Hey everyone new here with a serious question, but before I begin a little about us. I'm 29 5'9 190 lbs, my wife is 5'1 129 lbs and we live in Hawaii. Anyway, watching my wife with another guy has always been a fantasy of mine and it always turns me on, so I asked my wife about it and at first she said no, was actually mad I asked, fast forward 5 years and she finally agrees. It really gets her hot in bed to role play, but anyway we did the whole Craigslist thing and she found someone she likes, she actually met him once behind my back (nothing happened) I found out and got pissed and they stopped talking for a good 9 months. Anyway we got back into role play and decided to really give it a try, so she finds the same guy and they start chatting (I'm there watching everything) and it gets me hot to think its gonna happen, the role play sex has been great! Here's the problem, every time it comes time to set up a date between those two, we're always up for it, and then I always chicken out and tell her she can't go. So how do I allow it to happen? I want it but I always change my mind, is this normal for beginners or am I just a wannabe?
How to accept being a cuckold? Help?
- Thread starterKalei
- Start date
Kalei said:
Hi Kalei,
You've gotta make up your mind. You can't let the nerves/anxiety/angst get to you. Either decide it's gonna happen, or decide it's best left as fantasy.
If you don't make up your mind soon, it's possible that she's going to want this so bad that it happens anyway... then just as Mac said, your wife may cuckold you without your knowledge.
Good luck!
I'm going to agree with Jinxy and say you need to make a decision.
Here's how I looked at it when I had the same decision to make. I knew it turned both of us on a lot to think about it - fantasy, role-play, etc., just like you.
I'm not sure about your wife, but I knew mine had been with many other guys and that turned me on too so I was pretty confident about it. But I also knew that if I didn't like it, that it wasn't the end of the world - big deal, she had sex with a guy, like I said, it wasn't the first time and I knew that part wouldn't bother me.
Regarding Mac's and Duke's comments - if you're a cuck - then you'll want to know what your wife is doing. If you're unsure, then maybe you don't want to know and she can sneak around as best as she can. I know that for me, I wanted to know.
Here's how I looked at it when I had the same decision to make. I knew it turned both of us on a lot to think about it - fantasy, role-play, etc., just like you.
I'm not sure about your wife, but I knew mine had been with many other guys and that turned me on too so I was pretty confident about it. But I also knew that if I didn't like it, that it wasn't the end of the world - big deal, she had sex with a guy, like I said, it wasn't the first time and I knew that part wouldn't bother me.
Regarding Mac's and Duke's comments - if you're a cuck - then you'll want to know what your wife is doing. If you're unsure, then maybe you don't want to know and she can sneak around as best as she can. I know that for me, I wanted to know.
The sad truth is that fantasy (about anything) is often better than the reality of it.
Having said that, I suspect that you fear losing her.
When on gets over the fear of losing ones wife to anorther man, it is only then that a husband can truly enjoy being cuckokld.
However, there are no guarantees in life and the danger of her leaving you for another will still be in your thoughts but not as gut wrenching as before and it wiil just become an erotic thought. You wiil learn to get turned on by the danger of it all
To this end, your wife should periodically reassure you that she still loves you.
Having said that, I suspect that you fear losing her.
When on gets over the fear of losing ones wife to anorther man, it is only then that a husband can truly enjoy being cuckokld.
However, there are no guarantees in life and the danger of her leaving you for another will still be in your thoughts but not as gut wrenching as before and it wiil just become an erotic thought. You wiil learn to get turned on by the danger of it all
To this end, your wife should periodically reassure you that she still loves you.
Mac provided the most sensible answer to your dilemma. Basically, he gave you training wheels. Instead of beers, add tequila, scotch and wine to the mix. Loosen up if you want it to really happen, but realize that once it happens there is no going back. Go for it cause even if it fails, you'll have found out a lot about each other. Without being too dramatic, I tend to think that cuckold is a lot like facing death because the real you comes out in those circumstances. Until then, shades of truth are what most people show others throughout their lives and they hedge their assertions and pulpy tomes on what they think they will or would do without facing the fire.
Kalei, the adage " be careful what you ask for, you might get it" applies. My wife and I have dabbled in this fetish for awhile now. She has not been with another man sexually for two years till last Saturday night. We both decided that we need a little spice in our relationship after 7 years of marriage. When you are truly faced with the fact that the woman that you love, has had your children, is your best friend, has been fucked by another is staggering. My wife met him at bar, went home with him and had very aggressive, passionate sex. She loved it and wants him again. I enjoy the after effects, we have had sex as often as possible since that night, but a part of me is a little sick at what has happened. Be careful,make sure you and your wife talk about this as much as possible. Once you start the ball rolling, you might not stop it, even if you want to.
Thanks guys for the advice, and thanks woodshed that seems very real and down to earth for me. I want it to happen but I'm afraid of what could really happen between my wife and I. In the meantime, in the heat of passion we set up another date and I cancelled it again afterwords, wife is starting to get irratated.
MacNfries said:Kalei, your apprehensiveness is normal. Maybe I'm not reading your post right, but you mention your desire, in the first part, of "watching your wife with another guy", then towards the latter part you mention "setting up a date between those two" ... 2 totally different scenerios to me, I think. Its the difference between being in a controlled environment (you present and watching), and a uncontrolled environment (you sitting at home waiting for your wife to return from her lover). I, personally, would have a concern with my wife going out and privately meeting with another guy, myself, and my wife and I have been liberal swingers for 17 years of marriage.
Why not have lunch or dinner with the guy ... or even better, have a cookout ... grill some dogs or burgers ... have a few beers and get to know each other. Then, if he and your wife have sex, provide condoms the first time or two ... helps you to relax a bit. See if this will help you get through your concerns.
Otherwise, maybe it really ISN'T for you. Your wife may make you a true cuckold down the road and it won't be painful because you won't know. Mac
Excellent advise.
njguy99 said:
You shouldn't give up so easily, suggest she date another guy on your birthday as the ONLY GIFT you will accept.
If she has a girlfriend she shares all her secrets with, you might try building a friendship with her and share your sex secrets with her, but ask her to, "please don't tell my wife".
The g/f can gently move your wife to take the gift of extra loving you are offering her (without revealing she has the "inside knowledge".
Tell the g/f how you would feel if your wife accepted your permission to date other guys. Talk from your heart so she can see you have given a lot of thought to it, and it won't "weaken your marriage one little bit".
If a couple did this to me more than a couple of times I'd lose interest. You keep pulling this and you're going to put the dude off. Your wife will have to find someone else. This, in turn, might tick her off...whether she admits it or not. It isn't always easy for a woman to find someone she really wants to do this with.Kalei said:
Angevin said:
I agree with Angevin that the other dude who might be a good catch for your wife and you may just feel like this is a waste of time. Also your wife may get irritated that you keep going back and forth.
I say you need to decide once and for all about it, and then tell your wife your desicion. If you want her to see him tell her to go one way or the other when you have some distance from the date. Or tell her you just can't handle it now, she will understand that. Your wife wants you to be assertive (as every woman does) so just make your desicion one way or the other, put it out there and live with it. As with any situation in life, just diving in can be easier than thinking about what could go wrong. Also I feel Mac's advice was top notch. If this guy knows you and your wife as a unit, sure he'll want to have good sex with her, but he isn't going to move in on her for a relationship because he will know that it's a waste of his time. So your wife will be getting a lot of good sex, you'll be banging the crap out of the wife and this dude will be happy for your wife's company.
You could take in a boarder who your wife would become friendly with over time, and then you three could have a threesome one night when you have all had too much alcohol. After that she can spend a lot of nights in bed with hem, then she can spread her wings and pick other guys up as her confidence grows.
H
Hank jones
Guest
I think we are missing a step. You both are turned on by the thought of her with this guy and you back out... I'm guessing you are changing your mind after you have sex that has built up from the thought of it happening, the once you cum the thrill is gone. Well I'd say an idea would be to have her deny you sex till she comes home.
Talk it out don't rush it. Make sure you have ground rules that you both agree to.
Good luck
Hank
Talk it out don't rush it. Make sure you have ground rules that you both agree to.
Good luck
Hank
Well finally agreed to it and my wife is on her date right now. She said she'll send me pics if anything happens which I'll try to share. I'm so hard and horny right now just thinking about it, I'm trying so hard not to stroke it and wait til my wife gets home, how does one pass the time while waiting?
Hi K, If you ask me the best part of the whole adventure is the waiting time while she is out on the date. Since this is your first time, your mind will go places you could never even imagine in your normal everday world. I remember my first times of just being temporaily insane/overcome with feelings I never ever had before. It is one wild ride, it's not for everyone. If you can get through it in a positive way, it will just make life so much more fun.
O
okdeacon
Guest
Sounds Good
Hope it was a success for you Kalei. Hope your wife got laid for you and congratulate you on finally getting the balls to let her go. Hope she enjoyed it as you kind of gave her a bad time before giving her the go ahead. She must be very a special lady to be so patient with you. Best Of Everything for you, her and the dude who got her, if it happened. okdeacon
Hope it was a success for you Kalei. Hope your wife got laid for you and congratulate you on finally getting the balls to let her go. Hope she enjoyed it as you kind of gave her a bad time before giving her the go ahead. She must be very a special lady to be so patient with you. Best Of Everything for you, her and the dude who got her, if it happened. okdeacon
