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How Do You Make It Last

  • Thread starterkevinsslave
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kevinsslave

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May 6, 2008
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As I have written, at length, in my Best Cuckold Experience thread, I have reached, I believe, the point of no return in my marriage. After several years of not only watching my wife fuck other men, but, willingly and gladly encouraging her and taking part in those relationships, I have hit a wall.

It seems to me that when you love a woman, it is inherent that you want to sexually be intimate with that woman and have an emotional intimacy, as well. We have all been taught that when a man loves a woman, they get married and stay faithful to one another. I'm not saying that's correct or true, but, we are taught that. As we grow in life and have relationships, it's the intimacy that I've always cherished the most. The closeness before, during and after sex. The hugs, the kisses, the intimate touching that happens every day. The bonds that grow between a man and a woman.

It turned me on to no end to think of my women being with another man. Why? I'll never fully know but I know it was a deep fantasy of mine. My wife and I made it a long term (well, a few years) reality. I loved to watch her fuck. I loved to watch her suck cock. I loved to watch another man sexually pleasure her. Yet, to endure it, to get past those feelings of what intimacy between a man and wife mean, I had to have some emotional detachment from her during these encounters. It's hard, in reality, to watch the woman you love passionately kiss another man, to hold his hand, to rub and touch his body. It's hard to watch them have passionate, wonderful sex and then feel such deep, intimate feelings for her. So, I basically put up an emotional wall, I become emotionally detached while she was with her lovers. As the years passed, those walls got larger, the detachment greater. I still love her and will always love her, but, it seems (in my head) I'm no longer her "one and only", no longer her husband, but her friend. As friends we love each other. We are friends that still love to make love to each other, but, there's always someone in between.

I mean, it's difficult to have sex with her, bring her to orgasm and hear her tell me she loves me and, then, the next day, see her have equally great and passionate sex with someone else. So, I simply put some emotional distance between us as the years passed. The pleasure was great but there has always been pain, too.

Finally, the emotional gulf between us seems to large. I'm leaving her. I feel terrible because, as I have said, I wanted her to do these things. I enjoyed them. I loved the highly erotic nature of our life. When I went in to our marriage (even when we started dating) she made it clear that she was going to be with other men. So, it's not like I didn't know these things or want them to happen.

What I didn't know was that it would eventually leave me feeling so detached and, in some ways, empty.

Honestly, I'd love to know how you long time cucks get by these things. Does anyone have these feelings other than me?
 
I Hear you

I think you have a great relationship with your wife. It's not as though this was sprung on you because you weren't satisfying her. She told you from the outset and you accepted this, even encouraged her.
To my mind, it is you that have the problem. You have this visio of a perfect marriage, where 2 people attest their vows and stay devoted to each other through out thier lives. This is the way you were brought up.
Unfortunately life is not perfect and you knew from the beginning that she was going to have other men in her life.
When you make love to her she tells you how much she loves you. That tells you more than you know. She loves you.
She may love the sex with other men, but she loves you.
She has sex with other men, but she loves you.
You have over the years built up a barrier. She has been totally honest and open with you. You make no mention of humiliation, or her going behind your back. She told you she wouldn't be exclusive to you and you agreed, if somewhat begrudingly, but you still agreed.
I think you need to break down this barrier, remember this is something that she needs, enjoy seeing her satisfied and her loving you for allowing her to be satisfied.
Try not to think of someone steeling your property, but more of having an open house where people come to enjoy themselves.
It seems to me that you still have a good relationship with her, she is not complaining. The lovers that she takes are filling a void. I doubt if any one man could ever keep her satisfied. I don't believe it is just the sex she wants, she craves the attention, the needs to know she is sexually attractive to other men.
Remember, she loves you. Try to think of her lovers as men who are helping you to keep her happy.
You make no mention of any other problems in your relationship with her.
I think it is worth you trying to get your head around this situation, stop thinking in the negative. They are helping you to keep her happy. Something you, or any other one man could not do.
If you can change your mindset, then maybe you can start to enjoy the situation as much as she does. Enjoy her being satisfied, enjoy her being happy and maybe you can be happy too.
Well thats my twopennworth. I may be right, or wrong. Only you can tell, but be happy.
:)
 
wellllll....

To be honest with you, I feel for your situation. I'd love to have my wife be with other people, but this is the very thing I worry about. Oh my wife is somewhat willing (nervous perhaps as she should be), but willing in many other respects to indulge my fantasy of cuckolding because she too would be getting something out of the experience. I'm not "small". I'm actually large statistically, and I can bring her to multiple orgasms, but my desire to push the envelope, try new things, explore new concepts and ideas had me bring this up to her. We began fantasizing, and talking about it during sex and I truly do believe that while she's willing to take it or leave it, she'd totally be willing to take it. It's ME, the guy that brought it up, the guy that fantasized about it that's put the caution and brakes on things. Go figure that huh? Maybe doesn't make sense to a lot of people who are trying really hard for even a sniff of the opportunity that I'm currently passing on for the most part, however I digress. What I HAVE gathered from a LOT of reading is this... That for some people this works out wonderfully and can be a life long union that just works for various reasons. However that said, for a great many, this also can ruin a relationship. Is there much to distinguish which side you'll be on? Not really. Unless you're getting in for the wrong reasons and don't have a strong relationship that is. That portion of people is always bound to get it wrong. You see I too worry about this which is why I personally may only be willing to dance on the fringe...play some games, have a little fun, but totally sped some time away from this rather than make it an every day, or all the time thing. I personally may need to take 6 months away and never discuss it, maybe a year, then come back, dance a bit then leave it. I just worry about exactly what you said in that post....that I'll eventually have a disconnect or she will...and I can NEVER...under ANY circumstance risk that. I love this woman WAY too much to throw it away on a burning hot fantasy. I wish you well, and from the things you've written, I know you will have thought this through. Consider it a life lesson, as well as some hot times in your history. But despite all the fantasy and very unrealistic things you read here on sites like this, let it also be a caution that sometimes, that which you want coming true, is also your demise. For everyone else... Enjoy the site, get off to it, but remember, real people have real feelings and they don't always turn out as well when fantasy becomes reality. Most of the post here seem to be "ideal" versus "real". Again, not saying some aren't real and quite enjoying things. I just mean it's not ALWAYS wise to push fantasy into reality. There are consequences both good and bad sometimes. Now go live life, appreciate this has been a difficult decision, but look back and at least enjoy the fact that what you got to experience is more than many will ever be close to. Sorry it has had its costs. Peace.
 
I may be too much of a "newbie" to all of this - but I have to say that I would begin to be concerned if I felt that the intense emotional relationship Sue and I have began to change.

I know we are playing with fire with all of this - all of us know this.

For me, when she comes home to me and we are in bed together and the passion and love we feel for each other - it gives me the confidence that we are okay with what she is doing.

To me that's the most important part.

I KNOW that in the heat of their passion the both say "I love you" to each other. And I can clearly imagine beyond what Sue has told me of how they felt together spending the whole night. But I also know that afterwards - the level of communication, openness, desire and love that we feel for each other makes this all just something that, as The Grinch said, is more of a hobby than a full-time occupation.

I do not know how old you are Kevinsslave or how long you were married and together before you embarked on the whole hotwife/cuckold scene. Sue and I have been married over 20 years and together over 25 years - I really believe that this level of history and togetherness and family and all provides much more of a firm foundation for us such that - at least as far as I can see and from what Sue tells me, it is just physical sex. After it's all over and done with and she's home with me, it's done till the next time. So maybe that's the sort of "rule" we follow.

I do realize from reading everything that everyone posts here that we are very lucky for Sue to have found someone like Brad as her first true lover. He truly just seems to enjoy a good "piece of ass" and we are lucky in that he does seem to have no desire for more than just a good fucking. But then again, if that's what Sue and I both also want - the maybe that's what's happened, that we are merely living our our desires. I do have to wonder how a woman would want to throw away 25+ years of a relationship if she doesn't want more than just the sex with the other guy.

If you read my other posts - yes, Sue is taking a very aggressive stance with me this week - but I also KNOW that she is doing this to intensify our experience together - and it is working.

Could she, would she, fall for him or someone else? Sure I guess it can happen - but I believe, after being in this for over a year now, that as long as you keep the chemistry alive between you two as Sue and I do, that it is an unlikely outcome. But then again, Sue didn't come into this relationship as other have said with the idea from day 1 that they would want other guys. To me, that sounds like the root of the problems in those situations - that the wife already has desires outside of the bedroom so those experiences aren't something that she shares and wants to share with her husband.

Sorry if I'm rambling on.
 
In every venture there are casualties and very sadly you seem to be one of them. I am very sorry to hear your problems but you are probably making the only decision that you can.

Mine has lasted because we have great affection for each other and are best friends and soul mates, as well as husband and wife.

I have never had anything remotely in common with the wimp-deprivation type of cuck, and have a deep need for a close and intimate relationship with my wife. I could not survive without that. I just get a turn on by her being a bit sluttish, but require her love when it comes to basics.
 
Kevin, I think you need to be honest with yourself here. It is not the cuckolding that destroyed your marriage, it was the need for complete and utter humilation. I have been reading your posts and most of the others. They all pale when compared to the degradation involved in your relationships. You are not a true cuckold (by experience -yes, by nature - no), you are a serious submissive with some serious emotional baggage!

I hope you do not consider me too harsh, I am merely a moth that has not flown as near to the same flame. My heart goes out to you for your current predicament.
 
I agree with with Mac said about the thrill being gone. As in any addiction, the highs are harder to come by and the lows get lower until you are using (alcohol, drugs, porn, sex, etc.) to get back to normal.

If this were about Kristy's cuckolding you, you would not be moving directly to Sheila. She lights your fire because she is so open about using you, mistreating you, and dismissing you. Let's not forget that she intends to cuck you as well!
 
Pretty much hitting the nail on the head. Other relationships one can compare this situation to are relationships where a guy leaves his wife for a woman with bigger tits. Or more relevant, a wife leaving her cuck husband because his cock is too small and fell in love with the lover. You have seen it happen to others here. We all say it is fucked up and support the guy. In your case though, you reversed things and are leaving your wife because she doesn't light your fire. You are leaving Kristy for shallow, screwed up reasons and you should lose everything in a divorce. This is highly immoral of you.
 
"A cuckold's progression," by Anon

Crazy Horse (aka Kevinsslave),

kevinsslave said:
As I have written, at length, in my Best Cuckold Experience thread, I have reached, I believe, the point of no return in my marriage. After several years of not only watching my wife fuck other men, but, willingly and gladly encouraging her and taking part in those relationships, I have hit a wall. .... What I didn't know was that it would eventually leave me feeling so detached and, in some ways, empty. .... Honestly, I'd love to know how you long-time cucks get by these things. Does anyone have these feelings other than me?
Click to expand...

I won't pretend to be able to answer your question. Instead, I'll pass along a post from another member of this forum from some time back that seems somewhat relevant. It intrigued me, so I copied and saved it — but unfortunately I did not include the URL, nor the screen name of the original poster, nor the date of his post in my saved version. My apologies to him (whoever he is) for not being able to credit him properly. Here it is.

"A cuckold’s progression," by Anon

"I have been married three times during the past 40 years. All of my wives have cuckolded me, including my wife of the past 25 years. Many cuckold relationships start like ours and reach the same forks-in-the-road, with differing outcomes."

"It usually starts when a married couple decide to 'push the boundaries' of their relationships with others and with sex. The husband is usually the instigator. With some effort, he convinces his wife to dress somewhat more provocatively and perhaps do some flirting. It usually doesn’t stay at flirting long before one or both partners want to up the ante."

"The first decision is, will this involve both the husband and wife or only the wife? Those who desire the former usually go into swinging. Those who desire the latter usually move directly toward cuckolding. (In my cases, it always started with swinging.) As time passes, the wife almost always attracts more attention than her husband. Wives can almost always draw more, younger and better-looking men because there are significantly fewer women than men willing to pursue adultery. If a married woman likes that form of attention, as have my three wives, she will wish to go to bed with many of these good-looking young men even if they don’t provide women for her husband to swing with."

"This leads to the next negotiation. The wife agrees to go on a swinging date with her husband, if she can have a date with one of the men who are pursuing her. Her husband, having initiated this and encouraged her, says 'yes.' "

"Next to be decided is, how much involvement will her husband have in her dates? Will they always be threesomes? Can she go alone sometimes? Always? Never…?"

"Regardless of their agreement, the wife can always change it because, as her husband is now beginning to realize, she holds all the power in this situation. Soon she will want two and then three dates for each swinging engagement because—as she will point out—she only swings 'to keep him happy.' She does not want other women bedding her husband, but allows it 'for him.' "

"Before long, she informs him she 'really wants to go on some or all of her dates alone, or she just can’t see how she can keep swinging.' "

"After a while there is no more swinging, and the wife goes on dates when she pleases. The agreed-upon length of her dates soon changes as well. In my case, it went from evenings to overnights to a week at ….[vacation spot]…., with him. (She couldn’t find time to go there with me this year.)"

"Her cuckold soon realizes that all other agreed-upon rules are also subject to change. For instance, it was 'condoms only' in the beginning when each of my three wives began taking lovers. This lasts until the wife finds a lover she really likes, so she wants to go bareback with him. In my case, my wives decided to take black lovers exclusively…. and did not want to disrespect them by asking them to use condoms, which 'black men don’t like.' "

"Her cuckold agrees, because by now he suspects she will do it anyway and he has lost the nerve to challenge her."

"This is a big step for him toward self-acknowledgment of his status as his wife’s cuckold, because there is a large difference between another man having sexual relations with his wife and actually ejaculating inside her. In all societies, this act is a very strong mark of possession by the other man. The thought of his wife’s lover mixing his DNA with hers is very sobering, even if he doesn’t think she can get pregnant. Her desire to have the seed of another man inside her is sufficient to let her cuckold know where he stands."

"If her cuckold is ever intimate with another woman, must he wear a condom? His wife makes it clear that he must. He won’t challenge this request either because, well, it probably won’t happen anyway."

"One night the gradual shift of power from cuckold to wife accelerates when she informs him that, 'Sweetheart, just for fun, for a little while, I want you to wear condoms.' She explains she wants to experience 'what it would be like' to have ONLY her lover’s semen and sperm inside her. Her cuckold, whose response pattern is now established, agrees."

"A few years later, the wife decides she will allow her cuckold inside her bareback if he will get a vasectomy. 'We have our children anyway,' she points out to him. This happened to me three years ago. Five months ago, my wife informed me she was going to 'settle down' and see only four lovers regularly (two middle-aged black men who are brothers and the two sons of one of them), because that will be 'safer.' Four months ago, she informed me she was going off her birth control pills because they are unsafe at her age, and because, at 45, she can’t get pregnant anyway. But, since she went off the pill, conversations among her and her lovers have mostly been about 'knocking her up.' To me she says things like, 'you can shoot blanks in me if you want, sweetheart, it doesn’t matter.' "

"I must love this stuff, right? I have done it three times!"

So there you have it, from "Anon's" point of view.

—Custer
 
I agree with with Mac said about the thrill being gone. As in any addiction, the highs are harder to come by and the lows get lower until you are using (alcohol, drugs, porn, sex, etc.) to get back to normal.
Click to expand...

Yes, true, and to take the drug addiction analogy a step further, the worst thing to do in recovery is become romantically involved with another addict. I've tried relationships every which way and I just want to get back to normal, now.

Let's not forget that she intends to cuck you as well!
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No, she does not. See upthread, she said she knows I like to think of her with another guy but she doesn't, it makes her feel "dirty." I told her I do not want her to do it. I want a normal relationship. I've tried the other kind, it slowly deadens and kills your feelings towards the woman (at least in my case). A lot of what Sheila did was because she knew I craved it and it kept me around. I think she realizes now (at least I hope she does) that I don't need that to stay around. And, I don't. And, if I ever get "sentimental" about my cuck days, trust me, I have a lot of memories to fall back on (including knowing what 2 of the guys Sheila has been with look like and, in one instance, what her, hopefully, last lover tasted like).

This is highly immoral of you.
Click to expand...

Again with the morality play. Morality in a forum where guys talk about their joys at watching and knowing their wives are having lovers' cocks shoved in every orifice in their body. Morality in a forum where guys dream of the woman (that is supposed to be faithful to their vows and marriage) coming home with a load of another guy's cum in them so that they can clean her out. Please, Kristy bent morality when she insisted, early on in our dating relationship, that she was going to fuck who she wanted, when she wanted. We both bent our morals to engage in this lifestyle. If we were wonderfully, moral, people, we wouldn't have lived the longest cocktail party for the last several years.

It is, however, I suppose, selfish and wrong of me to simply leave my wife without giving her or us any chance of repairing our broken relationship. And, if I thought I or we could repair it, I would try. Right now, I don't think it's possible. Maybe, it is because of Sheila, I don't know. I just know I've felt emotionally dead for a long, long time and I feel like I'm alive again, finally. Maybe, I will change my mind. I highly doubt it.

You are leaving Kristy for shallow, screwed up reasons and you should lose everything in a divorce.
Click to expand...

If I played by the rules, in court, I wouldn't lose much at all since we were only married 3 years. I'll give her far more than she would get in the court system and I should know since I'm a lawyer.

Listen, human emotions are a fragile thing. If I had known my feelings would change, I would have never, ever engaged in this life. And, I certainly would have demanded that she stay faithful to me. I didn't know that I would end up feeling this way, anymore than I knew when I met Kristy that I would fall in love with her and marry her. It happened, slowly and gradually. I should have seen the warning signs along the way. I didn't and neither did she.

You know, I had plenty of opportunities to fuck around with woman during our marriage. I didn't. I was happy with her. I'm not now. Sorry this is so unpleasant, but, people fall out of love. In this case, it's because at some point, all her extramarital shit took it's toll on me emotionally. You know, there's only so many times your heart or mind can take your loved one saying, "I love you, honey, but now I have to go fuck [insert lover]." If you remain wildly in love with that person, and don't detach yourself emotionally, you're bound to feel pain or hurt. At least I'm that way. My greatest sin, my greatest fault, is that I remained emotionally detached for so long that by the time I realized it, I realized I was no longer in love with Kristy. I ache because I do, and always will, love her. I've been with scores of women in my life and loved only a few. It means the world to me to love someone and the last thing I want to do is hurt someone I love so much.

But, what do you suppose would hurt her more? Leaving now or remaining with her and remaining emotionally detached and dead? Plus, I'm not sure that I can or want to stop seeing Sheila. I've pined away for her forever and I finally consumated a long burning emotion today. I want to be with her.

Really, too, doesn't this forum, this lifestyle, teach us that we should pursue our dreams, our emotions, our feelings?

And, Custer, Anon gets it pretty much right on the progression. It sort of evolves from one thing to another. In my case, the problem is while I liked the evolution, I also emotionally detached myself from it more and more until I've come to this.

Kristy will be home Monday. I don't know how I'll handle doing this face to face. She's emotionally unglued and inconsolable right now. And, I'm having a hard time dealing with her almost nonstop calls. Today when I was at Sheila's, she called 10 times. Of course, I had to lie to her and tell her I was in court all day and I don't like doing that.

And, to end this, I know this is my problem and mostly my fault. I'm deeply sorry for what I've done and what I'm doing to her. If I could stop it, I would. But, with my present state of mind, I can't stop it and I would be getting back with her not because I want to stay married, but, because I don't want to hurt her. That's worse, in my mind, than leaving her.
 
I think it is fine you had your life style and others live it. I am not judging it. I don't engage in it myself nor want to, but I like reading the adventures of others. As far as morality goes in sexuality, I am not an authority nor will I tell you cuckolding is moral or immoral.
But I am saying that you are depended on emotionally and you are not just removing that support from Kristy, but shoving her into the ground while you try to appear noble or right by saying that, because you are emotionally dead, because she bent the morals, because you feel alive and pined for this woman, that you are free from criticism and condemnation. But you are up and leaving Kristy for another woman. Kristy though she found a safe harbor in you, safe from having to honestly compete in every which away for your affections that are more important to her than any of her lovers. Not only are you leaving, but you are doing so with another woman.
 
Don't leave your wife, just talk to her how you feel, and consider taking a lover and building a caring, sharing relationship with her - but keep your wife as she loves you. DIVORCING your wife will destroy her little bits at a time.
 
I think it is too late Saraha. I think Kevin doesn't really care if this would destroy Kristy. He says he loves her, but I doubt that is true if he is willing to do this to her, just because he found someone he likes better.
 
Custer, now I don't feel bad for what we did to you and your men at the Little Big Horn. Those links in what is a serious and deep thread for me. :)

Chloe, BTW, ends her post by signing it Chloe, still a *****. LOL. Those threads are too funny. For example:

That’s what I mean by working to make my marriage work. I didn’t really feel like giving a blow job after two hard days of sex. What I needed was a massage and a hot shower, but how selfish would that be.
Click to expand...

I don't know if that was your intention, but you sure as fuck made me laugh (and I needed it after today - see other thread).

And, Sahara and AngleBaby (you never told me if you like the Toby Beau song, "Angel Baby"), read my other thread, I am thinking about counseling and do still love my wife and don't know that I'm getting a divorce. I don't really know what I'm going to do other than try to find the right solution for all of this.

signed

CrazyHorse (the Indian [which I'm not]) not Neil Young's sometimes backup band (which I'd love to be in).
 
Never heard the song. My nick is a mathematicians inside joke.
My beef with what you are doing is that you are willing to leave your wife so quickly for something that you are an accomplice in. I am the kind of guy that believes spouses deserve to be fought for and given every chance as part of our promise and commitment to them.
 
Kevin. You should go back to your wife. But now you made a promise to another women and her two daughters. To do right by them, you need to give her something that will last a life time. Pay for her tuition before you leave Sheila. Send her back to graduate with a useful skill set. Or give the dad a few courses in something he can earn enough money to pay child support on. Like deep sea welding?
 
Crazy Horse,

kevinsslave said:
Custer, now I don't feel bad for what we did to you and your men at the Little Big Horn.
Click to expand...

Hey, no hard feelings.... those things happen.

kevinsslave said:
Those links in what is a serious and deep thread for me. :)
Click to expand...

I didn't include them in an attempt to suggest you view them as some sort of "advice." Rather, I included Chloe's description of her life and times as an example of a woman at the high end of the female sexuality spectrum, and how she deals with it. That she is a " 'ho" is somewhat incidental. (Note her husband was shocked and left her when he found out, then later returned after giving it some thought. She is now a happily married 'ho [evidently]. I.e., she and her cuckold seem to be "making it last.")

Your wife Kristi, from what you've said about her, appears to be at the high end of the female-sexuality spectrum.

kevinsslave said:
Chloe, BTW, ends her post by signing it Chloe, still a *****. LOL. Those threads are too funny. .... I don't know if that was your intention, but you sure as fuck made me laugh (and I needed it after today - see other thread).
Click to expand...

Awright.... nothing wrong with a good laugh. It's medicinal. I enjoy a good belly laugh myself from time to time.

—Custer
 
Never heard the song.
Click to expand...

Listen to it, it's a remarkable piece of late 70s pop/rock.

I know what you're beef is with me and, if this wasn't me, but someone else, I'd probably feel the way you do. Again, I don't know what I'll end up doing (with my luck, I'll end up finding a way to lose both of them) but, believe me, whichever way I choose, I would always go out of my way to make sure I try and help the woman that I leave.

I think it's going to be confusing in the immediate future, because, I think I'll probably try it both ways for awhile. Time, my heart and mind, I'm sure will lead me to the best (not, necessarily, right) answer.

nothing wrong with a good laugh.
Click to expand...

God, so true. You all should check out the Chloe link, it is hilarious. Kristy certainly is at the high end of the female-sexuality spectrum. What makes things worse, is I'm fairly certain (as is she) as to why she is that way. I would never talk about her private, past, here, but it adds to my guilt. Because part of me knows why she is the way she is and I should have known better to let it get to this point.

Oh, well, I reiterate (see other thread), only love can break your heart..................

Peace and love, all
 
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