I want my cuck back.

[smooth.lady]

Some 12 years ago I met someone very special online and some 18 months later we met in person and an affair of love, lust and madcap sex was born.

A year later we were engaged and our transatlantic sexcapades was a rollercoaster ride for a further 5 years which saw me drawn into a life of cuckoldry to allow me to enjoy the BBC I’d first had in college and never lost my desire for.

I knew his wife had cuckolded him all through their marriage and he’d accepted her behavior so I knew than other than the odd hiccup and tantrum he’d allow me to have any man I had the hots for.

Eventually I pushed him away and I messed up big time. I married a vanilla husband last year after offering to take my old lover back on any terms - even as a ménage et trois with his ex-wife who he is back living with.

I miss him so much and want my cuck back again and the exciting sex life I had with him.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Sounds like you may need to re-set to zero (but maybe not...)

Hi Ms. Smoothlady,

I see you joined this month and have posted twice, so this must be either your first or second post. Welcome to the forum!

Some 12 years ago I met someone very special online and some 18 months later we met in person and an affair of love, lust and madcap sex was born.

Cool! Congratulations for your catch!

A year later we were engaged; our transatlantic sexcapades were a rollercoaster ride for a further 5 years.

Nice! Since you and your catch became engaged, I guess that implies neither you nor he were married...

This saw me drawn into a life of cuckoldry, which allowed me to enjoy the BBC which I’d first had in college and never lost my desire for.

Sounds like sexual high adventure. But here, your post becomes confusing. By "a life of cuckoldry," I gather you don't mean with respect to your catch you had become engaged to (in Europe, evidently), since neither you nor he were married...

I knew his wife had cuckolded him all through their marriage and he’d accepted her behavior...

Hm... by "his wife," do you mean the wife of your black-man lover (a black woman, presumably), not your lover in Europe (to whom you were engaged)?

...so, I knew that other than the odd hiccup and tantrum, he’d allow me to have any man I had the hots for.

Sounds ideal, from your point of view. But again, some clarification would be helpful. Do you mean your (evidently married) black-man lover (in Maryland, I gather) was OK with you having "any man you had the hots for," or do you mean your (evidently not married) lover in Europe to whom you were engaged was OK with you fucking "any other man you had the hots for," or do you mean both your black-man lover in Maryland AND your fiance in Europe were OK with you fucking other men, as well as them...?

Eventually I pushed him away and I messed up big time.

Sounds like a bad decision. But, those things happen. (Which of your lovers was the "him" you pushed away?)

I married a vanilla husband last year after offering to take my old lover back on any terms - even as a ménage et trois with his ex-wife whom he is back living with.

Marrying a vanilla husband is always high risk for a strongly-sexual woman like yourself. Sounds like you're a woman who likes to take chances, so you went out on a limb...

But, when you say you "offered to take your old lover back on any terms," which old lover do you mean? Your (former, evidently) fiance in Europe, who has now re-married or is otherwise living with a former wife, or your black lover in Maryland (who is now re-married or otherwise living with a former wife)?

I miss him so much and want my cuck back again and the exciting sex life I had with him.

That's unfortunate. But, since you haven't had children with your vanilla husband (evidently.. you haven't mentioned any children), there would seem to be at least two ways to proceed.

One would be to adopt the view that there is no "one man" who is the only "right man for you," and write off the past as sexually-satisfying (you definitely did not waste your time) but now it's water under the bridge. Inform your vanilla husband that regretfully, you've come to realize you made a mistake, then divorce him (hopefully with an uncontested divorce, to save legal expenses), and... in effect... re-set to zero. I.e., begin a search for a suitable husband who wants a wife who will humiliate him by taking lovers. There seem to be lots of men "out there" who want to be submissive husbands in a relationship of this nature; i.e., in a femdom marriage in which their wife will be the dominant partner and head of household (HoH), and they want to agree, and will agree, that it will be their wife's prerogative to date and fuck other men while the husband must remain faithful as her cuckold.

Another possible solution would be to gradually seduce and transform your vanilla husband into your cuckold, such that he accepts himself as such and accepts that that is his proper and appropriate role in your marriage... and, in a broader sense, in life.

Which of these solutions (if either) you consider most desirable and most likely to succeed will depend on your assessment of the probability you'll be able to transform your vanilla husband into your cuckold within some "reasonable" length of time without "unreasonable" conflict.

Thank you for your post, and good luck!

—Custer

 

[smooth.lady]

I wrote lots and lots but it disappeared?

Any quick reply is that my ex-fiancé was engaged to me while waiting for his divorce to come through.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Thank you for your attempted reply, Ms. Smooth.lady.

I wrote lots and lots, but it disappeared. (?)

If you get "timed out" while you're writing (this can easily happen, even if you don't write lots and lots), then when you hit the "submit" button, the verbiage you've written does not get posted (because you've been logged out), and you lose it. You can circumvent the inconveniently-short "timeout time" as follows.

1) Hit the "reply" button that puts you in "write" mode, write your comments, then... when you've finished... "copy" all of your comments so they're saved on your "clipboard."

2) Click the "Cuckold.com/forums/ button at top left to return to the "forums" page where, if you have not been "timed out," you will see that your screen name still appears in the "Welcome, smooth.lady" box. If this is the case, you can return to your "write-mode" page by using the "back" button in your "History" menu. Then, hit "submit reply" (below center) and your comments should be posted.

3) If, when you return to the "forums" page (per [2]), you find your screen name no longer appears in the log-in box, that means you've been "timed out." BUT, all is not lost because you copied your comments onto your "clip board" where they should still be saved.

4) If "(3)" is the case, do the login procedure again, return to the thread where you wanted to post your comment, enter "write mode" (again), "paste" your comments into the box, then click the "submit reply" button (center, below). Voila! Your comments should be posted. (You can execute this last step quickly, so you should not be "timed out" a second time.)

The above procedure is simpler than it might look. I use it frequently, since I don't type with blinding speed.

Anyway, a quick reply is that my ex-fiancé was engaged to me while waiting for his divorce to come through.

OK... that clarifies your initial post somewhat. I gather, then, you viewed your ex-fiancé as your "cuckold," whom you (too hastily, you now realize) terminated your relationship with...?

—Custer

 

[smooth.lady]

Trying again Custer
1. As I said it was my ex-fiancé that I pushed away, as his divorce became final he moved from Ireland to be with me here in Maryland. But I felt him too dominant in this day to day life after having been a one parent family for so many years since I chucked my first husband.

2. My current husband was an affair with an office colleague I had while engaged - I was presented with a choice back then of my fiancé or him and I choose my fiancé.

3. Only after I’d pushed my fiancé away, his decision to leave, I felt I was treating him as I would any American man I was married to but he seemed to think I was treating him as chicken shit and in hindsight maybe I was by that point in our relationship. He upped sticks and went back to Ireland and shortly afterwards his ex-wife convinced him back to live with her.

4. My current husband only married me after I gave him an assurance that I’d never chase after my ex-fiancé and replace him and that I’d go back to being a vanilla wife. So turning him cuckold is not an option, his ego and macho image couldn’t allow his wife to be a cuckoldress.

5. After 5 years since splitting up I’m even more convinced that there can be one special person for you and that life is a whole new ballgame with that person. I’ve dated a lot of dorks since him and even married one, all of them together wouldn’t make a fraction of my ex-fiancé. He’s the only man I’ve ever met with a libido greater than my own and a sexy creative mind that makes sex fun and excitingly different every day.

6. It might be easy to find a sub husband but I want my cuck, he made me feel as no other man ever has and each day was exciting and sensual. With him we could play so many sex games yet his whole character is one that my vanilla friends and family took to immediately and I could see so many of my female friends and colleagues wanted to be me. He lights up a room when he enters and has such charisma, I now know how special he is and no one I’ve dated has come anywhere close to making me feel like he does.

Thanks for letting me know what went wrong and why and I’m using your advice this time as it happened with me exactly as you said. I can’t do all the fancy editing with comments as you have so please bear with me, I’m trying to explain things as best I can.

I used to post on Wifelovers when I was with him but only just joined here in the hope that people like you will show me how to win my cuck back.

 

[Villain]

I don't get it. Are you a male or female?

 

[smooth.lady]

????????

I don't get it. Are you a male or female?

Female, doesn't the fact I have a husband and my Avatar give you a clue?

 

[Villain]

doesn't the fact I have a husband and my Avatar give you a clue?

No. I need to type 10 characters for it to accept my response.

 

[smooth.lady]

Poor pet!

No. I need to type 10 characters for it to accept my response.

I suggest you get a life!

 

[Villain]

I suggest you get a life!

I'm not the one pretending to be female. ZING!

 

[smooth.lady]

Oh so you think I'm not female, boy you need some serious eye work!

 

[smallcockpaul]

I don't get it. Are you a male or female?

Mods, take a look at all this guys posts please. Seems to be the same question on each one!!

 

[Villain]

Mods, take a look at all this guys posts please. Seems to be the same question on each one!!

Not all of them, narco.

 

[mimi27406]

I do not for a minute think you are a Male

I do understand the feeling when you have pushed away the one who served you best to seek the flash in the pan. Let us just not make this mistake again.

 

[smooth.lady]

Thank you!

Enough of them to get irritating. You can stop now.

I didn't know what to do about him.

 

[smooth.lady]

Another chance

I do understand the feeling when you have pushed away the one who served you best to seek the flash in the pan. Let us just not make this mistake again.

Thank you Mimi, I surely won't mess up again if I can convince him to give me another chance.

So if the love of your life messed up and wanted to win you back, having told you they were willing to do what it takes and you said you don't trust their love enough.

Where does that person go next to win your love and trust, you seem a very intuitive and sensitive person who might understand my needs?

 

[Custer Laststand]

Hi Ms. Smooth.lady,

At the risk of seeming uncool, I must say you appear to have placed yourself in a 3-way bind. The elements, and some thoughts on them, are as follows.

(i) You hooked up with a classic charismatic machoman of the kind married women with "nice, responsible husbands" find irresistible, lust after, have flings with, and sometimes bear children by because of their perceived superior genes. But, when your Irish lover moved to MD and took up housekeeping with you, you found his strong personality more than you wanted to cope with on a day-to-day basis. So (as you say), you pushed him out. What you did not mention is, he may also have departed because he found, close-up and personal, you did not fit his non-U.S. image of what a wife "should" be like. (Ireland really is a different country... Irish culture is by no means identical to U.S. culture, and expectations of women by Irish men are not identical to such expectations by U.S. men.) There may have been other considerations, as well. Perhaps, for instance, he found the work he was able to find in Maryland somewhat disappointing. He decided Ireland and his Irish wife were not so bad after all, it sounds like... returned... and moved back in with her.

When your Irish love said he "doesn't trust your love" anymore, that means (IMO) that for some combination of reasons... perhaps all of the above... he doesn't want to come to the U.S. again and live with you, nor does he want to have a renewed trans-Atlantic affair with you. If from his point of view the magic is gone, you can probably consider him gone. But, you want him back. That's conundrum (i).

(ii) Meanwhile, you had an affair with another man in your office who, after your Irish love departed (I gather), proposed marriage. Seeing some characteristics in him similar (it appears) to your Irish love... he's macho and has a strong ego, for instance... and being on the rebound (as they say)... you accepted. Unfortunately, you neglected to consider adequately that he does not have at least one additional characteristic you require in a husband. I.e., he wants you to be "faithful" to him and not fuck other men. He made you promise this. Submerging the importance (to you, personally) of enjoying the pleasures of a variety of lovers, and facing the apparent desirability of being married (again), you agreed — perhaps saying something like, "um... OK."

But now, as you have emphasized (and as noted above), you want your Irish lover back. Setting aside the problem of him not wanting you back (apparently), this implies you would... eagerly, it seems... cuckold your present husband with your Irish lover, if that were a possibility. But, you have made it clear that you take seriously your promise to your husband to not fuck other men. Given that re-establishing your fling with your Irish lover is not a possibility (evidently), yet acknowledging you are significantly more sexual than your husband and do not find him satisfying in bed (it sounds like), hence acknowledging you are in need of a lover (or lovers), this is conundrum (ii).

(iii) Finally, you have stated, in effect, you know in your heart your Irish lover is the only man you can "truly" love (even if on a cuckold basis). This also precludes cuckolding your husband with other men. Given your sexual requirements, this is conundrum (iii).

These are the reasons I began by saying you seem to have placed yourself in a 3-way bind. Your sexual, erotic and marital requirements, in fact, appear to form a gordian knot.

I'll stop, at this point, and ask you if I have it right (at least approximately). If not, maybe you could clarify your situation further...

—Custer

 

[smooth.lady]

Nearly but not complete!

Hi Ms. Smooth.lady,

At the risk of seeming uncool, I must say you appear to have placed yourself in a 3-way bind. The elements, and some thoughts on them, are as follows.

(i) You hooked up with a classic charismatic machoman of the kind married women with "nice, responsible husbands" find irresistible, lust after, have flings with, and sometimes bear children by because of their perceived superior genes. But, when your Irish lover moved to MD and took up housekeeping with you, you found his strong personality more than you wanted to cope with on a day-to-day basis. So (as you say), you pushed him out. What you did not mention is, he may also have departed because he found, close-up and personal, you did not fit his non-U.S. image of what a wife "should" be like. (Ireland really is a different country... Irish culture is by no means identical to U.S. culture, and expectations of women by Irish men are not identical to such expectations by U.S. men.) There may have been other considerations, as well. Perhaps, for instance, he found the work he was able to find in Maryland somewhat disappointing. He decided Ireland and his Irish wife were not so bad after all, it sounds like... returned... and moved back in with her.

When your Irish love said he "doesn't trust your love" anymore, that means (IMO) that for some combination of reasons... perhaps all of the above... he doesn't want to come to the U.S. again and live with you, nor does he want to have a renewed trans-Atlantic affair with you. If from his point of view the magic is gone, you can probably consider him gone. But, you want him back. That's conundrum (i).

(ii) Meanwhile, you had an affair with another man in your office who, after your Irish love departed (I gather), proposed marriage. Seeing some characteristics in him similar (it appears) to your Irish love... he's macho and has a strong ego, for instance... and being on the rebound (as they say)... you accepted. Unfortunately, you neglected to consider adequately that he does not have at least one additional characteristic you require in a husband. I.e., he wants you to be "faithful" to him and not fuck other men. He made you promise this. Submerging the importance (to you, personally) of enjoying the pleasures of a variety of lovers, and facing the apparent desirability of being married (again), you agreed — perhaps saying something like, "um... OK."

But now, as you have emphasized (and as noted above), you want your Irish lover back. Setting aside the problem of him not wanting you back (apparently), this implies you would... eagerly, it seems... cuckold your present husband with your Irish lover, if that were a possibility. But, you have made it clear that you take seriously your promise to your husband to not fuck other men. Given that re-establishing your fling with your Irish lover is not a possibility (evidently), yet acknowledging you are significantly more sexual than your husband and do not find him satisfying in bed (it sounds like), hence acknowledging you are in need of a lover (or lovers), this is conundrum (ii).

(iii) Finally, you have stated, in effect, you know in your heart your Irish lover is the only man you can "truly" love (even if on a cuckold basis). This also precludes cuckolding your husband with other men. Given your sexual requirements, this is conundrum (iii).

These are the reasons I began by saying you seem to have placed yourself in a 3-way bind. Your sexual, erotic and marital requirements, in fact, appear to form a gordian knot.

I'll stop, at this point, and ask you if I have it right (at least approximately). If not, maybe you could clarify your situation further...

—Custer

(i) Yes to all outwardly appearances he is a macho man but he has so many facets to him that is only a small part of his personality and sexuality. He can function in all roles of cuckoldry and he was able to direct our sex life putting him in different persona depending on the sophistication of my lovers. Some would only have me where they believed I was absolutely cheating on my fiancé so he had no interaction with them whatsoever other than writing to them as me, to set up dates for me and chat with them as though he was a horned cuckold. With others who were more flexible and at some stage were going to allow him to be present or at the very least was aware that I was parting my legs for them he’d interact at a growing level of awareness of being cuckolded. At first he’d allow them to think he was being horned ten aware I was dating them but pretended he was ******* I was already intimate. These were some of the many levels he operated at right through to some of my hung black lovers who he’d be the almost Bi cum sucking cuckold in front of. I needed him to keep me right as to who was who, I would often forget which of them were secret, open etc. He even adored me cuckolding him in secret and only informing him after it happened, he adored me announcing ‘Hi pet, I got fucked tonight’. As well contraception and lack of it were also issues with some me pretending to be bare backed when I had a diaphragm in or was on the pill pretending I wasn’t.
a. He was a very well-travelled man, in fact he’d been to more American states than any of my friends and family. Plus he’s been to all major continents in the world and to most counties throughout Europe.
b. He had many talents and qualifications and could easily have worked at many varied professions or vocations. Though he was prepared to work at anything that would allow him to be with me. His visa though was dependent on us marrying and when I suggested I wanted to wait before getting hitched – that prompted him having to leave Maryland.
c. He still loves me and believes I am his soul mate, he’s admitted this many times to me since we split up. I think if I could convince him how much I love him and am prepared to do to win him back, he would be mine once more.
(ii) Well the timescale is more protracted than you suggest with a lot more men involved. Bob my current husband had an affair with me about a year after I became engaged to Pat, my ex-fiancé. The engagement was put on hold a few times during its life as I pushed the boundaries of my allowed sexual behavior. He knew I was dating Bob in a supposedly horned fashion but one non-negotiable boundary at that point was I would never sleep over with any lover. I was caught out, he phoned my home at 2.00 am and got the baby-sitter who in the end I’d asked to spend the night. I continued to date Bob for a few months but Pat won me back. When the engagement finally ended for good, I dated quite a few absolute deadbeats and it was then I realized what he’d been telling me all along – we are a perfect match for one another on every social and sexual level. We’d get back to great online and phone sex as each loser disappointed me. I got involved again emotionally each time with him until I either asked him where we were going and he said where we were and I broke off contact or I started dating and broke off contact to allow me to work on my new relationship without his influence on me. Continuing cycle until one of those men is Bob, this time I refused to let Pat know who I was dating and after a time I close Pat out of my life totally when Bob proposed to me.
(iii) The only person I would ever cuckold my husband with is my Pat but to be honest if I thought he would come back to me I’d ask Bob to leave, so I’d have a home for Pat to come join me. But I’d sleep with Pat in a heartbeat if I thought I could rather than lose the opportunity of having him again.

Sorry how I answer not sure how ot format like you do.
Ms C

 

[Custer Laststand]

Hi Ms. Smooth.lady,

Thank you for your extended reply, which greatly clarified the whole picture. In the context of everything you've said, your key and most important sentences (IMO) are:

(i) c.) He [Pat, my Irish lover] still loves me and believes I am his soul mate; he’s admitted this many times to me since we split up. I think if I could convince him how much I love him and [how much I] am prepared to do to win him back, he would be mine once more.

I suspect whatever strategy you adopt will need to be based on "proximity" to succeed. By this, I mean you won't be able to rely on steamy e-mail or cell-phone communications again, at least not exclusively, because you and Pat already did that. At this point, I don't think you can expect to return to "go" and start over again.

I also don't think you will be able to rely on Pat coming to Maryland again so you can demonstrate your love and affection, because he already did that and the outcome was not positive. (I think that's a better way to put it than saying "it came to a bad end.") You can't expect him to do something over again that he already did, without success.

Ergo, to demonstrate your passion for Pat and your seriousness about him, I suggest you need to go to Ireland... on vacation, so to speak... and find a quaint and suitably-romantic place to stay that's reasonably near his home or place of work, so the two of you can get together conveniently (taking into account he's now living with his former wife), and talk at length over cups of coffee and pints of beer in pubs with lots of atmosphere, and fuck and do all manner of associated dirty stuff in your room over some more-or-less extended period of time.

I'll guess you have work commitments in Maryland that will make it less than totally easy to get away for trips to Ireland, but I suggest making a strong effort to arrange your work schedule so you can make your first trip to visit Pat something like 1 week... maybe less, but probably not more than that. You want to re-kindle your romance, without becoming saturated with each other and giving him the impression you're overstaying your visit.

By the end of your first visit, you should have a good feeling for "where you stand" with Pat and whether your relationship with him has a future, or alternatively whether he is, in reality, committed to continuing to live with his former wife.

If the outcome of your first "Irish vacation" is positive... i.e., if you feel you have rekindled your romance with Pat, or are on your way to doing so... I suggest planning subsequent "vacations" in Ireland, each one designed to move you farther along toward your goal. I won't suggest anything further, at this point, since you are the one who knows the constraints of your work schedule and the difficulties of arranging travel without your husband. However you manage it, I think this is what you need to do.

There is, of course, no guarantee of a strategy of this nature actually being successful, and it will involve putting your marriage at risk (I gather, from what you've said). But my feeling is, at this point you need to be the one who takes the initiative, takes action and "makes it happen," rather than passively waiting in Maryland for Pat to come on a large white steed, "sweep you off your feet," and gallop away with you as if your life were some sort of grocery-store romance novel. Women today are educated, assertive, and moving up rapidly in business, the professions, and politics... in Europe and many other countries, as well as in the U.S. Now, women get what they want by taking it — and men respect that.

I strongly suspect you'll find that if you become more assertive and take the lead in re-establishing your romance with Pat, that will work to your advantage, will actually turn him on, and he will respond favorably. Be flexible, be prepared to deal with setbacks, and be wily (if necessary), but persist. Do not wait for Pat to come to you; rather, go to him. Your message to him, IMO... while soft, erotic, and seductive... should also be, unmistakably, that you are a strong woman who wants him and "you will not be denied."

—Custer

 

[Custer Laststand]

How are you doing, Ms. Smooth.lady (/Ms. C)...? I hope you and/or your husband or home did not get hit hard in Maryland by hurricane Irene or the associated severe flooding...