New Year, New Thread

[peakmb]

Or is it Steve, that you are still holding back from an edge that you alone perceive as such. Unwilling to completely admit to somethings because you fear they would make it more difficult at some time in the future to step back, to return in way to times of old. I fear my friend that, as many have said before, you can never go back. Only forwards, your future may resemble some image of the past but it will never be quite the same. It will be easier to travel without unnecessary baggage too. If the future does have you both springing back in some way it will because you both want to do that, in your own way and in your own time. It will not resemble the past because hopefully it will be better.

 

[SoonToBe]

Far2 - I'd say you were somewhat reading my mind last night as I did very much what you suggested. She had more than hinted that she wanted to have sex with me last night which I even told her surprised me as she'd only been with Paul on Thursday and I thought she'd want to enjoy her lingering feelings from him a bit longer. She looked at me and said that it was maybe the first time she could remember me asking her that and she hugged me and said she loved me and loved that I was starting to be more at ease with that thought. We talked for a little while before moving more into more sexual things and she told me that she liked knowing I was thinking about her that way and that she said "you are okay with talking about it" and she proceeded to tell me that one of the biggest things she was wanting to feel from me is that she didn't have to hide things from me and she told me that she wanted to make sure that I was going to truly be okay when she "puts your beta wishes to the test" and she proceeded to tell/remind me that she isn't going to be thinking of me sexually at some point and that she needed to know that I was comfortable with that.

It made me realize that I think that may be what I am somewhat fearing, that once her sexual desires are truly and totally focused on him, that I am going to miss how she was last night when I knew she genuinely wanted to have sex with me. She held my hand and told me that it didn't have to be so dramatic and so earth shaking for me if I would relax about it and she started to ask me whether I might want her to be even more open with me if that would help share it with me. I didn't know what she meant until she looked at me and said "it would mean if I wanted to, that tonight maybe we'd just cuddle and we'd talk about how I felt with Paul and how I still felt.... you know, not hiding it". She looked at me and said "you know, if it turned you on... you know, I'd love to see it get you horny and to you know... watch you sometimes when you need it...." and she said "it'd be a nice way for me, or us, to share it together". I looked at her and asked more about what she meant and she said that she'd try to treat me more like a girlfriend (and I realized that I'd heard and we'd tried this before as she was talking to me but then I realized that I wasn't really ready to be the beta yet and now I was) so I asked her waht that meant. She said that she'd tell me more if she knew it wasn't going to make me moody or too horny or unable to deal with things. I told her that I thought it was something that might help me and that even what we'd just talked about seemed to make it easier for me. She hugged me and we kissed and I can't explain it - but I think I felt different. I think I still do and re-typing this now has me re-living and remembering it - but I truly did feel a bit more at ease.

I looked at her and I asked her "are you still wet inside from him?" and she giggled and said "a little" and she smiled and said "that's it honey, lets see if we can do this a bit easier for us" and she looked at me and said "yes, baby, you know he cums a lot, especially when we haven't been together for a little while". I knew I was getting horny but we weren't doing more than just kissing and holding hands - and believe it or not - I actually told myself "it's not a sure thing tonight" and I told myself "lets see if we can do this". I looked at her and asked her "do you like it when he does that in you?" and she looked at me and before she could answer I ****** myself to ask in as non-sexy a way as I could "does it feel good when you know he needed you like that?". Her grin turned to an ear-to-ear smile and she looked at me and said "honey, it's really a beautiful thing when I know he needs me" and with that same unchanged smile she continued and said "I love it when I can feel him let go inside me.... it feels amazing".

 

[SquirmingSub]

Steve,

Does indeed sound as if Sue is going to put your expressed beta desires to the test. If she is going to see how beta you are truly willing and or can become, Sue is going to explore how far she can expand your limits assuming that you still have any limits.

So Sue has indicated that she is going to treat you more like a girlfriend and as time passes she isn't going to be thinking of you sexually. This would bring you to a point where it could/would be difficult to ever return to any sort of true Alpha role within the relationship sexually speaking. Very high likelihood that it would validate your beta role to Sue. Is this something you are going to be comfortable with and are ready for?

Sounds as if you both as a couple are preparing for the next step in the evolution of your relationship.

 

[far2easy]

Squirm, if he becomes more relaxed, expresses his needs to Sue, and accepts the fact that he doesn't have to provide for her sexually other than giving her a gift like no other, then I think they turn the page together on a new, exciting chapter for the future. Sure it won't be the same, but it doesn't seem either of them are interested in returning after all of these years. She isn't leaving Stb, he is her emotional rock. But make aure you tell her you want to still partake in licking her messy pussy from time to time ao you can enjoy the sexual connection. Now if you can only do it in front of Paul! Bet she works on that over the next year

 

[peakmb]

Steve,
I said a few weeks ago that you would in some sense want to start your denial early and you laughed at the thought. Now it seems this weekend you flirted with it but we still have no idea what finally happened. Certainly Sue is clearly showing you how much she is now in charge and you are showing her how much that mainly excites you. Not completely of course because there would no tension, no edge for either of you if you were to submit completely, but enough to show which way the wind is blowing. Our ability to comment now is curtailed by that lack of knowledge of the weekend. We're you willingly denied or granted your countdown release. Was that Sue's desire or already her agreed duty to grant mercy fucks before the regime starts. We don't know and thus don't know how this week builds upon it. I'm sure Sue will be seeing Paul at some point. Even now if her only chance took away your normal Wednesday activities, she would take it and you would defer I'm sure. So what is happening...?

 

[tegelad]

Something fun for you to explore is to find out if Paul has a spare room at his place and for you to move some stuff in there ... And then you stay there for a weekend. You can entertain her while he golfs and then they go back to you home and you stay there for a Sunday .... If that doesn't twist your beta angst ... I don't know what would ...

 

[dutch12]

Just very curious how Steve's Wednesday routine was going yesterday.

 

[SoonToBe]

It's been a crazy week and in re-reading the last few posts I am now realizing I didn't share the conclusion of the weekend - but it did culminate with us making love and again, I don't believe she is faking it - at least if she is, she's a wonderful actress who can command her pussy to become squishingly wet. Our open discussion had led to us winding up in bed and she was very into sex with me - which surprised me since she'd been with him on Thursday - but nonetheless - the remains of their fun surely added to ours, or at least mine.

However, she was also not missing the opportunity to taunt and tease me about using up yet one more condom and she again teased me about whether she will let me possibly "fill 2 of them over Labor Day weekend". Just the way she said it had me so turned on teasing me that I have maybe 6 more to use with her. I know it may sound cold but after how we'd talked and what we'd both said, I can't explain it but if anything I was turned on even more.

She said it back then and it came up again last night both before and after I'd cum with her. Mind you it's now shared knowledge between us that it totally turns me on that I may no longer cum in her and last night she told me how much that turned her on too. She'd admitted that it began to turn her on more and more as she began to really "see" that I enjoyed denial and that she realized that sometimes - despite how much she loves having semen in her pussy - that sometimes with me she too found herself growing more and more aroused herself at this. So both Saturday night as well as last night she seemed even more focused on playing with my cum. She has the most intense look in her eye as she holds a condom full of my cum, especially knowing how aroused it makes me feel to see it and know what I've again not felt with her. The way she holds it and runs it in her fingers is so erotic.

Last night we again talked and building on our past conversation she again told me how she wants to feel she can "be herself" with Paul and not feel that she has to worry about me and how I'll be "if you walk in on something". It led to quite an explicit conversation where I asked her what I might walk in on and she casually said "how are you going to feel if you walked into the den and you found Paul licking me or us fucking?" It was so erotic and exciting that we can talk so openly. I joked with her at first that "I hoped you wouldn't leave any stains on the couch" which made her giggle and I think really made her feel that I was okay with what and how we were talking about.

As we talked she told me that she and Paul often "fooled around" elsewhere other than the bedroom in his place and she told me again that she very much didn't want to have to change any of that when they're at our house. She was quite explicit and said that sometimes they would fuck for a long time just to fuck - sometimes with her not cumming at all but just "enjoying him in me" - and obviously with him waiting at times too. She said some other stuff and I guess it was just us both getting caught up in the moment but I told her that hearing that absolutely drove me crazy and turned me on to hear. She looked at me and asked me how I was going to feel if they didn't quite so much push it in my face, but at the same time, didn't really hold themselves back.

I've said it before and last night was another of those nights when I felt like I could tell her anything and everything. After hearing how she felt about me using condoms and how she really made me feel good about it being something we are "doing together". One thing she had said was that I shouldn't feel awkward about what turns me on and that she loves knowing "this side" of me. She looked at me and said "I know it turns you on that I am with him instead of you and not in addition to you" and she said that she loves knowing that and again said it's not something she feels I should be concerned about as long as she is okay about it and believe me, she is quite okay about it. She was now lying next to me in just her bra and panties and she encourage me to "talk to me baby.... let me watch you while you tell me what turns you on baby....". It took me a minute but I soon started to talk. I told her that I knew it was going to make me horny to see them "being free" and that I wanted her to feel she didn't have to worry about me. She moaned a supportive "uh huh baby..." and I told her that I thought it would be very erotic to see them acting as they do at his place. She looked at me and I told her that if she wants to fuck him downstairs in our den that she should do so and that I would be okay with it. I told her that I expected that sometimes it would make me feel awkward or even uncomfortable but that I wanted her to not mind that. She smiled and said "are you sure?" and I nodded yes and told her "yeah, it's hard for me to say it to you but I want to see you involved with him". I said a few other things which included my telling her that "I want you to do what you want and not worry about me" I took a deep breath and said hesitated for a moment but then said ".... I want to feel as though you are his...". She moaned at that and put her hand on me and told me she loved me and that she knew it was hard for me to say stuff like that to her. I took her hand in mine and I told her that I didn't understand it but that I loved that she was going to be his sexually and with a deep breath I told her that "it's what I want, it's what I want to feel as the beta".

Without any notice she kissed me passionately. When the kiss ended she looked at me and said "I know this is hard for you baby" and then she looked downward and saw that my hand was on my now very hard cock and she smiled and said "but I know it turns you on and I love that". She reached down and slid my boxers off of me - I lifted up my butt to make it easier for her and as she pulled them off she knelt on the bed and looked down at me now naked and she said "I love seeing you and watching you do this". I swear my cock throbbed at how she said that. As I started to stroke more and more I told her more. I told her that I knew it wasn't going to be easy for me and that I knew there were going to be many difficult moments, but I was so horny as I told her that at the same time I knew that there were going to be far more times that turned me on and I admitted I was looking forward to it. She moaned softly as I told her that I wanted to feel my desire for her building and to know that it won't be satisfied for a long time. She cooed back softly to "tell me more baby" and I did. I told her how I wanted to know how it was going to feel to have him staying in our room for 2 nights in a row and to know she was his. I think I was looking away from her as I told her I wanted to hear her moaning with him and that it was crazy to say it but that I wanted to hear them together in the morning, in the bedroom and in the bathroom together. She cooed back at "mmmm, that turns you on doesn't it baby, that I don't mind him in the bathroom with me". I groaned back that she didn't do that with me and she giggled and said "I would if you weren't my beta man" which made me moan loudly in return.

I can't recall specifically what was said that pushed me over the edge, but I do know that in the moments of extreme arousal that I told her she looked incredible in her bra and panties and that it would turn me on if she'd tease me wearing them sometimes. She giggled and told me that she remembered how it used to drive me crazy to not see her and I know she started to tease me about thinking about doing that again just before I suddenly let go. I know she said some things to me but I can't recall exactly what she was saying as I had my own thoughts in my head as well but I do know that it felt awesome to let her see just how turned on I was and I know I heard her moan softly as I kept stroking my cock.

It was afterwards, after I'd caught my breath and realized that she was again lazily playing with my cum - picking it up between her fingers and seeing how stringy it was when she said "it seems like maybe you're finally relaxing about all of this?.... if this is any evidence of it...." and that was the first time I'd tilted my head downward and saw what - to me and I guess her - was again a seemingly huge load of cum from me. She leaned over when I'd raised my head and kissed me and told me that she loved "seeing this" and she looked at me and asked me if it felt good and she asked me if there was anything she could do to make it feel even better for me. I jokingly but also seriously said "you could suck me at the end!" and she giggled and said "I could....... but I won't....." and she ran a finger through my cum and brought it up to my lips and said "I couldn't play with it like this and I wouldn't get to see you either". But as I licked it off her finger she also smiled and said "besides, that's not something you get as a beta baby". Fuck that was so hot to hear her say that I told her so "that gets me horny when you say that" and she giggled and said "I know". A moment later she lifted her head away from playing with my cum to again bring a finger-ful to my lips and she asked if there was anything else I could think of "like maybe holding these?" and she reached down and cupped my balls! I moaned and told her that would probably be pretty erotic and she giggled and moved my hand to my cock and said "give it a tug or two and lets see how it feels". And while it was still soft and small, feeling her warm hand and fingers was exceptionally nice and I told her so. She smiled and said "see, that's what I mean about relaxing and making this fun baby".

Thing is she's right, it's sort of lingered into today that maybe she's right and I should just relax about it and lets see what happens.

 

[raksdeer]

Hmmm..wonder when he would be staying with you for two days, how would it feel when you are having lunch or dinner or breakfast together. Would all of you watch TV with Sue with him..may be semi naked? Or him playing with Sue while reading morning newspaper? How you would like to serve morning breakfast to them in bed ?

Your narrations are becoming hotter and hotter. Love this new form of Sue - denying you and also kind of humiliating you in subtle fashion. ( Why she doesn't join you in bathroom...I guess she has been seeing you like this since quite some time).

I hope you enjoy letting Paul become the man of house

 

[Guhunkadorn]

Thanks for sharing narrative, hope you stay on course....I'll venture to guess your enjoying more erotic intimacy with your wife than at least 90% of married guys your age.

 

[peakmb]

I'm beginning to sound like Reagan. There you go again ...

On the one hand it is very good to see the intimacy that Sue engenders for you on your Wednesday events, on the other I think you must see them as such and ignore the dialog used as meaningful testimony to future acceptances. After all, all testimony extracted under duress is always ignored by the courts. Sue talked about what excites you, it seems she makes no attempt to discover what would really turn you off, or upset you, or annoy you and you make no attempt to enlighten her it seems. No barriers can therefore be constructed for what is about to happen, no safety net, no emergency signals. Even if simply for the sake of Paul's feelings, you should both know what you need to be doing and sharing in signal terms if things go wrong when he is around. It could get very uncomfortable for him at least if you don't and things explode a little. Again I submit that you are ok with the sexual encounters you will be witnessing but no longer experiencing, it is the non sexual encounters which will hit your buttons at odd times but neither of you seem to discuss this or how you will cope with it. As such the potential for a car crash around November looms large but the sexual frenzy over the next few weeks then the thrill of the new into October will disguise it. All depends upon Sue's newly minted discussion periods, but if they are conducted while you are in a state of any meaningful sexual excitement, they are less likely to be useful, indeed may even be counterproductive as they will give Sue false reassurance and you more frustration afterwards. I'm not saying don't enjoy your time ahead Steve, I'm just saying do a bit of proper planning so that it stays as what you both want to happen.

 

[SquirmingSub]

Steve,

As always thank you for sharing as you do on this forum. I would agree with "Guhunkadorn" in his above post #670 in that your enjoying more erotic intimacy with your wife than at least 90% of married guys your age.

It is good to see that you are truly and completely embracing your beta desires, I am sure this occurred after some long and deep self reflection on what it was that your truly did desire to feel, to experience and it is good to read that you have shared this with your wife Sue. At this point it does sound like you are both on the same page per say at least for the next phase, you will both be enjoying the experience together while each of you experience what you both desire respectively.

Enjoy the journey.

 

[dutch12]

It happened again! Talks with your pants off. You're like wax in Sue's hands and would even say yes if she asks you to shave your head bold. While Paul is playing golf on the green feelds Sue uses your stick to play your mind on the sheets.
All the things she is telling or wispering to you are hot, very hot....as a play. But she is serious about every word she says. Looks like denial of intercourse isn't the only thing you are going to deal with, a blowjob isn't in the game anymore too. So wanking for her and eating your own cum from her fingers will be your only common sexual thing in the near future.
Of course it is hot when she is pulling your balls when you're wanking. I always love it when my wife does that to me.
Enjoy your journey if all goes as you would like it to happen. Hope you keep writing as visual as possible so we can enjoy it with you.

 

[peakmb]

Have the wheels come off the pram Steve, or is it just same old, same old, one condom less?

 

[SoonToBe]

LOL - had to laugh at Peak's post and had to remind myself what a pram was....
Actually our weekend was full of surprises, just not between Sue and I. Our daughter announced that this past weekend was the only time that she and her friends could get together before school begins and they again go their separate ways (different colleges). So, come Friday afternoon through later Sunday evening, we had between 4-6 other girls here in the house with us - which put Sue into hostess-mode and relegated us to finding some alone-time on Sunday night.

She teased me that "the girls are old enough" and that perhaps the beta in me wanted to be a little more ******* to the girls. Mind you they are all 20 and 21 years old so they are not little-girls by any notion. And at another point she teased that if I was horny I should masturbate but added that I should keep it quiet or the girls might "peek in on you". When the girls were all lying out at the pool I have to say that them all wearing bikini's left little to the imagination and at one point Sue told me that she knew they were making me horny and that I should save that for Sunday night.

So yes, Peak, in a way, just another weekend - in that come Sunday night Sue said that we should have sex. I was a little concerned that she dind't seem like she was very much into it but she assured me that "once we get started, I'll be there for you". And she was right - while she was a little distant to begin with, once I'd really gotten into licking her pussy she definitely came around and soon after that we were in the midst of passion together. She admitted afterwards that while she definitely orgasmed with me, that it wasn't like some of the past few weekends where I left her totally sated, no, she admitted to me after Sunday that not seeing Paul was getting to her. She still insisted that I will get time over the next 4 weekends and she even counted out 5 condoms that she smiled at me and said that we'll definitely use them up.

I didn't tell her but I can already feel her pulling back a bit in sexual areas, but at the same time, our conversation and non-sexual intimacy has definitely skyrocketed. We shared a bottle of wine after work on Monday and she shared that she will be happy when our daughter ventures back to school. We talked about doing stuff around the house and about possibly traveling this fall to check out some other areas of the country.

Our daughter announced she has plans for early this evening so Sue is taking clear advantage of this to see Paul this afternoon and spend the early-evening with him. Since I'm working from home today I told Sue it wasn't a problem and that hopefully it stays cooler out today so I can do some work around the yard while she's out. She smiled and hugged me and told me "thank you for understanding".

Raks - I don't know that they necessarily plan on spending a lot of time with me or sharing all of their meals with me all the time when he is staying with us for 2 days - but at the same time, I already know that they are going to push the envelope. And yes, it is going to be awkward around them/Paul when he's here. I've talked with Sue more though and I told her that, at least not at first, that I couldn't deal with having to constantly be dealing with them running around naked or that sort of stuff in our house. She calmed me down and said that she would clearly be considerate of me and she said that she and Paul have already been talking and she says she'd like for Paul to have his own bath-robe at our house and that if anything, that they'd both be wearing robes most of the time. She held my hand and she told me she knew it wasn't going to be something I'd want to see all the time.

But it did lead to some clarifying conversation when she asked me "would you mind though if we did sometimes?" I told her that I expected (and even wanted) to see it sometime as I told her it definitely turned me on when I could see and "know" she was really horny for him. She giggled and said that would be easy - but she said it's not something she feels she wants to make me uncomfortable about.

She's promised to be home in time for our usual Wednesday fun tonight so I'm looking forward to that for now.

 

[peakmb]

Welcome back Steve. I noticed you didn't even check in for 5 days. Must be a record for you lately.

I'm curious what you are going to be feeling when Sue and Paul are together at your place but not actually engaged in anything directly sexual. I just wonder if you have an internal boundary for time with Sue. How will you feel if Sue ignores you even if she is not being sexual with Paul but simply spends time with him. I suspect this will be your greater test as any sexual activity you are mentally prepared for and you get your high from the angst it generates. Have you and Sue discussed any protocols for such times?

 

[SoonToBe]

Peak - that is one of the last areas that we do need to get clear with each other on. But the other aspect of that is that - at least according to Sue - their time together is spent mainly having sex or being in "that sexy way" with each other as she'd put it.

This is something that we've not really touched on just yet as she insists that their time together is intended to be fulfilling sexually for her - and given that they don't spend all that much time together, I suspect that at the beginning, it will be virtually 100% sexual between them with little idle-time. But over time, as things become more established, you raise an interesting point about how the 3 of us will be interacting together. I think part of this difficulty is that at least for the next 4 weeks, I don't see it being the 3 of us together - so other than talking with Sue, there's not much opportunity for clearing the air with Paul and I just yet.

Just as we cross one hurdle, we come to another.

 

[tegelad]

Very impressive STB ... embrace the angst and beta feelings. Picture the day, after your kids have graduated and started on their lives, maybe you can go further down the rabbit hole. Picture the fantastic feelings if your alpha wife states that having the alpha male have to have his place seems like financial over kill. Picture the feelings if she suggest he just moves into the house, and it can start with telling the kids at first that a close friend from the past needed a place to crash for a while. He could move his stuff into the spare room, so when the kids arrive the rooms can be swapped to keep appearances.

The big question is how beta do you want to be? Do you want to be the 100% master of your orgasms and needs, or do you want to work with your wife to keep the act of masturbation as a critical intimacy point between you two ....Congratulations again on the progress made.

 

[SoonToBe]

Tgelad - not sure whether your first paragraph is serious or in jest. In jest, quite funny in some ways, but seriously, not likely.
But to answer your questions - I can surely say that Sue looks forward very much to the times when we are together and I masturbate with her. From when we've talked, she shares the same feelings as I do that she wants to be a part of the pleasure that I get just as I want to be a part of hers.

And yes, to Peak's point about not posting - our daughter's friends were camped out in our office such that I couldn't take time when I wanted to post updates and at other points it wasn't feasible.

We have continued to talk - and as I've said, it's become easier and less of something we need to feel cautious about. When she shared with me that she was quite horny for Paul,, it wasn't a sexually charged moment, more of her sharing how she feels and what she wanted. She asked me quite casually if I was okay if she found a way to spend some time with him today and I looked at her and told her that I'd never say no to her and I told her to have a good time and that I hoped she might share some of her fun with me afterwards. She smiled and said "that would be nice" so I am now eager for her to come home later.

And I'll also share that we talked a bit more on Sunday night as we lay in bed after we'd had sex. She turned to me and asked me if I was getting upset or concerned about only 5 more times with her. I turned to her and I told her that I didn't think I was ever going to be ready to give up sex with her but for now, I am accepting it and I told her that I wanted it to be good for both of us and to be what she wanted. She held me tightly and told me she loved me and that she promised she would still make me feel good "in other ways".

 

[SquirmingSub]

Steve,

It is good to see you back posting on the forum. It was good to read that your conversations and non-sexual intimacy have definitely skyrocketed. It will take some time to truly be comfortable with your transition into the next chapter of your adventures. Continue to enjoy the journey.