Are Cuckold marriages real?

[mistyD]

Misty D,

Your reply is very well thought out and articulately expressed. I have been one of 'those guys' since I was 18, 'those guys' being guys who like having a gf/wife that other guys get to have sex with. I have certainly wondered why I enjoy that aspect of life but I have never delved too deeply into those feelings, and certainly not with a mental health professional. I may be afraid to discover the root of my sexual preferences.

I LOVE to watch other guys with my wife but I also love just knowing that she is having sex with other guys, even when I don't get to watch. The juxtaposition of a loving suburban wife and mom also being a cock-craving slut turns me on. I like being around other guys, in normal everyday situations, who are fucking my wife or who have fucked my wife.

Trying to ascribe traits to people based upon their gender (and forgive me, but I believe that their are only two genders) is difficult, as there are many variations of interests between and among genders. I do not consider, straight, Bi-sexual, or Gay to be genders but behaviors driven by whatever forces.

That being said, I think that generally, men get turned on by what they see or visualize and women get turned on more by what they hear and feel. Men are much more visual. Men can watch porn for hours, and I think that women who do watch porn at all, tend to only watch it long enough to get off. The porn industry did not prosper based upon women viewers.

Guys can and will screw others with little regard to the feelings involved. Sticking one's 'thing' into other people is much less intimate than getting someone's 'thing' stuck into us.

The original question was about cuckold marriages being 'real'. I forgot to mention that in over 20 years of lifestyle fun, and from attending swing clubs, National and Regional lifestyle conventions, and vacationing many times at Hedonism II in Jamaica, we have met and become close friends with many lifestyle couples.

We tend to gravitate towards other couples like us, who prefer for the wife to play with other guys, as opposed to couples swapping partners. We have been friends for many years with several local couples like us who are in very long-term, very loving and supportive marriages. Personally, I have never lived in a monogamous relationship. My first wife and Kate were/are both hotwives.

The dream can be real...

Rob

Rob,
It is definitely real, I just didn't know about it that's all. I still don't know another couple in this lifestyle. Maybe that's what drove me to come to this site.
But one thing I want to comment on ...and I think this is a common theme I see on here...."The juxtaposition of a loving suburban wife and mom also being a cock-craving slut turns me on." In high school I was a slut for sure. Now, even in this lifestyle I don't consider myself that way although there are times when I want to go back to the high school feelings but I won't let myself because I think they were destructive and caused me to feel self-doubt and have deep insecurities . Having sex in front of my husband is something HE wanted. Not me. I don't think on its own that it is slutty. Yeah we got into this because he found out about an affair. Now, if we were in some different forum, like some deep analysis forum, you could certainly argue (and maybe it's correct) that having an affair is "slutty". Just depends on your Definition of that word. Now, I'd be the first to say that it can get wild and depending on the mood and the setting the language can get graphic. Is that slutty? I say it's just part of sex. My definition of slutty is for someone who has loose morals. Even that seems open to lots of debate. If anything you could say my affairs (he didn't know about all) were loose morals and therefore slutty. That could be deemed slutty, but having sex in front of him as an agreed upon thing....nah, not in my book anyway.

And then there's this term "cock-craving". I don't see the connection that having sex in front of my husband is cock craving. It's sex -- maybe with a twist but he and I could be having the sex (which we do). There's not really a craving here. It's not like I'm saying honey I can't get enough sex so let me find other guys cuz you are too tired. It's NOT that way. And I cannot speak for others but I would guess that it's not about a sex craving (I could be wrong here), it's about a kinda kinky way for a couple to find sexual gratification. I think it's just as gratifying for him as it is for me. I know he cums very very fast. He loves this. Takes me longer, much longer but I enjoy it (usually). In fact, I would say it's MORE gratifying for him than me. This is just me and everyone is different, but when we are doing this, I don't always have a climax. I can enjoy it without a climax but doesn't always happen for me. He always always does. And oh, the guy I'm with always does too.

And finally, I'll come back to a point I think I made in another post...this lifestyle my dear, is a guy thing. The woman isn't saying...sweetie, please watch me in front of another guy. The woman isn't saying...honey, will you please fuck another woman in front of me so I can watch. Nope.

So, Rob, I would argue that your wife is NOT a cock-craving slut. She is doing this for you. I'm not suggesting she doesn't enjoy it, but my guess is she's doing it for you. Enjoy doesn't equal slut and enjoy doesn't equal cock craving. Hope that doesn't lessen your sexual enjoyment over watching her or hearing about her dates.

 

[CTWifeBlackCockSlut]

Some guys shelter in fantasy because they cant face the reality of their own lives. Ive noticed this a lot with guys who give themselves the title of "bull'. They always seem to be single, lonely and desperate for any attention, even from men.

I have to agree with that

 

[CTWifeBlackCockSlut]

No need for ad hominin attacks.

My point was that you did not mention that you vetted him before sex, therefore, you are giving bad examples and bad advice on here. Your fantasy story - if taken seriously - is dangerous to new people in the swinging world. When you pretend to be experienced, people take your advice and stories seriously and when you leave out the fact that you vetted your swing partner for STDs and you went to a stranger's house to swing, you put people in danger.

Jacking off and making up a story is one thing but pretending to be experienced and relating stories with bad advice is quite another.

And Yet you continue with the ad hominin attacks yourself, accusing me of jacking off and making up stories about our experience. It must be so nice to live inside that superior world you have built for yourself inside your mind. YOU DON'T KNOW ME AND HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ME ON THE BASIS OF A SHORT RESPONSE TO A BLOG QUESTION! YOU ACT AS IF YOU ARE GIVING SENSIBLE ADVICE TO THE GROUP AND THEN THROW YOU FALSE AND MALICIOUS ACCUSATIONS ABOUT OUR EXPERIENCE AND THE VERACITY OF MY POST.

 

[mistyD]

Thank you Misty, I think you have hit the nail squarely on the head in those last paragraphs. And I might add that it was one of only a few posts on here that I sensed was truely honest.

My wife and I were swingers up until about 2 years ago when my wife informed me she no longer wanted to do it any more. I respected her decision but as she would not say why I searched for answers in the hope I could rectify whatever the problem was and change her mind. By retracing our swinging past in my mind and looking at the pics and vids of the good times we had I came to the same conclusion as you. She was just doing it for me. She was just trying to be what she thought at the time was being a good wife. The times she looked the most happy, excited or proud in the pics/vids was when I was being pleasured, not her.

When I was looking at swinging sites for contacts she would never get excited or ask can I see the pics?, how big is his cock?, is he fit ? etc. For her it was just when and where?

This also became clear when looking back at the other wives. There can be a lot of jealousy in swinging, particularly among the wives. Often just a subtle bitchiness in the background but clear to me the wives were not over-excited to be there. This was also obvious when it was nearly always the wives who wanted to go home once the husband was satisfied even though they clearly werent.

Cock-craving? I very much despise the use of the words slut or ***** and tend to wonder on the metal stability of those that use them as they always come across as vindictive, not sexual. But of the women I have known who those types could call sluts, whores, or cock craving, are those women who have mental/emotional problems or those who are not really after sex but attention, attention they are not getting at home.

I would like to conclude this post with a warning. As I have stated before, this is mostly a fantasy site where fetishes/fantasies are exaggerated to the point of being ridiculous. However as the Nazi propagandist Joseph Goebbals said "Repeat something often enough and it becomes fact" such fantasies can become dangerous for marriages/relationships. I have known several couples in initially good relationships that have failed due to the male getting sucked into the nonsense and then believing there is something wrong with his partner because she wont take on another sex partner or agree to a gang bang with a group of 18" BBC's. Just get a laugh out of it and move on.

Wow, I like totally agree with everything you said here. Like everything. but then you were agreeing with me, so this is like a self-licking ice cream cone.

For me, I think I was starting this because I felt badly for him that he found out about me having an affair. In my heart I really wanted to just leave and say - I fucked up and not cut out for marriage anyway. (There was another affair that didn't last long that he still doesn't know about.) And deep in my heart I do think I'm not cut out for it. The affairs attest to this. So, I was doing this because it would maybe make him feel good. And like wow, did it. He loves this. For me, it's just OK. Sometimes it's very very good. But I will say sometimes it's that way with him too! I just need the right mood, then things can get very hot for me. He knows this and is good at, by himself, creating the right mood. If somehow the mood isn't good, then it's hard for me to be aroused no matter how much of a good lover the other guy is. Here's a for example - we can have a nice dinner, the 3 of us, and then go to a Hilton...but if the sheets don't feel clean to me....ick ick and no matter how good he is, I will feel like there are little creepy things crawling on me. Anyway, it doesn't surprise me that your wife said she doesn't want to do the swinging stuff anymore. Not one bit.

Regarding your last paragraph, I guess I don't question much if the person is just making up a fantasy or not. It doesn't really cross my mind. I do think many guys (whether or not "really" in this lifestyle) somehow feel that big fat cocks are more pleasing. Since they aren't a woman, I'm not sure how or why they came to that conclusion. I doubt their wives told them that. Like what wife would say, sweetie I wish you were bigger! Geese, she knew his size before they got married. They get this from some porn site. For me, it's far more about the total package and the total process of creating an arousal in both of us. My experience in this lifestyle, just mine, is that (1) my husband is hard before he can get his pants off. Like really hard. (2) the guy I'm with is totally hard before he can get his pants off. I find this nice...BUT if he knows what he's doing he will know that I may or may not be aroused yet. He needs my arousal in order for him to fit nicely no matter his size, but especially if he's bigger than most - he needs me to be aroused or else it will be uncomfortable for both of us, at least at the beginning. So, for the process to be good for me, it's not so much his size as it is can he be good at making things work for the both of us. All the while, my husband has probably already finished. So, when guys rave about giant cock size....it doesn't make me think they are exaggerating, I think they believe that - and it really can make the total experience better, sometimes far better. Yeah, let me finish by saying if the guy is a good sex partner, then if he is also a bigger endowed sex partner, it can be really good cuz -- well things rub better and this feeling of being full is hot. but he can be huge and also a poor sex partner, maybe cause he thinks his size makes him good. It doesn't necessarily . And, he can be "average" sized and be a fantastic sex partner.

 

[robandkate]

We've been in the lifestyle for about 15 years now. I had fantasies about L fucking other guys since we started dating, but it took a few years after we were married for me to confess them to her. I'm pretty sure my fantasies came from jealousy wen we were dating - she was still in college and I (10 years older) was already out in the workplace. I was always suspicious that she might be fucking other younger guys on campus while I was away during the week (I only visited on weekends). The more I ruminated about it when I was away, the more I began to fantasize about it while I masturbated to imaginary scenes in my head.

I'll add that L always presented herself as a "good girl." I was her first sexual partner, and back then she was always shy about sex talk before and after we fucked. When my jealousy initiated fantasies of her infidelity, it gradually led to wishing she was more "slutty" in real life. I began to buy her more revealing clothes, and after guys began giving her more and more attention, she embraced showing off a bit more - going without a bra and leaving another button undone on her blouse. At first I assumed she did it just to please me, but it wasn't long before I could see how she began to enjoy strange guys hitting on her. When it happened in public, when I was with her, it amplified my fantasies in an unbearably angsty way. I was excited AND jealous, but the excitement outgrew the jealousy in time and I would casually drift away from her when it happened, high on thoughts of them flirting (and her getting wet while doing it). It was the start of my understanding that I had been obsessed with the Madonna/***** conflict. I wanted her to be my sweet, faithful girlfriend/wife during the day, and an uninhibited slut in bed with me at night. Eventually she agreed she was also caught up in those same feelings and started hotwifing to escape her past and shed her "good girl" image. She came to love showing her sexy side, dressing a bit more scandalously, teasing other men at social functions (especially strange men she found hot when we were in public).

It's real for us in the sense that L and I play with it at our leisure, when one or both of us gets the itch. More than anything, it's been the stunning change in her over the years that's made our sex life so hot. She'll likely never be what many consider a true "slut", but her confidence and comfortable sexual freedom is amazingly hot to me as her hotwife husband.

That's pretty hot that your jealousy drove you to masturbatory fantasies about L with other men. I have read posts by several different men that hen they realized that their gf/wife was cheating on them it turned them on. I believe that people in relationships who have, or desire, sex with other people are not looking for 'better', they are just looking for 'different'.

One of the hottest aspects our lifestyle is that Kate is a wonderful loving mother and wife. Straight people who know us (we have other lifestyle friends) have no idea and would never guess that she has sex with men other than me, both alone and with me watching. We were always active school activities and we have wonderful (straight) friends.

The juxtaposition of a loving wife and mom and a cock-loving slut with other men drives me wild.

 

[robandkate]

Rob,
It is definitely real, I just didn't know about it that's all. I still don't know another couple in this lifestyle. Maybe that's what drove me to come to this site.
But one thing I want to comment on ...and I think this is a common theme I see on here...."The juxtaposition of a loving suburban wife and mom also being a cock-craving slut turns me on." In high school I was a slut for sure. Now, even in this lifestyle I don't consider myself that way although there are times when I want to go back to the high school feelings but I won't let myself because I think they were destructive and caused me to feel self-doubt and have deep insecurities . Having sex in front of my husband is something HE wanted. Not me. I don't think on its own that it is slutty. Yeah we got into this because he found out about an affair. Now, if we were in some different forum, like some deep analysis forum, you could certainly argue (and maybe it's correct) that having an affair is "slutty". Just depends on your Definition of that word. Now, I'd be the first to say that it can get wild and depending on the mood and the setting the language can get graphic. Is that slutty? I say it's just part of sex. My definition of slutty is for someone who has loose morals. Even that seems open to lots of debate. If anything you could say my affairs (he didn't know about all) were loose morals and therefore slutty. That could be deemed slutty, but having sex in front of him as an agreed upon thing....nah, not in my book anyway.

And then there's this term "cock-craving". I don't see the connection that having sex in front of my husband is cock craving. It's sex -- maybe with a twist but he and I could be having the sex (which we do). There's not really a craving here. It's not like I'm saying honey I can't get enough sex so let me find other guys cuz you are too tired. It's NOT that way. And I cannot speak for others but I would guess that it's not about a sex craving (I could be wrong here), it's about a kinda kinky way for a couple to find sexual gratification. I think it's just as gratifying for him as it is for me. I know he cums very very fast. He loves this. Takes me longer, much longer but I enjoy it (usually). In fact, I would say it's MORE gratifying for him than me. This is just me and everyone is different, but when we are doing this, I don't always have a climax. I can enjoy it without a climax but doesn't always happen for me. He always always does. And oh, the guy I'm with always does too.

And finally, I'll come back to a point I think I made in another post...this lifestyle my dear, is a guy thing. The woman isn't saying...sweetie, please watch me in front of another guy. The woman isn't saying...honey, will you please fuck another woman in front of me so I can watch. Nope.

So, Rob, I would argue that your wife is NOT a cock-craving slut. She is doing this for you. I'm not suggesting she doesn't enjoy it, but my guess is she's doing it for you. Enjoy doesn't equal slut and enjoy doesn't equal cock craving. Hope that doesn't lessen your sexual enjoyment over watching her or hearing about her dates.

Oh, yea, my first wife and I knew nothing about this lifestyle either. When we got into it we were just 18 and we felt like freaks letting friends of ours from high school have sex with her while I watched and sometimes joined in. We had no idea that other people did such slutty things. That relationship was all about her having sex with other guys we knew, and I was very happy to get to watch and share her with friends.

With Kate, a second marriage for each of us, we were both a bit older and wiser. We had heard more about swinging and we even knew of a swing club in our city. We have been members of a swing club for our entire marriage. We know plenty of other swingers, both couples who only play with other couples, and couples who like the wife to play with other men.

I used a 'guy term' when I described Kate as cock-craving. You are right that we enjoy the openness of our marriage because it enhances our sexual gratification. Kate likes having sex with different men, but she assures me that sex with other men is much better when she is alone with them. She has sex with other guys in front of me for 'us' and to include me. Including other men in our sex fun makes our sex life hotter all the time, not just when another guy is present. It is more of a mind-set that my wife can and will have sex with different men.

I agree that couples swapping partners is more conventional and mutually interesting to couples, whereas the husband watching the wife, or just enjoying the fact that the wife is having sex with other men, is definitely a 'guy thing'.

 

[don_jetman]

That's pretty hot that your jealousy drove you to masturbatory fantasies about L with other men. I have read posts by several different men that hen they realized that their gf/wife was cheating on them it turned them on. I believe that people in relationships who have, or desire, sex with other people are not looking for 'better', they are just looking for 'different'.

One of the hottest aspects our lifestyle is that Kate is a wonderful loving mother and wife. Straight people who know us (we have other lifestyle friends) have no idea and would never guess that she has sex with men other than me, both alone and with me watching. We were always active school activities and we have wonderful (straight) friends.

The juxtaposition of a loving wife and mom and a cock-loving slut with other men drives me wild.

To this day I don't completely understand what the drivers were that turned my jealousy into masturbatory fantasies. It was an unexpected reaction, one that intensified over time and also confused me after I came. Looking back, I can remember how taken I was with her (and how innocently beautiful she was), so my love for her, and thoughts of her innocence corrupted by so many available other guys her own age were likely triggers.

Like your Kate, no one would ever suspect that L fucks other men. She's very concerned about her career and public image, so she's the pretty wife with just a hint of sexual heat that so many of my friends are always borderline flirting with. It is hot to watch their subtle attraction to her, then how they catch themselves and back away from the heat at the last minute like moths attracted to, then wary of a flame. The mix of 'innocent wife' and 'cock-loving siren' as I watch them flirt with her is enough to get me hard nearly every time they're around her. I'm sure none of them have any idea what it does to me. Fortunately, L does, and send me all the right signals.

 

[mistyD]

Yeah I think we are in total agreement then.
I will say I do much more enjoy the sex when my husband is not in the room. I can act out and say things to my date that I might not say to my husband (I guess that is weird a bit).
And for sure if he suggested guys from high school, I would find that very interesting. Right now, it's mostly guys from his work or mine and sometimes they are married which creates a little bit of a complication.

 

[Custer Laststand]

..... Right now, it's mostly guys from his work or mine and sometimes they are married which creates a little bit of a complication.

Sexual complications are the spice of life (as they say.... I guess....).

 

[Funlvwhtcpl]

Some guys shelter in fantasy because they cant face the reality of their own lives. Ive noticed this a lot with guys who give themselves the title of "bull'. They always seem to be single, lonely and desperate for any attention, even from men.

While me and my husband both partake in the lifestyle occasionally, I find your comment to be very very true… we’ve met a good amount of men and most of them are great at camera tricks I don’t know what they consider “hung” but I have a few funny stories… also many of the men have some issues with their personal perception. Every once in a while though….

 

[mistyD]

Sexual complications are the spice of life (as they say.... I guess....).

You are once again, spot on. The married guys are the BEST lovers. They get some excitement from the taboo part and they also are trying extra hard (no pun) because they want to come back next week. The single guys are getting laid all the time and I'm just a little bit of a kinky part of it all. I'm picky...I try to be careful with single guys. I need to somehow know they are physically clean, std wise.

 

[Custer Laststand]

You are once again, spot on.

Cool.... thank you for saying so, Ms. mistyD.

The married guys are the BEST lovers.

My former wife and I were married for 38 years, so I'll take that as a compliment.

They get some excitement from the taboo part and they also are trying extra hard (no pun)...

Hey — that's a very good pun. I like it.

...because they want to come back next week.

That's a motivation any man would have, I would think.

The single guys are getting laid all the time.

The best years of my life, in a sexual sense, were when I was single, 25 to 27, and had entered a profession where a large percentage of the others were women. Sometimes I fucked two different women in the same day.

And, I'm just a little bit of a kinky part of it all. I'm picky...I try to be careful with single guys. I need to somehow know they are physically clean, std wise.

Being picky is a good idea — and married dudes are more likely to be free of STD's (probably) than single dudes. Now, of course, you also want them to be free of the coronavirus, AND vaccinated against it.

 

[samanthaNwilli]

It is kind of comical seeing the judgmental jerks who have come out for this thread.


There seem to be a lot of different definitions that different people use, but I will say that yes, there most definitely are 'cuckolding marriages' out there. First off, most couples divorce anymore, and most divorces are because somebody was cheating. Second, there are swing groups all over the country, and by definition swinging is a 'cuckold' activity any time a married woman is involved.

We have been swinging for over twenty years. Technically I was 'cheating' before that, but we were separated at the time.