Living the Cuckold lifestyle with children at home?

[ffred]

Hi everybody,

we are a happily married coulple in our late fourties and we are living our lifestyle for 10 years. We have 2 children, a son with 25 and a daughter with 21.

During the time our children were living together with us in our house we avoided every action in our home. We did not want to be confronted by our children with questions because we both know from our own experience that for young people it is hard to understand the topics of this lifestyle. So no one of our children noticed anything about our lifestyle.

Then the children moved away even if they are both singles, but with boy-/girlfriend. Now we saw no need to exclude our home from our activities. But now sometimes it happend that our daughter came unanounced for a chat with us in the morning and a strange car was parked in the driveway. We had a hard night so we slept longer and our daughter could not find anyone in the livingroom or kitchen.

We left the bedroon seperated and met in the kitchen. Our daughter had a surprised look on her face but did not mention anything.

2 month later there was a similar situation but this time I slept in the living room on the coach. My daughter had an amused look in her face but once again did not mention anything even when she saw my wife's lover comming into the kitchen together with her mother. 2 days later my daughter phoned my wife and confronted her with a lot of questions. She was not prepared for this kind of questions and in need for good arguments. So the discussion went totally wrong and our daughter was disappointed due to the lack of trust.

In the evening we discussed our situation but could not find a good solution.

Now my question:
Were you ever confronted with a similar situation?
What did you tell your children?

fred

 

[Custer Laststand]

I think you and your wife need to deal with this honestly....

Hi everybody....

Hi Ffred. Welcome. You have posed a good question.

....we are a happily married couple in our late fourties and we are living our lifestyle for 10 years. We have 2 children, a son, 25, and a daughter, 21.

Congratulations for raising your 2 children successfully, and for still being happily married in your late 40's. It sounds like your adulteress wife / cuckold husband lifestyle has contributed to that.

Two months later there was a similar situation but this time I slept in the living room on the coach. My daughter had an amused look in her face but once again did not mention anything even when she saw my wife's lover coming into the kitchen together with her mother. 2 days later my daughter phoned my wife and confronted her with a lot of questions. ....

Your daughter is obviously very curious about her mother taking lovers, apparently with your acquiescence, and would very much like to know about it.

.... She [my wife] was not prepared for these kinds of questions and was in need of good arguments. So the discussion went totally wrong and our daughter was disappointed due to the lack of trust.

Yes, it probably would have been difficult for any cuckoldress to respond adequately to questions of that nature from her daughter, without having thought it through in advance.

In the evening we discussed our situation but could not find a good solution.

I think, though, you and your wife need to deal honestly with this. Your daughter is not a child anymore. She's an adult.

Now my question: Were you ever confronted with a similar situation?

No.

What did you tell your children?

Since I can't give you an answer based on experience, I'll propose an approach. I suggest your wife and you invite your daughter to your home at a time that's mutually convenient, when it's unlikely you'll be interrupted by visitors. Treat her as you would one of your friends — if it's in the evening (probably the best time), serve her a glass of wine, or her preferred drink, and serve the same to yourselves to reduce tension.

Then, let your wife begin the conversation by mentioning your daughter's phone call and her questions — but she should not begin by attempting to answer a laundry list of specific questions (see below). Throughout, let your wife lead but provide supporting comments and agreement when needed — because your daughter will look to your wife to communicate with her on this important subject, and (in essence) justify her and your lifestyle in a way she finds reasonable and acceptable. Throughout, do not argue or bicker with your wife in any way, because that would convey the message to your daughter that you are bitter about your wife taking lovers. I don't think you want her to conclude it is a corrosive influence in your marriage, given — from what you've said — it appears to have been a very positive influence.

More specifically, I suggest your wife explain to your (/her) daughter that you love each other very much; that when you married, you made a commitment to support each other emotionally and financially, and to work together to raise any children you might have — i.e., her and her brother. You became, and have continued to be, life partners.

But, about 10 years ago you came to a realization that, even though you love each other, it was becoming difficult to maintain a sexually intense — or "interesting and intriguing" — relationship, while forcing yourselves to remain sexually exclusive to each other and excluding all others. So, you decided to experiment with expanding your sexual horizons to other people. [Your wife, with supporting comments from you as needed, should fill in a "reasonable amount of detail" regarding how the two of you came to have a hot wife / cuckold husband relationship, in which your wife enjoys a variety of lovers while you remain faithful. Or, if that isn't exactly the nature of your marriage, she should fill in some detail as to how your relationship evolved to its present form.]

Finally, I suggest your wife conclude, with support from you, by emphasizing that her taking lovers has not adversely affected her deeper love for you, nor yours for her. Rather, it has strengthened your marriage by providing her with continuing sexual satisfaction and the emotional stimulation of interaction with other men, while also providing you with a much more intense sexual dimension. This has increased your respect for her, because you are ****** to acknowledge she is a competent woman fully capable of attracting other men. It has induced feelings of satisfaction for you, because your wife being sexed by her lovers provides her with heightened satisfaction it is no longer realistic for you to provide. Thus, there is no need for you to worry that you are "failing to satisfy her" in any way. In other words, it is no longer "entirely up to you" to satisfy your wife, because she is free to seek her own sexual satisfaction, and she does. That has benefited both of you.

Eventually — perhaps not immediately, but sooner or later — I would guess your daughter will establish a marriage for herself in which she, like her mother, will make her husband her cuckold. In taking the above approach, I suggest your and your wife's goal should be to get her off on the right foot.

Later, I suggest inviting your son to your home for an analogous conversation in which, however, you should take the lead, similarly supported by agreement and comments from your wife as needed.

Best regards—

Custer

 

[ffred]

Maybe a little more background is needed

Hi Custer,

thank you very much for your quick reply. I did not answer immediately because I wanted to discuss this subject with Nadine (my wife) first, before responding.

First of all I want to introduce myself before going on with this subject because I did not do it when I subscribed. I thought I am only a passive member so it would not be necessary. Now I am in the middle of a serious discussion so in my opinion I should do that.

As mentioned we are both 48 and married for approx. 25 years. As you can see we married in a young age and also had our children very early. When we were young, fidelity was one of our top priorities in our married life and we both lived according our developed rules, 100% fidelity.

When we became older and our children grew, we looked for situations to spice up our married live and I found out that I was attracted when other men looked at my wife. We discussed that in a very open way and I saw that also Nadine enjoyed the attention other men gave her. One thing let to another and I made the proposal to try a game that she flirted with a strange man in a bar and I would watch from the other side. That went very well and we both enjoyed it.

Then we reached a limit where Nadine said it is very hard to flirt with men, partly very sympatic, and then she has to push down their advances. Then the time came and we discussed about her sleeping with other men. We discussed this issue for 5 years and decided to give it a try. Nearly all our adventures were positive for both of us and we like to live this lifestyle.

We always say that living a successful cuckold lifestyle a really or better excelent relationship to each other is needed.

Back to the issue:
First fidelity had a high priority, now we life the oposite, the cuckold lifestyle. In discussions with our children we saw that they have the same priorities. Fidelity is a must, more, they have discussions after going out, if one partner was eyed by a stranger in a disco or bar, the other gets a little jealously. So we always tried to hide our lifestyle because we thought in this stage of life they would not understand.

Last evening I discussed this issue with Nadine and she told me that she feels uncomfortable because she did not answer the questions of our daughter in a right way. I showed her this thread and your answer and we started a discussion if our dauhter will understand our pro arguments of this lifestyle. At the end we decided, even if she will not fully understand our arguments we will try to find a way to discuss it in an open and honest way.

We agree with you that she is not a child any more and that she should understand if we lead the discussion in a way you described.

If you are interested in I will post the outcome of our discussion.

Thank you once again for your helpful reply

best regards

fred

PS: I think you saw that I am not a native speaker but hope everything is readable.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Yes, I would find it very worthwhile to hear the outcome....

Hi Fred,

As mentioned, we are both 48 and married for approx. 25 years. ....

Congratulations again to you and your wife for your long and successful marriage.

We discussed this issue for 5 years and decided to give it a try. Nearly all our adventures were positive for both of us and we like to live this lifestyle. ....

That's good to hear.

.... We always say that to live a successful cuckold lifestyle, an excellent relationship with each other is needed.

Yes, I think so.

Last evening I discussed this issue with Nadine and she told me that she feels uncomfortable because she did not answer the questions of our daughter in a right way. I showed her this thread and your answer and we started a discussion if our dauhter will understand our pro arguments of this lifestyle. At the end we decided, even if she will not fully understand our arguments we will try to find a way to discuss it in an open and honest way.

It's good to hear you thought my comments were constructive enough to show them to Nadine. And yes, I think talking openly and honestly with your daughter is the way forward.

We agree with you that she is not a child any more and that she should understand if we lead the discussion in the way you described.

Children, including grown children, usually know what's going on in their own homes. If you try to hide the nature of your cuckold marriage from your daughter, she will think less of you for attempting to conceal the truth and for not accepting her as an adult capable of communicating honestly with you about things that matter.

If you are interested, I will post the outcome of our discussion.

Yes, I am interested in hearing how it goes and how your daughter responds. I'd appreciate it if you would post again. I imagine others would also.

Thank you once again for your helpful reply.

You're welcome. It's been a pleasure to "talk" with you.

PS: I think you saw that I am not a native speaker but hope everything is readable.

Your grammatical construction and use of the English language is more than readable; it's excellent. I wish I could say the same about my knowledge of German, but unfortunately I can't come anywhere close.

Best wishes to you, Nadine, and your daughter and son as well—

Custer

 

[I created a Monster]

We bypass this by never doing anything when the kids are home,but with you you don't know when one will show up ! Good Luck

 

[ffred]

Talk with daughter

Hi,

this weekend our daughter and her bf came for a visit. First we had problems to speak with her alone but later it was possible. She will come over alone for a discussion with us on Thursday evening. She asked for the reason for this discussion and my wife mentioned without any emotions that she felt we have to talk about family internal issues.

She agreed and we will see what will happen. If you are interested in the outcome of this discussion I will post it.

fred

 

[creampieguyau]

I would like to hear the outcome

G'day Fred,

Interesting post, certainly is of an interest to myself, so please keep us updated.

As for your comment about not being of native tongue, I thought you wrote very well, honestly without your comment I would have missed it all together, even with your comment I still think your grammar is of a higher standard than most on this site.

Regards

Rob

 

[Custer Laststand]

Hi Fred,

.... She [our daughter] will come over alone for a discussion with us on Thursday evening. .... My wife mentioned without any emotions that she felt we have to talk about family internal issues.

She agreed and we will see what will happen. If you are interested in the outcome of this discussion I will post it.

Sounds like you and your wife are moving forward. I remain interested in how your discussion with your daughter goes, including her responses, and the outcome.

Best regards—

Custer

 

[irfreak700]

For what it is worth...

Dear ffred,

For what it is worth, allow me to offer a different perspective to answer your question. My parents engaged in this lifestyle. My mom confessed this to me early in my life (perhaps too early). But I know, that I am a cuckold myself. This turns me on. It did back then, it does today.

And I am well aware how taboo this topic is to a lot of people. I don't know a thing about your daughter, but it sounds as if she might not understand this "kink" or lifestyle - whatever you would call it.

I am not encouraging you to lie to her. But it sounds like the cat may be out of the preverbal bag. 21 is still a tender age. Deep down, she wants to believe the best about her parents.

I think you accentuate the positives here. Show her that you love your wife - her mom. Reassure her that you and her mom love one another - and ideally that is all that should matter as far as she is concerned. The intimate details of your sex life is really none of her business. Bottom line is, what goes on in your bedroom between two or more consenting adults of any race or sex is none of anyone else's "fucking" business (unless they're paying you lots of money to watch).

Seriously though, I think that what she might be worrying about the most is "is mom and dad getting a divorce". If not, show her the answer is "NO". But stop there. Because the whole truth might freak her out.

irfreak

 

[ffred]

Hi irfreak,

thank you for your interesting answer. For me it is always nice to hear different opinions, also comming from the oposite direction.

As I told you before, we (me and my wife) were discussing this issue up and down and tried also to prepare for all directions the discussion may go. So we should be possible to stop the discussion at any stage without loosing our faces when we see that the talk will go in a wrong direction.

And I am well aware how taboo this topic is to a lot of people. I don't know a thing about your daughter, but it sounds as if she might not understand this "kink" or lifestyle - whatever you would call it.

I am not encouraging you to lie to her.
irfreak

That is the most important issue. Should we honest with her? Should we lie to her?

That we have to find out during the talk. Maybe we have to change direction during discussion, if we see that she will not follow some of our arguments because her definition of fidelity is totally different from our definition? Nobody knows today.

BUT we saw that the fragments of our lifestyle she was able to witness are open for a lot of speculations, so maybe she is confused and thinking in another way than we expect?

That was the main reason we decided to talk.

But it sounds like the cat may be out of the preverbal bag. 21 is still a tender age. Deep down, she wants to believe the best about her parents.
irfreak

If this will be the case we have to change our strategy on a short notice.

I think you accentuate the positives here. Show her that you love your wife - her mom. Reassure her that you and her mom love one another - and ideally that is all that should matter as far as she is concerned. The intimate details of your sex life is really none of her business. Bottom line is, what goes on in your bedroom between two or more consenting adults of any race or sex is none of anyone else's "fucking" business (unless they're paying you lots of money to watch).
irfreak

That is our strategy to explain her that we love each other deeply. BUT in our opinion we have to add some information because we think that otherwise she will not believe us. Rembember back my previous posts, she saw a strange man in a very clear stage in our living room and kitchen.

Honestly speaking: Do you think she will believe us when she saw this man in our house and it was obvious that something happend without having additional information? For me that sounds like we found a strategy to cover my wife's cheating habbit.

Seriously though, I think that what she might be worrying about the most is "is mom and dad getting a divorce". If not, show her the answer is "NO". But stop there. Because the whole truth might freak her out.
irfreak

During discussion we have to sort out how far we can go without her freaking out. In my opinion we are well prepared for this discussion.

But anyway, as said at the beginning, thank you very much for letting us know your point of view.

fred

 

[irfreak700]

The Very Best

Hi ffred,

I wish you the very best in this. Like I said, you know your daughter better than I. In addition, it sounds as if she may have already connected a few dots.

I just would say (what you've already basically said that you're doing), proceed with caution. And I am with you. I wouldn't lie to her. That will cause her to lose respect for you faster than anything.

My point is this though (and you may feel differently), she isn't entitled to the intimate details of your marriage. In fact, I would turn the tables and start asking her about her sex life - NOT that you really want to know, but to make a strong point - it's none of her business.

That advice may not be very popular with folks, but that's how I feel. Good thing I am not a parent, right?

Anyway ffred, best of luck. You sound like an intelligent guy and again, you know your daughter's threshold for "weirdness" much better than I. I hope everything works out. And by the way, if you really do live this lifestyle, I applaud you for it. I wish to be that lucky (well, maybe not the explaining it to my kids part - but the other fun stuff).

 

[ffred]

Discussion with our daughter

Hi all,

as promised I want to let you know about the outcome of the discussion with our daughter.

Yesterday late afternoon our daughter arrived in a good mood, went in the house and greeted us in a very open way. Her name is Birgit and she is now 21 year old. She is much taller compared to her mother and very slim with long legs. A real beauty you can say.

She sat at the table and after some words of welcome my wife Nadine opened the discussion:

“Birgit, we are happy that you find time today, able to visit us, because we want to sort out some things you saw, and we think there is too much space for own interpretation and speculation from your side, which we want to avoid.”

Birgit interrupted and shoot back: “OK; if you want we can sort this out. But what I saw was obvious and there is nothing I can see about interpretation, you cheated on father.”

“Young lady, it is not as easy as you tell it now, it is much more complicated. That is the reason we proposed an open discussion about it.”, my wife fired back.

I proposed to calm down a little, because otherwise we will not have a result at the end.

Then my wife continued: “Birgit look, I love your father, my husband with all my heart but there are some things we decided to let you know……….”

Birgit interrupted once more: “And that is the reason you decided to show your love to father in a way fucking strange men. A curious way to show your love to your husband.”

“Young lady, please be careful with your arguments, use your brain before you use your tongue. We can talk about it in a way adults are used to talk but with your interruptions and prejudiced arguments it seems that an open discussion is not possible. In this case it would be better to stop now.”

Birgit calmed down, saw her mother in her face and said: “Sorry, I will not interrupt any more and I would like to hear your arguments.”

Then my wife told her that we are deeply in love with each other and we have to divide between love and entertainment, in this case pure sex. Then she told her that everything what happened between us (me and her) was in total consent between both of us, involved in it.

Birgit listened to the arguments of Nadine and did not interrupt any more. When Nadine was ready with her explanations I saw in Birgit’s eyes confusion and I motivated her to ask questions if she did not understand any details from the report, Nadine gave her. There was a period of silence in the room and Birgit turned to Nadine and asked: “There are more things I do not understand but let me start with my main question. How is it possible that you love each other deeply, as you explained before and I can also see, and on the other side you have sex with other man/men?”

“Look, I like to have sex with men who take leadership during the play. I like it if someone has dominant tendencies and does things on the spur of the moment, not asking for a long time if I like it or not. Please understand me right, this has nothing to do with the classic BDSM lifestyle, this is only related to the distribution of different roles in the bedroom. Your father is also kind of submissive and is not able to take leadership. After long discussions and these discussions were initiated by your father and not me, we decided to give it a try and look for some possible adventures. We started and after the first adventures we saw that we liked it very much and once more, everything was done in full consent.”

My daughter looked wide eyed and listened to the report of her mother. After some time she asked: “Does that mean that you do not have sex with father any more?” We both looked surprised and Nadine answered: ”That is not right. I have also sex with your father but maybe in a different style and direction.”

“What do you do with other men, what you do not do with father?” was her next question.

Her mother answered: “What I do with whom and when and where is non of your business but believe me, there are some things where your father is the very best of all men I have seen.”

Nadine wanted to avoid that the discussion is going into the direction of sex but Birgit had many questions related to this area. Then she mentioned that she would like to talk to her mother about our lifestyle but did not feel well in my presence. I left the room and mother and daughter continued their talk without my presence. After half an hour Birgit and Nadine came out and joined me in the living room. We talked about other things and never came back to our agenda we discussed at the beginning.

When Birgit left my wife told me that Birgit asked once more about the different sex with me and other man but Nadine did not explain to her the details. But later she wanted to know everything about our lifestyle, how her mother liked it, what are the best things and so on. She also asked what is in for me, where my fun begins and why I enjoyed this lifestyle also. At the end Birgit told Nadine that she must think about it for some time but at least she understands now our motivation and she is also lucky that everything we do is in full consent.

At the end I must say that I could not expect more from this talk.

If there are any comments I would like to hear them. If there are questions feel free to ask!

fred

 

[ffred]

Continuation

Yesterday, on a nice sunday we went out together with our daughter and her bf. Beside the fun we had I could see that the discussion had also some positive effects.

First it was clearly seen that the relationship between daughter and mother improved a lot. Also when I was playing a game of pool with her bf I could see that Nadine had a funny conversation with our daughter. Later Nadine told me that they were checking out strange men and tried to evaluate their hidden qualities as lovers.

So in my opinion we did the right step, being very open with her. But I would not recomment this as a general solution.

fred

 

[Custer Laststand]

Sounds like an entirely satisfactory outcome....

Hi Fred,

Thanks for your interesting summary of your wife Nadine's and your discussion with your daughter Birgit. It's good to hear the outcome was positive.

.... Her name is Birgit and she is now 21 year old. She is much taller compared to her mother and very slim with long legs. A real beauty you can say.

Congratulations for having such an attractive daughter. She takes after Nadine and you, no doubt....

.... Birgit interrupted and shot back: “OK; if you want we can sort this out. But what I saw was obvious and there is nothing I can see about interpretation, you cheated on father.”

“Young lady, it is not as easy as you tell it now, it is much more complicated. That is the reason we proposed an open discussion about it,” my wife fired back.

Good reply. Your wife handled it well.

I proposed to calm down a little, because otherwise we will not have a result at the end.

Excellent.... you provided Nadine with good support.

Then my wife continued: “Birgit look, I love your father, my husband with all my heart but there are some things we decided to let you know……….”

Birgit interrupted once more: “And that is the reason you decided to show your love to father in a way fucking strange men. A curious way to show your love to your husband.”

“Young lady, please be careful with your arguments, use your brain before you use your tongue. We can talk about it in a way adults are used to talk but with your interruptions and prejudiced arguments it seems that an open discussion is not possible. In this case it would be better to stop now.”

Birgit calmed down, looked her mother in her face and said: “Sorry, I will not interrupt any more and I would like to hear your arguments.”

Excellent. Nadine avoided anger, and handled her daughter very effectively.

Then my wife told her that we are deeply in love with each other and we have to divide between love and entertainment, in this case pure sex. Then she told her that everything what happened between us (me and her) was in total consent between both of us, involved in it.

Birgit listened to the arguments of Nadine and did not interrupt any more. When Nadine was ready with her explanations I saw in Birgit’s eyes confusion and I motivated her to ask questions if she did not understand any details from the report Nadine gave her. There was a period of silence in the room and Birgit turned to Nadine and asked: “There are more things I do not understand but let me start with my main question. How is it possible that you love each other deeply, as you explained before and I can also see, and on the other side you have sex with other man/men?”

A very reasonable question from your daughter....

“Look, I like to have sex with men who take leadership during the play. I like it if someone has dominant tendencies and does things on the spur of the moment, not asking for a long time if I like it or not. Please understand me right, this has nothing to do with the classic BDSM lifestyle, this is only related to the distribution of different roles in the bedroom. Your father is also kind of submissive and is not able to take leadership. After long discussions and these discussions were initiated by your father and not me, we decided to give it a try and look for some possible adventures. We started and after the first adventures we saw that we liked it very much and once more, everything was done in full consent.”

My daughter looked wide eyed and listened to the report of her mother. After some time she asked: “Does that mean that you do not have sex with father any more?” We both looked surprised and Nadine answered: ”That is not right. I have also sex with your father but maybe in a different style and direction.”

“What do you do with other men, what you do not do with father?” was her next question.

Her mother answered: “What I do with whom and when and where is non of your business but believe me, there are some things where your father is the very best of all men I have seen.”

All very good answers....

Nadine wanted to avoid that the discussion is going into the direction of sex but Birgit had many questions related to this area. Then she mentioned that she would like to talk to her mother about our lifestyle but did not feel well in my presence.

Ah.... time for a mother/daughter conversation. By this time you had played your role, however, which was (i) to support Nadine when Birgit tried to "give her trouble," and (ii) convince Birgit, through your presence and supportive comments, that you and Nadine are in full agreement and, in effect, are partners with respect to Nadine's extramarital sexual ventures.

I left the room and mother and daughter continued their talk without my presence. After half an hour Birgit and Nadine came out and joined me in the living room. We talked about other things and never came back to our agenda we discussed at the beginning.

Sounds like Nadine brought her discussion with Birgit to a successful conclusion.

When Birgit left my wife told me that Birgit asked once more about the different sex with me and other man but Nadine did not explain to her the details. But later she wanted to know everything about our lifestyle, how her mother liked it, what are the best things and so on. She also asked what is in for me, where my fun begins and why I enjoyed this lifestyle also. At the end Birgit told Nadine that she must think about it for some time but at least she understands now our motivation and she is also lucky that everything we do is in full consent.

At the end I must say that I could not expect more from this talk.

Birgit was *very* curious about what her mother was doing because, at her age, she is trying to come to terms with the concept of living as a married woman. She thought she knew how, but it turned out she didn't. Through your example, Nadine and you provided her with an illustration of a satisfying and appropriate way for a married woman to live that Birgit thought was fundamentally wrong. By meeting with her, treating her as an adult and speaking honestly with her, Nadine and you were able to convince her that your wife taking lovers is a satisfying form of marriage for her, as well as for you, and — by implication — will be for Birgit as well, when she finds the right man to marry.

The outcome of Nadine's and your discussion with Birgit sounds entirely satisfactory.

—Custer

 

[Custer Laststand]

The outcome was very positive re. Birgit's long-term futue as a married woman.

Fred,

Thanks for the followup.

Yesterday, on a nice Sunday we went out together with our daughter and her bf. Beside the fun we had I could see that the discussion had also some positive effects.

Good....

First it was clearly seen that the relationship between daughter and mother improved a lot. Also when I was playing a game of pool with her bf I could see that Nadine had a funny conversation with our daughter. Later Nadine told me that they were checking out strange men and tried to evaluate their hidden qualities as lovers.

Normally, single grown children live in different universes from their parents. A young woman like Birgit is concerned with men, and sex, and love, and she thought her parents had long ago "solved" all those sexually-charged and highly-interesting "relationship problems," and had long been living together in a staid, stable, "fixed" relationship — i.e., not at all like her own dynamic life. Then, she discovered — to her shock — that her mother had a lover. Not only that, her parents then accepted her as a "fellow adult," and explained it all to her in a way that made sense, such that she was able to accept it.

As a result, birgit now views her mother as an interesting and passionate "fellow woman" (so to speak), who has the same intense feelings of attraction toward men she has.... someone with whom she can share secrets about men, instead of someone she has to hide her secrets from.

So in my opinion we did the right step, being very open with her.

Yes — there is no doubt, in my opinion, that you and Nadine "did the right thing."

But I would not recommend this as a general solution.

I would say the opposite. When a married couple has a "hot wife / cuckold husband" relationship, and also has children, it is necessary to explain the nature of their relationship to them — individually — when the time is right. Birgit made it clear to you when the time was right. She made it a point to discover Nadine with her lover, at a time when you were also home, and began asking questions. It would have been increasingly destructive to your family relationships if Nadine and you had tried to pretend to Birgit that the nature of your marriage was something other than what it was. You did it in a very positive way, that will almost certainly be beneficial to Birgit's long-term future as a married woman.... as well as her future relationship with Nadine and you.

Best wishes to you, Nadine, and Birgit as well—

Custer

 

[Eno]

"Birgit was *very* curious about what her mother was doing because, at her age, she is trying to come to terms with the concept of living as a married woman. She thought she knew how, but it turned out she didn't. Through your example, Nadine and you provided her with an illustration of a satisfying and appropriate way for a married woman to live that Birgit thought was fundamentally wrong...Nadine and you were able to convince her that your wife taking lovers is a satisfying form of marriage for her, as well as for you, and — by implication — will be for Birgit as well, when she finds the right man to marry."

I second Custer Laststand's opinion wholeheartedly!
It is a known fact that sooner or later, most if not all women will have sex outside marriage simply because it is embedded in their psyche, and I do not see why both females and males could not be made aware of that as from a relatively young age.

In this time of increasing divorces, a woman should feel confident that her extramarital flings will actually strengthen rather than harm her marriage - provided she does not need to go behind her husband's back because he is well motivated, and knows right from the start
* that it is a natural need she needs to fulfil,
* that it does not mean she does not love him,
* that it does not warrant any flirtatious behavior let alone extramarital sex on his side.

So I think you did a great job by being open and honest to your daughter. Having noticed that her parents are still deeply in love with eachother will convey to her the message that cuckolding is an honorable lifestyle which one day she may want to pursue herself.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Well said, Eno.

—Custer

 

[Mugzie69]

Trust and Respect

By broaching this situation at all, you have shown your daughter both trust and respect. You have trusted her with things you would not express in public. By so doing, you relate to her as an adult. That you both enjoy this should be enough. She should appreciate the respect and openness that you have shown her. You honored her. She might do the same.

 

[ffred]

Relationship between mother and daughter

Hi,

first of all thanks for your nice, supportive and open comments. I have to tell you about our development at home after our talk.

The relationship between Nadine and Birgit was always a very good one but it changed drastically since the talk we had last week. Now Birgit is phoning her mother every evening on a daily basis. They chat for longer times on the phone but not in a way they did in the past. Now they chat more like girlfriends. Every evening I see a smiling face of Nadine and she is alwaysvery happy to have this open and honest relationship even if she knows that this can lead in a situation where Nadine has to tell more about our relationship than she originally wanted to do.

Yesterday evening Birgit suggested that they should go out together maybe a kind of "girls night out". Nadine smiled all over her face and I was surprised. They decided to go out next Thursday. What do we have to expect? Does Birgit want to hear more details about her parents' sex life?

In the evening I had a long talk with Nadine. Other than me she is not suspicious, she is very happy about the new found relationship. I tried to create some possible szenarios like "What will you do if.........."

She laughed about my curiosity and pessimism and told me we went a very strange way to open up partly against our daughter so it should not be a big deal if she wants to have some additional information about our lifestyle.

I will keep you informed if there are new developments to report.

Ciao
fred

 

[Eno]

Isn't it significant that in spite of her earlier convictions your daughter has so rapidly come to respect you for being a cuckold?

So since she feels that way, why wouldn't you let her have all details, all ins and outs? That should help her to make a sound decision on the type of stable partnership she will want for herself, so you certainly did well by going with your wife's decision. You as her parents are indeed the most trustworthy source of information she could dream of.