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Not sure what more I can say except to say that I sort of understand how she is feeling and what she wants. I'm also not as convinced as she made it sound that she's not going to want some loving with me this weekend - while she may feel cold about it right now, I suspect that come Sunday night, she may likely feel otherwise.
I know both of you are again pointing out the gloom and doom - as though the world is coming to an end because she wants a hot weekend away with her bf. Maybe it's me and I just don't know it or feel it, but right now, it feels exciting to me to see and hear her able to tell me what she would like to do and feel. I've been chatting elsewhere at times and others have pointed out and asked me how it feels to have shared her sexually now for so long and I guess maybe that's part of it, that the sex itself or how we have it together isn't what seems to be at the core of what I need with her. Of course I'd like to have sex with her at some point over the next week, but at the same time I can so understand her wanting that time to build up for her to be away with Paul. And yes, when she's away, I already know what I'm going to feel - and that's maybe what you can't understand - I want to feel that. I can't explain it but I'm hard thinking about it already, knowing that she'll be so hot and horny for him.
Regarding what she said about condoms, I had to admit to myself but I have been surprised that she's allowed me the few times so far without using one so that also didn't totally surprise me. And, I'm thinking that some of her thoughts were that if she's seeing Paul less, that I am not surprised she'd ask me to use them more.
I agree with you that likely by the time she gets back from being away with him, that I will feel a more urgent and pressing need to be physically with her. I am hoping that she'll "be in the mood" when she gets back but I also know in the back of my mind that I may be waiting till a week from Monday for my next time to have sex with her. And yes, you're correct - I am looking forward to that and yes, you're correct - and this I believe even she knows - that I will NEED to have sex with her before she sees him again after they get back. So perhaps you have pointed out what I've been aware of now, that I do have needs that I will need to satisfy and perhaps that is a last vestige of my former alpha-self, that this is one thing I do need and as I said, I think she's quite aware of it - but as you pointed out - perhaps my reminding her of this is a good thing right now.
I know both of you are again pointing out the gloom and doom - as though the world is coming to an end because she wants a hot weekend away with her bf. Maybe it's me and I just don't know it or feel it, but right now, it feels exciting to me to see and hear her able to tell me what she would like to do and feel. I've been chatting elsewhere at times and others have pointed out and asked me how it feels to have shared her sexually now for so long and I guess maybe that's part of it, that the sex itself or how we have it together isn't what seems to be at the core of what I need with her. Of course I'd like to have sex with her at some point over the next week, but at the same time I can so understand her wanting that time to build up for her to be away with Paul. And yes, when she's away, I already know what I'm going to feel - and that's maybe what you can't understand - I want to feel that. I can't explain it but I'm hard thinking about it already, knowing that she'll be so hot and horny for him.
Regarding what she said about condoms, I had to admit to myself but I have been surprised that she's allowed me the few times so far without using one so that also didn't totally surprise me. And, I'm thinking that some of her thoughts were that if she's seeing Paul less, that I am not surprised she'd ask me to use them more.
I agree with you that likely by the time she gets back from being away with him, that I will feel a more urgent and pressing need to be physically with her. I am hoping that she'll "be in the mood" when she gets back but I also know in the back of my mind that I may be waiting till a week from Monday for my next time to have sex with her. And yes, you're correct - I am looking forward to that and yes, you're correct - and this I believe even she knows - that I will NEED to have sex with her before she sees him again after they get back. So perhaps you have pointed out what I've been aware of now, that I do have needs that I will need to satisfy and perhaps that is a last vestige of my former alpha-self, that this is one thing I do need and as I said, I think she's quite aware of it - but as you pointed out - perhaps my reminding her of this is a good thing right now.
I don't believe she needs reminding, other than the casual mention of it I haven't pushed her or reminded her but at the same time I have no reason to think she isn't minding it. When I said I would remind her I wasn't intending on doing it in an explicit manner but in a more sexy way. I know that both you and Peak are thinking that she's immediately gone back to her old ways where she's going to not be aware or attentive to my needs which I think we all know and understand rise during times like this.
Steve,
I don't think I said nor did I wish to imply a return to doom and gloom. It does seem a bit harsh to me that Sue would use the illness of her father to justify greater attention to Paul than yourself but if that excites you both then enjoy it. Equally if Sue wishes a long build up for you to the away weekend and you find that exciting too, then enjoy that too. I'm pretty sure it won't be a denial for her before they go away but that's her choice.
All this is very much similar to your thoughts and postings before the fateful ski weekend. You seem to forget in your excitement how you actually felt after the event. The denial builds tension. If longer or if it includes things like the weekend away or long periods of condom only use then it needs a proportionate release. We have seen that such a release for you can be sexual but a big release (and this one will be) also needs a bit emotional bonding from Sue to you. Indeed, that is probably the most important element. So the issue is not whether Sue is right to plan the next two weeks as she has, nor whether you will find them exciting. Clearly you should do, and you will. The issue is the nature, content, sincerity and enthusiasm of Sue's return and reconnection. If it goes as last time, then deep doom and gloom could follow. No lessons learned and no promises kept. Fool me twice and all that. On the other hand, if Sue puts as much energy and love into her final reconnection as she does into the lust she will undoubtedly consume in her weekend away then all will be well and further events of a similar nature could well follow. Your hints may help but in truth it's all in Sue's hands. Of course not knowing how she will be just adds to the cuckold angst and excitement beforehand for you. I just hope it works out.
I don't think I said nor did I wish to imply a return to doom and gloom. It does seem a bit harsh to me that Sue would use the illness of her father to justify greater attention to Paul than yourself but if that excites you both then enjoy it. Equally if Sue wishes a long build up for you to the away weekend and you find that exciting too, then enjoy that too. I'm pretty sure it won't be a denial for her before they go away but that's her choice.
All this is very much similar to your thoughts and postings before the fateful ski weekend. You seem to forget in your excitement how you actually felt after the event. The denial builds tension. If longer or if it includes things like the weekend away or long periods of condom only use then it needs a proportionate release. We have seen that such a release for you can be sexual but a big release (and this one will be) also needs a bit emotional bonding from Sue to you. Indeed, that is probably the most important element. So the issue is not whether Sue is right to plan the next two weeks as she has, nor whether you will find them exciting. Clearly you should do, and you will. The issue is the nature, content, sincerity and enthusiasm of Sue's return and reconnection. If it goes as last time, then deep doom and gloom could follow. No lessons learned and no promises kept. Fool me twice and all that. On the other hand, if Sue puts as much energy and love into her final reconnection as she does into the lust she will undoubtedly consume in her weekend away then all will be well and further events of a similar nature could well follow. Your hints may help but in truth it's all in Sue's hands. Of course not knowing how she will be just adds to the cuckold angst and excitement beforehand for you. I just hope it works out.
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Steve,
As always it is good to read your very details posting. As you know I am not one of the “gloom and doom” guys that provide you with the warnings which are areas of considerations in every relationship or situation. I have always said that as long as you both maintain a truly open, honest and healthy level of communication were each of you can be truly expressive to each other than you both should enjoy your journey. You have reached that point were even you have indicated that the sexual contact in itself or how you have it together isn't what seems to be at the core of what you need with her. You are truly reaching that point that I mentioned to you some time back when I described my own relationship and how it compares to what you have shared.
I would recommend that you find what it is that bonds you, what form of sexual contact you need to maintain that side of your connection. Ensure your connection remains strong in your own way as a couple and yes have that time of reconnection when she returns from her trip away with Paul.
Enjoy the journey and this time in your life.
As always it is good to read your very details posting. As you know I am not one of the “gloom and doom” guys that provide you with the warnings which are areas of considerations in every relationship or situation. I have always said that as long as you both maintain a truly open, honest and healthy level of communication were each of you can be truly expressive to each other than you both should enjoy your journey. You have reached that point were even you have indicated that the sexual contact in itself or how you have it together isn't what seems to be at the core of what you need with her. You are truly reaching that point that I mentioned to you some time back when I described my own relationship and how it compares to what you have shared.
I would recommend that you find what it is that bonds you, what form of sexual contact you need to maintain that side of your connection. Ensure your connection remains strong in your own way as a couple and yes have that time of reconnection when she returns from her trip away with Paul.
Enjoy the journey and this time in your life.
Thanks Squirm. It's hard to describe how I feel at times but I do know that I think Sue and I have figured out what we both need. I know that she wants and needs the spontaneity that she's shown in surprising me with weekends away and yes, with her asking me to go bare with her at times. I understand and accept that both of these are not predictable or plannable by me, but so far, the frequency has surprised me so her comments on resuming more condom use. I guess what we all have yet to see is whether she will make good on what she's said and how she is about it - whether its something she's doing because she wants it or because she knows I need it - I'm not sure of what to think about the difference between those 2 reasons.
For me, I think what I am sensitive to is the same thing - that I need to know if she's saying she'll be with me or let me have her, that it's something she means and isn't just taunting or teasing me about and then letting me hang there. From a personal perspective, I am being realistic when I say that 2 maybe 2 1/2 months is as long as I can comfortably go without having penetrative sex with her. It is a little scary to say that I can surely give up cumming in her and instead using a condom for far far longer and that even the thought of an indefinitely long period no longer scares me as it did in the past. And yes, that could be longer depending on other things - a good satisfying blow-job goes a long way!!!! But in all honesty, at most at least every 3 months I do need to feel her intimately. But as I look back at that I alsoh ave to say that I"m not sure that just 4x a year would work so even then I'm not sure other than to say I know what I need but don't know how often.
What I do know is that as long as we do stay in sync, that I am far more accepting of her desires than I think I realized. Perhaps we've become even more symbiotic with each of us together acting as one? The look on her face as she watched me cum on Wednesday night just brings such intense feelings of closeness and intimacy that I don't necessarily feel the loss in other areas. Not sure if that makes any sense.
For me, I think what I am sensitive to is the same thing - that I need to know if she's saying she'll be with me or let me have her, that it's something she means and isn't just taunting or teasing me about and then letting me hang there. From a personal perspective, I am being realistic when I say that 2 maybe 2 1/2 months is as long as I can comfortably go without having penetrative sex with her. It is a little scary to say that I can surely give up cumming in her and instead using a condom for far far longer and that even the thought of an indefinitely long period no longer scares me as it did in the past. And yes, that could be longer depending on other things - a good satisfying blow-job goes a long way!!!! But in all honesty, at most at least every 3 months I do need to feel her intimately. But as I look back at that I alsoh ave to say that I"m not sure that just 4x a year would work so even then I'm not sure other than to say I know what I need but don't know how often.
What I do know is that as long as we do stay in sync, that I am far more accepting of her desires than I think I realized. Perhaps we've become even more symbiotic with each of us together acting as one? The look on her face as she watched me cum on Wednesday night just brings such intense feelings of closeness and intimacy that I don't necessarily feel the loss in other areas. Not sure if that makes any sense.
Not sure about sense Steve. You could be right in that Wednesdays are becoming your true connection points or it could be the Stockholm syndrome where you are seeing control as affection because mentally the alternative is difficult to handle. It doesn't matter either way as it's Sue in control and only she can make it right if she goes too far. Unless you still think your stop card still works?
Squirmy, I threw in the comment above just to gently take the rise out of you for always being so warm and fuzzy. I almost feel guilty now. My own view is that the question is both complex and obvious. Complex in that if Steve saw it as a card, in reality he would never play it because he does enjoy the game. Obvious in that while ever Sue loves him she will stop and modify whenever Steve reacts badly. As she did in February. The fact that she reacted as she did was the most significant factor for Steve in going forward I'm sure. He's not daft but he knows he gets out of control in letting his small head rule his big one sometimes. In spite of the comments he gets about it. February showed him Sue still has his back when it gets difficult.
So - her dad came home late yesterday afternoon. I haven't gone by to visit yet, Sue was there yesterday evening and was there this morning and came back already and is now off to get a mani/pedi which should take her mind off things. She says he looks even more frail than before and he is barely able to get around much less express himself clearly. They say there was no permanent damage other than sprains and bruises but Sue says he just looks more tired and now she's worried about her mom and that they may need to change yet again to get more assistance if they need it.
As I said, I know from many many years ago with my own parents that this is a very trying time for her and I could tell her mind was everywhere but sex when we talked last night and again today so in some ways, I think the best Mothers Day present for her would be for me to not pressure or ask her about sex but to simply leave her be for now. I will even venture to say that in some ways, I almost want to send her off next weekend now if she's going to be mopey like she seems to be right now. It sounds weird to say it but right now, the thought of Paul fucking some of this mood out of her sounds like a good thing to me.
And as for the Stop-Card. Well, I no longer believe I have full control in that sense, so no, I don't think I could tell her to stop in general. But I do think that she would still respect my wishes if something bad were to happen between Paul and I, in that maybe it'd hurt but I do think she'd break it off with him if it went sour somehow. At least I can hope and tell myself that. I think it's true for Paul, but not sure for others either in the past or possibly in the future. I do know that the genie is long out of the bottle in that I believe that for as long as she can, that she'll find a boyfriend or another guy to have sex with for as long as she can. And I guess, after 9 years, how could I really say no. LOL - its like it's in her DNA (which gives me thrill to think about both literally and figuratively).
I think the real question on the Stop-Card is whether I would ever want to ask her to stop. Whether it's 9 years that it's something she's learned to enjoy and now wants to continue, or whether it's 9 years of me learning to enjoy and respect and appreciate it, it's still 9 years and as I said above I think I feel hypocritical about suddenly saying "no more fucking around" when it still turns me on to this day. Not a day goes by that I don't have a horny sexual thought and desire for her - and that's just something that I think is really amazing to still have and want her - for whatever reason - after now over 30 years together. I know she enjoys the sex with Paul and I really like knowing that. It feels good to say it and to mean it. So when the subject of saying stop comes up, its not something that I ever feel I think about.
That's not to say I wouldn't - I mean while I love the thought of her going off with him for a few days - and I do love it, I mean yeah, while she's away I'm going to be kicking myself, but I also know when she comes back that it's going to bring new feelings and desires between us that I am continually eager to feel and experience with her - but if she suddenly started spending more and more time with him and less time here - then I am quite sure that over time it would lead me to feel differently. A few days is one thing, but a few days a week is another. I actually was thinking back to not so long ago when she had wanted to spend a weeknight at his place in addition to either Friday or Saturday and while that idea was definitely a horny thought, in reality, that might be too much for me - and I think she's aware of that. Or so we'll see. Either way, Peak, I am glad you are understanding my point of view - that I do like her doing this - denying me and enjoying Paul - but only to a certain point and in some ways I feel like we are a big science experiement now for the next 9 days or so to see how she is and what happens when she returns.
But I think that's enough for now.
As I said, I know from many many years ago with my own parents that this is a very trying time for her and I could tell her mind was everywhere but sex when we talked last night and again today so in some ways, I think the best Mothers Day present for her would be for me to not pressure or ask her about sex but to simply leave her be for now. I will even venture to say that in some ways, I almost want to send her off next weekend now if she's going to be mopey like she seems to be right now. It sounds weird to say it but right now, the thought of Paul fucking some of this mood out of her sounds like a good thing to me.
And as for the Stop-Card. Well, I no longer believe I have full control in that sense, so no, I don't think I could tell her to stop in general. But I do think that she would still respect my wishes if something bad were to happen between Paul and I, in that maybe it'd hurt but I do think she'd break it off with him if it went sour somehow. At least I can hope and tell myself that. I think it's true for Paul, but not sure for others either in the past or possibly in the future. I do know that the genie is long out of the bottle in that I believe that for as long as she can, that she'll find a boyfriend or another guy to have sex with for as long as she can. And I guess, after 9 years, how could I really say no. LOL - its like it's in her DNA (which gives me thrill to think about both literally and figuratively).
I think the real question on the Stop-Card is whether I would ever want to ask her to stop. Whether it's 9 years that it's something she's learned to enjoy and now wants to continue, or whether it's 9 years of me learning to enjoy and respect and appreciate it, it's still 9 years and as I said above I think I feel hypocritical about suddenly saying "no more fucking around" when it still turns me on to this day. Not a day goes by that I don't have a horny sexual thought and desire for her - and that's just something that I think is really amazing to still have and want her - for whatever reason - after now over 30 years together. I know she enjoys the sex with Paul and I really like knowing that. It feels good to say it and to mean it. So when the subject of saying stop comes up, its not something that I ever feel I think about.
That's not to say I wouldn't - I mean while I love the thought of her going off with him for a few days - and I do love it, I mean yeah, while she's away I'm going to be kicking myself, but I also know when she comes back that it's going to bring new feelings and desires between us that I am continually eager to feel and experience with her - but if she suddenly started spending more and more time with him and less time here - then I am quite sure that over time it would lead me to feel differently. A few days is one thing, but a few days a week is another. I actually was thinking back to not so long ago when she had wanted to spend a weeknight at his place in addition to either Friday or Saturday and while that idea was definitely a horny thought, in reality, that might be too much for me - and I think she's aware of that. Or so we'll see. Either way, Peak, I am glad you are understanding my point of view - that I do like her doing this - denying me and enjoying Paul - but only to a certain point and in some ways I feel like we are a big science experiement now for the next 9 days or so to see how she is and what happens when she returns.
But I think that's enough for now.
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peakmb said:
Peak - You truly did not get a rise out of me, I was actually agreeing with you in the question about if Steve could still pull the so called "Stop Card" if he felt that he needed to. Relationships are complex, when you include others it can become even more complex and there is nothing wrong with that as long as everyone involved knows what it expected from there respective position within the relationship. As Steve has said before, he and Sue have been together 30+ years, engaged in the lifestyle 9+ years and at points he has mentioned what he liked when they first dated per-marriage. There relationship has continued to evolve, they seem to have a solid foundation and including Paul has seemed to be very good for the relationship overall. Yes they have had a few hiccups and or bumps in the road although they have continued to work through those issues via way of open communication. The are taking this journey together and it seems to be working for them.
Well - Happy Mothers Day where it's applicable. Sue is over at her parents and I'm giving her some alone time there as she said she'd rather wait till her dad is a little better and her mom is a bit less tired before I go over so I'm home waiting for her to get back. I already made her feel great with some earrings and a card and some flowers as well as cooking breakfast but I have dinner lined up too for later so it should be a nice afternoon/evening when she gets home.
In some ways I see what she was after with telling me already that there's not going to be any sex tonight, I already am not expecting it and I can already sort of feel that we'll just have a really nice relaxing evening and maybe light a fire in the fire-pit later. Even Paul knew to give her some space this weekend as he's actually spending some time with his own family.
Peak/Squirm - as I said, I'm not sure there is a stop-card any more. I think that when I sort of came-out to her with my beta-desires, that I think at that point I may have relinquished that level of control, or at least I am accepting that may be when I believe I let it go. I am sure that if I truly wanted to re-adopt the alpha-role, and if the family situation would continue to mature where maybe our son isn't home next summer and our daughter might be gone by the following one, that at that point - me as the alpha again might work for her again. But maybe that's just conjecture in my own head?
The thing is, as I've said, I like what we're doing. I have definitely easier feelings towards the more physical aspects of sex and as Squirm and others have put it, I have a much greater appreciation for the excitement of sharing that physical sex with her with others. Her denial of me this week is something that I've said before and will say again that I want to feel. I see her every day, usually in the nude several times and as the week progresses I know that will continue to get me hornier and hornier knowing Paul will be the one to feel her next and that he'll be the one she directs her desires to. It may sound crazy but it's something I really enjoy feeling and knowing. So I know how I am going to feel this week.
And yes, just to put your minds at ease, before she left today she kissed me and cupped my cock and balls and said "next Sunday honey". I didn't prompt her or remind her or anything, as I said above, but she did that on her own and kissed me again before she left. She's the best.
In some ways I see what she was after with telling me already that there's not going to be any sex tonight, I already am not expecting it and I can already sort of feel that we'll just have a really nice relaxing evening and maybe light a fire in the fire-pit later. Even Paul knew to give her some space this weekend as he's actually spending some time with his own family.
Peak/Squirm - as I said, I'm not sure there is a stop-card any more. I think that when I sort of came-out to her with my beta-desires, that I think at that point I may have relinquished that level of control, or at least I am accepting that may be when I believe I let it go. I am sure that if I truly wanted to re-adopt the alpha-role, and if the family situation would continue to mature where maybe our son isn't home next summer and our daughter might be gone by the following one, that at that point - me as the alpha again might work for her again. But maybe that's just conjecture in my own head?
The thing is, as I've said, I like what we're doing. I have definitely easier feelings towards the more physical aspects of sex and as Squirm and others have put it, I have a much greater appreciation for the excitement of sharing that physical sex with her with others. Her denial of me this week is something that I've said before and will say again that I want to feel. I see her every day, usually in the nude several times and as the week progresses I know that will continue to get me hornier and hornier knowing Paul will be the one to feel her next and that he'll be the one she directs her desires to. It may sound crazy but it's something I really enjoy feeling and knowing. So I know how I am going to feel this week.
And yes, just to put your minds at ease, before she left today she kissed me and cupped my cock and balls and said "next Sunday honey". I didn't prompt her or remind her or anything, as I said above, but she did that on her own and kissed me again before she left. She's the best.
Steve – Sounds as if you were able to provide Sue with a Happy Mother’s Day and it was good to read that Paul also provided Sue with some space this weekend considering it was Mother’s Day. Good that Sue was able to spend some time with her mom and dad.
While Peak and Others will not agree with me on this, based on much of the feelings that you have shared in the past I do believe that it has been good that you were able to express and follow through with your beta-desires with Sue’s help & encouragement. As a couple turning your beta-desires into more of a true reality over this time that Sue has been seeing Paul. As to the so called stop-card, you may indeed be correct that with the more you and Sue mutual embrace your beta side, the more alpha she become, the more control she assumes, you are much more likely to no longer have access to the stop-card without putting a complete stop to the journey as you know it. You have began to truly accept what it means to be a true beta within the relationship with an alpha wife as you have relinquished that level of control.
As to possible taking the alpha-role again, it would seem to me that you and Sue have made a life style choice and that your role flip-flop was not simply role play. You may find that it is much more difficult to ever truly return to being the alpha sexually speaking with Sue.
It also sounds as if you are finding that intimacy can be achieved on many levels and in so many ways outside of the bare penetrative physical sexual contact which most men seem to think you have to have. Through your post you have in many ways indicated a greater appreciation for this type evolution of intimacy while Sue has the freedom and your encouragement to achieve her physical orgasmic sexual satisfaction with Paul while Sue denies you the same physical sex which she is having with the other man (in this case Paul). This is something that you have truly grown to enjoy and there is nothing wrong with that as long as you and Sue remain on the same page through honest and open communication.
There is all sorts of mixed views on what I am about to say although I personally have never seen a husband that has become truly committed to being an beta ever return to being a true alpha sexual with the same woman. It would seem to me that Sue will continue to control where, when and or if she will have physical sexual contact with her and as long as this works for you both you should embrace and enjoy the journey.
While Peak and Others will not agree with me on this, based on much of the feelings that you have shared in the past I do believe that it has been good that you were able to express and follow through with your beta-desires with Sue’s help & encouragement. As a couple turning your beta-desires into more of a true reality over this time that Sue has been seeing Paul. As to the so called stop-card, you may indeed be correct that with the more you and Sue mutual embrace your beta side, the more alpha she become, the more control she assumes, you are much more likely to no longer have access to the stop-card without putting a complete stop to the journey as you know it. You have began to truly accept what it means to be a true beta within the relationship with an alpha wife as you have relinquished that level of control.
As to possible taking the alpha-role again, it would seem to me that you and Sue have made a life style choice and that your role flip-flop was not simply role play. You may find that it is much more difficult to ever truly return to being the alpha sexually speaking with Sue.
It also sounds as if you are finding that intimacy can be achieved on many levels and in so many ways outside of the bare penetrative physical sexual contact which most men seem to think you have to have. Through your post you have in many ways indicated a greater appreciation for this type evolution of intimacy while Sue has the freedom and your encouragement to achieve her physical orgasmic sexual satisfaction with Paul while Sue denies you the same physical sex which she is having with the other man (in this case Paul). This is something that you have truly grown to enjoy and there is nothing wrong with that as long as you and Sue remain on the same page through honest and open communication.
There is all sorts of mixed views on what I am about to say although I personally have never seen a husband that has become truly committed to being an beta ever return to being a true alpha sexual with the same woman. It would seem to me that Sue will continue to control where, when and or if she will have physical sexual contact with her and as long as this works for you both you should embrace and enjoy the journey.
Squirmy,
You seem to have misinterpreted what I wrote about the 'stop card', although Steve does seem to have pretty much answered it himself. I don't believe it still exists as such, I further believe that in itself actually excites Steve further so he's not bothered by it. However I do believe there is the 'Mercy card' as I will christen it, in that if Steve were to express sustained emotional pain from an action initiated by Sue, I believe she would stop and at least reassess if not reverse the action. She has said that she is excited by exciting Steve in part and takes close notice of what truly gets him going usually. Its when she doesn't that things start to go wrong and she is learning this more and more. It indicates to me that Sue is not (or not yet) a true Dom, doing it for herself and also that Steve is not (or not yet) a true sub, as he retains the vestige of control even now. Part of his current excitement seems to me that he 'allows' Sue to dominate him and control his sex life. He is excited by the control but still believes he has allowed it to happen. In his head he still believes that a future exists where Sue may tire of her control and where he will stop allowing her control to happen. I'm certain he doesn't want those things at present, he's very happy as things are, but he's equally happy in the belief that such a safety net exists (even if in reality it may not in that form). The differences between how we see things may be subtle but I believe they are significant. We'll see how things go, or maybe Steve will give us his view. The next seven days may give us a pointer.
You seem to have misinterpreted what I wrote about the 'stop card', although Steve does seem to have pretty much answered it himself. I don't believe it still exists as such, I further believe that in itself actually excites Steve further so he's not bothered by it. However I do believe there is the 'Mercy card' as I will christen it, in that if Steve were to express sustained emotional pain from an action initiated by Sue, I believe she would stop and at least reassess if not reverse the action. She has said that she is excited by exciting Steve in part and takes close notice of what truly gets him going usually. Its when she doesn't that things start to go wrong and she is learning this more and more. It indicates to me that Sue is not (or not yet) a true Dom, doing it for herself and also that Steve is not (or not yet) a true sub, as he retains the vestige of control even now. Part of his current excitement seems to me that he 'allows' Sue to dominate him and control his sex life. He is excited by the control but still believes he has allowed it to happen. In his head he still believes that a future exists where Sue may tire of her control and where he will stop allowing her control to happen. I'm certain he doesn't want those things at present, he's very happy as things are, but he's equally happy in the belief that such a safety net exists (even if in reality it may not in that form). The differences between how we see things may be subtle but I believe they are significant. We'll see how things go, or maybe Steve will give us his view. The next seven days may give us a pointer.
Peak,
Indeed I have have misinterpreted your view point on the "Stop Card" although Steve has been a bit more clear by restating something he had stated in the past which reaffirmed my initial belief.
Above you used the terms DOM/sub respectively, were you and I see things a bit difference is that in my view point I do believe that a couple can explore being alpha and beta respectively without being what you call dominate and submissive respectively. While there may be subtle difference there are indeed clear differences in the terms and how they can be applied to a couple. I do not see Sue as a Dominate while I do see her as in the Alpha role within the relationship. I do see Steve as beta yet not a true submissive (your term) and he can fully embrace being a beta sexually speaking within the relationship without ever being a true submissive (your term). Yes Steve did open the door for this transition and flip within the relationship and yes did not openly give up control, placing 100% of the control within Sue's hands.
You may be correct, at this stage I would have expected this to be much more of a lifestyle choice considering the history presented by Steve over the years and with consideration of the most recent two (2) years although you may be correct that what Steve and Sue are doing may still be in the "Role Play" phase and not yet a lifestyle choice. Based on everything indicated by Steve so far it would seem more of a lifestyle choice which could indeed play out for years to come. Yes he has conveyed to Sue freedom and control while he has sought to embrace being the beta. Steve does need to be careful not to be perceived as topping from the bottom.
I must say that Steve and Sue have come a long way over the years and it will be good to see were the next few years takes them. I am sure that Steve will indeed give us this view point and clarify any misunderstandings that you and or I may have.
It is always good to exchange view points with you
Indeed I have have misinterpreted your view point on the "Stop Card" although Steve has been a bit more clear by restating something he had stated in the past which reaffirmed my initial belief.
Above you used the terms DOM/sub respectively, were you and I see things a bit difference is that in my view point I do believe that a couple can explore being alpha and beta respectively without being what you call dominate and submissive respectively. While there may be subtle difference there are indeed clear differences in the terms and how they can be applied to a couple. I do not see Sue as a Dominate while I do see her as in the Alpha role within the relationship. I do see Steve as beta yet not a true submissive (your term) and he can fully embrace being a beta sexually speaking within the relationship without ever being a true submissive (your term). Yes Steve did open the door for this transition and flip within the relationship and yes did not openly give up control, placing 100% of the control within Sue's hands.
You may be correct, at this stage I would have expected this to be much more of a lifestyle choice considering the history presented by Steve over the years and with consideration of the most recent two (2) years although you may be correct that what Steve and Sue are doing may still be in the "Role Play" phase and not yet a lifestyle choice. Based on everything indicated by Steve so far it would seem more of a lifestyle choice which could indeed play out for years to come. Yes he has conveyed to Sue freedom and control while he has sought to embrace being the beta. Steve does need to be careful not to be perceived as topping from the bottom.
I must say that Steve and Sue have come a long way over the years and it will be good to see were the next few years takes them. I am sure that Steve will indeed give us this view point and clarify any misunderstandings that you and or I may have.
It is always good to exchange view points with you
I tend to agree that STB has given up the control to Sue, for the most part, as long as Sue recognizes that she needs to care for Steve and include him in her sexuality. I do believe that Sue realizes that she does need to be physical, to some degree, with Steve to keep them connected. But in reading, I believe Sue would like to extend that a bit more over time. Additionally, I think Steve would be okay with that and this 9 days is a good start. If this goes well, you should give her more encouragement and tell her so. Besides, after all this time, it really is Paul's pussy, maybe there are other things like a good blowjob to make the reconnect versus sex. All in due time, but it seems like you are both comfortable with the reestablishment of the denial. Good headspace!
I think I will no more predict gloom and doom. Rather as the common saying goes when life gives you lemons you make lemonade.
I think that slowly but surely Sue is taking control away from STB. However considering STB's wishes that is not a bad thing. It is STB who needs to make up his mind...whether he wants Sue physically or not. Because Sue doesn't needs him physically anymore as all her needs are focused towards Paul. The relationship between STB and Sue is not a relationship of equals anymore. STB has given that up voluntarily and cannot blame Sue for taking the opportunity. Mutual love (in bedroom) has turned into merciful love (in bedroom).
However there is one thing that I want to ask STB. Since Sue no more considers you as an alpha in bedroom, does she still considers you as an alpha in other matters ? I am asking this because even when she needs an emotional getaway in distress it's Paul who is providing her with that and not you. And does Sue calls you a Cuckold while talking to you. Because she does teases you with subtle humiliation (although she obtained permission from you for that). I wish a happy loving and passionate life for Sue and Paul which is filled with cuddling and whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears and happy angst and a constant hard on for you as you watch the spectacle unfold. STB must try to accept his status as easily as possible without any resistance and try to serve his wife and her bull like the cuckolds normally do. I wish that Paul also learns to become like Dan so as to fulfill sue's fantasies.
I think that slowly but surely Sue is taking control away from STB. However considering STB's wishes that is not a bad thing. It is STB who needs to make up his mind...whether he wants Sue physically or not. Because Sue doesn't needs him physically anymore as all her needs are focused towards Paul. The relationship between STB and Sue is not a relationship of equals anymore. STB has given that up voluntarily and cannot blame Sue for taking the opportunity. Mutual love (in bedroom) has turned into merciful love (in bedroom).
However there is one thing that I want to ask STB. Since Sue no more considers you as an alpha in bedroom, does she still considers you as an alpha in other matters ? I am asking this because even when she needs an emotional getaway in distress it's Paul who is providing her with that and not you. And does Sue calls you a Cuckold while talking to you. Because she does teases you with subtle humiliation (although she obtained permission from you for that). I wish a happy loving and passionate life for Sue and Paul which is filled with cuddling and whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears and happy angst and a constant hard on for you as you watch the spectacle unfold. STB must try to accept his status as easily as possible without any resistance and try to serve his wife and her bull like the cuckolds normally do. I wish that Paul also learns to become like Dan so as to fulfill sue's fantasies.
Raks - I think you are mistaking Sue's need to "escape" for a weekend with some sort of assumption that by going with him he is providing some sort of emotional support that I am not. It's actually quite the opposite. Near as Sue explaining it, she's made it quite clear to me over the years how when things get just very worked up at home and with family that she enjoys getting away from it all. Yes, I'm quite sure that if she were to stay home next weekend, that I could turn the phones off and make the housework and laundry go away and that would likely provide her with a similar type of relief, at the same time, I know thats unlikely. Sure she and I could go away - but at the same time I also know that our daughter will likely be home a week from this Thursday and I know that in her head, she sees this as the last hurrah weekend before having to be ****** back into being a parent for yet another summer. While I'm sure there will be a good amount of cuddling and sexy whispering in ears, I also know that Sue is looking forward - not just to the sex - but to being able to not have to do or go anywhere on Saturday or Sunday mornings - she's already told me that she's looking forward to lounging in just her robe - yes, after enjoying a bit of morning-sex - and doing nothing other than sipping a mimosa (champagne & oj) and reading a new book she just dowloaded onto her Kindle.
And yes, she also knew that sharing that thought with me was going to turn me on as she confirmed last night when she reached over and felt my hard cock as she talked to me. She told me that she was really happy with Mothers Day and she again said a meaningful thank-you to me for not pressuring her into feeling sexual or like she had to "put out" for me as she's sometimes felt on days like that. When we talked last night she told me again how she appreciated me for letting her go away for the weekend - and again, unprompted or signaled by me, she leaned in and kissed me and said again "thank you for waiting for me...." and then added "I'm sure you'll be happy you did". And while she didn't mention next Sunday explicitly, I think it's obvious what she meant.
Gotta run right now - maybe more later.
And yes, she also knew that sharing that thought with me was going to turn me on as she confirmed last night when she reached over and felt my hard cock as she talked to me. She told me that she was really happy with Mothers Day and she again said a meaningful thank-you to me for not pressuring her into feeling sexual or like she had to "put out" for me as she's sometimes felt on days like that. When we talked last night she told me again how she appreciated me for letting her go away for the weekend - and again, unprompted or signaled by me, she leaned in and kissed me and said again "thank you for waiting for me...." and then added "I'm sure you'll be happy you did". And while she didn't mention next Sunday explicitly, I think it's obvious what she meant.
Gotta run right now - maybe more later.
Thanks for the reply STB. But you didn't answer if she calls you a "Cuckold" or "Cucky" in bedroom. While she has explicitly stated in past that Paul is better at sex than you, does she repeats or emphasizes that often?
Also the kind of words (if they were what she spoke) amaze me. She has to "put out" for you, but she is so very horny for him? Is it done with an intention to humiliate you or tease you? Or is it how she really feels?
Also when she says "I am sure you'll be happy you did" in reference to your waiting for her. Hope that she really makes it worth your wait because if after her awaited union with Paul if she doesn't makes it special for you than what is it that she is promising ?
I hope I do not annoy you by raising concerns as I see the other side of coin. My apologies in advance if I step on your sacred territory.
Also the kind of words (if they were what she spoke) amaze me. She has to "put out" for you, but she is so very horny for him? Is it done with an intention to humiliate you or tease you? Or is it how she really feels?
Also when she says "I am sure you'll be happy you did" in reference to your waiting for her. Hope that she really makes it worth your wait because if after her awaited union with Paul if she doesn't makes it special for you than what is it that she is promising ?
I hope I do not annoy you by raising concerns as I see the other side of coin. My apologies in advance if I step on your sacred territory.
- Status
