My Thought on Cuckold Psychology - Part 1
Hello Doc, et.al,
I appreciate your efforts (and perhaps dilemma) with regards to seeking a therapeutic/ clinical (and even a layperson’s) understanding of the cuckold lifestyle (LS) by seeking practitioner’s testimony. Certainly the peer reviewed literature and the DMS (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th edition text revision--- DSM-IV TR) do not address this “disorder” in any meaningful way.
SOME BACKGROUND INFO - I am a heterosexual male who has been involved in the cuckold LS for over 6 years. During much of this time I have carried out unscientific research into the LS, through literature review, internet searches and first hand experience. Like others here, I have been searching for the underlying (scientific/psychological) reasons for this (apparently) rapidly growing sexual phenomenon.
My wife and I got into the cuckolding LS via couples swinging. It’s my view that many cuckold relationships start out this way, with both partners having sex with other couples. After a period of time, for one reason or another, some swingers stop swapping and the wife begins to play exclusively solo (or the couple participates in threesomes).
I believe that a great majority of swingers are driven by the female’s desire to have sex with other men. This appears logical because without the woman’s permission men/husbands would never be able to have sex with other women. Conversely, an interested man’s permission is pretty much guaranteed since many are eager to have sex with other women. I’m sure that there are exceptions, and, in fact, I have met couples where clearly the man was in charge and the woman was (reluctantly) going along with the deal.
I believe those of us who are truly involved in the cuckold lifestyle (LS) would agree that many of the representations of the LS found on the internet are exaggerated fantasy. Likewise, a significant number of posts on this and other forums are someone’s idea of how the LS should be and/or are also erotic fantasy.
It appears that the psychology profession views practiced cuckoldry as a form of “troilism”--- a “mental disorder” where there is an erotic interest in watching one’s romantic partner engage in sexual behavior with a third party, sometimes while hidden. A common example is a husband watching his wife having intercourse with another man. Thus, a cuckold gains sexual gratification out of watching his partner have sex with other people.
As everyone here knows, there are numerous twists and turns in this LS, including FemDom cuckoldry, ****** feminization (sissies), Black Bulls, connotations humiliation and implications that the husband is helpless to stop his wife’s infidelity, and too weak or cowardly to leave his wife: “today the term is making a resurgence amongst non-monogamous couples with a dominant female allowed to take on additional partners, and submissive male who is not”. A cuckold fetishist that is aware of his spouse's sexual activity and tolerates these activities may also be called a “wittol”. In the fetish cuckolding subculture, the “victimization” of the cuckold is a major element, be this fantasy or not. The female (hot wife) is typically sexually dominant, while the man takes on a submissive role, only becoming involved with her or her lover when she permits it—sometimes remaining altogether celibate (and perhaps locked in chastity).
A similar sexual practice is Candaulism, which consists of the masochistic and/or sadistic pleasure in which the husband exposes his wife, or pictures of her, to other voyeuristic people. Sometimes this behavior is taken to the extreme point of allowing sexual relations. By definition cuckoldry is distinctly different in that it involves a control difference between the partner that is having outside sex and the partner who is not.
CUCKOLDRY AS A FORM OF PARAPHILIA - First, at the risk of losing my audience, I think it’s important to briefly summarize how the “doctors” formally view cuckoldry. In a sentence, cuckoldry is viewed as a form of paraphilia. “Paraphilia is a biomedical term used to describe sexual arousal to objects, situations, or individuals that are not part of normative stimulation and that may cause distress or serious problems for the paraphiliac or persons associated with him or her. A paraphilia involves sexual arousal and gratification towards sexual behavior that is atypical and extreme”.
Paraphilial psychopathology is not “normal” diverse adult human sexual behaviors, such as sexual fantasy and/or sex play. Consensual adult activities that may involve some aspects of sexual role play, novel, superficial, or trivial aspects of sexual fetishism, or may incorporate the use of sex toys are not necessarily paraphilic. (It’s interesting to note that homosexuality was at one time categorized as a form of paraphilia). Paraphilial psychopathology includes the following behaviors often associated with cuckoldry:
Troilism (cuckolding) - watching one's partner have sex with someone else, possibly without the third party's knowledge.
Voyeurism - Watching others while naked or having sex, generally without their knowledge; also known as scopophilia or scoptophilia.
Autogynephilia - A biological male imagining himself as a female.
Gynandromorphophilia - Women with penises or men cross-dressed as women (perhaps wearing panties and other lingerie)..
Masochism (BDSM) – Suffering, being abused, bound or otherwise humiliated.
Transvestic Fetishism - Having a sexual or erotic interest in cross-dressing--- wearing clothes associated with the opposite sex; also known as transvestism.
And then, of course there’s the desire for “erotic humiliation”, the consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated (it can be verbal or physical), often (but not always) in conjunction with sexual stimulation of one or both partners in the activity: “Humiliation in general stimulates the same brain regions that are associated with physical pain”.
CuckoldMick (more)
