Female Led Marriage and Marissa Rudder

[rudder]

My wife and I married young, a while back. I fell in love with her, we were both very young, she was 19 I was 20. We have great sex, great conversation and she suggested I read "Love and Obey" (Which I think is alright, just very repetitive) and "Turning point". This was like maybe 4 years ago? Since then I liked the whole FLR thing in our relationship. She is my queen and we are happy.

My wife is very athletic, she played soccer in high school and college. When she graduated we moved to a big city in Arizona where we are today, I have a very good job and I love it. I also make my queens life at home great. We have someone to help us every Thursday clean the house, the help mostly does all our laundry, and I keep the house clean most of the time. I have followed Marissa Rudders books, (I have not read the other books....) at any rate I have been conditioned after 4 years of FLR/FLM to feel a sense of reverence for my wife. I do look forward to pleasing her, and although difficult at first to find a way to make this new approach work, I mean the affirmations and me bowing down and kissing her feet had us both laughing hysterically at first. Over time they did become less weird and more ritual. She has been very good at the authors approach of being "A good Queen". She has me longing for her body all the time. I have learned to do her nails really well and lately she even had a gorgeous friend of hers come over and I did her nails, and the strangest thing, I was in reverence of her friend and so aroused. So I liked serving my woman and women in general. So beautiful and gorgeous... I felt that pleasuring and pleasing women was my calling!

A little over three years ago my wife had a boob job. They look fantastic and it helped her with her confidence, I can tell you it was really cool seeing her change her wardrobe. I did feel our relationship changed a little after that. She was a little more impatient about things, we fought at times, because of her impatience but I never broke the promise I made her to treat her like my goddess, my queen. She is my queen and like I said she is really good at satisfying my need for her attention, although she makes me wait alot... lol. I think that is what that stupid chastity cage is for or represents... We don't use one, she just asks me all the time not to masturbate. She can tell if I do because I cum less. When I come it's buckets and that is what she loves, so when I do not and when I can't hold it and come before she wants me too she gets so upset with me.... lol

So now I find myself in a bit of a catch 22. I have done everything "right" it seems. ... except nothing was to prepare me for her cheating on me. I am devastated. I never agreed to that... when we spoke about it, she kind of brushed it off. And maybe it wouldnt be so bad but she was all into that guy for a while. She was discrete, thank god, and the FLR in our relationship ensured I knew right away of the affair (I wash her delicates, I take her shoes off when she comes home, etc) and to tell you the truth she could tell I was a little upset, and she would do things on purpose... tell me to do things BECAUSE I was upset, and because I had done them with pleasure for FOUR freakin years I would do them and if I gave her an impression that I was still angry she would tell me to do something else....

She goes to the gym religiously. So she hangs out with these meatheads. I meet them occasionally, and they don't know I know about them and my wife.

I at this moment don't know about my relationship with my wife. I am 27... and I am still madly in love with her and she is great when she and I are together.... and i did this to myself possibly?

 

[Custer Laststand]

Thanks for your interesting description of your and your wife's FLR.

My wife and I married young, a while back. I fell in love with her, we were both very young, she was 19, I was 20.

That isn't always the best, but it often happens.

We have great sex, great conversation and she suggested I read "Love and Obey" (Which I think is alright, just very repetitive) and "Turning point". This was like maybe 4 years ago.

I haven't read those. "Love and Obey" has no reviews, "Turning Point" has over 4,000 reviews, mostly favorable (on Amazon).

Since then I liked the whole FLR thing in our relationship. She is my queen and we are happy.

Good. That's appropriate. Congratulations for your happy marriage.

My wife is very athletic, she played soccer in high school and college.

Very impressive. My congratulations to your wife for her high-level athletic abilities and accomplishments. She sounds like a natural to be playing the lead role in your marriage.

When she graduated we moved to a big city in Arizona where we are today, I have a very good job and I love it.

And, congratulations to you as well. Having a good job you actually like, let alone love, is a major accomplishment.

I also make my queens life at home great. We have someone to help us every Thursday clean the house, the help mostly does all our laundry, and I keep the house clean most of the time. I have followed Marissa Rudders books, (I have not read the other books....) at any rate I have been conditioned after 4 years of FLR/FLM to feel a sense of reverence for my wife. I do look forward to pleasing her....

That's commendable.

....and although difficult at first to find a way to make this new approach work, I mean the affirmations and me bowing down and kissing her feet had us both laughing hysterically at first.

It's actually totally appropriate for you to bow down and kiss your wife's feet, even if becoming accustomed to that involved both of you laughing hysterically about it (at first).

Over time [this practice] did become less weird and more ritual. [My wife] has been very good at the author's approach of being "A good Queen". She has me longing for her body all the time. I have learned to do her nails really well and lately she even had a gorgeous friend of hers come over and I did her nails, and the strangest thing, I was in reverence of her friend and so aroused. So I liked serving my woman and women in general. So beautiful and gorgeous... I felt that pleasuring and pleasing women was my calling!

All good. You and your beautiful wife seem to be on the right track.

A little over three years ago my wife had a boob job. They look fantastic and it helped her with her confidence, I can tell you it was really cool seeing her change her wardrobe. I did feel our relationship changed a little after that. She was a little more impatient about things, we fought at times, because of her impatience.

Maybe that was because your wife was getting more attention from other men, and thus felt you should increase your attention to her wants and needs.

But, I never broke the promise I made her to treat her like my goddess, my queen. She is my queen and like I said she is really good at satisfying my need for her attention, although she makes me wait alot... lol. I think that is what that stupid chastity cage is for or represents... We don't use one, she just asks me all the time not to masturbate. She can tell if I do because I cum less. When I come it's buckets and that is what she loves, so when I do not and when I can't hold it and come before she wants me too she gets so upset with me.... lol.

Actually, the most effective (perhaps the only) way to prevent you from masturbating would probably be to lock you cock in a chastity cage and become your sole key holder, then unlock you only when your wife wants sex from you. In connection with this, it may be of interest to your wife to read "Real Women Don't Do Housework," here:

Real Women Don't Do Housework

(or she can google it), which is a psychologically-based approach to FLR's in which the woman conditions her man to have sex with her only when she wants it, in the way(s) she wants it, and to cum only after asking her permission and only if she grants her permission. The RDDW site does not specifically recommend a woman keep her husband in a chastity device, but that would clearly facilitate the author's approach.

So now I find myself in a bit of a catch 22. I have done everything "right" it seems. ... except nothing was to prepare me for her cheating on me. I am devastated. I never agreed to that.

That can happen, and does happen, in marriages of all kinds — including FLR's, and regardless of whether the husband agrees to it.

When we spoke about it, she kind of brushed it off.

Since your wife was, and is, the head of your household (HoH), she probably considers dating, seducing and fucking other men to be among her rights and privileges. It sounds like she expects, not unreasonably, that you will accept that.

And maybe it wouldnt be so bad but she was all into that guy for a while. She was discrete, thank god, and the FLR in our relationship ensured I knew right away of the affair (I wash her delicates, I take her shoes off when she comes home, etc). And, to tell you the truth, she could tell I was a little upset, and she would do things on purpose... tell me to do things BECAUSE I was upset, and because I had done them with pleasure for FOUR freakin years I would do them and if I gave her an impression that I was still angry she would tell me to do something else.

Your wife was reminding you that she is the HoH. You should count yourself fortunate that she told you she was cuckolding you with another man, because women.... generally speaking.... are more skilled than men at concealing their extramarital sexual relationships when they want to do so.

She goes to the gym religiously.

That's commendable, and consistent with your wife's strong athletic abilities.

So she hangs out with these meatheads.

I'll take "meatheads" to mean young men who are in good shape, younger than your wife (like as not), and horny most or all of the time.

I meet them occasionally, and they don't know I know about them and my wife.

That's OK. If your wife doesn't want the young men she's fucking (or wants to fuck, and probably will) at her gym to know that you know about her and them, it's probably best to keep it that way.

I at this moment don't know about my relationship with my wife. I am 27... and I am still madly in love with her and she is great when she and I are together.... and i did this to myself, possibly?

This isn't something you "did to yourself." Women, like men, want some sexual variety after being married for years. It's totally natural, and doesn't mean you wife doesn't love you. Rather, it sounds like the underlying basis of your marriage is strong. It might help you and your beautiful wife improve your relationship if you were to formally agree on a hotwife / cuckold husband form of marriage, in which — by mutual agreement — your wife would be free to date, seduce and fuck whomever she wishes, while you agree to remain faithful to her (and actually are). Toward this end, it might be helpful if you and your wife were to read:

The cuckold husband / hotwife phenomena
The Cuckold Husband / Hotwife Phenomena

which is found in "A Married Woman's Guide." (You can google it, if you can't seem to link to it from this forum.)

Thanks again for your interesting description of your FLR. Your joining this forum, which is mostly for cuckold husbands, suggests you are beginning to accept your natural role in your FLR marriage as your wife's cuckold. If so, that's good.

 

[rudder]

She did not tell me she was "cuckolding" me. I found out.

I call the gym rats she hangs out with meatheads. The guy she was seeing was one of them,..... and the oldest.


He is no where even close to good looking...

I am my wifes husband not her cuckold.

She is exploring I know, but don't you think this is a bit much?

 

[Jaandaj]

She did not tell me she was "cuckolding" me. I found out.

I call the gym rats she hangs out with meatheads. The guy she was seeing was one of them,..... and the oldest.


He is no where even close to good looking...

I am my wifes husband not her cuckold.

She is exploring I know, but don't you think this is a bit much?

U can love and worship her. But if she doesn't have respect for you, to be concerned of your feeling then u only have a couple options.

You can just except what it is and go with it.
Or get the fuck out!

I would start by talking to her and letting her know how u feel. Communication is important in every relationship. To make it work u both need to talk shit through.

 

[rudder]

So this guy was the boyfriend of one of her closest friends, and she would always seem so unapproving of that relationship because he was so much older than her. We hung around with them as a couple. He was having problems with her, and my wife supposedly was trying to help him. Somewhere in that time they started having sex.

 

[shycplinokc]

My wife and I married young, a while back. I fell in love with her, we were both very young, she was 19 I was 20. We have great sex, great conversation and she suggested I read "Love and Obey" (Which I think is alright, just very repetitive) and "Turning point". This was like maybe 4 years ago? Since then I liked the whole FLR thing in our relationship. She is my queen and we are happy.

My wife is very athletic, she played soccer in high school and college. When she graduated we moved to a big city in Arizona where we are today, I have a very good job and I love it. I also make my queens life at home great. We have someone to help us every Thursday clean the house, the help mostly does all our laundry, and I keep the house clean most of the time. I have followed Marissa Rudders books, (I have not read the other books....) at any rate I have been conditioned after 4 years of FLR/FLM to feel a sense of reverence for my wife. I do look forward to pleasing her, and although difficult at first to find a way to make this new approach work, I mean the affirmations and me bowing down and kissing her feet had us both laughing hysterically at first. Over time they did become less weird and more ritual. She has been very good at the authors approach of being "A good Queen". She has me longing for her body all the time. I have learned to do her nails really well and lately she even had a gorgeous friend of hers come over and I did her nails, and the strangest thing, I was in reverence of her friend and so aroused. So I liked serving my woman and women in general. So beautiful and gorgeous... I felt that pleasuring and pleasing women was my calling!

A little over three years ago my wife had a boob job. They look fantastic and it helped her with her confidence, I can tell you it was really cool seeing her change her wardrobe. I did feel our relationship changed a little after that. She was a little more impatient about things, we fought at times, because of her impatience but I never broke the promise I made her to treat her like my goddess, my queen. She is my queen and like I said she is really good at satisfying my need for her attention, although she makes me wait alot... lol. I think that is what that stupid chastity cage is for or represents... We don't use one, she just asks me all the time not to masturbate. She can tell if I do because I cum less. When I come it's buckets and that is what she loves, so when I do not and when I can't hold it and come before she wants me too she gets so upset with me.... lol

So now I find myself in a bit of a catch 22. I have done everything "right" it seems. ... except nothing was to prepare me for her cheating on me. I am devastated. I never agreed to that... when we spoke about it, she kind of brushed it off. And maybe it wouldnt be so bad but she was all into that guy for a while. She was discrete, thank god, and the FLR in our relationship ensured I knew right away of the affair (I wash her delicates, I take her shoes off when she comes home, etc) and to tell you the truth she could tell I was a little upset, and she would do things on purpose... tell me to do things BECAUSE I was upset, and because I had done them with pleasure for FOUR freakin years I would do them and if I gave her an impression that I was still angry she would tell me to do something else....

She goes to the gym religiously. So she hangs out with these meatheads. I meet them occasionally, and they don't know I know about them and my wife.

I at this moment don't know about my relationship with my wife. I am 27... and I am still madly in love with her and she is great when she and I are together.... and i did this to myself possibly?

If this is something you DID NOT sign up for leave now b4 it gets worse. Your young enough to make a clean start if you really want to.

 

[Custer Laststand]

She did not tell me she was "cuckolding" me. I found out.

Thanks for the clarification.

I call the gym rats she hangs out with meatheads. The guy she was seeing was one of them,..... and the oldest.

What's the current status? Is your wife still seeing him? Or, has she moved on to a different lover?

He is no where even close to good looking.

I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe he's good in bed. Or, maybe your wife just wants some variety.

I am my wife's husband not her cuckold.

Definition: cuckold — a man with an unfaithful wife (meaning, of course, a wife who fucks one or more other men).

She is exploring I know, but don't you think this is a bit much?

No. As I mentioned (above) many if not most women.... like many if not most men.... reach a point where they want some sexual variety after years of sleeping with the same man (you, in this case). The percentage of women who have at least one affair outside their marriage has increased over the decades to where now it's about the same as the percentage of married men who do so — i.e., about 50%.

In the case of married women, the percentage who have one or more affairs may be higher, because women are apparently less likely than men to admit to extramarital affairs in surveys on this subject.

You should be proud to be married to a woman who's so attractive that other men want to fuck her —even if the man in question, in this case, is not particularly "attractive."

 

[Custer Laststand]

I call the gym rats she hangs out with meatheads. The guy she was seeing was one of them,..... and the oldest. He is nowhere even close to good looking.

Maybe the older "gym rat" your wife was (or is) seeing has been giving her something she wants and needs but doesn't get from you. For instance, maybe he talks dirty to her and compliments her in crass ways on her (recently enhanced) big tits. Or, maybe he tells her in crude ways that she's so hot he can't keep from becoming erect whenever he thinks about her and can hardly wait to fuck her again. (Etc.)

One thing you haven't mentioned is: how often do you and your wife have sex? And, how do you have sex? Do you do it in conventional ways that your wife perhaps no longer feels turned on by, and may have become bored with...?

 

[rudder]

Maybe the older "gym rat" your wife was (or is) seeing has been giving her something she wants and needs but doesn't get from you. For instance, maybe he talks dirty to her and compliments her in crass ways on her (recently enhanced) big tits. Or, maybe he tells her in crude ways that she's so hot he can't keep from becoming erect whenever he thinks about her and can hardly wait to fuck her again. (Etc.)

One thing you haven't mentioned is: how often do you and your wife have sex? And, how do you have sex? Do you do it in conventional ways that your wife perhaps no longer feels turned on by, and may have become bored with...?

We have lots of sex. She is very sexual. Honestly I think it's life imitating porn.

She is flirty. She has always been flirty. She wears cleavage revealing sport tops.... etc.. He's got an obsession over her feet. Let's call him the "Tarantino". Hey NIce shoes, nice pedicure, nice feet.... always.

Is that it? All the compliments he gave her? In front of his girlfriend... he's just always talks about sex. She and I would talk about how annoying it is...

 

[rudder]

Thanks for the clarification.

Your welcome.

What's the current status? Is your wife still seeing him? Or, has she moved on to a different lover?

She still sees him. I don't think his girlfriend knows. She's not that obsessed with him anymore... He and his GF went to a concert with us two weeks ago. Needless to say it was awkward.

I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe he's good in bed. Or, maybe your wife just wants some variety.



Definition: cuckold — a man with an unfaithful wife (meaning, of course, a wife who fucks one or more other men).

I thought it was getting pregnant with another mans baby and you raising it. That's not me.

No. As I mentioned (above) many if not most women.... like many if not most men.... reach a point where they want some sexual variety after years of sleeping with the same man (you, in this case). The percentage of women who have at least one affair outside their marriage has increased over the decades to where now it's about the same as the percentage of married men who do so — i.e., about 50%.

In the case of married women, the percentage who have one or more affairs may be higher, because women are apparently less likely than men to admit to extramarital affairs in surveys on this subject.

You should be proud to be married to a woman who's so attractive that other men want to fuck her —even if the man in question, in this case, is not particularly "attractive."

 

[Custer Laststand]

We have lots of sex. She is very sexual. Honestly I think it's life imitating porn.

Good. If your wife is strongly sexual, that means she's healthy (consistent with your description of her).

She is flirty. She has always been flirty. She wears cleavage-revealing sport tops.... etc.

That's further evidence that your wife is strongly sexual. At the risk of belaboring the obvious: human sexuality, like other human characteristics — athletic ability, musical and other artistic talents, mathematical ability, etc. — exists on a spectrum, ranging from very high to very low or even zero, and can vary widely among individuals. (Apparently something like 1% of people are actually asexual, but that's a very weak statistic.) Most people have what can be thought of as "average" sexuality plus-or-minus 1 st'd deviation. Your wife's flirting behavior and style of dressing, and having her tits enhanced — which expressed a desire for men to pay more attention to her — suggests her sexuality is significantly above average, perhaps even somewhere near the upper end of the spectrum.

If (as you say) you and your wife have sex very frequently, that may suggest your own sexuality is above average on the men's spectrum. But, if your wife's sexuality is even farther above average, there may be an imbalance such that her needs are beyond what she's getting from you at home.

This concept is illustrated by what may be the best sentence in:

Ley, David J , 2009, Insatiable Wives: Women who stray and the men who love them (Rowman & Littlefield, Inc., 291 pp.),

which is: "Comparing the orgasmic potential of an average woman to that of a typical man is like comparing the drag-racing potential of a Ferrari to that of a beat-up used Chevy." (Or, fill in the beat-up used car of your choice).

Speaking of which, if you want to increase your insight into your wife and her sexuality, you might consider reading Ley's book. While doing so, leave it out somewhere where she'll see it, so she'll know you're making an effort along those lines.

He's got an obsession over her feet. Let's call him the "Tarantino". Hey NIce shoes, nice pedicure, nice feet.... always:.

Hm.... according to Wikipedia: "Quentin Tarantino [now 59] is an American filmmaker, actor, film critic and author. His films are characterized by frequent references to popular culture and film history, nonlinear storylines, dark humor, stylized violence, extended dialogue, pervasive use of profanity, cameos and ensemble casts. ...etc." If that's who you're comparing your wife's lover (or fuck buddy) to, that's quite a comparison.

Is that it? All the compliments he gave her? In front of his girlfriend... he just always talks about sex. She and I would talk about how annoying it is...

It's slightly unclear whether by "she and I" you mean "my wife and I" or "his girlfriend and I." Anyway — this may be consistent with my suggestion (in an earlier post) that your wife may be turned on, in some subliminal sense, by him talking dirty to her, always expressing, for instance, uncouth admiration of her big tits, telling her she's so hot he can hardly keep his cock in his pants when she's near him, etc.

 

[rudder]

Quentin Tarantino has a foot fetish. Lol. My wife and I would talk and criticize him about his choice of conversation....which was part of the shock to me of why she would choose him? She hangs out with all these good looking young men and she chooses the oddball of them all....... go figure

I had a good day with my wife yesterday. I did not bring up the fact she is seeing another man. I feel I need to..

We went out for dinner. It was a perfect time to bring it up, instead I asked her if she was happy. And she said yes.

She said she's never been better, that she loves me and that she wants to go to Europe. That is all she said.

I have heard him flirt with her. He just tells her she looks good, that she looks hot or just stares at her feet. lol

 

[rudder]

If this is something you DID NOT sign up for leave now b4 it gets worse. Your young enough to make a clean start if you really want to.

I have been with her for 8 years now. I need to ask her about her affair, but the way we have been living makes it difficult... I mean we hardly fight, it's like the FLR part of our marriage is kind of set up so she can easily cheat, because "she is in charge."

No I did not set her up to cheat. I did not want that I need to ask her about it.

 

[rudder]

She's with him right now. Since yesterday. I can't believe how much this bothers me. I'm at work but still.

 

[Custer Laststand]

[My wife] hangs out with all these good-looking young men [at her gym]....

More than one of the male members of this forum has said that when they were young and worked as gym trainers, they fucked many married women.

....and she chooses the oddball of them all....... go figure.

Maybe he has something the other gym guys (and you) don't have. For instance, maybe he has a huge cock and knows how to use it. Or, maybe he has huge balls, ejaculates buckets, and your wife is turned on by that.

I had a good day with my wife yesterday. I did not bring up the fact that she is seeing another man. I [didn't] feel I needed to.

Good. And, that may have been just as well.

We went out for dinner. It was a perfect time to bring it up, instead I asked her if she was happy. And she said yes. She said she's never been better, that she loves me and that she wants to go to Europe. That is all she said.

Also good. As I think I mentioned earlier, the mere fact that your wife is having an affair with another man does not mean she doesn't love you. Re. her wanting to go to Europe: maybe she is in an early stage of pregnancy, assumes it's by her lover, wants to get an abortion, and — now that Roe v. Wade has been struck down by The Supremes — assumes she'll be able to get one in Europe. That is, if you live in a "red state" here in the U.S.

In any case, since many birth control methods are not 100% reliable, and given that your wife is fucking another man, if she and you don't want her to become pregnant anytime soon, I suggest the two of you talk about that. "The pill," for instance, is about 93 percent reliable. Its 7 percent probability of failure is significant. (There are other birth control methods available that are much more reliable and don't require the woman to remember to take a pill every day.)

I have heard him flirt with her. He just tells her she looks good, that she looks hot or just stares at her feet. lol

However he does it, apparently it appeals to your wife.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Rudder,

See:

"I'm a new cuckold. Do cuckold couples stay together or will she lose respect for me and leave?"

I'm a new cuckold. Do cuckold couples stay together or will she lose respect for me and leave?

posted 27 June 2022 in the "Questions and Answers" section of this forum, for some commentary relevant to your situation.

—Custer

 

[rudder]

I need to ask her bout it. I need to bring up why I know and I am not sure what is going to happen.

 

[Custer Laststand]

I need to ask her bout it. I need to bring up why I know and I am not sure what is going to happen.

It isn't obvious that bringing up "why you know" (about what.... your wife's affair? the possibility she might be pregnant...?) is necessary. But, that's up to you, of course.

Incidentally — or rather, not incidentally — I reviewed your initial post and your subsequent posts in this thread, and I notice you don't say anything about your wife's occupation. Does she work, or are you the sole source of financial support for the two of you? If the latter — and, given your description of her as very athletic — is going to her gym and working out pretty much her sole source of activity outside your home (which you and your housecleaner take care of, I gather)?

 

[Custer Laststand]

I need to ask her bout it. I need to bring up why I know and I am not sure what is going to happen.

How are you doing, rudder? We haven't heard anything from you for a while.

 

[rudder]

I have been really busy. We had a talk, and subsequently I was invited to July 4th party at "his" house. I did ask her about him, but I did not ask her directly if they were having sex... I know they are. Don't you think she should tell me? No she's not pregnant.

My wife has a degree in kinesiology. She works for a sports team. Her job is seasonal.

My wife cleans the house as well, I am a workaholic, and I love pampering her.