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Just got cucked - but not as planned

  • Thread starterCucked4Real
  • Start date

Cucked4Real

New around here...
Beloved Member
Dec 15, 2013
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So, I have been with my girlfriend for over 5 years. Early on I gradually brought up my hotwife/cuckold fantasies to her. She responded well and eventually became an open book with regards talking about her sex life before me. Through the years I have learned that she has had 70+ lovers. She is a very hot woman with a curvy body, beautiful face, and has a sexual aura about her. Men are attracted to her wherever we go, and end up hitting on her. She loves the attention. We have never acted on the cuckold fantasy because the situation never presented itself. The right guy, the right place (would have to be outside the city we live/work), etc. have never come together and we have never pushed the issue. Most of the fantasy has been focused on what she did before me. After a lot of coaxing for details, I was able to learn that I ranked in the middle to bottom third of dick sizes. Her biggest lover was about 9 inches and twice as thick as me. He fucked her on two occasions and he was by far her best she says. One time she even admitted that I could not hold a candle to him in bed ... longer dick, thicker dick, bigger balls, came more, could fuck much longer, and could fuck repeatedly in a night. He made her cum more as well ... 12-20 in one night (my record with her is 3). I love to hear about all of this and it has been a huge turn on. She will also tell me when she think guys are cute and we playfully banter about how one of these guys might want to fuck her and how it would happen. She knows I am serious and she is serious as well, but if I ever pushed her towards something she would not be comfortable.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. She took a trip to Las Vegas to meet up with a couple of her old female college friends. I did not push the cuckold fantasy because I want things to come naturally and not be ******. However, I did pick out some sexy revealing dresses that i offered to buy for her trip. She said they were a little too slutty and she didn't want to have anything like that end up on Facebook in a group shot or otherwise. She also said this trip wasn't about "putting herself out there", it was just about hanging out with old friends and having fun. I didn't push the issue and what she said made sense.

She came back and everything was normal. I didn't ask any jealous boyfriend type questions and we just talked about the trip in general. On Friday (one week later), I left for a business trip. Last night while I was out at dinner with co-workers I got a text that she had a confession to make. I asked what. The next text said that she had got it on with a guy and had oral sex, but did not have sex because of her period. She blew the guy two different nights and it sounds like the whole thing was everything but sex ... sucking on her titties, playing with her naked ass, her sucking him off, him coming all over him. She said she did this 2 nights in a row. He had about the same size dick as me, but she said he was super super hot. She did not exchange numbers with him (at least she says) because she said she was not interested in a continued sexual relationship.

I excused myself and kept on texting her for more details from all different places in the hotel ... bathroom, restaurant, lobby outside restaurant, etc. I did this so my co-workers could not see I was obsessed with something. Anyway she gave me as many details as possible. However, she started to get sleepy and eventually fell asleep after about 90 minutes of texting. I am now a bit bothered. Here are some of the takeaways that bother me:

1) She waited a week after getting back to tell me. When asked why, she said the girls agreed what happpens in Vegas ... This does not make sense because I have been dying for something like this to happen.
2) She only told me cause it was weighing on her.
3) She told me via text, which made the whole unveiling of this more difficult. It would have been WAY more exciting to hear about it in person and understand everything.
4) I asked her if she liked having this freedom with me. She basically said that it was just who she "is" (having this random sex) and she decided to tell me about it. In other words, she would have done it anyway. My fantasy just makes it OK to tell me. Did not directly say that, but this was the implication.
5) I asked if if was a huge turn to tell me about it. She said that when she talks about it she is super turned on, but all she really thinks about during the conversation is him.
6) Although she will do it if I prompt her. She will not take the initiative to tease me about it, embarrass me about it, etc. She knows this turns me on, but I don't think it really does anything for her.
7) She kind of minimizes the whole thing. I say that this is a huge sexy revelation, she says its no big deal and everything will be back to normal. Although she is excited to fuck.

So, the conclusion I am coming to is that the whole experience does not really involve my fantasy or even "us" for that matter... this includes before, during, and after it happened. It seems to basically be about her having her fun and getting off on remembering it. I get the sideline benefit of it intersecting with part of my fantasy. I know that if I am at all negative she will clam up about this and possibly other stuff in the future. This is even more worrisome. Still, I can't help but feel like this has all the elements of cheating, and very few elements of what I thought was "our fantasy". I know guys on this board would jump at the chance for something like this to happen. However, I get this feeling that my fantasy had zero bearing on her actions. If I did not have the fantasy she would have cheated on me and simply NOT told me about it. The only difference is she knows she can share it without getting in trouble and I will probably get off on some of the aspects.

Any thoughts / advice from people who have went beyond fantasy?
 
Don't worry, be happy. You are on the road to cuckdom. Don't screw it up by worrying about the little things. If you want to improve your communications do so in a way that reinforces to her that you love her. Sow doubt and it's over before it started.
 
So status update ... not sure where all this is headed.

I couldn't help but express to her how I felt like an "afterthought" on this whole experience, and was turned on but still felt like an outsider. We were kind of distant to each other for about a week. Then, a week later we fucked and I lasted about 30 seconds. I hadn't masturbated at all during the week and the conflicting thoughts just sent me over the edge quickly. Within a few minutes after cumming she started foreplay again combined this with discussions about her Vegas blow-jobs. This was a little challenging, because sometimes after I cum, my mind is WAY less kinky and much more vanilla. Needless to say, I fucked her 2 more times and the last time I fucked her the hardest as I was talking to her about her experience.

We had a little talk about her going to Vegas again. We now both know that her friends are very promiscuous, want to go to visit the most hedonistic places, and are going on the trip for a fuck fest of sorts. She says she really wants to go again, but she is definitely NOT going to hook up with someone. She said she got "sucked in" to the whole environment last time and just wants to go to hang out with her friends. I told her this is a complete repeat of what she told me last time before she left. She said she could never go on a trip PLANNING to do something ... she said the whole thought of that creeps her out. Moreover, it seems like she is not even into playfully discussing "what might happen". I guess since she is living in "reality" now, those thoughts are a turn off. Of course, if she got sucked back into the "fantasy" life of Vegas for 7 days, who knows what would happen, but she is saying that nothing will happen. So, I'm back to feeling like this is a "her" thing and not an "us" thing.

Because of that, I'm also starting to feel a little insecure. The guy she was with was about 17 years younger and supposedly totally hot. I know I would be hard pressed to pull a woman 17 years younger than me , so I kind of feel I'm on an uneven playing field. If I wasn't totally excluded from the adventure, I think I could handle it better. Weird how if I was involved it would be a HUGE turn on to see her with someone totally hot. However, feeling like she went out and sucked this guy off and then just happened to decide to tell me about it a week later, makes me feel like I was an afterthought.

Her friends are already planning the trip for next year (one year from now), because they have some special hotel offer. I discussed 3 possibilities with her: (1) She goes on the trip and we are both firm that NOTHING will happen (can I trust her?, and will she even tell me if something goes haywire?), (2) She goes on the trip and we use the trip as playful sexual device discussing for months in advance what may happen, what she will wear, what she will do if guys hit on her, what would happen if a super hot guy makes advances on her (will she get into this? will this be a turn on to her? or will she still be stuck in her false reality of "this trip is not about that"?), (3) She avoids going on the trip and meets up with them on their normal outings which are very tame (Vegas is their "no-limits" week).

I am not issuing any ultimatums but I also told her that we can't be so cavalier with this whole thing. This is a very hot fantasy, but if we don't handle it properly it can burn our relationship. On option #3 I just explained that I was wondering if she was open to this because it may strain our relationship somewhat if I have to go through this again. She said she is open to #1 or #2. At first she was mad about #3, but can see my point and would VERY reluctantly consider it.

What are your thoughts about all of this?
 
Go down this path and you will lose her. I don't think you are able to handle it. Bail now.
 
I agree with c4, you need to drop this fantasy right here and now. Sex is supposed to fun. Right now, you are stressing your gf and making it no fun at all for her. You have already made such a big deal, even if something does happen, she would probably downplay and minimize the details just to avoid conflict. You are correct in that she will clam up if you go all controlling and negative at this point. You don't mention if you two live together or separately, but she sounds like a fairly independent woman who is with you because she WANTS to be.

YOU have the cuckold fantasy, she does NOT. She may love you and want to stay with you, but to be brutally honest with you, her description of "how she is", tells you she will do her own thing no matter your feelings. By her description, she sounds like she simply lives in the moment. If that moment happens to be out of town and the guy attracts her, she will play. She is trying to tell you that you are not a part of it. Look at it this way, you have a gf who is most likely never going to completely faithful to you, at least sexually, and prefers no input, expectation, or regulation from you in regards to what happens when she is with others. If you can live with that, she is always coming home to you.


If you care for this woman and want to stay with her, drop the cuckold talk and let it go. You will drive her away if you don't.
 
Cucked4real, I can relate to what you are going through. I have learned not to push to hard on my wife and just enjoy the bits she shares. I have found that most women I know do not understand cuckold feelings. To my wife sex is a personal thing and not something she wants to share with me, except our relationship of course.

If you feel you need to have some control over how and why and when she cuckolds you, then I agree, stop now! You will be miserable waiting for her to follow your script. She probably feels that she cheated on you, whether you wanted it or not, and does not feel this is something to be enjoyed. She most likely let her guard down and rationalized that you had given permission with your stated desires, but felt guily and conflicted. Your hurt feelings and demands are not helping matters at all! Best of luck to you but I recommend a lot more communication before you attempt this again. If you blow it, she will just lock you out of any future adventures she might have.
 
Thanks for the feedback and advice. I think Susan's Slave has hit the nail on the head, on a lot of stuff.

I now think her statement "this is just me and how I am" was a little teasing, but it was hard to interpret that via text. When I talked to her it sounded more like teasing.

I'm not sure where to go from here. It seems like the whole cuckold scene is in many ways "take what you can get". I guess I seem like I am controlling, but I don't understand how that dovetails with "better communication". I tried to communicate with her about possibilities before she left for the trip, but was shut down sternly. I also got hardly any communication during the trip, and had to initially learn about the whole thing via text (which really limits HOW you can communicate). I admit I should have communicated better about wanting to be involved someway in the fantasy, but otherwise I feel fairly good about my communication.

Now her friends are trying to plan a second trip and I am trying to communicate about a variety of ways to approach it. We HAVE to deal with whether she antes up her money for her portion of expenses for 2014. So, I don't know how else I could have communicated. Maybe the fourth option should be "you don't think anything will happen, but we both should be prepared that something COULD happen". Of course that would remove all of the pre-trip build-up and fantasy discussion that could actually make it exciting. I am not trying to script everything out, but since she has to make a decision on the trip, don't we need to talk about how we approach it?

Overall, I'm not sure that I should have to settle for "take what you can get" mindset. I think there is a bit of a double standard based on gender. For instance, let's say my girlfriend talked about S&M fantasies (she does not, but this is just an example), and tried to broach the idea of us partaking in it during a specific night, and I shut her down and said "tonight is not about S&M", but then while we were having sex I started to pin her down and call her crude names, do you think people would be like "she should take whatever S&M she could get, and she will end up scaring me away from S&M if she expresses any negativity about my actions on that night."

Still, maybe the "take what you can get" is the nature of cuckolding. If I do bail completely on this fantasy as suggested, how do I handle that? How do I re-program my mind not to think about it? As I mentioned, I fucked her the hardest when talking to her about this incident out loud. So, I may be 50% frustrated with the way things went down and 50% turned on. If I do want to bail, how do I turn that last 50% off?
 
You are in completely the wrong headspace.

Do some more reading about the cuckold relationship - if you need to have control over your wife's choices then you aren't looking for a cuckold relationship. Period. You are looking for some element of a swinging lifestyle perhaps.

A cuckold derives sexual pleasure from his wife's pleasure - wherever she chooses to take it. For some cuckolds this may even include denying themselves sex. Indeed the degree of denial of the husbands sexual needs may be established by the wife.

I know of no real cuckold relationships where the cuckold establishes any element of control in this regard.

The cuckolds role is to provide unquestioning support, love, affection - because everything she does turns us on!
 
c4goodlife, you are describing only one very specific type of cuckold relationship out of the many many ways the lifestyle is successfully practiced.
 
I have found that women are for more complicated creatures then most men. Have you ever noticed how most women can be involved in one activity, talking on the phone with someone else, feeding the kids, and still tell you everything that happened on the TV show going in the background? With most men I know, me for sure, if I am not looking in her eyes and focused on what she is saying it's like it never happened.

When we get focused on this cuckolding lifestyle it becomes in many ways the center of our being. It is all we can think about, all the time. The other night Susan was recounting her latest encounter from the night before and right in the middle of it she started talking about a problem on of our children is having. Then it was on to something that we needed to do the next day, and then back to the events of the previous night. Drove me nuts, I wanted to focus on the one important thing, cuckolding me.

So when we are saying lots of communication it is not necessarily going to be all done in one night. I have found that getting Susan to open up and explore this lifestyle took over 25 years. Not that we didn't have some good stories in the meantime, but the stories had to come when she was ready. Depending on what was going on in our daily life her interest in sex in general waxed and waned. We fantasized about cuckolding while making love early in our relationship. I got her to accept a massage for a friend of mine during which I fell asleep. This led to her getting fingered and sucking his cock. Although we were both turned on by the experience I endured a long draught before anything happened again. The funny thing was that she soon became involved in a several year affair with her new boss that I knew nothing about until it was almost over. Turns out I had more than a few creampies that I was a little suspicious about although she denied the fact at the time. It sure made for some great fucking material when it came out.

I could go on rambling, but the point is that depending on where she is in her head, in her life, is going to have a lot to do with where this cuckolding play goes for you. Keep bringing it up in fantasy and in the occasional good relationship conversation but don't push. Somedays she will want to play, somedays she won't. Over time she will get more comfortable with the idea that she can trust you emotionally. Remember, she has been tought all her life that a good girl doesn't behave this way. Many do, but they know not to talk about it! In the meantime if she fucks around a little consider it progress. Just remember to keep her loving you more than loving them!
 
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I think I have really learned a lot about all of this. Susan's Slave makes some great points. I guess I have figured out that my whole turn on to cuckolding is about the build-up, and teasing beforehand and after. I really think the sexiest fantasy form me is for a woman to be able to seduce her man into becoming a cuckold. I was hoping that this would be a turn-on for my girlfriend to exercise this power over me (even though I am already there :) .... ) I am not into hardcore stuff like sissification, or verbal abuse towards me, etc. I like the whispering, soft talking, teasing, that gets me sucked into wanting to hear details about her prior sex life, comparisons to other guys, guys she wants to be with, etc. The big rush is learning these things and then knowing that they can't be unlearned after I hear them. I was hoping it would be something we could both get off ... her having this seductive power over me and being able to explore her sexual freedom. It seemed to be a turn on for both of us. I was interested in her taking it to the next level with a guy (when the circumstances were right) and so was she, and it was going to be an exciting ride we would share together.

What I realized is that I'm not down with her fooling around in her own bubble, and having me take whatever bits and pieces I can get. I'm not saying that is the way everyone should be, this is just the way I feel about my situation. If this isn't something we are both REALLY into sharing then my passion for it is a fraction.

So I'm very confused. My girlfriend has already booked a February trip to Miami with one of the most promiscuous friends from the Vegas trip. She quickly reminded me that the trip isn't to Vegas (which is what I was worried about a repeat of). Still, this new trip has come out of the complete blue. I did not give her grief about it, but it was a little shocking. I got a feeling this thing with us is not headed on a good path. I'm not getting much time to get my balance back after the Vegas incident, and I don't know if we are ready to make this Miami adventure a fun sexy playful possibility for us. I would like to, but I don't know if I or "we" are ready. Less than 90 days is not much time to recover from all of this. On the flipside I am somewhat less than 100% that I can trust her if I ask her to behave.

I love her, but I think we have both had a solid hand in starting to screw our relationship up.
 
You are in a major pickle. It's just sex, just physical, but you've attached emotion to this physical act. To add insult to injury she has played around not with you in mind but for her own pleasure and satisfaction, basically as if you didn't exist.

Either you need to let the emotion go and recognize she doesn't give a rat's ass for your feelings OR say goodbye.

You'll never get a moments peace otherwise.

A slut is a wonderful thing to have in ones life but this is something else altogether.
 
After some more "communication" it turns out the Miami trip was "just a joke". According to her she said it because she was a little miffed about me staying out partying one night and thought it was also an opportunity to make me jealous / tease me (which said she thought I liked). Somehow the soft talking, whispering, seductive tone to this whole teasing aspect (which is what I actually enjoy) has totally missed her. Either that, or she changed her mind on the trip. Can you say mindfuck ... whether it be intentional or not. lol ... sigh.
 

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