She Is His

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  • #501
Ahh, I can see the confused way I've shared my thoughts on this. I don't believe her hope is to "feel nothing sexual" with me this weekend. I actually think it's the opposite - she wants to feel herself desiring me more than she's feeling me, for lack of a better way to put it, me masturbating in her. I don't think it's that she doesn't want to feel anything sexual - what I understand is that she wants to feel her own desire for me still there (which I no longer doubt given her comments when watching me on Wednesdays). So it's not that she doesn't want to feel anything sexual from me, it's that she wants to feel it from herself. When she says she doesn't want me thrusting away or that, I understand it to mean that she wants it to be what she wants - and for now, I can accept that she just wants to feel me again. (I'm hoping she'll feel good and tell me to take a few strokes).

2 other things that I wanted to share before going into the weekend. One is that I think this is also her way of keeping things in check next week. As someone posted - to do this now, just before she goes away. I have the feeling that she wants something to keep her from perhaps going too far, etc. But the other thing is that she has surely re-ignited some non-beta desires in me from all of this talk and her plans for next week. I know feeling her - for however brief - is already something I find myself strongly looking forward to. The feeling that I have is that she wants me to move back towards some desire for her - and I think she's going to accomplish that. I'll just add, playing psychologist, that maybe this is her goal. All of this banter with everyone here online has given me pause to more deeply think about what I"m feeling is going on in all of this vs. what you all perceive. And this is something that I would believe she has thought of.
 
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  • #502
SoonToBe said:
Ahh, I can see the confused way I've shared my thoughts on this. I don't believe her hope is to "feel nothing sexual" with me this weekend. I actually think it's the opposite - she wants to feel herself desiring me more than she's feeling me, for lack of a better way to put it, me masturbating in her. I don't think it's that she doesn't want to feel anything sexual - what I understand is that she wants to feel her own desire for me still there (which I no longer doubt given her comments when watching me on Wednesdays). So it's not that she doesn't want to feel anything sexual from me, it's that she wants to feel it from herself. When she says she doesn't want me thrusting away or that, I understand it to mean that she wants it to be what she wants - and for now, I can accept that she just wants to feel me again. (I'm hoping she'll feel good and tell me to take a few strokes).

Steve, thanks for the re-phrasing. Of course because we only hear your side of the story and your (unintentional) filtering of what Sue says / does none of us, your readers, have a true full picture.

The re-phrasing does give a totally different, perhaps even opposite, spin on your discussion. I truly hope that this is Sues take on the discussion rather than my (and clearly others) understanding of post #494.

I will wait your reporting of Sundays events and the discussions following it with interest.
 
  • #503
STB
i hope you and Sue have a great. weekend and you have a very happy fathers day.
keep us posted.
 
  • #504
Well Steve, I guess the countdown has begun. In fact I suppose it'll be two countdowns won't it. One to get in and then a much shorter one to get out! It's certain to be memorable though. I wonder what you have planned to be 'different'. Good luck.
 
  • #505
Had a moment. She's been drinking a bit today and is VERY playful and she's been teasing me about "having her" later today.
I have to run back out to the backyard but she's out there in her bathing suit and all I can think about is her pussy beneath the thin material.
 
  • #507
Ha. Steve just listen to you. Is this the same man who said just a few weeks ago he was now content and happy to go the rest of the year without ever getting inside Sue's pussy. It's amazing. A true miracle that wife of yours has achieved. Can't help feeling she planned it well.

I was going to say that it would be right about now that the event would be taking place, but then I realised that by the time I had finished typing this it would all be over!
 
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  • #508
Well, after the kids left last night - I'll just say simply that we wound up making love last night - and it was intense.
Surprised the both of us but it was totally spontaneous too. She had already warned me that I was to use a condom (which we did) and that again, she wasn't sure what she wanted to feel. But our kids both left just after dinner about 6pm or so and she was still in her bathing-suit and cover-up and after we'd been drinking a bit more, I told her what I'd been thinking about.

With us both a bit buzzed, it happened so effortlessly, but I told her honestly what I was thinking about and held nothing back. At one point I told her that she will need to probably wash her bathing suit bottoms with all of his cum that's going to seep into them. She squealed at that and laughed out loud and told me that she will need to take extra panties with her too. Our teasing kept going even as we went inside. At some point she told me that "it's time" and she giggled and said something like "I want to see what I've been missing".

I will also say that as I let myself go with the talk and teasing, that I was getting intensely horny and hard. As she shared how she wanted him to fuck her (missionary of course) I really did start to get the urge to have her. I have some weird feelings about that right now but yesterday evening, well, lets just say I think we both felt different.

She put on a sexy strip-tease and told me that she wanted me to see how she's going to be with Paul. I told her the truth, that I loved watching as she took off her bathing suit and got naked that she'd be doing the same with him soon. Seeing her emerge naked really turned me on - I think even more because she's not terribly sun-tan yet and looks a bit pale still - it just got me hard and I told her so. She walked to me and took one of my hands and guided a finger down to between her legs. "feel how wet I am baby...". And she guided a finger into what I can only say felt amazingly warm and wet and welcoming! She moaned softly and then teased me and said "we'll get there baby" and she lay back on the bed naked and just spread herself as if to welcome me.

I thought we'd just be kissing and that stuff and that she'd let me know when the time was right. And it did start that way but it didn't stop nearly as quickly as I'd thought - and instead, it turned into something far different. I could feel how she felt in my arms and my god it'd been a while since I'd felt her this way. Even now, it's re-ignited some feelings I'd not felt in a while - but feeling how she felt and yes, I'll say it, knowing she's been sharing that with Paul - wow. Watching is one thing, but it'd been a while since I felt us both responding together. And yes, while it felt amazing - it felt both old and new. I didn't suddenly plunge my fingers into her or suddenly take her breasts into my mouth and begin sucking at them. No, it just felt hot and arousing - and - I'll say it - almost NEW.

I actually felt nervous and cautious at how I let my hands caress her. Looking back, it truly felt like we were mutually seducing each other but incredibly slowly. She hadn't touched my cock - not since we'd laid down together on the bed. My hands were still on her shoulders and holding her hair as we just kissed. I felt her breasts and hard nipples against my chest and I could feel and hear her breathing as we held each other.

She masturbated and let me watch and as she did so she motioned towards the nightstand and I knew there'd be a condom there. My god in a way it felt so good to put it on and she smiled as I stayed really hard - how could I not as she was not very openly playing with her pussy with one hand and caressing her body - from her breasts down to her clit - with the other.

We hadn't talked - I still thought I was honestly going to simply push into her - enjoy it for as long as I could and then maybe - hopefully - take a few strokes and then pull out.

It started that way. She began to moan and I could see (and knew from before) she was wet and she motioned for me to move between her legs and she said "rub it up and down..... slowly......". I held my cock and I slid it up and down between her pussy lips. The polyurethane condoms really seem to let me feel her - I put a drop or two of lube inside it before pulling it on and I could sooooo feel how warm and soft her pussy felt. That and I could feel my cock absolutely throbbing. She got up on her elbows and said "put a little lube on" and she watched as I spread another drop or two all over the outside of the condom. "Okay baby...." was all she needed to say and I started to lean forward and I guided my cock towards its old home. She'd told me that she just wanted to feel me so I didn't rub her pussy or play with her - actually she did quite well at that herself.

She was the one who had to look up at me and say "well, do you want it or not?" as I just stayed there rubbing it gently up and down. I told her I wasn't sure how much control I was going to have and she smiled and said "just go slowly". And so I did.

Oh my god - what did I give up. The moment I felt her pussy lips spread and take in the head of my cock I felt such a surge of arousal it was amazing!!! She pushed me back right away as I guess she said "go slower, I could feel it too much too soon".

It was agonizing but at the same time - it was amazing. Even now it seems like we were there for hours but really, it was more minutes. But again, pushing into her a second time and now feeling the head of my cock slip right into her. Oh my god - I just can't describe how it felt to me. I felt her vagina open up and snug around the head of my cock - and yes - I will say it openly - all I could think about at that moment was how the huge head of Paul's cock must feel in her where mine was right then.

She asked me to pull out again and I told her that I couldn't keep doing that but she pushed me and I slid back out. I watched as she plunged her fingers in and then I realized she was spreading the lube from the condom around her pussy. She moaned and told me that she was almost ready and then eased me back into her. I thought I was going to almost cum at that moment but she held me still and that helped. It was a moment after that when I heard her moan softly and still with her finger rubbing away at her button - I could feel her relaxing inside a bit more and opening up.

I was ready to move in more slowly again when I felt her legs cinch up behind me and surprise to me - she suddenly pulled me forward and almost all the way in. She moaned loudly and I could tell by how she clenched up - legs and otherwise - that she needed a moment. Again, her finger began feverishly rubbing herself again, and after a few seconds, I could feel her open up again inside and this time she let out a soft moan. I took a tentative thrust - pulled back a bit and then pushed in and I could immediately feel that she'd cum just then - it was slick and wet now and my god - it took all of my control to push back into her gently and not slam into her. She moaned softly and relaxed her legs around my butt and she looked up at me and said "go SLOW!!!!" was all she said.

But it was her, a few thrusts later that pulled me forcibly back into her just as she'd done earlier - her legs suddenly pulled me in. Again as I thrust very gently deep in her - I could feel her orgasm again. The few and slow deep thrusts were amazing but a second later I looked at her and grunted "I"m close". She looked up at me and smiled and - all I can say is that I could feel her pull her legs back even wider and she just whispered "it's okay". I took 2 more thrusts before it really recognized that she was going to let me cum. In the 2 more thrusts that I needed, she let go into another orgasm herself. I stayed deep in her as I finished and I could feel her orgasm also subsiding.

We held each other for a long time after that. I just whispered to her that I loved her and she said the same but we just stayed hugging with her head right next to mine - for a long time. I stayed so hard in her that I was scared she'd be annoyed or mad about it but it felt so good to just hold each other and feel each other. We kissed and as we did she reached down and felt for my cock and the condom around it and then she slid me out of her as I got up on my knees. A HUGE load of cum filled the tip of the condom and a lot of the rest of the condom. I apologized to her as I settled back and knelt there before her. She giggled and said "that was a lot more than I thought we'd do......" and a second later she said "but I"m glad we did...."

After taking the condom off and wiping up a bit we lay in bed together and she told me that she was glad we had "made love" and I told her that I was too but that I was sorry that we didn't do as she'd wanted. She smiled and said "I wanted it honey".
 
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  • #509
We lay in bed together afterwards and a few minutes later I turned to her and asked her if "...this was a mistake?".
She smiled and said "it's more than I'd wanted baby, but I wanted it....." and after a pause she added "... and it was what I wanted honey.... I know I hadn't planned on all that, but..... well....... you felt good in me and...... it felt good baby.....".

I told her that it was amazing and I told her honestly that I felt things, needs and that stuff, that I hadn't felt in a long time. I apologized for cumming in her but she shushed me and said that it was okay for her. She asked me if it bothered me that I'd cum and I told her that wasn't it - that it was awesome cumming in her - but that I knew it wasn't how she'd wanted it to go. And I said it - I told her that I didn't want to "disturb" what she was doing with Paul. She giggled at that and said "no baby.... you don't have to worry about that..." and then she told me that this wasn't going to be something we did more often. I told her that I wanted her to fulfill what she needs to with Paul and reminded her that it was okay with me for her to do so. I even told her that while I will surely miss her when she goes away with him, I told her that I was still very turned on ( she giggled and said she could tell ) and that I wanted her to go with him. She hugged me in a way that was even more passionate than after we'd just cum a few minutes earlier.

She also made it clear that she "very much liked" me using condoms with her - and she even said that it let her relax even more with me knowing I was using one with her. I told her that she knew it was okay with me and she giggled that "it surely was" but she looked at me and in a more serious tone she said again that "you're going to use them as long as you still need to feel beta baby...... it.... it still seems right to me....". I kissed her - I didn't say anything - she knew it was okay with me.
 
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  • #510
I have to say that my responsiveness last night surprised me. I had run through the thought of how it would be when I did experience sex with her again, much less share an orgasm with her - and honestly, a part of me was scared that I might turn it down or not be able to complete/cum with her.

It is also giving me now quite pause in considering my beta-ness. I didn't feel aggressive towards her, not until she seemed very receptive so I'm not sure what that says about it. I will say that I do feel bad or a bit amiss at having fucked her and cum with her - does it mean that I"m not quite so beta? I don't know. I don't think there are any definitions out there.
 
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  • #511
Sue has said that she will always have a lover so does that mean you will always be slightly beta? Either way, its a nice reminder to have a dip in her pool every so often. If I read what Sue is saying, its that it was nice to have sex with you but once or twice a year will do. Besides the anticipation was probably amazing and will be again for next time.
 
  • #512
SoonToBe said:
I have to say that my responsiveness last night surprised me. I had run through the thought of how it would be when I did experience sex with her again, much less share an orgasm with her - and honestly, a part of me was scared that I might turn it down or not be able to complete/cum with her.

It is also giving me now quite pause in considering my beta-ness. I didn't feel aggressive towards her, not until she seemed very receptive so I'm not sure what that says about it. I will say that I do feel bad or a bit amiss at having fucked her and cum with her - does it mean that I"m not quite so beta? I don't know. I don't think there are any definitions out there.
she let you put your dick in her, but you were still totally beta about everything. your dick was essentially a small dildo for her.
shes having a fuckfest with a big dicked man outside of her marriage and youre still talking to her as if she were a virgin in Victorian England...all apologetic and grovelling....and then the condom.
until you use her the way he does, youre all beta.
but it keeps you wanting more.
edit: and after reading the below post, maybe this IS what she wants.
 
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  • #513
I think this was a test Sue made for you. I think you passed her test with flying colors. The fact that you admitted to feeling nervous and unsure about how and how much touching to do during your lovemaking tells me Sue has achieved what she has wanted, at least in regards to you. She has woven a spell, a fairytale of sorts, so elaborate that even she could not keep to her own script, and has you apologizing to her over it. She had you questioning yourself whether making love with your own wife was a mistake!! Sue's questions, the fears and concerns she had over things feeling like old times, I think were safely put to rest. You have been programmed over these past couple of years. What was once a confident man has now been reduced to a confused, nervous, and scared individual when it comes to his wife and her body.

Steve, please don't take anything I have written as beating up on you. No way is that the intention. No. Your success at finally getting what you have been wanting has been achieved only by Sue molding and shaping you into what she has been wanting. In a recent post, you commented about 25+ years of sex with Sue and something about her turning away from all that. I don't see it like that. I see it more as a chapter in a book Sue treasures. A chapter that has been closed. I think Sue is being honest with you on most everything. She is telling you she will not ever go back to monogamy. In that statement is where you should be looking for answers as to how things will be in the future for you. She has also said there will always be times when you are denied.

I don't think Sue will ever look at you as an equal, sexually, ever again. It would very difficult, if not impossible, to unsee and unlearn all she has seen and learned now. Too much of Sue's past has been rooted (No pun intended), in her being submissive. She can't go back and submit to you now. She no longer sees you as someone she can give all of herself to. She will need a someone on the side, whether they meet the standards of posters here or the dictionary definition of an alpha, that she can surrender all of herself to.

Thanks for all the detailed updates! I don't comment like I used to or even visit this site everyday. Yet, I do continue to visit and keep current on your threads. Keep on enjoying your adventure!!
 
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  • #514
I don't think there is much point in debating how Steve should / could approach the future until at least a week after Sue's golf trip. I'm pretty certain now that Sue sees it as an important milestone, that it will help to sort out her feelings for Paul and that after she will start to turn back to her husband to see what remains of the man she sidelined. I don't think any serious debate / discussion will start until any aftershocks of the event have cleared and sane thoughts return. Pretty much anything before then is likely to get buried in the mudslide which starts next week.

Having said that, it seems that Steve's unexpected weekend has started that ball rolling a little early so I suppose another bit of speculation won't do any harm.

Firstly, I don't believe that Sue wants a permanently emasculated husband going forward. For many years, both of them happily combined Sue taking lovers with Steve having an equal and loving sex life. Steve was not beta and never really mentioned being beta. So we know that Sue can continue to fill in her sexual gaps with others without Steve being beta. One does not imply the other. Since Steve started down his beta road, he has made repeated attempts to create this link, but that is justification in my view, not Sue's desires. The fact that Sue has been able to use it to fulfil her own urges this year and last is her good fortune, and one she continues to skilfully exploit.

This weekend saw Sue show Steve more of what he is missing. Sue controlled it, of course, but then Steve in his shock never tried either to make love to Sue in any new way, or even a copy of ways he has seen work with her in the past. Sue is going to have to be careful in coaching Steve back to a new performance level. Exactly like retraining a golfer who has lost his swing or putting action going back to lessons to regain lost skills. What I am sure happened is that Sue got a feel for the man she has all but lost and Steve got a rude reawakening from his complacent belief in the joys of denial. That they both really enjoyed this brief and almost artificial encounter is testimony to the real passion that still lurks buried within each of them. The timing for its brief emergence is too early though. It's not Groundhog Day just yet. The one crucial point is mentioned almost in passing by Steve. Sue doesn't believe she can make love with her husband without condoms unless he gives up being beta. This warning has been said by Sue many times now. He seems to see it as his magic escape route but it something far deeper for Sue. She has repeatedly said that her greatest sexual feelings and orgasms occur bareback, indeed at the point where she can feel her lovers come deep inside her. That is the moment where she shares herself most, where her sexual soul touches the man she is with. Looking back at the few times Sue has had sex with Steve in the time since he declared beta, it is almost as if Sue is trying to kick start an engine that used to run in him but which has died. She has used the statement as a bribe and as a threat in the past. Now she simply states it as a fact.

This year, this experiment between them needs to play to its conclusion. To end it early would leave either or both frustrated and seeking a conclusion in some other way. Sue though, has pitched her needs for the 'forever' man in her life, and he's not beta. He is likely not alone either, another is likely to stand next to him but this will be purely a lover, a man whose only attribute of note is his superior sexual skill set. This is the core message that Steve needs to accept and one which he will not even think about for another month maybe. It is one which is not going to go away though.
 
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  • #515
@SoonToBe first, the way that you have expressed yourself and described what happened physically & mentally is back to you at your best.
There is so much in your posts and the follow up comments.

I think that it is great that Steve and Sue have had this re-connection, but as @peakmb said this was all controlled by Sue...
- whether it was for her to test whether she still felt an obligation,
- or as a reminder to Steve of what he's been missing in his "his complacent belief in the joys of denial",
- as a "reward" to Steve for her forthcoming 5 days away,
- or as something that to ramp-up Steve's "jealousy" while she's away
only Sue knows :)

Personally I have never believed that Steve is a true beta, and I think that @Jaxunman is spot on when he says "You have been programmed over these past couple of years" and that Steve will take some time to re-program.
As Peak also said Sue wants a non-condom using Alpha as her forever man, so at some point after this Steve had better get on with that re-programming
 
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  • #516
Jax,
Much as I agree with much of what you said, you did misquote me at the end and the difference is important. I didn't say that Sue's forever man needs to be Alpha. Her lover might be, if she wants that but her forever man needs to be her equal. Steve can fulfill this role well. He has been both her Alpha and now her beta. He can sensitive to her needs and dominant when Sue needs it and submissive when she wants that. He just needs to accept that he needs to step up sometimes and that his skills needs a bit of a repolish (to say the least). He can do this. Sue wants him to do this. He just needs to want to do this.

But just not yet. They both need to get the current experiment out of their system.
 
  • #517
Once a wife witness's a husband go completed beta, I am not so sure that she can or will ever look at him as an Alpha again although she might eventually see him as an equal. I would agree that Steve could come back from being beta to be an equal although the question is, can Steve ever truly become that Alpha again that Sue seeks from her lovers.
 
  • #518
SquirmingSub said:
Once a wife witness's a husband go completed beta, I am not so sure that she can or will ever look at him as an Alpha again although she might eventually see him as an equal. I would agree that Steve could come back from being beta to be an equal although the question is, can Steve ever truly become that Alpha again that Sue seeks from her lovers.
Ordinarily I wouldn't think so...but I wonder what would happen to his status if he fucked another woman, in a more alpha way?
 
  • #519
In looking at the way things have progressed and with what I see Steve share of Sue's thoughts, I am thinking Sue prefers Steve to be her beta and that is not an uncommon thing. Many couples arrive at this arrangement. The wife has her husband on the sidelines as her submissive while she herself has one or many lovers whom she is submissive to.
 
  • #520
@Jaxunman Actually Sue is far from submissive to Paul, it's true that she's pushed him to be more dominant, but it's clear that she's the one in control of him!
 
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