Didn't know I was a cuck

[Rob Jefferson]

Met my partner 20 years ago. Couldn't believe how lucky I was. Very pretty, busty, blonde with blue eyes, real model material. Perhaps looking back now I should have realised why she chose me, but at the time I just felt so lucky.

I struggled like hell when she started telling me of her past. She would reel off men after men, but then realised the pain I was experiencing knowing my gorgeous girlfriend had such a colourful past, so she backed off telling me about all her sordid past.

I would say she was a slut. But one that could choose her prey and she didn't have to look a tart to pick the men she wanted. She dressed sexy, her warm personality and great looks attracted the men and it was clear sh enjoyed several.

So my cuck journey started from day one, without me even knowing. I thought initially her reluctance to allow me to get in her knickers was because she was making me wait, being a real lady. The truth I recently found out from reading her diaries was that she was fuckin her boyfriends mate. I would take her to dinner, do all the nice romantic stuff, yet on the Friday nights when she was going out with her girlfriends she would end up going back to his bedsit to get fucked silly.

I genuinly thought I had a real lady, making me wait for months before I got in her knickers. I was falling deeply in love, yet this guy was screwing her at least twice a week behind my back.

I should have realised, but I was blind to it. I recall sitting at her parents house with her on the sofa when her brother came home with his mate. He asked her to go into the hall to have a word and like a fool, although I felt funny I never really questioned her about it. Obviously he was arranging his next fuck with her while I watched the TV and waited for her return.

She does not feel guilt, she never does. I think because I have never really challenged her, she knows she can get away with it and so she arranges more.

I have got used to it now, but for more than fifteen years I felt great pain due to her antics.

I remember her going out every Thursday with her friend to a club for about three months. The thing is though I phoned her friends house one Thursday (withheld my number) and her friend answered the phone proving she wasn't out with her. Where she went and who with I don't know , but for three months I felt enormous pain as she got ready to go out, me knowing she was probably meeting some guy.
I hated that three months, but just felt enormous relief as I heard the door key knowing she had returned.

I suppose if I challenged her it would have stopped, but looking back now I do recall questioning her sonetimes, but she always got a war around it and so I stopped challenging her.

She has got more and more daring, but I have never faced into the situation and so that a why it probably carries on.

Two years ago we had the builders in and she wasn't working. I got ready to go to work and she had showered, put her make up on and both her and I opened the door to the guys. I was ready for work, but she still had on her short silky dressing gown. I honestly didn't give it much thought until she said to one of them "I see you have bought your big drill today, hope you know how to use it"
I felt uncomfortable, she just laughed as these two guys made a crude comment back. I had to leave for work, leaving her just in that ridiculous gown and ger flirty innuendo.
I have not got a clue what happened, but I just know her personality, know that the innuendo wouldn't have stopped until the builders decided to teach her a lesson.
I suppose that although I can't be sure if anything happened, the bed was dusty and smelled different that night and I would put money on it that they both had her in our bed.

I have now come to terms with her infidelity. I just know that about twice a year I will lose her to another man and after all these years I now get a bit if a kick out of it.

But it has took 20 years of pain before I somehow managed to deal with it and now I want to try and approach her about it and hope she will be open with me.
It's never been easy over the years and along with her weekends away with the girls, I am pretty confident there have been several work colleagues, a delivery driver, an ex along with the countless times she has been away for the weekend with the girls.

I am just trying to find a way to approach her about being open with me and maybe if I could be involved in some way I would feel much better about her infidelity. I can't help though thinking she has played me for years, from day one she has had me as security, waiting for her, yet all along she has been planning her fucks with other men.

That's my story anyway, cuck from day one without ever realising it for 20 years.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Thanks for your interesting account. Obviously, you married a strongly-sexual hot woman. She wants it, she seeks it, and she finds it regularly.

I have now come to terms with her infidelity. I just know that about twice a year I will lose her to another man and after all these years I now get a bit if a kick out of it.

Good. Sounds like you've adopted the right philosophy (finally).

But it has took 20 years of pain before I somehow managed to deal with it and now I want to try and approach her about it and hope she will be open with me. It's never been easy over the years and along with her weekends away with the girls, I am pretty confident there have been several work colleagues, a delivery driver, an ex along with the countless times she has been away for the weekend with the girls. I am just trying to find a way to approach her about being open with me and maybe if I could be involved in some way I would feel much better about her infidelity. I can't help though thinking she has played me for years, from day one she has had me as security, waiting for her, yet all along she has been planning her fucks with other men. That's my story anyway, cuck from day one without ever realising it for 20 years.

If you read

Baker, Robin, Ph.D., 1996, Sperm Wars: The Science of Sex (BasicBooks, 319 pp. [hardcover])

you'll see that being secretive about extramarital (or "extra-partner") sex is characteristic of both women and men, as well as birds and other pair-bond species. Baker is an evolutionary biologist; he concerns himself not at all with social and religious-based conventions and expectations; rather, his book is about what people actually do. It's a fascinating science-for-the-lay-person book; if you start reading it you'll almost certainly have great difficulty putting it down.

Baker's book may also be of interest to your wife, although I realize she's a busy woman. It may start you down the road toward her being open about her strong sexuality hence her extensive and regular cuckolding of you.

 

[Custer Laststand]

If you introduce your wife to these two articles:

Susan Gower on natural cuckolding of husbands by married women:
http://cuckoldcouple.wordpress.com/the-science-of-cuckoldry/ [/URL]

Dr. Cherry Lee on the cuckold husband / hotwife phenomenon:
http://cuckoldcouple.wordpress.com/the-cuckold-phenomena/ [/URL]

which are relatively short, somewhat erotic (not pornographic) and easy to read, and let her know you'd like to discuss them with her, that may also have the effect of starting her down the road toward being open with you about her strong sexual desires that she satisfies by fucking other men.

 

[Rob Jefferson]

Interesting reading. I certainly am her mate for life, with her looking to fulfil her sexual needs elsewhere. Interesting how the writings suggest that women need to find her sexual fulfilment away from her mate for life.

There are a number of points that ring true here and I would think many could identify their own situations in there.
Reading those, it certainly makes it clear that it is pointless fighting it and it is better accepting and understanding it.

A key point that isn't raised is that the mate for life really does need to try and keep a handle on their straying wives to some degree. They can become very greedy and my fear is that if it was all out in the open and I consented, there is a good chance she has her legs open most weekends for others.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Interesting reading. I certainly am her mate for life...

Sounds like you have a strong marriage. That, of course, is a plus...

...with [my wife] looking to fulfil her sexual needs elsewhere. ....

From your post, that seems very clear...

Interesting how the writings suggest that [married] women need to find their sexual fulfilment away from [their] mates-for-life [i.e., husbands or LTR partners]...

Yes — unlike the arguably-unrealistic conventional wisdom, which is that men (not women) have that need, but both women and men can and should find sexual fulfillment, such as it is, with their partners-for-life.

There are a number of points [in the above articles] that ring true here and I would think many could identify their own situations in there. Reading those, it certainly makes it clear that it is pointless fighting it and it is better accepting and understanding it.

Yes, I would say so. Assuming one will be able to fight and roll back evolutionary biology successfully seems equivalent to racing toward a high hurdle in the form of a solid wall, with a short vaulting pole, while optimistically assuming one will not hit the wall face first.

A key point that isn't raised is that the mate for life really does need to try and keep a handle on their straying wives to some degree. They can become very greedy and my fear is that if it were all out in the open, and I consented, there is a good chance [my wife would have] her legs open [for other men] on most weekends.

Would you be turned on by that, in spite of yourself...? Would it make your marriage hotter and more erotic, despite ... or perhaps because of... the religious-based prohibitions that permeate judeochristian (and other) societies...?

 

[Rob Jefferson]

Sounds like you have a strong marriage. That, of course, is a plus...



From your post, that seems very clear...



Yes — unlike the arguably-unrealistic conventional wisdom, which is that men (not women) have that need, but both women and men can and should find sexual fulfillment, such as it is, with their partners-for-life.



Yes, I would say so. Assuming one will be able to fight and roll back evolutionary biology successfully seems equivalent to racing toward a high hurdle in the form of a solid wall, with a short vaulting pole, while optimistically assuming one will not hit the wall face first.



Would you be turned on by that, in spite of yourself...? Would it make your marriage hotter and more erotic, despite ... or perhaps because of... the religious-based prohibitions that permeate judeochristian (and other) societies...?

I just don't know at this stage. The thought of her arranging a date at the weekend appeals certainly, the thought gives me a massive buzz. But I think she is greedy sexually and knowing her, if I just let her do her own thing, I can imagine a massive change for me that I am not yet sure about.
Hard to explain, but she throws surprises at me currently on a Thursday saying she is out the following evening. But if I gave her a free reign, I seriously could see her going out on Thursday night and only seeing her again on Sunday evening, apart from popping in to get ready for her next encounter.
I just think given a free reign this one would just build a network of guys and she litteraly would get fucked silly all weekend.

As a one off it would be interesting, but long term not sure to be honest. We do get on very well so it would be nice to see her still and discuss things. I know her lust for cock, together with the freedom would mean I would hardly see her.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Regarding your comment:

I have now come to terms with [my wife's] infidelity. I just know that about twice a year I will lose her to another man, and after all these years I now get a bit if a kick out of it.

This seems inconsistent with:

It's never been easy over the years. Along with her weekends away with the girls, I am pretty confident there have been several work colleagues, a delivery driver, an ex [in addition to her] countless weekends with the girls.

which suggests your comment that "about twice a year you lose your wife to another man" is, most likely, a vast underestimate. You can probably assume, I would guess, that the "countless weekends" your wife spends with "the girls" include other men, especially if "the girls" your wife spends weekends with include women who are single, divorced, or otherwise unattached, or one or more women who are married but liberated.

Regarding your most recent post(above):

.... The thought of [my wife] arranging a date at the weekend appeals certainly, the thought gives me a massive buzz.

It sounds like your wife has been doing this for a long time. You seem to be saying that if she were to do this openly, perhaps requesting or even requiring you to assist her as she prepares for her weekend dates, that would give you a massive buzz.

But, I think she is sexually-greedy and, knowing her, if I just let her do her own thing, I can imagine a massive change for me that I am not yet sure about [not quite sure I could handle].

Since your wife appears to been fucking other men with abandon throughout your marriage, the change, apparently, would be for her to begin doing that with your knowledge and consent, instead of trying to conceal her sexual trysts...

It's hard to explain, but she throws surprises at me — currently, on a Thursday, saying she [will be] out the following evening. But, if I gave her free reign, I seriously could see her going out on Thursday night and only seeing her again on Sunday evening, apart from popping in to get ready for her next encounter. I think that given a free reign, [my wife] would build a network of guys and get fucked silly all weekend.

Whew! Your wife sounds like a seriously-sexual woman. Does she fuck you with some regularity in between her trysts with other men? Or, does she tend to deny you, saying things like she "doesn't feel like it" or is "too tired," etc. ...?

As a one off it would be interesting, but long-term I'm not sure [that would be a great form of marriage.] We do get on very well, so it would be nice to see her still and discuss things. I know her lust for cock, together with freedom, would mean I would hardly see her.

An old saying is, a man whose wife is cuckolding him is the last one to know. Accordingly, you can assume most or all of your wife's woman friends, and some (/many) of her and your joint friends, and perhaps some of your wonk colleagues, know your wife regularly fucks other men and has long been doing so.

Thus, your dilemma seems to be the problem of whether to continue pretending you are the only one in your wife's and your social milieu who doesn't know this, or to begin a series of discussions with your wife with the goal of establishing a mutually-agreed-on "cuckold husband / hotwife" marriage in which she is free to date, seduce, and fuck other men while you agree to remain faithful.

The latter (and your participation in this forum) seems to be what you want, but you're also saying you don't want it to get out of hand.

A way to proceed may be to set aside an evening for some wine and soft music with your wife, then... in this romantic setting... mention to her that "cuckold husband / hotwife" marriages, as defined above, seem to be increasingly common and accepted throughout a subset of the population, and ask her if she is familiar with such relationships. Then, let the conversation evolve, with the idea in mind of not proposing to formalize your own marriage in that way... at least, not in the initial conversation... but rather, with the goal of just talking about it in a general sense.

If you want to increase your familiarity with this before bringing it up with your wife, google "cuckold husband / hot wife" or "cuckold husband" marriages (with or without quotes). I think you'll find there's rather a lot of material out there. Your wife is not the only one with a sex drive well beyond what can be satisfied via a monogamous relationship with one man.

 

[Rob Jefferson]

which suggests your comment that "about twice a year you lose your wife to another man" is, most likely, a vast underestimate. You can probably assume, I would guess, that the "countless weekends" your wife spends with "the girls" include other men, especially if "the girls" your wife spends weekends with include women who are single, divorced, or otherwise unattached, or one or more women who are married but liberated.

You are probably right. It is just all a little new to me. I am in transition from burying my head in the sand like I have for years, to accepting she has been a slut behind my back. In many many instances although I know things happened, I would be in denial about it and accept her version of events.
I say she went off a couple of times a year with other men, but many other instances I blocked it out and only now am I able to accept it and actually embrace it.





It sounds like your wife has been doing this for a long time. You seem to be saying that if she were to do this openly, perhaps requesting or even requiring you to assist her as she prepares for her weekend dates, that would give you a massive buzz.

Yes, now I am coming to terms with it, I feel much better now I have done and want to be involved.

Since your wife appears to been fucking other men with abandon throughout your marriage, the change, apparently, would be for her to begin doing that with your knowledge and consent, instead of trying to conceal her sexual trysts...

Yes



Whew! Your wife sounds like a seriously-sexual woman. Does she fuck you with some regularity in between her trysts with other men? Or, does she tend to deny you, saying things like she "doesn't feel like it" or is "too tired," etc. ...?

A mixture of both. There is no consistency. I recall a weekend when she was away and when she returned she needed sex a great deal the following week, including new positions.
But then there have been times where I have been desperate for her and she has not let me near her. Despite this I have been awoken in the night by her masturbating (I pretend to be asleep). I was very frustrated that she would bring herself off yet not be interested in me.



An old saying is, a man whose wife is cuckolding him is the last one to know. Accordingly, you can assume most or all of your wife's woman friends, and some (/many) of her and your joint friends, and perhaps some of your wonk colleagues, know your wife regularly fucks other men and has long been doing so.

This I have difficulty in accepting, it hurts you saying that. But I understand it.

Thus, your dilemma seems to be the problem of whether to continue pretending you are the only one in your wife's and your social milieu who doesn't know this, or to begin a series of discussions with your wife with the goal of establishing a mutually-agreed-on "cuckold husband / hotwife" marriage in which she is free to date, seduce, and fuck other men while you agree to remain faithful.

The latter (and your participation in this forum) seems to be what you want, but you're also saying you don't want it to get out of hand.

I don't want her friends to know. I would like to be able to be involved in someway in allowing her her freedom, without her friends knowing so it is just me and her who know.

A way to proceed may be to set aside an evening for some wine and soft music with your wife, then... in this romantic setting... mention to her that "cuckold husband / hotwife" marriages, as defined above, seem to be increasingly common and accepted throughout a subset of the population, and ask her if she is familiar with such relationships. Then, let the conversation evolve, with the idea in mind of not proposing to formalize your own marriage in that way... at least, not in the initial conversation... but rather, with the goal of just talking about it in a general sense.

If you want to increase your familiarity with this before bringing it up with your wife, google "cuckold husband / hot wife" or "cuckold husband" marriages (with or without quotes). I think you'll find there's rather a lot of material out there. Your wife is not the only one with a sex drive well beyond what can be satisfied via a monogamous relationship with one man.

I appreciate your advise, but just am having difficulty bringing it up. Perhaps my lack of being able to approach it is inbuilt and this is why I never approached her about her infidelity. I think she got away with it once, realised I couldn't bring myself to confront her so she went again and again knowing of my weakness. I just can't seem to approach the subject. I know another fling is only just around the corner and the rewards to be involved are high. I just clam up and I just can't get the words out

 

[Custer Laststand]

.... I am having difficulty bringing it up. Perhaps my lack of being able to approach [topics of this nature] is inbuilt and this is why I have never approached her about her infidelity. I think she got away with it once, then realised I couldn't bring myself to confront her, so she [proceeded to cuckold me] again and again, knowing of my weakness. I just can't seem to approach the subject. I know another fling is only just around the corner and the rewards to be involved are high. I just clam up and I just can't get the words out.

If you were somehow able to talk with your wife about your innermost sexual needs and desires, and your needs and desires vis-a-vis her, what would you say?

 

[Rob Jefferson]

If you were somehow able to talk with your wife about your innermost sexual needs and desires, and your needs and desires vis-a-vis her, what would you say?

I would say - look, I know you were quite adventurous when you were younger, and I think maybe some of that spilled over after we met. I just wanted to say that initially I found it very difficult to deal with and I closed my mind off to anything you did before we met and after. I suppose that time has been a great healer and I actually now have managed to accept it and even got some enjoyment out of thinking you were getting a good time.
I just want to say that if you ever wanted to do the same in the future I would be able to cope with it, accept it and feel relief that you are allowing me to be part of it should you share the information with me.
Could we maybe discuss it? Maybe you could tell me when you plan to do something, share it with me and that way it will be easier for me to deal with rather than you just going off and doing it.
Since I have been thinking that way, I do actually like the thought of others enjoying you, so I really won't mind provided you let me know what you are going to do and with who.
Maybe with us being open we could arrange even more fun adventures for you. I just want to know about them and actually I think I will get a real buzz knowing it was going to happen

 

[Custer Laststand]

Rob,

Re. what you would like to say to your wife, if you could bring yourself to talk with her about it (as stated in your post immediately preceding this one):

My impression is, you were able to put it in writing without any great difficulty.

Writing can be a powerful means of communication. If you send someone who's important to you (your wife, in this case) a letter on a subject that's emotionally fraught — your emotional and sexual relationship with her vis-a-vis her strong sexuality, which drives her to take lovers in addition maintaining (presumably) her sexual relationship with you — you can take the time to write it, think about it (overnight and perhaps over several nights), and edit and revise it until it says exactly what you want to say.

Then, you can be confident your wife will read it all the way through without interrupting and offering denials and counterarguments (especially if you aren't there while she reads it), and think about it, before responding... perhaps also in writing.

Thus, I suggest you consider writing a hard-copy letter on stationary to your wife — that's grammatically correct, with all words spelled correctly, and somewhat better worded than your above "draft" — and personally give it to her, ask her to read it, tell her you'd like to talk with her about it (or ask her to similarly write you a letter in response) after she's taken some time to think about it.

Then, leave while she's reading it. Take a long drive (safely... don't take a long drive in heavy traffic if you're feeling distraught), or a long walk, or go sit in a park and watch the passersby, or go out and drink some beer with a friend while you watch a football game, for instance.

Then, when you return, casually ask your wife (not in any tense or nervous or confrontational way) what her thoughts are on your letter. Finally — while looking relaxed, perhaps leaning back on your couch in a "listening posture" — listen to what your wife has to say, all of it, without interrupting. Nod your head and use other body language accepting of what she's saying, whatever it might be.

Then... because of your tendency to freeze up when trying to talk with her about things of this nature... express appreciation for her willingness to talk about this from her point of view, and tell her you're going to give it some more thought yourself. (If it seems appropriate, tell her the reason you're refraining from talking further about it at the moment.)

If you still find yourself unable to talk verbally with your wife about her sexual needs (etc.), you might then consider continuing the conversation, as it were, by writing her another hard-copy letter.

I suggest hard-copy letters for the above because e-mail letters are infinitely reproducible. Writing on actual stationary would reduce the probability of your wife forwarding your letter(s) to one or more of her friends or relatives, immediately or sometime in the future.

—Custer

 

[Rob Jefferson]

Rob,

Re. what you would like to say to your wife, if you could bring yourself to talk with her about it (as stated in your post immediately preceding this one):

My impression is, you were able to put it in writing without any great difficulty.

Writing can be a powerful means of communication. If you send someone who's important to you (your wife, in this case) a letter on a subject that's emotionally fraught — your emotional and sexual relationship with her vis-a-vis her strong sexuality, which drives her to take lovers in addition maintaining (presumably) her sexual relationship with you — you can take the time to write it, think about it (overnight and perhaps over several nights), and edit and revise it until it says exactly what you want to say.

Then, you can be confident your wife will read it all the way through without interrupting and offering denials and counterarguments (especially if you aren't there while she reads it), and think about it, before responding... perhaps also in writing.

Thus, I suggest you consider writing a hard-copy letter on stationary to your wife — that's grammatically correct, with all words spelled correctly, and somewhat better worded than your above "draft" — and personally give it to her, ask her to read it, tell her you'd like to talk with her about it (or ask her to similarly write you a letter in response) after she's taken some time to think about it.

Then, leave while she's reading it. Take a long drive (safely... don't take a long drive in heavy traffic if you're feeling distraught), or a long walk, or go sit in a park and watch the passersby, or go out and drink some beer with a friend while you watch a football game, for instance.

Then, when you return, casually ask your wife (not in any tense or nervous or confrontational way) what her thoughts are on your letter. Finally — while looking relaxed, perhaps leaning back on your couch in a "listening posture" — listen to what your wife has to say, all of it, without interrupting. Nod your head and use other body language accepting of what she's saying, whatever it might be.

Then... because of your tendency to freeze up when trying to talk with her about things of this nature... express appreciation for her willingness to talk about this from her point of view, and tell her you're going to give it some more thought yourself. (If it seems appropriate, tell her the reason you're refraining from talking further about it at the moment.)

If you still find yourself unable to talk verbally with your wife about her sexual needs (etc.), you might then consider continuing the conversation, as it were, by writing her another hard-copy letter.

I suggest hard-copy letters for the above because e-mail letters are infinitely reproducible. Writing on actual stationary would reduce the probability of your wife forwarding your letter(s) to one or more of her friends or relatives, immediately or sometime in the future.

—Custer

Custer - really appreciate your ideas and thoughts on how I progress. I will give it some thought over the next few days and see if I dare do this. You have put thought into this, spent time and I am genuine when I say your thoughts are appreciated.