So, here's the basic rundown on my situation and why I'm posting it here. My wife and I can't have a biological kid right now due to financial concerns, (I've got sperm banked, but it'll be years before we can afford IVF), and we're considering our options. I hadn't been opposed to using a sperm donor for our first kid, or even somebody else's kids, (we're close friends with a gay couple who'll be using her as a surrogate in a couple years), but she recently told me she wants donation via natural insemination, meaning sex with a donor. She's meeting with a prospect as I write this. I feel really flighty when I think about that. Like I'm standing at the at the edge of a huge drop, staring down.
Why can't I knock her up, you might be asking. Well, due to the fact that I'm a transgendered gal who's been on hormones for the last three years, I'm shooting blanks. That's the price you pay for being happy and sexy, which I am. Wife and I have been dating me for five years, popped a ring on me a year ago, we got married when it went legal in our state. That's the abbreviated history of our relationship, and the quick and dirty of my unique situation.
Back to what's going on now, I feel really conflicted about this, because I know it won't be just a one time thing for her, because she really wants the whole donor thing to be really open, which means she'll be staying in contact with the donor, and I know she's never wanted NSA sex, so there's likely going to be a relationship between the two of them. Also, up until now I've always been the end-all-be-all best lay of her life, everyone before was either too inept or too boring. I really don't like the thought of having somebody else challenge that role.
At the same time, I understand this whole process has been hard for her. She's bisexual, but she fell in love with me as a guy, and now that I'm not one she might be missing some of those things. Getting on hormones hasn't made me any worse at changing tires and making love, but there's an energy of desire very unique to males that leaves once you replace testosterone with estrogen. I've dated guys before, and I know what it's like to be the subject of that desire, and I know what it's like to miss it. I also can't really fault her for wanting to experience a natural motherhood, from conception to birth. I've got the worst case of baby crazy you've ever seen, and I know if I had the right setup downstairs I'd definitely be a mom myself right now. I don't feel like she would leave me if I flat out said no, but I don't want to be the reason she has regrets when she's older. I'm going to get a drink and then continue typing.
Glenmorangie makes a good scotch. Anyways. So I'm dumping this huge chunk of words on here, because I need somewhere to vent. I'm the type of girl who doesn't think about the important stuff unless she talks about it, and since I've got no one to talk to about this, I'm going somewhere anonymous and non-judgemental. Kinky forums are both, and given what's going on right now I thought it was a little pertinent to this one. I don't expect advice. I really just need to get this stuff out.
Speaking of which, she's on a date now. With a sperm donor. Someone she met through a friend at work. As far as anyone knows, and if any of our friends ask, I'm there too, because we're not leaking the details of how the insemination is happening. Wonder if they'll pick up on it if a relationship develops between the two of them. He's a med student who's studying pediatrics, and attractive from what I know. However he pans out nothing's going to happen tonight, but the fact that she's going on dates now twists me up inside.
Why can't I knock her up, you might be asking. Well, due to the fact that I'm a transgendered gal who's been on hormones for the last three years, I'm shooting blanks. That's the price you pay for being happy and sexy, which I am. Wife and I have been dating me for five years, popped a ring on me a year ago, we got married when it went legal in our state. That's the abbreviated history of our relationship, and the quick and dirty of my unique situation.
Back to what's going on now, I feel really conflicted about this, because I know it won't be just a one time thing for her, because she really wants the whole donor thing to be really open, which means she'll be staying in contact with the donor, and I know she's never wanted NSA sex, so there's likely going to be a relationship between the two of them. Also, up until now I've always been the end-all-be-all best lay of her life, everyone before was either too inept or too boring. I really don't like the thought of having somebody else challenge that role.
At the same time, I understand this whole process has been hard for her. She's bisexual, but she fell in love with me as a guy, and now that I'm not one she might be missing some of those things. Getting on hormones hasn't made me any worse at changing tires and making love, but there's an energy of desire very unique to males that leaves once you replace testosterone with estrogen. I've dated guys before, and I know what it's like to be the subject of that desire, and I know what it's like to miss it. I also can't really fault her for wanting to experience a natural motherhood, from conception to birth. I've got the worst case of baby crazy you've ever seen, and I know if I had the right setup downstairs I'd definitely be a mom myself right now. I don't feel like she would leave me if I flat out said no, but I don't want to be the reason she has regrets when she's older. I'm going to get a drink and then continue typing.
Glenmorangie makes a good scotch. Anyways. So I'm dumping this huge chunk of words on here, because I need somewhere to vent. I'm the type of girl who doesn't think about the important stuff unless she talks about it, and since I've got no one to talk to about this, I'm going somewhere anonymous and non-judgemental. Kinky forums are both, and given what's going on right now I thought it was a little pertinent to this one. I don't expect advice. I really just need to get this stuff out.
Speaking of which, she's on a date now. With a sperm donor. Someone she met through a friend at work. As far as anyone knows, and if any of our friends ask, I'm there too, because we're not leaking the details of how the insemination is happening. Wonder if they'll pick up on it if a relationship develops between the two of them. He's a med student who's studying pediatrics, and attractive from what I know. However he pans out nothing's going to happen tonight, but the fact that she's going on dates now twists me up inside.
