Found out years later...

[mcb1817]

I found out about my wife cheating on me last week. The cheating happened 4 years ago November 2005... I am not sure what and how I should feel.

It happened while we lived together, but before we got married. We lived together for about 7 years before we got married in 2006. She claims it to be a one tome occurrence, and the evidence I have supports her claim.

It happened while I was working out of town for 6 weeks, which is normal for me. She met the guy online, chatted for a few days, then decided to meet for a drink. She claims to have drank too much, ended up back at this place, and she sucked him off a couple times. She says she didn't fuck him, and the evidence I have also supports her claim here.

I am angry with her because of the years of deceit she had us living under, we got married, had 2 kids, and I knew nothing of this prior escapade. Weird thing is, I often told her, that if she was curious about other guys, that we could do it together, I could join or watch, but we should be honest and open about our curiosities and experiences. She showed some interest, but always found an excuse to not make it a reality.

So I don't even know how to take learning of the news.... one minute it excites the hell out of me to think about her sucking this guys thick 8" cock(I am 4.5"), and making him unload at least 2 different times in her face/mouth. The next I am sick to my stomach thinking my wife and partner of many years could deceive me so easily and for such a long period of time...

Advice or comments appreciated... thanks.

 

[marys_pet]

If all the evidence you have supports her claims, then take her at her word. She has an experience in her past that she most likely considers to be a mistake. She didn't tell you about it, because she was certain it would never happen again, and the only purpose that would have been served at that point by unburdening herself to you would have been to try and relieve the guilt she was feeling.

To me, "years of deceit" would imply something along the lines of an ongoing affair for the entire duration of your marriage, or a situation like the one lifelong_cuck had to endure in the early days of his marriage, where unbeknownst to him his wife was having sex with multiple lovers from day one, including the night before their wedding.

In your wife's case, it sounds like she has a single incident in her past that she considers to be a mistake and has been doing her best to put behind her. Your 10 years together, 3 of them married, your 2 kids, and the life you have built together outweighs that one incident by a lot. How about considering cutting her some slack?

Then, if you are able to without getting angry about it, talk to her about how the thought of her being with him and sucking his cock also turns you on.

 

[marys_pet]

Following up on my earlier post, try putting yourself in her shoes for a minute. Your live-in girlfriend is out of town for several weeks and you're feeling lonely. You start chatting with a girl online who helps to fill that void. In a weak moment, you decide to meet for a drink. One drink leads to another, and you're feeling a connection that's fueled in part by the loneliness of being apart from your girlfriend. You wind up back at her place, and you fuck (I don't for one minute think that a guy in those circumstances would stop at just eating her out a couple of times). People are human. Shit happens during moments of weakness.

The next morning you wake up, your head is pounding, and you thing,"My God, what have I done?!" At that point you resolve that it will never happen again, you try and put it behind you, and you try and make it up to your girlfriend (later wife) by being a good partner to her, and by making a good life (and a good marriage) together. That one incident really doesn't constitute "years of deceit", nor should it outweigh all the good things in your relationship.

The reason she likely always found an excuse not to make your cuck fantasies a reality is because the entire time you were talking about it she was thinking, "This conversation is getting uncomfortably close to this big, bad secret I have. How can I change the subject, as quickly as possible, and steer it back towards safer ground."

 

[mcb1817]

Thanks guys, for the insight and re-enforcing the truths.

 

[Jinxypie]

...how you react about this NOW will probably determine how she will respond to your suggestions of a MMF in the future. If you make a "mountain out of a mole hill" over a single event that happened that long ago, she's probably not going to want to chance taking a lover in the future.

Yes, exactly. If you go to pieces over this ONE incident from many years ago, she won't want to be put in an even remotely similar situation, EVER. This has caused her lots of pain and guilt for years, and she finally came clean. I'm sure she knew you would be upset by it, but personally I think the "years of deceit" comment is way harsh.

...I often told her, that if she was curious about other guys, that we could do it together, I could join or watch, but we should be honest and open about our curiosities and experiences.

So have you been honest with her about this? How thoughts of her being with other men excites you? How often does this conversation come up?

 

[lifelong cuck]

She needs to know

Yes, exactly. If you go to pieces over this ONE incident from many years ago, she won't want to be put in an even remotely similar situation, EVER. This has caused her lots of pain and guilt for years, and she finally came clean. I'm sure she knew you would be upset by it, but personally I think the "years of deceit" comment is way harsh.



So have you been honest with her about this? How thoughts of her being with other men excites you? How often does this conversation come up?

I agree in part with Jinxypie.

I feel you need to tell her how the idea of her being with other men excites you. BUT you need to say you were upset from before, not because she was with someone but because she chose to wait so long to tell you. That you need her to tell you if she has been with anyone else so you both can go forward into a new phase for BOTH of you.

The LAST thing she needs is to think that telling you these things will put up a barrier, she needs to be sure that knowing the truth will benefit you both and that if she does go with other guys there is no problem as long as she's open and honest with you about it.

Give her the chocie of being with them one on one if she or they need it at first. Maybe gradually she'll be happier to choose partners who will be ok with cucking you while you are present.

LLC

 

[Troilusand]

You've taken you're admonishment from the group well. They've given good perspective to an indisecretion--one that many in the world have committed. I, for one, commend your wife for protecting your marriage and internalizing all the guilt--must have been tough.

You wrote:

"So I don't even know how to take learning of the news.... one minute it excites the hell out of me to think about her sucking this guys thick 8" cock(I am 4.5"), and making him unload at least 2 different times in her face/mouth. The next I am sick to my stomach thinking my wife and partner of many years could deceive me so easily and for such a long period of time..."


I went through similar feelings many years ago, and from my experience, I'd guess you're not personally ready to pursue the hotwife experience...yet. So this is where I disagree with the gang; I don't think you should even bring up the hotwife subject with her until you're about 90% raging hard-on to 10% revulsion when you think of that man-meat sperming in you're wife's mouth. It might take six months to get there--it might never happen; but know what you want before you ask for it.

If I were you, I'd view a lot of porn that mimics you're imagination of that scene. And EVERY time I fucked her, I would imagine it was his 8" penis (almost double your size!) ejaculating in her cunt.

So don't jump into this; enjoy this delicious period in your life when you are trying to wrap your arms around the fact that you married a woman so sexually charged, she broke your wedding vows (yeah, I know they weren't married at the time, but still). I nearly broke my dick whackin' it so much back then....I think I'll give me one now, just for old times sake. Ah, I LOVE that cheatin' slut!!

T.

P.S. Just out of curiosity, how'd you find out?

 

[luv_2please]

I have to to both agree and disagree with the majority. I believe I am going through the same situation and feel I could relate.

I don't think it is the action that has made you to feel 'sick to your stomach', I believe it is the fact that she carried a lie for so long. Am I correct? If not please disregard. If I am correct, then you are probably feeling that if she lied about this, what else did she lie about. More than likely you are also feeling like a fool or chump for "living" in ignorance for so long. Been there! If this is the case, then once you get past the doubting phase of all this, you may have a wonderful time watching her with other men.

Identify what aspect of this situation causes you the ill feelings. Then deal with that issue only, once past, then pursue tell her all of your fantasies.

BTW, just wondering, why after so long did she finally disclose the information to you?

 

[mcb1817]

Yes, exactly. If you go to pieces over this ONE incident from many years ago, she won't want to be put in an even remotely similar situation, EVER. This has caused her lots of pain and guilt for years, and she finally came clean. I'm sure she knew you would be upset by it, but personally I think the "years of deceit" comment is way harsh.



So have you been honest with her about this? How thoughts of her being with other men excites you? How often does this conversation come up?

The years of deceit comment was my angst speaking... And yes I have been honest with her about other men and her exciting me, usually 2-3x a week.

 

[mcb1817]

P.S. Just out of curiosity, how'd you find out?

I was snooping on her laptop. I went through her yahoo messenger archive... there lied details of her exploits with this guy that she had chatted to one of her girlfriends about.

 

[mcb1817]

I don't think it is the action that has made you to feel 'sick to your stomach', I believe it is the fact that she carried a lie for so long. Am I correct? If not please disregard. If I am correct, then you are probably feeling that if she lied about this, what else did she lie about. More than likely you are also feeling like a fool or chump for "living" in ignorance for so long. Been there! If this is the case, then once you get past the doubting phase of all this, you may have a wonderful time watching her with other men.

Identify what aspect of this situation causes you the ill feelings. Then deal with that issue only, once past, then pursue tell her all of your fantasies.

BTW, just wondering, why after so long did she finally disclose the information to you?

Luv2,

You have hit it directly. If she is capable of carrying on this particular lie for so long, what other lies might lie out there? And yes, feeling like a fool are the exact thoughts...

She says she has never done anything like this before or since, and that her guilt and shame are what led her to keep it secret so long. (Although when I discovered her chat archive when she told her friend about it, she was anything but remorseful.)

I am pretty confident I will get over this particular lie or deceit. I have lied to her to in the past and can relate to the guilt and hesitation. I am concerned there is more than she fesses up to, but I have little to no evidence, so I must take her word on it. As weightless as her word may be currently...

The part that causes me the most pain..? Well probably the fact that she felt the need to continue and develop a long term lie. I do love her and would accept her apology any time, but the tough part to swallow is the years of living a lie in this regard.

If you read my previous response to a post, it will explain how I found out.

If anyone would prefer to chat with me on yahoo messenger, I would enjoy hearing what you have to say. I know lots of lurkers read here and other forums similar to this(I was for YEARS) but choose not to post.

yahoo messenger: mad1817

Thanks to you all..

 

[Troilusand]

Okay, instead of hotwife advice, I'd suggest you get some couples counselling 1st. You seem really hurt/defensive/guarded NOT about the fact that she cheated, but that it happened 4 1/2 years ago. It seems as though if she fucked 10 guys yesterday (behind your back) and told you today, you'd be happier than the fact that she blew one guy back then and didn't tell you for 4 1/2 years. I can't relate.

You even admit to lieing to her...have you fessed up to those lies to her or are you still "deceiving" her? Should she forgive you those lies? Look, I'm CERTAINLY not qualified to guide you through this, but I will say I know you have more pressing issues than infidelity issues. And I'm not negating the legitimacy of the feelings you have, but if you want a better marriage, get some counselling...together. THEN get her to fuck other men.

Best of luck,

T.

 

[fantasycuck]

Okay, instead of hotwife advice, I'd suggest you get some couples counselling 1st. You seem really hurt/defensive/guarded NOT about the fact that she cheated, but that it happened 4 1/2 years ago. It seems as though if she fucked 10 guys yesterday (behind your back) and told you today, you'd be happier than the fact that she blew one guy back then and didn't tell you for 4 1/2 years. I can't relate.



T.

Let me explain old fashion cuckolding:

When you discover secret deceitful cuckolding there is pain. However, IMHO that is the true humiliated state of a cuckold.

My wife fucked her lover several times over a two year period. Her activity invalidated my life for those two years because every single time she was around me I was living a lie (even if she did not speak a word).

Her secret cuckolding also made me realize that I did not know her and therefore, my entire marriage was a lie. That is how I felt even though she did not cuckold me for 85% of the marriage.

Was it hot? Yes, it was! Her cuckolding gave me a lot of very hot sex at a time when the marriage was a routine.

 

[fantasycuck]

dude...major no fly zone there.
Never cross that line again.

Did so with my last wife.
Was told by my lawyer that I might actually be guilty of breaking federal or state cyber stalking laws by doing so.

It sounds like your lawyer believes that snooping on a communal property computer is a big deal, maybe a greater deal than adultery. I am sure it could be, but I would think that for the other side to press charges they would have to admit infidelity in court.

Setting the law aside:

When I installed a keylogger on our home computer to read my wife emails to her lover she was outraged. Her lover was beside himself and very hurt at the fact that I had read his secret emails to my wife.

Some folks can be total jerks.

If I secretly fucked someone's wife and the cuck discovered my emails I would not complain. For the love of God I was fucking his wife behind his back!

 

[Troilusand]

Let me explain old fashion cuckolding:

When you discover secret deceitful cuckolding there is pain. However, IMHO that is the true humiliated state of a cuckold.

My wife fucked her lover several times over a two year period. Her activity invalidated my life for those two years because every single time she was around me I was living a lie (even if she did not speak a word).

Her secret cuckolding also made me realize that I did not know her and therefore, my entire marriage was a lie. That is how I felt even though she did not cuckold me for 85% of the marriage.

Was it hot? Yes, it was! Her cuckolding gave me a lot of very hot sex at a time when the marriage was a routine.

Yes, yes, I understand all that and have gleaned from the thread you started about your strict, dictionary definition of "cuckold". But that definition has unofficially evolved to include witting husbands to their wive's infidelities, hence the majority of people at this site.

And I don't get how your post was a response to my suggestion for counselling for Mad1817 and his wife. Or how it addresses my question if he can justify his lies to his wife, but not hers.

And yes, I was cuckolded in your strict terms, also. My wife cheated and I cheated in our youth, and it certainly didn't "invalidate" MY marriage; so I can't relate.

T.

 

[fantasycuck]

Yes, yes, I understand all that and have gleaned from the thread you started about your strict, dictionary definition of "cuckold". But that definition has unofficially evolved to include witting husbands to their wive's infidelities, hence the majority of people at this site.

And I don't get how your post was a response to my suggestion for counselling for Mad1817 and his wife. Or how it addresses my question if he can justify his lies to his wife, but not hers.

And yes, I was cuckolded in your strict terms, also. My wife cheated and I cheated in our youth, and it certainly didn't "invalidate" MY marriage; so I can't relate.

T.

Counseling is useful,but finding the right counselor is often quite difficult.

The cucked state causes many of us to be very horny. That is good enough for me I guess. However, I find secret deceptive cuckolding to be more erotic that cuckolding in the open. However, if my wife was secretly cuckolding me again I would not know about it and I could not say it is erotic, LOL.

 

[Troilusand]

Okay, NOW I can relate. I love it that a slut needs it so bad that she breaks her wedding vows. I should probably tell my wife that she can't see her boyfriend anymore, so that way I could enjoy her cheating on me (and oh yes, I'd know she'd be cheating--she told me 4 years ago when they started dating, that she was gonna be with him 'til death do they part; it's true love).

T.

 

[luv_2please]

Damn, all this is deep.

But getting back to Mad1817:
Tough break man, I know exactly what you mean and how you're feeling. Your rational brain is telling you: I know she loves me. I know I can trust her. I know she wants no one else than me. I know...

But then there's your "gut", who says: She was 4 minutes late from coming home, who she blowing? Who's on the other end of the phone, the dude she's blowing? Who's she emailing or texting and what's being said? Bitch is still playing me.

I am NOT saying that you should be thinking any of these things, if your not. I'm just telling you what I've been thinking and feeling with my wife. If you can relate, I just want to let you know that I guess it's normal and you're not alone.

How bad do you wanna cheat, just bang the piss out of some chick? I wanted to, like majorly wanted to. Don't!!!! It will not make you feel better out her, and it might just cause more problems.

 

[fantasycuck]

Damn, all this is deep.


But then there's your "gut", who says: She was 4 minutes late from coming home, who she blowing? Who's on the other end of the phone, the dude she's blowing? Who's she emailing or texting and what's being said? Bitch is still playing me.

I am NOT saying that you should be thinking any of these things, if your not. I'm just telling you what I've been thinking and feeling with my wife. If you can relate, I just want to let you know that I guess it's normal and you're not alone.

That is the natural state of a traditional cuckold. Having doubts or knowing that the wife is fucking someone else, but you cannot prove it.

Suspecting that the wife is coming home late after fucking her lover and checking her panties in the hamper to see if they are messy. Trying to figure out what cum smells like as you bring the dirty panties to your nostrils. Not having the guts to confront her because you are too wimpy to accept it--------the so-called denial.

Then you eventually confirm she is cucking you by snooping the computer. Now the proof cannot be denied and you have an erection while you are experiencing the pain of humiliation.

With your own eyes you read how your wife glorifies the sex with her lover. You read a ton of emails and your name never comes up in the conversations. When your wife is with her lover you (the cuck) do not exist-----you are nobody.

You analyze the emails and discover when and how you were cuckolded. You have a chance to go back and recall the events of the day your wife was fucking her lover. For some strange reason you want to know what you were doing when you were cuckolded.

That is the ultimate humiliation-------the deception is so erotic.

 

[luv_2please]

That is the natural state of a traditional cuckold. Having doubts or knowing that the wife is fucking someone else, but you cannot prove it.

Suspecting that the wife is coming home late after fucking her lover and checking her panties in the hamper to see if they are messy. Trying to figure out what cum smells like as you bring the dirty panties to your nostrils. Not having the guts to confront her because you are too wimpy to accept it--------the so-called denial.

Then you eventually confirm she is cucking you by snooping the computer. Now the proof cannot be denied and you have an erection while you are experiencing the pain of humiliation.

With your own eyes you read how your wife glorifies the sex with her lover. You read a ton of emails and your name never comes up in the conversations. When your wife is with her lover you (the cuck) do not exist-----you are nobody.

You analyze the emails and discover when and how you were cuckolded. You have a chance to go back and recall the events of the day your wife was fucking her lover. For some strange reason you want to know what you were doing when you were cuckolded.

That is the ultimate humiliation-------the deception is so erotic.

This brings up a good issue. Does being cucked turn into humiliation? I think I will start a thread on this one. I'm having some issues as my wife is wanting to become a Hotwife. Please look for thread and post there. Title will be Does Cucking = Humiliation?