Hi everyone. I've been a bit of a lurker around here and other cuck sites for a while but I've only just joined because I need your advice, help, and basically just to get things off my chest.
My girlfriend (22 y/o) and I (30 y/o) have been together for about a year and a half now, but even before that I was starting to slowly develop an interest in cuckoldry. Since being with my girl though it started to intensify more and more. To begin with I thought I was happy with it just being a fantasy that I never actually fulfilled because I didn't think I'd actually be able to deal with my girl fucking another man. However, my girl is a stripper and, after some initial jealousy and negative feelings about it during the first month or so of our relationship, I've come to really enjoy that fact about her and relish her doing that as a job.
So the fact that I was able to start liking her being a stripper, coupled with the fact that my interest in cuckoldry was intensifying more and more, led me to think that I actually did want to make this fantasy a reality and that I could definitely handle going through with it.
So about 5 months ago now, I told my girl about my fantasy and told her that I would actually like to fulfil it for real. At first she was skeptical that I'd be able to deal with it emotionally and psychologically, but I assured her that I'd be fine because, after all, I was now totally fine with her being a stripper. After her initial skepticism, she told me that if I was really keen for that then she would definitely be up for it, so she reactivated her tinder account and started looking for potential bulls.
Within only a couple of hours, she found this total Chad type guy about her own age who was totally her type and who was open to letting me watch. Now I must admit, when she first showed me his pics and their messages, I was already starting to feel a bit overwhelmed with jealousy, especially due to her obvious excitement when showing me, and the way they were talking to each other (particularly how she was talking to him). I just chalked it up to first time jitters and my normal pattern of feeling the jealousy first before settling in and then actually enjoying things though, so I encouraged her to make a date with him. They scheduled a date for a few days later and they planned to meet each other out for a drink just the two of them first, and then they would come back to our place together and let me watch them while they fucked.
They continued to message each other with dirty talk and pictures over the next few days leading up to the date, which I must admit also made me even more incredibly jealous. However, again, I figured it was all just part of the process and I was sure I still really wanted to see them fuck, so I just dealt with the jealousy and waited for their date.
The afternoon/evening of their date arrived and my girl left our place to go meet him. I expected her to be out for at least a few hours cause she normally likes to take her time when she goes to a bar. To my surprise however, only a little over an hour and a half later I hear the front door unlock and the door swing open. I go to the foyer and sure enough they were already back, my girl looking a little sheepish and him with a smug grin and his hand firmly on my girl's butt.
My girl awkwardly introduced me to him and he acknowledged me with a douchy "sup, bro?" We all went into the bedroom together and they sat on the bed side by side as I took my seat in the armchair in the corner. We made a little uncomfortable small talk for a bit, but I couldn't concentrate much cause I was so fixated on his hand resting on my girl's thigh. I also noticed she had a few hickies she definitely didn't have before she left the house that afternoon, so they must have made out a bit at the bar/on the way home. All this was making me overwhelmed with jealousy again, but I'd already come this far I felt like I couldn't back out now, plus I kept telling myself I'd like it once I got used to it.
I can't even remember the conversation properly, but something came up about my house being big and then rich guys being able to get laid, then my girl slipped her hand up into his t-shirt and said something like "with a bod like this though, who needs cash?" Almost immediately they were mouth to mouth running their hands all over each other as if I wasn't even there. My anger and jealousy started to reach a boiling point then, but I stayed in control, still telling myself I'd start to feel ok with it any second. Things only got worse.
It wasn't long before he had his hands down her shorts and he gave her her first orgasm of the night. At this point I was really struggling. I'd never heard her be so loud. I'd even asked her about the fact she managed to stay pretty quite before and she'd told me "oh I'm just never loud baby, I just like to focus on the feeling." So naturally this only pissed me off even more than I already was.
Once she settled down a little he took her shorts off, rolled her over and went down on her from behind. She was facing directly at me now but wasn't looking anywhere near me. Once again, she started screaming the fucking house down. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and I said "baby, shhhh, everyone will hear." She just looked up at me with the most pathetic expression on her face and cried out something like she just can't help it.
I didn't say another word after that. For the rest of the time I just sat there thinking about what I was going to do when it was all over. I thought about attacking the guy, about breaking up with my girl on the spot, a whole lot of crazy things.
When they had finished, they talked for a bit like I wasn't there, then before long he got up, got dressed and headed off. When she asked why I was so quite afterwards I just told her that I'm just trying to remember everything that I just saw. She took this to mean that I really liked it, and said something to the effect that she was also enjoying thinking about what had just happened.
I've been trying to get over it ever since, but it's been 5 months and I still can't seem to handle it. I haven't told my girl how much it bothered me cause I feel so stupid since the whole thing was my idea, but I know she's seen the guy a couple more times since, so I really want to tell her so she'll stop seeing him thinking I'm fine with it.
So anyway, I guess my question is, how do I deal with this cuckhold regret I'm feeling? Will it go away? Why has it effected me like this when I was so sure I would be totally into it?
Any thoughts at all would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.
My girlfriend (22 y/o) and I (30 y/o) have been together for about a year and a half now, but even before that I was starting to slowly develop an interest in cuckoldry. Since being with my girl though it started to intensify more and more. To begin with I thought I was happy with it just being a fantasy that I never actually fulfilled because I didn't think I'd actually be able to deal with my girl fucking another man. However, my girl is a stripper and, after some initial jealousy and negative feelings about it during the first month or so of our relationship, I've come to really enjoy that fact about her and relish her doing that as a job.
So the fact that I was able to start liking her being a stripper, coupled with the fact that my interest in cuckoldry was intensifying more and more, led me to think that I actually did want to make this fantasy a reality and that I could definitely handle going through with it.
So about 5 months ago now, I told my girl about my fantasy and told her that I would actually like to fulfil it for real. At first she was skeptical that I'd be able to deal with it emotionally and psychologically, but I assured her that I'd be fine because, after all, I was now totally fine with her being a stripper. After her initial skepticism, she told me that if I was really keen for that then she would definitely be up for it, so she reactivated her tinder account and started looking for potential bulls.
Within only a couple of hours, she found this total Chad type guy about her own age who was totally her type and who was open to letting me watch. Now I must admit, when she first showed me his pics and their messages, I was already starting to feel a bit overwhelmed with jealousy, especially due to her obvious excitement when showing me, and the way they were talking to each other (particularly how she was talking to him). I just chalked it up to first time jitters and my normal pattern of feeling the jealousy first before settling in and then actually enjoying things though, so I encouraged her to make a date with him. They scheduled a date for a few days later and they planned to meet each other out for a drink just the two of them first, and then they would come back to our place together and let me watch them while they fucked.
They continued to message each other with dirty talk and pictures over the next few days leading up to the date, which I must admit also made me even more incredibly jealous. However, again, I figured it was all just part of the process and I was sure I still really wanted to see them fuck, so I just dealt with the jealousy and waited for their date.
The afternoon/evening of their date arrived and my girl left our place to go meet him. I expected her to be out for at least a few hours cause she normally likes to take her time when she goes to a bar. To my surprise however, only a little over an hour and a half later I hear the front door unlock and the door swing open. I go to the foyer and sure enough they were already back, my girl looking a little sheepish and him with a smug grin and his hand firmly on my girl's butt.
My girl awkwardly introduced me to him and he acknowledged me with a douchy "sup, bro?" We all went into the bedroom together and they sat on the bed side by side as I took my seat in the armchair in the corner. We made a little uncomfortable small talk for a bit, but I couldn't concentrate much cause I was so fixated on his hand resting on my girl's thigh. I also noticed she had a few hickies she definitely didn't have before she left the house that afternoon, so they must have made out a bit at the bar/on the way home. All this was making me overwhelmed with jealousy again, but I'd already come this far I felt like I couldn't back out now, plus I kept telling myself I'd like it once I got used to it.
I can't even remember the conversation properly, but something came up about my house being big and then rich guys being able to get laid, then my girl slipped her hand up into his t-shirt and said something like "with a bod like this though, who needs cash?" Almost immediately they were mouth to mouth running their hands all over each other as if I wasn't even there. My anger and jealousy started to reach a boiling point then, but I stayed in control, still telling myself I'd start to feel ok with it any second. Things only got worse.
It wasn't long before he had his hands down her shorts and he gave her her first orgasm of the night. At this point I was really struggling. I'd never heard her be so loud. I'd even asked her about the fact she managed to stay pretty quite before and she'd told me "oh I'm just never loud baby, I just like to focus on the feeling." So naturally this only pissed me off even more than I already was.
Once she settled down a little he took her shorts off, rolled her over and went down on her from behind. She was facing directly at me now but wasn't looking anywhere near me. Once again, she started screaming the fucking house down. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and I said "baby, shhhh, everyone will hear." She just looked up at me with the most pathetic expression on her face and cried out something like she just can't help it.
I didn't say another word after that. For the rest of the time I just sat there thinking about what I was going to do when it was all over. I thought about attacking the guy, about breaking up with my girl on the spot, a whole lot of crazy things.
When they had finished, they talked for a bit like I wasn't there, then before long he got up, got dressed and headed off. When she asked why I was so quite afterwards I just told her that I'm just trying to remember everything that I just saw. She took this to mean that I really liked it, and said something to the effect that she was also enjoying thinking about what had just happened.
I've been trying to get over it ever since, but it's been 5 months and I still can't seem to handle it. I haven't told my girl how much it bothered me cause I feel so stupid since the whole thing was my idea, but I know she's seen the guy a couple more times since, so I really want to tell her so she'll stop seeing him thinking I'm fine with it.
So anyway, I guess my question is, how do I deal with this cuckhold regret I'm feeling? Will it go away? Why has it effected me like this when I was so sure I would be totally into it?
Any thoughts at all would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.