once you cross that threshold...

[Cuckold64]

Hey Bob,

My wife and I have been enjoying our cuckold fantasy/reality for several years. It is about my wife's desire to experiment sexually and my support thereof. Could we have remained in a traditional marriage? Maybe, but my wife is such a sexual person, it seemed such a shame that she be "moralized" into suppressing that part of her. So we play. She is "allowed" her freedom, and in return, she provides me with my "fantasy" part of the relationship which can include anything from sloppy seconds, to cream pies, to domination by both she and her Bull in social, private, and sexual ways. We are best friends and lovers who respect each other enough to help each other explore fantasies in a real and exciting way. Our relationship is stronger for it, but it was not in danger of failing before we got started.

I will say that we did have one "dalliance" with a fellow who's motives were more than sexual and it caused some major problems for us. However, in the end, it was our love and solid friendship that kept us together and showed him for the sociopath we was.

The "risk" you take is only mitigated by the depth of your love and devotion. If that love or devotion is in question, the leap isn't worth it.

C64

 

[kimcarl]

I will say one thing, this did end my marriage to a great man. Now I wonder what I will do. Make sure you are both on board fully. Otherwise its not worth going forward.

 

[BobMichaels]

Hi KimCarl, I'm not asking for you to be revealing at all, and is a difficult subject, but was it cheating or experimenting with cuckolding?

 

[kimcarl]

Hi Bob, yes, I can give you some details. This all started with a coworker of mine explaining her great experiences with other men, and I must admit, I was turned on. What I failed to realize is what I had at home.

My husband and I would frequently talk about past experiences. I was very promiscuous in my younger years and started to think more about this in light of my conversations with my friend at work. My husband and I talked about the possibility of a threesome, which he said could be appealing, but later denounced. I kept listening to my friends stories about how great her experiences were, never considering what a horrible marriage she had, and how much better my marriage was than hers.

I pushed the issue with my husband, referring to sites like this one and others for useful information. I referred to him as being good but inadequate. I tried to get him to let me try anal on him which he declined. I was obsessed with living out this fantasy a ***** from work kept talking about. Her husband would even sleep in another room.

Long story short my husband left. He is now dating someone and they are very serious. She is more attractive than me and it kills me. When I think back I am not sure what I was thinking, My ex husband is a great man, better on so many levels than most men. He is strong, attractive, great father, great husband, and offers the whole package. He is smaller than some of the asshole men I went for when younger but still better than average, Too bad I didn’t realize this before.

Currently I do not have sex with anyone, nor do I want to have sex with anyone. I was seriously screwed up and ruined a great thing that I will likely never find again.

From your perspective, just be willing to take what this lifestyle brings you. My husband and I never had sex with anyone outside of our marriage, it never got to that point, but the stress of the idea tore us apart.

 

[Godess]

Hi Bob, yes, I can give you some details. This all started with a coworker of mine explaining her great experiences with other men, and I must admit, I was turned on. What I failed to realize is what I had at home.

My husband and I would frequently talk about past experiences. I was very promiscuous in my younger years and started to think more about this in light of my conversations with my friend at work. My husband and I talked about the possibility of a threesome, which he said could be appealing, but later denounced. I kept listening to my friends stories about how great her experiences were, never considering what a horrible marriage she had, and how much better my marriage was than hers.

I pushed the issue with my husband, referring to sites like this one and others for useful information. I referred to him as being good but inadequate. I tried to get him to let me try anal on him which he declined. I was obsessed with living out this fantasy a ***** from work kept talking about. Her husband would even sleep in another room.

Long story short my husband left. He is now dating someone and they are very serious. She is more attractive than me and it kills me. When I think back I am not sure what I was thinking, My ex husband is a great man, better on so many levels than most men. He is strong, attractive, great father, great husband, and offers the whole package. He is smaller than some of the asshole men I went for when younger but still better than average, Too bad I didn’t realize this before.

Currently I do not have sex with anyone, nor do I want to have sex with anyone. I was seriously screwed up and ruined a great thing that I will likely never find again.

From your perspective, just be willing to take what this lifestyle brings you. My husband and I never had sex with anyone outside of our marriage, it never got to that point, but the stress of the idea tore us apart.

Are you still attracted to this kind of a lifestyle?

 

[BobMichaels]

I'm sorry to hear all that kimcarl, i don't hear as much of the perspective of a woman pushing it as much as the man.

in my case, it was a reaction to her having sex with a man at an event we were both at, me oblivious at the time. & after i learned the details from someone else, ultimately i began masturbating.

and it's been mentally consuming, and i have the impression from her, that is resonated for her.

so do i pretend like it didn't happen or do i see if we bring it out in the open, and potentially open myself up to becoming a cuckold.

we're supposed to meet up with this guy two weekends from this one.

he says stuff like "this is your destiny".

Or don't chicken out, how i need to arrange this meeting "like i promised" which i never did.

& how he will keep "his promise" of f'ing my wife.

& part of me is turned on by the idea, but the other part of me is just scared and wtf am I doing.

 

[kimcarl]

Godess: this is not an easy question to answer. I follow this lifestyle but not like in the past. Now the idea of being treated like some men treated me in the past scares the hell out of me.

Bob: I understand what you are saying about your wife having an affair and this starting the process. This is different than my situation but I admit to having thought about having an affair also.

Sex with my husband was great. However, I started thinking more about others in my past and got excited. One guy I was with, although not bigger than my husband, knew what he wanted and took it as he wanted. This started to excite me again. Whereas my husband was less aggressive, more caring, but also took me to places sexually and relationship wise I had never been before. Despite this, for some reason I kept needing/wanting the men that took what they wanted with complete disregard for anything else.

I was not going to give in on what I wanted as I couldn't get it out of my mind. As a result probably got what I deserved. This is why I believe the approach needs to be open and honest with all possibilities taken into account.

My husband was the first to propose to me, though I had been with many other men before him. The guy I had fantasized about, the one that took what he wanted, was also the guy that years ago told me never to come to his apartment again as he found someone he thought he was going to marry. Then years later I fantasize about him. Seems screwed up. I say to myself--be careful what you (me) wish to have.

Bob, be sure you are both good with what is about to happen. Make sure you support this and make sure it is what she needs to have.

 

[kimcarl]

Bob, one more thing. I would have never been able to see my husband humiliated. This would have never worked. You should address where you two will go, how far you will go, with issues such as this.

I got caught up in some things I read. But in reality, no other man would have ever been allowed to degrade my husband. I know this for fact. I would have never gone along with this behavior.

You are seeing this different than my husband, the getting excited part. He said "why cant it just be us."

Still, know your limits, her limits, and talk about this issue.

 

[markieboy]

When my (later to be) wife and I started dating, I sheepishly told her (more she dragged it out of me) that I had always fantasized about a relationship that would be wife led and that I was very insecure about intercourse due to my size and lack of experience. While she was fascinated by that, when she later pulled down my pants for the first time and saw my little penis, her attitude towards me changed immediately and I was dropped from being a potential serious boyfriend and relegated to the very interesting friend zone. We continued to date and became quite close and a year later, when she graduated from college, she moved into my townhouse. At that point we were more like roommates, with a bossy one and a sub one. She often brought lovers home and I gave her the big bedroom in the townhome. Over the next two years we evolved, with fits and starts, into a femdom relationship.

Though we have now been wed for years, I can say that my willing cuckold nature and deference to her friends with benefits and more serious lovers has absolutely lead to her viewing me much differently than she would a more alpha male. We both happily accept that I am her homemaker, nanny to her daughters, social secretary, work helpmate and general assistant. Though she often consults me on family issues, it is a foregone conclusion that her way is the right way.

In our relationship then marriage, we were searching for the right tone until her second great affair. Her then lover, Jack, was absolutely insistent that my sub role be cemented at home and whenever 24/7 permanently. At the time I was a bit upset with him, but as I look back at it, Suzanne and I were confused and a bit bumbling about how to form our relationship. Jack’s very firm hand and guidance created the structure for our female led marriage and she (and hence me) have stuck with his dictates for years after he left the scene.

From our experience as well as that of several other couples who are friends of ours, I am strongly of the belief that once your wife has cuckolded you, with your open consent or tacit approval, she will never view you as quite the same. And once she finds a lover who truly launches her to heaven, taking her where you cannot (which will be much easier for both of them once she views you as a lesser man, a cuckold), there will be a power shift in the relationship that is permanent. If she wants that power shift, as my wife did and does, you two will be fine. The problem will come if she does not.

My wife has always wanted a very dynamic career that is a top priority and she revels in her job as an attorney. She decided, for many different reasons, that having a husband who would follow her lead and support her career and home was the best way to go, so long as she could have intense affairs with more dominant men that she would view as her equals. In this we are both pleased with our roles. In fact, I am delighted, as otherwise I doubt I would have ever been part of a family, raising wonderful daughters and loved and appreciated as I am and for what I am.

The fascinating thing for me is watching her, at those special times, when she is with a truly dominant lover, become coquettish, even submissive with him. I am truly fascinated at that transformation and simply in awe of it.

So yes, I will side with those on this site who say that, once the threshold has been crossed there is no going back and you will be in a different relationship. It can be a great relationship, but it will be different. The question will then focus on how you both react and accept the new reality.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Bob,

I'm sorry to hear all that Kimcarl, i don't hear as much of the perspective of a woman pushing it as much as the man.

I agree that well thought-out contributions from women are very valuable. We are gradually getting more of them on this forum. The rate of increase seems low, but there are many more women contributing now than when I first "joined" this forum in 2006.

In my case, it was a reaction to her having sex with a man at an event we both attended. I was oblivious at the time. Later I learned the details from someone else. Ultimately I began masturbating [while thinking about her extramarital fuck]. It has been mentally consuming. I have the impression from my wife that [fucking another man] resonated for her.

Ah... so, you have some natural cuckold tendencies. And, it sounds like your wife is inclined toward becoming your cuckoldress.

So, do I pretend it didn't happen? Or, do I bring it out into the open and potentially open myself up to becoming my wife's cuckold?

Fortunately, you don't need to speculate about the answers to these questions because your wife has already made you her cuckold. To help you see this, I'll remind you of the definition. It is, "cuckold: a man with an unfaithful wife."

Your only problem is to decide what kind of cuckold you want to be. If you "pretend your wife did not fuck another man" (option A), but your wife found "that resonated with her," then there's a fair to good possibility she will find further opportunities to fuck other men behind your back, leaving you to seek sexual satisfaction by masturbating at home (behind her back, as it were) while she is out with her other men. As one cuckold put it a while back: "I'm sitting here reading this forum, typing and beating my weenie, while my wife is out getting fucked by a sausage."

If you bring your wife's extramarital fuck out into the open (option B) (actually, it sounds like you and she already essentially did that), and have a discussion or perhaps start a series of discussions about the possibility of her finding increased sexual satisfaction by taking lovers, then you can put it on a more straightforward basis with a possibility you and she might rule it out, if you agree that's the best way to proceed.

We're supposed to meet up with this guy [a potential "bull" for my wife] two weekends from this one.

In agreeing explicitly to meet with another man, which includes an unstated agreement on your part that if your wife likes him she will probably fuck him, both of you have taken a big step. Prior to meeting him, you should definitely spend some time... probably quite a bit of time... talking with her about this over evening glasses of wine.

He [my wife's potential lover] says stuff [to me] like: "This is your destiny."

Yeah, yeah... it would be more convincing, or at least seem more like something to be concerned about, if your wife said stuff like that to you. Coming from him, it sounds more like wishful thinking.

Or, "Don't chicken out, you need to arrange this meeting 'like you promised' (but, I didn't promise anything)." And, "He will keep 'his promise' to fuck my wife."

This continues to sound like wishful thinking, combined with semi-skilled conning ability.

A rule of thumb among attorneys (mentioned by a friend whose wife was an attorney) is: "Never respond to a direct question with anything other than a question." In this case, you needn't respond to pressure from some guy you've never met about how he will "keep his promise to fuck your wife" in any definite way. It would be appropriate to respond only with questions of the kind you might ask if you were interviewing him for a job. For instance, about how he envisions his relationship with your wife developing, how often he thinks he would like to take her to bed, what kinds of things he envisions doing (in and out of bed) with her, etc. Include practical questions, like: if he takes your wife out for dinner and dancing then they spend the night in a hotel room, who will pay...? In other words, keep the ball in his court.

Part of me is turned on by this idea, but another part of me is scared and is asking, wtf am I doing?

What are your wife's feelings (from what she knows) about this guy you and she are planning to meet, and what are her thoughts about the possibility she might find him attractive and want to fuck him?

Who, so far, has been driving this process? Has it been you, or has it been your wife, or (a third possibility) has it been you in response to perceived pressure from your wife...?

—Custer

 

[Godess]

Godess: this is not an easy question to answer. I follow this lifestyle but not like in the past. Now the idea of being treated like some men treated me in the past scares the hell out of me.

.

But would you seek a cuckold type relationship again?

 

[ainwee]

i am also on the crossroads. I have told my wife about this fantasy of mine and she hates it. but last night she said if i want it, she will do it for me once to get it out of my system.

I dont know what to say to her. She says either i let her do it now or dont talk about this fantasy anymore. I dont think i can live with any of these options. I mean if she sleep with someone once i am scared what happens afterwards. She said that she loves me too much and will do it and come back to me. ( she doesnt know all about cuckollding and other fetishes along with it, she just thinks that i want her to sleep with another man and enjoy herslef)

Now i dont know how to tell her that if she does it once, i dont want her to stop or its not just a one time thing and my fetishes are far more stronger than this. and on the other hand i also dont want to do it just for my sake, i waant her to do it for herself, to pleasure herself to be sexually free.

PS: she was virgin when we got married and i am her only lover. i could never make her cum by sex only by sucking her. and i am slowly introducing her to dominate me in the bedroom and she doesnt mind it. I know its a long rant .. but i am just so confused.

 

[Saraha]

i am also on the crossroads. I have told my wife about this fantasy of mine and she hates it. but last night she said if i want it, she will do it for me once to get it out of my system.

I dont know what to say to her. She says either i let her do it now or dont talk about this fantasy anymore. I dont think i can live with any of these options. I mean if she sleep with someone once i am scared what happens afterwards. She said that she loves me too much and will do it and come back to me. ( she doesnt know all about cuckollding and other fetishes along with it, she just thinks that i want her to sleep with another man and enjoy herslef)

Now i dont know how to tell her that if she does it once, i dont want her to stop or its not just a one time thing and my fetishes are far more stronger than this. and on the other hand i also dont want to do it just for my sake, i waant her to do it for herself, to pleasure herself to be sexually free.

PS: she was virgin when we got married and i am her only lover. i could never make her cum by sex only by sucking her. and i am slowly introducing her to dominate me in the bedroom and she doesnt mind it. I know its a long rant .. but i am just so confused.

Give her the "go-ahead" to do it once to please you, then a couple of weeks later you can discuss it with her and she will let you know whether she would like to keep doing it for a few more months to catch up with the same number of sex partners than you had before marriage.

It will be a big emotional thing for her to do, seeing as you are the only man who has touched her naked body - BUT she is keen to try sex with another guy, so don't change your mind and upset her.

 

[kimcarl]

But would you seek a cuckold type relationship again?

My husband was always in charge; he ran the home and all that was involved. I liked this aspect of the marriage.

This could be a problem for me. My husband had somewhere in the range of 45 athletic trophies and the space where he kept them is still bare because I cant bring myself to placing things there. I would be attracted to marriage again only with a similar man. This is the type of man that would likely go find another woman in the process.

My husband would attract the attention of cashiers at stores and other places. He has an in-charge style.

Right now marrying a lesser man is not what I want. I clearly wanted the best of both worlds, I admit. As for wanting a cuckold relationship, I would forgo this in favor of a relationship with a man like my husband. But in time I may accept that my life has forever changed and move into new territory, including cuckolding.