Many of you have read and responded to a few threads I have posted on the site. I have found the responses to be well articulated, helpful and thought provoking. I have read a good number of the threads and found them to be just as helpful and insightful. It is good to read many share the same feelings.
In my case, it is good to write my emotions and feelings here. The feedback is helpful. For those who may not have read my other threads, let me give you some back ground.
My wife and I have been married for 16 years. Our sex life is great and our marriage is great. When we first started dating and through most of our marriage, I was the jealous and possessive type. I even had hatred and jealousy of her past lovers which, looking back now, was silly considering they came into her life before I was even in the picture.
Anyway, fastforward to the last couple of years. I am not sure where they came from or why, I began having urges to watch my wife with another man. I initially attempted to repress those thoughts and urges thinking they are not normal and I am just crazy. My efforts to do so were not successful. The urges grew stronger.
The urges, as I now realized, initially manifested themselves in me buying my wife all kinds of dildos and vibrators. Over time, the dildos I purchased became larger and larger. For the last few years, through today, I absolutely love using a dildo on my wife while she uses a vibrator on her clit. Watching her take the various dildos, of different shapes and sizes, is very gratifying in words that are hard to express.
At some point in the last year or so, I started to ask my wife about what if anything she fantasized about when I used the dildos on her. To my extreme excitement, she mentioned fantasies of fucking other guys while I watched. She mentions those fantasies to this day. Having them shared with me has given me the most intense orgasms of my life.
During our love making, I have also told her that I would love to see her fuck another guy. She plays along with that and seems to get exicted by the talk. I have, though it has been difficult to do, point blank asked her if she would actually fuck another guy during love making. Her response has generally been along the lines of, "I don't know about that."
Most recently, and trying to test the waters further, I took some nude pictures of her. She did not tell me to delete those and, for that matter, did not instruct me not to share. She did ask what I intended to do with them in a curious manner and that response prompted me posting an earlier thread (which I personally took to mean she had some interest in testing some waters).
Fast forward to today. I am totally obsessed with the lifestyle. Not the lifestyle of a humiliated cuck mind you, but of more of a "hot wife" scenario of watching my wife getting fucked while I lightly participate. I think about it constantly and I really mean that. I just can't get it out of my mind. I want this to happen; it is like an itch I just cannot scratch.
I have come to realize that I really enjoy seeing why wife getting off. That gives me higher pleasure than my own sexual pleasure (really probably not entirely accurate since I derive a high level of sexual pleasure vicariously of getting her/watching her get off). Analyzing it further, this is really what I am "*****" on and watching her fuck another guy would be the ultimate.
Stepping back, there is a part of me that fears stepping forward. Likewise, it bothers me (and maybe it shouldn't) that I just cannot stop thinking about it. Seriously, I think about it all the time. I want more sex with my wife and more importantly, I want to get her off more (she did mention the other day I am wearing her out; LOL).
It would be helpful to read comments/experiences from others in response to my situation. I think I am really at the point where I am not sure what to do, what to think, or how to react. For that matter, I don't even know if my reactions/obsessions are "normal" if there is such a thing.
All kind words, advice, support, and thoughts will be more than appreciated. There really is no one else for me to talk to about it. Obviously, I can discuss it with my wife but I want to sort out my own thoughts first before moving forward. Our marriage is great and I do want to keep it that way. Seeds however seem to be there that would seem to make our intimacy super charged and even better.
Thanks all.
In my case, it is good to write my emotions and feelings here. The feedback is helpful. For those who may not have read my other threads, let me give you some back ground.
My wife and I have been married for 16 years. Our sex life is great and our marriage is great. When we first started dating and through most of our marriage, I was the jealous and possessive type. I even had hatred and jealousy of her past lovers which, looking back now, was silly considering they came into her life before I was even in the picture.
Anyway, fastforward to the last couple of years. I am not sure where they came from or why, I began having urges to watch my wife with another man. I initially attempted to repress those thoughts and urges thinking they are not normal and I am just crazy. My efforts to do so were not successful. The urges grew stronger.
The urges, as I now realized, initially manifested themselves in me buying my wife all kinds of dildos and vibrators. Over time, the dildos I purchased became larger and larger. For the last few years, through today, I absolutely love using a dildo on my wife while she uses a vibrator on her clit. Watching her take the various dildos, of different shapes and sizes, is very gratifying in words that are hard to express.
At some point in the last year or so, I started to ask my wife about what if anything she fantasized about when I used the dildos on her. To my extreme excitement, she mentioned fantasies of fucking other guys while I watched. She mentions those fantasies to this day. Having them shared with me has given me the most intense orgasms of my life.
During our love making, I have also told her that I would love to see her fuck another guy. She plays along with that and seems to get exicted by the talk. I have, though it has been difficult to do, point blank asked her if she would actually fuck another guy during love making. Her response has generally been along the lines of, "I don't know about that."
Most recently, and trying to test the waters further, I took some nude pictures of her. She did not tell me to delete those and, for that matter, did not instruct me not to share. She did ask what I intended to do with them in a curious manner and that response prompted me posting an earlier thread (which I personally took to mean she had some interest in testing some waters).
Fast forward to today. I am totally obsessed with the lifestyle. Not the lifestyle of a humiliated cuck mind you, but of more of a "hot wife" scenario of watching my wife getting fucked while I lightly participate. I think about it constantly and I really mean that. I just can't get it out of my mind. I want this to happen; it is like an itch I just cannot scratch.
I have come to realize that I really enjoy seeing why wife getting off. That gives me higher pleasure than my own sexual pleasure (really probably not entirely accurate since I derive a high level of sexual pleasure vicariously of getting her/watching her get off). Analyzing it further, this is really what I am "*****" on and watching her fuck another guy would be the ultimate.
Stepping back, there is a part of me that fears stepping forward. Likewise, it bothers me (and maybe it shouldn't) that I just cannot stop thinking about it. Seriously, I think about it all the time. I want more sex with my wife and more importantly, I want to get her off more (she did mention the other day I am wearing her out; LOL).
It would be helpful to read comments/experiences from others in response to my situation. I think I am really at the point where I am not sure what to do, what to think, or how to react. For that matter, I don't even know if my reactions/obsessions are "normal" if there is such a thing.
All kind words, advice, support, and thoughts will be more than appreciated. There really is no one else for me to talk to about it. Obviously, I can discuss it with my wife but I want to sort out my own thoughts first before moving forward. Our marriage is great and I do want to keep it that way. Seeds however seem to be there that would seem to make our intimacy super charged and even better.
Thanks all.