Ma’am,
With the moderator's permission, the book I suggest to all women that desire to take control of their marriages or relationships is "The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance" by Mistress Lorelei. What sets this book apart from the typical BDSM "how to" is that it is not written from a BDSM perspective as much as it is from a dominance and submission one. Instead of teaching you how to whip your mate, the author sheds much information on how to make him desire to submit and serve your pleasure. In fact, Mistress Lorelei explains that BDSM needn't even be part of the relationship.
Also, please accept my apology, as I was remiss in addressing certain facets of Dominance and submission that are unique to a cuckold arrangement. These must be approached carefully as there is danger of undermining your husband’s emotional security in your marriage and may cause him to want you to terminate your relationship with your lover.
If I recall correctly, you have stated in another thread, that you were introduced to this lifestyle by your husband. If this true then his fantasies regarding it will aid you in achieving the level of dominance you desire over him and encourage his submission to your lover as well. You will need to speak with A and obtain his cooperation for the following.
Ask A to always refer to you as “your wife” when he speaks about you with your husband, but to always refer to your pussy as his. This should be done in a respectful manner as it does several things. It reassures your husband that your lover is acknowledging your marriage and is not trying to destroy it. It establishes the Alpha male/beta male hierarchy in the bedroom. It also subtly instills an understanding that while your husband may own your affection and loyalty, your lover owns your sexuality.
Examples: “Doesn’t your wife look especially sexy tonight?” or “ You’re a lucky man to have such a beautiful wife.” Then in the bedroom A might ask him to “get my pussy nice and wet for me with your tongue” while the two of you make out and after intercourse he could tell your husband to lick his pussy clean for him.
After ******** him to this concept for some time he appears accepting of it, you can then advise him that while you love him, will always be his wife and would never leave him, that A is your preferred sexual partner and that he has first right to your sexuality. Advise him further that while you will gladly give him hand-jobs, in order for him to enjoy intercourse or you performing oral sex on him, that he will need to respectfully ask your lover for permission. This will place him in the position of being very accommodating to the desires of your lover and take him further into submission. You should ask A to always give his permission, at least in the beginning, but to do it in a way that puts you in charge.
Let’s say your husband calls your lover to ask him for intercourse. He should ask very respectfully such as “A, sir, may I please fuck my wife?” Your lover should ask him to put you on the phone, preferably by an extension or speakerphone so your husband can hear him ask you if your husband has been good. If he has then you should say yes and A can then tell you that he would like for you to allow your husband to fuck 'his' pussy as long as he makes sure to lick you clean afterward. Then your husband should thank him for the privilege of enjoying his (A’s) pussy. Occasionally, to reinforce your position of dominance over your husband’s desires, you should have a reason to change the type of sex your husband is permitted. If he asks for intercourse and A gives his permission, you should ask A to let you give your husband a blowjob instead because your feeling a bit of cramping. Of course, as previously arranged, A will say OK, a nice blowjob for your husband it is then, and then he’ll ask your husband if that’s OK with him. If your husband whines, A can tell him to use his hand instead. If hubby’s smart, he will respectfully thank A for his consideration. You will naturally take advantage of this opportunity to advance your husband’s anal training, which should always be part of his enjoying your oral talents.
Later, A can assert his ownership of your pussy by occasionally denying your husbands request for sex, perhaps saying “ not tonight, in fact I don’t want you to eat her either as I want your wife really horny for me tomorrow night.” He can also invite your husband to share his pussy after a good fuck session with you by saying ”before you lick my pussy nice and clean, would you like to fuck it? You don’t mind if I let your husband have a little do you, Babe?” You should reply that it’s his pussy and if he wants to offer it to your husband that it’s OK with you.
Of course, you should enjoy having your husband perform oral sex on you whenever you desire other than when refraining from allowing him to do so as part of his training.
By this point everyone’s roles will have been defined, you rule the roost, your lover shares control of your husband’s sex life and your husband should be doing his best to please both you and your lover for the privilege of enjoying A’s pussy, his own orgasms and the joy that submitting to your pleasure brings him.
By making small advancements in his submission, over time you will have your husband performing oral to completion on your lover, taking a good pounding from your strap-on, perhaps even taking the real thing from A while you enjoy his tongue. A fun thing you might try is to have your husband suck A to erection and then get into a position where he has A in his rectum and is giving you oral. Neither you nor your lover are to move. You husband is to do his best to make both you and A orgasm at the same time by using his ass to masturbate A and his mouth to bring you off. If he succeeds, he gets a reward, if not he gets a spanking or some sort of punishment. You can change this around by getting one of those “Feeldoe” style dildos that can stimulate you while he is fucking himself on the other end of it and sucking your lover off. Again, he has to do all the work to get the two of you off.
If you bring him along slowly and lovingly, your husband can be everything you want him to be. Just be careful to not undermine his trust that you love him. This doesn’t mean to be afraid to take the control that you desire to have over him. In fact he NEEDS you to take control. Just keep in mind that although A may be a fantastic lover, the heat with lovers tends to fizzle out over time, so to think of leaving your husband for a lover would be foolish. You can always find another lover, but where else would you find a man that will dedicate himself to your happiness and not only allow, but encourage you to enjoy a healthy sex life with other men. Plus indulge all your kinkiest desires.
Hope this helps.
Respectfully,
will
