How To Proceed With My Wife?

[trooper1]

Many of you have read and responded to a few threads I have posted on the site. I have found the responses to be well articulated, helpful and thought provoking. I have read a good number of the threads and found them to be just as helpful and insightful. It is good to read many share the same feelings.

In my case, it is good to write my emotions and feelings here. The feedback is helpful. For those who may not have read my other threads, let me give you some back ground.

My wife and I have been married for 16 years. Our sex life is great and our marriage is great. When we first started dating and through most of our marriage, I was the jealous and possessive type. I even had hatred and jealousy of her past lovers which, looking back now, was silly considering they came into her life before I was even in the picture.

Anyway, fastforward to the last couple of years. I am not sure where they came from or why, I began having urges to watch my wife with another man. I initially attempted to repress those thoughts and urges thinking they are not normal and I am just crazy. My efforts to do so were not successful. The urges grew stronger.

The urges, as I now realized, initially manifested themselves in me buying my wife all kinds of dildos and vibrators. Over time, the dildos I purchased became larger and larger. For the last few years, through today, I absolutely love using a dildo on my wife while she uses a vibrator on her clit. Watching her take the various dildos, of different shapes and sizes, is very gratifying in words that are hard to express.

At some point in the last year or so, I started to ask my wife about what if anything she fantasized about when I used the dildos on her. To my extreme excitement, she mentioned fantasies of fucking other guys while I watched. She mentions those fantasies to this day. Having them shared with me has given me the most intense orgasms of my life.

During our love making, I have also told her that I would love to see her fuck another guy. She plays along with that and seems to get exicted by the talk. I have, though it has been difficult to do, point blank asked her if she would actually fuck another guy during love making. Her response has generally been along the lines of, "I don't know about that."

Most recently, and trying to test the waters further, I took some nude pictures of her. She did not tell me to delete those and, for that matter, did not instruct me not to share. She did ask what I intended to do with them in a curious manner and that response prompted me posting an earlier thread (which I personally took to mean she had some interest in testing some waters).

Fast forward to today. I am totally obsessed with the lifestyle. Not the lifestyle of a humiliated cuck mind you, but of more of a "hot wife" scenario of watching my wife getting fucked while I lightly participate. I think about it constantly and I really mean that. I just can't get it out of my mind. I want this to happen; it is like an itch I just cannot scratch.

I have come to realize that I really enjoy seeing why wife getting off. That gives me higher pleasure than my own sexual pleasure (really probably not entirely accurate since I derive a high level of sexual pleasure vicariously of getting her/watching her get off). Analyzing it further, this is really what I am "*****" on and watching her fuck another guy would be the ultimate.

Stepping back, there is a part of me that fears stepping forward. Likewise, it bothers me (and maybe it shouldn't) that I just cannot stop thinking about it. Seriously, I think about it all the time. I want more sex with my wife and more importantly, I want to get her off more (she did mention the other day I am wearing her out; LOL).

It would be helpful to read comments/experiences from others in response to my situation. I think I am really at the point where I am not sure what to do, what to think, or how to react. For that matter, I don't even know if my reactions/obsessions are "normal" if there is such a thing.

All kind words, advice, support, and thoughts will be more than appreciated. There really is no one else for me to talk to about it. Obviously, I can discuss it with my wife but I want to sort out my own thoughts first before moving forward. Our marriage is great and I do want to keep it that way. Seeds however seem to be there that would seem to make our intimacy super charged and even better.

Thanks all.

 

[NYJOE]

Actually, your thougts are not that uncommon. We all get off on our wives getting fucked by other men to one degree or another. The fact that you thnk about is constantly is par for the course.

Since you have discussed it with your wife with good results., I would take it to the next step.
When out with her, if some male starts to come on to her, simply show her that it pleases you and you are not angry in the least.
Whenever she flirts with another guy, be extra nice to her. There is motivator like possitive reinforcement.

Take it slowly and always keep one foot in reality. It should be pleasureable for all.
Whether to keep all this from family and friends is a personal choice.
Keeping it from them is a decission my wife and I made and I strongly suggest you consider the same.
Try to have the best of both worlds if you can.

 

[duke9555]

take her to a bar lotsa black guys hang in
and let nature take her course ........works
on Literotica

 

[NYJOE]

A word on jealousy.......
You will still be jealous, However, you wiil not get angry. Getting angry over you wife's extra marital activities stem from a feeling of betrayal.
However, if you encourage her to "cheat' on you, that feeling of betrayal is eliminated. It is replaced by jealousy that is hyper eroticsized and you should revel in that feeling as it is one of the most pleasureable feelings of being cuckoled.

You and your wife have to assure each other that no matter what she may do you will always remain together.

It is also important that your wife understand that you have no desires to see other womam. It may seem strange but, a wife who has multiple boyfriends will often will get very jealous if you are with another woman.

 

[trooper1]

Thanks for the comments all. Much appreciated. I still need to discuss this further and will continue to chat with some people, in similar situations, to help me through this. Any and all comments again are welcome and helpful. Thanks again all.

 

[trooper1]

UPDATE--

Well just this morning during a lovemaking session we were sharing fantasies again and her fantasies agains focused on fucking another guy while I watched. After telling her how hot that was and building up further courage, I flat out asked her if she would do it. I pretty much got a flat out "no" from her though I sensed the thought of actually doing it did excite her. I did not really push it further and because of that, my sense is probably as good as reading tea leaves. Not really sure where this leaves us but I still plan to go the slow course and in line with that, not ask that question again for a good long while.

Any other thoughts, comments or recommendations?

 

[Saraha]

Tell her that if she wants to experiment with meeting another man out of curiosity, then she has permission as long as she tells you afterwards, because you love her, feel ever so lucky to be married to her, and want her to have the best sex life possible.

 

[Jaxunman]

Trooper, for once, I agree with Saraha. Leave it on the table with her that if a situation ever presents itself to experience another guy, that she can. Explain that you do want her to tell you about it if she does anything. Occasionally, very occasionally, you might just reinforce that the option is available to her. To add an extra element to your current use of her toys, give them names. If she is already imagining other guys fucking her, this will only heighten her imagination.

Like you, I was very jealous in the early years of my 20+ year marriage. Now days, I am completely secure in my marriage and in her. Perhaps you feel the same way with your wife. Your wife has seen your jealousy in reality, so this fantasy you describe represents you in way she has never seen. It may take her some time to begin to believe you are really okay with it. Be patient. Occasional reinforcement with the toys and roleplaying. But don't pressure her. I think you will begin to see signs of progress after a bit.

 

[capemaynj]

This is just what is happening with me.And this is my dream.And I pray everyday that I hope this is the day.

 

[babyruthiezhubby]

UPDATE--

Well just this morning during a lovemaking session we were sharing fantasies again and her fantasies agains focused on fucking another guy while I watched. After telling her how hot that was and building up further courage, I flat out asked her if she would do it. I pretty much got a flat out "no" from her though I sensed the thought of actually doing it did excite her. I did not really push it further and because of that, my sense is probably as good as reading tea leaves. Not really sure where this leaves us but I still plan to go the slow course and in line with that, not ask that question again for a good long while.

Any other thoughts, comments or recommendations?

No doesn't always mean no. My wife pretty much gave me the same response, NO! and look where we are now.... Although in my wife's case and possibly yours, she may be seeing that as a trick question. She may think your testing her fidelity to make sure she would never actually cheat on you. In her mind she is reassuring you that she would never do that to you and she is letting you know, she knows it's nothing more than fantasy. She is answering the question with the answer she thinks you want to hear.

That is exactly what my wife was doing.

Lets face it. In a normal society guys don't go around asking their wives if they will fuck some other guy. She is giving you the normal response that most (So called) normal husbands would expect to hear, not believing you could possibly be serious.

Does that make sense? I know what I mean but I'm having a difficult time expressing it in writing.

 

[trooper1]

Thanks all. Good advice. I still plan on taking it slow and dropping some reinforcement here and there. Time is on my side and it is not like I need it to happen right this instant. I do however want to be careful because my fantasy is not to have her go off on her own and just start fucking guys. I know some guys are into that; not me. I would want to be there watching and participating. Her fantasies mimic my fantasy; I am always there watching. I'll post updates periodically.

 

[mimi27406]

No doesn't always mean no. My wife pretty much gave me the same response, NO! and look where we are now.... Although in my wife's case and possibly yours, she may be seeing that as a trick question. She may think your testing her fidelity to make sure she would never actually cheat on you. In her mind she is reassuring you that she would never do that to you and she is letting you know, she knows it's nothing more than fantasy. She is answering the question with the answer she thinks you want to hear.

That is exactly what my wife was doing.

Lets face it. In a normal society guys don't go around asking their wives if they will fuck some other guy. She is giving you the normal response that most (So called) normal husbands would expect to hear, not believing you could possibly be serious.




Does that make sense? I know what I mean but I'm having a difficult time expressing it in writing.

Out of the mouths of Babes, pun intended, comes words of wisdom. We, and women in particular have been taught to respond in a certain way, and to support some things and fight others, but our parents, religion, even the Gov't, who want us to be dociale lillle robots and follow the leader. She needs to feel you really mean it.

 

[Custer Laststand]

One has the impression your wife is a promising candidate.

Trooper1,

Regarding the parting comment in your initial post:

All kind words, advice, support, and thoughts will be more than appreciated. There really is no one else for me to talk to about it. ....
Thanks all.

Your wife sounds like a promising candidate. You might consider telling her you would appreciate it if she would read:

Susan Gower on natural cuckolding of husbands by married women:
The Science of Cuckoldry Cuckold Couple

and tell you what her thoughts are on it. Then, a bit later, suggest she read:

Dr. Cherry Lee on the cuckold husband / hotwife phenomenon:
The Cuckold Husband / Hotwife Phenomena : Scandalouswomen

then talk with her about her thoughts on it. Simultaneously, as a long-term strategy, you might consider proceeding along the lines of the 8-part article that begins here:

Cherry Lee article:
A Wife Into A Hotwife Hot Wife Blog - hotwife and cuckold husband fetish discussion

Hope this helps. Good luck!

—Custer

 

[tony2305]

Hi Custer,

All the previous articles of Dr. Cherry Lee can be found now at the new site :

Index Page for Modern Directions

(to be know previously as Variatalsex.com)

 

[duke9555]

thx Tony for that most helpful resource

 

[Custer Laststand]

Hi Custer,

All the previous articles of Dr. Cherry Lee can be found now at the new site :

Index Page for Modern Directions

(to be know previously as Variatalsex.com)

Tony,

Great! Thanks for pointing that out! I've long thought it was something of a tragedy that Dr. Cherry Lee took down her website a while back, arguing it had become too demanding to maintain. It's by far the best website on female/male relationships I've ever seen, and it includes a long section on "cuckold husband / hotwife marriages" (/LTRs), including interracial cuckolding and other IR sex.

—Custer

 

[Saraha]

If she has girlfriends who love secret lovers, she will have fantasized over their stories, and therefore will know what benefits are available from getting her share. She has to know her marriage won't wobble, and that she knows exactly why you have given her permission.

If you give your wife a lot more sex, this will rev up her libido so she can more easily consider other guys. If you give your wife very little sex, she may begin to believe she is no longer attractive enough to turn any guy on...........your lack of interest in her body makes her feel this way.

When you got married you couldn't wait to rip her pants down, and now you don't want her much any more - so she will suspicious as to why you wish her to open her legs for other guys.

 

[trooper1]

Saraha, I try to give my wife as much sex as possible. LOL, she does not seem able to keep up with my libido. I thus don't think it is an issue of me not wanting it as much as before.

 

[trooper1]

Well further update today. We chated some more about the fantasy and today I received a "I don't know" answer. Not getting a strong no, but still taking it slow. Seems encouraging. The travels continue!

 

[alanjess]

Well done trooper1,if she's saying 'I don't know' already then it won't be long before you're in the cuckold club!