She Is His

[peakmb]

Gents, I had decided over a week ago to back off posting here but I keep getting drawn back! I will just say that you both tend to use Steve's usual POV on this issue which is that he has evolved into a great place that is working well for him and for Sue. You seem to ignore the fact that I keep saying exactly the same thing. Although not for everyone, he clearly is generally happy where he is right now and so it seems is Sue.

I won't repeat myself too much, only to say that I don't believe - for them - this position is sustainable. The stress may not occur this year even but I believe it will early next year unless dealt with. That's me out again!

 

[ShadowCuck]

Peak - you may be right about the current situation being untenable for any long term. Only time will tell. It’s been evolving for some time now, and we’re almost eight months into Steve being an excluded cuckold, with only one limited experimental vaginal penetration. Lots of teasing and outercourse, though, and if they find this satisfactory...

The only constant is change.

 

[SquirmingSub]

Peak - I understand, I know I do not post on the thread much any longer compared to how much we all use to post on it.

 

[SoonToBe]

Had a little bit of time this morning. It was actually good that Paul was here Friday night as my hellish day continued into the night. I was working and on calls having to keep the door close to our office to keep people on the call from hearing her/them in the other room.

I think though, that perhaps what we talked about over the weekend is of more interest than me recalling their sex again. Although I do have to say that I do love watching them and if I can even say so - I think she's enjoying it perhaps even a bit more now as she's been alluding to me for a while now. She's told me, when sharing some of what I'll call "girlfriend talk" with me that she's surprised she still gets as wet and aroused as she does even post-menopausal. She says that unless it's when she "uses condoms" (was her not-so-veiled reference to me) she rarely ever needs to use any lubricants. And she giggled and added, again not sure if she really remembered it was me when she added "and surely not after the first time".

I only watched them (well, and masturbated) but couldn't stay much longer than watching them share their final orgasm together along with mine. She turned to me after she'd caught her breath and smiled and mouthed "love you" which made me feel awesome right then even if she did turn back to kiss his neck right afterwards. I cleaned up what I'd added to the messy bed and went back to work in the other room. But I told her the next day that while I did wish I could have stayed longer (she knew, to maybe clean her up a bit) I told her that it did make me feel good to pull the door shut behind me and leave them.

It led to us talking a lot over the weekend. He left early on Saturday as expected and it was quite erotic for me to climb into my own bed and feel it still warm and to then move over to her and feel her still naked beneath the covers. She reached over and felt that I was again hard and smiled and I told her "I'm always hard like this when you've been with him baby". She cooed in my ear that she loved me and pulled me over to spoon up with her. I went to pull her close and she put her hand behind her butt and kept my distance as she guided my cock downward and away from her and then let us slide closer together. She moaned softly that I should "be careful" down there or it'll be messy. I didn't ask as I knew what that meant. She felt my hard cock against the back of her thighs and she told me "you can take care of that if you want..... I'll still be here to cuddle with when you're done....". She turned her head towards me and she whispered "I'll tease you if you want". I rolled onto my back and let her see my hard cock as I started to stroke and she rolled towards me and whispered "did you hear him this morning?" and I moaned back "no". She said "oh, he was quite loud when I let him have me".

She was so playful it surprised me, I'd expected panties and silence. She seemed to take exquisite pleasure watching me so horny so quickly as she told me how she'd slept naked with him and how they'd peed together (she knows that turns me on even if it sounds gross) and then how she'd lay back and "gave him his good luck charm". I moaned loudly as she told me how she liked making him feel good and how even when she's not particularly turned on - how she can still enjoy giving him "that pleasure of cumming in me". I grunted as she said it and spewed all over her stomach and the bed in between us. She giggled that it can be part of the rest of the stains as she wiped it off her stomach and let me lick it off her fingers. It took all of 5 minutes if that long and she kissed me and then we snuggled back in together. This time she allowed my now soft cock to nestle right between her legs resting against her pussy.

We lay there for a while. I think we both even dozed off a little bit. I know she felt so warm next to me. She let me feel her breasts as I hugged her and she let me linger for a while. I told her honestly that it turned me on that Paul had probably been where I was just then and she snuggled into me and she told me that he was and that she hoped I was okay with that and she pulled me close and murmured that I had nothing to feel concerned about "if that's what you're thinking".

It led to some pretty open honest talk between us. I told her that after this long and after how he is with her (more that he just ups and leaves to go play golf or whatever else about his schedule) that I didn't feel any threat or concern from Paul "stealing you away from me" and I told her that if anything, that knowledge and comfortable feeling about him is probably what's let me relax and enjoy what we're doing. Now we'd already talked a lot as I'd shared so this was sort of a more girlfriend conversation and I told her so. I told her that I liked hearing her tell me more about herself and how she's feeling I told her that I liked hearing her tell me that she gets really wet and aroused with Paul. She told me that she too liked how it felt and she confirmed what Shadow had said, that she liked knowing this all turned me on and made me feel good as "I don't know if it'd feel the same otherwise". She asked me if I missed feeling her and I told her that it still turned me on that she would fulfill her sexual desires with Paul and not me. I told her that while I definitely had times when I wanted her - that I still felt comfortable in the more beta role. I told her that it still felt weird to me that I wanted this at times but that I had accepted it that it's what I am feeling right now. She turned to me and said that is what she wants for me and that it's what she'd like to continue enjoying herself. I told her that I felt like there were times when I would perhaps want more sex between us and I admitted that sometimes when I am masturbating that I really have desires to have sex with her. She smiled and said she knew that and she loved knowing that and she asked me if it was okay that it turned her on to know that and to "not let you have me?" I told her yes.

After that we talked a bit more openly. She told me that she is enjoying what we're doing and that knowing I am truly okay with it has really let her expand her horizons and allow herself to enjoy Paul more when she is with him. I mentioned that I would have thought they would have been spending more time together - and she surprised me by saying that they both like the "intense once a week" and that it was him that had said that this was really good for him and that they both felt it kept things exciting for them to look forward to and not become something that became ordinary. She giggled and told me honestly that she likes how she feels as she gets hornier and hornier as the end of the week or weekend approaches and she knows she'll see him. She also said she loves how it feels to be around me and for her to feel horny but know she doesn't or won't have me. She's said that seeing my cock, seeing me masturbate - it gets her really horny for him. I told her I loved her being able to tell me that.

Ugh - gotta get on a call now. More later.

 

[SoonToBe]

Something else of substance to share before going off into the more trivial stuff. Sue is well aware of my experiences back in college, especially the night at the frat-party where I witnessed a ********** take on what I would say was tens of guys all bare and I didn't participate. She has long told me that she found it kind of gross to think about but she also understands that it was well into the sexual revolution and sex was safe back then. But she has brought it up at times before and it came up again yesterday when she casually asked me if I thought I was somehow reliving that experience again through her.

I told her honestly, that I'd had the same thoughts many times and that I was sure that there was some connection there. She talked to me very openly and she asked me if I remembered masturbating long ago after that frat-party. I told her that I had, many times. She asked me if it was something I thought about still and she said it was okay if I did and she reminded me that she thinks back many times to times before me. I told her yes and she told me that it's okay. She actually said she too loved getting to know more of what's in my head and how some of my own past has made me how I am today.

 

[Curt Bruch]

Hmm, I recall that Sue has made mention of things in your past that caught her imagination and that her raising such topics was the preamble to her initiating and introducing the same 'activity' into your present. Do I sense that by her expressing this interest in that particular period of your history that she might looking towards inviting other lovers to share her so that we might be soon hearing of the gang-bang she suggested as a present to you in your very first post to this forum? Just a thought!

 

[ShadowCuck]

Sounds like a fantastic ongoing journey into intimacy.

 

[wockaWocka]

Shadow,
That Steve is currently excited by her denial is the current balance to this, and no doubt vastly enjoyable to them both, but neither are being directly sexually excited by the other and the longer this goes on, the greater the danger that one or the other will find difficulty in the future in doing so. Steve in many ways displays the characteristics of an addict in this area, always searching for a higher fix, believing he can drop it any time he wants, but being fed in his addiction by his wife, who has her own reasons for continuing with it. I don’t and wouldn’t deny that it works for them at the moment. I just don’t believe it can last or end without pain.

This is very insightful. And it's not like either partner imagines this outcome and is indifferent to ending the primary relationship. The communication seems so strong that hopefully it doesn't end badly.

STB is in a tough position where there is clearly some negative sexual history with his partner and she has discovered her own sexual identity with that negative history more or less unresolved. STB, maybe you want to discuss with her more her feelings about sex with you when she felt more something to be masturbated into. It will likely be a challenging, emotional conversation. But I think addressing that aspect of your relationship will improve intimacy and perhaps make some small step to addressing the history and changing alongside your beautiful partner. Definitely not something to discuss before going to sleep!!!

Be very careful about her making too many connections to the college frat memory and today. Her value judgement about the woman in the story sounds very negative. The caution is: be sure she doesn't make some sort of emotional connection to "being" that woman she doesn't value and some sort of modern reliving that memory. PeakMTB's general point about searching for a higher fix applies here.

It's so nice to read about couples that can communicate and trust each other so much. My comments are only meant to preserve that.

 

[ShadowCuck]

It’s so hot that she is turned on precisely by not letting you have her when she know that you want her, and then turning that arousal to Paul’s benefit, and being turned on by giving to him what she is choosing not to give to you. It’s even more hot that she understands that the “denial” is arousing to you, and that her arousal over that “denial” adds another layer of arousal to you, and that she is further aroused by your arousal, and your delight in the mixture of unfulfilled longing and arousal. I imagine both of you must be soaking your underwear on a daily basis just from getting all wet with arousal! Good thing uou have work to do!

 

[ShadowCuck]

It’s very “meta,” not just beta!

 

[SoonToBe]

A few new things to share. One is that we are going away for a few days. Yes, Sue and I. We're heading up to the Boston MA area, going to see a few old friends and take some time off of work. She told me after the hellish week I had last week and how crazy things are this week that we should take a few days early next week and extend the weekend and escape. I asked her "what about Paul" and she replied that she would like to again see him on Friday night of this week and that we can leave to go away for the weekend on Saturday morning.

Regarding reminiscing (lol - not really what you'd call it) back to college - it's not that we talked about it extensively but more that she expressed it to me was what I felt was significant and that she'd mentioned it in a positive way. I don't believe she would ever want to be a part of a gang-bang but I've been surprised in the past and while she's never actually said no, it's just not something she's ever sounded favorable about.

So - I guess the thing I can share is that she's continued to share more of her thoughts and feelings with me, more of what I'd call her girlfriend-talk. I asked and she answered more about her wearing panties when she gets home. Again she reminded me that she hoped what she shared wouldn't bother me - but she told me how she feels when she's with him and is naked - how comfortable and how he makes her feel so beautiful and sexy - that she really likes how it feels to be so at ease with him and she even giggled that she still remembered how she used to not feel this way. As we talked she shared that my beta feelings were a big part of her finally allowing herself to really relax and let another man fully have her. I told her that it made me feel good that she was able to do that which made her blush and she admitted that it felt so good to let herself do so. It was then that she looked at me and said that after she's been with him like that, that when she gets home with me, that she sometimes it just feels better to her to keep her panties on when she gets home. I told her that I knew some of that but loved hearing her tell me more and I told her that "it's okay if that's how you feel". She smiled and held my hand tightly and she continued talking like I was a girlfriend. She told me "after what I feel with him" that she admitted she felt uncomfortable letting me see her afterwards. I told her that I see her all the time when they're here together and afterwards and that she doesn't feel she has to wear panties after those times. She smiled and said that "it just feels different" and she admitted that while the sex is as good when she's alone with him or when she's here at our house - that she "feels more" with him when she's alone with him. "After being away with him.... it just felt better to me to keep them on for a few days....". I told her it was okay and both that I understood it and I told her "it turned me on too". She smiled at me and said "so I shouldn't feel bad about it?" and I just said "oh honey, no.... " and I told her that I knew that it would feel different for her and that "...it turns me on that "... he had you so much...." which made her giggle and I said something about being turned on by "you... you know... feeling... 'used' down there". She blushed at that but smiled and said she loved that we could talk like this.

 

[ShadowCuck]

Steve,
You may have articulated this before, but I’m wondering if you could describe more fully what you mean by your “beta feelings.” What are those thoughts and feelings, and when do you feel them? Also, if I were to have the chance to ask Sue about your beta feelings, what would she tell me about them? What would each of you say, do you expect, about how those beta feelings are a part of your respective experiences. Honestly, I think that, as exciting as the physical sex parts of the story are, its the mental and emotional parts that are most exciting and compelling to me.

Again, thank you for sharing this rich and exciting story the way you do!

 

[SoonToBe]

It's hard to put them into words but I'll try. I think for me, the most-beta feeling is the odd feeling of pleasure of knowing about her sexual fulfillment with him. I suppose it's best summed up as a surprising feeling of satisfaction at the sex we do have together (or lack thereof) and it's fulfillment in a vicarious way. I actually find myself envious not of Paul at times, but of her pleasure with him - and it's strange feeling of intense relief and contentment at masturbating to that idea.

I will admit that I do long for sex with her. But at the same time, I have to say that there is a sense or this arousal and fulfillment and both my own denial of that as well as her now more open enjoyment of that. I admit to being scared at times that we very likely could not return to "how it was" and yet that same thought excites me beyond imagination.

I feel natural and now, quite relaxed about ceasing some types of sexual interaction with Sue. Yes, it is even more intense that it is the most intimate acts that I've stopped - but that again is not something I can explain any more than why I do not like eggs or anything else with no apparent answer.

I do feel that 7+ years of experience with her and other men - added to the 20+ years of time together before that - surely gave me a lot of confidence and trust and love with her to let something like this surface. And once it did, it became very interesting to see signs of this in earlier days for myself. It did make it easier to accept in my own mind why I have allowed and even encouraged all of this.

Today is July 26th, it amazes me that I haven't been inside my wife now in 6 months and 26 days. And yet, I so love how it feels between us seeing her body and knowing of her sex with Paul and merely only enjoying that much of it. I do believe she loves me and wants me to feel at ease with all of this and that too has made it easier for a lot of this to have gone to where it is. I also know that this has gone well beyond "just doing it for me" and that she is now very much enjoying the sex with him - but I also feel she is also relaxing about the sexual interplay between us. Which again, is simply making it all that much better. That she lay naked next to me last night and at times sat up 'indian style' with her legs crossed - and teased and taunted me about "seeing Paul's pussy" that what may seem cruel or humiliating doesn't to me - if anything it seems so focused on me and how she seems to craft and think about what she says and how she says it to increase my pleasure. Her reaching over and cradling my balls just as I was about to cum last night was just heavenly. She gently held them and just barely squeezed them in time with my spurts that it felt amazing to me. I lay there spent and moaning and trying to catch my breath as she giggled and got on her knees to play with my cum.

I think it's my almost preference for a time like last night with her vs. intercourse right now that is also something of a beta feeling too. I know it took a huge step for me to tell her I wanted to try this. But I so feel like she has understood me and figured me out to make this feel as fulfilling as it does even without intercourse with her. So for me, beta is surely the actual desire I have to continue our new years resolution.

 

[ShadowCuck]

Steve,
Thanks for that look into your thoughts and feelings and experience. I have to say that I really appreciate what you are sharing here. I find it very helpful for processing my own fantasies that I have only been able to acknowledge and share with my wife within the last year.

It hasn’t been much more than a week, but I find myself wondering, “What’s going on with Steve and Sue?”

 

[dana007]

STB
is everything all right with you and Sue.
it has been awhile.
keep us posted.

 

[Curt Bruch]

To those who are fretting at the 'absence' of Steve and his updates I would say, it's Summer and even Cucks deserve a vacation! Whatever you are up to Steve, enjoy and along with others Iook forward to your return.

 

[SoonToBe]

I can share that when we went away we talked a lot. And while still scary to think about sometimes, we talked a lot and we have both come to the conclusion that we like what we're doing right now and that neither of us should need to reconsider or over-think it. Some of our talks were pretty brutally open and honest - she said many things that have made me realize just how far we have gone into the beta-direction with me.

Much of this is repetitive - but it felt different this time as I think we both realize that we needn't color responses just to please each other. She was honest and said that with all that's gone on, that she would find it difficult to see me as other than beta now and she asked me to be honest and not scared of the future but to tell her how I feel now and I agreed, I am definitely beta and I told her that if anything I felt more strongly about it than less. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh to anyone reading this, but it is the truth about how we both feel right now.

She admitted that she was hesitant about letting this continue, but now agrees with me and many others here, that marriage can be good or even better in some ways and that where we are now doesn't have to mean it's bad for her and I and our relationship. She said that a lot of that she feels comes from me and my ability to accept my own desires and that as she's felt me be more comfortable and calm, that it's also let her explore her own feelings more.

She insists she doesn't love Paul in a romantic way and that while she may truly enjoy being with him - as she said - it isn't her heart that draws her to him - and she admitted that she has become very almost intoxicated by their sex together. I told her that I know this from seeing and being with them.

It seems somewhat anti-climactic to say this here - but I think we are settling into this as our "new norm" and that I think, at least I am but I think it's been a bit of a surprise at how we both have felt this is what we want. I asked her if she thought our desires moved together or if I influenced her or if she influenced me. We talked for a while on this and the only conclusion we could come to is that we both genuinely feel good doing whatever turns the other on. We talked very frankly and openly about if and when we'll resume intercourse. She was happy at my willingness to accept being intimate just a few times, perhaps once or twice for the remainder of this year and she in turn admitted that when she lets herself, she can get excited about sex with me, but that for the most part, she wants to direct that desire towards Paul. I told her that it was okay that she wanted him more than me and she smiled at that and said that "it's just how I feel right now" and that she was sure it would change over time. I told her that for now, it was okay with me and as she had said - other than generalities, we don't need to try to forecast the future.

We talked more about how it made me feel to give up being intimate with her. I told her again and as I'd shared here - that I was scared of many things - that if she saw me as less of a man then she may change how she felt about me - and that if she enjoyed sex with Paul too much - that again - it would cause changes in our relationship. As I mentioned above, she was quite honest and said that our relationship has already changed and that she still felt it was paining me more to seem to almost want to resist it at times. She emphasized that she loved me no less and perhaps even more that I was able to share with her my deepest desires no matter how different they are. She knows we share an emotional bond that is even stronger now than ever and I guess she sort of maybe finally put at ease my concerns about how this would change things for us. She said it's not a bad thing for her to see a different side of me and that it actually makes her feel good about everything when she can see that I truly am relaxed and comfortable about everything.

She did admit though that Paul continuously cumming in her - and me not - that she does feel it's had an effect on her. Perhaps not chemically or hormonally or pheremonally - but mentally she feels now so at ease with him sexually that she thinks sharing that with him has influenced her to want him more and again. I told her she could tell me anything and she admitted that at times she feels incredibly fulfilled sexually herself and she simply said "feeling his cum in me is a big part of it". She was surprised when I simply said to her "I'm not expecting that" and she smiled and said "I wasn't offering it to you" and she said quite candidly that my using condoms with her was something she had come to like and enjoy. I told her honestly - that if and when we do have sex - that to me, it just felt appropriate that I should use them. She smiled and held my hand and again said that she loved that I could finally tell her stuff like that and that I should feel good about it.

I'll end here with one of the funnier moments of our conversations - I told her as I'd shared here - that it turns me on to give her to Paul. That maybe I'm secretly bi-sexual or whatever that I am living and enjoying her sexual realtionship with him vicariously but I made no secret that I am still as or more turned on by what we are doing now. She laughed at what I'd made her think and she giggled that I'd probably have been such a slut if I were a woman.

 

[peakmb]

Steve,
You have indeed entered a new phase. Or the Twilight Zone depending on which way you look at it. I admit that I thought a few days away would have triggered some residual sexual desire in you and also in Sue. It must be the first time you have ever reported on a holiday period that didn’t. The time out of your usual background has previously always triggered it in the past. It’s almost as if the person that wrote your posts for all those years, all his values, all his passion and desires and hopes for the future has gone. You are indeed in a new phase.

Your posts have also changed. You have hardly talked about your own orgasms with Sue for well over a month now, hardly about the times she has spent with Paul. Even though you say this is what excites you now. Instead you have repeated what we knew already, that you are currently very happy to not have sex and that this makes Sue very happy too. The fact that this may continue for longer than you ever imagined, and the realization that both of you may never be able to swap back is now dealt with as an inevitable position. Something merely that perhaps you should have known all along. Except of course all along you would have been horrified at the mere thought of it. It’s as if you are still trying desperately to convince yourself that you believe it all to be true. The Steve of even last year, and certainly the Steve of the eight years before that would never have thought that could ever happen. His fundamental core values were against such a permanent state. So which is it. Is the first nine years of your narrative a smokescreen for your true feelings, something you wrote because you thought it’s what you should have said, leaving only this year where your true feelings are revealed. Or, are the previous years fairly accurate and this year you are hanging on to your latest experiment wondering where it all went wrong.

Many have wrote, and convincingly, about how they live in a similar way to your current sexual life, but they would say that they pretty much always felt this way and even though it may have taken them multiple partners and many years to get there, they are happy to be where they are because that is what they always wanted. You don’t fit this pattern at all. A desire to be a cuckold does not imply it, nor suggest that you wanted to get there. I just can’t believe that a person can shift so fundamentally in such a short time and remain happy at a core values level.

 

[far2easy]

Glad to hear you’ve been able to be honest with yourself and accept your beta self calmly and rationally. It definitely okay to be where you are. As you’ve shared, it doesnt mean you or Sue love each other less, it just means that you’ve both decided that her sexual satisfaction is more important than your needs on penetration. I think its great uou’ve gotten to this point, you will be closer without ber pussy. I’d just make sure that you get to enjoy being with them to share in your new sex deom time to time. Cleaning is your role now!

 

[AlreadyThere]

Steve, welcome to the crossroads. What you’ve experienced over the past decade can be kids’ stuff compared to what lies around the corner. Your situation is so parallel to mine a couple decades back….



We met and married in the 80’s; not a first marriage for either of us. My wife would have passed as a body double for Anni-Frid Lingstad of ABBA, complete to the empty, sagging breasts with upturned nipples, face, hair, camel-toe and tummy. She was perfection in every way imaginable and – I believe, emotionally in-love for the first time. Sex was great… for the first year, and then…. It became one position, TV remote in right hand, let me know when you’re finished. Further, she adamantly refused to discuss anything regarding sex/our sex life. Everything else about our life together was perfection.



I know over the years she’s had boyfriends and lovers although she’s extremely private. (I’ve remained monogamous throughout our relationship). There’ve been subtle signs over the years and a couple times I’ve found physical evidence when she’s been careless afterward.



My philosophy: a person is going to do what she/he/they want to do. If they cannot do it openly, or refuse to admit they have the desire, they will do it in private. (I’ve condensed a book to four paragraphs but will get to the point now).



The last time for me was over eleven-years ago. With a combination of ED, age and lack of reciprocation, I concluded my hand and vivid imagination were better. Everything else in the marriage remained perfection. If she wanted to continue with her private life, I wasn’t going to confront her.





I first read She Is His, and now your other, preceding documentaries. Presuming I comprehend what you’ve written and haven’t read anything into it, you are at a place where your (and her) pleasure can go ‘off the scale.’ You are where I was eleven years ago, except you have an open – nothing forbidden – avenue of communication with your wife.



If I wore your shoes, I’d sit down across the table, and give her exclusive rights to everything except the emotions you feel for one another. If you absolutely trust her to remain emotionally true to you alone, what could be a better affirmation of love than to openly give her that freedom. Give up your (marital) right to her body and her sex, and rely solely upon your emotions, non-sexual affection, and what she chooses to share with you.



She derives tremendous pleasure from watching you masturbate and playing with your balls and etcetera. Give her that exclusive right to control the scene while you reach your gratification from what she wants to give you, along with your communication. If she allows unsupervised masturbation whenever you desire... great. If she says, "Only under her direct supervision," enjoy it to the max.



If she enjoys nudity with Paul alone, foreplay and sex with him exclusively, give her that right to exclude you. A weekend alone with him… whatever her desires, allow her that freedom with no strings attached. Trust me when I say… when you’ve gone six-months without seeing, and then get a glimpse down her blouse… your libido will go over the top.



Granted, it takes a long time before you realize… it isn’t yours any more, but while that mindset develops, and every day thereafter it’s a literal constant head trip that far exceeds anything physical. Giving her that control – FOREVER – knowing you will never have the right to her, makes everything she gives you in the future, better than anything you’ve ever had.



I’ll conclude this for now, but will discuss it further if you want. My wife has reached an age now (mid-70s) where I don’t believe she has playmates any more, but taking things in hand, I continue to have the best orgasms imaginable by thinking back to those days….