distance instead of the sunset.

Sue only got home a short while ago and she's on the phone with her sister. It always surprises me that 2 sisters could have such opposite views on sex. Oh well, time to get some dinner going.
 
  • #517
STB
One thing how come paul did not ask her to go away with him. this weekend at the first when he was going to cal. you all told him about her going away with the others, and he said is it possable or could she . at that time now how he just let that tought go and is happy with. what they have now.
or do you think he will ask for to go on one of his trips very soon. well good luck and have fun and stay happy.
keep us posted.
 
  • #518
Maybe you don't know if Paul asked Sue to go with him or even if Sue offered and he declined. Either way, her lover has left her, it's been days since she was last satisfied and you never know, that little gremlin active inside her that makes her enjoy cuckolding you might just make her enjoy cuckolding him. With you. Seems unlikely but it sure would get your juices flowing wouldn't it? Even the thought, the possibility ...?
 
  • #519
Paul has said he doesn't want to break up their relationship. Maybe he really means it.
Paul said he wasn't really looking for a relationship. Maybe he really meant it, even to a degree that Steve and Sue didn't realize.
Maybe it really is just about the sex and a casual relationship with Sue.
Perhaps Paul is able to compartmentalism this relationship so that he remains emotionally detached from Sue.
Perhaps he respects Sue and Steve so much he has closed off the emotional connections to Sue and is going to keep things at an arm's distance.
I think it will take Sue to push the issue of going on dates, or taking trips away.
All through this process Paul's reaction has been "really? Are you sure? I can't believe this and I don't really understand what youre doing or why you're doing it."
I think Sue will have to take the lead with Paul as he may not be as Alpha as she or Steve wants.
 
  • #520
SoonToBe said:
... I worked my way back up and as I rubbed her shoulders I got an "ahem" as I guess my hands wandered or went towards her breasts. ...

Wow! She is setting some clear limits. It must be exciting and difficult all at the same time. Your situation reminds me of having the hots for the hottest woman in the office who was a good friend but was completely off limits because she was happily married, completely faithful to her husband, and frowned on cheaters. She was always talking about her sex life with her husband and in her wild days as a single. So near, yet so far. Looking back, that was good training for my cuckold desires. Enjoy.
 
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