Emotional Affairs

[Paulie73]

Has any here had trouble with thier spouse being emotionally attached to someone else. I know I've been encouraging my wife to have sex with other men but I want it to be just that, nothing but sex. I don't want her falling in love with anyone. The reason I ask is that she has someone in mind but lately, this past week realy it seems to be more emotional that sex driven.

Its not that I think there is some deception going on, Jess has always kept me in the loop. She told me things were picking up fast with this guy from work (Eugene) the flirting was getting more and more explicit and they were going out for coffee and lunch together and he was waiting for after work and riding the train with her.

Her company gave all thier employees today off, a 4 day holiday weekend and last night her and a group of people from her office went out for drinks. She told me where they were going and suggested I tag along. I told her I could'nt make due to a late meeting scheduled for yesterday afternoon. The meeting was cancelled at the last minute. I was going to call her but decided to just show up and surprise her. When I got there I found her office group and saw she was standing next to the bar having a drink with Eugene. I found myself a little corner table hidden from view and ordered a drink watching without them knowing. They seemed to be deeply involved in conversation, laughing, touching casually as they talked (shoulders, arm, knees).

I watched as he put his arm around her waist and walked her over to a booth away from everyone else. Normally 2 people at booth sit one at each side of the table. They both sat next to eachother on the same bench. They sat and continued talking ordering another round of drinks when Eugene put his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder. I dialed her cell phone as I watched them from the corner. She took out her phone looked at it and put it away again continuing her conversation. Eugene said something in her ear and she smiled at him. I was going to get up and walk over to them when I saw them kiss. I took a step back and went back to my little corner and watched them makeout until they suddenly they got up and walked out. I watched them through the window and was suprised to see them holding hands as they walked off talking and laughing. I am not the jealous type but I felt a little queazy at what was going on.

I dialed her cell phone again as I watched them from the window, once again she looked at it and put it away. I didn't bother leaving her a message. I was getting annoyed that she wasn't taking my calls and just as I was going to walk outside to meet her, they got into a taxi and went off.

I wanted to follow them but I had no way of knowing where they went. I hung around the bar a few more minutes to see if they would return then decided to just go home hoping she would already be home when I got there or that she would be close behind. It was another 3 hours, at 10pm when she finally called and told me she was comming home. I picked her up at the train station and played dumb asking her how the gathering went. She didn't mention anything about a kiss or going anywhere and I didn't bring it up.

Jess seem a little dazed and distant so I asked her if anything was wrong but she just said she was feeling a little dizzy from all the drinking and went to sleep. She woke up around 4am today horny as hell. I didn't fucking her, she fucked me. We talked for a while before falling asleep again and I asked if anything new had happened with Eugene. To my suprise she said no but things were moving along. I don't mind her fucking him, its her falling in love with him that I'm afraid of.

I want to tell her what I saw and ask where they went for so long but I just don't know how to bring it up without seeming like a psycho stalker or a jealous husband.

 

[rickyny73]

If I were you I'd tell her what I saw and confront her. She lied to you. You have to wonder what is going on there. If she knows you have no objection to her fucking around then why lie about it. You also have to wonder how long its been going on for, how has she been lying to you. For all you know, maybe she's already fucking him and has been for a while.

I would also tell her how you fell. That you love her and want her relationship to be just sexual and not emotional.

 

[SoonToBe]

I have to agree with Ricky - it's not good if she's not being open with you about it now when you've told her you're okay with it.

Have you voiced your concerns to her? Maybe she's reluctant to tell you that she's feeling emotionally attached to him.

My wife makes no secret that she feels like she was definitely in love with her former lover. I saw it between them and fortunately, there were other constraints in place (his family, etc.) that made it something that didn't go out of control. She recognizes that she let herself go a bit too far with him. I don't see her going to same degree with her current lover but she does say she loves him - in her own way.

It isn't the emotions with her lover you need to be concerned about, it's hers for you that you have to watch over. I agree with others here - if its' something that is more than just a 1-night stand, that emotions are bound to develop. They're okay - from what I can see - if she feels that way about him - the sex is usually incredible. You just need to be sure you and she are being honest and open with each other and I think it can stay under control.

 

[Paulie73]

I'm just confused. Truth be told I was home jerking off thinking about them having gone to a motel to fuck. But at the same time I was jealous at how they interacted, it seemed more than just sexual. And then she's not telling me anything other than things are moving alone, according to what I saw, it certainly looks that way. Now I also paranoid wondering if this something that moved to a new level tonight or if this has been going on for some time now. The two of them have been working together for years and stay late at the office together and he's even driven her home afterwards. What if all this time I've been fantasizing about her sleeping with him, she already has? You're both right. We do need to talk.

 

[ForHerDsires]

You have stumbled upon a very common disconnect between those who would be cuckolded and the wives they induce to accomodate them.
For some cuckolds, the arousal and eroticism comes from the visual (in person or in their mind) of their loving wives engaging in passionate, raw sex with a Man who pleasures and excites their woman in ways that cannot or havent in some time. It is the combination of the forbidden of a woman violating her committment to monogamy and the sacrifice and devotion it takes for a cuck to accept it.
But the cuck overlooks one essential difference that is typical of many, though not all women, and that is few women can separate emotions from sex in the same way men can and do. When a woman chooses to accept a man inside her body, it is essential for some of them to FEEL something for the man...to be drawn to him more than physically. Some of it may be biological and some may be socialization where a woman feels like a slut (not in a good way!) if she indiscriminately hooks up with a guy just for sex without some emotional attachment.
When a woman like that is encouraged to seek the company and attentions of a new Man....it is almost inevitable that it engenders an emotional response closer to a new romance than a quick fuck. And therein lies the rub.....so to speak!....for the cuck now worries that his woman can find him replaceable not only in the bedroom, but in her heart. And that is a pain even most masochistic cuckolds cannot endure.
I am not sure I know the precise solution to this very common complaint. Surely the old standby "communication" is part of the equation. Each partner in a cuckold lifestyle better be sure they are on the same page and secure in trusting that they seek similar things they can build a foundation around and not corrode. Neither party should be angry or unhappy that one or the other has a different attitude or set of needs around the issue. But, NEITHER should they engage in this beyond fantasy if they arent 1000% clear they can negotiate or agree on a commitment with which each are comfortable. Otherwise, it is too complicated and the couple have embarked on a path which will lead to resentments and pain (not the good kind) which leads to destructive and selfish instincts and spells doom for the partnership.
Many out here have their own definition of cuckolding.....overt vs. covert activity.....direct participation vs. total privacy for the wife......accepted vs. ******.....negotiated mutual agreement vs. complete submission and unquestioned freedom. To each his own I would say.
However, for my money, I could never be involved in anything where the couple isnt/wasnt committed to a PARTNERSHIP in some form or another. Yes, humiliation and emotional mind fucks can be intense and very satisfying...but if the wife thinks the hubby is a useless, worthless obstacle to her happiness....she should depart the comfort and security ofthe marriage for greener pastures. If she isnt invested in the couple as a partnership and deep down loves and values her cuckold husband for his sacrifice for her freedom and satisfaction...then it is just a marriage of convenience or inertia. I think it far more exciting and fulfilling when the couple adore or are devoted to each other in every way BUT sexual fidelity....for her at least!
It is just my two cents and sorry for the rambling nature of the post. But I urge the original poster to really reflect on his motives. For a wife who feels the way his seems to who has a husband who feels as he does, often feels used and coerced into the scene as HIS sexual fantasy which, in her mind, cheapens her. And that causes anger and resentment when his motive, in his mind, is about adoring her as MORE beautiful and valuable for her attractiveness to other men and not devalued. So, communication IS key but also understanding the dynamic and what feels safe to each and why must be demonstrated to the other. And the ground rules need be fair and reasonable and agreed upon ahead of time where each fully has faith each means what they say. I would suggest you be clear that the pain and threat of an emotional affair is not what you can handle for now. And perhaps the wife says that is the part that she craves. Therefore, it should be a no go.....unless an arrangement can be figured out to ensure the safety of the coupledom. So, not to judge, but based on what I read, this post indicates a situation very much on the precipice of danger which can knock over the whole shebang and a rewarding exploration of the joys and erotic pains of cuckolding. So, thats my story and Im sticking to it!

 

[CuckoldMick]

Paulie--- this is an issue that I have wrestled with ever since my wife cuckolded me five years ago. I have executed extensive research into the subject of emotional infidelity and related subjects such as the chemistry of “falling in love” and human bonding. I will try to post some of the conclusions of my study in the near future. But let me say this now--- if your wife has regular sexual relations with one lover she will develop an emotional bond with him and may “fall in love” with him. I call this phenomenon the Five Time Rule. Once my wife has sex with one guy five times or more, she begins to develop a “relationship” with him. I’ll get back to this forum over the weekend with more information.

CuckoldMick

 

[duke9555]

I'm just confused. Truth be told I was home jerking off thinking about them having gone to a motel to fuck. But at the same time I was jealous at how they interacted, it seemed more than just sexual. And then she's not telling me anything other than things are moving alone, according to what I saw, it certainly looks that way. Now I also paranoid wondering if this something that moved to a new level tonight or if this has been going on for some time now. The two of them have been working together for years and stay late at the office together and he's even driven her home afterwards. What if all this time I've been fantasizing about her sleeping with him, she already has? You're both right. We do need to talk.

=================

been there Paulie ...........love & sex go together i/r/l
not in the fictional cuck stories one often reads on the net
BUT it happens i/r/l sexual relations between 2 ppl oft times
results in an emotional attachment, a deep one .......might
be L O V E ?

it's an exquisite cuck pain perhaps the most profound cuck emotion

i loved it
good luck ...ride it out to the end

 

[cuckoldinpanties]

Flip side, maybe she caught YOUR violation of spying on her. If she did see you (could be why she wouldn't take your call, she was pissed) then she has every right to feel violated trust towards you.

You tell her to go and then you can't make it. You then show up, unanounced and spend the evening basicly stalking them. Seems shes not the only one playing mindfuck games.

 

[Tammy Pantedrop]

Paulie: Think she's been cheating on you for sometime.. Why didn't you go down on her when she returned from her date / outing??

 

[Paulie73]

I had a real heart to heart talk with my wife over the weekend. I made it a romantic evening, away from the kids at a nice restaurant on the river front. We talked about almost everything and I finally worked up the courage to bring up Eugene. I didn't tell her that I had spied on her but I told her I was there and that some told me that she had left with Eugene.

We proceeded to talk about us, our relationship, what we liked and disliked, and finally about our "arrangement". She told me everything that happened, she told me about the kiss, and also told me it wasn't thier first kiss. We talked and talked and she told me thier first kiss was a few months ago when he had dropped her off at home after working late. They had been working together for sometime and there had been some sexual tension building up. This night they had to finish a procurement contract and were sitting close together reviewing the final draft. She was tired, he started to rub her shoulders and somehow they ended up kissing. She doesn't know why she didn't stop him but she also wanted him to know she was happily married and that's why she invited him for coffee when he dropped her off. She never told me about it because she felt guilty about it.

I asked her if all those times she was teasing me telling me stories of them fucking in the office if they actually true but she said no. They've never actually had sex. There is really not much privacy at the office to do anything. They were planning to have sex during thier planned overnight business trip and Jess was planning to tell me everything afterwards that, but that was never approved.

I finally asked where they went and she told me they had gotten a room at a cheap hotel 34th st which turned out to be not so cheap. They got a room and started making out on the bed, she was topless and he was clothed except for his pants open.
They were going to have sex but the only thing that stopped her was the fact that they didn't have condom and she did not want an unplanned pregnancy. She told me she was masturbating him as they kissed and was going to give him a blowjob but she wasn't expecting him to cum so quickly.

I asked her why she didn't tell me anything and she said because up until then nothing outside of kissing and flirting had happened and she didn't mention the had job because she was upset that he cummed so fast. She wanted something more than just a handjob but he seemed just fine. The plan was to fuck him, text me with a teasing message and tell me everything but nothing happened.

I asked her about the kissing and she said she likes the kissing. Its very passionate. They've kissed a few times while out to lunch and in his car. The sexual tension is there, they both want to fuck eachother, its just the timing has never been right. She doesn't want to tell him about our arrangement because she doesn't want him to feel like he has power over her or even me. He thinks shes an average wife looking for some fun behind her husband's back. She doesn't want him demanding time with her if he knows that I'm ok with it. She also feels it is more exciting if he feels things have to be done on the fly and in secret.

She also told me that she doesn't love him and is not falling in love with him. She loves me and she kisses him and holds his hand because she loves the signs of affection, It makes her feel girlish. She said I had nothing to be jealous about and also said re-assured me saying she would call it off with him, all I had to do was say the word and it would all end and simply tell Eugene that she and her husband have "worked things out."

Last night we had the best sex after listening to her describe how they kissed, listening to her tell me how she gave him a handjob and how he cummed on her fingers. I never really thought about but the kissing part really turns me on too.

We spoke again this morning, we agreed that I didn't want her to stop everything with Eugene. She told me Eugene was never the professional office guy. He's a hard worker but above all he's ladies' man. He's also not the kind of guy to throw it in the husband's face or spread it around the office that he's banging a girl and she doesn't want him to become that way and thats why she decided not to tell him that I am ok with whats going on. I am very relieved at the way things turned out this weekend.

 

[duke9555]

she's lying to you

 

[NYJOE]

The is a issue that is into the heart of a cuckold/hot wife lifestyle but, is rarely talked about in ernest.

Fist off, it is a given that most woman (and even men) wiil form an emotional bond with someone they fuck regularly.

With this in mind, very early on (when I told her I was OK with her cheating and I would even encourage it), my wife said to me, "what if I get emotionally attatched?" to any particular stud who fucked her often.
We dicused this and we came to the conclusion that even though she would become very close to a regulare lover, I was her soul mate and she could not envision a time whe she would leave me for another.

The conversation then took another direction.
She asked what if she wanted to stay with another guy for a while. I told her it was OK if she wanted to stay with guy for a week of so for some serious fucking to get him out of her sys and she was extremely happy to hear this.
My wife loves falling in love and this gives her the chance to do it over and over.

She has kept a level head about all this and realizes that her lovers mainly want her for the fantastic fuck that she is and living with a lover for a week or so brings her down to reality. She can have regular, passionate sex with a stud, fall in love with him a certain extent and stiil have stable home life with me. Why would she want to leave me.....her soulmate?
She has the best of both world and she would be a fool to thow it all away.

This is not for everybody but it works for us and I'm in cuckold heaven when she is off with a lover for an extended stay.

 

[duke9555]

The is a issue that is into the heart of a cuckold/hot wife lifestyle but, is rarely talked about in ernest.

Fist off, it is a given that most woman (and even men) wiil form an emotional bond with someone they fuck regularly.

With this in mind, very early on (when I told her I was OK with her cheating and I would even encourage it), my wife said to me, "what if I get emotionally attatched?" to any particular stud who fucked her often.
We dicused this and we came to the conclusion that even though she would become very close to a regulare lover, I was her soul mate and she could not envision a time whe she would leave me for another.

The conversation then took another direction.
She asked what if she wanted to stay with another guy for a while. I told her it was OK if she wanted to stay with guy for a week of so for some serious fucking to get him out of her sys and she was extremely happy to hear this.
My wife loves falling in love and this gives her the chance to do it over and over.

She has kept a level head about all this and realizes that her lovers mainly want her for the fantastic fuck that she is and living with a lover for a week or so brings her down to reality. She can have regular, passionate sex with a stud, fall in love with him a certain extent and stiil have stable home life with me. Why would she want to leave me.....her soulmate?
She has the best of both world and she would be a fool to thow it all away.

This is not for everybody but it works for us and I'm in cuckold heaven when she is off with a lover for an extended stay.

==========

there is always a chance that she'll find a stud who
fucks that soulmate stuff right out of her ......and she'll
go off with him ..............sorry but that's the truth guys

it's a cuck's risk

 

[NYJOE]

==========

there is always a chance that she'll find a stud who
fucks that soulmate stuff right out of her ......and she'll
go off with him ..............sorry but that's the truth guys

it's a cuck's risk

Such is also the case with a traditional relationship.
There are no guarantees in life.

The relationship I have with my wife spans decades and is based on much more than sex.

 

[duke9555]

Such is also the case with a traditional relationship.
There are no guarantees in life.

=========

true ...........but wherein a relationship it's not only ok
to have affairs but encouraged and supported the risk
is high ........real high ........seldom heard in these internet
forums where fantasy abounds and dominates.

 

[Saraha]

When you encourage your wife to share her body with other men, it would be highly likely that she will develop emotionally love for any on-going sexual relationship, just as she developed love for you (her husband).

Some wives can fuck around, but not many can just enjoy the sex and nothing more. Extra-marital sex has a special thrill attached to it from breaking the wedding vows and being single again.

When the pandora's box has been opened up, a wife who has been persuaded/convinced to play the field, can't be expected to not enjoy her new freedoms. She now has two or more husbands, and each husband has his special needs.

If a husband does not want his wife to form attachments with her lovers, he should take her to a private party a couple of times a month, and watch while she "pulls a train" of horny guys who will give her exactly what she needs (all at once).......then take her home to sleep it off for a few days. Therefore, she falls in love with the train and not any individuals.

 

[NYJOE]

In my case I did not open up pandora's box.
My wife had had many sexual parteners before we met and she eventually told me that she coudl never settel for only one cock for the rest of her life.

We broke up and got together many times before we both realized that we were the only ones for exch other.
However she still need plenty of different cocks and often cheated even after we were married which did cause problems of course.

Eventually, it stated to really turn me on and I, as well as my wife, put all our cards on the table and the rest is history.

 

[Paulie73]

thanks for all your input, some people are ok with emotional relationships but it makes me a little queasy. Like I said, I don't mind sharing her pussy, but I rather not share her heart. I adore my wife and do not want her falling in love with someone else. After talking with my wife this past weekend, we both seem to be in agreement with that. She's also been keeping me more in the loop as to what's going on with her and Eugene. She's been texting me when they go out to lunch or leave the office together for coffee, etc, and has also been forwarding me thier text messages.

The thing that sucks about this is that part of my fantasy is to watch, but since she doesn't want him to know about our arrangement, I'm not sure how we are going to work that out.

 

[Shidave]

Paulie73, as you can read from the posts here, a true cuck has his "high" by having his guts turned inside out, watching or knowing that his wife makes love or loves another man and loves to please the other man. You I feel are not a true cuck yet. You still demand deep down or openly that your wife is your woman and you may share her pussy but not her heart. I never graduated cuck school because I still feel that way and jealousy interferes with the thrill and pleasure.

It turns me on reading about others and I have tried, but cannot cope.LOL.

 

[Mickle]

Paulie73, Shidave has accurately summarized what a cuck goes through, I have never been allowed to watch, that is something personal with the guy she is with at the time!
Danny has been with my wife now for 10years, she is deeply in love with him, every year they go to the Seychelles on holiday when Danny visits his mother.She has given herself to him in a way that I have never been able to experience. I see her completely exhausted and sexually drained when she returns home with a warm glow that I have never been able to give her. Every time I see this its like a hot blade turning in my stomach. I can admire my wife from a distance,but i feel greatly humiliated and impotent when I see the hickeys on her breast knowing she has had another evening of outstanding satisfying sex with another man.

If my wife goes to a party or clubbing with friends and she meets someone she will go with them, sometimes I find out mostly I don't. Cuckolding is about the wife having complete control about what she does.